‘If a clod be washed away by the sea’
Hark! The ping of an inbox draws the Anchoress away from the window and her early morning hairbrushing reverie:
Someone emailed me a moment ago wondering how long it would take for Kennedy’s death to be politicized – specifically by the left, specifically in order to push through the rapidly souring Obamacare, and wouldn’t that be a dreadful and classless thing?
‘Twould be dreadful and classless thing indeed, m’lady.
Kennedy’s death – outside of the coastal enclaves – will not have the drama and sentimental heft some might expect … It’s entirely possible that what Kennedy’s death will really do is bring into stark relief the fact that under Obamacare, this overweight 77 year-old man with liking for the drink would probably have faced treatment rationing and an offer for “physician aid-in-dying”.
Our protagonist shudders at such grim thoughts, and quickly turns her mind to spiritual matters as she takes up her brush and returns to her window.
There will be lots of people – both Catholic and non-Catholic – who will declare themselves “shocked and scandalized” that Kennedy would be given a Mass of Christian Burial. Some will declare that he should have been “thrown out of the church” a long time ago; others will insist that his Funeral Mass brings shame to us … Thankfully, God knows more, and sees more, than the rest of us…
A-ha, but not all of us.
What can one do when one is likely unfit for heaven, but possesses just enough charity and love to stave off hell? Let us suffer the purgation, then.
We shall take leave now of our protagonist, as she ponders her own transgressions, her hairbrush moving ever more furiously through her voluminous tresses while her mind drifts, as if a wraith of incense smoke, out the window and toward the bacchanalia of 1969.
“Someone emailed me a moment ago wondering how long it would take for Kennedy’s death to be politicized”
…and I knew immediately that I had a job to do.
Also, none of you are first.
Ah, I see. Attempting to realize something the man supported = politicizing his death.
But of course, SHE’S not politicizing it… oh no.
Class = It’s only OK to politicize it AGAINST liberals. But whatevs, he’s in Hell now anyway.
“God” left a comment over there:
“What a small, hateful, priggish and loathsome bunch you all are. If I weren’t busy ignoring the suffering of countless millions elsewhere, I’d smite the shit out of you. Now go pray some more.”
How dare the Democrats politicize his death!
Now, let me talk about how the policies he advocated would have sped his own demise and damn his soul to not ascend into heaven and pre-emptively defend anyone who calls for the Catholic church to deny him a Catholic funeral and burial.
Wait, SHE’S not politicizing his death. She’s merely pointing out that God will politicize his death and she’s is clearly God’s spokesman.
I should really get back to work on writing the Republican-friendly Bible…
It’s entirely possible that what Kennedy’s death will really do is bring into stark relief the fact that under Obamacare, this overweight 77 year-old man with liking for the drink would probably have faced treatment rationing and an offer for “physician aid-in-dying”.
Actually, more likely, it would have offered “physician aid-in-dying” because HE HAD FUCKING TERMINAL BRAIN CANCER, you overbearing religioslut!
PTL-not any more. Her Assholishness deleted it.
Over at RS, they’re already starting with the Mary Jo stuff, and Instashihead is already predicting a “Paul Wellstone” politicized memorial.
From this I read that if Kennedy’s memorial actually talks about any of the liberal causes he fought for, the right will host a freak out about it being “another Wellstone” and politicize the shit out of it.
She deleted God? Lol!
Buchannon was laughing about how the rubes give a lot more money when you write “we have to stop Ted Kennedy’s cronies from taking over the country” in a fundraising letter. He was actually being classy, but I like when righties admit they lie ceaselessly to scaremonger their minions.
Wow.
That was like reading Peggy Noonan, if Peggy Noonan had recently been to a Pentecostal revival and like really really REALLY found jeebus.
The Pegster may be a holier-than-thou moralistic douchenozzle who jus’ wants to keep on walkin’ but she’s got light years to go before she even approaches that steaming pile of truthshit.
I thought Ted Kennedy’s great power in effectively legislating was the fact that he was a lightning rod for the right wing nutbags.
It’s not surprising that these uncouth bastards would be doing this a few hours after his death. These people think that death is funny.
The shame of the matter is, I don’t even exist.
God was too busy helping people win high school football games and Grammy Awards to comment.
We tried to post our nonexistence over there but were instantly deleted.
If we did exist, the fires of hell would surely await this judging judge and the judgments she judges.
With all these annoying geezers demanding the gubmint keep it’s hands off of healthcare, I’ve been thinking about an incident from 2004.I was minding my business doing some research at the library, when this old lady came in and plunked her self down in the middle of the reading area and started screeching about the liberals and how the country was going to fall apart if that nice Mister Bush was’nt re-elected.
She was obviously worked up by her afternoon marching orders from Rush and co. and just had to spread the word.Our senators Kennedy and ,of course,Kerry were the recipients of her most scornful comments.Such evil liberals!
I vaguely knew this woman and was aware that she lived in an elderly housing developement, received medicare and SSI and, most likely , food stamps.Like everyone else at the library I showed respect for the olds and just kept quiet, but I remember thinking that this fool owes her very sustenance to Ted Kennedy.
On her behalf, I want to thank him.
actor212,
You’re right, he had captured their imaginations in a way that Feingold or Sanders never seem to. Bizarrely, Ted Kennedy may be a bigger figure on the right than he is on the left. As much as we may love him, they hate him far more.
What can one do when one is likely unfit for heaven, but possesses just enough charity and love to stave off hell?
Hence the utility of my “charity and love insurance,” a 100% free-enterprise solution to the problem of insufficient God-approval. After a lifetime of reasonable premiums, you file a claim with us no later than the third day. On acceptance, we put in the Good Word with your Maker on your behalf. If your earthly bank account is especially blessed, we offer tort-reformed and bureaucratic-waste-free riders. Jesus, the Prince of Peace of Mind, says the Bible is the only “end-of-life” book you’ll need! Don’t face an eternity illegally immigrating past the Pearly Gates! Pay by cash or check today! Our shareholders are standing by, ready to pray on you!
God is getting really teed off, holding back the lightning bolts of retribution from smiting sanctimonious hypocrites like the Anchoress.
Even watching “The Daily Show” isn’t enough to keep the Almighty on an even keel these days.
What the hell are the “coastal enclaves” supposed to be, exactly? The majority of the world’s population lives near the sea.
I think she thinks she is being charitable and generous by allowing that Kennedy possesses “just enough charity and love to stave off hell.” This is probably a controversial statement in wingnut circles and she is probably getting irate emails.
Isn’t it in the job description of an anchoress that she should have as little contact as possible with the outside world? This one really needs to start practising that, the outside world would be very greatful.
Grateful. Shit.
Jacob Singer said,
“What the hell are the “coastal enclaves” supposed to be, exactly? The majority of the world’s population lives near the sea.”
Yaknow who else probably lived by the sea at some point? Hitler!
Anyway if the Wankeress and the Heartland Teabagging NASCAR dad army want’s to secede from the wicked coastal enclaves and have their Jesus Land that’s fine with me. It can only result in a stronger, healthier country for the rest of us.
Huffington Posts has a great Danziger cartoon:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-danziger
“Yaknow who else probably lived by the sea at some point? Hitler!”
Actually, it might have been part of his problem that he never did live by the sea.
From Linz to Vienna to Berlin to the Wolfschanze, ol’ Adolf seemed to want to live as far from the ocean as he practically could.
Ted Kennedy may be a bigger figure on the right than he is on the left.
I agree. For all his liberal creds, it’s funny how the only time you ever really read about him being “lionized” was every four years in convention.
Yaknow who else probably lived by the sea at some point? Hitler!
Well, a lake or two, maybe. And remember, part of the reason Germany went to war was to obtain the Danzig corridor to the Baltic, being landlocked and all.
Let us suffer the purgation!
I always do when I read Anchoress. Hwallllllllllllllp! Yorrick@! Garp! Ruuuuuth! Di Magggioooooo!
“Actually, it might have been part of his problem that he never did live by the sea.
From Linz to Vienna to Berlin to the Wolfschanze, ol’ Adolf seemed to want to live as far from the ocean as he practically could.”
I don’t want to get into the weeds on this, as I have a deadline. But by my lights, this is actually central to my point.
I am reminded of an episode of Star Trek when Kirk…
And remember, part of the reason Germany went to war was to obtain the Danzig corridor to the Baltic, being landlocked and all.
Germany was landlocked?
“I don’t want to get into the weeds on this, as I have a deadline. But by my lights, this is actually central to my point.”
I understand. We’ll always have Kiel…
“And remember, part of the reason Germany went to war was to obtain the Danzig corridor to the Baltic, being landlocked and all.”
Might want to take a look at a map of Schleswig-Holstein.
Germany was landlocked?
Apologies. My fingers are faster than my brain today. I meant that the Polish corridor divided East Prussia from Germany, effectively cutting off German access to that territory.
So the invisible dude you say is sitting on your shoulder and must be worshiped because he has a schlong as big as teh Universe thinks Ted Kennedy deserves an eternity of “Purgatory”?
Whispered that into your ear did he?
I’m betting teh Universal Schlong has the exact same concerns about health care as you, as well?
“There will be lots of people – both Catholic and non-Catholic – who will declare themselves “shocked and scandalized” that Kennedy would be given a Mass of Christian Burial.”
Non-Catholics? No fuckin’ likely. Unless the majority of non-Catholics has started giving two shits about silly-assed superstitions regarding whether or not a member of a certain faith should or not be laid to rest in land which has been properly cleansed by the local tribal shaman.
(Edit for clarification: not bashing Catholics here, just religion in general and conservative Catholics in particular)
Reading some of the conservative “tributes” to Kennedy, it looks like a lot of them take this route. I think K-Lo’s can be shortered to “He was a horrible person, I hated everything he did, and he was a rotten, Hell-bound Catholic. Tooooodles! (inserts smiley)”
From http://seminal.firedoglake.com/diary/7560 —
“Remember the ginned-up real-time media outrage over five minutes of remarks during Paul Wellstone’s Williams Arena memorial event in 2002? Remember how that fake outrage over the “partisan” nature of Rick Kahn’s remarks was used to elect Norm Coleman to Wellstone’s seat?
“Remember also when, a few short weeks later when Strom Thurmond had his 100th birthday party, the media did NOT stage a real-time freakout over partisanship when Thurmond’s birthday party (and looming resignation from the Senate) was not only turned into a GOP campaign ad, but into praise for Thurmond’s deeply racist career?It was only dirty nasty bloggers like Atrios who spoke out at first about Trent Lott’s lavish praise of Thurmond’s 1948 racist Dixiecrat challenge to Harry Truman — and it took several days of shouting on their parts to get the GOP/Media Complex interested.
[…]
“Meanwhile, the same “Eeeek! How partisan!” screechings made against the Wellstone memorial were being made yet again by the media goons in the wake of Coretta Scott King’s funeral.
“Always remember, folks, whatever you’re planning on doing: It’s OK — but only if you’re Republican.”
She’s so full of shit. And it’s not even the pseudo-intellectual shit that some thumpers and fundies can produce, it’s the ignorant, contradict yourself kind of blathering shit that the “real believers” pump out.
Believe it or not, Michelle Malkin almost…almost…pulls off a decent post about him.
“Always remember, folks, whatever you’re planning on doing: It’s OK — but only if you’re Republican.”
Everyone start collecting media e-mail addresses so we can start flooding them the instant they start the “Ohh, they politicized Kennedy’s funeral by talking about politics” bullshit.
How the hell else are you supposed to talk about Kennedy without mentioning his goddamn life’s work?
Pretty much every con obit for Kennedy is along the lines of – he was a Catholic and a liberal, so my money’s on hell. Oh yeah Chappaquiddick and Bork. Buh-bye.
Meanwhile, the Doughbob treated us to this deep thought:
Look see, Obama fucked up everything. Bookmark this.
Wottamess.
Hey, wot’s this down at the bottom of your column?
Bobo Wens is his usual classy and objective commentator.
BTW, wot’s this layin about all through your “eulogy”?
.
.
.
.
.
Wowwee. You left some partisan hackery all over your totally objective, non-political, opposite of “dreadful and classless” POS. Fortunately only teh lie-berals are evil monstrosities so not to worry there.
I’ve long thought that your average god-bothering Repub thug should be praying as hard as they can that the atheists are right about the existence of an afterlife.
If the atheists are right, the thugs are dirt, just like everyone else, and they’ll never suffer for how they wasted their lives.
If the atheists are wrong, there’s no sane interpretation of the Bible that’ll see them sitting on Jesus’ side of the fence…
I can’t help but think that tax cuts for the über-wealthy would have not only prolonged Kennedy’s life, but made America much more safe from terrarists.
The loss of such a large public figure reminds us all that Michael Moore is fat, just like algore. They should both remember that brain cancer is a horrible thing to have. I can’t help but htink that their only hopes for salvation is to make amends by renouncing the leftist positions they’ve popularized. Only through strong borders and denying gays the right to marry will the country be kept safe.
I can’t help but think that if Ted Kennedy had been armed with a pistol or assault rifle, this whole situation would have turned out much better. Afterall, an armed society is one with polie brain cancers.
Fortunately Ted Kennedy made the rounds before his death clearly indicating his strong opposition to health care reform. We can honour his memory by flushing Obamacare down the drain. I can’t help but think that Ted Kennedy would approve of the country making a hard shift to the right.
But when all is said and done, we should always remember Chappaquiddick.
The real question is, would Kennedy have survived the death panel he himself served on?
You know, I actually was hoping that his death would help get the health care reform passed.
Rick Perlstein via Digby before Ted’s death:
What can one do when one is likely unfit for heaven
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned” is exactly about this sort of talk. You can say people are wrong, or hypocrites, or whatever, but you CANNOT presume to determine their fate.
Germany was landlocked?
I think Actor meant “cockblocked.” Everyone know WWII was about access to slavic sex.
Shorter Anchoress: Why is everyone paying attention to that fat old Democrat? I’m the real Catholic here! Me! Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I can visualize the mind drifting (as if a wraith of incense smoke) out the window part.
Pondering her transgressions, less so.
Right wing catholics are funny like right wing mormons. You’re a minority member of a group that all thinks you’re going to hell anyway. The fundies will take your votes, but not your souls.
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned” is exactly about this sort of talk.
I get the feeling that your average Christian hasn’t read but a line or two from the Bible. If they knew half the stuff Jesus advocated for, they’d declare him a heretic.
Rick Perlstein via Digby before Ted’s death
WTF? Have the GOP really moved themselves that far beyond parody?
I can visualize the mind drifting (as if a wraith of incense smoke) out the window part.
Pondering her transgressions, less so.
I bet she ponders them constantly, as her proudest moments.
Anchoress needs more isolation & vow of silence … much, MUCH more.
When I hear the word “purgation” I reach for my enema-bag.
This is central to my point.
Stop flagellating yourself! Stop flagellating yourself! Stop flagellating yourself!
Looking forward to Alessandra Stanley’s obit.
Ted Kennedy (D-RI), the second last member of the six Kennedy Brothers died last night in Paris, France. He is survived by his wife, Maria Shriver; and their daughter, Princess Caroline of Monaco.
FYWP.
Those will be the anti-choice non-Catholics, who will seize the political opportunity to renew their demands that the Catholic Church immediately publicly humiliate Catholic politicians by refusing them Communion. And of course denying the Mass of Christian Burial to Kennedy in a big “Frak you!” to liberal Catholics everywhere. But the Church won’t. It’s been around for a long time and that’s not the result of it’s being apolitical.
Non-Catholics who aren’t anti-choice don’t give a rat’s patootie about Catholic liturgy. Sorry Anchoress. Your Catholicism is interesting to non-Catholics only when it’s being used as a political tool, or when the Pope prances about on American soil in his lacy skirts and red Prada shoes. He’s a celebrity!
Ummm…
I think Actor meant “cockblocked.”
More like braincramped. I had Poland on the brain.
The twits have begun, as Mary Jo is a “trending topic” only just eclipsed by “Senator Ted Kennedy”
Shorter Teh Wankeress:
Why is Rodney King famous and Kenneth Gladney unknown?
Because Rodney King actually was beaten up on video?
Furthemore, HA HAH!
/muntz
Bill Whittle:
Hmm. Well Rodney King had a criminal background, offered to fight numerous police officers after a police chase, was beaten by them after he was on the ground to the extent that he suffered broken bones and the trial where the officers were found innocent of wrongdoing sparked riots resulting in 53 deaths, 2,383 injuries, more than 7,000 fires, damages to 3,100 businesses, and nearly $1 billion in financial losses. During the riots King went on TV to plead for peace, famously asking “Can’t we all just get along?” King won $3.8 million in a civil case and started a hip hop music label, Straight Alta-Pazz Recording Company. He had several more alcoholic run-ins with the police. Since then he’s appeared in celebrity rehab shows as a client of the sex and substance abuse advice doctor, Dr. Drew. Now King is planning to participate in a celebrity boxing match.
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/dan_gross/20090730_Dan_Gross__Rodney_King___I_ll_fight_anybody_.html
Gladney has a loooooooong way to go before he earns his celebrity chops.
There will be lots of people – both Catholic and non-Catholic – who will declare themselves “shocked and scandalized” that Kennedy would be given a Mass of Christian Burial.
Thus proving their Christianity is quite the sham.
He’s twying wheeeeeeely hard.
Damn, that was the first word that popped into my head too.
That column is, like, sanctimoniousness made solid. Sanctimoniousness given form. A high-fiber-induced sanctimoniousness movement that she swears smells like frankincense and myrrh, but to the rest of us just plain stinks.
Gladney has a loooooooong way to go before he earns his celebrity chops.
Just another example of The Man keeping a brutha down, knowwhutAhmsayin’?
“God” left a comment over there:
“What a small, hateful, priggish and loathsome bunch you all are. If I weren’t busy ignoring the suffering of countless millions elsewhere, I’d smite the shit out of you. Now go pray some more.”
That’s enough to make me a believer.
DKW @ 18:00, that was a work of art. I’m forwarding it to all my fellow NYT readers.
I’m forwarding it to all my fellow NYT readers.
I hope all three of them find it as hilarious as you did.
Memo to Christians: we’re glad you liked our book, but the Pharisees weren’t meant to be role models. Sorry if we didn’t make that clear enough.
Everyone know WWII was about access to slavic sex.
Headin’ for Gdansk… Lookin’ for Romansk…
the Pharisees weren’t meant to be role models
Course they were. Pharisee, pharido!
Or if you prefer —
Pharisee, pharisah, life goes on, brah.
Pharisee, pharido!
Who you calling a “phari”, ya pansi?
There will be lots of people – both Catholic and non-Catholic – who will declare themselves “shocked and scandalized” that Kennedy would be given a Mass of Christian Burial.
I hope she has fun playing with her imaginary friends. These extremist idiots really do really they’re the mainstream.
Who you calling a “phari”, ya pansi?
Logical pharisees are in the next thread.
“There will be lots of people – both Catholic and non-Catholic – who will declare themselves “shocked and scandalized” that Kennedy would be given a Mass of Christian Burial.”
And for what reason? And would those same “Catholics and non-Catholics” object to a requiem mass for say, those bishops that protected the pedophiles in the church, or any Catholic legislators that supported the recent war of aggression, or who may have been adulterers?
Who you calling a “phari”, ya pansi?
It’s the plural of “pharos,” or lighthouse, implying that you light up his life, that you give him hope to carry on.
Also, if the Anchoress is a pharisee, who is the pharissor?
That would be Jeebus, cruelly defamed in the New Testament as some sort of liberal.
specifically by the left … and wouldn’t that be a dreadful and classless thing?
I don’t see how it’s that dreadful – the left have always wanted a classless society.
Also, for a “Catholic” she doesn’t seem up on the cosmology.
I mean, really, how fucking out of it do you need to be to know they discontinued Purgatory (I believe that’s the proper term) now that they don’t need to make a fast fucking buck off indulgences.
I know she calls herself the Anchoress, but shit. Did you know they hold the Mass in the language of your choice now too? It turns out nobody fucking connected with the Latin Mass anymore, except old ass motherfuckers like Mel Gibson’s anti-Semite pops.
the Republican-friendly Bible
That’s the one with the footnoted Commandments, right?
If they knew half the stuff Jesus advocated for, they’d declare him a heretic.
Have you seen those churches with the huge crosses out front? If JC comes back, they’re ready.
What can one do when one is likely unfit for heaven, but possesses just enough charity and love to stave off hell?
Yeah, it’s not like the Catholic Church has a means of becoming reconciled with God.
I mean, really, how fucking out of it do you need to be to know they discontinued Purgatory (I believe that’s the proper term) now that they don’t need to make a fast fucking buck off indulgences
Did they discontinue Purgatory? I thought they’d discontinued Limbo. Too many faithful upset that they wouldn’t be reunited with their un-baptized babies in the afterlife.
I gave up all that stuff for Lent.
Let us suffer the purgation!
Wait a minute. I thought he was supposed to be sentenced to Purgatory* not us!
I dint do nothin, Officer, I swear!
*For a term not less than 1,000 years without prayer parole, and no time off for good behavior.
(Yeah, it was Limbo that they abolished. By decree. Easy peasy!)