Malkinfreude
Michelle Malkin:
Bad taste award
June 25, 2009I don’t find anything funny about the Sanford affair. It’s the mom in me thinking about four handsome boys on Father’s Day weekend abandoned by their stupid, selfish father, who was busy tanning with his mistress in Argentina. Heart-breaking. Yes. Nauseating. Yes. Maddening. Yes. Funny? No.
Cruel derision crude humor are to be expected of the Left.
But can Beltway
conservativesRepublicans keep their cracks to themselves?
Uh, if someone has a large staff, it’s often hard. Wait, what?
Michelle Malkin:
The Spitzer resignation countdown clock; Update: Spitzer t-shirt-mania!; Update: Reports say resignation effective Monday; Update: O.J.-like media circus awaiting 11:30am presser; Update: “I have begun to atone.”
March 12, 2008
Sometimes we imagine life at the Malkin house as most there must know it: the long hours of tensed breaths and sneeze-covering, of flinching at the cuckoo clock and the the doorbell; the tedium of suspense. It must almost be a relief when it finally breaks, when with panic and chair legs and sawdust and spraying crockery shards, it’s one long screech and crash windmilling up and down the stairs and around the corner from the kitchen to the den, slashing the black leather sofa with a bent lawnmower blade, tantruming with arms and legs, heaving the burning dog bed into the pool.
Robert Bidinotto weighs in on the moral transgressions of Eliot Spitzer that the media continue to ignore.
And my friends at The People’s Cube, who lampooned Operation Corner Office two years ago, have the photoshop of the day:
Get gone, already.
Update 9:30am Eastern. It was inevitable: Spitzer t-shirt-mania!
Hot apparel: Client #9 shirts.
I like these better from The People’s Cube:
Then the horror as Michelle returns to her senses, flinging away the teeth-stripped live electrical cord with which she was menacing the salt water aquarium. Then the tears. And then, as you watch, there comes the change, like clouds closing over the moon — like a queasy seismic bump, unfelt but sensed — and the moment of self-recovery is past. Michelle looks around with a Popeye squint and a bold chin, swelling with spite at the unfairnesses the liberals were hypocritically getting away with in maliciously making conservatives feel bad for going on so-called berserk rampages — as they would certainly try to do. And yet they would hypocritically whine if attacked for exactly what they would attack you for!
As usual, she affirmed, they go around blaming others instead of admitting their own exact same things. Like, excuse me, we will be happy to talk about so-called ‘right-wing extremism’ as soon as the left takes responsibility for left-wing terrorist heroes like Bill Ayers, James Van Brunn, and Islam, and stops pointing the finger at so-called ‘right-wing extremism’ — because it is laughable to say that we are pointing the finger when look at them doing it, with their lies, accusing us of so-called finger-pointing, over there.
Which they will not stop doing, she orated, for while conservatives eschew moral relativism and take responsibility for our actions, it won’t be our fault if we’re forced to do something we know is wrong, because liberals deny any responsibility for our actions. Oooh, oooh, if conservatives even dare to say anything against their fascist tryings-to-destroy of conservatives just for living, they will unfairly lie that the real liars are us and the real destroyees are them — lying with their opposite lies and their backwards accusings of up-is-down lying, scheming with their unfair partisan lackeys and bosses in the worldwide left-wing biased MSM and also US government, until we are forced to destroy them by any means necessary, i.e. preemptively. AND NOW LOOK WHAT ME-THEY MADE THEM DO I THIS TIME!
Update 10:00am Eastern. Still waiting…
Update 10:05am Eastern. Fox and AP say resignation will be effective Monday.
Update 10:12am Eastern: New word via Derb – Spitzenfreude.
Update 10:16am Eastern. Speaking of Spitzenfreude, Lone Star Times photoshops The Playas’ Ball.
Update 10:30am Eastern. Allah’s on Spitzer Watch. CNBC apparently got the scoop that the actual resignation will come down at 11:00am…now closer to 11:30am.
Update 10:46am Eastern. More Spitzenfreuder from the brilliant Iowahawk.
Update 10:56am Eastern. There’s an O.J.-like media swarm outside Spitzer’s high-rise apartment. In Albany, Republican State Senate majority leader Joe Bruno called on NY to move forward and prepare for transition.
Update 11:01am Eastern. A zinger from Michael Ramirez.
Update 11:13am Eastern. Watch the “Apartment Stakeout Cam” at FoxNews.com.
Then weary, dreamless sleep, and another few long hours of putting on socks to slink to the bathroom so that your feet don’t slap on the floorboards, and whispering to the dog not to bark — and then a change in the air like a thunderstorm arriving, and the scream rises again.
It’s the mom in me…
Oh my god … she’s swallowed Sarah Palin!
This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever read. I salute you, Gavin.
Gavin, I think her strike-out in the first blockquote (“conservatives Republicans”) got away.
It’s the best part, besides catching her w/ the porkulus in her mouth.
One really does have to be concerned for her children. Let’s see, daddy Jesse has a record of physical violence, & is on disability (All the kewl kidz are!!) probably mental, mother Michelle is crazed w/ rage & fear 24/7, & a stalker.
Our pop psych, semi-informed guess? The spawn will be either catatonic or spree killers by the time they’re out of high school.
…and then the scream rises again.
“I Am All Mouth and I Must Scream.”
There goes King putting his name on my shit again.
I’m betting they’re already stuffed and mounted, like Norman Bates’ mother.
[Fixing the strikeout. Thanks!]
Okie-doke.
Oh, cruel, crude derisive leftists. “Hey Spitzer, Finger Hookers, Not Wall Street!” Thank goodness for decency.
That ‘People’s Cube” is worth a look. I just bumped into it a few days ago. Looks like a lot of work, but all for fascism.
…heaving the burning dog bed into the pool.
Fixed.
FYWP!
Meant to strike out the word “bed”
“Burning dog.”
That was my first thought too.
I actually [i]left my vacation[/i] to draw that Spitzer ‘toon.
Don’t know HTML. Also.
If Jesse Malkin ever ‘hikes the Appalachian trail’ to Manila, the resulting Tri-State area explosion will make Three Mile Island look like a wet firecracker.
Can’t. Fucking. Wait.
Jesus Christ it’s cold in here.
Michelle Malkin is a TV character like Miss Piggy or Kermit the Frog.
She will always say stupid crazy things, but so what?
Malkin’s job is to confuse you into caring about national politics. National politics is a game designed to screw you innuendo.
[revised one of the lower grafs, btw.]
I think it is very very unfair to attack Michelle and her fellow bloggers for material they wrote several news cycles ago. How are they supposed to remember Elliot Spitzer, whoever he was? It’s like trying to remember that Farah Fawcett died once you heard that Michael Jackson died. The essence of American innocence is the principal that if it happened yesterday, it didn’t happen.
Oooh, oooh…
I can actually hear Malkin saying this.
Well done, Gavin.
Pictures would be nice, though, but that’s just me.
Inspired. In-fucking-spired.
Whoever your pharmacist is, Gav, he or she deserves a raise. Brilliant as always. Thank you.
She’s a mother? Oh. My. Spag. Those poor fucking kids. I feel sorry for the teachers, day care providers, coaches and any other adults that have to deal with those kids. They will have the unenviable task of trying to impart some level of sanity on kids that get no such guidance from crazy mommy or psycho daddy. And, yes insipred with broken crockery and the bent lawnmower blade. Also.
Great writing.
thinking about four handsome boys
Like, woah.
http://www.2knowmyself.com/Subconscious_mind/ego_defense_mechanisms
Expecting Malkin to remember Spitzer is unfair – like expecting Meggles McCain to know of events that occurred prior to her birth.
Shorter Gavin:
“Hypocrisy, thy name is Malkin.”
But can Beltway conservatives Republicans keep their cracks to themselves?
—————————————————
It’s those damn Beltway pants. Even Republicans know that nobody wants to see Republican cracks, but they listen to that damn “sock hop” music and they just have to drive around nice neighborhoods dressed up in “sock hop” fashions and show off their Cling, or whatever, and ruin everybody else’s good day.
And the names they use! “Derb.” “Allah.” “Iowatenspottoaloanshark.” “Joe the Plumber’s Crack” … what do they even MEAN?
It’s the worst, most destructive, anti-American fashion ever to hit the airwaves, “sock hop” is, and I wish to goodness it would go away and take all that Republican crack with it.
Two words: Ug. Lee.
“Tanning” in the Argentine winter?
Second tincture’s post above. Hilarious, apt and tremendous passage in particular.
Boy they hate it when we try and view the world through their glasses.
What’s that about a shellfish father?
Strange. Your mock rant made more sense than the real thing.
That’s why I always wear Sansabeltway pants. They always keep my crack to myself!
Just want to echo the “brilliant” claims. That was freakin’ beautiful.
Man, just about everything La Malkkkin spews out can ultimately be reduced to the following statement:
“Do As I Say, Not As I Do!”
Malkin said: “It’s the mom in me thinking about four handsome boys on Father’s Day weekend …”
Yechh. Who knew that incest-by-proxy was a neo-con family value?
“Tanning”
That’s apparently what the kids are calling it these days. Know what I mean, nudge-nudge?
Epic title win.
To say she has a double standard is to make a manifold error – & to unfairly denigrate double standards.
Reading this actually gave me flashbacks to my childhood and I got an upset tummy.
There goes King putting his name on my shit again.
I guess I wasn’t the only one who noticed that The Green Mile was Mefisto in Onyx only not as good…
I think Michelle is like the lead character in the film Memento. There’s no other explanation, except for the “she’s batshit crazy” one.
” Oooh, oooh, if conservatives even dare to say anything against their fascist tryings-to-destroy of conservatives just for living, they will unfairly lie that the real liars are us and the real destroyees are them — lying with their opposite lies and their backwards accusings of up-is-down lying…”
“It’s the Mom in Me” = one of Bob Dylan’s more underrated songs.
Takes a daddy like you
To get through
To the mom in me
(“bold chin” = nice writin’.)
You can’t tan in Argentina in June. It’s winter.
I think Michelle is like the lead character in the film Memento. There’s no other explanation, except for the “she’s batshit crazy” one.
Either that, or she’s hoping to co-host Saturday Night Live with Tom Hanks so they can do a “Mr. Short-Term Memory” skit together.
Great, great post, Gavin.
Man, just about everything La Malkkkin spews out can ultimately be reduced to the following statement:
Waaaaaa!
Going with hookers about whom you care very little is, from a family values standpoint, probably preferable to falling in love with your mistress and blowing up your whole life to be with her. But family values is bullshit, so point to Gov Sanford.
The spawn will be either catatonic or spree killers by the time they’re out of high school.
One is a gay porn star, frequently cast in “Asian” roles, even though grandparents are from an archipelago, not the Asian continent. Breakthough role- Shogun Wanasukyu in Bonin’ Ronin.
The other has joined the Abu Sayyaf Islamic separatist group in Mindanao. When confronted about conversion to Islam, retorted to mother, “Just keeping the family’s anti-pork tradition alive.”
But can Beltway Republicans keep their cracks to themselves?
Words. I am lost for them.
This guy Gavin’s gettin’ good. Damned good.
Bravo!
That’s all very well, but it’s also quite close to the truth. Ms. Malkin almost certainly suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) with a little psychosis mixed in. And that ain’t good for the kids.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/symptoms-of-borderline-personality-disorder/
“The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.
This disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person’s emotions and feelings. Relationships and the person’s emotion may often be characterized as being shallow.
A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:
* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
* Chronic feelings of emptiness
* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms”
My ex-wife was a lot like that.
michelle malkin is someone’s mom?