The matching dates make me skeptical that this is a fake.

Your mom was a jackal, huh?

*packing bag*

She promised me this would never be released….

The fact is, if you mother is actually Jackyl, that would make perfect sense. Because:

what, no Hat tip?

More anti-zombishness. I shan’t be back.

Your mom was a jackal

And his dad’s in hyding.

I shan’t be back.

Pretty fancy lingo for a cheesehead zombie.

I have researched the kerning and this is totally legitimate for both the technology and the era. Brad’s a Muslimistan Jackal! And you should see his granite countertops!

I shan’t be back.

TROOFIE!

Your mom was a jackal

win.

still, let me heckyl this.

#

TROOFIE!

Hey, there’s no call for language like that.

Hey, everybody! Is THIS a fake???

http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/703441bbef89001f015ba8a9c3b5698d

And your father smelled of elderberries!

Democracy in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de3WWGCK4N0

Hat Tip: Kléber Raposadinho at the Poor Man.

Hey, there’s no call for language like that.

I’m sorry, I got caught up in the moment. Here, have a parietal lobe.

Hey, everybody! Is THIS a fake???

John McCain would have been our first foreign-born president. People the world over would have marveled at our inclusiveness and appreciation of diversity as we embraced a white man born in a foreign land, ascending to the highest office in the land. If only…

I have the original Kenyan Vault Copy for Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, Jr and I will release it at 2PM Sunday, Norwegian local time.

I own a hat.

Make way for the return of B-Rock “The Islamic Shock”

You call this proof you have a foxy mom?

Sorry, I’ll go now.

Hilarious.

My own effort can be viewed here.

Actually, looking at it just now, it seems to have fucked up quite a few of my entries. Never mind, it ain’t funny if you can’t read it.

Looks like real certificates to me. Simples.

Oily Titz

She wants a pearl necklace…

Well, since all the kids are doing it:

http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/925a0b1137018dbcec5c0d3f9e2cc046

The “Certified Fake” part kind of puts a crimp into things.

Natural skin oils supposed to be good for pearls. Oily Titz would keep them lustrous and lively. Also pearls are good to have at hand for clutching when reality butts into your fantasy world.

“Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

Oily Titz

She wants a pearl necklace…

Or a Cleveland Steamer

Today in Rotten History:

1930 – New York City judge Joseph Force Crater mysteriously disappeared after being last seen leaving a restaurant and entering a taxi, earned him the title of “The Missingest Man in New York”.

1945 – World War II: The U.S. Army Air Force bomber Enola Gay dropped an atomic bomb named Little Boy (pictured) on Hiroshima, Japan, killing as many as 140,000 people.
1991 – British computer programmer Tim Berners-Lee first posted files describing his ideas for a system of interlinked, hypertext documents accessible via the Internet, to be called a “World Wide Web”.

Coincidence?

Coincidence?

The bomb at Hiroshima left a Crater that Al Gore filled with DARPAnet.

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’d like to object to the implication that “oily titz” are something bad or objectionable.

I’d like to object to the implication that “oily titz” are something bad or objectionable.

Wasn’t me!

Are you implying something, Mr. Ubu?

I’d like to object to the implication that “oily titz” are something bad or objectionable.

I make the acne exception to this objection.

I’d like to object to the implication that “oily titz” are something bad or objectionable.

Ahem.

Are you implying something, Mr. Ubu?

“Implying” or “applying”? snerk hurr hurr Bud Light football grunt grunt macho stereotype.

I was born in a cabbage patch to a large, irresponsible slut of a cabbage. My birth certificate proves it.

1930 – New York City judge Joseph Force Crater mysteriously disappeared after being last seen leaving a restaurant and entering a taxi, earned him the title of “The Missingest Man in New York”.

What popular histories always seem to omit in the Crater story is that he had been subpoenaed and was likely to be indicted for graft, following a stint in awarding condemnation awards to property owners on the site of what is now the Sara Roosevelt Park. His disappearance is not mysterious, just his success at staying hidden.

The last time I came across Oily Titz, I said, uh, that didn’t come out right, er, I mean, um, well, I had better go now. Sorry for the ….bad taste left in your mouth..

for clutching when reality butts into your fantasy world.

Mmm. Clutching butts in my fantasy world.

What?

You guys also WOULD do this when I’m stuck behind the Iron Wall of Websense and can’t make a true vault copy certificate proving I’m one of the uncountless unholy spawn of Abhoth, last seen vicinity of Mount Voormithadreth.

last seen vicinity of Mount Voormithadreth

Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.

ACORN is responsible, I just KNOW it!

Goldberg and Coulter better take the liberals at World Net Daily to task for fomenting and prolonging the “Birther” movement. The liberals JUST WON’T LET IT DIE!

That damn liberal Joseph Farah!
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=106049

About three months ago, some of you will remember, I set out to make this happen. I launched a billboard campaign with just this goal in mind – raising the visibility of the story, which had been all but forgotten because of the bailouts, the stimulus packages and the government grab for power under the new regime.

“Where’s the birth certificate?” was the campaign. Many of you criticized me for the choice of words. Yet, you bought up the bumper stickers by the tens of thousands. You erected the yard signs and held up the rally signs at tea parties. And you supported the billboard effort with financial contributions.

Check out WND’s full line of eligibility products – bumper stickers, post cards, DVDs and more!

Do you recognize what has happened in such a short time?

You’ve made this an issue!

This is why everyone can’t stop talking about the “non-issue” of the birth certificate.

See! The liberal admits that the birther issue eclipsed policy issues and he’s proud of it! He’s selling birther stuff, also. That free market touch could almost deceive you into thinking he’s a Republican. But Ann and Jonah know better!

Steerpike said,
August 6, 2009 at 20:22 (kill)

     I’d like to object to the implication that “oily titz” are something bad or objectionable.
     Ahem

Man, that’s just rude.

rude? OK how about this?

Worser.

Oily?

Unguent.

(one of the cool things about pharmacy – being able to use the word “unguent” almost whenever you want to.)

I like how the tab for the web page has a picture of Lou Dobbs.

OT, but Sen. Franken just announced that Sotomayor has been confirmed to the Supreme Court, in a 68-31 vote.

Eat it, racist wingnuts.

Hey, how come Brad’s birth certificate and DA’s have identical creases??????????

That damn liberal Joseph Farah!

I bet he’s got oily tits. Or at the very least, hairy ones.

Wow. OT, but I just got banned from a “fatism” thread at LGM.

One trigger in the safe zone and it’s a new internet tradition. Sweet.

The premise of the post is great, the “obesity myth” is like the gay cure, or something.

http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2009/08/of-course-this-is-completely-invalid.html

link no work

The premise of the post is great, the “obesity myth” is like the gay cure, or something.

Moar detales.

You gotta read it. It’s tough to explain.

My comment;

Guest Jeez, I don’t want use any trigger words that might take someone out of their safe zone, but fat Americans whining about the injustice of the observation that we might be overfed and unhealthy as a society…. Christ, it’s like Cheney back in the day sneering about our inalienable right to drive SUV’s. Get over it. Take a walk. Have a salad. I mean, who am I to say that all those fat wheezing tourists I see every day aren’t healthy? Did I feel better after losing 50 pounds? So what if I did? I’m not the boss of you and I’m sure you feel fine.

was a throwaway, not even mentioning the foolish analogy that they are presently trying to defend

Humor Me, for me your link worked, and I saw your comment there. That’s one strange discussion they have going on there…

Moar detales.

The point of the post is that “cures” for gayness work about as well as “cures” for fatness.

Lemuel Pitkin in comments has noted that weight loss programs contain elements that are obvious goods that Campos agrees with, like eating better and exercise, whereas gay conversion programs don’t really have a tangible “good” element unless you’re a bible-thumper. JS-Kit is so fucked that comments aren’t readable right now.

Yeah, I’m surprised they left it up.

I can’t see the comments, but I keep refreshing the main page and I can see some in the sidebar. I’m a bit curious.

One would hardly think that encouraging people to get a little exercise and eat a little healthier is in any way comparable to these “pray away the gay” or straight camp” (and similar) programs.

The point of the post is that “cures” for gayness work about as well as “cures” for fatness.

I think there’s more to it than that, though I had kind of a hard time telling. I can see that it would be true to say that the success rates are similar, but the post also looked to be implying that telling people not to be fat was as futile and reprehensible as telling them not to be gay.

Maybe I’m not actually banned. Just haloscan fucked up.
That would be nice.

err, I meant to say that it could be true to say that the success rate is similar.

Went over to the link and read through the article and a good chunk of comments. You’re right, it is hard to explain. I had to do some re-reading to try and find where Campos was trying to go, and from what perspective he was starting. Mebbe I did so.
I’m glad the Shrink Society said that gay cures are idiotic and often dangerous to clients. They’ve said it before, now they seem to be saying it louder. Good.
And I saw your comment. You got banned for that? Eeek. That’s a hair-trigger on the nuke button, IMO. Obesity is a serious health issue in this country (thank you, AMD, et. al.) while insane body image norms also twist people up in knots. Did that article clarify these issues. Not to me, anyway.

Why my picture not on front page with Atlas and islamofascist communist liberal Coulter person?

but the post also looked to be implying that telling people not to be fat was as futile and reprehensible as telling them not to be gay.

Campos seems to want to believe that there is a willpower orientation that prevents him from controlling what he puts in his mouth, so, kind of similar?

One would hardly think that encouraging people to get a little exercise and eat a little healthier is in any way comparable to these “pray away the gay” or straight camp” (and similar) programs.

Campos is not arguing against those but against the “thinness” ideal that is, for most larger folks, unattainable in the long haul. But yeah, the analogy falls down because promotion of healthiness is not the same ball of evil as moral training – and promotion of “thinness” and healthiness are on a continuum so it’s kinda hard to deal with just the one and not the other.

And the continuum is pretty fucked up too.

The BMI of minimum mortality was 27.1 for black men (95% confidence interval (Cl) 24.8–29.4), 26.8 for black women (95% CI 24.7–28.9), 24.8 for white men (95% CI 23.8–25.9), and 24.3 for white women (95% Cl 23.3–25.4).

18.5 is healthy my fucking ass.

And I seem to have an extra “?” on my keyboard. Feh.

As far as equating obesity and gayness, the proportion of morbidly obese people in our population seems to be going up. Is anyone claiming the same about the proportion of gay people? If not, I have to conclude something environmental is going on with obesity, while gayness is rooted in genetics.

With obesity it’s probably a combination of food availability, passive entertainment availability, the need to adapt to sedentary jobs and maybe even nasty hormones and such in the water and food supply. That would suggest that the prospect of the obese losing weight is more likely than people changing their sexual orientation.

UPDATE; Early reports of repression premature… new evidence suggest free speech reigns supreme at LGM.

Sources describe Campos as “guardedly optimistic”, and “big boned”.

Thanks and good night.

A+

would lol again

Campos seems to want to believe that there is a willpower orientation that prevents him from controlling what he puts in his mouth, so, kind of similar?

I think you’re making an uncharitable assumption. Paul seems to me to be in enviable shape.

What he’s talking about is not health but “thinness” and “fatness”. Obviously being fit is nice, but “thin” and “fat” are way oversold in relation to those and there is not a lot of magic that will stop people – who are by and large fat-seeking rockets – from attaining the weight that their body seems to demand regardless of the health of their food or – within limits obviously – the diligence of their workouts.

Why my picture not on front page with Atlas and islamofascist communist liberal Coulter person?

I see nothing wrong with S,N! prominently featuring oily tits above the fold.

Um, as long as they’re not K-Lo’s. *shudder*

That would suggest that the prospect of the obese losing weight is more likely than people changing their sexual orientation.

WTF?! But Teh Ghey is contagious.

I can put BMI on your birth certificate. Let’s see Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator do that.

ice

If not, I have to conclude something environmental is going on with obesity, while gayness is rooted in genetics.

You don’t have to make the latter claim – Iran makes it for you as there is no homosexuality there officially, so AMERICA MAKES YOU GAY, or more specifically not being in Iran has that effect.

But the point is not to equate homosexuality with fatness, it’s to say that one worthless treatment is rightly viewed as reprehensible and the other somehow remains a requirement. And that’s where it’s difficult to split the thin/healthy goals.

And his dad’s in hyding.

Don’t be silly. Haydn’s been dead for centuries.

Substance, I am a well known know-nothing(see comments above), and I’m pretty biased, having seen members of my family die too soon from obesity, and having lost weight in the past myself.. this “obesity myth” meme of Campos pisses me off, because it’s a cover for a lack of self discipline. I just don’t buy the argument that a significant percentage of fat people are suffering from a genetic condition that effects their willpower. And Americans aren’t “healthy fat” like some Okie farmboy who works all day.. I work with people who are functionally fat, active and fairly healthy, but that does not describe most overweight americans.

So, yeah, uncivil, biased etc.

Glad to hear Paul’s OK though.

Makes his argument a bit harder to inappropriately mock though..

Maybe the idea is that Teh Ghey and Teh Pfat are all too nebulous concepts and that we should do less supporting idiots who want to make either a profit or ideological point and more “fuck you, I’m happy with what I am”?

Don’t be silly. Haydn’s been dead for centuries.

Zombie Haydn says: I’ll be Bach.

“Where’s the birth certificate?” was the campaign. Many of you criticized me for the choice of words. Yet, you bought up the bumper stickers by the tens of thousands

I saw one of those on a car jsut the other day. I shake my head and look down. There, right there, written in chalk on the sidewalk is this message:

“Don’t worry about small-minded people. They are not having as much fun as you.”

And that was just what I needed.

Clyde, I believe you’re reading my lines.

Maybe the idea is that Teh Ghey and Teh Pfat are all too nebulous concepts and that we should do less supporting idiots who want to make either a profit or ideological point and more “fuck you, I’m happy with what I am”?

OK, I really respect your choice to be fat, but don’t pull a “fatism” and “genetics” card out of your ass to explain your choice. Not you Pere Ubu, just generally.

Spend a few hours in an airport and look at the people. They are sick. It looks like a casting call for Super Size Me. We manufacture food addicts in this country to sell buffalo wings and twinkies. Digesting too much bad food makes you feel like shit, it’s a well known fact. Doing it over and over is an addiction. Wanting better food choices and education is populist, not elitist.

Campos pisses me off, because it’s a cover for a lack of self discipline. I just don’t buy the argument that a significant percentage of fat people are suffering from a genetic condition that effects their willpower.

For what it’s worth, I read Campos’ point as being more about body image (the cult of thinness) and how people are held to a certain goal that may be biologically unattainable for them (being straight, being thin). I know people who compete regularly in triathalons but look “fatter” than me. So that anecdotally suggests to me that willpower isn’t always the determining factor. Willpower is always a contributing factor, and in many cases may be the determining factor, but it seems to be proof of a certain bias that we most always assume that people could be thin (as opposed to less fat) if they just weren’t lazy. Not being thin doesn’t always equal unhealthy, lazy, or other moral failings.

who are by and large fat-seeking rockets…

I think the less offensive term is “chubby chasers”

Enough with the fattie jokes.

In birther news, I really enjoyed Rumproast series by Miss Polly’s on Orly Taitz, the artwork is outstanding.

http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/the_orliad_part_six_i_dream_of_orly_with_extra_new_birthyness/

Cyntax, Lets make an arbitrary line past “chubby”, somewhere around Limbaugh, Goldberg, and of course, Michael Moore and Al Gore (balance, balance), and call it “fat”. I mean, be reasonable, you know it when you see it. I have a finely honed beer-fat reserve myself, but c’mon.. what about the FATTIES?

I see nothing wrong with S,N! prominently featuring oily tits above the fold.

Um, as long as they’re not K-Lo’s. *shudder*

Not to worry, Ubu. K-Lo’s tits are always going to be under one fold or another…

. . . aaaand Tommmcatt pulls the whole thread together. Nicely done.

Oh dear God, with that mental image now I WANT a zombie to eat my brains.

by and large fat-seeking rockets

WANT.
I shall call it Hommage à Joseph Bueys.

fat-seeking rockets are the humorless dildos of liberal fascism….

Clyde, I believe you’re reading my lines.

im in ur piano bein a g-string.

Hümor Me said,

See, the issue I have is with how fucking uptight skinny people are about the mere existence of fatness. I see the often absurd ‘fat acceptance’ type stuff as being a reaction to that.

I’m not going to make any excuses for being fat. It’s difficult for me to lose weight, but I recognize that I’m ultimately making a decision to value certain things over my weight (I don’t eat very badly but I work an extremely sedentary job for long hours, and I like my whiskey). I could be much thinner if I dedicated a lot of effort to it — I know this because I’ve done it before, and I know what’s involved.

However, it’s also not your business or anyone else’s business if I’m fat. It really isn’t. I understand that obesity is a public health issue, but (a) I’m not somehow making you fat by being fat myself and (b) you’re not going to solve the problems which cause epidemic obesity by mau-mauing fatties.

I think my point is that obesity is a personal issue and, in another sense, a public issue — and certain people for some reason like to use the public aspects of the obesity issue as an excuse to interfere with someone else’s personal weight situation.

And I agree it’s absurd to equate pray-the-gay-away and weight loss programs — but you wouldn’t believe how often fatties get told how so-and-so lost 70 pounds on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or on the Master Cleanse or the coke-and-anonymous-jizz diet, and you should talk to her, etc. etc.

…but you wouldn’t believe how often fatties teh ghey get told how so-and-so lost 70 pounds on Jenny Craig is really a nice and girl and you should go meet her.

Faggorted.

Look, I generally agree that comparing weight issues with sexual orientation is a pretty bad approach – they totally are not analgous – but observe that all the points you bring up kinda reinforces to comparison.

I’m not going to make any excuses for being fat gay. It’s difficult for me to lose weight be in a conventional relationship, but I recognize that I’m ultimately making a decision to value certain things over my weight the acceptance of my family

or

However, it’s also not your business or anyone else’s business if I’m fat gay. It really isn’t. I understand that obesity gay marriage is a public health controversial issue, but (a) I’m not somehow making you fat gay by being fat gay married myself and (b) you’re not going to solve the problems which cause epidemic obesity with divorce rates and the declining numbers of people actually getting married by mau-mauing fatties excluding the fudge-packers.

And I mean that in a totally heterosexual way.

I should interject at this point that I am about 40 pounds overweight, but mock fat people as mercilessly and as often as I can, with complete disregard for the situational irony.

‘Cuz fat jokes are funny, badda-bing!

Regarding the LGM post on obesity and gayness — I like Sisi’s comments the best. She was trying to shift the focus from an individual’s weight being good or bad to the food we eat being more or less healthy for us. I think this is the right approach and I’m sad to see her comments not really getting the attention they deserve. Sometimes when trying to solve problems it is impossible to do until one shifts one’s attention.

The focus should always be on behavior rather than on persons. The alcoholic, the compulsive gambler, the drug addict, the over eater or whomever you want, these are not “bad” people. Their behavior is the problem and it is “ineffective”, “dysfunctional” “unproductive” or whatever label you want to attach to it. But not “bad”.

As a general rule then, it is best not to make value judgments about other people if the goal is to change their behavior. I know this sounds a little preachy. I don’t mean it to be. This is just what I have to offer about this. I’m not so hot at being funny, but this is something where I can add a little. Thanks.

Boy, that was fun!
http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/a699c4144e2f1e654745ee2febcf0412

Totally fun!
http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/da207c4b34fa58aeb046fa0c73c5abc6

One oft-ignored factor in fattiness is that overeating of crap foods can be caused by unhappiness. You feel miserable, so you eat comfort foods – fats, sugars, all go that little bit towards taking the edge off the misery. Then it becomes a habit, and, compounded by a sedentary lifestyle, which is probably encouraged by the same unhappiness, you’ve got more undercarriage than you need (okay, mebbes undercarriage is not the right word, but my vet used it for one of my cats, and I love it so I’m gonna use it).

So the upshot is that in order to fix the excess fat-fattity-fat-fattiness, you need to address both the cause of the unhappiness and the habits. Long, difficult slog, which requires some self-examination (and no, not in a mirror) and critical thinking. In addition, some folks don’t have access to real foods, or not easily: when the crap is easily available and cheap, that’s what they’ll eat (particularly if they’re glued to the telly).

That’s why lots of obese folk who want to lose weight, can’t. They don’t realise that they need to address so many issues (as if changing diet and getting more exercise, ie changing one’s basic habits, weren’t challenge enough). And it doesn’t help when the same society that set them up for trouble hammers them with messages telling them they’re worthless because they’re not stick-thin airheads.

Just sayin’ that it’s not just a simple matter of willpower: there’s more involved than that. Oddly, the white folks’ societies, US-based mostly, are the only ones that have this massive obesity problem: Asian countries are full of people who hover around their healthy weight all their lives, as are most European countries. Perhaps there’s something specific about US-centric culture that’s so unpleasant that lots of people have to eat (or drink, or smoke, or whatever) themselves into a stupour to relieve it.

Just my two centimes worth.

Love Susan!

Eat all you want, big bowls of pasta, and stay thin!

Perhaps there’s something specific about US-centric culture that’s so unpleasant that lots of people have to eat (or drink, or smoke, or whatever) themselves into a stupour to relieve it.

I think you’re right, and it’s probably the same thing that causes so much violent behavior here, too.

Perhaps there’s something specific about US-centric culture that’s so unpleasant that lots of people have to eat (or drink, or smoke, or whatever) themselves into a stupour to relieve it.

I think you’re right, and it’s probably the same thing that causes so much violent behavior here, too.

America Eats Its Young.

Even earlier: Scab of a nation, driven insane.

Before that: … The best minds of my generation …

Super duper fun

http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/7575e5e86b83f01db5f76b50d6a8e9df

Looks like someone really ought to have done a better job of vetting his running mate.

http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/871e93be5afab2738bb567438ebb8d88

I have a fast and inefficient metabolism, which is just as well, considering all the big bags of dicks that people keep inviting me to eat.

One oft-ignored factor in fattiness arguing with trolls is that overeating of crap foods taking some internet nimrod seriously can be caused by unhappiness. You feel miserable, so you eat comfort foods – fats, sugars, respond to some bad-faith provocation — all go that little bit towards taking the edge off the misery. Then it becomes a habit, and, compounded by a sedentary lifestyle, which is probably encouraged by the same unhappiness, you’ve got more undercarriage than you need

Enhanseled.

GENIUS!

Tee hee!