Unfunny People
Let’s say you’re Ross Douthat and you’ve been hired by the New York Times to be a sort of conservative ambassador into the Times’ liberal audience. Twice a week you have 750 or so words to make your case why liberals are wrong about all sorts of stuff, from economics to social issues to foreign policy. But instead of writing a cogent, persuasive essay you write something like this:
It’s been a melancholy summer for social conservatives. Their movement is fighting a rearguard battle in Barack Obama’s Washington. A cluster of family-values politicians — some of whom bunked down in the same Christian-sponsored D.C. townhouse — have spent the last few months confessing to extramarital affairs. And Sarah Palin … well, you know how that’s turned out so far.
Worst of all, nobody likes Judd Apatow’s new movie.
Don’t laugh. No contemporary figure has done more than Apatow, the 41-year-old auteur of gross-out comedies, to rebrand social conservatism for a younger generation that associates it primarily with priggishness and puritanism. No recent movie has made the case for abortion look as self-evidently awful as “Knocked Up,” Apatow’s 2007 keep-the-baby farce. No movie has made saving — and saving, and saving — your virginity seem as enviable as “The 40-Year Old Virgin,” whose closing segue into connubial bliss played like an infomercial for True Love Waits.
I can only imagine the Times’ copy editors reading this while slowly shredding their own faces off with cheese graters.
“We’re paying him how much to write this shit?” they ask.
So yes, the New York Times is now paying top dollar for third-rate Konservetkult nonsense. And this piece of Konservetkultism is particularly bad because it defeats itself mere paragraphs later. Check it:
Both “Knocked Up” and “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” were designed to hit this worldview’s sweet spot. There were threads of darkness in both stories, but for the most part they made their moralism look appealing by making it look relatively easy.
Still a virgin in middle age? Not to worry — you’ll find a caring, foxy woman who’s been waiting her whole life for an awkward, idealistic guy like you. Pregnant from a drunken one-night stand? Good news — the oaf who knocked you up will turn out to be a decent guy, and you’ll be able to keep the baby and your career as a rising entertainment-news anchorwoman. Frittering away your life on porn and pot? Fear not — your wasted twenties won’t stop you from being a great dad.
To sum up: Both “Knocked Up” and “40-Year Old Virgin” succeeded in making social conservatism seem hip to the youngsters. How? By presenting the audience with comically unrealistic scenarios that have nothing to do with reality.
Now, I’m not the sort of person who obsessively scans over dick-joke movies looking for secret messages that affirm my ideological worldview. However, Big Hollywood and other sites have shown us over the years that there are a lot of crazy people who apparently do this sort of thing on a daily basis. But here’s the catch — if I want this sort of low-grade wingnuttery, I’ll go to those sites and not to the damn New York Times. And look, New York Times, if you’re really intent on publishing cornball Konservetkult Kriticism, you might as well keep it real by publishing this guy:
[…]
This film was marketed as if it could be a pro-American “hoorah” kind of action film. Watching this film, I kept forgetting it was GI Joe. Then, I remembered an angry feeling caming over me. How could they ruin GI Joe? John Nolte said it best, “If it wasn’t for resentment I wouldn’t have felt anything.”
The end of the film leaves a door open for a sequel; in case Hollywood wants to offend America again (we can bet on that!). If Paramount green lights a sequel, let’s hope Michael Bay directs it. He may be a lot of things, but one thing he would never do is strip the patriotism from GI Joe.
As a youngster in the early 1980’s, I remember loving the GI Joe cartoon and action figures immensely. “GO JOE” rings through my head. “A Real American Hero” is what they have always been. That is, until Hollywood got their filthy paws on it.
There is nothing wrong with a group of people from different backgrounds working together, which is what our armed forces are anyway. But why can’t GI Joe still be an all American dream team?
Yeah, see, this is much better. You’ve got hilariously overwrought angst over the unfaithful film adaptation of a crappy ’80s cartoon. You’ve got a thinly-veiled assertion that foreigners are taking all of whitey’s jobs. And best of all, you’ve got a guy getting came on by an angry feeling.
This is how true wingnuttery is done, New York Times. If you want to generate the same level of authenticity in Douthat’s columns, I recommend printing them without running them through a spell checker next time.
I thought funny people was quite good. It’s probably too soon to discuss with all the spoiling and such, but I don’t see what could be so gut-wrenching awful to a conservative watching it.
Is it that Simmon’s old flame drives a Prius? Dick Jokes in general? Lack of the phrase “putting the pussy on a pedestal.”
No, he actually likes the movie. He’s lamenting the fact that it won’t be a popular movie like the other ones.
It’s too bad that there aren’t more films that try to praise the world view of awkwardly self-repressed conservatives.
Also, http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=raaaaaaaandy
Aziz Ansari is fucking awesome in it. The movie in question. Hilarious.
I’m still curious what Doubtthat thought was wrong with Funny People, but I’m just too afraid to read the article. His track record makes it pretty easy to resist my curiosity.
Perhaps somebody should make a comedy about George Sodini and what being a middle-aged “virgin” did for him.
OMG, Ross has outdone himself in the not-so-subtle hints department:
Rearguard battle…I remembered an angry feeling caming over me. How could they ruin GI Joe?…As a youngster in the early 1980’s, I remember loving the GI Joe cartoon and action figures immensely.
But he doesn’t go to any lengths–doesn’t even try–to be subtle about his raging xenophobia:
There is nothing wrong with a group of people from different backgrounds working together, which is what our armed forces are anyway. But why can’t GI Joe still be an all American dream team?
*headdesk*
litbrit — Ross didn’t write the GI Joe review. That was some guy at Big Hollywood.
Oooooh, so close.
And then… come on Ross, your the proverbial blind squirrel standing on his own nuts.
Could it be that social conservatism is all bullshit and based on some non-existent fantasy world? How about grasping the staggering hypocrisy of inflicting your morality onto others and then whining like a baby when the very same standards are applied to you.
Come on Ross, think a little about what you wrote and what that says about the modern conservative movement. That basic idea that even thinking about any consequences of “social conservatism” makes it less popular.
I’m 30-something, too so I grew up in the action-figure/cartoon age of G.I. Joe (pew-pew lazers! basically nobody dies); I had some toys, and the animated movie on DVD. I’m the exact demographic they are mining here by remaking all my childhood nostalgia into movies (see also Transformers, etc).
But even though G.I. Joe has fucking awesome NINJAS and also Chris Eccleston in it, I don’t know if I’ll be able to bring myself to see it (as goofy as it will no doubt be) because the trailer has informed me that the Baroness doesn’t have a Russian accent.
I mean. Come. On.
Will District 9 be the conservative movie hit of the summer?!
He’s lamenting the fact that it won’t be a popular movie like the other ones.
It needed Michael Bay directing. There’s nothing funnier or more socially conservative than undressed women and explosions…unless its clothing that explodes off of women.
Actually there’s nothing funnier or more conservative than missing punctuation.
clothing that explodes off of women
More of this please.
If it wasn’t for resentment I wouldn’t have felt anything.
Isn’t this the actual motto of modern conservatism?
David Byrne is in the house.
Also, OT.
clothing that explodes off of women
More of this please.
Fun tricks with nitrocellulose.
Hey N__B,
Clothing that explodes off women is a phenomena that is full explored in 90s anime. Research Kekko Kamen, Cutey Honey and the like.
(The Japanese movie industry is also mining my youth for nostalgia with recent live action remakes of Casshern and Cutey Honey, and the upcoming Astro Boy.)
Buddy, I think you mean “clothing that explodes off of a dream team of ALL-AMERICAN women”, don’tcha?
To sum up: Both “Knocked Up” and “40-Year Old Virgin” succeeded in making social conservatism seem hip to the youngsters. How? By presenting the audience with comically unrealistic scenarios that have nothing to do with reality.
In other words, it mocks social conservatism as out of touch and unrealistic.
Perhaps this is all a clever scheme by the NYT and the WaPoo.
They know they’re going bankrupt, and they’re trying to let us down easy, so we won’t miss them when they’re gone.
It’s working…
~
Monday, August 10, 2009 4:52:00 AM PDT
That’s my theory, at least.
Buddy, I think you mean “clothing that explodes off of a dream team of ALL-AMERICAN women”, don’tcha?
Depends on who gets to make up that team. Kaye Grogan wouldn’t be one of them, right?
Or mail order Russian brides. Or maybe those very subservient Asian girls we keep hearing about… /wingnut
Buddy, I think you mean “clothing that explodes off of a dream team of ALL-AMERICAN women”, don’tcha?
That goes without saying. Clothing doesn;t explode off French women, it slinks away in shame.
If that’s your dream, and if you’re paying for the movie, I guess it would.
Modern Conservatism in a (wing)nutshell:
“If it wasn’t for resentment I wouldn’t have felt anything.”
At what point can shudders be considered convulsions?
doh!
Off-topic in under 20 comments. I’m so proud.
As long as it’s not clothing exploding off of a ‘chunky’ Reese Witherspoon lookalike — that would be icky and cheaply provocative.
drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks.
Ur doin it rong.
drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks.
Amateur zombie?
#
N__B said,
August 10, 2009 at 14:10 (kill)
Actually there’s nothing funnier or more conservative than missing punctuation.
Zombeesz in yer head, NOMMiNG yer puckchewashun.
Please tell me “District 9” isn’t going to be wingnuttery.
Looks like a fairly decent riff on racism, aparteid and the willingness of modern governments to play both sides of an issue out of self-interest.
Correction: crappy ’80s 22 minute commercial made to sell more toys.
Looks like a fairly decent riff on racism, aparteid and the willingness of modern governments to play both sides of an issue out of self-interest.
I thought it was softening us up for the eventually zombie invasion, and was made by zombies who want to rule over us.
#
Thorlac said,
August 10, 2009 at 14:46 (kill)
drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks.
Amateur zombie?
enthusiastic Drunken College Girl.
Douthat, is, truly, Doing It Wrong. Judd Apatow would know what to do with that situation.
I thought it was softening us up for the eventually zombie invasion, and was made by zombies who want to rule over us.
Dangit! He’s on to us, Zomrades!!
Well, since it’s already out, I might as well do some monologuing. You see, we had a foolproof plan for the Zombocaplypse:
1: make many, many crappy action movies with little plot and bad acting, which insecure dimwits can read as vaguely supporting whatever crazy ideology is coursing through their gray matter.
2: ???
3: Brainz!!
1: make many, many crappy action movies with little plot and bad acting, which insecure dimwits can read as vaguely supporting whatever crazy ideology is coursing through their gray matter.
2: ???
3: Brainz!!
Doesn’t “1:” imply “3:” is non-existent?
Or is it quantity not quality that matters?
Is there, in fact, an epicurian zombie faction that raises milk-fed babies for their IQs? Free range humans? Organic homo sapiens?
“And best of all, you’ve got a guy getting came on by an angry feeling. ”
I can’t figure out what you meant to say there, Brad. Some sort of emotional bukkake?
Remember when we learned that the mentally handicapped were at no disadvantage because of Forest Gump?
Yeah, I was below the age of majority when I heard that argument and was shocked that they let people that stupid say things on the teevee like they were true without airhorns blowing and men rushing on screen to tackle the defective newsdroid. Usually confusing fantasy with reality is a sign that you could use professional help, but here it was on display as wisdom. It was the start of a painful education on how the world works.
I guess it’s “nice” to know that Douthat brings the same shit to the pages of the Times.
Comically unrealistic scenarios? I don’t know, if I had a hard time laughing at Knocked Up, it was because it looked so much like a damn documentary. But you know, it’s only one story of many hundreds. Don’t tell Ross.
Wasn’t GI Joe originally a nickname for U.S. servicemen, then a toy Army dude, then a whole toy line of paramilitary dudes with inconveniently large weapons, unlikely uniforms, and comically unrealistic skills? From that came a comic book, and only then was it tagged on by the cartoon, which was shitty enough to make the comic look like Ulysses. By the time it gets to the big screen twenty years later, it’s an ersatz wrapped in a fake rolled in a facsimile. …You’d think it’d fit the predilections of the armchair warriors pretty well, actually.
“…played like an infomercial for True Love Waits”
Relax, people. “True Love” Waits is just Tom Waits. That’s how we refer to him outside the US.
“Do this, don’t Douthat, can’t you read the sign?”
you might as well keep it real by publishing this guy:
GI Joe is AWFUL….
The truly sad thing is when I first skimmed over the ensuing blockquote, I thought it was another Douthat column.
whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated
Holy shit, that’s grim.
Ill bet Chunky Reese needed a mental abortion after that encounter.
Comically unrealistic scenarios? I don’t know, if I had a hard time laughing at Knocked Up, it was because it looked so much like a damn documentary. But you know, it’s only one story of many hundreds. Don’t tell Ross.Comically unrealistic scenarios? I don’t know, if I had a hard time laughing at Knocked Up, it was because it looked so much like a damn documentary. But you know, it’s only one story of many hundreds. Don’t tell Ross.
Also, also: we liberals keep pushing for BIRTH CONTROL to stop these sorts of things. You know, methods scientifically proven to work, rather than telling people that teh sexx0r is evil and then being surprised when drunk kids fuck to let of steam and out pops baby.
Interestingly, Texas A&M (home of the George Bush Sr. library) has a very high rate of unwanted pregnancies.
I’d better stop posting before I write a run-on sentence so long that it kills a man.
Still a virgin in middle age? Not to worry — you’ll find a caring, foxy woman who’s been waiting her whole life for an awkward, idealistic guy like you.
Foxy? Fer fuck’s sake. And now I’ve got Fox on the Run playing in my head. Which I guess she would be if Ross was after her.
Pregnant from a drunken one-night stand? Good news — the oaf who knocked you up will turn out to be a decent guy, and you’ll be able to keep the baby and your career as a rising entertainment-news anchorwoman.
Now this shit just makes me want to bust the dumb bastard in the chops. No, asshat, Bad News! The oaf who knocked you up will take up with a crazy woman who will call and threaten you for daring to have been the unfortunate “fox” to precede her. You will have many years of working dead end corporate jobs to support yourself and the kid. People will spit on you if things get bad and you’re getting any kind of government help.You’ll drive a crappy car and on your rare nights out you’ll go to a crappy bar because you can’t afford better.
And hey! Didn’t Murphy Brown show that a single woman can have a kid and a high powered TeeVee job as well? I don’t recall that the conservatards liked that story line, particularly. Wasn’t Murphy destroying America? Or is The Quayle passe in the wingnut moral fashion? I get confused.
I’d better stop posting before I write a run-on sentence so long that it kills a man.
I once wrote a run-on sentence that kept going on for so long that it was actually the thing which killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Wiki:
Ross Gregory Douthat — pronounced /?da???t/ — (born November 28, 1979) is an American conservative author and blogger.
Is ‘da???t’ the Cyrillic for ‘smegma’? Because that would explain a lot.
oh yeah? well old boy from that Time-Life commercial once shot a man just for snoring too loud.
Seriously, the more I think about it, I want Candy Bergen to stop by Ross’s office, twist his arm up behind his back until he screams and cries, and then make him call Dan Quayle and inform him that Murphy Brown is now a motherfuckin’ conservative icon.
“Auteur of gross-out comedies”?
I once was so gosh darned cute in Reno, just to watch him die.
Oh, wiat. Wait. I get it. Murphy didn’t keep the oaf who knocked her up, she just kept the kid. That means she’s just a welfare slut, flourishing TV career or not.
Never mind.
Poor Chunky Reese must have been absolutely SHATTERED for Lumpy Ross to look doable.
Seriously: How did malodorous little poop stains like Douthat and McArdle get such cushy writing gigs?
Ross needs a neck wax.
Also please note as well also, that this is probably Douthat’s best work for teh Gret Ladee yet, in that he actually almost states an opinion (actually two!1one11!two!) in his op-ed.
1. “Funny People” is good movies.
2. Fucking (aside from compulsory marital sex for the purpose of reproduction) is EVIL.
Wait, I’m not so sure about that second part. I’m sort of assuming since it’s Douthat.
Mmmm, Chunky Reese’s.
Boy, did Chunky Reese ever dodge a bullet on that one.
I am totally creeped out by Ross’ admission that when she told him she used contraception, his mildly tumescent willy became Uncle Droopy. That boy is one roiling mass of repression, guilt, and squick.
Oh, wiat. Wait. I get it. Murphy didn’t keep the oaf who knocked her up, she just kept the kid. That means she’s just a welfare slut, flourishing TV career or not.
Good point. Her only options, post-devirgining, to keep face in the conservative value system are to convince the oaf to marry her, or to live the rest of her life trying to convince the oaf to marry her. In the first, her sin will only be whispered about by old ladies at dinner parties. In the second, she can be pitied and held up as an example. The oaf, on the other hand, receives no condemnation in the first case. In the second, he has committed a minor social faux pas, like farting and not saying “excuse me.” The offense will soon be forgotten once the smell leaves.
I once was so gosh darned cute in Reno, just to watch him die.
Reno died just to watch me shoot a man.
You’ve got hilariously overwrought angst over the unfaithful film adaptation of a crappy ’80s cartoon.
Wait ’til the guy finds out G.I.Joe was originally a schtick dreamed up to get boys to play with dolls.
As a youngster in the early 1980’s, I remember loving the GI Joe cartoon and action figures immensely. “GO JOE” rings through my head.
Far be it from me to impugn the GI JOE reviewer’s bona fides, but it’s “YO JOE”. How does it feel to have the wrong battlecry ringing through your head for 20 years?
“Yo” is too ethnic for Righty to swing, yo.
All you need is lunch
Ba-da da-da-daa
All you need is lunch
Ba-da da-da-daa
All you need is lunch, lunch
Lunch is all you need.
The ants are my friends. They’re blowing in the wind…
And now I’ve got Fox on the Run playing in my head. Which I guess she would be if Ross was after her.
Isn’t that song about a transsexual? Maybe Missah Ross wouldn’t be running in that case…
“I’ll do anything, but I won’t Douthat.”
In a big country
Dreams stay with you
Like a lover of boys
On a mountainside
How does it feel to have the wrong battlecry ringing through your head for 20 years?
Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre’s a bathroom on the right…
When we went to see Star Trek, They had the first GI Joe trailer up. At the end of it, a guy in the audience yells “I don’t know what that was, but that wasn’t the GI Joe I grew up with”.
I, of course, had to yell back “You should write a strongly worded letter! And put it on the internet!”
My friend John closed it with “Yeah, its like they took something pure and made it commercial just to sell toys!”
The place died laughing.
My friend John closed it with “Yeah, its like they took something pure and made it commercial just to sell toys!”
we haz WIN-NAH
As a youngster in the early 1980’s, I remember loving the GI Joe cartoon and action figures immensely. “GO JOE” rings through my head. “A Real American Hero” is what they have always been. That is, until Hollywood got their filthy paws on it.
Ahh, yes, I remember the lowly independent “GI Joe” cartoon series of the mid ’80s. Much patriotic brooding and angst. I seem to remember the episode where Snake Eyes moped around in his underwear, unable to find the patriotic motivation to fight COBRA. As I recall, he passed out from too much vodka, and had a vision of the ghosts of John Wayne, Douglas Fairbanks and Frederic Remington showing him the devastating results if he didn’t go to work that day.
Then he woke up, lovingly kissed the flag, donned his uber-kewl ninja suit and chop-sockyed his way into COBRA’S hideout, dodging pew-pew lasers all the way. I think Richard Linklater directed that episode.
Chris Yogerst is right; GI Joe was so much cooler before it sold out to The Man.
No movie has made saving — and saving, and saving — your virginity seem as enviable as “The 40-Year Old Virgin,”
True, although he doesn’t say how “enviable.” More in that vein:
“No movie has made being carried up the Empire State Building by an enraged giant ape as enviable as King Kong.”
It boggles the human mind–which is what I am equipped with–that he wrote the above quote, read it back, and thought, “Yes, that is both true and exactly what I mean. I am sure thousands, if not millions, of men AND WOMEN who are older than 30, and have never had sexual intercourse, became glad of that fact after seeing this movie.”
I am totally creeped out by Ross’ admission that when she told him she used contraception, his mildly tumescent willy became Uncle Droopy. That boy is one roiling mass of repression, guilt, and squick.
Seriously. What, I wonder, did he think his point was in telling that story? “I was planning to have sinful, adulterous sex with a woman to whom I was not married, until I found out she wouldn’t suffer any consequences”? “If only I hadn’t seen her breasts, maybe I could have gone through with it”? “If only she hadn’t wanted to, maybe I could have gone through with it”? He loses the tough, manly, testosterone-rich conservative cred since he finds the presence of attractive, nearly-naked blondes uncomfortable. He loses the social conservative cred because, duh, nice Catholic boys aren’t supposed to be having pre-marital sex, pill or no pill.
I have to wonder if Douthat’s editor just skipped that page, because if I were the editor, I think I’d have been tempted to call him and say, “Uh, Ross? You sure you want to come across as an immoral, possibly gay, misogynist, here? Is that what you were going for?”
Wasn’t GI Joe originally a nickname for U.S. servicemen, then a toy Army dude, then a whole toy line of paramilitary dudes with inconveniently large weapons, unlikely uniforms, and comically unrealistic skills?
Yes; in England the toys were re-branded as “Action Man.” Which is what Siena Miller, who plays the Baroness in the movie, said how she remembered them.
Shorter Ross Douchehat: Judd Apatow hates women almost as much as I do! Real life should be just like his movies, especially the bros before hoes parts. Yeah!
Keep in mind, Douchehat spent his first four columns for the supposedly-lib’ral NYT telling the world how icky teh wimmenz are and how afraid he is that teh wimminz might stop having the babies of douchehats like him because they think douchehats are icky back, so teh wimminz need to be forced to have douchehats’ babies by any means necessary.
I don’t have any problem with the NYT putting a walking exposed neurosis on public display, but do they gotta pay him for it?
Okay, and no on to review number two.
OMG! Summer Action Blockbuster has weak storyline. It is teh END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!
OMFG! Movie version of ancient franchise is teh suck and assumes “built in audience”. The sort that would give a mediocre movie ten out of ten.
Anyways, this is his lede
Yup, retard movie with retard script is watered down version of extremely retarded TV show with super-duper retarded scripts, to wit:
Knocked Up was terrible. Fine, keep the baby. Nobody is telling you to have an abortion if you don’t want one. But please, you can find a better guy to raise your child with.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing when people are ready for it, but it is not the answer to any problems. It doesn’t magically reform guys who are lazy dumbfucks, and it doesn’t permanently chain the hot girl to your bed.
I have to wonder if Douthat’s editor just skipped that page, because if I were the editor, I think I’d have been tempted to call him and say, “Uh, Ross? You sure you want to come across as an immoral, possibly gay, misogynist, here? Is that what you were going for?”
Alternate theory: Ross is so personally unpleasant that the editor just let that one sail by so everyone else could see how terrible her job was.
In more positive movie news, at N__B’s recommendation we checked out In The Loop last night. Hoo doggie! Think Wag The Dog meets (the much funnier British version of) The Office with the copious amounts of PENIS and POOP jokes that today’s discerning palette demands. A gem.
OT, but since we’re post-Godwin now: http://www.commondreams.org/view/2009/08/09-5
It might be a bit alarmist, but it does describe what is so weird about baggers having national hissy fits at town hall meetings.
It might if your health plan is good.
But please, you can find a better guy to raise your child with.
It astounds me that she even slept with him, but I think that’s the point that Apatow is trying to make: if you make a mistake, you’re stuck with it, no matter how much you want to stick him in the shredder.
Also, please note as well, also – more examples of how Lie-beral super-lefty Hollywood, bastion of godless Islamoatheists who gay marry aborted fetuses (fetii? fetae? fetices?) is hell-bent on proselytizing America with their Hanoi Jane Fonda Lefty Lefty Left Left views. Or not.
Russ probably agreed with the “bags of sand” line from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. If he turned down an enthusiastic college girl, one wonders if he ever got to the point of voluntarily touching a breast, and a female one at that.
wait.
N__B was RIGHT about something?
…I keed, I keed.
Wasn’t GI Joe originally a nickname for U.S. servicemen…?
Yes, “GI” stands for “General Infantry”, and was used as a generic term for “soldier”, much like “grunt”, “doughboy”, “dogface” or “Jeep” (which was itself a shortened phonetic pronunciation of “GP”, for “General Purpose”). Different wars have had similar shorthand nicknames for their fighters throughout history.
Wait ’til the guy finds out G.I.Joe was originally a schtick dreamed up to get boys to play with dolls.
Exactly. With the stunning success of the Barbie franchise, which was designed to appeal to girls age 10-14 (who had traditionally abandoned playing with dolls by that age), toy manufacturers and marketers determined that there was money to be made off boys the same age by making dolls with a “manly” theme, so that they wouldn’t be considered “sissies” for playing with them.
Now, in the 21st century, both Barbie and GI Joe have remained relevant to this demographic by expanding into multimedia: video games, Computer applications, websites and movies. Surprise, surprise, they are both designed to be shallow, simplistic and still geared to the same age-group’s mentality. If you are disappointed by the level of sophistication in a movie based on a pre-adolescent toy, perhaps you need to seek more age-approprate pastimes.
What’s next? Teletubbies: The Motion Picture wasn’t intellectually stimulating enough for you?
at N__B’s recommendation we checked out
My new career: pro-suicide counseling.
The GOP: So Clueless That We’re Willing To Adopt Fortysomething Virgins & Pregnant Party-Girls As Icons!
Why are they sucking so much high-octane ass in the polls, even with a sweetheart gig like Recession-Era Opposition Party? IT IS A MYSTERY.
G.I.Joe was originally a schtick dreamed up to get boys to play with dolls
As someone who got to enjoy the original Joe (as opposed to the puny little plastic atrocity he later mutated into) with the bizarre localized rigor mortis that left him with a permanent trigger-hand & REAL faux-Brillo hair, I remember all-too-well how many of my male peers considered me an honorary raging fag-boy for having one … & how soon pretty well every last one of those little fuckin’ hypocrites begged to play with them once the plastic warrior magically somehow stopped being a doll & became Way Fucking Cool Dude.
Poor Mrs. Ross. Poor, poor Mrs. Ross. One wonders about their wedding night. One begins to feel queasy.
He apparently feels free to make a public spectacle of himself when they’re out for a quiet dinner together.
Poor Mrs. Ross.
My new career: pro-suicide counseling.
Jumping into the feeder pool for the Death Panel deciderers, eh? Canny move.
What, I wonder, did he think his point was in telling that story? … “If only she hadn’t wanted to, maybe I could have gone through with it”?
Bingo! It’s pretty obvious that Ross was turned off by the birth control because it meant the girl engaged in sex on a regular basis; the dirty little slut probably even liked it. How could he ever be with a girl like that?
How could he ever be with a girl like that?
He wasn’t turned off by the fact that she was a “slut”. He was terrified that a sexually active female might have historical data to compare his limp-dicked fumblings with.
On the health care front, I thought the Laffer nonsense was the ne plus ultra of right wing stoopidity. Well, I should have learned that when dealing with how dumb the right wing goes, never say ne plus.
He wasn’t turned off by the fact that she was a “slut”. He was terrified that a sexually active female might have historical data to compare his limp-dicked fumblings with.
Also, the lack of possibility that they both would be punished for their dirty, dirty sex with an unplanned baby made it not work.
And now that I think of it, the putative sex would likely not have been dirty enough to be fun. It would have ended with an unsatisfied Chunky passing out, and Ross weeping in the bathroom, trying to brillo the sin off his weiner.
People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless
Boy, I’m sure fifteen seconds with The Great Gazoogle could disprove that one. They aren’t even fucking trying anymore, are they?
I remember all-too-well how many of my male peers considered me an honorary raging fag-boy for having one…
I too had the foot-tall original Joe. I don’t remember there being any stigma attached by the time I got mine (1975, 76ish). It is possible that I was considered a rager too, but I was a nerd weirdo outcast anyway, so I wouldn’t have noticed.
“trying to brillo the sin off his weiner.”
Uh, thanks for that mental image.
in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless
Wingnuts think the Lucasian Chair is one of those cheap resin jobbies from Wal*Mart.
“People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless”
Jesus Fuck but that’s stupid. Does this godforsaken imbecile truly not understand that Stephen Fucking Hawking is fucking from the United fucking Kingdom, or is that just brilliant parody trolling?
Wingnuts think the Lucasian Chair is one of those cheap resin jobbies from Wal*Mart.
Whereas we libs know that it’s a flying, teleporting model created by Industrial Light & Magic.
Yes, “GI” stands for “General Infantry”, and was used as a generic term for “soldier”, much like “grunt”, “doughboy”, “dogface” or “Jeep” (which was itself a shortened phonetic pronunciation of “GP”, for “General Purpose”). Different wars have had similar shorthand nicknames for their fighters throughout history.
Not quite; there’s some debate about he origins of the term, but the generally agreed one is that it originally stood for Galvanised Iron;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._%28military%29
It later had become “Government Issue”, and it is this usage I believe G.I. Joe was using.
Stephen Fucking Hawking is fucking from the United fucking Kingdom
Oh, WELL, see, troll was thinking of the OTHER place, the United Non-Fucking Kingdom, where they breed by budding and they let people die on icebergs when they reach the venerable age of 40 even if they’re still lucid ’cause shut up that’s why. And that’s why Obama’s Health Death Squads want to kill your granny. QED!
Oh my God. It’s even worse than I thought. That quote comes from Investor’s Business Daily:
http://www.ibdeditorials.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=333933006516877
We are so fucked.
And as regards killing off Stephen Hawkings;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_life_expectancy
Both the United Kingdom and the European Union come higher than the United States. Devious wrinkly bastards must be avoiding our NHS Death Squads somehow…
From IBD, since I couldn’t find the Stephen Hawking editorial:
Voters’ deep anger is justifiable. They have every right to disrupt and shout down public figures who, as the protesters can be heard chanting, work for them. At dispute is not a mere difference of opinion that can and should be discussed in a civil manner, but a fundamental question of who is in charge of peoples’ lives.
We are not advocating violence, though coercive government is at its core violent as the state is required to resort to force to ensure that its directives aren’t violated.
But we do support our fellow citizens’ right to express their rage at an injustice, particularly if it makes lawmakers uncomfortable. Shouldn’t Americans bristle when their independence is threatened
Wow. Um, one really wonders what IBD’s viewpoint was on protests against, say, the invasion of Iraq, indefinite detention, torture or goverment surveillance? I’m somehow thinking they were a LOT more comfortable about “injustice” and “coercive government” back then.
This:
“We are not advocating violence, though coercive government is at its core violent …”
What’s that disclaimer supposed to mean? Because it seems like they’re saying “we are not advocating violence but if the government forces free health care on helpless citizens, all bets are off.”
You’ll all be shutting your collective commie pie-holes when “Red Dawn 2” comes out and we can all be proud again of our xenophobia and stockpiling weapons to blow the sh*t out of bad guys who want to impose their draconian order on us (like BushCo Executive Privilege run amok but without the wise guiding hand of Dick Cheney to reign in corruption and abuses).
And since it was them traitorous liberals who brought us to this weakened state that emboldened our enemies to strike, once we’ve vanquished the Commie hordes we can root out the pinko quislings, fellow travelers, and useful idiots who sold us down the river in the first place.
I’m sure the patriotic financial powerhouses who would have risen the prosperity bubble forever had not the contemptible borrowers defaulted on the usurious loans they were saddled with will help fund the reemergence of naked American power and dominance by spending massive and untold sums to lobby the Congress to get someone else to pay for it. It’s the very least they can do and has traditionally shown a phenomenal return on their investment (all the more remarkable as by using TARP and bailout monies to lobby, it’s like using house money to gamble at the same time bribing pit bosses and casino owners to change rules because you’re savvy enough to steal the chips from the others players to fund your bribes).
What’s not to love about the American Way?
God Bless AmeriKKKa!!
WTF? They’re not going to “force” healthcare on anyone. How do you even do that, haul people in for annual exams?
hahahah!!!
Speaking of GI Joe, last spring the studio commissioned an hour-long (broken up into 10 parts) animated movie called GI Joe Resolute. It kicks major ass because it’s written by Warren Ellis, of Transmetropolitan (and other) fame. It’s probably what the movie should have been. And the Baroness keeps her Russian accent (Mrrrowwrrrr).
Wingnuts think the Lucasian Chair is one of those cheap resin jobbies from Wal*Mart.
Whereas we libs know that it’s a flying, teleporting model created by Industrial Light & Magic.
Dude, that chair has lost a lot of prestige since they brought Jar Jar onto the committee.
We are so fucked.
I guess it’s in our nature to reflexively believe anything that supports our views. If we believe that Teh Free Markets Is A-Number-One, Teh Big Man, That’s Who – then stuff like “NHS would have killed Stephen Hawking to save $$$” is a given.
Just like how most of us totally believe that Sarah Palin said that Obamacare Death Panels were going to shoot baby Trig from a helicopter.
“Sarah Palin said that Obamacare Death Panels were going to shoot baby Trig from a helicopter.”
You’re implying that’s not an exact quote. Why?
It later had become “Government Issue”, and it is this usage I believe G.I. Joe was using.
I guess I was mistaken thinking it stood for gastro-intestinal as they were so tough they’d crawl up your assh*le to rip your guts out (an assumption supported by the many Joe’s who died a gerbil’s death clawing their way to Victory!).
Well that’s different. Never mind.
Why?
Well it’s totally ridiculous. It would be like Sarah Palin saying that any criticisms of her is literally disprespect for “The Troops”. Totally unbelievable unless you’re a hyper leftist lefty lie-beral lefter left.
Does this godforsaken imbecile truly not understand that Stephen Fucking Hawking is fucking from the United fucking Kingdom
In all fairness, it’s difficult to tell from his accent.
disprespect is so dissin’ it’s got ‘p’ in it.
The girl with colitis goes by…
I imagine that the college girl make-out session that Ross had was like the scene in the movie Birdy when Modine flops the girls breast like it was made of flubber.
Anyway do you think the 40 yr old virgin hit a little too close to home for Ross?
“We are not advocating violence, though coercive government is at its core violent …”
“Why you gotta keep makin’ me hit you, baby?”
Seriously, I am officially freaked out about the ugly turn the opposition has taken against Obama. We all knew they would resist him and reflexively oppose anything he supported, but the last few weeks have finally exposed the depths to which they will sink. Not just the fringes, but the mainstream, primetime, “respectable” media figures on the right are all but calling for violence, up to and including assassination. On the fringes, you can take out the words “all but” from the preceding sentence.
If (please, God, let it be an “if” and not a “when”) this happens, especially if they succeed in taking out Obama, as so many of them hope, will we have the courage, as a country, to call these fuckers out for inciting it? Or will we sweep it away as the unprovoked actions of some “lone wacko” who, gosh, no one could have ever predicted would actually go and kill someone?
Does this godforsaken imbecile truly not understand that Stephen Fucking Hawking is fucking from the United fucking Kingdom
it’s, erm, central to his point?
We are not advocating violence, though coercive government is at its core violent as the state is required to resort to force to ensure that its directives aren’t violated.
That was about the weakest non-endorsement of violence ever. To read anything that radical on the left, you have to go to the letters to the editor page of that free Maoist circular.
I’m not SAYING you should kill any elected officials, *wink* *wink* but if you do, the were just life-sucking murderous vermin anyway. *suggestive nod*
“We are not advocating violence, though coercive government is at its core violent …”
why do you librals keep attacking my bullet with your face?!!!??!?
That movie is being advertised on the side of buses in London at the moment. I can’t decide whether a large, all-caps legend reading ‘FUNNY PEOPLE’ above an image of Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler is a desperate attempt at self-affirmation, or just plain sarcasm.
Still, I guess ‘SMUG, UNFUNNY DOUCHEBAGS’, while more honest in that context, isn’t quite such a catchy title for a movie.
The Wolverines in Red Dawn 2 will be actual CGI wolverines. By Pixar. And all cuddly and patriotic and stuff with lots and lots of hip pop culture references. Wheeee!
Anyway do you think the 40 yr old virgin hit a little too close to home for Ross?
Nah. Steve Carell’s character was LIKABLE.
It’s Cartoon Time … so sit down, STFU & dont’t sit too close to the screen or you’ll go blind.
Hey, I’D sleep with Seth Rogan in a hot minute. But then again, I don’t look like Katie Heigl, or the male equivalent, whoever that would be. He’s a lot more doable than Ross Douthat, but who isn’t?
I wanted a G.I. Joe doll until I realized it wasn’t anatomically correct. Or life-sized. (Granted, I was 17 at the time…)
“trying to brillo the sin off his weiner”. I wondered if there was a sin so small, even God couldn’t see it. Now I know the answer.
Ross was born in November of 1979? The shmuck’s only 29? Yet he yearns to travel back to a time of old-fashioned values, a time before he was even BORN? Come to think of it, I’d like to travel back to that time too after reading his shit.
The Wolverines in Red Dawn 2 will be actual CGI wolverines. By Pixar.
They are going about their sweet innocent lives in an all-wolverine small town until the monkey king arrives one day and forces everyone to get vaccinations.
a large, all-caps legend reading ‘FUNNY PEOPLE’ above an image of Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler is a desperate attempt at self-affirmation, or just plain sarcasm
At least Pauly Shore wasn’t involved – then we’d KNOW it was sarcasm.
The Wolverines in Red Dawn 2 will be actual CGI wolverines
Either that or the commies will have their entire invasion plan contingent on being able to take this one specific mall deep in some suburban wasteland somewhere, and the only hope against communistic Red Army take-over of all of America is one mall security officer. Hint: played by Kevin James.
*wink* *wink* but if you do, they were just life-sucking murderous vermin anyway. *suggestive nod*
Yeah, when did our hot-blooded revolutionaries turn into Eric Idle?
I said Dr. Tiller “The Killer” was a no-good, low-life, Godless Nazi who murdered babies for fun and profit, and who didn’t deserve to live. I didn’t mean someone should actually go and kill the bastard! Sheesh, how can you say that his murder was in any way my fault?
Now, about this “Obama” character…
In other words, we’re conservative right up until the moment that
it costs usan alluring Argentine vision slinks into our field of vision.I never had a GI Joe as a kid. My bag was the huge dinosaur sets put out by the Marx!!11!!! toy company.
Hey, Big Hollywood founder Andy Breitbart has a fill-on fucking-A awesome column in the Wingnut Washington Times and at his entertainment-free entertainment site. I shit you not, it’s titled…
I am Kenneth Gladney.
They aren’t even fucking trying anymore, are they?
Oh, I’d say they’re very trying.
“They’re not going to “force” healthcare on anyone. How do you even do that, haul people in for annual exams?”
Yes. You’ll have to file a health certificate from your gummint-assigned doctor with your income tax forms. If you’re sick or old or something like that the Death Squads come for you. It’s in the bill, I’m sure…
They are going about their sweet innocent lives in an all-wolverine small town until the monkey king arrives one day and forces everyone to get vaccinations.
and Andy Bitefart will write an analysis for Big Hollywood about how the “monkey king” character really isn’t a racist reference to Obama ’cause Bush was called “Chimpy” and there’s a Monkey King in Hindu mythology and that was the obvious reference and SUTW.
WTF? They’re not going to “force” healthcare on anyone. How do you even do that, haul people in for annual exams?
That’s exactly what they’re afraid of. Anal probes. First thing that comes to mind is the protologist probe which makes them feel all weird because they secretly want their buttholes pluved but OMG and so on.
The Wolverines in Red Dawn 2 will be actual CGI wolverines. By Pixar.
Smart-talking CGI wolverines seems much more like a Dreamworks thing.
OMFG!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Dawn#Remake
This is going to be totally fadgetastic!
Still deep in pre-production, but the thing is already cast, and they’re re-writing the re-written script!
People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K.
Clearly, because the man speaks with a slight Swedish accent, they believe he is American.
Wha?
*cough*
Consistency is the hobgoblin of
smallconscious minds.That Konservakult site confuses me. Take this:
“Take, for example, 300. Did you think its opening-weekend success was due to its dazzling comic-book violence and histrionics? Not so, says Victor Davis Hanson of National Review, who explained that its financial triumph really represented a national reaction to the moral degeneracy of our time. “There is a great yearning among the public,” he intoned, “for just a small, rare chance to see some issue presented in terms other than moral ambiguity.” He cited “the Iranian hostage taking” of British sailors at the time of the film’s release as another factor in its financial victory. One wonders why he did not make the same claim for the following weekend’s box-office champ: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
No it wasn’t. It was all about the nearly naked, sweaty, buff men.
Don’t kid yourselves.
Ob pedantry in re the “Monkey King”
Hanuman.
Let’s say you’re Ross Douthat
AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Looking forward to the denunciation of the Red Dawn Remake (Islamic Dawn! or maybe Hijab Dawn!) and how it totally sells out the original since one of the Wolverines is Australian.
Douthat has gotten himself into a world of sh*t with slagging Palin in the first graf. Somewhere north of Juneau she is putting down the Times (because of course she reads “everything”) scowling and muttering “He’s a dead man…”
Andy Bitefart
that’s got my vote for his new internets name.
, “GI” stands for “General Infantry”,
“Government Issue” was the way I heard it, Bub.
“Jeep” (which was itself a shortened phonetic pronunciation of “GP”, for “General Purpose”)
Or that could be a backronym and the vehicle was named for the eponymous Segar character (think Fleischer Pop-Eye cartoons). It’s pretty well established that “bazooka” was named after Bob Burns’ makeshift trombone, so the “named after Eugene the Jeep” theory as not as unlikely as folks might think.
It was all about the nearly naked, sweaty, buff men.
Newsletter. Subscribe. …
rebrand social conservatism for a younger generation that associates it primarily with priggishness and puritanism.
But … umm … that’s what it is.
rebrand social conservatism for a younger generation that associates it primarily with priggishness and puritanism.
But … umm … that’s what it is.
Yes, but they want to make it cool, like how Pepsi keeps reinventing itself for the younger generation, despite the fact it’s a cheap oversweet version of Coke.
Let’s say you’re Ross Douthat
Well, that episode with Chunky Reese would have turned out WAY differently.
man with the Ape nature
I think I knew him at college. He ate White Castle hamburgers whole.
Well, that episode with Chunky Reese would have turned out WAY differently.
Lemme guess, with you eating her brains out.
nice one, Dragon King. Masterfully punned.
>How does it feel to have the wrong battlecry ringing through your head for 20 years?
>Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre’s a bathroom on the right…
More like almost 40 years, IIRC.
Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre’s a bathroom on the right…
John Fogerty actually recorded a version of “Bad Moon Rising” with that lyric for a Boulder, CO radio station a few years ago. They play it occasionally, and it never fails to give me a good laugh.
Fogerty is an awesome musician, who got royally hosed by his old label, his band mates (and their lawyers) and his own brother, and has managed to re-invent himself out of necessity. Big props to him.
Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre’s a bathroom on the right…
All the Lisa Browns, and the sky is gray…
The Joes and Cobra team up to stop the Tube Worms, and they both get the heavy water
Yeah, sufficient heavy water can stop any Tube Worm.
tube worm… *snerk*
rebrand social conservatism for a younger generation that associates it primarily with priggishness and puritanism.
But … umm … that’s what it is.
Yes, but it isn’t just priggishness for the sake of priggishness. It is an easy way to feel superior to others, especially homos and people of other cultures. It is a tried-and-true way to control women. It provides a justification for privilege, and a psychic wage to compensate for disadvantage vis-a-vis others.
Hate isn’t born, it must be re-taught to each generation!
This one seems appropriate for a douchhat thread:
Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a douche you know I rode her in the night
Fogerty is an awesome musician, who got royally hosed by his old label
“Vanz can’t dance but he’ll steal your money
Watch ‘im or he’ll rob you blind”
Let’s not forget the classics:
‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy…
I learned a new word the other day. The Lush Life lyric, it turns out is not “distant gay traces,” which always seemed odd to me anyway. IJust the other day I found out it’s distingue.
All these years I never bothered to really wonder how Billy Strayhorn could have written such a clumsy lyric, and using the word gay twice. In the same line, no less.
I am slightly embarrassed to admit this.
Also, might as well face it, you’re a dick with a glove.
Update: Nat Cole sang it as “distant gay traces.” What a stupid fuck.
I wanna Rock ‘n Roll all nite,
And part of every day.
http://www.kissthisguy.com/
And of course, who can forget that memorable line from Bohemian Rhapsody, “The Algebra has a devil for a sidekick eeeeeeeeee”
Sheeee’s so funky, yeah.
Win.
Sheeee’s so funky, yeah.
Haha! I thought I was the only one who heard that one from Peter Gabriel that way. Good one!
Sheeee’s so funky, yeah.
That was Kate Bush what sang that!
My sister and I came close to outright violence once, when we were both little, on the question of whether or not a certain Barry Manilow lyric was or was not “Looks like tomatoes”.
BTW I always thought it was “She’s, so fuckin’ A”.
“Looks like tomatoes”
Left each other in the can to another flub…
BTW also. You folks do know, of course, there is a proper name for what we’re discussing.
Mond yer greens, Pere…
Why does everybody take Douthat’s version of the chunky Reese story seriously?
I think it far more likely that our chunky Reese was last seen stumbling down a corridor, gasping for breath, exclaiming; ‘GI JOE pants?? at HIS age?’
Oh, pedestrian, thanks for that linky! That site’s a national treasure…
Yer in a bubbly guy
Go an’ give someone else a try
(which I had to actually look up the lyrics on the Internoobz to figure out)
There is, however, still no excuse for “pompatus of love”.
You folks do know, of course, there is a proper name for what we’re discussing.
You don’t say.
And the face of Burgess Goldstein turned a whiter shade of pale
Inevitably:
Douthat to me one more time.
You don’t say. ???
Life would be ecstacy, you and me and Leslie groovin’…
Hate isn’t born, it must be re-taught to each generation!
And you’ve got to be carefully taught.
PeeJ,
If you check my Kenyan birth certificate you’ll note that I was born in a crossfire hurricane, in the District of MONDEGREEN.
Far too fucken subtle for me.
Sister Christian…at the motor inn, what’s your price for fright?
While shepherds washed their socks by night…
Far too fucken subtle for me.
Perhaps this PENIS is more your speed.
Sister Christian…at the motor inn, what’s your price for fright?
Now that’s funny.
OT-
Froomkin’s “first” post at HuffPo.
Why does everybody take Douthat’s version of the chunky Reese story seriously?
For me, it’s not so much whether or not the story is true; it’s why he published it at all. Now that I’ve had some time to reflect, here’s why I’m baffled:
I grew up in the Catholic Church. At no time was I taught anything like the traditional sexual double standard. There was never a sense that my parents, or parish priest, cared more about my sister’s “virtue” than mine. The thought was never voiced that contraception and abortion were to be avoided so that bad girls could be punished for their sins by forcing them to raise children. The rhetoric was always positive. Marriage is a sacramental representation of God’s relationship with the Church, and must not be cheapened. Choose life. And so it has continued to this day. “Christian” politicians don’t stand up on the street corner and say “These dirty sluts should be punished for spreading”, they say something like “Every human life is precious and must be protected”.
Of course, as I grew up, I encountered the negative concepts, but always as part of a criticism of traditional values. They weren’t the party line. Instead they were the inevitable consequence of existing power relationships. Perhaps they were the intendedconsequence, but still not spoken aloud. It was a leftist critique; it wasn’t the right’s vision of itself.
But then I read this thing from Douthat, and that’s what it’s about. He was going to have sex with Curvy Reese until she seemed to want it. He was going to have sex with Curvy Reese until she revealed she takes oral contraceptives. That is not part of the moral tradition in which I was raised. Father used to say, “No sex until marriage”. He never said, “No sex until marriage unless she’s a virgin who doesn’t use protection and is reluctant to boot”.
It’s like Douthat wrote that story as a left-wing parody of himself, or something. That’s why I’m baffled.
I can’t believe no one has posted this yet.
GI Joe is AWFUL…
I agree 100%. GI Joe is awful. We part company on the reasons for that, but hey, common ground where we find it, right?
I must express my surprise that DKW’s true and factual completely authentic BC is PENISless.
American conservativism blues:
If it wasn’t for real bad faith, I wouldn’t have no faith at all.
Can you hear them? Talking ’bout us,
telling lies, well, that’s no surprise.
Can you see them, look right through them?
We have a shield, nothing will be revealed.
It doesn’t matter what they say.
No one’s listening anywaaaaay.
Alex the seal.
What, I’m supposed to remember what happened four days ago?
Cripes, you’re lucky if I can keep it together over a whole five minutes.
TV says donuts are high in fat, you know
Found a hobo in my room
It’s Princess Leia, the yodel of life
Gimme my sweater back or I’ll play the guitar
Of course, LC, Catholicism is a pretty big tent, encompassing not only Douchehattian patriarchy and Buchananian authoritarianism, but Dorothy Day Catholic Worker activism, Maryknoll pacifism, and Latin American Liberation Theology. Ross’ problems may have their roots in his upbringing, but there’s a definite pathology at work here.
B*4, don’t forget the freak show cornber of the tent, occupied by Bill Donohue, Mel Gibson et al.
B*4, don’t forget the freak show cornber of the tent, occupied by Bill Donohue, Mel Gibson et al.
and lots of wetsuits.
And let us not forget the gigantic ‘lapsed Catholic’ contingent, which is certainly big enough to have their own part of the tent.
B*4, don’t forget the freak show cornber of the tent, occupied by Bill Donohue, Mel Gibson et al.
And KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-LOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
How did malodorous little poop stains like Douthat and McArdle get such cushy writing gigs?
They made the right connections at the pricey prep schools they attended.
Ohio Players, “Love Roller Coaster.”
My take? “Ro-bi-tussin®.”
rebrand social conservatism for a younger generation that associates it primarily with priggishness and puritanism.
They’re trying to “rebrand” not getting laid?
Good luck with that.
And let us not forget the gigantic ‘lapsed Catholic’ contingent, which is certainly big enough to have their own part of the tent.
I always preferred to think of myself as a “Shane MacGowan” Catholic (before Ratzo’s ascendency turned me into a full-blown apatheist). Yer man channeling Neil Diamond.
Good point Lurking,
But I find it funny that his side of the story is the very best that he can come up with on the situation, and even then, the odds are that it was so much worse than how he describes it. (if in fact it ever happened at all.(aargh now I think about it I find it likely that he made it up, and still made himself out to be the most pathetic idiot in the history of made up anecdotes)
Anyway, for my contribution, I give you;
‘I would do anything for Love, (But I won’t Douthat)’
The Eagles. Victor my love.
And on the topic of Red Dawn II: The Reddening But Even Redder, the screenwriter Carl Ellsworth sez: “We feel that the world is kind of already filled with a lot of paranoia and unease, so why not scare the hell out of people again?”
That script is gonna be so awesome.
That script is gonna be so awesome.
Only if it goes through three more rewrites.
Moar writers = moar betterer.
…and if it ends up being produced by Alan Smithee.
No way would Alan Smithee put his name on that turd.
So, Dochehat has decided that Apatow is quietly whispering conservabot messages in our ears. I’d love to hear his interpretation of “Pineapple Express,” in which a pothead goes on the run after witnessing a cop commit murder. Maybe if you stand on your head and squint, the cop represents pro-choice eevil or something. What a maroon.
–
Oh, btw douchehat – Judd Apatow contributed to the Obama campaign. D’oh!
–
So this is a Catholic boy, turned off by a slightly chubby blonde kissing his neck, shoving her tongue in his mouth, showing him her breasts and telling him she is on the pill?
Wouldn’t have happened in 1970. We unanimously dreamed of such a scenario. But then we didn’t have GI Joes to play with.
I’m happy.
Hope you’re happy too.
Ah, well, the conservative quest for the Holy Grail, ideological purity in all art, goes on, unabated and oblivious to the obvious.
They’re still regretting that Hollywood’s greatest supporter of William Pelley’s Silver Shirts, Gary Cooper, never had the chance to play Tailgunner Joe.
That might have redeemed the sinful city and her liberal and libertine excesses….
Brian Blessed day,
dogs say goodnight
and I think to myself
“what a wonderful world”
Hi, I got here late, did I miss anything?
A “conservative” reading things into things and getting upset because the things they’ve read into things are not the things they think should be in those things? Again?
Fuck this, I’m going to get back to whatever it is I’m meant to be doing.
I don’t know what’s sadder–a GI Joe fan, or a GI Joe fan getting Teh Emo. Over a fucking two-hour GI Joe COMMERCIAL, no less.
I dunno, that first paragraph makes me grin. “It’s been a melancholy summer for social conservatives. Their movement is fighting a rearguard battle in Barack Obama’s Washington. A cluster of family-values politicians — some of whom bunked down in the same Christian-sponsored D.C. townhouse — have spent the last few months confessing to extramarital affairs. And Sarah Palin … well, you know how that’s turned out so far.”
Why yes, yes it HAS been a bad summer for social conservatives. Yes, yes they ARE fighting a rearguard battle. Yes, it IS Barack Obama’s Washington. Yes, Republicans DID get caught having affairs. Yes, Sarah Palin DID implode.
Wow. I agree with Ross Douthat. See, you don’t even have to read the rest of the column. That first paragraph, it’s all I need in these dark, mob-attacking times.
Funny People is an Adam Sandler movie. Enough said.
What Michael say.
‘I would do anything for Love, (But I won’t Douthat)’
Shouldn’t Douthat, shouldn’t douthat (x 10)