Them Panties. Take ’em Off.
Posted on June 9th, 2009 by Tintin
Shorter Don Surber:
ABOVE: Don Surber, The Pride of the Pocatilico
Don Surber, blogs.squeallikeapig.com
Lifestyle Taxes
- Democrats are thinking about taxing each bottle of Rebel Yell that I buy. They ought to tax fags instead.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Wow that really wasn’t hyperbole
IV drugs? Oh, yeah. You’d have to legalize them to do that.
Well, as long as he’s tearing off a litany of things to tax that he’ll never have to pay, I guess we should tax penises by the inch.
Please don’t.
.
A reader writes to Don Surber:
Why should the mainstream public have their lifestyles criticized and taxed, and not the liberals.
And you can’t help noticing how it’s so clearly stated, in fact utterly taken for granted, that sexual intercourse is regarded as part of the “liberals’s” lifestyle, and not as part of the “mainstream public’s” lifestyle.
Damn, Tintin, you’re giving us a tour of wingnut toilets.
Better hurry if you want to get a calendar out for next yr.
That’s right Dan, & every penny of the money the gov’t. “makes” goes right to the multi-miilion dollar executive salaries they gov’t. pays.
I ♣ Dan Surber.
If there is an equivalent of Absolute Zero in Wingnuttia, it would have to be arguing that we’re creeping toward Teh Socializm based on our implementation of a concept introduced to America by notorious pinko Alexander Hamilton. I can only conclude, ladies and gentlemen, that Aaron Burr is the Klaus von Stauffenberg of liberal fascism. Also.
There always seems to be a hint of jealousy in the ranting of repressed wingnuts about those hedonistic, amoral liberals. “Curse you librels with all yer sex and yer sekyalur musac and yer families with less than eight kids… sigh…”
” government run sperm check stations on every street corner would provide(hand) jobs and we could cut down on advanced STDs also.”
Sign me up!
Don’t they already tax fags in the US? They do here in the UK and also throughout most of Europe although some countries tax them less than others which leads to a lot of smuggling.
I never thought I’d be saying this, but Surber is on to something here.
How about a tax on stoopid?
That’s Don’s “lifestyle” and it’s sure cost us all a lot more than anything he’s come up with.
Fxd.
Parents, pet and livestock owners, if you see M. Surber lurking near your home, fire at will.
ça brûle… ça brûle …
How about a tax on stoopid?
Called the Lottery.
Still, I think with this post is important to note, indeed celebrate, the day when a dumbass discovers the concept of negative externalities. Tom Friedman stumbled across it several weeks ago, now Don Surber, who knows where this could end.
hey Don (we know you read this); howsa bout a tax on mammy-jammin’ possum- jumpers? using-meth-and-automatic-weapons? confederate flags? As far as your suggesting taxing abortions, fine, I’ll take two. Now, stop shooting doctors, you mammy-jammin’ possum-jumper !!!
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
Is it best when sipped while wearing nothing but a leather thong and watching the movie “300”?
What’s up with that dude’s teeth. Where’s he from? West Virginia? He is? Oh, then maybe he’s a dentist.
That photoshop belongs on the lobby poster for “The Hills Have Eyes 3: The Caucusing”
S,N! may have the best collection of outhouse photos on the innert00bz.
And you can’t help noticing how it’s so clearly stated, in fact utterly taken for granted, that sexual intercourse is regarded as part of the “liberals’s” lifestyle, and not as part of the “mainstream public’s” lifestyle.
The mind croggles at exactly how Mr. Don thinks the “mainstream public” reproduces. Maybe he thinks it works like fish: good Christian men just leave a small packet of spem on the bedside table, which the Good Christian Wife then collects and unobtrusively inserts.
Gee, it seems that Don didn’t care for my idea of a stupidity tax, since my comment was censored.
Perhaps it was my observation that, had such a tax been in place, George W. Bush would have left us with a surplus rather than another $4 trillion in debt.
Republicans once again up their game for real, honest and for true financial reform:
The wingers are slipping. They forgot a tax on dijon mustard also.
AIDS is a big problem. What do we tax to finance it?
Clearly, your feeble little mind, Donbo.
I ? Dan Surber.
Do you spay beeyotches? I thought you neutered them.
ça brûle… ça brûle …
Have we settled on this as the formal construct? I want to make sure to include it in my Internet traditions.
Well, that was enlightening. I read it, AND the comments.
These boneheads don’t seem to understand how taxes work.
“Tax fishing” – said, yuk yuk, sarcasticly. “Tax school children.” Sure thing, next time someone decides to do commerce by selling school children, a tax would be a good idea.
Hey everyone,
Good news, OT: Both Monday night’s Daily Show and the Report are must see — catch them on the intertubes at Comedy Central’s site, or where ever. Do it now.
Victory has been declared in Iraq!
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
What, number Twos?
“Tax fishing” – said, yuk yuk, sarcasticly.
Ironically, they do that already. Those yahoos are too stoopid to realize that those fishing licenses and lake use fees they pay for the privilege are taxes Republicans imposed so they can say they NEVER RAISED TAXES!
Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
What, number Twos?
No, no no, thingy!
Personally, I think we could kill two birds with one stone with these asswipes and tell them we’ll tax foreigners living abroad.
No, no no, thingy!
Oh, Thingy!
it’d certainly make working for Jackson Hewitt much more interesting…
Prudence Goodwife: your URL redirects to a login prompt.
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
It sound delish! I hope it comes in a Mason jar, for verisimilitude.
You know, I’m not so sure that “Rebel Yell” whiskey sounds so macho:
It sound delish! I hope it comes in a Mason jar, for verisimilitude.
It’s a storage medium for spermatozoAmericans?
The Surbhuman has never blocked me from commenting but when I do leave comments there I put a link to my thumb puppet depiction of him in the url box and he edits it out within minutes every time.
It’s a storage medium for spermatozoAmericans?
I think freezing would be better than canning for long-term storage, but either way: ew.
The Surbhuman has never blocked me from commenting
Does it to me all the time. I like to think about the fact that either he reads each and every comment as it comes in…meaning he gets an eyeful of what I say about him…or the Daily Mail had to hire a moderator, in which case I’m doing my part to keep another American job from being outsourced.
I think freezing would be better than canning for long-term storage, but either way: ew.
Jesus’ General commands us that we must value all life, so Jesus’ General tells us we must store our flagellAmericans in either a mason jar or sock.
Alternate Shorter Don: Ever’ mouf is purty, in its own way.
The attorney who interviewed me yesterday had an unopened bottle of Rebel Yell on his credenza. I sure hope it’s some sort of inside joke, and that the gentleman is not a wingnut, because I think they’re going to offer me the job. Here’s hoping. He is a trial lawyer, and a member of the trial lawyer’s association, and they aren’t generally in love with the party of tort reform . . . I tell myself this, anyway.
I used to date a guy from Ohio, who had grown up right on the other side of the river from West Virginia. He used to rant about the Surberlike stoopidity of many WVirginias. He would say that the only industries West Virginia had were kids and dope. Didn’t mean it in a mean way, he understood that poverty was the problem, but it made him furious that they would vote against their own best interests because of wingnut Babble-based social issues. He was the first to admit that his own side of the river wasn’t much better.
The attorney who interviewed me yesterday had an unopened bottle of Rebel Yell on his credenza.
I’d suggest he might have gone to Ole Miss, but you say the bottle was unopened.
If they increased the tax on books, no one in Surberland would ever have to pay an extra fucking dime.
Thanks Trig, it seems there is a problem with my website host.
It’s Tig. Sorry, I knew I would get that wrong.
Rusty: Nah, he’s an Iowegian and Drake Law grad, which is kinda why the Rebel Yell thing was so disconcerting. Nothing worse than a Confedrut Yankee, nome sane?
Fortunately, he didn’t strike me as very wingnutty.
Not a problem, just don’t ask what’s my sine.
Not a problem, just don’t ask what’s my sine.
Can I tell you that you have a nice tan?
Never accuse tigrismus of hyperbolic functions.
I have drunk the
fluids
that were in
the mason jars
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
As a matter of fact, I do have a nice, tan gent. I’d tell you where he is, but I can’t quite tell if he’s opposite over if he’s adjacent. Damn round tables always making things difficult.
Damn round tables always making things difficult.
I keep bumping into them at night and cursing “SOHCAH-TOE-A!”
Yes, but you’re so radian when you say it. No, not radian, what’s the word… oh yes: purple.
Yes, but you’re so radian when you say it. No, not radian, what’s the word… oh yes: purple.
It’s integral to my character, you see. I have a sinusoid infection.
And Smut, I’m speechless: you are on another, exponentially higher plane. One that serves really really bad food.
Don’t let that sickness kick your asymptote, Actor!
I will fight it with my teeth, nails and the parabola I took off the Mexican bandita on the other thread.
Actor, that’s a CLUB, not a spade!
Jennifer and Lawnguylander: one of the endearing features of Surberland is that he deletes the posts that disagree with him, but leaves up the comments referring to the deleted posts, making it even harder to figure out just what the hell is going on over there.
One of the most frustrating things about Sadly, No!’s graphics is trying to figure out which aspects were and weren’t Photoshopped.
I know this guy doesn’t wear overalls and hang around outhouses that look made from Popsicle sticks. But can those be his real glasses? His teeth? His haircut?
Well, here’s a pic, decide for yourself.
Here’s another.
It’s cold comfort, I know, what with not being applied as often as some might prefer – but there already is a tax on stupidity & it’s a rather Draconian one at that … for details, Google “Darwin Awards.”
El Cid, what’s unmacho about wearing a leather thong and watching 300? I think that’s TREMENDOUSLY macho.
Think about it — was the song “Macho, Macho Man” recorded by (a) Hank Williams, Jr or (b) the Village People?
And once again, the blue states pay more than their fair share.
“Is [Rebel Yell] best when sipped while wearing nothing but a leather thong and watching “300??”
Ah perfers ut over ass.
Candy, have you considered that this attorney may be not a redneck wannabe, but a Billy Idol fan?
I’m not sure that’s much better, mind you.
Sigh, everyone knows Reagan poisoned the gays with AIDS. He was the one who screwed that goddamned monkey.