Y’know What’d Make This Valentine’s Day Really Special? Not Having Sex!
If you asked me to describe The Day of Purity, the pro-abstinence holiday officially sponsored by Jerry Falwell’s buddies at the Liberty Council, I’d probably characterize it as a reverse version of Woodstock. In other words, it’s something we’ll all be proud to tell our children that we weren’t a part of:
This Valentine’s Day, young people throughout the nation and the world are taking a stand for sexual purity, self-respect, and voluntary sexual abstinence as the third annual “Day of Purity” takes place on Tuesday.
The Day of Purity, a project of the Florida-based pro-family organization Liberty Counsel, is an annual observance designed to encourage young people to remain sexually pure until marriage. Mathew Staver, president of Liberty Counsel, says the message of the special focus day and its related events run counter to the teen-targeted messages about sex that come from secular culture.
That’s right, daddy-o, today’s hip cats are rebelling against the cruel System that makes them have oral sex against their wills.
*BZT!* CLENIS-BOT COMMANDS YOU TO ORALLY COPULATE! *BZT!*
“Hey, man! Don’t listen to that anti-establishment square! Oral sex is a total drag, y’dig? War out, dudes! Don’t trust anyone under 75!”
The Day of Purity is “a day for youth to stand up for sexual purity, to go against MTV and the counter-culture that is suggesting that youth should engage in sexual activity early, often, and with many,” Staver explains. He believes the alternative message the Day of Purity offers is sorely needed in a culture in which more than three million American teens are infected with sexually transmitted diseases each year, and nearly one million teenage girls become pregnant each year.
You could also teach people about contraception and condoms. That seems to work well in all the commie Eurosissy countries that have lower teen pregnancy rates.
The head of Liberty Counsel contends that secular messages about sex are often damaging and dangerous, encouraging sexual experimentation and rebellion against parental standards. “In fact,” he notes, “one ninth-grade textbook tells students that testing their ability to function sexually and give pleasure to one another may be less threatening in your early teens with people of your own sex.”
As someone who’s never understood the appeal of circle jerks, I can’t really comment on this.
That book goes on to tell young people they may “come to the conclusion that growing up means rejecting the values of your parents,” Staver says.
You mean they’ll think for themselves and develop their own independent belief systems? Dear God, no!
However, he insists that the “information” coming from such books and from the Hollywood media “that early sex is desirable and happening frequently is absolutely wrong.”
Another important aspect of the Day of Purity, the Liberty Counsel spokesman points out, is letting youth and young adults know about the consequences of pornography, an influence that is not only harmful but also addictive. In a recent statement, the group cited some alarming statistics regarding child sexual abuse and minors involved in sexual behavior, relating these to the sex-saturated climate in which young people live today. “One explanation for these shocking statistics,” the statement noted, “is that we, as a nation, don’t convey the message to our youth that we value sexual purity.”
Because no children ever got molested back in the sexually pure Victorian era. Just ask Virginia Woolf.
Most young people know that the messages they are getting about sex from MTV, Hollywood and other secular media sources are wrong, Staver asserts. For those young people who want to take a stand for the truth, he says, the Day of Purity “gives them the opportunity to stand up, to dress in white or to wear the Day of Purity tee shirts and to stand for sexual purity.”
Yes, I’m sure teenage boys will be particularly keen on proclaiming their virginity to the world.
“Yeeeeeeah, boy-eeeeee! Sex iz wiggedy, wiggedy, wiggedy wack!”
Staver is urging those young people not already involved to visit DayofPurity.org for more information about the February 14 event, during which youth are encouraged to hand out flyers and wear clothing expressing pro-abstinence messages.
Cool. Now I have an excuse to wear my “Fornication is for Homos” t-shirt.
All kidding aside, though, I do think it’s tragic that so many of our youngsters must work so hard to avoid sexual temptation, especially when there’s a whole slew of people out there who desperately desire access to sex, but are unable to attain it for reasons of nerdiness. This is a classic example of market failure, where an open market system produces a suboptimal allocation of resources. Solving this problem, however, won’t require heavy-handed government interventions like abstinence-only education or strict censorship. No, this crisis can easily be resolved using the same techniques that we’re been using to successfully fight pollution. I’m talking, of course, about issuing tradable sex permits.
It works like this: once someone reaches the age of 18, they are issued a certain number of sex permits based on their level of attractiveness, which shall be determined by their aggregate score on Am I Hot Or Not.com. Each permit will good for one round of intercourse, which means that more attractive people will have more opportunities for sex, while less attractive people will have less opportunity for sex- just like in real life!
But the difference is that permits can be bought and sold on the open market. Therefore, attractive young religious activists who wish to stay sexually pure until marriage can sell their permits to the less visually appealing among us (see Exhibit A).
Exhibit A.
This results in a mutually beneficial transaction: nerds get their share of nookie, while young conservative Christians get extra money to spend on VeggieTales DVDs.
While this system would be undeniably preferable to today’s status quo, some people will balk at the idea of paying for permission to have sex. “Sex is a special act of intimacy between two people, or sometimes between a pervert and his potted plant!” they’ll claim. Such detractors can be safely dismissed as backward-thinking anti-capitalist zealots who insist on placing their own private beliefs and standards above socially efficient outcomes. When one encounters such disingenuous moralists, one should ask: are they really concerned with improving the sex lives of nerds, or are they more worried about maintaining their own feelings of smug moral superiority?
That never happens to me! 🙁
That never happens to me! 🙁
I know- I could so benefit from the tradeable sex permits.
The head of Liberty Counsel contends that secular messages about sex are often damaging and dangerous, encouraging sexual experimentation and rebellion against parental standards.
And yet…
Most young people know that the messages they are getting about sex from MTV, Hollywood and other secular media sources are wrong, Staver asserts.
OK, so, uh… what’s the problem, exactly?
Liberty Counsel counsels less liberty.
OK, so, uh… what’s the problem, exactly?
They don’t want people knowing that sex exists, I guess.
The majority opinion in U.S. v. Poontang states that providing knowledge of the existence of the procreative act constitutes an attractive nuisance and those providing such information to minors can be liable under the criminal negligence statutes in some states.
They don’t want people knowing that sex exists, I guess.
Yeah, well, I wish them good luck with that one. I figured it out when I was twelve, and back then I thought Valetines were about the candy.
And no, not that kind of candy.
“One explanation for these shocking statistics,” the statement noted, “is that we, as a nation, don’t convey the message to our youth that we value sexual purity.”
Yeah, saying that people who’ve had sexual contact are impure is really going to help people who’ve been sexually abused feel good. Right on.
I never got the whole “sexual culture leads to pedophelia” thing. I mean, look at Japan – a traditionally repressed culture – and check out some of the insanely perverted and perverse stuff they put out. As I said to my Japanese wife, American men may be obsessed with sex, but there is no English word for bukkake…
It’s beautiful how neatly this post dovetails with Roy’s latest. Tragically beautiful, like misspelled, misshapen conversation hearts or the New Hampshire quarter after the Old Man of the Mountain’s face fell.
Who’s the (honorary) black president
That’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
BILL!
Ya damn right!
That is the best “I’m so ready to have sex with something” Clinton picture I’ve ever seen.
I really want one of those Junior Anti-Sex League T-shirts.
GuinnessGuy – agreed.
I’m totally straight, but I’d so do Clinton if he gave me a look like that.
Sorry, forgot to close my tag.
“In fact,” he notes, “one ninth-grade textbook tells students that testing their ability to function sexually and give pleasure to one another may be less threatening in your early teens with people of your own sex.”
I wanna see this book. I want a name. I want a publisher. I want a list of schools that use this textbook.
The minute this guy uttered this nonsense, someone shoulda slapped him. Just *whap* and a dirty look.
Indeed- he reminds me of Elvis in that picture. It’s like he’s saying “I know you want some of this, baby… come and get it.”
In a recent statement, the group cited some alarming statistics regarding child sexual abuse and minors involved in sexual behavior, relating these to the sex-saturated climate in which young people live today. “One explanation for these shocking statistics,” the statement noted, “is that we, as a nation, don’t convey the message to our youth that we value sexual purity.”
Because wherever there is illusory correlation to conflate with causation, we’ll be there! We’re…
Jesus-Teen Asexual Force™!!!
You know, I was already feeling down about not getting any on Valentine’s Day, but now I find I’ve played right into the hands of the Liberty Council?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
What does Marie Jon’ think of this?
Yeah–daisy chains are way more fun.
Ooh! That reminds me…. Um, I’ll be back later.
[door slams]
[tires squeal, sound of car accelerating away]
So children are being sexual abused because of the youth culture? You listen to Britney Spears, you get molested. Nice message.
maybe this motivated their actions…
Marq! Come back! It’s the Day of Purity, man, get a grip on yourself…
Uh, come to think of it, that’s a good way to maintain your purity.
I think you have solved for me the question of what happened to Elvis Presley. After extensive plastic surgery he resurfaced as Bill Clinton.
So I spent this Valentine’s Day celibate again (unless my hand counts as a partner.) But I did it for abstinence! Yeah, that’s it. Good ol’ abstinence.
I abstained all over my Kleenex.
Right now, the only thing holding me back is the knowledge that he had sexual contact with Monica Lewinski. Otherwise, that “come and do me” look makes me totally want to go and do him. It’s kind of scary.
From the looks of him, Jerry Falwell never abstained from anything!
But that look from Bill….. oh, my! {fans self}
Matt T., what do you want to bet that the book (assuming it exists) is offering an answer in a Q and A format, with the question being, “I’ve heard about ‘circle jerks’ and stuff like that. Would guys really do that if they’re not gay?”
“but there is no English word for bukkake…”
Ah, but there is an enlgish phrase…try ‘cum slut’…
Too late! I am… impure.
In other words, it’s something we’ll all be proud to tell our children that we weren’t a part of:
And by not participating, we’ll ensure that we have children to tell about it.
And the Liberty COuncil actually enhances your liberty because, uh, by not having sex, ummm…, you’re exercising your liberty to practice self-denial. Yeah, that’s it!
you’re exercising your liberty to practice self-denial.
Precisely, you’re free to *not* have sex however you want. Beautiful really…
Well, that’s how it works for you breeders. I have to say that if any children result from any sex I’m involved in, nobody’s gonna be more surprised than I am! That’s really one of the built-in beauties of teh ghey–no kids.
Tradeable sex permits! Yes!!!!! I’m gonna start saving up now!
Mike Furir Mike 733
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