“This special, full-length, unedited version of the documentary made for television by Grizzly Adams Productions…”

Hi, I’m TV’s Grizzly Adams. Did you know that heaven is real? For the next 2 hours, I’m gonna prove it you, with scientific evidence!

“”The Evidence for Heaven” is like an electroshock treatment for skeptics.”

Coming in the expansion DVD, prefrontal lobotomies for atheists.

The Name of the Problem is Talking Heads (like Pat Robertson’s).

The Name of the Problem is Talking Heads (like Pat Robertson’s).

Ding! congratulations! you’re the first to spot the Talking Heads allusion!

Whatever.

More posts about buildings and food.

More posts about buildings and food.

Stop making sense, cobag.

Do you have a loved one you want to confront with the inevitability of death?

When I want to confront a loved one with the inevitability of death I find it makes my point more effectively to just murder one of their pets in front of them. Or perhaps a homeless person. But yeah, I’ll try this video next time, what the hell.

Do you have a loved one you want to confront with the inevitability of death?

Nah. I’ll let it be a surprise. Why harsh their buzz?

No Talking, Just Head.

But .. but .. if heaven is proven to exist, faith is no longer required, as faith is belief without proof .. but without faith, the ascension to heaven cannot happen .. so this video is in fact THE FINGER ON THE TRIGGER THAT POPS A CAP IN THE ASS OF GOD! (head exploding …)

But .. but .. if heaven is proven to exist, faith is no longer required, as faith is belief without proof…

…and do you think this little contradiction escaped them? I don’t think so. I believe these fundies are, in fact, the agents of the anti-Christ.

I believe these fundies are, in fact, the agents of the anti-Christ.

The Anti-Christ has better marketing skills.

Do you have a loved one you want to confront with the inevitability of death?

Yes, because I’m an asshole.

Loved One: It’s such a beautiful day.
Me: You’re going to die.
Loved One: (cries)

Do you have a loved one you want to confront with the inevitability of death?

Yes, because I’m an asshole.

Loved One: It’s such a beautiful day.
Me: You’re going to die.
Loved One: (cries)

Do you have a loved one you want to confront with the inevitability of death?

Yes, because I’m an asshole.

Loved One: It’s such a beautiful day.
Me: You’re going to die.
Loved One: (cries)

Sorry about that.

It froze me up too, HW.
I elected to bide my time and hummed that Tragically Hip song.

This reminds me of the time I glanced at the Weekly World News and saw that the wingnuts had obtained conclusive proof of Hell’s existence!
Seems some “scientists” (or possibly people with too much free time) dug a really deep hole and heard the screams of the dammned issuing therefrom.
I’d be laughing a lot more heartily if the believers weren’t in power..

HW, it was good enough for three comments.

Hmmm…I thought Belinda Carlisle had already proven the existience of heaven with her “Oooo, heaven is a place on earth…” song.

Does anyone really need more proof than that?

Hi Nicole, unrelated question: In Levitt theory, proposition 2.2, which hypergeometric function is used? (Task completion)

Thaks a lot!

But as Mr. Sun brought to my attention today, a Christian heaven may have some missing virtues.

You bring up an interesting question, Punkinsmom. Catholics teach that sex is OK as long as it’s between married couples who don’t prevent the possibility of pregnancy. 60-year-old couples know this isn’t likely, but at least they’re not frustrating God’s will with a sinful latex membrane. I mean God could arbitrarily pop a brand new egg out of a 10 years postmenopausal woman’s ovary, but there’s no way he can weaken a condom to the point of tearing. However I don’t think anyone can pretend that people in heaven are going to have babies.

By definition heaven is static. The very antithesis of all that is human, in fact. What would it mean to humans to have flowers that were always in bloom? Would orchards progress from blossom to fruit, and if so, why? There would be no hunger and no need to eat. Would there be trends in music in the fact of eternity? What would sports mean if everyone had either a perfect body, or no body at all? There wouldn’t be Action movies, reality TV shows or video games. You’d never watch kids grow up, get married, and start families of their own. I guess we’d all stand around looking at the flowers and talking about how great God was.

The Anti-Christ has better marketing skills.

As a marketer, I prefer to think that we have better Anti-Christ skills.

Heaven is where you have to spend eternity with Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell.

Oh wait, maybe that’s another place.

Seems to me the DVD cover is proof Judy Garland is really dead.

It includes medical testimonials, first-person accounts of “resurrections” from the dead and the latest developments on the scientific front.

Well, anecdotes aren’t “scientific” proof of anything, so one hopes they have something more substantial. Though, considering they just state the existence of the soul as an accepted “fact” when there has never been any proof thereof, one doubts it,

I had a heart attack 10 years ago, with that came shitting of pants and some really wierd stuff also. Paramedics said I was dead for almost 3 minutes. Don’t prove anything, does it?
I did ask my wife what happened to my favorite pants. She explained the shitting thing to me.

I want to know whose giant hands those are! Did we finally find out what happened to Mr. Clean?

After all, we all know what cleanliness is next to…

Things to do in Heaven:

1) Make an actual-size model of the Universe, one atom at a time.

2) Relive every second of the lives of every creature that ever lived.

3) Memorize every language, book, artwork, and song ever created.

And you’ll still have eternity left to occupy your time with.

My suggestion – since Heaven is infinite, pick a direction and start walking. And don’t stop.

Bah! I would have got the Talking Heads reference in nanoseconds if I hadn’t been sleeping off a crack hangover when you posted.

But .. but .. if heaven is proven to exist, faith is no longer required, as faith is belief without proof .. but without faith, the ascension to heaven cannot happen ..

“Oh dear, I hadn’t thought of that,” said God, and vanished in a puff of logic.

Jim–
Alas, the research money ran out just as we were fitting data points to a curve. I’ll have to see if I can get one of Dr. Levitt’s new grad students to do the actual work^W^W^W^W consult with me about it.

Now, c’mon, we can’t truly critique this until someone sucks it up and buys the damned- er, blessed- thing. So get on it, yo!

Hasn’t Alice Sebold beaten them to this by a couple of years?

We know that Heaven exists–it has been proven to be hotter than Hell.

Faith is not belief in something that can’t be proven. Faith is the proof.
Jesus Christ Himself spoke often about Heaven and Hell. Would you call Him a liar?
Fact is, unlike most of the topics discussed here, we will all know the truth about Heaven and Hell soon, very soon.

Various people wrote down various accounts of what a figure called Yehosua Ben-Yosef decades after his death. Are you calling them a liar?

we will all know the truth about Heaven and Hell soon

Them’s strapping-on-a-dynamite-vest words, pardner. You might wanna re-read that book you claim to cherish so much. Sounds like you missed some of the important parts.

Whyncha write a songlet about it, Watchman?

Watchman. Like a typical fundie, you distort definitions to suit your real-world-denying religion. I don’t know if Jesus ever lied, but his followers do it all the time. Whatever.
I was raised fundie. When I was a kid, I asked my dad (a minister) what we would do in heaven and would animals be there (I’m a biologist). He said it would just be saved people and we would spend eternity singing praises to god. Oddly, after that I dreaded going to heaven. David Byrne got it right.

Will I be able to dunk a basketball in heaven?

There is no basketball in my heaven. Just college football. And ice hockey. Lots and lots of ice hockey…

Well, if the atheists are right, we actually *won’t* know the truth about Heaven and Hell after we die, because there has to be brain function in order to “know” something.

It’s sort of like trying to see yourself in the mirror with your eyes closed. It just doesn’t work.

It’s sort of like trying to see yourself in the mirror with your eyes closed. It just doesn’t work.

Or trying to imagine a new colour. It’s fun though.

If I go to heaven and have to spend eternity singing praises and making nice with mormans and shit, I’ll be the first heaven suicide case.

Hysterical Woman- Try that one again.
Triffid Farmer- Please tell me where I have gone against scripture with my statement.
King Spirula- Time to grow up and read the book for yourself.

Please tell me where I have gone against scripture

In your heart. You should not be prideful, nor is judgement yours to decide.

Further, by reducing the complex and difficult act of faith to a default unquestioned position, you demean both the faithful and the object of faith.

If you truly believed in god and Jesus, you would strive to live by their teachings and their examples, instead of brandishing them like your own instrument of wrath. Nothing in your writings shows any inclination to use the magnificent gift of free will and independent thought which god supposedly bestowed upon us. And nowhere in your words in the charity and forebearance of Christ.

Rather, you appear to relish the position of the false adherent, with god and Jesus free upon your lips and absent from your heart. The more damned are you.

Note that I am neither a Christian nor someone who believes in god. Yet I seem to understand each better than many who profess to be bother.

My discussion with you is done. If your own god and saviour cannot penetrate your heart and mind and show you how to live and act in a truly righteous manner, then obviously nothing I do will bring about this transformation. But I will suggest that you set about repairing your own house before you chastise the state of another’s. Because your words and deeds here give no glory to those you claim to venerate.

If I crap in my pants when I die, can I snicker about it then too, or do I have to wait until I get to heaven, hell, nirvana, Chuck-E-Cheese?

I was using the Hebrew name for Jesus, son of Joseph. I think it’s actually suppose to be Yeshua, not Yehosua. That’s the name he’s refered to by in “The Cartoon History of the Universe, Part Two”. Good series.

I want to spend eternity in Chuck-E-Cheese. That would be cool.

Is there a particular religion I should join? Maybe I’ll start one up in my spare time.

Faith is the proof.

Wow, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Gotta say: Bullshit!!

Jesus Christ Himself spoke often about Heaven and Hell. Would you call Him a liar?

Sure. And a fucking cobag, too.

we will all know the truth about Heaven and Hell soon, very soon.

Noooo… only if they actually exist. If you just cease to exist, you’ll learn exactly nothing at the point of death, ‘cos you’ll just be a sack of rotting meat. *Poof,* gone. Do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200. So sorry, but thanx for playing.

And you Christians are calling… Every fucking person on the planet who isn’t a Christian a liar.

And that includes a handful of people who werejust as nifty as Christ.

Really, though, I think in our heart of hearts we all know that the Aztecs were right and we all end up in Mictlan.

Triffid Farmer, that last post was a thing of beauty.

Triffid Farmer- Wow, that last post was a real waltz through the cow pasture.
Let me clear it up for you and Marq.
Hebrews chapter 11, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.
As for the rest of your poetic poo post, I simply stated biblical truths that will effect all people. It’s God’s truth that convicts you not my attitude.

Watchman,
Apparently you don’t bother to read carefully. I was raised in a conservative christian home and my father was a conservative (bible=infallible word of god)christian minister. I’ve read most of the bible and many parts numerous times. It is nice fiction. Why don’t you “grow up” and study the history of the bible, as it is a concoction of manuscripts cannonized in it’s current state almost 3 centuries after Jesus lived. I doubt many of you “true” christians even realize the first gospel, Mark, didn’t appear until almost 40 years after Jesus’ death. Apparently, Jesus wasn’t that remarkable a person in his time since no one seemed to have written about him during his life.

Watchman – you’re going to have to justify your Biblical claims with something outside of the Bible. You can’t justify something with itself, i.e. faith being the proof. If that were the case, you’d know that I’m infallible, because I say so. And how do you know that I’m right? Because I’m infallible. So if you can back up your claims about Jesus/faith/the Bible with some kind of historical research, political context, writings by secular contemporaries, I’m all ready to listen to what you have to say.

If you’re going to stick with, “The Bible says so.” “But how do we know it’s right?” “Because the Bible says it’s right,” I’ve got this magazine I can be reading.

King Spirula- You know those folks were a wee bit busy at that time.
The scriptural fact is that God has set his word above even his own name, ever read that? Do you not think that if His word is so important to Him that He would make some provision for it to be known? Why would He inspire Godly men to write the truth and then allow others to totally defile it and keep the knowledge of His saving grace from the world?
Come on, you have to agree that if God exists then He is more powerful than man.

But I don’t agree god exists and I don’t buy any of your circular proofs about the bible, it’s inerrancy or inspiration either.

Maybe god does have ways to make his word known.

And just maybe, none of those ways include a book written by mere mortals…

that should have been “its”

If I lose my arm in a construction accident, will it be waiting for me in heaven? I think this is the more important question.

The scriptural fact is that God has set his word above even his own name, ever read that?

Bwaaahhh-ha-ha-ha-haaa!
And the rather significant differences between various translations of the Bible are explained but what part of this “the WORD is infallible” bullcrap? Or, more pointedly, which one of them is the correct, English-language translation (after all, one wouldn’t want to base one’s life around a flawed translation, would one?)? Or does one need to understand an older language, like Greek or Latin to read an unflawed translation? I seem to recall parts of the Bible were originally in Hebrew and Aramaic at one point or another, do we need to know those tongues as well? Or have I just expended dozens of words in saying, “Watchman, you’re full of shit.”?

Oh, BTW, Goatboy, that’s an interesting idea, and one that I’ve considered for a while now. I’m kinda leaning away from your take there, though, and think Watchie is a unique beastie unto himself. Though i could be wrong, but the writing seems more different than usual.

Hebrews chapter 11, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.

Um, just what do you hope to accomplish by quoting from a book of mythology that has no more relation to the truth than Greek and Norse mythology do to me? There’s isn’t anything you can dredge out of that doorstop that I’m going to find particularly persuasive, silly. Sheesh. Fairy stories, and not the kind I like.

All I hoped to accomplish was to stir some thought. It appears by your three posts that I did accomplish that. God loves you

This place feels much safer now that you guys got a watchdog.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. – Bible, King James

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. – Bible, Revised Standard edition

Famous Soviet Athlete makes one of my points. Those two versions of the same passage mean quite different things. And they are hardly the only translations floating around out there. So… which one is correct, Watchman? I’m just curious as to how one would determine this, ‘cos it doesn’t really matter to me in regards to belief–I still think it’s bullshit in any event.

God loves you

How nice. A fictional character cares for me. I’m touched. Of course, many people lie you claim I am going to roast in hell for all of eternity, which I’m sure you can’t disagree with since I utterly refuse to accept Jeebus as my “savior,” so pardon me if I take that with a block of salt (hey–eeeww–Lot’s wife!).
Oh, and Goatboy, I’m wavering. You might be right.

Err… it was “many people like you….”

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. – Bible, King James

Evidence- Elegchos(el’-eng-khos)= proof. Strong’s Greek Dictionary.

Watchman, bubke, dumbass, just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. And, just because something is written in a book also proves nothing on its own. That quote is merely a statement. It is backed up with exactly zero evidence. Oh, and incidentally, I see you haven’t answered my question about how one decides which of the myriad of translations of the Bible is the accurate one, insofar as being the WORD and all. I note you quote from the King James version, so perhaps this is your choice. But that doesn’t answer the part of my question that I actually find of interest–why pick that version as opposed to the others?