Catching up with Clownhall so you don’t have to
Now with Scrubbing Bubbles! Since they’re doing their own ‘shorters’ now with capsule descriptions of each new column, all that’s left to do is to add spoilers.
Doug Giles (r): “How’d you like to be ‘jalapeño-peppered,’ Speedy Gonzalez?”
A Hunter’s Take on Cheney’s Mistake
by Doug Giles – Feb 18, 2006Is the Cheney story the story we should be obsessing on right now?
Whoah there, Amigo — not while there are Mexicans sneaking over the border, with their sombreros and frijoles and a lust for the flesh of human infants.
Buckshot
by Debra Saunders – Feb 18, 2006Suffice it to say, there are days — as in the Monday after Vice President Dick Cheney shot a buddy in a quail-hunting accident — when I’d rather be working for a conservative rag, like The Weekly Standard.
And yet, I’m reluctant to quit my job as the hot-cha conservative chick at the San Francisco Chronicle because I’m actually nearly 50 and look like a suburban Board of Ed administrator.
Big Ben’s good beginning
by Larry Kudlow – Feb 18, 2006After two days of congressional hearings, new Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke delivered a “not-too-hot” and “not-too-cold” testimony that reassured financial markets — driving up share prices by roughly 1 percent across-the-board, while gold, bonds and the dollar held flat.
But this was also thanks to President Bush, who is always responsible when markets go up, whereas something else is always responsible when they go down. Mr. Post Hoc, meet Mr. Propter Hoc. Oh, you two have met before? Well, I’ll see both you guys next time.
On Campus: Jane Austen v. The Vagina Monologues
by Nathanael Blake – Feb 17, 2006The feminist canon: inspired not by the Holy Spirit, but by the Holy Orgasm.
Nathanael Blake: Inspired by the Holy Hand Lotion.
It’s time to evict the U.N.
by Burt Prelutsky – Feb 18, 2006My wife would like to see us kick the United Nations out of the United States. I, for one, think it’s a swell idea.
And we’ll start working on it as soon as we finish picking out the new paneling for the basement rec room.
The IDF’s confusion
by Caroline B. Glick – Feb 18, 2006Since Israel withdrew its citizens and military forces from the Gaza Strip last summer, a great deal has been written about the consequences of the destruction of the Jewish communities there for the Israeli communities in Judea and Samaria.
However, here’s some more about the ‘destruction of the Jewish communities,’ which is not coded language in the least and is not intended to suggest any past historical events. PS: p4lestini4ns u r teh suxxor.
A great force for good
by Rich Tucker – Feb 18, 2006Is the United States good? Or bad? For the average American reading the paper or watching the news, the answer is obvious — and wrong.
Because Abu Ghraib…well, never mind the cynical, negative liberal media. This new book about Winston Churchill says that he liked America a lot, and since America elected George W. Bush, that means everything he does is good according to Churchill and that liberals hate America. [arm pump] No backs, double-tax.
Cable choice now
by Brent Bozell – Feb 17, 2006The “cable choice” initiative continues to gather momentum. Increasing numbers of public policy organizations, political leaders, and even telecommunications companies are endorsing the very simple concept that consumers should take and pay for only that which they want on cable television, rather than having to continue subsidizing programming they find offensive or just plain lousy.
Zaius prefers a stagnant, imperfect, faith-based ape culture that keeps humans in check, to the open, scientific, human-curious one proposed by Cornelius and Zira’s generation, while the idea of an intelligent human…threatening the balance of things frightens him deeply. –Wikipedia
The Lincoln Legacy Revisited
by Mark M. Alexander – Feb 17, 2006We revisit Abraham Lincoln’s statesmanship status, not just the man credited with preserving the Union, emancipating slaves and founding the Republican Party, but the man who presided over the most grievous constitutional contravention in American history.
And if Abraham Lincoln can violate the Bill of Rights, then so by God should George W. Bush.
The Nanny State comes to the Chesapeake
by Trevor Bothwell – Feb 17, 2006Apparently not content to confine their legislative excess to Wal-Mart and small business, Maryland Democrats now are threatening the property rights of Maryland boaters.
“The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge…”
Bush administration: “Expect more government”
by Gary Aldrich – Feb 17, 2006Do you ever get the sinking feeling when reading a serious piece that the author didn’t realize the implication of his words?
Well, do you? …Why are you looking at me like that?
I got schooled… at the movies
by Emily Yee – Feb 17, 2006We would never say it out loud, but haven’t we all had enough of the racial reconciliation, rich man-poor man happily-ever-after fairy tales? Sunday afternoon made-for-TV specials come to mind. So do Disney straight-to-DVD “breakthroughâ€? productions.
Those movies never succeed, which is why…well, actually this one about an evangelical pastor who goes to the ghetto was totally eye-opening, because I’ve never actually met any black people in their, you know, native habitat.
Too many carrots, not enough sticks
by Steve Laffey – Feb 17, 2006On Saturday, February 4th, something historic happened. The United Nations actually did something worth talking about. After years (yes, years) of running away from its own shadow, the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) voted by a margin of 27-3 to report Iran to the UN Security Council.
Of course, this doesn’t let Senator Lincoln Chaffee off the hook. That scoundrel comports with dictators and endangers national security, and the fact that I’m running against him in a Rhode Island primary election this season only strengthens my argument.
Democrats don’t support the troops
by Dustin Hawkins – Feb 17, 2006Iraqi veteran Paul Hackett, an anti-war Democrat, and reality met a bitter end this week in Ohio. After receiving every indication that he would get little support in his bid for the Democratic nomination for the U.S. Senate, Hackett dropped from the race, leaving Congressman Sherrod Brown as the likely nominee to challenge Republican incumbent Mike DeWine.
Therefore, instead of swift-boating Hackett, I shall attack the Democrats for failing to support him.
Townhall.com Editors
Daily Capitol Report: A Democratic Civil War
by Townhall.com Editors – Feb 17, 2006Are Democrats on the verge of a major crackup?
Translation: Republicans are in huge-ass trouble these days.
David Limbaugh
Old media shame
by David Limbaugh – Feb 17, 2006If I were to utter the statement, “Vice President Dick Cheney is an extraordinarily decent man who doesn’t deserve the unwarranted presumption of guilt affixed upon him by the Old Media,” the statement would be met with profoundly polarized reactions.
Some people would laugh, but most would merely stare at me briefly and walk away, as people have done all my life.
Why weren’t we informed? Isn’t it obvious?
by Mona Charen – Feb 17, 2006There are few less edifying sights than Terry McAuliffe in full battle cry. But alas there was no avoiding him after the Cheney hunting accident.
–Mona Charen is the author of ‘Useful Idiots.’
“Fueling our enemies’ engines”
by Oliver North – Feb 17, 2006In his State of the Union address, President George W. Bush aptly described America’s insatiable appetite for oil as an “addiction.”
Never mind Iran-Contra, I reportedly once got in trouble with the police for going out of my mind and running screaming around my suburban-DC neighborhood in nothing but a pair of tighty-whities — and yet I can still make a living as a political analyst.
Hunting story out of control
by Charles Krauthammer – Feb 17, 2006I’m just glad he didn’t shoot Scalia. Well, everyone’s entitled to one Quailgate joke, so that’s mine.
Hey Charles, how does your mother dance? Well, everyone’s entitled to one Krauthammer joke.
Hunting hysteria
by Tony Snow – Feb 17, 2006The politics of kneecapping failed utterly last week, when partisans tried to make hay of Vice President Dick Cheney’s having shot hunting partner Harry Whittington.
Whereas, the politics of face-shooting succeeded admirably.
Don’t blame me
by Jonah Goldberg – Feb 17, 2006The wonderful thing about writing op-ed pieces is that I get ample feedback, often from people unencumbered by the niceties of interpersonal diplomacy.
Yes, as Podhoretz was saying just the other day, as he leaned into my face aspirating a cloud of pastrami breath and halitosis… Well, I’ll get to that later. Surprisingly, I also get lots of mail from loony, unhinged moonbats.
Letter from an editor
by Paul Greenberg – Feb 17, 2006Dear I Dare You, It was wholly a pleasure to get your letter daring us to reprint the cartoons that have been used to incite those riots all over the Muslim world.
Dear Paul, I dare you to steal one of Jonah’s Snickers ice-cream bars.
Questions about the war that are very worth asking
by David Lazar – Feb 17, 2006Part history lesson, part policy discussion, part unabashed screed, Jarecki’s film raises its share of substantive, pertinent and, indeed, thorny issues about the nature of how we conduct ourselves overseas.
I’m sane, and I don’t belong here.
Al Gore’s diminished capacity
by Cal Thomas – Feb 16, 2006The more Al Gore opens his mouth, the more grateful Americans should be that he didn’t win the presidency in 2000. Normally his rants sound like sour grapes and can be ignored, or relegated to the Jimmy Carter school of bitterness, but not lately.
Because, you know, Jimmy Carter is a very bitter man.
The flames of hate in Alabama
by Jeff Jacoby – Feb 16, 2006Suppose that in 2005 unknown hoodlums had firebombed 10 gay bookstores and bars in San Francisco, reducing several of them to smoking rubble.
No no, I mean that would be a bad thing. Wait, let me try another tack here. What if someone was firebombing Muslim-owned… Stop that, you guys, this is serious!
Hunting Cheney
by Matt Towery – Feb 16, 2006I seem to recall a certain prominent (and very likeable) political leader who once drove a car off a bridge. A passenger in that car died. He then waited a little longer than “immediately” before notifying law enforcement officials.
And Ted Kennedy escaped public scrutiny for the obscure “Chappaquiddick” incident forever after. Therefore, if Dick Cheney wants to shoot a guy in the face and not tell anyone for awhile, that reflects poorly on Democrats.
Dems test suburban strategy
by Daniel Sullivan – Feb 16, 2006A tough 2005 has threatened to sink the Republican national agenda, and the Democrats aim to seize the initiative and send local Republicans down with the floundering national party ship.
Or, the Dems are ‘on the verge of a major crackup’ — the two are pretty much interchangeable around here.
Feminists have become their own worst enemy
by Karin Agness – Feb 16, 2006While most people were celebrating or searching for love on Valentine’s Day, groups of women throughout the country decided to forego this lovely holiday to talk about their vaginas.
Oops, now I’m talking about vaginas! I blame feminism.
Showtime at Coretta Scott King’s funeral
by Larry Elder – Feb 16, 2006The “funeral” of Coretta Scott King turned into an ugly, disrespectful political rally.
And if the liberal media didn’t silence white Americans from speaking about…Aieeee! What’s wrong with my hands!? Aaaah! I’m this color all over — even my face! Oh my God, I’m black! [sobbing] No! No! No-o-o!
Spoiled brat media
by Thomas Sowell – Feb 16, 2006The first revolt of the American colonists against their British rulers was immortalized by Ralph Waldo Emerson as “the shot heard round the world.” Vice President Dick Cheney’s hunting accident has now become the shot heard round the Beltway.
Don’t worry, Larry, you’ll get used to it.
A negative savings rate?
by Alan Reynolds – Feb 16, 2006You must have heard that “Americans are spending everything they’re making and more, pushing the national savings rate to the lowest point since the Great Depression.”
In fact, that’s a very positive indicator. Looking at the index of…Aaaah! What the hell happened to Larry?
Spoiled brat media
by Thomas Sowell – Feb 16, 2006The first revolt of the American colonists against their British rulers was immortalized by Ralph Waldo Emerson as “the shot heard round the world.” Vice President Dick Cheney’s hunting accident has now become the shot heard round the Beltway.
Shut up, you shouldn’t make fun of him like that. He didn’t know.
A negative savings rate?
by Alan Reynolds – Feb 16, 2006You must have heard that “Americans are spending everything they’re making and more, pushing the national savings rate to the lowest point since the Great Depression.”
LOL!!! Sorry, Tom.
Tantrums
by Emmett Tyrrell – Feb 16, 2006For weeks now civilized observers around the world have been astonished by the dispendious angers vented by indignant young Muslims.
So let’s throw another log on the fire.
Showtime at Coretta Scott King’s funeral
by Larry Elder – Feb 16, 2006The “funeral” of Coretta Scott King turned into an ugly, disrespectful political rally.
Huh?
Tantrums
by Emmett Tyrrell – Feb 16, 2006For weeks now civilized observers around the world have been astonished by the dispendious angers vented by indignant young Muslims.
Muslims, Larry. Another log on the fire. Hey, do you desire to exchange names, old sport? ‘Emmett Tyrrell’ constitutes a more prosampiquitous black-person name than ‘Larry Elder,’ don’t you think? It has been an obstacle thrust on me since my incunabulum, if I am not being a sourpuss.
Feminists have become their own worst enemy
by Karin Agness – Feb 16, 2006While most people were celebrating or searching for love on Valentine’s Day, groups of women throughout the country decided to forego this lovely holiday to talk about their vaginas.
…gi-na, buh-gi-na, buh-gi… Okay, now you’ve got me. How long has Thomas been black?
Islam’s problem with democracy
by Suzanne Fields – Feb 16, 2006Religion has always been linked to political power, often controlled by kings and despots. In a democracy, there’s a different kind of link. Freedom allows everyone to raise questions, confront dogma and challenge beliefs. That’s why maintaining the complete separation of church and state is crucial.
Most people won’t know that, but George Will. ;>
The next war resolution may be a long one
by George Will – Feb 16, 2006The next time a president asks Congress to pass something akin to what Congress passed on Sept. 14, 2001 — the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) — the resulting legislation might be longer than Proust’s “Remembrance of Things Past.”
Many philosophers can be read pleasurably, but Immanuel Kant. ;>
Seriously, Suzanne, I think we brought him in for the treatments around 1980. The Hoover Institution paid the tab.
What’s Up (or Down) with AIDS?
by Michael Fumento – Feb 16, 2006It’s a testament to something – well – not good, that 19 years after I first started debunking the “we’re all at riskâ€? theory of HIV/AIDS there are still those who insist that contagious diseases must follow political ideologies. And they’re not shy about fabricating numbers to shoehorn them into the politically correct fit.
Speaking of all that, who wants pizza? My treat, I got another check from you-know-who through the Hudson Institute.
Townhall.com Editors
Daily Capitol Report: Google in China
by Townhall.com Editors – Feb 16, 2006Is the internet in China a tool for freedom or suppression? A congressional panel examines the question.
Sure, get one with mushrooms on it.
Showtime at Coretta Scott King’s funeral
by Larry Elder – Feb 16, 2006The “funeral” of Coretta Scott King turned into an ugly, disrespectful political rally.
Thomas, I need help here… [sobbing] …What do black people like on our pizza?
I got schooled… at the movies
by Emily Yee – Feb 17, 2006We would never say it out loud, but haven’t we all had enough of the racial reconciliation, rich man-poor man happily-ever-after fairy tales? Sunday afternoon made-for-TV specials come to mind. So do Disney straight-to-DVD “breakthroughâ€? productions.
Hey Larry, can I touch your hair again?
Showtime at Coretta Scott King’s funeral
by Larry Elder – Feb 16, 2006The “funeral” of Coretta Scott King turned into an ugly, disrespectful political rally.
Oh, so THAT’S why you always…
Muslim bites dog
by Ann Coulter – Feb 15, 2006The amazing part of the great Danish cartoon caper isn’t that Muslims immediately engage in acts of mob violence when things don’t go their way. That is de rigueur for the Religion of Peace.
I hate anchovies and onions. Don’t get any with anchovies or onions.
Man shot by Cheney says it was ‘accident,’ leaves hospital
The lawyer shot by Vice President Cheney during a hunting trip was discharged from a hospital on Fri
Nathanael Blake: Inspired by the Holy Hand Lotion.
Lines like that remind me why I love this site.
Nathanael Blake:
It rubs the lotion on its skin
It does this when it’s told
It rubs the lotion on its skin
Or else it gets the hose
And when it’s done there’s one more thing
A simple little task, it’s:
Put the fucking lotion in the basket.
Put the fucking lotion in the basket
All these stupid feminazis are the same
Helps me not to think of them as human, so
I call them “it” instead of by their names.
My, they certainly have quite the… array of “talent” over there, don’t they. And, only about 92% batshit crazy, too, Neat!
…would it have been justified? Wait–before you answer, what if you knew those “bookstores” only had books in a small section in the front? And the “bars” only had a tiny area up front for drinking? What is the rest of these places filled with, you ask?
Porn. Hardcore, gay, man-on-man porn. Dicks going into things you never even imagined they could go into. Arms doing the same. Buttless leather chaps that if you wore them, well, it’d be really sad.
Not so quick to denounce the immolation of these places now, are you, smart guy? Didn’t think so. Here’s a pack of matches and a bottle of lighter fluid.
Get to work.
Big Ben’s good beginning
Damn, and I thought this was a re-enactment of Da V.Ben’s first 2 minutes in bed, and not with a tube sock with a photo of manimal Coulter on top.
BTW, Larry Elder knew he had a shoo-in gig at Clownhall after his show with the tagline “The tension of a court show! The emotion of a talk show! The excitement of a game show!” died a pitiful, gagging death.
Or as BadMouth.net put it: “The judge of Moral Court was Larry Elder, the only black man in America to vote for Reagan. Twice.”
And quite possibly, the only Black John Stossel Libertarianâ„¢ that’s functionally sane (sit down, Alan Keyes).
Shorter me: As a black man, Elder (and Sowell) do not speak for me; only for the between 4 and -2% of black Americans who luuuuv VP Dubya.
[/end_rant]
Iraqi veteran Paul Hackett…
I didn’t know Paul Hackett was an Iraqi. Huh.
Dispendious angers? Isn’t that some kind of erectile dysfunction?
No, I think it’s premature ejaculation.
Unless my memory has been rendered squamatose, along with a biggoraneous portion of my frontal lobes, and I’m just fritillaciously typing whatever random überlooneranian gibberish pops into my head. My vacuumulative head.
I just regret that Timothy McVeigh didn’t bomb Ann Coulter.
HA HA THAT’S A JOKE! Just so you know.
That was superb. I think I’ll steal it as a premise for a one-man show I’m thinking of doing. I’m hoping to get really rich and famous, and then bottom out on drugs and bad living.
Wait, there’s a black libertarian?
a “not-too-hot” and “not-too-cold” testimony”
Finally Larry “Eightball Junkie”Kudblow uses a literary allusion that his readers can understand. Next up, the gold standard and how it relates to kidnapped children and spinning straw.
I love the pic–classic winger pin-up type thing. Love how he poses with trusty pooch (“does EVERY damn thing I tell him, yup!”) and trusty shotgun (“I just LOVE blowin’ furry critters to bits with big, loud, flaming phallic symbols!!”) to shore up the Manliness Points he loses from needing to pose with them in the first place (probably due to his faintly metrosexual hair and the can’t-decide-if-I’m-tough-or-smoldering facial expression).
Those wacky conservatives, I tells ya. Always worrying about what some other guy is gonna assume about the size of his dick based on how he accessorizes. All while insisting they’re not gay.
That picture of He-Man Vagina-Hater is crying out for captioning a la MST3K, with the dog blushingly disavowing any connection with the human. Nothing’s really coming to me, though. Anyone?
Dog: Will someone get this perv’s hand off me before he touches my butt again??
So many wingnuts, so little time . . . . I can’t keep up with this wingnuttery. Please investigate this: are there any wingnuts out there who DON’T write for a wingnut blog? I can’t imagine there are many more of them.
Long to bonify your duomachy skills? Now you, too, can write like the aeolistic Emmett Tyrrell, Lord of the Cercopithecan:
http://www.chriswajda.com/wordlist5.html
I will give you one after you have got me my supper
Ah, the fine exercise of logic in the service of Jennifer Roeback Morse’s relationship advice is just too precious: Jennifer Roback Morse, a research fellow at the Hoover Institution of Stanford University, has been tracing the effects of no-fault divo…
I will give you one after you have got me my supper
Ah, the fine exercise of logic in the service of Jennifer Roeback Morse’s relationship advice is just too precious: Jennifer Roback Morse, a research fellow at the Hoover Institution of Stanford University, has been tracing the effects of no-fault divo…
So you have a sense of humor. That’s nice. But can you read more than one sentence without taking a nap? can you find the way to the bathroom without mapquest?
2005 world cup is coming in germany.