Dear Acme Company,

Please find enclosed Item #735-1011, “Giant Waffle Iron,” which I am returning because it is defective and dishonest and is bad and sucks, and I am very angry and covered in syrup, and my body is now shaped like a waffle.

Please send Item #013-9520, “Rocket-Powered Shopping Cart.”

I’ll get that Roadrunner this time.

John Hinderaker


“Russ Feingold Is A Traitor”

That’s the subject heading of an email sent out by Howard Dean earlier this afternoon–in quotation marks. So Dean is quoting someone, right? Wrong. His email begins:

That’s what Republicans want you to think.

So the “quote” is Dean’s.

So Hinderaker is quoting someone, right? Wrong. The word “quote” in “quotes” is Hinderaker’s. The blatant dishonesty bla bla something zoom oink unhinged fracka-fracka and this proves it, no backsies.

Here is the basis for it:

This week Republican Senator Wayne Allard of Colorado, in an interview with Fox News radio, said in response to Feingold’s action that he has “time and time again [sided] with the terrorists”.

Send a message to Senator Allard: shame on him for questioning the patriotism of another Senator. Sign this petition and it will be delivered to Allard:

It looks as though the Democrats are trying to deflect attention from their own embarrassment over Feingold’s blunder by changing the subject to purported attacks on Feingold’s patriotism. I wonder, though, what Allard actually said. Somehow, it makes me suspicious when Howard Dean quotes a fragment of a sentence, in which he himself supplied the verb. I haven’t been able to track down a transcript of Allard’s interview, or even a longer quote. Does anyone out there know what Allard said?
Posted by John at 01:54 PM

Sigh. Hey, Gazoogle… Oh Great Gazoogle


Zeerp! “Hello, Dum-dum.”


Comments: 15


Feingold’s “blunder”? He’s the only man with any sack in that there domed building.

Reminds me of that quote I misremember about a “political gaffe” being a true statement made by a pol. That’s the only way i can see “doing the right thing” becoming a “blunder”, or “defending the Constitution” became “treason”, for that matter. You gotta get all Emeril on it.

You gotta put everything through the ol’ Partisan Cuisinart with a dash of smear, a pinch of cognitive dissonance and a teaspoon of pure wingnut extract (80 proof, baby! Keep it away from Gavin.).

I call it Right-Wing Surprise (aka [Half-]Baked [Bridge in] Alaska). Makes enough for 52% of registered voters. Serve with ranch.

But be warned–the slightest iota of reality will ruin the whole recipe.


I’m embarrassing on PowerTools behalf. We trashed each other in high school with more finesse and sophistication than ole Buttrocket here.




Does anyone out there know what Allard said?

Ahem, Mr. Hinderaker.

Hysterical Woman

Dean is quoting Hindraker from the future.


Big mix-up here. Hindraker’s pissed that you think he’s not the sharpest, er, tool in the shed. He issued a response, but mistakenly sent it to my email.

Deer Gavn,

U think u r so smart!!!

U think u r so funnee!!!

U think ol’ assrockit izz dum!!!

Enuff uv ur libberel trix!!!

Google izz part of a libberel kahnspiracy. George Soros owns it. Don’t deny it!!! That izz a fack, Mr. Gavin!!!

So dont bee wavin thet Google in my fase, Mr. Gavin!!! Ah aint dum!!!


John Assrockit, esq.

P.S. Tha Grate Gazoo was an agent of Hollyweird and itz raddikal homo ajenda 4 Amerika.

He did majic trix. Hee floo. He talked purty. Only the men-folk saw him. Think ’bout it!!!


Ooh, burn. That’s what happens, John, when you try to impersonate Jonah G. ’round these parts.

Canadian Bystander

Now hang on, if we’ve learned anything from the last few comment threads, it’s that just because someone said something, doesn’t mean they actually said it.


Imagine Allard’s statements being made by Milton Waddams. It works pretty well.

“I believe you have my stapler?”


Oh, come on, Gav! You expect Buttmissile to master teh Gazoogle, all while his head is shoved so far up Dumbya’s asscheeks, the better to administer the 24/7 rim job Buttmissile is renowned for? It’s unpossible!


Leggo my eggo, other guy!


Where would we be without our daily affirmation of stupid from Power Line? Much, much worse off, I’d say.


Come on, dudes, if you’re gonna use the great gizoogle, use the great


Hindlicker and the rest of the ‘Tools could never imagine that a Rethug would call a Dem a traitor or a friend of Saddam or say that a Dem is doing Bin Laden’s bidding. Of course, those of us without our heads up our asses have actually read or heard Rethugs say exactly those things. Perhaps Hindlicker should pull his fucking head out before he mouths off.


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