Sure, we had planned on doing some special theme year-in-review sort of thing, but that was before we realized we’d have to do a lot more research than we’re willing to in order to get this post ready to start the new year. So instead you end up with leftovers and already munched on stuff we’ve been accumulating in 2005. Think of it as 8 things that weren’t good enough to make it into a post of their own so we crammed them together into this one instead. Yum!

It’s not easy being CNN’s most annoying personality. Bob Novak left some pretty big horns to fill, and he’ll have to work hard at Fox News to unseat the current champion there (Steve Doocy.) That leaves a pretty competitive field out there — especially since winning would mean edging out Becky Anderson. Able to throw her hands up in the air and wave them around like she’s about to start flying, Becky’s worked hard to earn the crown. Sadly, No! The honor goes to another overexcited Brit, Richard Quest, a man whose personality is as exuberant as it is annoying. With a level of enthusiasm not seen on television since Mike Levey passed away, Quest has simply replaced seizure-causing sweaters with ties designed for giants as the signature clothing accessory. If you want to be made to feel like figuring out whether size matters for hotel rooms is just as worthy of exuberance as a new cure for cancer, then Quest’s Business Traveller is the program for you.

When you’re going up against Kaye Grogan, Justin Darr and Kelly Marsala, it takes a certain something special to win this coveted crown. Some might call it grace, others would likely refer to it as an apostrophe. Marie Jon’, of course, has both. Armed with little more than a blue like the sky sweater and curves that have kept Gavin M. up at night, Marie Jon’ used her creative skills in 2005 to run two smashing websites: PeoplePolitical and Sadly, Yes! (Both now defunct. We suspect it had something to do with this.) Whether she entertained us with her hate email bage or the 12 Supreme Court Justices (the Hanson Brothers were added in 2000 by President Clinton, right after he pardoned Marc Rich,) Marie Jon’ was always there to entertain us and, well, we’ll let Gavin tell the rest of this tale.

[Tied with 7,562 other things.]

But instead the U.S. Secretary of State has to put up with lectures about the phony issue of “secret” prisons housing terrorists [sic] who killed 3,000 Americans. We put “secret” in quotes because the CIA could hardly carry on operations in Europe without the knowledge of the countries involved.

So it’s not a secret because someone knew about it. Which pretty much leaves the length of Ann Coulter’s penis as the only true secret in the world.

On June 7, 2005, our son was born.