Dark Secrets About Uncle Walter
Posted on July 27th, 2009 by Tintin
Shorter Tim Graham, NewsBlusters
Protesters Win: How the Gay Left Went Breaking and Entering Into Cronkite’s Heart
- Wanna know something awful? Walter Cronkite was a fag lover. Wanna know something worse? Cronkite was turned into a fag lover by some little homo that pulled a stunt on Cronkite’s show. Now what do you think would have happened if a conservative pulled such a stunt?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
After the guy did his super murderous ultra gay cha cha in front of Cronkite and ruined the news for-EVER for all the loyal readers of Readers’ Digest Condensed Books and Highlights, this happened at the trial:
See? They had gay buttsecks right there in the courtroom. Don’t you think that’s what was meant by all them numbers?
Imagine if someone had run onto Cronkite’s show in 1973 to warn him about the fake Kenyan-Indonesian smuggled into Hawaii to inevitably become the first black Muslim President insistent upon imposing Shangri-law.
Cronkite was turned into a fag lover by some little homo that pulled a stunt on Cronkite’s show.
No wonder teh NOOOSbustahs are so afraid of Bruno.
Sangria Law – Yummy!
At least this time the wingnut included the whole text that completely disproves his point, instead of making the reader click through a link to find out he’s an idiot.
How dare the EmEssEm decide to report on a gay rights movement that can field 50,000 marchers in one protest?!
How dare the EmEssEm decide not to report on a teabagging movement that can field 23 marchers in one protest?!
Tintin is objectively pro-anti chipmunk face.
The M$M just wants to sit back and let the illegitimate imposter impose Savonarolaw and soon all of you will be denouncing papist corruption.
For the record, I did not know Brent Bozell had cotton swabs for balls.
We, um, we did.
^Our real name. FYWP.
“Now what do you think would have happened if a conservative pulled such a stunt?”
The con would have shot Walter on the air and become a wingnut hero because of the ensuing liberal media’s condemnation of his actions?
Lemme see if I get this, um, straight:
Segal makes a logical argument with respect to the newsworthiness of events, manufactured or not, Cronkite agrees, yet somehow he’s being secretly indoctrinated into promoting the gay agenda????
I thought that title was a snarky “shorter”. Then I visited the link.
Segal’s attorney forced Cronkite to testify at trial by threatening to get Hell’s Angels to serve a subpoena to the storied anchorman.
Wait, what? He just drops that nugget in there and ignores it?
Imagine if someone had run onto Cronkite’s show in 1973 to warn him about the fake Kenyan-Indonesian smuggled into Hawaii to inevitably become the first black Muslim President insistent upon imposing Shangri-law.
Kismet! Quick!
I was wondering how long it would take them to start trashing Cronkite.
I like the use of the phrase “gay left”, as if it’s not enough to simply identify Segal as a gay rights protester. Thank you, Mr. Graham, for crediting the “left” with the idea that homosexuality should not be a crime. We plan to reap electoral benefits from this for many years to come, and when we do, I’ll do what I can to make sure you get your share of the credit.
Um, let’s see, ah, yep, that’s about it.
Logical reasoned arguments, part of the ‘homosex agenda’
I was wondering how long it would take them to start trashing Cronkite.
I wasn’t. A lot of Republican pundits believe in the Fred Phelps School of Publicity Hounding — pick a recent dead celebrity — the more beloved, the better — and proclaim them the Most Evil Person Ever.
I wasn’t. A lot of Republican pundits believe in the Fred Phelps School of Publicity Hounding — pick a recent dead celebrity — the more beloved, the better — and proclaim them the Most Evil Person Ever.
True, though I’d expected them to at least pull a Jonah Goldberg and start out with “Now I don’t really believe in attacking the recently dead, but–” …and then go on to attack the recently dead.
Also, I don’t know where Hitchens falls on the right-left spectrum–assuming he falls anywhere*–but at last half of his career seems to have been based on the same approach.
*There’s a great joke opportunity somewhere in here for anyone who has had more caffeine than I have this morning.
Bad graphic. Tim Graham is definitely a Theo, not an Alvin. I expect more diligence out of S,N!
From the comments, puredmashie:
“as a practicing happy person, i strive to find the silver lining in every cloud. as a lifelong resident of central new york i’ve had plenty of clouds, but my attitude remains but the use of the term “gay” to mean anything other than a happy, optimistic person like myself is an offense i feel at my very core.
the proper term is fag.”
J Neo Marvin said,
I was wondering how long it would take them to start trashing Cronkite.
It didn’t even take that long:
http://docweasel.wordpress.com/2009/07/19/fuck-cronkite-im-glad-hes-dead-and-may-he-burn-in-hell/
Also from the comments:
Oh that is just Fabulousssssssssssss. All a pervert hasssss to do issss break into a sssssssstudio, cause trouble, have a threatning lawyer, and presssssssto, you have underssssssssstanding and love for degenerate behavior.
Somebody’s confusing gay people with magic talking snakes.
Is everyone kidding? The right hated Cronkite and CBS ever since Cronkite denounced the massive government lying about the U.S. war on Vietnam prompted by the Tet Offensive.
Yeah, read the comments. When pieces like this run, it’s like a Viking or something stands on a cliff and blows into a ram’s horn (“shofer”) and all the Troopz of Teh Stoopid drop their primitive gardening utensils and their rocks and their dicks and run, RUN, to answer the call.
They amass in the Comments section and shake their fists and shout agreement, until one of them says, “Hey, wait a minute. What happened to my dick?” Then they all look at their hands and realize that, indeed, they are no longer holding their dicks. Then a vast disquiet spreads among the throng, mounting (I’m making this up as I go along; can you tell?) mounting in panic and creating a terrible din, until someone looks down and remembers that his dick is MAGICALLY ATTACHED TO HIS BODY. He points this out, everyone sighs with relief and cheers, and they all go back to what they were doing.
This is true for the women, too. Don’t ask.
Somebody’s confusing gay people with magic talking snakes.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was about anal sex, of course. Snakes in tunnels and swords in hats. I mean, the Sorting Hat originally belonged to Godric Gryffindor, so pulling a big sword out of it just has to be gay. And the Basilisk was Salazar Slytherin’s (and I think the underground passage/lair was too). So basically, the whole thing is about rough sex between the two male Hogwarts founders.
I think other people pulled this theory out of their arsehole with more flair than me.
it’s like a Viking or something stands on a cliff and blows into a ram’s horn (”shofer”)
No, dats de Jooish horn, ve call ours da “Blowing Horn” (blåser), jah.
as a practicing happy person, i strive to find the silver lining in every cloud. as a lifelong resident of central new york i’ve had plenty of clouds, but my attitude remains but the use of the term “gay” to mean anything other than a happy, optimistic person like myself is an offense i feel at my very core.
Wow. 1968 came hurtling through the ether and landed on the comments page.
And why eschew capital letters but still use commas and periods? Also.
And why eschew capital letters but still use commas and periods? Also.
emulating e e cummings, i guess.
“Went Breaking and Entering Into Cronkite’s Heart”? That’s a very… romantic way of putting it, Tim.
Well then strap me down, lube me up & let me redecorate your bungalow in a range of warm comforting earth-tones!
Sounds like I’m gonna have to change my middle name to Liberace & start flouncing – because so far these pesky synapses just seem to have a life of their own, & I don’t do enough drugs or booze to make them shut down OR shut up.
Yo, Birthers, get out the road! This is how you do crazy.
Sounds like I’m gonna have to change my middle name to Liberace & start flouncing
I honestly once thought that Liberace was straight. I always figured nobody’s that gay!
Sangria Law – Yummy!
You know who wants to impose Sangria Law??!!?!
THE FRUITS@!!@!!!
I’m taking a “Wingnut” course at Berlitz. They don’t offer a “Business Wingnut” course, ‘cos wingnuts generally don’t hold down good jobs.
I can’t be the only one who thinks Graham looks like John Wayne Gacy’s brother from another mother.
The photoshop possibilities are endless.
The M$M just wants to sit back and let the illegitimate imposter impose Savonarolaw and soon all of you will be denouncing papist corruption.
I’m totally in if I get a couple nice chairs out of the deal.
straw man: YES! i heard sir hiss’s voice in my mind while reading that.
I just like that what was intended to be a mincing lisp has been transformed into an evil serpent voice talking about its evil plans for love of degenerate behavior. Not actual degenerate behavior–Just the understanding and love of it.
Dark massssster, I would never do ssssssomething like that but I undersssssstand why you did and I have to ssssssssay that was pretty awessssssssome. (Slithers away.)
Tips For Conversatives: Why would you put on a big fag voice to come right out and say gay people are degenerate perverts? Oh. My. Gawd. What I do I is THSO against Our Lord God’th wisthesth! ICKYYYY! This misstep makes it sound like YOUR side is the big gay side! No, no, no!
Man, I hate to give these guys a click, but the comments totally rock. if you haven’t been there yet, tout suite!
Straw: Were they trying to lisp, or just saying “ass” a lot? Hard to tell; I was kind of blinded by teh stupid.
wait, Liberace was gay?!!?!!?!? In VEGAS?!???!!???
What an odd little piece the original is. Yet again, we live in completely different worlds. I guess Uncle Walter caught some gay cooties or something? My favorite commenter over there is the one who bemoans that “gay” has been sullied, and “the proper term is fag.”
The word “gay” in relation to persons of the homosexual persuasion goes back to the 1930’s at least. Possibly even older than that, but I do know there’s a scene in the 1938 film “Bringing Up Baby” where Cary Grant is caught wearing a woman’s bathrobe. When asked why he’s wearing it, he replies sarcastically, “Because I just WENT GAY all of a sudden!”
I’m not sure I want to read the comments after that thing. There’s only so much stupid I can handle in a day.
They were sort of in a glide pattern already, I was checking out the Apollo YouTubes the week before, and saw a really rabid comment on Crankcase’s Apollo 13 clip. It was cute seeing a YouTubeNoob responding with a “the hell?”
Of course, it is unfair. Cronkite went all out to cover up the Moon Hoax, but would he listen to their story about how My Lai was just a world-class game of Hide-And-Seek?
Walter Crankcase. Huntley and Blinkley. hee.
ABC in the 60s. hee hee hee
So if a pro-life protester had broken onto Cronkite’s set, the fair-minded, neutral and unbiased journalist would have started airing the other side to the “abortion is a God-given right, envisioned as such by the founding fathers”?
I’m sure Cronkite did welcome the opening to spread more leftist propaganda, whatever the real reason. Gays were and are the left’s political allies, so pandering to them would be the natural thing to do. Please spare me the “what a great man” he was and how he “grew in office”. He was a dyed in the wool socialist and far-left leaning propagandist, and he spread leftist propaganda. What’s the point of this entire anecdote? The leftist spreading his lefty allies’ message. Dog bites man.
Uncle Walter once touched me in my special place.
By “special place,” of course, I mean my brain. Fortunately, it didn’t leave a trace. Tho to be honest, it’d take a sledgehammer to make a dent in my ossified grey matter.
Gays were and are the left’s political allies…
Please spread this as widely as possible. We need the votes.
Also, before I forget, “Hispanics were and are the left’s political allies,” “Black people were and are the left’s political allies,” and “Women were and are the left’s political allies” are pretty good too. Please be sure to repeat those ones as often as possible. Thanks!
So if a pro-life protester had broken onto Cronkite’s set, the fair-minded, neutral and unbiased journalist would have started airing the other side to the “abortion is a God-given right, envisioned as such by the founding fathers”?
Your analogy is specious. The gay protestor was talking about covering rallies larger and therefore more newsworthy than the ones CBS had been covering.
If an anti-abortionist had made that point, if he even could, Cronkite would have done what he always did: report the news.
re: steveb
black people and women are the left’s political allies? funny you should mention that:
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2009/07/26/nr.comrade.in.arms.cnn
less and less, it seems. keep digging, Obambi!
“Obambi”. The clever never stops with the racist right.
African-Americans vote in a massive bloc for Democratic candidates largely because they recognize that the other party has little but contempt for them and the leaders within their communities. Women vote overwhelmingly for Democratic candidates because they recognize that the other party has no respect for their right to self-determination. Conservatives have led the fight against equality between the sexes every step of the way. One anecdotal story on CNN doesn’t change these facts.
If you would like to avoid being lumped in with the irrational racist right, then maybe you should try to do something constructive about the health care crisis in which this country has been embroiled for the last 20 years. But then, that would require actual thought and consideration. It’s so much easier to sit back and call the President names.
Ooh, we have a troll-and he’s brought some straw men for us to play with!
is this anecdotal?
http://www.zogby.com/news/ReadNews.cfm?ID=1726
try this one on for size:
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/obama_administration/daily_presidential_tracking_poll
“health care” isn’t about health. It’s about the same thing “cap and trade” is about. Its a naked power grab and excuse to massively expand the government intrusion into every facet of people’s lives. It’s about having more spoils to give out to BRIBE those constituencies you speak of, just as TARP was. The huge stimulus package was nothing but a political payoff, and it’s failing spectacularly.
Dems are riding high right now, but almost every news story is bad for them. If you don’t think the pendulum will swing back you are a fool. In 2004, more women voted for Bush than for Kerry. Obama is an aberation, a combination of the press beating up on Bush and the GOP, not revealing truths about Obama and the natural swing of power in politics. He is self-destructing in spectacular fashion, when a simple feint to the center, ala Clinton, would help him immensely, the far left has too strong a hold on his nuts to allow him to do so. Or, he’s just not really that good a politician after all and it took reality to prove that, after the fantasy campaign.
Governing is hard. Bush was good at. Obama, not so much.
Yes, Bush was really good at governing.
hermes ????