24 Body Count: Episode 2

SPOILER ALERT, COBAGZ!!!! Don’t click below the fold if you haven’t seen tonight’s episode…

Here are Jack’s stats for tonight (yearly totals in parentheses):

Kills: 4 (8 for the year… Jack gets bonus points for blowing one of them up with a cell phone)
Tortures: 0 (0… this is really disappointing so far… it’s just won’t feel like a new season of 24 until Jack electro-shocks some guy’s nads)
Federal officials punched/knocked out/shot: 0 (3)
Bad guys who committed suicide before squealing: 1 (2)

Not a bad night overall. Jack spent a lot of time hiding in a ventilation system and/or being held hostage, so he didn’t get to engage in his usual mayhem. But on the bright side, there were a lot of close-ups of him clenching his face tightly and saying “Son of a BITCH!” under his breath. I expect a full return to form next week. Prediction: 5 kills, 1 torture, 2 federal agents assaulted, and no pre-interrogation suicides.

UPDATE: Thanks to GuinessGuy for reminding me of the most important statistic of all:

Number of terrorist plots foiled by an ex-Hobbit: 1 (1)


Comments: 13


I wonder what his dad thinks of “24”.


Who, Hawkeye Pierce? He prolly thinks it’s a’ight.


Dammit! Thanks for the warning, but I read it anyway. Can you ban my IP address please?


Don’t forget to add bonus points for Samwise saving the fuckin’ day…


Good call, gg. Will update.


I’m glad the show is finally back!


Donald Sutherland, foolio.


Wait, I’m confused. There’s people that watch 24?

But more importantly, shouldn’t it be: “SPOILER ALERT, COBAGEZ!!!!”?


l4m3!0, who the hell do you think was the original Pierce?

Brad is totally hitting above his age.


Donald Sutherland is the ONLY Hawkeye Pierce in my book. Alan Alda is just a wannabe soandso.


Damn straight Bradrocket!


Dang bitch you be ooooold.

“Oooh, I’m soooo old. What was that young whippersnapper? Pass me my earhorn. Ohhh, my sciatica…”


Sounds like you should take a poll. We could run a blog pool on Jacks’s stats….


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