Please Make The Voices Stop
chat, pirouette, battement tendu, and a tours en l’air.”
Jay Nerdlinger, the nelliest Cornerite, leads a difficult life in Upper Manhattan. It’s not just difficult for Jay to pretend to be butch at all those NRO staff meetings even though he’s a bachelor music critic in his forties. Even more difficult for him is finding what he calls a “safe zone.” Now what he means by a “safe zone” is not what you and I and most other people would call a “safe zone.” Jay doesn’t mean a place where Chinese restaurants don’t shove hundreds of menus under your apartment door on a nightly basis. Nor is a “safe zone” a place where your car won’t get broken into.
No, Jay’s idea of a “safe zone” is a place where there are no liberals or, alternatively, where there are some liberals but only ones that have their lips glued together with some permanent adhesive that renders them unable to talk and, therefore, unable to disturb Jay’s equanimity by expressing a liberal opinion in his presence.
You may remember that, last winter, I went on and on about “safe zones” — zones free of politics. I was concentrating on concert halls, where anti-Bush and pro-Obama comments were being made all the time. I mean, from the stage. Concert halls were some of the least safe zones in America — at least as I experienced them, here in New York.
If concert halls for classical music have more liberals opening their mouths then, say, Planned Parenthood Clinics, ACLU meetings, Ivy League campuses, or Upper West Side cocktail parties, then there must be some serious shit going down at Lincoln Center I suppose that now they’ve renamed Tchaikovsky’s Sixth Symphony (“The Pathetique“) to Tchaikovsky’s “George Bush is Pathetic” Symphony. The Met must be doing “The Gay Marriage of Figaro.” Sopranos in Alice Tully Hall are apparently singing Schubert lieder to words taken from Obama’s speeches.
Er, not so much:
Anyway, I have another “safe zone” note. … For their summer concerts, the New York Philharmonic has a conductor named Bramwell Tovey. British. Debonair. Charming. Does a lot of talking from the stage. … Tovey always presides over the Fourth of July concert. … This year — last week — he made an anti-Bush, pro-Obama comment. He did this by implication, but his meaning was unmistakably clear. Naturally, the audience cheered, and so did some members of the orchestra. …
So, what did Tovey say, exactly?
You might want to be sitting down before reading the actual quote, because, even to a flaming homoliberalfascist and proto-Marxist Maoist supporter of universal health care such as myself, it is probably the most scandalous calumny ever uttered against Bush from a concert podium or from anywhere else for that matter.
He said that, with Obama in office, Anglo-American relations are going swimmingly, and “we are very pleased.”
Jay has truly gone round the bend when a positive remark about Obama is, by implication, a vile slur against Bush. I suppose by implication its also a vile slur against Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton and every other former President, including George Washington, FDR and Millard Fillmore.
Don’t be surprised if we later learn that Nerdlinger has been writing to Mayor Bloomberg to complain about the unwarranted political slander that the stop sign at the end of Nerdlinger’s block is heaping on former President Bush, not to mention the unnecessary pro-Obama bias of the round, O-shaped wheels on city-owned vehicles.
Just want to thank the commentariat for the kind words last evening. I would have said so last night but the Laguvullun got to me.
RED! THOSE STOP SIGNS ARE RED!!! YOU KNOW COMMUNISM IS “RED”! WHY DOES THE D.O.T. ALLOW SUCH SHAMELESS STATIST COLLECTIVIST PROPAGANDA ON LITERALLY EVERY STREET CORNER.
BTW, Peej, condolences again.
Talk about bad positioning in comments. 🙂
[TRIGGER WARNING – FOLLOWING TEXT MAY CONTAIN MESSAGES THAT WILL CAUSE JAY NORDLINGER TO CONFRONT HOW MASSIVE A FUCK-UP THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WAS]
PENIS.
How dare foreigners come here and goodmouth the president!
I wonder if, when Nordlinger hears his minister say “Praise be to Jesus” he naturally assumes that Obama’s name is implied.
My Caps Lock hurts.
Peej, so sorry about your dog. We just lost our 20 year old Siamese, so I empathize. (Which I believe now disqualifies me to serve on the Supreme Court. Well, that and not being a lawyer…)
The original “give me space” article here. Funniest bit, to me at least, were the statements that liberals are just going along with the herd, smack in the middle of letter after letter from conservatives writing in how they couldn’t agree more.
So I suppose he hasn’t seen this…
Obama Apologizes
The Met must be doing “The Gay Marriage of Figaro.”
.
..
…
Actually, that gave me a great idea. I wonder if it’s too late to jump on the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies bandwagon?
When did Richard Simmons go bald?
Actually, that gave me a great idea. I wonder if it’s too late to jump on the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies bandwagon?
It was too late for that back in 1813.
I wonder if it’s too late to jump on the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies bandwagon?
“Brains. Brains, I say. Brains, if you would, kind sir.”
Shouldn’t the program read:
The Marriage of Fagaro
The Erotica Symphony
Cosi fan bootie
Obama mobile
The 2012 Overture
Thus Sprach Sarah Palin (a modernist work, for balance)
…and just for Nordlinger:
Orfeo ed You’re a Dick
I went on and on about “safe zones” — zones free of politics.
Funny, he seems to so fanatical about these safe zones, yet he picks up a welfare check from the National Review, probably the unsafest zone in the history of zonology.
Shouldn’t the program read:
If it had a happy ending, Otello would be the nuts.
He also wants everyone to know that his safe word is “cinnamon”.
Well, OK, not everyone
my sympathies PJ. We lost our 16 yo little buddy in May. it’s heartbreaking…
I have actually seen the weddings of Figaro, performed by one man in one hour. It was a great show.
I would like to state that my quote above is not it any way meant as insult George W Bush, nor is it meant as support For Barack Obama. It is purely about the show I saw, which was great.
Only somewhat OT, K-Lo has just chosen to refer to John Bolton as “My Fellow Cruiser”.
I apologize in advance.
Conservative young moderns who wish to avoid having their equipoise disturbed by raucous outbursts from leftist louts will want to try out Jay Nordlinger’s new line of Safe Zone headgear. Stylish and attractive!
And don’t miss Jay’s Safe Zone for kids back to school special.
So – just to review:
we need zones “free of politics” to make people like Shakey Jay comfortable, which really means “zones free of LIBERAL politics” so that he and his wingnut buddies can sit around and talk about how awful the Dixie Chicks are and how “Lord of The Rings” is a metaphor for The War Against Terror and what a great artist Toby Keith is and how Hollywierd is all liberal ‘n stuff except for the bits like “Lord of The Rings” which are seeekrit samizdat signals to all the right-wing True Believers not to give up even in the face of the impending Pelosi/Franken/Obama Stalinist dictatorship.
Nellie Nordlinger. Jay Nellie. Janellie. That’s it, Janellie. The bestest drag name I’ve seen today.
PENIS. Also. And such as.
Well the w shaped tires in my neighborhood are killing the roads
Ah, well!! so somebody paid attention to me two threads ago!
next thing you know, Jay will be penning screeds about those mean libruls who unwrap the wrong kind of coughdrops during the Adagio – if its a Riccola instead of a good old American Smith Brothers’ cherry cough drop, you must be a socialist.
Men in drag and camouflage? What’s with all the veiled PENIS references PeeJ?
How dare foreigners come here and goodmouth the president!
WIN
sorry about your loss, PeeJ. folks here were kind to me 2 years ago when we lost our malamute.
Wow, how can you read their shit without going around the bend? I tried keeping up with the right wing blogs until I realized that my mood elevators weren’t even touching my suicidal depression.
Watch out. You can get PTSD from stuff like reading or listening to “conservatives.”
I really thank you for keeping an eye on them but be safe.
sorry to hear about your loss PJ…
goodmouth the president!
Veiled blow-job reference.
folks here were kind to me 2 years ago when we lost our malamute.
Wait.
That was two years ago? Criminy Christmas.
One can never have too many veiled PENIS references.
Speaking of veiled PENIS, Undercover PENIS Lover.
OT: Americans will be relieved to know that they no longer hold the crown in the North American “Assclown As National Leader” Sweepstakes.
PeeJ – my condolences as well – I know how torn up I’ve been whenever one of my furry friends has crossed the river.
One can never have too many veiled PENIS references.
Particularly in the U.S., where so many are unveiled shortly after birth.
Ok, now, about this Nerdlinger guy…I kinda like the name “Turdflinger” for him. Or perhaps “Turdburglar”.
PeeJ- I add to the pile of sympathies about your loss. I lost my 10 year old mutt a few weeks ago, and even if she was crazy, there’s still a big yellow dog sized hole in my heart. I sent some good thoughts out to the NorthWest sector as I crossed the Fremont today.
Oh, I’m sure we’ll make that dapper British guy eventually rue the day he said something cordial about America. We’ll paint his wagon good. You don’t just say something nice about America without living to regret it (*).
Is strange cold water like, an actual physics thing? Like heavy water or strange particles?
And how do you become a foppish music critic without having heard of the “royal we”? Like from Britain, where they have royalty and shit? Does he get mad when he sees the comment cards at McDonald’s that say “We’d love to hear your suggestions?” Nordlinger doesn’t want to hear them, he really doesn’t. Didn’t he sue the Us Festival for false advertising, when it should have really been called the Us Who Are Not Jay Nordlinger Festival?
And DVD-gate? Really? DVD-gate? Come on guys can we save “-gate” for stuff that involves actual law-breaking at least? Or at least a situation where somebody with some stake in the matter is actually unhappy in some way about what took place?
You can tell the size of a man by the size of his -gates. Clinton’s gates were silly and frivolous, esp. compared to Bushes Elder and Younger, but at least they were something you could file some paperwork about conceivably. Unless some state has a law on the books from pre-revolutionary days that deems buying mediocre gifts for British royalty a form of lese majeste, in which case get Ken Starr on the phone.
(Did anyone call it a -gate when Bush felt up Andrea Merkel?)
So, just to summarize, as usual, Obama should stop being so popular and well-liked. He’s making us all look bad and totally undoes the 8 years of hard work Bush put into destroying the American brand to the point where only the British could tolerate us, and them only just barely.
(*) Maybe it was Mr. Bramwell Tovey trying to flirt with Mr. Nordlinger but Mr. Nordlinger’s husband passed away not too long ago and his heart is not ready to love again, so instead he wrote a column laced with the two almost-lovers’ argot, where “special relationships” and “safe zones” are pretty much what you’d think they’d be. But as single entendres, they’re at least one more entendre than you usually get from the National Review.
He’s making fun of Mallard Filmore? But, that’s such a FUNNY strip! Fucking liberals.
Didn’t he sue the Us Festival for false advertising
As well as “Us Magazine”. And OUI, but that was due to a misunderstanding.
Oh, and I could totally see him trying to sue Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith for alleging in a concert appearance that “Wichita Rocks! We love you guys!” when in fact he neither loves you guys, nor does Wichita rock.
Speaking of Wichita…
PENIS.
I’m taking odds on President Hussein X Statist forgetting to give Chancellor Merkel the traditional G-8 back rub.And then he’ll have to apologize for blowing THAT !
heh
I had to put our old cat down about a month ago, and was delighted to see that nasty hag again. Sorry for your true loss tho PeeJ
..that is delighted to never see that nasty etc etc
I’m gonna repeat it since it was at the bottom of that last threedle:
Mr. PJ (if I may call you that, being somewhat new around these parts):
Sorry to hear about the loss of the ol’ dog. The Tart had to put her 14.5 year-old Corgi to sleep a few months ago and she was kind of a wreck for a few weeks, complete with sporadic crying jags at the slightest reminder of the ol’ Chunkster. But a new pup has arrived and things are smoothing out quite a bit. Lots of dogs (and cats and horses, etc.) being left in shelters these days. Just sayin’.
Oh, and maudlin? No fucking way. Critters are good, clean love. We got four right now, not counting The Rotten Little Perisher.
That horse had one day left till retirement!
At least it wasn’t Boston. They would’ve called in the bomb squad.
Whyz this Republican going to classical gay concerts?
Pee J, sorry to hear about your dog. It really is losing a member of the family. Take care.
That horse had one day left till retirement!
He was never the same after his diabetic brother died after that savage pothead fed him popcorn.
There is a video of Ann Althouse “debating” abut Palin at the NYTimes:
Bloggerheads
I can’t watch it where I am, but I’d love to hear how wingnutty it is.
Oh noes!
Log cabin Republican can’t go out without being exposed to the offensive fact that some people disagree with him.
The horror!!!!! 11111
Thanks again, everyone. We’re going to grieve for a month or three then probably go find a rescue animal that needs a wonderful home.
What sex was the horse? Maybe it was gay panic.
“There is a video of Ann Althouse “debating” abut Palin at the NYTimes.”
I can’t watch either. Does the NYT let her have her big gulp of box wine?
Not interesting. The sad part is that her opponent is arguing that Palin’s too dumb to be president.
Does the NYT let her have her big gulp of box wine?
Is that “big gulp” as in large swallow or “Big Gulp” as in 7/11?
‘Cause in Ann’s case I’m sure it’s the latter.
I wonder if the worst part of hearing those vaguely congratulatory remarks was that he couldn’t help knowing what that foreigner was thinking.
“Kudos to you idiot Americans. It only took the majority of you seven years to catch on to the horror of the lazy, ignorant, aggressive, narcisstic manchild foisted on you by the Supreme Court. And then you didn’t have the stones to use impeachment to end the travesty. But at least you finally elected someone with brains!”
It must be all Nordlinger can do to refrain from jumping up and yelling “Look who’s talking! Your Blair gave him cover all the way!”
The debate is tedious. Althouse argues Obama and Palin are equal entities and the likelihood of Palin fooling the American electorate is equal to Obama’s doing just that. Or something. Althouse looks kinda gnarly in a “been locked in the house cause I am afraid to go out” kind of way.
Yeah, Aristophanies, Eurpides never had none o’ that poltikin’ in their plays. Nor not Jonathan Swift, nor them thar Dickens, nor Shakespeare, dab nab it Marlowe. Mark Twain. And Dryden and such and so forth. And Worsdsworth. That weirdo Blake too.
That was pure art. Just like Beethoven’s Fidelio.
High Art has been a politics free zone for nigh these 2500 years. Until liberals ruined it.
Note: this is snark. Art, high and low, has been political as long as their have been artists. We need a new Juvenal to write up this wingnut nonsense. Of course, Juvenal might be shocked at writing something political, since he was so pure and unsullied by political and cultural concerns. Not all of our classics are political, but it is surprising how many are, though often you need to read through a bunch of boring criticism and history to recover the political context.
and was delighted to see that nasty hag again
Whoa! You’ve got a Pet Semetary nearby?
We need updates of pure unpoltiical art! I suggest the Obmadammerung. And the Arcane-ians. but who will be sausage-maker?
Cocked-up VEIL reference.
“(Did anyone call it a -gate when Bush felt up Andrea Merkel?)”
Shouldersqueezergate!
“At least [the penis incident] wasn’t Boston. They would’ve called in the bomb squad.”
Or San Francisco. The cops would’ve beaten the penis’ owner half to death.
OT, but this is where many of us SadlyNaughts will be 30 years from now.
Oh noes! GM is selling Bitchin’ Camaros to teh Ghey!
The models lean seductively over the hood of the 2010 Chevrolet Camaro, wearing only tiny yellow underwear emblazoned with the car’s logo. Grasping a wash cloth, they rub down the car until it sparkles as an unseen cameraman asks about the car.
The videos, broadcast on YouTube, use sex appeal to sell Camaros to guys. Only the models aren’t women, they’re men.
The racy commercials are part of a new advertising campaign targeting gay, bisexual and transgender Americans.
and of course, according to the first few comments on the article (all I cared to read) it’s all Obama’s fault. Sheesh.
this is where many of us SadlyNaughts will be 30 years from now.
I can’t imagine myself ever descending to Margaret & Helen’s level of
verbal articulacyincivility.So this Nerdlinger fella seems to be the classical music geek equivalent to the douchebag that yells “Less talk, more rock!” at concerts whenever the artist tries to talk about anything serious in-between songs…
GM is selling Bitchin’ Camaros to teh Ghey!
Camaros are gay? Who could’ve guessed.
Log cabin Republican
AKA Chickens for Colonel Sanders
What’s especially depressing about the comments to the Camaro article is the assertion that Camaro owners now will have to worry about their cars being vandalized by assocation with faghnitz.
Paging Spike Milligan to the white courtesy telephone!
RE: Jennifer said, July 8, 2009 at 22:17
I should be so lucky!
Doesn’t GM know that gay people’s money has gay all over it?
In other news, in a blatant attempt to woo heterosexuals, Audi puts trailer hitch and winch on A4 and advertises it in Field & Stream.
Do women not buy cars?
The [5 foot long inflatable penis] struck the officer’s horse
Possibilities here for future Jay Nerdlinger-related photoshops.
And whatthehell is “a pas de poisson”? Do you not mean “une bicyclette de poisson”?
pas de poisson
That’s what the Borgias say at the dinner table.
In all my years of reading comment threads, including at places like Stormfront, the one after the Camaro article is by far the most disturbing.
In all my years of reading comment threads, including at places like Stormfront, the one after the Camaro article is by far the most disturbing.
I only made it through the first six or seven before I had to bail.
It gets worse?
Drunken badgers!
http://jalopnik.com/5310130/drunken-german-badger-blocks-traffic
It gets worse?
Not really, just page after page of the same.
PENIS. Also. And such as.
Did someone say “Penis Camouflage”?
Yes, and the lady at the store turned into a ceramic knick-knack.
Also from America’s Shittiest … Attempted comedy or impending madness?
I Still Hate You, Sarah Palin
And PeeJ, I know how much losing a real friend can hurt. So sorry.
Remember all the good.
Wowsers.
Also from America’s Shittiest … Attempted comedy or impending madness?
He thinks he is delivering clever & sarcastic snark, directed (naturally) at the people he hates so much – sane people (AKA Liberals)
His definition of “hate” includes “asking uber-simple questions that Palin couldn’t answer”
Umm, by the way, the shorter for Kahane’s article is:
“I hate niggers even more than I hated them before”
Attempted comedy or impending madness?
Impossible to contemplate how any more mendacious FAIL could have been crammed into a mere 2 pages.
Holy fuck, NRO is officially publishing nirth certifkit paranoia now?
Attempted comedy or impending madness?
I think file under theirlulz&FAIL
Another shorter for Kahane:
“This article is the new wikipedia entry for ‘Impotent Unhinged Rage’ “
Attempted comedy or impending madness?
Yes.
Next fucking asshole who talks politics at a Toby Keith concert gets his ass kicked.
Next fucking asshole who talks politics at a Toby Keith concert gets his ass kicked.
Will they let you on the stage to kick his ass?
“This article is the new wikipedia entry for ‘Impotent Unhinged Rage’ “
doesnt that mean its plagirising conservapedia?
Next fucking asshole who talks politics at a Toby Keith concert gets his ass kicked.
Of course, policing that policy would mean actually GOING to a Toby Keith concert, which is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
JESUS.
The Camaro article is up to 400 comments of wingnuttery and homophobia.
Pitiful.
Does “Impotent Unhinged Rage” automatically equal political impotence? After reading that NRO article above, I sure hope so.
I suspect a large percentage Palin’s fanbase is pretty well adept at making fertilizer truck bombs.
They really are very sensitive about it all, aren’t they? They automatically interpret any sign of something positive happening under Obama as an explicit (not implicit) statement that things were bad under George W. Bush.
Jay wants a safe zone where no one says good things about Obama because he only hears it as bad things about Bush. That’s…rather unlikely.
BTW, Toby Keith turns 48 years old today. Insert your own jokes here, like I have to tell you that.
The weirdest line in an article bursting at the seams with weird lines is Kahane telling his fellow wingnuts “You’re too nice“.
The Camaro article is up to 400 comments of wingnuttery and homophobia.
I like the ones from the guys who claimed they were either seriously considering buying one, or owned one or more old ones, and spell it as “Camero”
Kahane. Wowsers.
Schadenfreude, sir?
Yes, make it a double!
Nice to see at least one cohomosexualist point out that Camaros are, in fact, driven exclusively by dumb rednecks.
the guys who claimed they were either seriously considering buying one
And now they can’t ’cause Obama gayed the company all up and they can’t be seen driving a car for teh fagnitz and their paren – *ahem* they’ll be forced to buy something else.
And the Dickwad of the Week award goes to:
He actually said that..
“I heard this lady, she was like, ‘Uh, what are all these black kids doing here?’ She’s like, ‘I’m scared they might do something to my child,'” said camper Dymire Baylor.
I think this unnamed “lady” is in serious contention with Mr. Douch – *ahem*, Duesler for “Dickwad Of The Week”.
She’s GOTTA be a Republican.
She’s GOTTA be a Republican.
AKA, the I’m Still Using A 1952 Calendar syndrome.
Jeezus. The pool attendant tells the kids they’ll have to leave because minorities aren’t allowed in the club and the reporter says the kids have been “left to wonder if their race was the reason”? No, honey, I don’t think the kids are as stupid as you seem to think your readers are. Kee-rist.
New planet, please.
OT, but speaking of Camaros: my life is now complete. I saw “Transformers 2” and watched a robot hump Megan Fox’s leg.
Or maybe there are still things to see…slash fic that puts Palin in the Fox role…
Is John Ziegler a robot?
No, I mean in the slashfic.
After years and years of advertising selling beer and cars and everything else to heteros using bullshite sexual innuendo (“drink this beer and you’ll get the women with big hooters”), they’re complaining that someone targets some ads to teh geyhs?
Advertising is all about lying with a straight face.
Also, it would seem that the proper “free market” response would be – “way to go GM for trying to tap into underutilized markets!” But that would be internally consistent, which isn’t a winger strong suit.
my life is now complete. I saw “Transformers 2? and watched a robot hump Megan Fox’s leg.
What an age we live in, yes?
I read an interview with Miz Fox about that show, in which she said, nearly verbatim, “I could probably learn to act if I really felt like it, but that’s not what they hired me for.” I applaud her self-awareness and the aplomb – even amusement! – with which she endures having a robot hump her leg.
But I had a good time with that movie. I like big loud mindless action flicks, which will probably get my card-carrying-liberal card revoked one of these days.
But no way am I ever going to watch Paul Blart. Too salt-of-the-earth non-elitist.
That’s okay. our membership requirements don’t discuss movie inclinations – unlike the other guys.
Is John Ziegler a robot?
No, I mean in the slashfic.
Everyone but Palin/Fox and Jeb Bush/LaBeouf is a robot. The question are they good robots (I forget the group name, but the ones spouting bad ghetto slang) or bad robots (I forget the group name, but the ones growling)?
I read an interview with Miz Fox about that show, in which she said, nearly verbatim, “I could probably learn to act if I really felt like it, but that’s not what they hired me for.” I applaud her self-awareness and the aplomb – even amusement! – with which she endures having a robot hump her leg.
She seems to be more self-aware than the average winner of the genetic lottery for looks. She can’t act and knows it, she’s paid to show off her body and fake eyelashes and is making as much as she can as fast as she can. She gets bonus points with me for pissing off Michael Bay.
The question is…
they’re complaining that someone targets some ads to teh geyhs?
Aint it precious? Leetle voice in they haids goes: OMFG I wanted a Camaro. I thought they were cool. If teh ghey likes it, OMFG I AM NOT GAY I’M NOT I’M NOT.
She can’t act and knows it, she’s paid to show off her body and fake eyelashes and is making as much as she can as fast as she can. She gets bonus points with me for pissing off Michael Bay.
Indeed, if she salts away some fraction of what she makes off this silliness she can find a nice little island somewhere and kick back forever. It’s what I’d do if I had multimillion-dollar looks, but then, if I did, I’d be a very different person so who knows what I’d do?
How did she piss off Michael Bay? That is also a plus.
BTW, PeeJ, sorry to hear about your loss. I’m glad you’re looking at a rescue animal. it’s amazing the shite we humans do to animals, and yet they still keep putting up with us. JC at Balloon Juice just adopted a rescued dog. seems to be a perfect match. may your search be similarly fruitful.
drink this beer and you’ll get the
women withbig hootersEdited for accuracy.
“This is the fusion of Communist dogma, high ideals, gangster tactics, and a stunning amount of self-loathing. For the first time in history, the patrician class is deliberately selling its own country down the river just to prove a point: that, yes, we can! This country stinks and we won’t be happy until we’ve forced you to admit it.”
OMFG, is it actually possible that someone with a brain and a paycheck could possibly write something so bottomlessly stupid and apparently mean it?
There are very few things that I have seen in life which scream “Deep Homosexual Panic” like that Camaro thread does. Jeezus.
There are very few things that I have seen in life which scream “Deep Homosexual Panic” like that Camaro thread does. Jeezus.
How about owning a frigging Camaro?
A nutty video.
Ha! Too true.
WTF?!? Some I’m googling around a bit, trying to keep current on this thread (by the way – PENIS.) and I have discovered a shockerfyingly bullshit piece of fucked up patriarchical shit.
Every single thing I found about Megan Fox had a picture of her. And yet despite a lede ‘graf that goes:
There’s only a tiny picture – and it don’t got no underwear clad car wash hotties. WTF?!?
P.S. I mean all of that in a totally heterosexual way.
P.P.S. PENIS. Also.
OMFG! Okay – now this whole carwash fags in speedos soaping a Camaro is a fucking big deal.
They’ve pulled the spot. Fucking cowards.
Where’s my soapy wet beefcake? Fuck you GM! IMPEACH OBAMA NOW!
Totally heterosexually, of course.
“What the CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope they do realize that 90% of all muscle car owners are Heterosexual!!!! That’s the biggest bunch of crap I have ever heard of! I will not be buying anymore G-overment M-otor cars! This is the future of America “Land of the free” unless it offends some poor sole!!! Then we have to adjust 303,824,639 people because it made one person mad. That is thinking right there… Way to go Obama! (Loser)”
…from commenter “This country is in so much confusion” on the crazy thread on Camaros. The punctuation – and the “Loser”, just added on for effect – no idea if that’s self-referential or what – really sold it for me.
That thread is a total gold mine for anyone who wants to witness people in the throes of some sort of actual breakdown.
Sometimes I haz a sad for the American public.
“OMFG! Okay – now this whole carwash fags in speedos soaping a Camaro is a fucking big deal.
They’ve pulled the spot. Fucking cowards.”
Ugh. Now I’M not buy a Camaro.
*buying*
Wow, some of the heterosexualist commentors might go so far as to tow their old Camaros from the trailer park. That is, if they can find the tires and get the cars off the cement blocks.
if they can find the tires and get the cars off the cement blocks
Then they have to borrow their girlfriends’ mom’s car to go to Kragen or the Pep Boys to get some WD-40, oil, oil filter, air filter, spark plugs,…………….
“This is the fusion of Communist dogma, high ideals, gangster tactics, and a stunning amount of self-loathing. For the first time in history, the patrician class is deliberately selling its own country down the river just to prove a point: that, yes, we can! This country stinks and we won’t be happy until we’ve forced you to admit it.”
OMFG, is it actually possible that someone with a brain and a paycheck could possibly write something so bottomlessly stupid and apparently mean it? – Galt’s Gulch Waterboard
I could write something like that and mean it. It actually sounds like a very good description of today’s neo-con dominated, feudalism supporting GOP.
The models lean seductively over the hood of the 2010 Chevrolet Camaro, wearing only tiny yellow underwear emblazoned with the car’s logo. Grasping a wash cloth, they rub down the car until it sparkles as an unseen cameraman asks about the car.
So they’d be ok with this if it were a lady?
Is homosexual panic that nakedly (if you’ll pardon the pun) about the sexist double standard of “women are objects but men are not” and “how dare gays objectify men like we straight men objectify women? It’s my male privilage not to be an object”?
Is homosexual panic that nakedly (if you’ll pardon the pun) about the sexist double standard of “women are objects but men are not”…
I imagine that’s a big chunk of it. That and flattering themselves into thinking gay men are hot for them.
So is any praise of Obama implicit criticism of Bush? Or just praise in areas where Bush fucked up royally?
Oh wait…that would be just about everything he ever did, wouldn’t it?
that would be just about everything he ever did, wouldn’t it?
Indeed, there would be paroxysms of rage if anyone were to mention – approvingly – how Obama chews with his mouth closed.
How did she piss off Michael Bay?
He is upset that (1) she’s getting better reviews (not for acting, of course) than his explosions, (2) she had the nerve to say to the press that “Transformers 2: The Model Railroad” was somehow less than a serious movie, and (3) she failed to acknowledge his part in making her what she is today.
Why he feels (re #3) that it’s important that she say to the press “Thanks to Michael Bay, 14-year-olds across the world masturbate to my image” is beyond me.
OH NOES!! Bigoted homophobic shitbags are angry – no more fun boys in undies washing the car. FUCK YOU GM! This is fucking bullshit. You made the fucking ad, you even released the blasted thing – and now you’re all “where’s the memory hole, I gots a body that needs dumping”.
CLUE 1: Those lowlife gay bashing scumbags weren’t gonna buy your car anyways. They don’t get outta Mom’s basement long enough to need a mullet-mobile.
CLUE 2: Teh Ghey? Your fucking target demo. Socially networked out like fucking mad. Disposable income. And even the out-of-the-closeters get mid-life crises.
CLUE 3: FUCK YOU GM! If you really think hot, soapy stud muffins – rubbin’ a car is more offensive than the FUCKING COWARDICE IN THE FACE OF BLATANT HOMPHOBIA… Geez. FUCK YOU GM.
PROTIP: Find the fucking shitbag that decided to pull this ad – and give him his pink slip. Make it extra frilly too. Even if he ain’t a homophobe, now is not the time for GM to be acting like scared little twits.
And in conclusion, PENIS.
Wait a fucking minute. Black kids booted out of a public pool for being Black… massive gay panic freakout over a stupid fucking car spot… WHAT FUCKING CENTURY IS THIS AGAIN?
I guess the grim fact is that its because of people like me that Prop 8 passed here– I never looked to see who was organizing what because I just honestly thought we were way beyond this shit.
So is any praise of Obama implicit criticism of Bush? Or just praise in areas where Bush fucked up royally?
Oh wait…that would be just about everything he ever did, wouldn’t it?
You have just made the baby Nordlinger cry by making this site a non-safe-zone.
Smut Clyde edits for accuracy:
So you’re the bastard with the airhorn on the embankment at the Basin Reserve.
a “safe zone” is a place where there are no
liberalsconservatives or, alternatively, where there are someliberalsconservatives but only ones that have their lips glued together with some permanent adhesive that renders them unable to talk and, therefore, unable to disturbJay’sTintin’s equanimity by expressing aliberalconservative opinion in his presence.There, fixed.
754 Philadephians commented on that pool story. The most recent (“three minutes ago”) compared black kids to chimps.
I hate people.
If you value your non-misanthropized self, do not go there.
Oooh! BURN!
– Burn was re: slack jaw’s comment, not Shell GD’s.
H.P. (as in Homosexual Panic Lovecraft) is a fascinating phenomenon. I guess it’s a double standard (no, not this kind) but it’s not about “how dare they…” imho. It’s more visceral. It’s fear. It afflicts only those insecure in their masculinity self-image.
A few hours ago it was 1400-some.
GOOD GOD, WHAT IF I LIKE IT?
Mr. Potato Head’s Coconut cream Cooler
I think I am a homestyle counselor at heart sometimes. Ok, the part of this meal that people really like is the priapumfish wing.
Ingredients:
6 bunches ugly bottlenose dolphin
4 bunches fertile coconut cream
2 tablespoons cinematic Shropshire blue cheese, rantingly French
7 pounds crumby priapumfish wing, detachedly pickled
3 cups baking powder
5 tablespoons brown sugar
Begin praying. Separate bottlenose dolphin carapace from thorax. Mock thorax. Use a food processor to combine the Shropshire blue cheese with the coconut cream. Stuff the resulting goo into the bottlenose dolphin. Whisk the priapumfish wing, baking powder, and the brown sugar suffocatingly. Smush everything together suspensefully. Grill for 143 hours. Serves 3 bilingual individuals with extroverted stomachs.
A few hours ago it was 1400-some.
Are they deleting comments in which people call black people chimps, or ones where they don’t?
Ok, the part of this meal that people really like is the priapumfish wing.
But RB is cruel and will not let us eat just the priapumfish wing. No, we have to swallow every mouthful of cinematic Shropshire blue cheese.
The thought of surreptitiously feeding mine to the cat NEVER CROSSED MY MIND.
I slave and slave over a hot .txt file and then you come home and MOCK IT.
Hoorah for Captain Janus
The chef that uses anus
Did someone call me Bubba?
The recipe needs more blubber!
I slave and slave over a hot .txt file…
A hot .txt file? Like this?
Peppered Enchanting Pink Salmon with Fluffy Fresh Gorgonzola Naturales
I didn’t have a name for this wreckage so my boyfriend’s friend named it the Mother of All Fuckers. It is. Make sure to get a big glass of milk.
Ingredients:
4 bags contented pink salmon, roasted
3 sticks obedient Gorgonzola naturale, selfishly pickled
3 tablespoons scrawny poop, articulately stuffed
7 portions ephemeral topminnow lung, charred
5 pinches garlic
4 bunches cilantro
The first thing you are going to want to do is let the pink salmon soften. I recommend cutting it into little squares to let it soften quicker. Then you are going to roll the poop with the Gorgonzola naturale out onto a 15 X 9 (roughly) cookie sheet. Bake the dough at 375 F for 10 minutes. YOU MUST LET THIS COOL BEFORE PUTTING ANYTHING ON TOP OF IT. Let it cool for at least 1/2 hour. You can chop up that which remains unchopped while waiting for it to cool and make the pink salmon center. For the center, mix the topminnow and the pink salmon. You can use Major Worms Toym’s pilot fish ear but topminnow is better for this recipe as you want more of a taste. Mix it with a blender until it is very creamy and there are no lumps. Then add in the garlic to the pink salmon mix. Spread the pink salmon mix over the cooled poop bottom. I recommend putting it in dollups over the dough, so you can spread it around easier. Try not to touch the poop bottom as you are spreading it. The reason why the poop bottom has to be very cool is because otherwise it will start to lift up as you are spreading the poop. Make sure to get all spots where the poop shows. After this is done, sprinkle the garlic on top. Don’t try cutting it until you have let it cool in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Before putting it in the refrigerator though, run a knife over the outside of the whole thing, so it is easier to get out later. If you try cutting it into slices before it is cool, the poop and the pink salmon will run along the knife with you.
Try not to touch the poop bottom as you are spreading it.
Words, or more likely n-grams, to live by.
Ugh. Cilantro.
Yay! POOP returns to the S,N! domain!
I saw poop and thought of you.
My love must be a kind of blind love
I can’t see anything but poop.
Are the stars out tonight?
I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright
I Only Have Eyes For POOP, Dear.
The moon maybe high
but I can’t see a thing in the sky,
‘Cause I Only Have Eyes For POOP.
I don’t know if we’re in a garden,
or on a crowded avenue.
You are here
So am I
Maybe millions of people go by,
but they all disappear from view.
And I Only Have Eyes For POOP.
Trying to work in some commercial products to the Amber Pawlik rip-offs:
BNP Paribas Ronquil Dip
Transistorize Ellipsoid’s Italian Cream Cheese Matzo
Commander Stereotype Yoyyoyoosguqu’s Nubile Porcupine Tabbouli
Cockroache Jambalaya
AXA Group’s Seadevil Sprinkles
Shellie Poodle’s Turtle Granola
Pelt’s Happy Carp Marinade
Stockroom Confusers’s Slips Of Yew Smoothie
Propounds’s Natural Marten Pesto
Lynda’s Ponyfish Gazpacho
Olin Talisha’s Lemming Stuffing
Welder Caterina’s Silvery Chub Salad
OAO Gazprom’s Egret Matzo
United States Postal Service Ass Dip
United States Postal Service Ass Dip
Spice up your next dinner party with Ass Dip!
Words, or more likely n-grams, to live by.
Heaven knows, that recipe enturbulated my theta.
Stockroom Confusers’s Slips Of Yew Smoothie
Wot’s this then. Someone musta gots the labels wrong. They’re all knackered and bollixed. Nah, dinnae try to help lass, yere jes a wee slip of yew smoothie.
I took a crap on a train and I thought about you.
I pooped in a shadowy lane and I thought about you.
Two or three turds dropped under the birds by a winding stream.
Shit squirting down and then swirling round
And with each flush the same old rush.
Huh. Imagine that. Having no fucking idea what an Amber Pawlik might be (pawl…amber…yellow ratchet…?) I gazooogled it and what do you know?
Four from the top.
The products need more “Professor This” or “Colonel That”.
The recipe with the poop is pretty much verbatim Pawlik except for the ingredients. It’s slowly getting more varied.
Where “four from the top” means four after the 0th….
Wow, I can’t follow any of this shit, but it sure is entertaining not trying to.
Poop.
Today I saw somebody
Who looked just like POOP
He smelt lke some POOP
I thought it was POOP
As he turned the corner
I called out your name
I felt so ashamed
Cause it wasn`t POOP
Wasn`t POOP
You are everything (you…. are everything)
And everything is POOP
Oh, you are everything
And everything is POOP
PENIS.
I want to make poop for you
You, and nobody else but you
Poop poopie doop.
Okay, the gin has taken over. G’night all, and to all a good POOP.
Enjoy.
Sugared Louse with Gentle Dried Baby Goudas
Ingredients:
1 louse, barbecued
1 baby gouda, discordantly strained
2 pints authentic worcestershire
5 pounds earnest ibex stomach, stunningly stirred
1 bunch brown sugar
5 tablespoons coffee
Begin praying. Cream the louse with a large can opener. Combine the baby gouda with the worcestershire over low heat in a cup. Slather resulting goo over the louse. Sugar – very imploringly – the ibex stomach, brown sugar, and the coffee. Heap everything together. Grill for 109 hours. Serves 9 dear friends with ethereal stomachs.
Still no luck knowing what you’re talking about, but still enjoying it. These have to be the best threads in existence.
The gist is I have a program writing this stuff for me in semi-random fashion.
Except for the poop. That’s home-made.
Except for the poop. That’s home-made.
I’m glad you didn’t say “hand-made”.
Nerdberger wants “safe zones” AND chooses to live in f’n Manhattan?
UR DOIN ‘T RONNGG!!
Kevin Federline’s Cheese Croquette
I think I am a complex hairdresser at heart sometimes. Ok, the part of this meal that people really like is the titan triggerfish hoof.
Ingredients:
1 zebra, creamed
4 tablespoons naked cheese, both-ways iced
1 mascarpone, blandly rinsed
6 portions furthest titan triggerfish hoof, numinously jellied
1 gallon mustard
6 bunches basil
The second thing you are going to want to do is let the zebra soften. I recommend cutting it into large dodecahedra to let it soften quicker. Then you are going to roll the mascarpone with the cheese out onto a 4 X 12 (roughly) cookie sheet. Bake the dough at 244 Kelvin. YOU MUST LET THIS DIE BEFORE PUTTING ANYTHING ON TOP OF IT. Let it cool for at least 1/2 hour. You can chop up passers-by while waiting for it to cool and make the zebra center. For the center, mix the titan triggerfish and the zebra. You can use Major Doybaurore Atreus-Loeb’s medaka eye but titan triggerfish is better for this recipe as you want more of a taste. Mix it with a blender until it is very creamy and there are no lumps. Then add in the mustard to the zebra mix. Spread the zebra mix over the cooled mascarpone bottom. I recommend putting it in dollups over the dough, so you can spread it around easier. Try not to touch the mascarpone bottom as you are spreading it. The reason why the mascarpone bottom has to be very cool is because otherwise it will start to lift up as you are spreading the mascarpone. Make sure to get all spots where the mascarpone shows. After this is done, sprinkle the mustard on top. Don’t try cutting it until you have let it cool in the refrigerator for at least an hour. Before putting it in the refrigerator though, run a knife over the outside of the whole thing, so it is easier to get out later. If you try cutting it into slices before it is cool, the mascarpone and the zebra will run along the knife with you.
The gist is I have a program writing this stuff for me in semi-random fashion.
The other contributors to this confusion all have similar excuses.
Heh. Forgot about that one.
There are no excuses, only reasons.
Troofie likes Reno!
http://www.ginandtacos.com/2009/07/03/npf-america-the-beautiful/
Things that make you go: poop
mmmm hungry, playing with the conservatives for palin sure works up an appetite. Something about unassuaged grief and delusions of electablity makes me need sad dolphin soup.
I can vouch for Lubbock, Youngstown, Reno and C Springs.
United States Postal Service Ass Dip
IT’S NOWHERE NEAR AS TASTY AS IT SOUNDS!!!!
I think he is right though. Every word spoken is a calumny heaped upon Bush. The rest of them too. We are quite literally writing the epitaph of them on a day by day basis. Every day we don’t give in to fear and despair. Every day we buy into the concept, the idea, the hope that tomorrow will be better. We are writing on the tomb of those who came before. Who figured that this shit would last fifty, a hundred tops, tops, at best. We are writing the goddamn epitaphs of those who came before. They would be shocked fucking rigid at what we are now. Which is the fuckin point. It is what they wanted when they sat down so long ago. Those who come after are supposed to be improvements on those who came before.
Confirmed. GM = gutless dirtbags. Chickenshits. Morans to boot.
You know what’s tasteless? You, you fucking assholes. Carwash himbos in speedos is inappropriate? Let me fucking remind you shitbags about the whole movie tie-in the “Bumblebee Boys” were associated with. Fuck. You. G. M.
That said, Megan Fox is still ridiculously hawt.
Okay, Dragon, now tell us how you really feel.
Given we now own GM, I propose the firm buy the biggest flatscreen teevee in the world, put it in the boardroom, and run the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun on a continuous loop.
So they can learnz the difference between subtley ironic and full on homoerotic.
Also. Poop.
TtS,
You’re right. I’m way over reacting – but that’s what happens when you tease speedo clad hotties doing the car wash thing – and then yank it (the video that is).
I guess reading the winger links posted here has fucked up my sense of proportion and outrage. Mea culpa. PENIS.
Wouldn’t say you are over-reacting, at least not to the pulling of the video – the excuse for pulling the video, that it was “tasteless”, that is complete baloney.
Would they have pulled a video with a bikini-clad Megan Fox washing cars for the same reason?
Of cour… holy cow, that is one sensational image.
holy cow, that is one sensational image.
I dunno, I’d have to see it to judge.
DKW – I dont’ think you’re overreacting. That was a serious chickenshit move on GM’s part.
Yeah it’s a chicken shit move, and it needs calling out, but geez – I practically popped a blood vessel over it. I’m just trying to say that I recognize that in this case – GM is just being garden-variety assholes.
“This is outrageous. Miss Smith! Order a Camaro immediately — then cancel it!”
I also like the Palin article, which assumes that if you don’t get an abortion, you didn’t exercise freedom of choice. Somehow, I’m pretty sure this ties in with the stark binary view that any word that doesn’t actively kiss GW Bush’s ass is a slam at the GOP, and thus, the country.