How can you even parody this?

It’s Jeff again.

And so all these smarmy and utterly transparent attempts to suggest that I am trying to “blame leftists� for a loss in Iraq is simply the manifestation of guilty consciences bursting like boils and oiling up the internet with so much pus-thickened epiphany juice.

“Razzin’-fraggin’ you’re a pus-thickened shack-a-frack of leftist sack-flappin,’ yak-dabbin’, guilty sick-a-frass, rack-a-flack, flick-dabbin’, objectively-pro-sagga-frag…”

Wait. Okay. New game. Actually, Jeff, your smarmy and utterly transparent attempt to suggest that we are trying to “blame Jeff Goldstein” for saying that critics of the war are responsible for its failure unrealized success is simply the manifestation of a guilty conscience bursting like a boil and whatever else with the epiphany and pus and all that. Because even though we never said so,* you are in fact guilty. The fact that you dishonestly accuse us of calling you guilty means that you actually are.

See, what you fail to understand is that we are rubber and you are glue, therefore whatever you say bounces off us and sticks to you. Also, we know that you are, but what are we? Plus, whoever smelt it dealt it. In summation, we’ve got you this way (coming), and also this way (going) — and if you say we don’t, that makes it Backwards Day, which proves we do.

So, Jeff Goldstein is responsible for all the problems in Iraq. No backs, double-tax. Stop hitting yourself, Jeff! Stop hitting yourself!

This right-wing stuff is actually a great way to argue. I wish we could do this all the time.

[…] But whatever. I guess many of these lefty hive sites got tired of citing Atrios over and over again. After all, it gets rather embarrassing after a spell when you go to pick up your daily talking point, only to find it’s “Open Threadâ€? (pass it on!). So ALL HAIL THE GENIUS OF GREENWALD!

Crap. Hey Atrios, what’s the latest talking point?


*I believe the untruth of this statement is ultimately Mr. Goldstein’s responsibility.


Comments: 22


…is simply the manifestation of guilty consciences bursting like boils and oiling up the internet with so much pus-thickened epiphany juice.

I think Jeff’s telling us something…it seems as if his protein got mixed up with some really yeasty carbohydrates during insertion of a meat-like substance/object, and the above is the Freudian-tinged result that he’s projecting.

Kinda like a wingnut version of sex at some backwater McDonald’s.




And so all these smarmy and utterly transparent attempts to suggest that I am trying to “blame leftists� for a loss in Iraq is simply the manifestation of guilty consciences bursting like boils and oiling up the internet with so much pus-thickened epiphany juice.

So I don’t get it. Is he saying that he is not saying the left is responsible for the losing situation in Iraq, and that the left is saying that’s what he’s saying only because the left is feeling guilty for being responsible for the losing situation in Iraq? But if the left feels guilty, then it must be because the left is responsible. So if he’s saying the left feels guilty, he is saying that the left is responsible, otherwise, the left would have nothing to feel guilty about, and wouldn’t be saying that he is saying that the left is responsible.

OK, I think I’ve got it. Shorter me: Jeff Goldstein is full of crap. Also, he has no sense of metaphor and no grasp of subject-verb agreement. (All these … attempts … is simply the manifestation ….)


Well, other than writing a “Dark and Stormy Night” worthy entry, Jeffy is actually completely right on one issue. Glenn Greenwald is a genius. What, that’s not how he meant it?


Dude. Homie did not just make an Atrios “Open Thread” joke. Uh, that’s so last year. *

*I just illustrated dated posting with the “Homie” style comment.

These cobags cannot handle Glennzilla. He makes them froth. He’s the irresistible force and the are the squishy, squishy object that need be squeegeed off the deck after one of AG’s pool parties.


When chickengeorge continues the Republican tradition, started by Nixon in Vietnam of cutting and running, it will be your fault.



Don’t worry about Bert, he’s an undercover operative. He reports to the Stan, the Man who drives the Tan Van.


Jeff is epitomizing “he who denied it, suplied it.”



Damn my fucktarditry.


It is well documented that Jeff Goldstein is responsible of the current NFL labor emergency.


*for the current NFL labor emergency.

Double damn my fucktarditry.


Motherfucker got busted trying to insert this meme and now he’s pissed that it ain’t gonna fly. Maybe they’ll try the POW/MIA thingy, that worked to mythologise the ‘smelly hippies lost us ‘Nam’ meme. Since the car magnet thing has passed, maybe they can make a cool black flag with a sillouhette to tug at the heart strings of ‘real ‘murricans’. Aren’t these the same dolts that yap about libruhls being about feelings and conservos about thinking? Yeah right


I’m finally starting to build a picture of a Mrs. Goldstein, and it’s of a harried woman with hypertension who, while once attractive, is currently losing her hair in patches and is half an inch from a bloody murder-suicide.


“…a goodly portion of our success or failure in Iraq has ultimately to do with how we react in terms of either lending our support or leveling our criticisms against the campaign.

And this is (and has been) a crucial component of the war—one that many on the anti-war side are loathe to admit: that their constant naysaying, though it is well within their right to voice, has objectively hurt the war effort…”

Golly gee, SHAME on you people for even trying to pretend that bit means that a goodly portion of the failure in Iraq is objectively due to the hurt caused to the war effort by the constant naysaying of anti-war folks! Straw man! Straw man!


Goldstein is the ultimate authority on authorial intent. He’ll tell you how to read his writings, and he’ll tell you how to read yours. All interpretations of texts done without his guidance are subjective, unserious, and wrong.


I’ve never had pus-thickened epiphany juice before.

One time I had a glass of snot and booger epiphany juice with a dash of smegma, and it was delicious.


Hey everyone, I make a modest proposal:

Make “oiling up the internet with so much pus-thickened epiphany juice” 2006’s version of “greeting the troops as liberators”/”greeting the troops with sweets and flowers”.



JDC – no wonder Goldstein is a failed academic. We learned the fallacy of authorial intent on the first day of criticism class.


Woah, you just chased that nerd into his own house and whooped him AND his whole crazy Cheetoh-stained, inbred family!!


In honor of Goldstein’s strawman (gee, I sure hope he doesn’t wave his dick in my face…):

I could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head, I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain.

I’d unravel ev’ry riddle
For any individ’le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a brain.


A Haiku for Jeff Goldstein

A non sequitur
Another non sequitur
I am Jeff Goldstein.


Glass Adhesive

Gasket A seal, usually of rubber, that holds a piece of auto glass to Copyright 2005, Marilyn Price Art GlassGlobalspec o…


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