Good Lord, Michelle Malkin is a Fruit Cake
It doesn’t take much to make Michelle Malkin freak out, does it? Seriously, she seems like the type of person who sits up all night on the porch swatting at invisible elves*:
Via the always eagle-eyed Little Green Footballs, check out the caption on the Associated Press photo of Osama bin Laden running today at Yahoo.com:
Got that? Osama isn’t a mass-murdering terrorist mastermind. He’s just a poor, exiled dissident who disagrees with civilization.
Holy cow! How dare those rat bastards at the Associated Press refer to bin Laden as a “Saudi dissident,” when in real life he’s a Saudi dissident!
Just for kicks, I scoured the A.P. archives to find some examples of bin Laden being referred to as a “terrorist.” Here’s what I came up with:
One:
They argue that bold changes are needed in Islam’s hierarchy to isolate radical clerics and discredit terrorist leaders, including Osama bin Laden, who have used self-styled religious decrees to justify their views and actions.
Two:
Prosecutors charge that al Bahlul was ordered by bin Laden, the leader of the al-Qaida terrorist network, to create a video glorifying the group’s October 2000 attack on the destroyer USS Cole in Yemen that killed 17 American sailors.
Osama bin Laden may no longer have operational control of his terrorist network, the U.S. ambassador to Pakistan said Monday.
Four:
Among other efforts, experts in and out of government have been combing through two tapes released by al-Qaida in the two weeks before the election – first by a man calling himself “Azzam the American” and another by Osama bin Laden, leader of the terrorist group.
Five:
Osama bin Laden’s terror network is believed to have strong ties to the major Iraqi insurgency group led by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.
Six:
The region has already suffered four terrorist attacks, all either claimed by – or attributed to – Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida terrorist network.
The prisoner also allegedly received money from Osama bin Laden, the chief of the al-Qaida terrorist network, Ross said.
So clearly, this is all part of a plot by the Associated Press to relabel bin Laden a “dissident” rather than a “terrorist.” How vast is this conspiracy? So vast that it’s even ensnared FOX News:
“He is a great holy warrior of Islam and a great benefactor of the Afghan people,” Himat said of bin Laden, a Saudi billionaire-dissident who remains in hiding in Afghanistan.
Bin Laden has denied any role in the attacks, and Afghan authorities say the United States has offered no proof to back up its allegations against the exiled Saudi dissident.
The attacks have been blamed on Al Qaeda and sympathizers of the anti-Western terror network headed by Saudi dissident Usama bin Laden.
Yes, it’s true, Michelle- one can be both a dissident and a terrorist.
Anyway, I think I’ve come up with a caption for bin Laden photos that Michelle would approve of:
Above: Osama bin Laden, a really scary motherfucker who will FUCKING KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY UNLESS YOU SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT!!! AAAAAAAAH!!!! THE ELVES!!!! SAVE ME FROM THE ELVES!!!!!!!!!
*Joke shamelessly stolen from MST3K.
As opposed to, say, “American dissident” Timothy McVeigh.
I suppose Batshit Michelle would much prefer:
“Bloodthirsyt monster and know baby eater Osama bin Laden is seen scowling menacingly in this April 1998 file photo…”
And don’t get me wrong, I really, really hates me some bin Laden- he’s a religious wingnut of frightening proportions and a murderous scumbag. But he’s also a Saudi dissident. That’s completely factual.
The wingnuts like to make up words like islamofascism, so maybe they should get to work on this. He could be referred to as a “terrident” or a “dissorist”.
Wait, I think I got a case of dissorist my freshman year of college.
Yes! You just earned yourself a regular reader with the MST3K reference.
Oh, and your political stuff is good, too…
Not just an MST3K reference, but one taken from the short “Hired!” that preceded “Manos: The Hands Of Fate”.
They must have adored CNN. Terrorist Tape! Every CNN headiline included eother “terror” or “terrorist”. Feh.
Not just an MST3K reference, but one taken from the short “Hired!” that preceded “Manos: The Hands Of Fate”.
Which was the second-worst movie MST3K ever showed. The worst being Red Zone Cuba.
What Michelle read:
“Saudi businessman-cum-protester extends olive branch”
Personally, I’ll settle for nothing less than “fucking terrorist”.
Personally, I’ll settle for nothing less than “fucking terrorist”.
OK, but then you’d have the Christian Right crazies after you.
You’d think someone who watches Fox News would understand this, since after the London bombings their pundits were falling over themselves to blame the attacks on Britain’s supposedly overwarm welcome for, um, Saudi dissidents.
But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree — devoutly religious Muslims are, or will at least pour into the streets to celebrate if you are killed.
And i cannot help but note that of the three examples from FoxNews, one predates 9/11, one is less than a month after, and the third appears to be a rewrite of a non-Fox source.
But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree
Dude, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that entire bag of mushrooms.
And i cannot help but note that of the three examples from FoxNews, one predates 9/11,
So he wasn’t a terrorist until 9/11? WTF?
one is less than a month after…
And the point is, what? Shouldn’t they be going more out of their way to label bin Laden a terrorist in the wake of the worst terrorist attack ever on American soil?
and the third appears to be a rewrite of a non-Fox source.
I see no indication that it is. The byline says “FOX NEWS.” When FOX re-writes an AP story, it credits the Associated Press in the byline. If you’re seeing something I’m not, por favor, let me know.
But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree
That wasn’t my point. My point was that they’d be upset to have the f-bomb dropped every night on the news.
“But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree.”
Apparently the most influential Protestant Christian in world, Pat Robertson, didn’t get that memo.
But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree
Apparently THEY’RE not aware of that rule….
Apparently THEY’RE not aware of that rule….
To be fair, I can’t think of one mainstream fundamentalist Christian group that’s actually KILLED anybody. I mean, I don’t like James Dobson & friends either, but we should employ fact-based criticisms here…
“The worst being Red Zone Cuba.”
“Ah you theah, guahd?”
It’s me, Muahgaret!
PS: So Michelle’s upset that they’re not painting him as some comic book supervillain with nifty powers? Why does she hate America?
Al Qaeda’s mainstream? More so than, say, Operation Rescue and the like?
Ms. Malkin, stay racist and crazy. We love/hate you just the way . . .you . . . are.
Wingnuts make the world go round, even though they’ll insist it’s flat.
Army of God.
But you’re right, it’s not on the same scale.
“But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree.”
Ummmmm…sorry, but if we jump into our wee time machine I think the devout Christians would have some ‘splainin to do on the whole ‘killing those with whom we disagree’ front.
A whole lot of blood on their hands…CENTURIES of it…just not recently. Look, let’s not play ‘holier than thou’- Brad’s little joke was right on…some modern fundies would be much more upset at the profanity than the violence.
Conservative columnist Michelle Malkin probably objects to the use of pronouns to avoid repetition as well. For conservative columnist Michelle Malkin, everything must be explicitly written in every one of conservative columnist Michelle Malkin’s sentences. Conservative columnist Michelle Malkin doesn’t understand why the Associated Press doesn’t follow the rules outlined in conservative columnist Michelle Malkin’s “Elements of Style” notebook.
To be fair, I can’t think of one mainstream fundamentalist Christian group that’s actually KILLED anybody.
Robertson killed Rehnquist. Of course, he was aiming for Ginsburg and Breyer, but if you unleash the power of prayer willy nilly you’re responsible for the consequences.
To be fair, I can’t think of one mainstream fundamentalist Christian group that’s actually KILLED anybody. I mean, I don’t like James Dobson & friends either, but we should employ fact-based criticisms here…
That’s certainly true. However, we should also, for the sake of context, explain that it is precisely because of our Enlightenment-derived secular heritage that we’ve come to frown on that whole killing-people-over-religious-hairsplitting thing that occupied Christianity for a millenium and a half. I’m serious – from Constantine onward, they never did seem to be able to get around to that whole peace and goodwill to your fellow man stuff, but give secular rationality a mere couple hundred years to work with, and we don’t do that sort of thing anymore.
Naturally, this means that our faith-based friends will try and claim that tolerance was the plan all along, and they were going to get around to it any day now…
But, to get back on track, what’s Malkin doing calling him a mastermind?! Doesn’t that imply respect for his mental ability? Shouldn’t we be calling him “Osama the mass-murdering terrorist shit-for-brains dumbfuck”? I mean, is she serious about winning this war on terror or not? Proper descriptive language is everything!
The only reason it’s true is that we beg the question, with a bit of no true Scotsman thrown in for good measure: mainstream Fundamentalist Christians don’t kill folks, therefore the Fundamentalist Christians who do kill people aren’t mainstream. Of course Rhymes with Right doubles the pleasure by mirroring the process with Muslims, plus adds a little goalpost moving; devout Muslims want to kill, or at least delight in the death of, those who disagree with them, as a rule, so Muslims who don’t do that aren’t really devout Muslims. How nice it must be to just ignore off whole swaths of people who disprove a premise or two!
calling him a “dissident” does seem way too mild. How about “Al-Qaida Chiefâ€? if you don’t want to use an emotion-laden word like “terroristâ€? (which would be accurate in OBL’s case). The problem with calling OBL a dissident is it identifies him with all dissidents, including peaceful ones. Do we really want to use the same term for Bin Laden that we use for people like MLK or Cindy Sheehan His dissent against the Saudi government certainly is NOT peaceful.
Of course, MM is still nuttier than squirrel shit if she think the AP using “dissident� was somehow because the editor likes OBL. It was just an editor being over-cautious in trying to be neutral.
“Bloodthirsty monster and known baby eater Osama bin Laden is seen scowling menacingly in this April 1998 file photo…”
Throwing bin Laden in with the likes of bloodthirsty monsters and baby eaters is clearly a slap in the face to all bloodthirsty monsters and baby eaters.
Well, the Dominionists certainly want to kill people… me, for instance. And they would, too, if they ever got into power and felt secure from prosecution. Though, I suppose, one could say they’re not exactly mainstream. Doesn’t mean that those crazy bastiches don’t make me nervous, though.
To be fair, I can’t think of one mainstream fundamentalist Christian group that’s actually KILLED anybody.
Abortion Provider Violence Statistics:
* 7 Murders
* 17 Attempted Murders
* 41 Bombings
* 168 Arsons
* 82 Attempted Bombings/Arsons
* 373 Invasions
* 1048 Incidences of Vandalism
* 591 Incidences of Trespassing
* 125 Incidences of Assault and Battery
* 357 Death Threats
* 3 Kidnappings
* 76 Incidences of Burglary
source:
http://womensissues.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=womensissues&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.prochoice.org%2F
First of all, I abhor and openly condemn violence of any kind, or threats of violence towards those who provide abortions, or towards mothers considering or having abortions. Moreover, not every group that claims to have their origins in Christianity reflects the true values of Christ, who taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and who taught us to love our enemies.
No, two wrongs don’t make a right, and there can be no justification for blowing up abortion clinics. Having said that, however, the stats above pale in comparison to the number of abortions performed. But I guess womb tomb graveyards don’t count in this age of ageism.
Most of these womb tombs are not occupied by unborn children of molest, rape or incest victims. Most are not occupied by unborn children of women whose pregnancy rendered them at risk of losing their own lives. Many could have made a valuable contribution to civilization. Many could have been the next Martin Luther King, the next Billy Graham, the next Mother Theresa, or the next Bono. Where was the human potential movement when they were developing in the womb that became their tomb long before their time?
I’m ba-a-a-a-rren. *sob*.
“Many could have been the next Martin Luther King, the next Billy Graham, the next Mother Theresa, or the next Bono.”
Or the next John Wayne Gacy, the next Johnny Malvo, the next Ryan Seacrest, or the next Dick Cheney. Which just goes to show you…
Wait, what was your point again?
Well, well, nothing like a little “hume” coming from the womb tomb. Humor is, after all, great medicine.
So laugh if you will, laugh if you must, but then, when all of the laughter is done remember this: If someone had aborted you, you wouldn’t have the ability to laugh, or to “sob” for that matter. In fact, you wouldn’t have the ability to do much of anything now, would you? It kind of brings a whole new meaning to the term “developmentally challenged.”
So should we just agree that mainstream devout Christians and mainstream devout Muslims don’t go around killing people, nor glee when others do?
I think that would be a fair statement, Jim.
“But Brad, the difference is that devoutly religious Christians are not, as a rule, interested in killing those with whom they disagree.�
Actually, that statement is inaccurate. A lot of high-priced fundies are plenty interested in killing; they just don’t do it.
In terms of animosity, the loudest fundies exactly on par with those who flooded the streets to celebrate September 11th. Most of those particular Muslims had never killed anyone, but they were happy to see someone else do it.
If I’d been aborted, I probably wouldn’t be enduring your stabs at logic.
Things tend to even out in the end, you know?
“If I’d been aborted, I probably wouldn’t be enduring your stabs at logic.”
Well, it’s never too late for a little physician-assisted suicide 🙂
Just kidding!
If someone had aborted you, you wouldn’t have the ability to laugh, or to “sob” for that matter.
and if your parents hadn’t had sex you wouldn’t be here now either! think of all of the little Bonos that could be running around today if there was more sex being had. OH THE HUMANITY
DON’T STOP HAVING SEX PEOPLE. EVER!!!1! to stop would be inhumane to all of the potential Bonos.
thanks for the laugh, jef
in 1998, that was a photo of a saudi dissident (with a terrorist mind).
“master”mind came after he succeeded, in 2001.
Such intellectual honesty on the other side?
Leave me in a room with him, and I’d probably do my duty on behalf of thousands of my countrymen,
Somehow I don’t get any catty pleasure from arguing semantics JUST to distract from the fact that he is still free.
or to avoid discussing that we re-elected the moron who, despite ownng the most powerful military EVER, has still FAILED to capture him.
michelle is just distraction, and a poor excuse at that.
Much like BLT, I have no hard feelings towards malkin, I just wish they had the wisdom today that they will have in 5 years, and thought about how dumb they sound when they open their mouth (type stupid shit).
that’s not hate speech, that’s sheer frustation with intellectual dishonesty.
Kathleen, I like your philosophy. In fact, I believe “Make love, not more abortion clinics!” would make a great marketing slogan for pro-lifers.
Doc, I think it’s terribly sad that you had to tell me you were kidding.
And I think it’s even sadder that you had to tell me how terribly sad it was that I had to tell you I was kidding.