The 2005 Random Top 8

Sure, we had planned on doing some special theme year-in-review sort of thing, but that was before we realized we’d have to do a lot more research than we’re willing to in order to get this post ready to start the new year. So instead you end up with leftovers and already munched on stuff we’ve been accumulating in 2005. Think of it as 8 things that weren’t good enough to make it into a post of their own so we crammed them together into this one instead. Yum!

  • 8. Most Annoying CNN Personality
  • It’s not easy being CNN’s most annoying personality. Bob Novak left some pretty big horns to fill, and he’ll have to work hard at Fox News to unseat the current champion there (Steve Doocy.) That leaves a pretty competitive field out there — especially since winning would mean edging out Becky Anderson. Able to throw her hands up in the air and wave them around like she’s about to start flying, Becky’s worked hard to earn the crown. Sadly, No! The honor goes to another overexcited Brit, Richard Quest, a man whose personality is as exuberant as it is annoying. With a level of enthusiasm not seen on television since Mike Levey passed away, Quest has simply replaced seizure-causing sweaters with ties designed for giants as the signature clothing accessory. If you want to be made to feel like figuring out whether size matters for hotel rooms is just as worthy of exuberance as a new cure for cancer, then Quest’s Business Traveller is the program for you.

  • 7. Most Hottest Wingnut
  • When you’re going up against Kaye Grogan, Justin Darr and Kelly Marsala, it takes a certain something special to win this coveted crown. Some might call it grace, others would likely refer to it as an apostrophe. Marie Jon’, of course, has both. Armed with little more than a blue like the sky sweater and curves that have kept Gavin M. up at night, Marie Jon’ used her creative skills in 2005 to run two smashing websites: PeoplePolitical and Sadly, Yes! (Both now defunct. We suspect it had something to do with this.) Whether she entertained us with her hate email bage or the 12 Supreme Court Justices (the Hanson Brothers were added in 2000 by President Clinton, right after he pardoned Marc Rich,) Marie Jon’ was always there to entertain us and, well, we’ll let Gavin tell the rest of this tale.

  • 6. Dumbest Thing Written by the WSJ Editorial Page
  • [Tied with 7,562 other things.]

    But instead the U.S. Secretary of State has to put up with lectures about the phony issue of “secret” prisons housing terrorists [sic] who killed 3,000 Americans. We put “secret” in quotes because the CIA could hardly carry on operations in Europe without the knowledge of the countries involved.

    So it’s not a secret because someone knew about it. Which pretty much leaves the length of Ann Coulter’s penis as the only true secret in the world.

  • 5. Best New Form of Criticism

    When blogger/law professor/Amber Frey lookalike Ann Althouse elevated the habit of making comments about movies one hasn’t seen to something better than actually seeing the movies before writing at length about them, she probably didn’t realize what a trendsetter she was.

    I’m not “posting a review.” I’m blogging, which means I can write about my thoughts however I see fit. I try to make it interesting for myself and for readers. Dutifully seeing movies and reviewing them — why would that be better? Because I ought to be fair to the guys who make movies? They don’t deserve fairness! They try to con us into going to see junk that we end up not liking — and they get our money all the time for that.

    We look forward to more of this in 2006, including but not limited to, restaurant reviews based on reading the menus posted in their windows, a review of a trip to France based on reading Rick Steves’ France 2005, and a discussion of one’s military experience based on sending troops to fight an unnecessary war in the Middle East (George W. Bush only.)

  • 4. Best Comment Posted to Sadly, No!

    Wow you guys are real tough making fun of 12 year old girls over the internet, because their ideals differ from your jewish fantasy. You niggers and yids are just mad that some whites have snapped out of the jew box and are finally thinking on their own. The KKK gets larger every day. The socialist party in Germany gets more votes every year.

    That’s a big ass nut!

  • 3. Best Headline for a Wingnut Article

    Another close contest in a year that saw a lot of great work. Among the contenders were Why Europe Deserves to Die, Liberalism’s ultimate goal: the destruction of Christianity through Social Security, and Believe it or not: abortion causes illegal immigration.

    The prize must go, however, to Linda Kimball: Who Is ‘Queering’ America And Why?. Remember to use that verb as much as possible in 2006 — if anyone catches you in an off guard, not totally heterosexual moment, be sure to reply: “sorry, HBO queered me up!”

  • 2. Best Thing That Happened in 2005 (non blog edition)
  • On June 7, 2005, our son was born.

  • 1. Best Bloggers in the Blogging Business

    Roger Ailes , The Poor Man, James Wolcott, TBOGG, No More Mister Nice Blog, Michael B?rub?, Digby, Firedoglake, Mdhatter, teh l4m3, Orcinus, Bitch Ph.D., Angry Bear, mithras, Busy, Busy, Busy, uggabugga, skippy the bush kangaroo, Jesus’ General, elementropy, Democratic Veteran, Crooks and Liars, Gavin M. and Brad R. Those two had no competition really.

    Well, that’s about it, really. The film ends mainly visually.

    [Gavin adds: It’s like Love Story, unfortunately. Brad and I suddenly die of leukemia, and the rest is a long montage of ugly cats and Red Sox season highlights…]

  • Comments: 12


    Goddamn you Gavin, I will have my revenge!!!


    And thus ends the latest installment of Masterpiece Theatre. God d4mn some cobag stole my bones.


    I know how you feel.


    Me too. We’re all boneless.


    I thought the drunken evil kitties post WAS the special theme year-in-review sort of thing.


    Dick Quest?? Come on. I know you only did it for the play on words.
    Clearly the most annoying CNN personality has to be the one sucking Obese Pill Popper Limbaugh’s micro-cock.


    I loooove you Rush *slurp, slurp*


    I loooove you Rush slurp, slurp

    I just threw up in mouth.


    Just. Eww.


    June 7th is truly a great day for a birthday and I’m not just saying that because our son was born on that date,too.


    After reading the hilarious article by Linda Kimball, “Who Is ‘Queering’ America And Why?” I have to wonder why she included this quote:

    “The religion which has introduced civil liberty is the religion of Christ and His Apostles…..This is genuine Christianity and to this we owe our free constitution of government.” —Noah Webster

    Since, according to her, civil libertarians are destroying America, and since, according to Webster, civil liberties originate from “genuine Christianity”, does this mean that Christ was an evil, bugger-loving “blackhearted son of destruction”?


    Did you mean big ass nuts (ass nuts! Roasted, salted, and ready to eat!) or big-ass nuts? I be all confused again.


    Just read “Who Is ‘Queering’ America And Why?” too. Why do the wingnutier conservative seem so obsessed with anal and/or homesexual sex??

    They can’t all be closet cases, can they?????


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