In The Eye Of The Beholder, As They Say
Posted on August 19th, 2009 by Tintin
ABOVE: Bernadette Malone
Shorter Bernadette Malone, America’s Shittiest Website™
Bob Novak As I Knew Hime
- The thing I remember about Bob Novak is how sweet he was, like the time he told me that letting women reporters like me into the National Press Club ruined it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Novak really did hate everyone, didn’t he? No wonder the Republicans loved him so…
“I would wait, wide-eyed and stiff, for his next zinger.”
That was really more than I wanted to know.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
And also. Erick Erickson is in full Jedi wank mode…. again.
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
RIP, Douchebag for Liberty.
Robert Novak obituary:
The passing of an Unindicted Traitor.
Hime?
“Hime”???
Wow, I didn’t know that my opinion of Bob Novak could go lower. I wonder if Bernadette Malone understands how stupid and creepy she makes him look:
.
Not only did Bob Novak play a moronic and insecure jerkhole as a media personality, but apparently he was a moronic and insecure jerkhole in real life. Yayys!
His contributions to charities are legendary, and his interest in shepherding young conservative interns and cub reporters into journalism careers makes him a candidate for sainthood (at least during an Obama administration).
Running people over in your car does not generally count as a charitable contribution. I always thought sainthood was forever, now I find out it only lasts for one American president’s time in office. Seems like kind of a weird way for the catholic church to do business but I guess it’s their call.
He’s funny.
“And why don’t I need any sugar in my coffee?” he’d ask us.
“Because you’re already sweet,” we’d sing back.
Because if we didn’t sing it back, promptly, on key, in harmony, with NO sense of irony or eye-rolling, the “employee morale enhancement and motivation sessions” would commence, and well, say what you want about tatoos, they are a lot cheaper to remove than the kind of scars red-hot fireplace pokers can leave…
Fuck Bob Novak and the bat he flew in on.
Keep it up, libs. But just wait until Teddy Kennedy dies. We’ll be even more mean-spirited.
How about drowning a mistress by driving her off a bridge?
Fuck Bob Novak and the bat he flew in
onas.Fickst
We’ll be even more mean-spirited.
O we know that. It’s the only thing you’re good at.
Fuck you with Bob Novak’s dessicated wrinkly dick.
Dang! It’s too late! We’ve said mean stuff about Novakula! Now we’ll never get a chance to see how gracious Troofie was going to be when Ted Kennedy dies! Nope, too late! No take-backsies!
I’ll give Novak a pass on the running the pedestrian over bit, only because just a few days later his brain tumor was discovered. Brain tumors can cause blackouts and all sorts of erratic behavoir. It’s ironic that in his case, the brain tumor merely loosened his inhibitions against doing the kind of stuff he always wanted to do anyway – such as run poor people down in the streets like dogs. That’s the bit where I won’t give him a pass.
Than what? You mean, there has ever been some sort of a pause or truce on Chappaquiddick? Okay. Sure.
I was promised a beholder in that picture. There are only vampires. Why can’t this be a serious blog? I’m very, very concerned. Where is the outpouring of sympathy for the man who had none?
(delurking)
Since we’re all remembering our fond memories of Novak, I remember the first time I became aware of him, he was railing about some education bill or something that would, you know, contribute to the general knowledgability of our citizenry.
Novak’s insightful commentary began with a curmudgeonly “Well, the Educationists win again!”
Educationists? Really?
OK, using the Golden Rule as my guide, I’ll run him over with my car.
Keep it up, libs. But just wait until Teddy Kennedy dies. We’ll be even more mean-spirited.
We never suspected you capable of such low behavior, your high-minded posts here have led us to think better of you.
Pftt. As if Ted Kennedy’s some kind of great “liberal” anyway.
Corrupt bourgeois twatbasket.
I remember the first time I laid eyes on that gorgeous hunk of manhood. It was at a Terps basketball game and Bob was there with Rowlie. I just had to catch his eye! So I sauntered up to him showing much more cleavage than usual and said “Mr. Novak, could I be so bold as to inquire if you might have an opening for an intern with whom you could share your worldly experiences? I am actually much older than I look. (I was actually a freshman at UM, so this must have been 1992.)” I must say I was shocked when he told Rowlie he had to run. We had a marvelous time. He took me to this little apartment he had in Chevy Chase. It was a week I will never forget! He was such an animal!
Looks like she and Kate O’Bierne have the same dentist.
He kept his own Greek Vaudeville Chorus at his side at all times, because Lord knows, a man in Washington needs all the self-esteem boost he can possibly get, what with all the Evohl Wimminz thinking they deserve to be respected.
Novakferatu, rest in pieces, you traitorous fuck.
One couldn’t moisten a postage stamp with the tears which will be shed at Novak’s and Cheney’s wakes combined.
OK, using the Golden Rule as my guide, I’ll run him over with my car.
Won’t that make the brains all mooshy?
One small step for a vampire; one giant leap for mankind.
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
He’s on to something – Jedi Knights were famous, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, for screaming exaggerations about their imaginary enemies, bursting into tears in public, and having their sponsors boycotted.
I’m struggling to remember when Conservatives were not petty-minded, mean-spirited assholes who went out of their way to kick people when they’re down.
So you’ve got nothing new, then?
Now HOLD YOUR HORSES! Is this foxy vixen with the come-hither stare:
http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/original/bernadette-malone.jpg
the same “Bernadette Malone” that wants to suck my blood??? If so, Ms. Malone is setting a new record in the category old skank uses hopelessly outdated pic of self in order to pass as a youthful non-skank.” (Previous winners include K-Load and Li’l Debbie cakes.)
We’ll be even more mean-spirited.
Oh, my, yes, I remember how classy you guys were oh, say, when Paul Wellstone died. *snerk*
p.s., screaming “Chappaquiddick” over and over again is not going to count as something new. Just FYI, that was 40 years ago last month. It’s old enough to have grandchildren.
Is this foxy vixen with the come-hither stare:
That pic looks like the output from that high school yearbook photo generator that was all the rage a while back.
I’ll give Novak a pass on the running the pedestrian over bit, only because just a few days later his brain tumor was discovered. Brain tumors can cause blackouts and all sorts of erratic behavoir. It’s ironic that in his case, the brain tumor merely loosened his inhibitions against doing the kind of stuff he always wanted to do anyway – such as run poor people down in the streets like dogs. That’s the bit where I won’t give him a pass.
Damn near Perfect. *claps*
Just FYI, that was 40 years ago last month.
Still ripped from the headlines – remember that in the wingnut POV, the 1960s still hurt, but the GW Bush (who?) administration is ancient history.
I post wherever I want, when I want, you can’t stop me.
Gawd, have Republicans always been this infantile or am I just now realizing it?
Again, Tintin, I have thousands of proxies, you can’t block them all!
re: Sarlacc Sarlaccson
I’m going to be as generous as I possibly can an say that this line actually kinda worked with Palin. She was struck down out of the Govenor’s seat (sure it was self-inflicted, but Obi Wan intentionally lost his duel too) and is now one with the Twitter. And it’s a valid argument that she is more powerful(ly stupid) than before now that she no longer needs to maintain the dignity of public office.
But GET OFF MY PHONE!!!? I don’t understand how this works. If GET OFF MY PHONE!!! is struck down out of his teevees show – what happens then? He’s already the disembodied advisor floating in the ether.
Anyways, considering how much Erickson loves the Obi Wan analogy, I have decided (since I’m being so generous) to volunteer to strike him down.
If GET OFF MY PHONE!!! is struck down out of his teevees show – what happens then?
Fuckhead still has his radio show, f’crrisakes.
And he’ll have all the more free time to write more shitty books about TEH TWUE CWISTMAS SPIWIT and also.
Obi Wan-Kenobi was the Glenn Beck of Star Wars fascism.
My killfile’s name is Legion, for many moronic asshole trolls were entered into it.
Obi Wan Kenobi is the Hitler of RedState Godwinism
And anyway – why doesn’t the “free market uber alles can’t compete buggy whips” thing apply to douchenozzle entertaino-“journalist”s, perchance?
Gummint bailouts for failed talk show hosts! We can call it the “Pinheadulus”!
You know the problem with proxies? They aren’t votes. And President Barack Hussein Obama got most of the votes. So now I’m just a sad little racist half-panda (no black in MY fur!) who has to brag about being able to google up a proxy list to make me feel like a man, because I’m terrified that a registered commentary system or worse, people using a killfile to just ignore me will show everyone how small my e-penis is. Poor, sad little half panda. Ahhhhh…. diddums
Plus Bob Novak is dead. Dead, dead, dead, which I only care about because it enrages me to think about, because he was an enemy of Liberalism, and I can’t stand the thought that Liberals might not be suffering a tiny amount less than they otherwise would have been today.
“Keep it up, libs. But just wait until Teddy Kennedy dies. We’ll be even more mean-spirited.”
That’s okay. The warm, generous farewells so many of you offered upon the death of Eunice Kennedy Shriver was enough to help prepare for when Teddy buys the farm. And what kind of person thinks being mean-spirited is something to brag about?
“Keep it up, libs. But just wait until Teddy Kennedy dies. We’ll be even more mean-spirited.”
You do constantly amaze with your ability to dig well below the bottom of the barrel.
You’ll still be plagiarizing it all, though.
I post wherever I want, when I want, you can’t stop me.
(another dining room table)
This recalls the feelings elicited after reading the WFB hagiography in The Atlantic – the endless beneficence extended towards those in your truncated monkeysphere is supposedly to be lauded. Sorry, extending charity to your immediate fellows while churlishly denouncing aid to the larger public is more repellent than consistent parsimony.
And what kind of person thinks being mean-spirited is something to brag about?
Well, Robert Novak, for one.
“Mean spirited” = average drunk.
If I had a hammer
I’d see Obi Wan in conservatives
I’d see Obi Wan in GOPpers
All over this land
A conservative’s in danger
I’ll hammer out this warning
If you strike them down, they shall return, more powerful than (you could possibly imagine)
All over this land
A city mourns.
THANK YOU, BOB
My favorite memory of Novak is the look on his face when Bob Dole was roasting him and said that Novak was dressing up for Halloween as a human being.
Mean Spirited? They’ll be dancing jugs, I mean jigs in the streets (a horrible vision…just imagine Doughy Loandpants and K-Lo and so many other) more happily than the Palestinians on 9/11. Only our Repugs won’t be handing out candy to kids. No way, that’s “Socialism!”
My favorite memory of Bob Novak was the look on his face when Bob Dole roasted him by claiming that Novak was going to masquerade on Halloween as a human being.
Hey troofie! I’ll pit our guy who negligently caused someone’s death via auto against yours, who negligently caused someone’s death by auto AND committed treason anyday, ya thumb-dicked sack of meningial pus.
Oh, also, howzis for mean spirited? You and Bob Novak both are the moral equivalent of the stain on the carpet of a doublewide where a redneck killed and ate a dead dog after he fucked it.
See, I was expecting to see someone shooped into having one enormous eye and tentacles. That would have been cooler. Shame, Tintin.
You know what’s kinda mean-spirited? Accusing jews of being Nazis. That’s not just regular caliber Godwinning, but it’s got that extra little bit of vehemence that you don’t find in any old town hall meeting.
Oh, I know, don’t feel the trolls, but that felt soooo good. Also, ‘I have thousands of proxies woopety doopety” is just hilarious. It doesn’t change the fact that LIBS WON the election. A mixed-race city boy beat out the good ol rich white fuck whose only answer to problems is “meh! War! Get off my lawn!” and that’s funny.
At the rate troofy is going through proxies, we should dispense of those thousands in a couple of days or so.
judging by the nyms in badgerfile, that is.
Now, let’s get to the real issue: why is there no toilet in that photoshop? Wouldn’t want Watts to get complacent.
Good point zrm, he must be low on proxies.
By the way, troofie, ya cretinous coward, what happened to your promise to leave? Oh, I forgot, you’re a right winger, so being an incontinent liar with vestigial twig-and-berries is in your core nature.
Now now, mustn’t speak ill of the departed & all that cack … so … wasn’t Novak GREAT at betraying his country & giving aid to terrorists? Plus he’s become MUCH less ignorant, abrasive & vindictive now that he’s become Purina Maggot-Chow!
Aloha, Bob – say hi to your fellow traitor McVeigh for us, won’t you?
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
Again with those bleeding-edge Star Wars references! I just threw up in my escape-pod a little.
Don’t tell me, let me guess – if we strike him down he’ll become more powerful than we can possibly imagine. Problem with that is, Odious Waaah Kenokidoki is merely getting his just desserts for being a royal dickhead, not being sawed in half with a light-saber … & the whole PermaMartyr schtick from him is already older than dirt. It’s pretty much all he’s got – & the only people who like one-note symphonies are avant-garde hipster noise-core freaks. Losing his show may well be a good thing for him & his fanclub, too – because one look at that sweaty, bug-eyed face, & you just know he’s well down the road to pulling a Budd Dwyer & sucking back some 9mm mouthwash live on-air.
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
Well Obi Wan’s life was nothing but FAIL ( overlook the Sith Lord in charge from down the hall for 20 years, train the Jedi’s downfall, being a prissy nag) , and the only good thing he did in a galactic sense was die, so you take what you will from that…
Don’t tell me, let me guess – if we strike him down he’ll become more powerful than we can possibly imagine.
Yeah, see, it’ll work out just like sarah Palin!!
Red State commenter: “On the day that we lost a far more thoughtful conservative like Robert Novak, Beck emotionalism stands in stark contrast to Novak’s Ben Stein-ian intellectualism.”
Ben Stein-ian intellectualism? I thought you weren’t supposed to speak ill of the dead?
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
If Dick Cheney slices him up with a glow stick we’ll know.
Is Glenn Beck Fox TV’s
Obiggest WanKernobi?Why yes, yes he is. (Close competition though.)
I just had a thought that properly belongs in the last thread, but everybody’s over here now, and I wouldn’t want to miss the chance to make Troofie’s head ass-plode.
Since it sounds like the White House is ready to put up a fight on healthcare now, and they’ve allowed the Republicans to show everybody that they won’t vote for anything, even if Obama let them write it in his blood…
Maybe they’ll get a bill with the public option through in reconciliation. But if they don’t, what’s to keep Obama from lowering the age for Medicare, and/or raising the income ceiling for Medicaid, by Executive Order?
Bush essentially ruled by Executive Order, and the Congress didn’t let out a peep about it. Of course, the Rethugs would scream like howler monkeys, but who cares?
Give everybody a taste of Medicare/Medicaid for whoever needs it, and there’s no way in Hell anybody could get elected in 2012 on the platform of taking it away!
TVRBoK, I like the way you think!
Ben Stein-ian intellectualism
I must have missed when Novak dressed up like a schoolboy to advertise a shitty ill-sourced movie.
In the words of Marty Feldman, “Too late.”
If you are correct, sir (Mr. TVRBoK), and Barry gets a public option (in whatever form, be it lowering Medicare age requirements or whatever), I can’t help but think that the Republican/Conservative shock troops will begin to curl up fetal-like and wimper for their Mommies. That would be some serious political kung-fu on all elebenity levels.
That would be nice.
I should have added that I don’t think that was any part of the plan, or any 11-dimensional chess move or whatever, since Nobody Could Have Predicted that the right-wingers would make such asses of themselves so early in the process. Front-loading the Crazy like that may very well have bitten them in the butt.
Front-loading the Crazy like that may very well have bitten them in the butt.
Part of their hydrophobia is that they bite themselves in the butt.
The Republicans were men of no good fame, yet they were grateful to such as had helped them to their places, and courteous to those they had a dependence upon.
You and Bob Novak both are the moral equivalent of the stain on the carpet of a doublewide where a redneck killed and ate a dead dog after he fucked it.
roast beef kazenwhatsit FTW
Ugggckkkh. I wonder if my healthcare covers a brain scrape to free me of that image.
Novak played guitar for AC/DC?
Cheer up, Emo-troll.
I’ve got your sainthood right here, Bob, and I’m ramming it up your wrinlky, dessicated old asshole. Too bad you’re not alive any more to feel it (if you ever felt anything, that is, other than hatred for everyone and everything good on this planet), you pathetic fucking traitorous douchebag. Good riddance.
For me, this is smeared, greasy window into Novak’s soul:
“Why is writing an editorial like taking a p*** in a serge wool suit? It feels great, but nobody notices!”
Now, it’s an old joke, but I have never heard it told in quite that way.
SAN loss: 1d6
Of course, the Rethugs would scream like howler monkeys, but who cares?
What have we learned, boys and girls? The Repubs will scream, as well as whistle, yell, yodel, warble, bellow, holler and make fart noises no matter what the Democrats do–including nothing!!
Obama could break into Republican HQ and copy the Republican Plan for Healthcare (assuming that such a document actually existed) word for word and put it in a bill, and the republican would immediately condemn it as the most Hitlery, Stalinish, Destroy-America-As-We-Know-It bill EVAH!!
They don’t want to “win”; they want Obama to lose. It’s time to stop negotiating with these turds and do what they were elcted to do!
Front-loading the Crazy like that may very well have bitten them in the butt.
“Front-loading” implies a rational, tactical plan. Or at least a plan. I don’t think the Repug/Conservative troops have any plan. Or leadership. The howl of the mob is directing things. And, if I were working in Barry’s political strategy operation, I think I would be looking very hard at how to ju-jitsu that unguided crazy to my advantage.
Mebbe that’s what you meant with the “nobody could of predicted” notation.
Again, it would be nice.
Kid, that stick is your ice cream spoon.
This is just like trying to recall a time when Conservatives weren’t kicking their enemies in the face after they were already down.
When IN THE HELL was Ben Stein ever considered a serious intellectual? Festoon a witless boob who believes the world was created 6,000 years ago with law degrees and he’s still a witless boob who believes the world was created 6,000 years ago.
Oh wait he also played a high-school teacher in a fucking movie.
Yes, I’m aware he was a law professor. I’m not as impressed by a legal degree as many might wish me to be — when I asked my lawyer friend if he had taken lots of classes in logic and rhetoric to get his degree, he answered no none at all, all he’d done was study case histories.
I wonder if Lunch Lady leaves these little pearls of hairnetty goodness in other comment threads around the Intertrons?
Steerpike:
I have obtained an copy of Ye Olde Republican Health Plan, to wit I have reproduced below in a high degree of accuracy:
I wonder if Lunch Lady leaves these little pearls of hairnetty goodness in other comment threads around the Intertrons?
I kinda hope not. It’s nice to think she saves them for this place.
Call me selfish.
It’s nice to think she saves them for this place.
I dunno. First come, first served.
Front-loading the Crazy
I dunno….I got a feeling they have a lot more Crazy left in the bunkers.
The Lunch Lady is OK but I miss the fuching ferrets shtick. It always makes me laugh, the Lunch Lady not so much.
They’re all out of comedic crazy and are now into the violent crazy.
It’s like a neapolitan ice cream container of crazy. The vanilla is white collar crime, class warfare, and “I got mine” hypocrisy, the chocolate is race-hate for anyone darker than (or more Sephardic looking than) Glenn Beck, and the strawberry is the “tree of liberty needs watered by yer blood, librul nazi” pure on violence hate.
Remember, they make the rules, becuz they’re real Murrkuns.
Like they tell their followers:
“L’Etat, c’est all-y’all, goldurnit. Ahyuck.”
Front-loading the Crazy
I dunno….I got a feeling they have a lot more Crazy left in the bunkers.
I think they’ve gone off prematurely, which is a common wingnut trait (bookmark this!). By Godwinning this early, any of their screechings in ’10 will be either off-the-charts Alex Jones/David Icke looniness or a big anticlimax. In the meantime, we have months to crack down on the Blue Dogs (I am watching Joe Sestak’s senatorial campaign with great interest), and to pressure the President to consider an executive order to decrease the eligibility age for Medicare. I think Barry’s appeal for bipartisanship has been valuable, in that he’s shown his opponents for the shitbags they are, and now has no reason not to give them a nice lead pipe to the melon.
The Repubs will scream, as well as whistle, yell, yodel, warble, bellow, holler and make fart noises no matter what the Democrats do–including nothing!!
A-yup. Or, as I said over the GOS earlier, President Obama could personally save Sarah Palin from a burning building and the only GOP response would be to accuse him of grabbing her ass on the way down the ladder.
We’ll be even more mean-spirited.
That doesn’t seem possible.
Bush essentially ruled by Executive Order, and the Congress didn’t let out a peep about it. Of course, the Rethugs would scream like howler monkeys, but who cares?
But if Obama did it, it would be tyranny!
if we strike him down he’ll become more powerful than we can possibly imagine.
This also works for my PENIS.
Excuse mah over-sharing.
OK, using the Golden Rule as my guide, I’ll run him over with my car.
Here in NZ we only have white lines down the road, but we are a poor nation.
The Lunch Lady is OK but I miss the fuching ferrets shtick. It always makes me laugh, the Lunch Lady not so much.
Dammit ADM, my gramma was a Lunch Lady, and you malign her Corps at her peeril….
When did Fuching Ferrets ever give you a steaming plate of Beanie Weenies?
At YOUR PERIL, adm, dammit zombie started drinking early today….
Well it certainly would be for Satan.
“…the Lunch Lady not so much.”
I love The Lunch Lady second only to The Goddam Batman. Then again, I like giggling.
Mr. Mcdonald, thought this might be of interest.
Its sad when any human being dies. So let me surprise even myself and say, if there is any afterlife then may he do as well as possible. And like I hope for all of us, face mercy and compassion as well as justice.
I love The Lunch Lady second only to The Goddam Batman.
I cannot place them in a hierarchy. The Goddam Batman is the Win to the Lunch Lady’s Wang. I may have use a wrong consonant somewhere.
‘W’ is NOT A CONSONANT.
But neither is “Y”
#
Duros62 said,
August 19, 2009 at 23:49 (kill)
Mr. Mcdonald, thought this might be of interest.
you’re like the eighteenth person to bring that to my attention.
Besides the fact that the guy from the Cure is running it, why does everybody figure I would appreciate a study WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO FIGURE OUT THE BEST WAY TO OBLITERATE ME?
Forewarned is forearmed? JUST WHOSE ARMS ARE THOSE ANYWAY?!!
Its sad when any human being dies
Novak didn’t qualify as a human being. “Douchebag of Liberty Springs Permanent Leak” is about as compassionate as I get.
But Zombie, he isn’t the guy from The Cure; he’s got a whole extra question mark on his name! That’s like having a name spelled “H-E-N-3-R-Y,” only better.
I should know; I spell my name with punctuation all the time.
If Mary Jo Kopechne had lived her granddaughter could be fucking Levi Johnston right now.
[Kelly Bundy] “To be forewarned is to have four arms.” [/Kelly Bundy]
you’re like the eighteenth person to bring that to my attention.
Hey zrm, check out this link, I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it.
Nineteenth!
Is Glenn Beck TV’s Obi Wan Kenobi?
No. He’s TV’s Jar Jar Binks.
[Kelly Bundy] “To be forewarned is to have four arms.” [/Kelly Bundy]
[Walt Kelly] “But four-armed is half an octopus – and who’d want to be that?” [/Walt Kelly]
From Hilaire Belloc’s ‘Epitaph on the Politician Himself’ –
“Here, richly, with ridiculous display,
The Politician’s corpse was laid away.
While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged
I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.”