Invite the fallen rightist to the Dark Side–the disgraceful left side of the blogosphere! Offer the man a spot on the panel of prestigious bloggers here at S,N!

As the in-house Wingut Emeritus, he can spare you those unfruitful, hypertension-inducing hours of keeping up with The John Spencer Clown Shoes Explosion and Our Marie of the Final Apostrophe.

I doubt it- we tried inviting Adam Yoshida to be a regular contributor, but he repeatedly turned us down.

heh. Baltic Avenue.
That’s a good one.

So, are we gonna get to actually read this masterpiece? Because I am dying of curiosity. What exactly did Mr. Longman write that was so “disrespectful”, “un-Christian” and “deeply offensive”? Did he reveal, as we have all long suspected, that Ryan “Be Intolerant” Dobson is a member of the gay? Or perhaps it was salacious gossip on the other Dobson spawn, Danae? I must know.

What’s the Boardwalk of Wingnutopoly? Does it have any hotels?

What’s the Boardwalk of Wingnutopoly?

K Street.

So, are we gonna get to actually read this masterpiece? Because I am dying of curiosity. What exactly did Mr. Longman write that was so “disrespectful”, “un-Christian” and “deeply offensive”?

I searched for it, but they’d even wiped out the Google cache. *sniff*

My irony meter just exploded in a shower of mercury and glass.

I doubt it- we tried inviting Adam Yoshida to be a regular contributor, but he repeatedly turned us down.

I’m pro-life and anti-gun control. And I was a virgin when I met my husband.

Sure, I’m no Adam Yoshida, but I’d love to be Sadly No’s token wingnut.

OK, now you’ve really let us down! S,N! readers rely on you to present the unfair and unbalanced personalities on the internets. It’s like askig us to shoot without a target. Dammit, we’re not Republican’ts!

Renew — America… ‘has,’ standards?

Ok I now no longer believe that Kaye Grogan is a real person. You channel her too well. I think she is really Brad, and he has infiltrated wingnuttia.

Oh man, Yoshida would have been so, so sweet.

Whatever the merits of the arguments Mr. Longman intended to present, the piece was extremely disrespectful to Dr. Dobson personally, and characterized by ad hominem sarcasm that was un-Christian and deeply offensive.

“Waah, waah, you made fun of my friends, you big meanie! Save your deeply unChristian ad hominem sarcasm for those pussy pinko tree-hugger baby killers! Waah, etc.�

Focus on the Fetus, Focus on the Freakus, Focus on Your Anus, whatevs.

Renew this, farking asshats!: Longman will live to kick all y’all’s necks off.

This is like cancelling Dallas before learning who shot JR. It’s like Keyes is just saying to the Renew America readership that Dobson’s rep is more important than them surviving a Nuclear Holocaust.

What the fuck would Jesus do?

Hopefully, Andy, if you’re reading this — THINK BLOG. The pay’s the same and you’ll never have to worry about Keyes kicking you out like you’re just another lesbian daughter.

Except he wasn’t bannned for being too crazy. He was banned for toeing James Dobson’s line with sufficient enthusiasm.

“ad hominem sarcasm”?

Riiiight. I am so sure.

That’s just completely uncalled for, and in no way represents the kind of behavior anyone on the right would ever tolerate.

I mean, really. As if.

that should say *NOT* toeing James Dobson’s line…

I found the first paragraph!

Dobson goes ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ on gay marriage
Published in Renewamerica.us
Indexed on Feb 15, 2006
In the long slow befuddlement where the ability to stand for things clearly and oppose things clearly is now: nave, gauche, and outmoded, we find Focus on the Family now turning backflips to try to assist legal “civil unions” (shhh, without calling it that). Focus on the Family is supporting, “.reciprocal-beneficiary contracts, which streamline the process by which two adults ineligible to marry would be able to access benefits already available by powers of attorney and other contracts” This brought to you by Colorado Senate bill Senate Bill 166. Wow. The Bible is just full of admonitions to support… “.

The cache ends there, unfortunately.

He began a sentence with a period, and used at least one colon incorrectly.

But Renew America turfed him for insulting James Dobson? What about his maligning the English language? Will no one think of the children?

In the long slow befuddlement where the ability to stand for things clearly and oppose things clearly is now: nave, gauche, and outmoded, we find Focus on the Family now turning backflips to try to assist legal “civil unions” (shhh, without calling it that).

Yeah, that’s long, slow and befuddling, all right. Or maybe I’m just being “nave.”

“Alan Keyes’ Crack Den”??? Leftist race-baiters! This is just like when all those unhinged, gay-lovin’ moonbats called me Chinky McGooksalot, Slanty Flip Whore — you know, all those moonbats whose blogs I can’t seem to find links to right now.

Thanks for the ammo, pinko scum.

“He began a sentence with a period, and used at least one colon incorrectly.”

Isnt that how this whole thing got started anyway? Incorrect use of colons??

*sigh* I’m going to miss our old friend Longman. Maybe Jesus’ General will pick him up. Some of Longman’s posts are every bit as funny as the General’s.

I was fortunate enough to read the original article. At one point, Longman refers to Dr. Dobson as “an ass-grabbing cum-gargler.” Later, he taunts the Doctor by sending his earnest hopes that “Santa Claus will bring you a rectal polyp that can only be cured at the cost of your favorite child’s eyesight.”

I thought this was a bit terse; but, otherwise, his grasp of the Colorado benefits bill and its collateral impact on the state budget was incisive and quite balanced.

OK, I’m lying.

Well…if his column wasn’t about leprechaun eggs, I can’t imagine wanting to read it.

Got to hand it to the cache, it knew exactly where to stop to get us to click. Too bad we can’t.

I am searching my data banks for something that resembles being too crazy for Renew America, and all I can come up with is Steven Adler being kicked out of Guns N Roses for being too fucked up.

Yeah, ou tricked us. Insulting James Dobson isn’t crazy; It’s actually pretty damn sane.

I had thought he’d done something truly amazing like favorably comparing Fred Phelps to Adolph Hitler and intimating that George W. Bush is really a cross-dressing prostitute.

You really should say he was fired for being to sane for Renew America.

“Sure, I’m no Adam Yoshida, but I’d love to be Sadly No’s token wingnut.”

I thought that job was taken by Dr. BLT?

Even though Mandy Longman has repeatedly threatened to sue us for defamation (bwahahahaha), we have a firm offer on the table for him to contribute to our site. Even if he refuses, we can “channel” him telepathically:

Sadly, between a percontation and interrogation, the
ancients made this distinction — that the former admitted a variety of answers, while the latter must be replied to by ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

I think she is really Brad, and he has infiltrated wingnuttia.

Please. I don’t look that hot in a tiger outfit.

Brad, neither does Kay,e

Oh, no! Now, we’ll never learn what to do if a nuke detonates about thirty yards away from you because, you know, it’s being utilized by Dick Cheney to hunt quail. Damn!

Crazy:
President ‘Just Fine’ With Cheney Explanation

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,185062,00.html

Best comment:

It’s like Keyes is just saying to the Renew America readership that Dobson’s rep is more important than them surviving a Nuclear Holocaust.

i’m back, and this time i’m really pissed!

Could someone just explain to me why Dobson is supporting what sounds suspiciously like some sort of equal-rights-for-fornicators bill?

I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation kicking around somewhere. Perhaps Focus on the Foetus is getting a cut of all this naughty government largesse for the bad, sinful people who can’t get married. or something. Or, maybe they’ve figured if these naughty, sinful-types can get some decent benefits, they might stop lobbying for full marriage rights. Yeah, I don’t believe they want to throw water on that fire either, so it beats me.

When wingers start criticizing Dobson for being too liberal, we have indeed fallen down the rabbit hole…

There are privileges that come with marriage? I’ve been robbed.

I smell a Trojan Horse.

(Or was that just Kaye firing a warning shot?)

Hey celticgirl- “Drink me”
Revelation 21:6

I thought that job was taken by Dr. BLT?

Mebbe, but I’m one of the few people on Earth prepared to defend the spirit of Longman’s piece on surviving a nuclear war. He was attempting – poorly, I’ll grant – to demystify a topic few people understand. I have a dilettante’s interest in the effects of a nuclear blast; it takes the edge off any uneasiness I might feel about this subject.

‘The media’ went from oversimplifying the consequences of nuclear war in the 1950s, by advising people that “duck and cover� could serve as protection; to over-dramatizing them in the 1980s with an assful of nuclear-themed disaster fiction.

And now, in the early 21st Century, a lot of people are especially concerned about the effects of a dirty bomb when, in reality, such a device isn’t a whole lot more deadly than a regular bomb. The unique danger of a dirty bomb is psychological, not physical.

If Longman were a better writer, he could have conveyed that message to his audience. I suspect regular readers of Renew America are more likely than the general population to obsess about dirty bombs or nuclear war.

OT, I made my weekly visit to LGF (and yes, I took my Dramamine first). Chucky posted an Onion article about Palestinians inviting every living Israeli to a summit. Funny stuff, but many of the minions couldn’t get themselves in on the joke, even though it was clearly posted as being from the Onion. Can we put something in their water to help them out? The flouride’s not cutting it.

“He was attempting – poorly, I’ll grant – to demystify a topic few people understand.”

“Poorly”? How’s that for understatement of the year. The guy’s piece was the longest I’ve ever seen brainlessness sustained.

“…to over-dramatizing them in the 1980s with an assful of nuclear-themed disaster fiction.”

And not just with fiction. Let’s remember Reagan’s fear-mongering at the time, shall we?

When I think of the shock and horror and sadness I felt on the morning of September 11th, 2001 — when I think about it really hard, I still don’t recall feeling as underoo-shittingly frightened as I did when I was a child in the 80s.

teh – I’m with you. I remember being a kid in middle school in the Maryland suburbs of DC, and one of my teachers telling my class that we really don’t have to worry if DC gets nuked. We were close enough to the city that we’d be instantaneously incinerated in the gigantic ball of flash fire.

That’s a fuck of a way to calm down a bunch of 6th graders.

“He was attempting – poorly, I’ll grant – to demystify a topic few people understand.”

Demystify?

The most ‘realistic’ scenario regarding nukes and terrorism is a dirty bomb, which, in almost NO way resembles the Soviet-style nuking he was puttering on about (Rule 1: Drive away from the blast).

A dirty bomb is basically a fertilzer bomb with radioactive debris embedded in it. It sucks, it’s ‘radioactive’ and scary as shit, but it ain’t a nuke.

It sounds like what he was really trying to do was conflate terror with the Day After.

“Poorly”? How’s that for understatement of the year. The guy’s piece was the longest I’ve ever seen brainlessness sustained.

I think you should be more charitable towards Longman: he’s not a talented wordsmith by any measure, but I’ve seen better writers out-due him in shear stupidity.

As proof, I submit exhibit A: every piece that appears on Fred Phelps’ website.

You’ll find exhibit B if you look up “Prairie Muffin Manifesto� on the internets. I especially like how the “prairie Muffins� – most of them are suburb-bound soccer moms – identify so strongly with their wagonering foremothers that they call themselves by a prairie slang term that means, “cow patty.�

But getting back to the topic of nuclear apocalypse, Reagan’s dire predictions are as nothing when compared to the terror Bush is trying to inspire. The Cold War had a definite end; this one won’t.

A dirty bomb is basically a fertilzer bomb with radioactive debris embedded in it. It sucks, it’s ‘radioactive’ and scary as shit, but it ain’t a nuke. It sounds like what he was really trying to do was conflate terror with the Day After.

This is a fair criticism, but I don’t think he was consciously trying to do that. In fact, I suspect he was trying for the opposite.

“he’s not a talented wordsmith by any measure, but I’ve seen better writers out-due him in shear stupidity.”

Doubtless that’s so, but remember the length of the piece? It was nearly a novella of wingnuttery.

“But getting back to the topic of nuclear apocalypse, Reagan’s dire predictions are as nothing when compared to the terror Bush is trying to inspire.”

No doubt, but the reason for the terror under Reagan was appreciably more understandable; not so under Bush.

Darn it! I was saving all this for Mr. Longman’s next post.

I was so inspired by Mr. Longman’s first installment that I had to do some more research on the nuclear flash blinding cows at 300 miles.

I knew an odd bit of trivia that line of sight for a man is about 6 miles–further than that the curvature of the earth blocks vision. So I suckered my mathemetician-husband to run the numbers, and he tells me that at 300 miles, a fireball would have to be at least 300 feet high to clear the horizon line.

A significant amount of Googling about the effects of nuclear blasts (for which I surely have landed on a watch list), I found that a 5 kiloton explosion can produce a fireball about 300 feet in diameter. Now, if it’s a surface explosion, only half of that distance (about) will go “up” so we need to cut the fireball radius in half.

So by my inexpert and inexperienced calculations, it would take at least a 20-kiloton explosion to produce a flash visible from 300 miles away. I wonder if anyone knows how big a 20 kiloton nuke? I mean, are we talking suitcase nuke? Steamer-trunk nuke? Or shipping container nuke?

The nuclear weapon that destroyed Hiroshima was about 20 kilotons. There are much larger modern-day weapons. I’m not sure how big a bomb you can squeeze into a suitcase, though.

Could someone just explain to me why Dobson is supporting what sounds suspiciously like some sort of equal-rights-for-fornicators bill?

I bet it has something to do with seniors. Generally, if a widowed senior on Soc Sec marries, he or she (usually the woman) loses the benefits of their deceased spouse. In California, it’s the reason they’ll register as Domestic Partners instead of marry, since it carries all the inheritance and visitation rights as marriage in this state, but is not recognized by the Feds. But in a state with no domestic partner laws, it looks like their trying to engineer a loophole – and Dobson is probably supporting it for the sake of his aging followers – which helps keep them sending *him* the extra cash, naturally. And presumably send Alan Keys the cash too.

As Deep Throat said, “follow the money”.

Sounds like Tom Hoefling is getting a bit slack.