Chucky’s Cheesy Column
Hold on to your seats, folks, ’cause Chuck Baldwin’s penned yet another masterpiece:
[Gavin adds: Wait, let’s fix that picture first. This time let’s put Chuck in the Bogotá Gay Parade:]
Whatever happened to masculinity?
Chuck Baldwin
January 27, 2006The recent Hollywood infatuation with homosexuality is only the latest example of how true American manhood is being systematically dismantled.
I agree. We should fight back by distributing a nudie calender featuring all of Renew America’s hottest male writers:
Hm, on second thought…
Throughout our culture, masculinity is de-emphasized, even scorned.
Well, if these guys are its standard bearers, you can kinda see why:
I well remember how Ronald Reagan was castigated as being “too masculine.” Truly, Reagan was the last masculine president America has had (and maybe will have).
“For in the year 2015, a group of dissident feminist cyborgs will usurp the federal government and pass a constitutional amendment barring testicles in the Oval Office.”
Can you imagine what today’s generation of soft Americans would think of Harry Truman or Theodore Roosevelt?
Harry Truman was a wimpy New Deal Democrat who strongly back organized labor and vetoed the Taft-Hartley Act. Teddy Roosevelt was a tree-hugging pansy who established America’s national park system.
By masculine, I mean a man who not only demonstrates the physical qualities of ruggedness but who also possesses inner toughness. A man who says what he means and means what he says. A man who recognizes the importance of honesty. A man of noble principle. A man without covetousness. A man who cannot be bribed or bullied. A man committed to manly virtues.
“A man with strong, rippling pecks and hard-tight buttocks! A man who will tuck me in at night and say, ‘Chucky, I just can’t quit you, woman!'”
A man who is the head of his home and knows how to control and discipline his children. A man who loves justice but also knows tenderness and mercy. A man who fears God and shows reverence for the sacred. A man who knows the difference between the rule of law and the lust for power. On the whole, our society today has little tolerance for such men.
Mostly because they don’t exist in real life.
Even in our churches, masculinity is dying.
And as you all know, the name “Jesus Christ” was actually ancient Hebrew for “Deadly-Rambo-Hell-Beast.”
It seems that most Christian schools and church Sunday Schools (and probably Christian homes) are controlled and dominated by women. Now, please don’t misunderstand me. There is certainly nothing wrong with women working and serving in the Lord’s vineyard. I can’t imagine where we would be without the sacrificial and tireless efforts of the countless thousands of dedicated Christian women found in virtually all of our ministries. However, except for rare examples, women are not capable of inculcating manliness into young boys. This is truly man’s work.
OK, that just sounds outright NAMBLA-esque.
The overexposure of young boys to women leaders is taking a serious toll on their masculinity. Think about it: it is not uncommon for a young boy to never know a male teacher or principal until reaching high school, and even then, male teachers are egregiously outnumbered by their female counterparts. In some schools, the ratio is 10 to 1. If a boy does not grow up with his father in the home, the problem is only exacerbated.
Indeed. Why, he might even grow up thinking women are intelligent and that he should listen to what they have to say! And once he starts actually conversing with girls (rather than just banging them and falling asleep), it’ll be too late to save him: he’ll be driving West on Pansy Avenue, getting ready to merge with Homo Nup Boulevard.
Take a stroll down the hallways of most high schools, including most Christian high schools. What do you see? Soft, effeminate boys!
Most Christian schools do not even provide masculine sports such as football, wrestling, or boxing. Beyond that, boys are constantly taught to submit to feminine leadership. Independence and assertiveness are considered evil, when in fact, any man worth his salt must, by definition, be a man of independence and strength.
I see this constantly in gospel music. Many of today’s popular Christian entertainers (and that’s all many of them are) are markedly soft and effeminate in appearance, voice, mannerisms, and actions. Believe it or not, it did not used to be this way.
Yep, most Christian songs used to be about beatin’ up sissies and bangin’ hot chicks. But alas, not anymore.
There was a time in America when society as a whole expected men to be masculine. Boys were taught physical, emotional, and spiritual toughness. They played “rough” games. They were taught how to defend themselves and others. At the same time, they were taught rules of etiquette, polite manners, and proper speech. They knew the meaning of the word “gentleman.” Manhood had more to do with how well he behaved, not how well he cussed.
You mean swearing won’t make me more manly? Fuckin’ hell! What do I have to do to get a penis, then, Chuck?
That Hollywood is continuing to pollute our culture with its incessant promotion of movies which praise and promote the homosexual lifestyle is one more nail in the coffin of American decency and manhood. But Hollywood is not the only culprit. America’s politicians, business leaders, and even church leaders are all contributing to the problem!
So Chuck’s message to American church leaders basically amounts to: “Y’all’s actin’ like fags.”
It is unclear whether America will be able to rebound from this anti-masculinity political correctness that currently permeates our culture. However, one thing is clear: true masculinity is fast disappearing from the American landscape, and as it vanishes, so does one of the significant attributes that helped build this nation.
There is yet one more uncertainty: how long can America survive without it?
I dunno. We could grow boobs, couldn’t we?
…except for rare examples, women are not capable of inculcating manliness into young boys. This is truly man’s work.
you have to be kidding me. he did NOT write that! brad admit it. you made that up. he CANNOT have written that in an article about how we’re turning “real masculinity” over to gayness. no effin’ way.
ps the israeli rambo thing was sweet.
and by “anonymous” i mean “a.j.”
By masculine, I mean a man who not only demonstrates the physical qualities of ruggedness but who also possesses inner toughness.
Presumably, he’s talking about C-Plus Augustus here, a guy who repeats “stay the course” with the discipline of the busted-but-manly Yul Brenner robot from Westworld.
Actually, Bush does remind me of a fighter pilot — Jed Porkins, the fat bearded X-wing fighter from Star Wars who keeps repeating “Stay on target … stay on target” until he gets blown to smithereens.
As far as his point about Christians, let’s remember what a man’s man Jesus was. Have you ever seen a picture of that guy on the cross? Killer abs.
I dunno brad, that second guy looks like a “big bear” of a manly man.
Sure as hell nothing gay about that!
Teddy Roosevelt was a tree-hugging pansy who established America’s national park system.
That made me crack the fuck up. Thanks!
AJ- I swear, I don’t fabricate any of this shit. Check the link yourself if you don’t believe me.
I dunno. We could grow boobs, couldn’t we?
I have a feeling some of the renew america writers are way ahead of you on that one.
Did you know that Roosevelt once threatened to ban football, just because a lot of players were being disabled or killed? What a wuss!
It’s hard to believe, but the third guy from the left in that lineup actually wrote a column in which he defended “Brokeback Mountain” and supported gay marriage! Does this mean that even Renew America is withering under the ceaseless assault of the gay agenda?
if i was gonna write a satirical essay making fun of homophobes, i don’t think i could do better than the phrase “inculcating manliness into young boys”. these guys just do all the work for you, huh?
that guy may be a little closer to sane than the rest of them but he still looks soft and feminine. and i wouldn’t trust him to have my back in a manly bar fight.
maybe in a gay bar fight.
shit! sorry JK. i typed in your name instead of mine cause i was responding to your post. my bad.
Truly, Reagan was the last masculine president America has had (and maybe will have).
Okay, as a youngin’ who was basically born into the Reagan administration, maybe I missed the masculine stage in all the jelly bean eating and calling his wife “Mommy”. Besides, (and I apologize if this seems masoginistic,) but Clinton was banging chicks in office while smoking a cigar! What does he have to do to be “manly”? Be eating a steak at the same time while watching First Blood as he’s banging a chick and smoking a cigar? That doesn’t even sound farfetched.
Also, what “good old days” is this drawing from? I mean, nuns with rulers and “school marms” seem to be the typical old-timey descriptions of teachers. Obviously, that wasn’t too emasculating, otherwise they wouldn’t have sung their hard-drinking gospel tunes and beat the fear of father and Christ – in that order – into their children.
I dunno. We could grow boobs, couldn’t we?
You may be right Timmah, but I don’t think Brad was saggy unattractive manboobs! (Sorry about the visual!)
Clinton was banging chicks in office while smoking a cigar!
uum, i don’t think he was using that cigar for smoking…
Naw, it was Monica that did the “smokin”
:rimshot:
Countless thousands! That made me laugh like a girl!
Aw man, I wish I’d found this first. I bow before you, but not the way that the wingnuts want me to.
Carey Roberts, he pulls them honeys.
There’s something about a toothless man . . .
As parody, Chuck’s schtick is waaay waaay over the top and entirely unbelievable. As reality, Chuck is purely frightening. Please tell us that Chuck is joking. We need to sleep at night.
I’ll assume that you people are just fucking with us, and leave it at that.
This reminds me of this old freeper post about being a Retrosexual and proud of it.
“A man who says what he means and means what he says. A man who recognizes the importance of honesty. A man of noble principle. A man without covetousness. A man who cannot be bribed or bullied. A man committed to manly virtues…
“A man who is the head of his home and knows how to control and discipline his children. A man who loves justice but also knows tenderness and mercy. A man who fears God and shows reverence for the sacred. A man who knows the difference between the rule of law and the lust for power.”
Am I the only one who notices not a single solitary one of these qualities belong to the great and magnificent George W?
What a maroon.
Take a stroll down the hallways of most high schools, including most Christian high schools. What do you see? Soft, effeminate boys!
Nope. Didn’t see that at my high school. Of course that was between 1994 and 1998; and this is 2006, but still! And the first male teacher my classmates and I had was in…wait for it…in kindergarten/first grade! He was the music teacher.
Most Christian schools do not even provide masculine sports such as football, wrestling, or boxing.
My “godless” public school didn’t offer any of that stuff, either. Why? Because it was so freakin’ tiny!
Again, what a maroon.
GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! *furiously scrubbing brain with bleach*
NUDE CALENDAR?! CAREY ROBERTS?!
GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
*shakes fist*
Damn you Brad, damn you to hell!
Gaah!
Well! That would certainly put my sex-drive into a coma for a good, long while. It might create lesbians, though.
Hmm. That “soft, effeminate” boy you put a picture of up… I dunno. He doesn’t look very Christian to me!
Oh, and BTW, Brad, hon, while Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers, the short word for a man’s pectoral muscles is “pecs.”
See, this…this is funny:
“A man with strong, rippling pecks and hard-tight buttocks! A man who will tuck me in at night and say, ‘Chucky, I just can’t quit you, woman!'”
That made me laugh most hardily, and I am much obliged. But this…this creeped me the hell out.
However, except for rare examples, women are not capable of inculcating manliness into young boys. This is truly man’s work.
That’s the creepiest goddamn thing I’ve heard since Smilin’ Jimmy Dobson recommended Dad showing his throbbing, tumulescent member to Little Johnny whilest they were both in the show. Ya know, I was raised by fundies, and I don’t remember there being this much “injecting manliness into young boys” and generational dick-measuring contests. Things must’ve really changed, man.
People, people. Relaaaaaaax!
He was just posting this on HanniDate under the name BaldCharlene32651, but he forgot to do his homework for RenewAmerica.us due to an all-night Cinemax and Zima bender.
Thus, his personal ad was submitted instead, with the minor editorial changes of “I want” becoming “I mean” and “I” becoming the standard placeholder “America.”
It all makes sense…the poor guy just needs some satisfaction. What invisible friend wants to give it to him (in all senses of the phrase)?
In Papau-New Guinea, the native people believe that a boy cannot become a man without ingesting semen.
Hysterical Woman: Really?!
They say that environmental pollution, in this case waste, leads to higher levels of estrogen in the environment. So maybe it’s pollution that’s the problem. Of course, wingnuts are against stopping pollution. How ironic that would be.
Goddam…they’re sacrificing women in the Lord’s vineyard. Who knew?
I’m confused. Isn’t raising children “the woman’s job”? Isn’t teaching a “sissy job”? I thought men were supposed to be on the job, digging dirt down at the dirt factory. Men are now supposed to do masculine activities such as lesson planning and “inculcating”?
yeah, God forbid Christians should worship a savior who let himself be meekly beaten and nailed to a tree to die. Apparently the “lamb of God” is a wuss not fit for Christian males…
“Truly, Reagan was the last masculine president America has had ”
So Chuck doesn’t think much of George Bush?
I certainly don’t “remember well” that Reagan was said to be too masculine. What on earth is he remembering?
i It seems that most Christian schools and church Sunday Schools (and probably Christian homes) are controlled and dominated by women.
Damn those Feminazis!
You know what I found interesting? His unspoken but subtly emphasized point that hanging around women makes boys gay, but hanging around men doesn’t.
It’s like he’s saying, “hang around women and you’ll learn to despise and disdain them and you’ll never want to touch one.”
The problem with this country is that all the wrong people are in therapy.
And yet, somehow, hanging around men tends to make me horny. Go figure.
As I recall, Clinton was eating a pizza while banging chicks in the Oval Office.
That seems fairly manly to me.
Most Christian schools do not even provide masculine sports such as football, wrestling, or boxing.
Ok, fess up! The General wrote this, right?
I can see him drooling as he types “soft, effeminate boys.”
Chris, you beat me to it. As I was reading this, I kept thinking that The General could have written the same letter himself.
Oh yes, and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, more pictures of those Japanese lesbians, please.
I don’t remember Jesus being all that masculine, to be honest. Kinda looks androgynous, doesn’t he?
My solution to this problem is to make every man eat a bloody steak for every female he’s been around. And maybe give them some Hustler and Playboy magazines, because you can never be too young to learn that wemmins is objects! And hunting trips! Don’t forget the hunting trip, with a big, spacious tent, some rifles, cozy sleeping bags…
… maybe a little Vaseline…
xrnapojgu rlpxyxoua
Chuck Baldwin is ridiculous. He has a history of misrepresenting his true alliances. Someone needs to ask Mr. Baldwin why there was once the image of a confederate flag flying above his picture on his website, along with a link to a sermon by a minister with white supremacist ties, but now that he is running for President… those links and images are gone. Hmmmm, whatcha’ hidin’ Chuck?