Instead Of A Title, By A Man Too Busy To Write One*
What’s this? Why, it’s one of those emails from Human Events, the weekly conservative magazine founded in 1944 by the not at all pro-German textile heir Henry Regnery, whose father didn’t team up with Hitler-admiring Social Darwinists, such as the salt company scion Sterling Morton and Sears chairman Robert E. Wood, in bankrolling the America First Committee,1 and who was later by no means a leading champion of the Nuremburg defendants or anything like that.
Washington Post confirms Grandma faces Euthanasia under Obamacare
Oh good grief.
Because no, stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but here we are in the future, all of a sudden. Indeed, of all the futures encountered to date, the 21st Century is by far the most advanced and au courant, with the supersonic VTOL airliners booming us from New York to Los Angeles and back in three hours, with today’s hydrofoils, monotremes, and triremes among other boat and rail innovations — these our monorails, those our four-boomed quatremarans — with eyes glued to our holographic TVs and fingers glued to the more than two dozen channels at our fingertips. The diatomic power from splitting two atoms, the ballast-boomed undersea submaran running on subatomic power. Atomic numbers to blow up enemy numbers. There are the personal CB radios the size and approximate shape of tiny folding telephones, some furnished with miniature typewriter keyboards. David Sedaris — practically the Irvin S. Cobb of the Trefoil Age. Manalapan, NJ, once merely a man, land, and a map, now corporate home of Amana, Pan Am, and Pam, and site of planned canals.1 Remolished and newly molished architecture reverses the age-old scars of demolition, e.g. of derbies. The Baby Eisenstein products and the rise of infant cinema.
Another example? There’s the Gullah Dictionary that everybody thought was a trick, everybody being all, “Gullah dictionary, right. Now let me guess here, they took the word ‘Gullah’ out of it. Heh-heh, bull. Gullah-bull, yes. Hey, I took my dick out while playing Pictionary too, and now there’s a photo of it on the Southern occult porn site, Blow the Mason Dicks Online — why don’t you go look? The title is ‘In Dicks’ Elan, I’ll Take My Stand, to Levon’s Dying Dick, See?’ meaning Levon Helm. It’s rated four out of four bells and four out of four singing people although someone seems to be driving it down — why don’t you go look?”
Except then we were like, “Uh, no really, they did.”
Good times; the future. Because no, what I’m saying is: Despite our technical progress, and contrary to what postwar moralists had imagined for us, on our higher temporal perch relative to theirs vis-a-vis the World Wars, and with our presumed greater mastery of the social sciences that, they believed, would guard civilization against another Hitler — despite this, one notices when looking around the American precincts of this future, first off, that being literally Hitlery, behaving and operating within society in the manner of a Hitler, seems not to draw any great disapproval from people — specifically their Bestimmtentyrannensablehnung, or the reflexive disapproval of a people toward a leader harmful to the Volksgemeinschaft. This is an imaginary mile-deep pit, studded with precious gems and metals, and mined by poets and statesmen and the trolls of legend, which symbolizes the socio-intellectual life of a nation.
Or so it might if I weren’t just making that up, exploiting a crude homonymy between Gemeinschaft and ‘mine shaft.’ And so ‘Bestimmtentyrannensablehnung‘ might if it weren’t assembled to order like a $5 footlong. Also, the imaginary word, ‘Volksgemeinsturzende,’ or what happens when people are trapped in the collapse of a nation’s soul. In all of this, I’m leading into some notes on flagrancy, specifically the flagrancy of such a globed and blood-sweating tick as Rush Limbaugh (for instance), and the effect it creates upon life in America to have such people succeed materially and socially despite the reek of evil, strictly defined as well as relatively, that clings to everything they do — a ‘moral hazard’ somehow undiscovered by the free market cultists, so vigilant against the shattering of self-respect caused by easy access to medical care. It is the fact that these Limbaughs can have such wealth and status while radiating, in a word, Hitler.
And not just Hitler the character, the celebrity villain, but the Hitler that was a fulcrum of popular anger, followed not in spite of his crude manipulations of the crowds he attracted, but in a way because of it — followed, as it were, in spite.
[Abruptly zipped out of the typewriter carriage and posted, continuing later incl. above-indicated footnotes.]
It sounds much better in the original Lizard People, sorry.
Atomic numbers to blow up enemy numbers.
Blow them up? Oh no, we number-crunch them. Where did you think Ground Zero comes from?
Raskolnikov, is that you?
Great intro to bad rubbish. Sounds more like S. J. Perelman to me, especially the part about monotreme riding. Many rightwing editorials seem to read as if they were composed by duck-billed platypii.
Save the baby monotremes!
And yet, thither and yon, our fembot chauffeurs our hovercar thence, consumables in our cargo repositoire, yet still our family values turgidly rise from our consciences, making us arrogant in our humility.
Abruptly zipped out of the typewriter carriage and posted
Then why aren’t the “1”s “l”s and the exclamation points apostrophes over periods?
Kerners, attack!
Hm, okay, so, in this dimension, Pynchon writes for Mad Magazine. (hops back in the sleek Heinleinian Pan Dimensional Spaceship And Fascist Sex Kitten Attractor and quickly spins the dial…)
I still don’t see what’s wrong with killing old people. They seem to be the dumbest and most gullible folks out there. They’re the ones keeping Bill O’Reilly in business. Sign me up for the Death Panel.
And it’s now an established fact that old people are quite content to let younger folks die–acting as de facto death panels, you might say…
They have their Medicare–which according to them is not government run. I guess the rest of us can just suck it.
Heinleinian Pan Dimensional Spaceship And Fascist Sex Kitten Attractor and quickly spins the dial…
Be careful. You could end up in the reality where Glenn Beck really is Tom Paine.
He’s already in one where Glenn Beck is Glenn Beck, it can’t get any worse than that. In a more balanced reality, Beck would be a fly. A fly sleepily bumping into a window pane somewhere on a hot summer’s afternoon. There but for the grace of JEEEEEEEEEEHZUS, and a lack of sliding technology, go I?
I have no need to see Beck shirtless and fucking Geena Davis.
N__B. Why did you have to say that. A whole day, ruined.
Blood-sweating ticks have been insulted, I believe.
Also: why doesn’t France euthanize more old folks? They’ve got the dreaded socialized medicine and more old people than young people. Oh, that’s right. Because of course no one is euthanizing anyone. Who lets the mental children come to the adult debate table?
Michael G –
You’d prefer I said I wanted to see Beck shirtless and fucking Geena Davis? That’s just sick.
As long as this is occuring while they’re falling into an erupting volcano, I’m okay with it.
with today’s hydrofoils, monotremes, and triremes among other boat and rail innovations
Whuh? I guess the echidna having one hole makes them go faster (like go-faster stripes), but I’d still hate to ride one.
Don’t you DARE throw Geena Davis into a volcano.
What if it’s a volcano of mashed potatoes and gravy? Because that might be tasty.
ZRM, ITTDGY versus Atrios.
Ehhh?
Seriously, the WaPo said that? Jesus Murphy, I thought only the WaTimes got that crazy.
The Post is jealous of the Times, and is trying to out-neocon it.
E.g. hiring Bill Kristol, giving John Bolton oped space, and such as.
Oooh, I’m starting to feel a bit of Schadenünderdastree. I guess it’s all a part of Götterminesodämmerü-ung .
I don’t understand Erickson’s opposition to Government run Granny-euthanizing death panels. After all, if we strike them down, they shall become more powerful than we can possibly imagine.
Sometimes, when I read Gavin’s essays, I hear punk. At other times, Raymond Scott. Today is spooky theremin day.
Hey, I was wrong about Chuck Norris being unable to count to 2!
Here’s the follow-up to Hot August Political Nights!
Oh my. Do not lmgtfy “Ezekiel Emanuel” unless you are prepared for a veritable shitstorm of fucking crazy-go-nuts-woo-hoo-boinga-boinga-boinga. His wiki page does note that he recently got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. This should be settled between Emanuel and Norris in good old fashioned MORTAL KOMBAT.
OMFG! Chuck delivers a roundhouse kick to his own head at the end of his piece. Seriously, you are going to fucking lurve it:
OT: Squirrelizer. Just thought you guys might make good use of it.
I’m still struggling with this staggerwits being given a platform to publish his demented scribblings. Imagine if, for example Stephen Hawking (alive and unscathed after his rough adventure with the NHS), were to attend a martial arts conference. Chuck Norris is in the audience, and he’s not going to take Mr. Hawking seriously.
“Diatomic power.” Awesome.
“Diatomic power.” Awesome.
I forget: is that the MMPR or the PowerPuff girls?
Fascist Sex Kitten Attractor
REDHEAD facist sex kitten.
One of the few things R.A.H. and I agree on.
The “redhead” part, that is.
And I’m truly ashamed of Gavin for not having used the opportunity to make a “Mine Shaft” joke, and not even a “mine shaft gap” joke. Bad form, bad form.
MMPR is the radio station that always has fucknozzles from Human Events on, right?
Subatomic power is produced in a not-nearly-so-critical mass.
Power of diatom – ACTIVATE
Subatomic power is produced in a not-nearly-so-critical mass.
In that case you call it “cynical mass”.
It’s produced in the ether by the interaction of snarks and non-snarks.
cynical mass
For a fleeting moment, my poor abused brane interpreted that as Miley Cyrus.
Preach on, Brother Martin
my poor abused brane
Well, stop trying to shift between universes and it’ll heal.
Put some neomycin on it, too, so it doesn’t get infected.
I understand the LHC is built to investigate the Beck boson….it is the particle that gives wingnuts their crazee.
The one who has been spearheading the initiative behind the scenes is one who goes under the misnomer “adviser” to the Obama administration, Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel…
Things were better when the country was run by Nancy Reagan’s astrologer, fer shure.
up snark
down snark
top snark
bottom snark
charmed snark
strange snark
A Beck boson is postulated to be comprised of a bottom snark and two strange snarks.
A Beck boson is postulated to be comprised of a bottom snark and two strange snarks.
You can tell when you’ve got one ’cause the track in the bubble chamber ALWAYS goes far to the right.
The always laff-tastic Tom Sowell had a boo-scary column on Dr. Emanuel in the local rag a couple of days ago. Tom is usually the last one of these schmucks to catch on to the latest wingnut meme, so I was kinda surprised he got in on the game early. Good job, Dr. Sowell!
Happy birthday, HP Lovecraft! May the Great Old Ones eat the neo-cons last!
ixnay on the abused ranesbay. We don’t want to set up a potentially lethal craving in a certain ombiezay.
Okay, so you guys say you understand what Gavin was saying in this post? Uh-huh. Like I believe that. What? You do? Um. I was just joking, of course I understand it! I may have to actually click the link this time, though.
. . . shuffles off, mumbling.
I totally agree with above commenter who was hearing theramin.
Two charm snarks and a top snark get you a Obamon, which tracks a straight path down the middle (though some claim it leans left).
Okay, so you guys say you understand what Gavin was saying in this post? Uh-huh. Like I believe that. What? You do?
It’s got a certain stream-of-unconsciousness charm to it.
Of course, reading it while being half-asleep doesn’t hurt either.
ixnay on the abused ranesbay. We don’t want to set up a potentially lethal craving in a certain ombiezay.
There’s definitely a joke there about branes and zombie physicists but damned if I can think of it. NEED MOAR KOFEE
MMPR is the radio station that always has fucknozzles from Human Events on, right?
That’s Measles Mumps Pubic Rubella?
When zombies hurt their branes they apply necromycin.
When I hurt my brane I like to soak it in gin. To preserve and protect, as it were.
I, too, NEAD MOAR KOFEE.
‘Volksgemeinsturzende,’
I had one of those once. Very reliable car. Changed the oil myself and everything. Ah, those were simpler times.
Today is spooky theremin day.
YOU WANT FUCKING THEREMIN? HUH? HUH? HERE’S YOUR FUCKING THEREMIN, YOU FUCKING FUCKS!
You think he’s nuts now, wait until Studie is born.
A top snark and a bottom snark make the BDSM Boson which is a freak non-vanilla meson as it does not consist of a snark and it’s opposite partner.
1000 cats + 1000 theremins + 1000 years = “Good Vibrations”
(And I know that sounded like bad crazee, but the spirit moved me. Click on the link; it’s goooood crazee, I promise!)
You think he’s nuts now, wait until Studie is born.
I’m hoping he avoids that new-parent phase where they talk about nothing but baby shit, but I bet if anyone could that entertaining, it’d be Gavin.
…make that entertaining…
Thank you for that video Citizen_X. I am going now to gleefully inflict it on my Facebook “friends.”
Niacin, riboflavin, theramin – all part of a healthy diet for a healthy brane.
1000 cats + 1000 theremins + 1000 years = “Good Vibrations”
That’s purrfect.
A “sinister plot” snark and an “evil mastermind” snark combine to form the mu-ha-ha-on, but it’s not part of the Standard Model. It’s part of the Leggy Assassin Henchwoman Model.
Speaking of Hitler HeatCare, TPM directs us to the following Joe Klein(!) article:
http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,1917525,00.html
It starts out well, with Klein blasting Palin’s “death panels” remark as “obscene,” and castigating the Repubs for either siding with her or not bothering to condemn the bullshit. Klein relates how his elderly parents are grappling with end-of-life issues and complains that an innocuous, but badly needed, provision in the health care bill was jettisoned because of the crazies on the right misrepresenting it as forced euthanasia. Republicans – the party of nihilists. Got it.
Then, in typical Klein fashion, he inserts this telling line:
This year, the liberal insistence on a marginally relevant public option has been a tactical mistake that has enabled the right’s “government takeover” disinformation jihad.
Klein just got done telling us about Republicans “obscenely” conflating end-of-life counseling with “death panels,” allowing the crazies to control the debate, and effectively killing a much-needed reform. But liberals pushing the public option, which would force insurance companies to control costs, are enabling the crazies? WTF?!? They make shit up no matter what the truth is – who needs to enable them? Does he even read his own stuff before he sends it off?
Even when Klein says something reasonable, he has to undermine his own argument with bullshit like that. Fucking asshole.
“Hitler HealthCare” – damn you, Submit Comment button!
Submit Comment button!
Why not take a page from Congress’ playbook and drop “Health” altogether. Let’s just call it HitlerCare.
Shoot, even with the false-equivalency-but-more-like-stop-hitting-yourself baloney, that Klein column reads pretty solid. For him. Half a gold star, I guess.
Oooh! Another Hitler thread?
I’ll have the Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Spam, Hitler, Hitler, eggs and Hitler.
Also, it is not easy to find a picture of a monotreme in a pose suitable for photoshopping on a Hitler ‘stache.
HITLER IS THEFT!
Gemeinschaft
Bestimmtentyrannensablehnung
Volksgemeinsturzende
Those are some of my favorite Industrial bands.
D.N. – he also has to throw in his usual liberal strawmen:
There have been times when Democrats have run demagogic scare campaigns on issues like Social Security and Medicare. There are more than a few Democrats who believe, in practice, that government should be run for the benefit of government employees’ unions. There are Democrats who are so solicitous of civil liberties that they would undermine legitimate covert intelligence collection. There are others who mistrust the use of military power under almost any circumstances.
Who are these Democrats? What offices have they been elected to? Do they exist anywhere other than in Joe’s fevered imagination? Feh.
Who are these Democrats? What offices have they been elected to? Do they exist anywhere other than in Joe’s fevered imagination? Feh.
Sure, they do. They also exist in the fevered imaginations of Kristol pere et fils, Limbaugh, internet trolls everywhere and so on.
The possibility exists that these are alien creatures whol share a single hive-like consciousness, which would explain why the talking points all change in unison, but that is unproven.
It’s plain to see that America has nothing to fear: the protests against Obama’s plan are surely in good faith & the media is being its usual objective self … regress my boast, Pibbs!
So is this just one Grandma facing euthanasia? Because I’m pretty sure if it’s one of those mean pig-ignorant old twats nobody can stand to be in the same room with, that’s not going to be a serious problem.
I still don’t see what’s wrong with killing old people.
Oh, don’t worry, young whippersnapper – you will … eventually.
There’s definitely a joke there about branes and zombie physicists but damned if I can think of it.
http://xkcd.com/397/
You’re welcome.
Play him off, Theremin Cat.
Pardon my leaking brane, but how the fuck can someone in the United States government be “solicitous” of civil liberties, like they’re some kind of special interest? Isn’t that kind of demanded by that “Constitutional oath of office” thingy?
On to more important matters than Joke Line. Theremin Cat vs. Zombie Feynman: discuss.
Cats don’t mess with physicists, zombie or not, since the whole Schroedinger box incident.
Gav’s writing makes perfect sense to me. I don’t know what the rest of you all are talking about.
[shrugs]
Monotremes + diatomic power – mine shafts = diatremes.
Ceci n’est pas un volcanic pipe.
volcanic pipe
Veiled John Holmes reference.
Diatreme, Hypipamee in far north Queensland
Blowing holes to hades in the middle Pliocene
Doctor Missus Marita said,
August 20, 2009 at 20:39 (kill)
Gav’s writing makes perfect sense to me. I don’t know what the rest of you all are talking about.
You mean he talks like that?
Now I’m worried.
…two young men who cut down a sacred candlenut tree, only to be swallowed up by a large hole in the earth…
We cannot lie, father.
(didn’t realize candles had nuts)
But Blixa Bargeld was better when he was with The Bad Seeds.
Such a luscious flagrance, the ass-scent of Man.
Scott Johnson’s sponsoring a sale on low-hanging fruit over at Power Line:
How could anyone think Scott Johnson and Rich Lowry are stupid?
It really does.
Thanks mark f. Stole that.