If you listen closely, he calls it “Hillary” before he swats it.

Won’t somebody please think of the larvae?

My preznit kicks ass!

Now if only he could start bossing around the Iranians like old times!

Cripes, Obambi! A real preznit woulda pulled out his six-gun and shot it!

The fly obviously knew about Hussein X Miyagi’s birth certificate.

Thing is, if he hadn’t taken immediate action re: the fly, in short order he would have had to swallow spiders, cats, dogs, horses etc

Another body on Obama’s Death List…

PETA does not approve!

PETA does not approve!

Silly me for thinking that was a joke.

Cheney would have snatched out of mid-air with his long, sticky tongue.

it. …would have snatched IT out of mid-air.

Can haz more Red Bull?

Was that one of the flies that was mysteriously removed from his house?

…mysteriously removed from his house?

Win.

Comptroller Musca Domestica…

Ah, Danier-san! Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.

Oh. Wait. He only swatted it down.

Fuck Bush’s flightsuit, that is badass right there.

Was that one of the flies that was mysteriously removed from his house?

I heard it was killed in its office and dragged to a nearby park where a suicide note was found written in handwriting that suspiciously looked like Hillary’s.

Explains the broken arm. This way, she can’t give an identical writing sample.

Won’t somebody please think of the larvae?

My candidate for “win.”

Oh my god! He performed a partial birth abortion on the fly!

Fox News Headline: Obama Orphans Maggots.

The DARPA guys were just having a bit of fun with their new portable surveillance/DNA extraction tools.

I would have thought the PETA thing was a joke too but I recently got a scathing email on match.com for saying in my profile that I’d be happy to kill any bugs with the effrontery to be creeping about in my prospective dates’ homes.

United States of SHAFT, baby.

I would have thought the PETA thing was a joke too but I recently got a scathing email on match.com for saying in my profile that I’d be happy to kill any bugs with the effrontery to be creeping about in my prospective dates’ homes.

The PETA folks need to get a friggin’ grip. You can’t for one minute get me to believe that any of them wouldn’t do whatever was necessary to exterminate a palmetto bug (actually GIANT FLYING ROACH) if it was running or flying at them in their house. Likewise, I doubt they show much mercy towards the head lice that their kids bring home from school.

I operate on the general principle that a bug has made an unfortunate life choice if it has decided to come into my home, or, god forbid, colonize my body. Because it is going to be exterminated with extreme prejudice in the most environmentally neutral way possible, but exterminated nonetheless.

Because it is going to be exterminated with extreme prejudice in the most environmentally neutral way possible, but exterminated nonetheless.

I like to wrestle them to the ground then put them in a figure four leg lock. Gives them a fighting chance.

any of them wouldn’t do whatever was necessary to exterminate a palmetto bug (actually GIANT FLYING ROACH)

I have two words for that: wiffle bat.

The PETA folks need to get a friggin’ grip.

Ya think? Their current crusade is to protest the throwing of dead fish in Pike Place Market. I heard one them (a PETA guy, not a fish) on the Ron Reagan Show blathering about how it robbed the fish of their dignity. Shit, I don’t care what happens to my corpse after I die.

George W. would have run from the room or hidden under his desk while Cheney, Kristol, Wolfowitz, Perle, Pipes, etc. agitated for a Global War On Bugs.

Clinton would have dazzled the fly with a big, folksy grin, convincing it to establish a Housefly PAC to lobby for federal funds.

Bush Sr. would have ordered the fly to be assassinated, and make it look like an accident.

Reagan would have kept talking, oblivious to the fly’s presence, even when it landed on his unblinking, glassy eyes and started laying eggs.

Carter would have mediated a housefly summit, with a breakthrough agreement for a homeland, and protected international status for all displaced insect refugees.

Ford would have tried to swat the fly, but miss, giving himself a black eye, and, somehow, a broken leg.

Nixon would have disintegrated it in mid-flight with laser-beams emitted from his eyes.

Shit, I don’t care what happens to my corpse after I die.

Corpse-flinging at Pike Place Market!

LBJ would have pulled out his enormous cock and swatted the fly with it …

JFK would have hooked up with the fly for sex later …

Ike would have … dunno, something about golf …

This is confusing: Chuck Norris is afraid — very afraid:

President Obama:

…You scare me because your actions don’t reflect the federal governmental constraints and fiscally prudent principles of our Founding Fathers and Constitution.

You scare me because you repeatedly still play the blame game with the Bush administration but never blame the Clinton administration, even though it was responsible for the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac subprime fiasco via the proliferation of loans to unqualified borrowers.

You scare me because you buy and run the banking, automobile and (soon) health industries with taxpayers’ money but refuse to call it socialism.

You scare me because you claim to be a fighter for minorities and the promises of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness yet do not defend the unborn.

What greater minority is there than those in the womb, against whom you already have enacted more pro-abortion laws than anyone since the Roe v. Wade decision?

You scare me because you promise to defend the U.S. against all potential enemies yet pacify those harboring terrorists, fight for the rights of combative detainees, and enable the enemies of Israel.

You scare me because you deny America’s Judeo-Christian heritage before other countries of the world, espousing “the promise of a secular nation” during an age in which religious revisionism is on the rise. (Thank God for Rep. Randy Forbes, R-Va., and others like him, who even now are trying to preserve America’s religious history by proposing the passage of a bill that would create “America’s Spiritual Heritage Week.” Call or write your representative today to support it.)

You scare me because your media team (including the mainstream media) seeks to label as radical, quarantine socially or in some way penalize any opposing conservative voices (such as conservative talk show hosts, news agencies, columnists and actors, such as Jon Voight).

You scare me because your media team does not address or diminish in any way your deification before the world, epitomized by the editor of Newsweek who stated this past week on Chris Matthews’ MSNBC show: “In a way, Obama’s standing above the country, above the world. He’s sort of God.”

(How much scarier can it get than representative statements like that in a republic that once stood for a balance among political powers and a government “by the people, for the people”?)

Sincerely,

Chuck Norris

H/T GOS.

BTW, before I Google, should I even wonder if there is a “National Association for the Advancement of Unborn People”?

Fuck, I should have known. God-dammit.

And how the fuck has the Obama administration “penalized” Jon Voight?

Truman would have swatted it while saying “the fly stops here.”

You scare me because you deny America’s Judeo-Christian heritage before other countries of the world, espousing “the promise of a secular nation” during an age in which religious revisionism is on the rise. (Thank God for Rep. Randy Forbes, R-Va., and others like him, who even now are trying to preserve America’s religious history by proposing the passage of a bill that would create “America’s Spiritual Heritage Week.” Call or write your representative today to support it.)

Because nothing will stem the tide of godless communism and rampant extremist Islam than an honorary week.

Shorter Chuck Norris:

You scare me because I’m a bed-wetting pussy with the brain of a fruit-fly.

Shorter Chuck Norris:

You scare me because I’m a bed-wetting pussy with the brain of a fruit-fly.

*SWAT*

Mission accomplished!

And how the fuck has the Obama administration “penalized” Jon Voight?

By making him appear in ridiculous movies like “An American Carol” and estranging him from his daughter, silly.

Maybe this whole fly incident has completely frightened Chuck Norris.

Hmm, maybe one of those Chuck Norris “facts” actually is accurate:

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

FDR wouldn’t have feared the fly.

Hoover/Coolidge wouldn’t have done anything, as swatting flies is beyond the scope of reasonable government.

Harding’s wife would have killed the fly.

Wilson would have let the fly determine its own destiny. If its plans were anti-capitalist, then he would have killed the fly.

Taft would have eaten the fly.

Roosevelt would have open the doors to let more flies in.

McKinley would have gone out to the White House lawn to educate the flies about the civilized ways of the west. He would have stepped on a few.

I mean, Obama was moving so fast on that fly, Chuck probably had flashbacks to the way Bruce Lee pounded his ass.

George W. Bush would’ve swatted ineffectually at the fly, then attacked a mosquito in another house.

LBJ would have pulled out his enormous cock and swatted the fly with it …

After picking it up by its ears.

By making him appear in ridiculous movies like “An American Carol” and estranging him from his daughter, silly.

His daughter was pretty strange to begin with ….

The only thing that would have been cooler would be if he declared, a la McBain: “This White House is a No-Fly Zone.”

Good thing we didn’t elect McCain.

But – Chuck Norris can’t be scared of Obama. It would go against every internet tradition ever, and the universe would explode. Unless…

A challenger appears!

http://www.mydd.com/story/2007/12/15/1819/7238

But – Chuck Norris can’t be scared of Obama! That would violate every internet tradition ever, and the universe would end in an apocalyptic infinite regress of contradictions! Unless…

A challenger appears!

http://www.mydd.com/story/2007/12/15/1819/7238

Did you ever notice that some men always leave the toilet seat up?

That’s the joke.

Hey you fly! Get off my lawn or I call the cops!

(h/t to Rusty for the inspiration on the McCain thing)

You suck McBain!

*ducks*

I recognized this talent immediately for the survivalist purpose it serves. (How many elementary school years did President Obama spend in Jakarta again?) I’m someone who grew up in the sub-tropics–and by that I mean, hot, sticky, non-USA countries where air-conditioning is something you find in banks and boutiques, if you’re lucky. When it comes to flies, either you get your food or they do. And when it comes to mosquitos–scary, thumping-great mosquitoes, too–it’s either eat or be eaten. I laugh at my New Yorker friends who shriek about the tiny little bug they call a cockroach, and I generally paraphrase Crocodile Dundee while holding up two hands held at least six inches apart: “That’s not a cockroach; THIS is a cockroach.”

Best bug-description ever courtesy of the American South: Skeeters so big theys can stan’ flatfooted an’ assault a turkey.

Geez, Chuck, what doesn’t scare you guys?

“…robbed the fish of their dignity. Shit, I don’t care what happens to my corpse after I die.”

Well, Nom nom nom…you have no dignity. After all, look where you post.

Also, Obama scares The Chuck?

I knew he was a badass. Now he’s objectively a badass.

“And how the fuck has the Obama administration ‘penalized’ Jon Voight?”
I’m not sure. It was the Bush administration that ruined the “cowboy manwhore” schtick for everybody.

There needs to be a new line of “Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad” jokes.

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad…

…that good Christians thought Noah’s flood came back just from Chuck’s bedwetting.

I got nuttin.

El Cid should be E! Cid!

The fact is, Obama pressured me to disown my poor father several years before being elected. The man’s perfidy knows no bounds.
Also.

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad…

…Chuck’s face moved

FDR, in addition to not fearing the fly, would have welcomed the hatred of flies.

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad…he acted scared.

Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad Chuck now wears a chador to escape notice. Unfortunately, Obama is a wingnut fear connoisseur and can distinguish the fruit leather and wooden top notes of a Norris fear with one sniff.

Palin would have taken the fly out with a high-powered rifle from a helicopter

Romney would have encouraged the fly to have as many offspring as possible.

Huckabee would have fried up the fly in a popcorn popper.

Biden would have made an off-color “Spanish Fly” joke, and then taken credit when someone else killed it.

Gingrich would have tried to divorce the fly after hitting it, but before it actually died.

John Edwards would have screwed…I mean sued it.

Why is this on *the news*, goddamnit?!

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad…he acted! scared

Fixed!

My president does whatever a spider can.

Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad Chuck forgot to try to sell him a Total-Gym. In a taped infomercial.

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad …
…that he nun-chukked himself on his steroid-shrivelled nuts.

Must… avert… eyes… but can’t look away

Waitaminute – I thought Chuck Norris was dead.

Dead Fly Twitching!

Actor stole my joke. No fair.

Chuck Norris so scared of Obama, he ran away back to the 1970s.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama that Fred Thompson-supporter doofuses stopped stealing his Facts for Fred.

DN, that’s what you get for leaving it lying around the kitchen table while you were taking a dump. This is America, remember?

Rusty – maybe Levi will end up on a reality show called Pimp My Johnston.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Barack Obama he made a Huckabee campaign ad in his underwear.

What greater minority is there than those in the womb, against whom you already have enacted more pro-abortion laws than anyone since the Roe v. Wade decision?

Norris should stick to choreographed fight scenes and sucking Huckster cock.

Fetuses are hardly a minority, since every single one of the 7 BILLION “miracles” now abusing Gaia was once a fetus.

As usual, logic fail for the overly-emotional, scared-shitless wingnuts.

Fetuses are hardly a minority, since every single one of the 7 BILLION “miracles” now abusing Gaia was once a fetus.

No doubt. I was horrified to learn recently that there were 1 billion starving children on Earth – and a big chunk of that horror was because that means there are more than 1 billion children on Earth.

Fetuses are hardly a minority, since every single one of the 7 BILLION “miracles” now abusing Gaia was once a fetus.

Yes, but it’s such a minority because each one’s minority status is temporally limited. It’s entirely unfair.

If we were a real Judeo (Hee hee, yah right) Christian nation we should pass laws so that fetuses are kept in a pre-born state and women are required to carry them forever.

Rusty – maybe Levi will end up on a reality show called Pimp My Johnston.

Or Who Wants to Marry a Dumbass?

If we were a real Judeo (Hee hee, yah right) Christian nation we should pass laws so that fetuses are kept in a pre-born state and women are required to carry them forever.

If you’ve had kids, you’ll understand what I’m about to say:

It sure as hell feels like it already!

If we were a real Judeo (Hee hee, yah right) Christian nation we should pass laws so that fetuses are kept in a pre-born state…

I’m carrying a few million around right now. IN MY PANTS

One time, Obama swatted a fly so hard, the original genome from which all life evolved felt it, thus simultaneously disproving Intelligent Design and scaring the shit out of Chuck Norris.

It sure as hell feels like it already!

I do not have kids, but surely it’s obvious that women’s inherent sinfulness makes them deserve the permanent hell of pregnancy. I mean, is this not clear from the Old Testament’s hatred of women? Jeesh.

I’m carrying a few million around right now. IN MY PANTS

No, “pre-born,” not “pre-boner”.

Flies are the white males of Liberal Fascism!

I do not have kids, but surely it’s obvious that women’s inherent sinfulness makes them deserve the permanent hell of pregnancy.

Oh, I wasn’t talking about the pregnancy. I refer to the chore that they never fucking grow up and stop whining about “I want!” or “I need!”

I swear to God, you’d think they were bankstahs!

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, now he can only perform square-house kicks

I wish Mr. Obama had taken Mother’s advice. If he had, the American people could have seen that he’s the sort of person who wouldn’t even harm a fly….

Clearly a metaphor for something – let’s ask Newt, maybe he knows – I think he’s still on the floor.

So now what lefties. Clearly another power-grab by the fascist executive branch. Only Congress has the power to commit America to war – and this blatant act of aggression against Muscomorphae is an outrageous breach of the Constitution.

IMPEACH!

PETA is wigging out about this fly-swatting because that’s what they do. I’ve long suspected they’re a conservative ratfuck to make liberals look bad – although two things have me more or less convinced otherwise: I’ve met sincere vegans who were just as crazy, and conservative ratfucks aren’t that clever.

The wingnuts are wigging out about the fly-swatting because with that nothing more than that under his belt, Obama has more combat experience than all of them put together.

Xecky,

I sit in awe of that last line. I really do.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, his new TV series is ‘Run-Awayer, Texas Ranger’

Bush and Cheney issued a statement today saying that they could have swatted it if they wanted to but it was hiding in a really out of the way place and they got distracted by chasing something else.

I sit in awe of that last line. I really do.

Really? Thanks – Here I was just regretting the extra “that” in it. Damn Strunk & White.

Obama: Lord of the Flies?

Rumor has it, Cheney has already put in an order for ‘fly-sized safes’ in light of yesterday’s assassination attempt on Obama

And how the fuck has the Obama administration “penalized” Jon Voight?

Well, on Nov. 4, 2008 there was this thing that happened where all them wingnuts grabbed their ankles and got penalized by the American electorate.

PETA’s response, Part The First:

In a nutshell, our position is this: He isn’t the Buddha, he’s a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act.

PETA’s response, Part Deux:

As we all know, human beings often don’t think before they act. We don’t condemn President Obama for acting on instinct. When the media began contacting us in droves for a statement, we obliged, simply by saying that the president isn’t the Buddha and shouldn’t be expected to do everything right—if not for that, we would not have brought it up.

It’s the media who are making a big deal about the fly swat—not PETA.

However, we took the opportunity, when asked, to point out that we do offer lots of ways in which to control insects of all kinds without harming them, including the humane bug catcher we sent President Obama. There is even a chapter in PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk’s book Making Kind Choices about how to rid your home of “uninvited guests.”…

…We support compassion for all animals, even the most curious, smallest, and least sympathetic ones. We hope that everyone will take inspiration from Nobel Peace Prize–winner Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who believed that even insects were deserving of compassion and who would stop to move a worm from hot pavement to cool earth. Aware of the problems and responsibilities that go along with an expanded ethical code, Schweitzer said that we each must “live daily from judgment to judgment, deciding each case as it arises, as wisely and mercifully as we can.”

First, if journalists are calling up / emailing PETA for a ‘response’ to this, this is the equivalent of all sorts of juvenile FOXNOOZ pranks.

Second, It’s not so awful. There’s some reason to it. I mean, yeah it seems ridiculous, but it’s not like I’m going to go around saying “FUK U BUDIST FAGGIT” if someone urges us to try to be consistent in our approaches to other creatures. I may not follow the creed too well, particularly with regard to mosquitoes.

Obama can smell Chuck Norris’ fear.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris – but when Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Mark Foley Obama.

It’s not like Obama went grinning into the Rose Garden with a honking big tank of DDT and started spraying willy-nilly like the little boy in The Godfather!

The fly annoyed him. He swatted it. One on one! Mano a musca!

And besides, I saw Island Of The Dead and believe me, better the fly than Obama!

These guys have it right.

Ah, that ain’t no big deal – he probably just visualized the fly as being the head of AIG.

Holy fuck, never mind the fly – you’ve got a POTUS that scares the shit out of Chuck Norris! Mr. I-Can-Bend-Rebar-With-My-Anus sounds like he’s in dire need of a sugar-titty & a turbocharged hugbox. Damn, & I thought his having Colbert’s head shorn was badass.

Now I want to hear that he makes Clint Eastwood cry, & that Vin Diesel now has to wear adult diapers lest anyone say “Obama” in his presence … President Barack Hussein Totally Fucking Hardcore Motherfucker Obama, has a nice lilt to it, don’t ya think?

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he will henceforth accept roles only in August Wilson plays.

I BREED PEDIGREE FLIES AS HOUSE-PETS (I’M REGARDED BY SOME AS MONTANA’S PREMIER FLY BREEDER).

LBJ would have offered it a massive public works project if it’d go away.
JFK would have had Bobby kill it. Slowly. Just to watch it die.
Ike would have had Dulles and the CIA off it.
Truman would have nailed it with a bottle.
FDR would have started a public works project to eliminate flies prompting the republicans to start campaigning on a “pro-fly” platform.
Hoover would have tried to swat it, and miss.
Coolidge would have gone to take a nap while Mellon gave another tax cut to himself.
Harding would have made it a member of his cabinet and invited it to his poker game
Wilson would have had one of the “colored” servants deal with it or would simply had glared it to death.
Taft would wonder how Roosevelt would handle it, then pass it off to the Senate to deal with.
TR would have gleefully shot it between the eyes and mounted its head on the wall.
McKinley would have swatted it, and then covered its body with a white handkerchief.
Cleveland would have declared that swatting flies was none of the government’s business and vetoed a bill.
Harrison: who cares?
Arthur: Would have swatted it, much to the surprise of the fly who expected to get a kickback.
Garfield: would have dithered what to do until Blaine came in to kill the fly for him.
Hayes: would have let his wife gently removed the fly from the room.
Grant: would have killed it with cigar smoke.
Johnson: would have let the fly run for Congress from one of the former confederate states.
Lincoln: would have tried one fly swatter after another until he found one that works damnit!
Buchanan: would have run shrieking from the room like a little girl.
Pierce: would have had another drink.
Fillmore: would have killed it while the fly wondered who the hell “Fillmore” was.
Taylor: would have told the North he was pro fly swatting while telling the South he was against it. In the meantime Henry Clay would kill the fly.
Polk: Would have invaded Mexico to kill flies there!
Tyler: whatever he did, both the Whigs and Democrats would hate him for it.
Harrison: would have tried to kill the fly but would drop dead trying.
Van Buren: Would form a coalition of northern and southern fly swatters.
Jackson: Would kill the fly AND a few Indians just for the hell of it.
Adams: would have killed the fly but while speaking French (Adams, not the fly)
Monroe: Would have had JQ Adams kill the fly for him.
Madison: Would have tried to get the British and French to compete to kill the fly.
Jefferson: would have killed the fly, and then studied it under a microscope.
Adams: would have blamed Jefferson for the fly then slapped the fly in jail for insulting the President.
Washington: would have killed the fly in a gentlemanly manner thus setting the model for future Presidents’ fly-killing.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he’s gone into hiding between Mike Huckabee’s chins.

Woodrowfan,

I tip my hat to your coriaceousness

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he re-named his guns “Sasha” and “Malia.”

maybe Levi will end up on a reality show called Pimp My Johnston.

Wouldn’t that be Bristol’s reality show?

Also,

Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad Chunk preemptively gave him his lunch money.

No doubt. I was horrified to learn recently that there were 1 billion starving children on Earth – and a big chunk of that horror was because that means there are more than 1 billion children on Earth.

I wonder if the Pro-Government-Control people (frequently misnamed “Pro Life”) care 1000 times more about American Idol results than they care about starving brown children – or 100000 times more.

I has a leathery texture??

We hope that everyone will take inspiration from Nobel Peace Prize–winner Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who believed that even insects were deserving of compassion and who would stop to move a worm from hot pavement to cool earth.

That’s funny – I do exactly the same thing, because earthworms are harmless & actually helpful to the soil. Besides, any critter that forms massive hermaphroditic orgy-balls is okay in my book. But if I see a fly & it’s in range, that fucking disease-vector-with-wings is toast.

Common sense: PETA fails it.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he’s buying Total Gym infomercial time on BET.

Little-known fact: Obama can block Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks with his tie.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he pissed his Spanx.

Obama is so tough, he won the WWE world championship and never left the Oval Office.

Doesn’t moving a worm from a hot pavement to a more comfortable environment run the risk of that worm propagating his ‘don’t wiggle on hot things’ trait to further generations, thus causing more unnecessary suffering?

By the way, PETA kills animals in its care. Really. About 2/3 of them.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama that after the President’s official visit to Austin, he became Walker, Argentina Ranger.

By the way, PETA kills animals in its care. Really. About 2/3 of them.

Actually, the dirty secret is that most of those animals commit suicide — and who could blame them?

Obama foreclosed on Chuck Norris’s round-house. Chuck Norris’s fear of Obama was declared too big to fail. When Obama plays hoops he stays cool as a cucumber: Chuck Norris sweats instead.

…propagating his ‘don’t wiggle on hot things’ trait to further generations

Evil-utionist!!!

Why do worms wriggle on hot things anyways? (temperature hot, not Megan Fox hot. A desire to wriggle on Megan Fox doesn’t need explaining) Answer, they don’t. They wriggle on the damp bits of ground that they can’t tunnel through. The trait is highly beneficial as it promotes the spread of the species.

The problem occurs when that “stretch of stuff they can’t tunnel through” is a bit of pavement that not only stretches much farther than your typical bit of rock, but also has no cover or shade. Thus worms frying on sidewalks is just another example of Man destroying natural habitats and disrupting life for all other species. Then again, they eat us when we’re dead, so I’d call it even.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama that he might even consider freeing his slaves.

>LBJ would have pulled out his enormous cock and swatted the fly with it …

>After picking it up by its ears.

HAAAA!

(But not sure the whippersnappers will get it.)

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, that he’s filming a new movie on witha schaky handicam called the Black President Project.

We hope that everyone will take inspiration from Nobel Peace Prize–winner Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who believed that even insects were deserving of compassion

Inspected!
REJECTED!
Now you know, PeTA.

Then again, they eat us when we’re dead…</blockquote.

…or would if they were big enough.

Eh, fail.

Obama foreclosed on Chuck Norris’s round-house. Chuck Norris’s fear of Obama was declared too big to fail. When Obama plays hoops he stays cool as a cucumber: Chuck Norris sweats instead.

Very, very impressive.

The problem occurs when that “stretch of stuff they can’t tunnel through” is a bit of pavement that not only stretches much farther than your typical bit of rock, but also has no cover or shade. Thus worms frying on sidewalks is just another example of Man destroying natural habitats and disrupting life for all other species. Then again, they eat us when we’re dead, so I’d call it even.

Parasol Entitlement For The eArthworms!

Worldwide economy saved yet again by Sadly, No!

Woodrowfan–I bow in awe of the master

Indeed, tigrismus and Woodrowfan must share custody of the internets, which they have won

Chuck Norris is so stupid that the average bag of hammers is embarrassed to be compared to him.

Also Jon Voight.

The PETA people deserve something for their courageous fight. Since even insects are deserving of compassion, I suggest we get each and every one of them their own Cestoda to care for.

Barack Obama scared Chuck Norris so bad that Norris is now a force of none.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama that the Cowards’ Association of America refused his membership, citing image concerns.

Wetas for PETA.

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama, he’s willing to leave DOMA and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in place, continue domestic spying and indefinite detentions and spurn universal government-administered single-payer healthcare.

Oh dear.

By the way, PETA kills animals in its care. Really. About 2/3 of them.

Actually, the dirty secret is that most of those animals commit suicide — and who could blame them?

First PETA tortures them by forcing them to watch Pam Anderson movies.

Chuck Norris
Under the bed
Heartland, USA

Your roundhouse-kick-to-the-face-ness,

I have been hearing a great deal about your association with various “facts” and find that it troubles me greatly. I had always considered you a paragon of conservative values, a literal shining knight on a hill. I am sure you are well aware that “facts” have a liberal bias, and to see your name in association with such…

Let’s get PETA on record for how we should show compassion for head lice and crabs.

Wow, R.B. I’ll bet Chuck Norris is scared of this:

http://www.impactlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/giant_weta.jpg

Let’s get PETA on record for how we should show compassion for head lice and crabs.

Those crazy bastards threw red paint on me when I showed up at the Academy Awards in my fabulous head-lice-and-crab-skin coat.

Let’s get PETA on record for how we should show compassion for head lice and crabs.

And how about a little love for intestinal parasites?

Obama slapped that fly so hard he killed an airline pilot thousands of miles away

Chuck Norris so scared of Obama that he asked to have the name “Chuck Norris” taken off the “Chuck Norris Facts” website just so Obama wouldn’t get any ideas.

Wouldn’t it be funny if PETA headquarters collapsed due to termite infestation? In a sad way, of course.

In a sad way, of course.

How can something collapse sadly?

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama he is now a Poodo champion.

Who is Jain Galt?

How can something collapse sadly?

Believe me, I’ve done it. Repeatedly.

It was probably a Christian fly. That is why the non-American muslim Obama killed it!

That’s what Fox News told me.

Barack Obama is a socialist swine whose Presidency is illegitimite. He is a mohammedan who was born in the East African nation of Kenya. Come on now, if Obama has nothing to hide then why hasn’t the State of Hawaii released his birth record?

The leftwing Hawaiian government is in the bag for Obama, they will not release his birth record because it will prove that Obama was born in Kenya and therefore is not eligable to be President. A special election would then be required by law, and since the Democrats have royally fucked the economy and our international prestige in the short time they’ve been in power, the American people would vote overwhelmingly for the Republican candidate.

So what is it libs? Why do you think the State of Hawaii has refused to release Obama’s birth certificate? I think the answer is obvious to all but the blind and niave.

First PETA tortures them by forcing them to watch Pam Anderson movies

Wait. Do you mean BarbWire or her film with Tommy Lee?

Who is Jain Galt?

I think it’s Jain Voight.

Righteous Bubba said,

Wetas for PETA.

On some other blogüe, I was informed it was Wetas for feta (or with feta).

Chuck Norris is so scared of Obama he’s writing his columns under the name Gary Ruppert from now on.

Wait. Do you mean BarbWire or her film with Tommy Lee?

Barb Wire, definitely. Even the description on imdb is prescient:

21st century. USA. The second civil war. The whole country is in a state of emergency. What was formerly called the American Congress now rules with fascistic methods…
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi401802009/

Um, obviously this means NObama is the anti-Christ because, you know, who else could swat a fly without it getting away just in time besides the DARK FALLEN ANGEL LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD.

/wingnut

My car used to be owned by Jain Voight.

Help meeee! Help m-

Obama’s Fly said,

Hey, unlike Clinton’s, I stay up!

I heard a fly buzz when I died;
The stillness round my form
Was like the stillness in the air
Between the heaves of storm.

The eyes beside had wrung them dry,
And breaths were gathering sure
For that last onset, when the king
Be witnessed in his power.

I willed my keepsakes, signed away
What portion of me I
Could make assignable, and then
There interposed a fly,

With blue, uncertain, stumbling buzz,
Between the light and me;
And then the windows failed, and then
I could not see to see.

Seen, seen, seen it all…

Well libs, you still haven’t answered my question. What do you think of Obama now – now that his hands are stained with blood hemolymph?

Well libs, you still haven’t answered my question. What do you think of Obama now – now that his hands are stained with blood hemolymph?

Murder in the White House!!!!
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/230968/june-17-2009/murder-in-the-white-house—fly-widow-interview

Aha! He’s a hemolymphomaniac you say?

Caught undoing his fly(s) while in office?

IMPEACH NOW !!!!!one!!

I’m a human fly

Boy, this is going to prevent any right-wing pundit from using the phrase “If only I’d been a fly on the wall of the Oval Office…”

Could have been worse. Could have been a PENIScopter.

Could have been worse. Could have been a PENIScopter.

Jeff Goldstein could have handled that one.

Jeff Goldstein* could have handled that one**.

* I think that’s Godlstein in the video slapping the cock.
** huh huh huh…you said handled that one huh huh huh

That fly was Ronald Reagan, reincarnated.

O’Riley would have swallowed the fly, but then O’R would have jigger-spliced the film to make it look like He swatted the fly. Perhaps He’ll die.

Washington Post slides another step closer to Moonie Times. I’m sure you’re all reading about it already.

That fly was Ronald Reagan, reincarnated.

We could turn this into a whole M.C. PeePants episode – what lowly creature will Reagan be reincarnated into next?

Potato bug. Duh.

Banana slug, of course.

It was a representative from a superior planet, coming to warn our leader of impending disaster. Oh well.

Jeff Goldstein* could have handled that one**.

* I think that’s Godlstein in the video slapping the cock.
** huh huh huh…you said handled that one huh huh huh

Silly. Dan Collins is the only person who gets to handle Jeff’s cock.

Unfortunately, that fly was the result of a tragic experiment in which Joe Biden tried to mix his DNA’s with a common housefly. His voice was too small to cry out his identity before the hand came swooshing down.

I guess we’ll have to learn to love ol’ Fly Head on Biden’s Body now.

and move that apostrophe+s to the end of housefly, if you please, dear readers.

What this thread needs is more XTC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXhY1GX5dhU&NR=1

Pedantic note: this song was banned by the BBC for some stupid reason (per Wikipedia: for making allegedly lewd references to the famous statue (“in my fantasy I sail beneath your skirt”).

And a new post goes up. My work here is done.

OBAMA HAS NOW PROVEN THAT HE IS A REPTILIAN GREY AND IS THEREFORE NOT QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT (NO AMERICAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND CLEARLY AN ILLEGAL ALIEN).

FOR WHAT ITS WORTH, I’M PRETTY SURE THAT THE FLY IN QUESTION HAD BEEN PRE-STUNNED WITH FLUORIDE CHEMTRAILS, AS ITS BODY WAS RIDDLED WITH MORGELLONS.

massive hermaphroditic orgy-balls is okay in my book

IT’S A COOK-BOOK!!!

See, when I hear PENIScopter I think of this.

(That this should be my first comment here, unless WP screws me over. Sigh.)

Has Sarah Palin made a statement deploring Obama’s killing of the fly?

Or Newt?

Has Sarah Palin made a statement deploring Obama’s killing of the fly?

Or Newt?

Obama killed Newt?

Chuck Norris is so afraid of Obama the contents of his colon decided to secede from the union.

Chuck Norris is now in favor of socialized medicine after having to pay for Obamophobia treatments out of pocket, because his insurance wouldn’t cover it.

Chuck Norris is on Obama’s short list to be My Little Pony Czar.

Chuck Norris is so afraid of Obama he volunteered to be his new bicycle.

America’s Spiritual Heritage Week.

I smell a witch burnin’ coming on.

Smells like… victory.

Oh no, not Vickie! YOU BASTARDS.

Obama killed Newt?

Only in our dreams.

The fly was obviously one of Michelle Malkin’s minions!

I always knew flies were Republicans.

Chuck Norris got so skeered of Obama that he curled up into a fetal position, reverted back to a zygote state…..and crawled back up into Phyllis Schlafly’s bitter, brittle womb….

….and died

….also

Help me…Help…me!

Yummm!

200th!!!

It’s a fake!

If you check the video you can see the fly fall before the he hits it and the left middle leg falls off earlier than the others…

Romney would have encouraged the fly to have as many offspring as possible.

Romney would have strapped the fly to the roof of his car, and it would’ve shit all over the back window.

If you check the video you can see the fly fall before the he hits it and the left middle leg falls off earlier than the others…

KERNING!!!!!

Upstream a bit, RB claims that wetas go well in bathing suits.
You have Miss California; here in NZ we have insects parading around in little bikinis.

Haha, he is a genius!