The Rant Tackles Global Warming

The Rant (or as it’s now called, “The New Media Journal”) has a typically insightful article up about global warming. Let’s take a look:

Ding-Dong, Global Warming is Dead!

World/Alan Caruba

December 19, 2005 – It?s always hard to determine exactly when a very huge, very bad, and very wrong idea dies in the wake of evidence that requires even the most reasonable person to conclude that it is, by and large, idiotic.

If you think he’s talking about intelligent design, you’ve got a big “Sadly, No!” coming your way.

It might be that global warming as a viable notion died when a Los Angeles Times reporter in early December wrote, ?Scientists studying Yosemite National Park?s bountiful wildlife have found that several animal species have moved to higher altitudes, an uphill migration possibly spawned by the grinding effects of global warming on one of the nation?s most protected wilderness.?

This is not news. It is mere speculation clothed in the majesty of journalism, but rife with the reporter?s opinion that Yosemite?s menagerie of mammals, birds, and reptiles are ?possibly? responding to ?the grinding effects of global warming.?

Either that or he was quoting scientists who think that global warming could be causing these creatures to migrate. Reading is such hard, hard work, isn’t it?

For my part, global warming is a theory, a claim, and a fa?ade for an agenda intended to destroy the economies of industrialized and third world nations alike.

Because that’s really what climatology is all about- destroying the global economy.

Why do I dare to mock global warming? Well, consider from whence it oozes forth to infect the world. I refer, of course, to the United Nations, sponsor of the recent 11th annual Climate Change Conference held in Montreal, Canada, and attended by more than 8,000 government folk, environmentalists, and scientists with nothing better to do.

Yes, they’ve got nothing better to do than discuss how to reverse changes in the climate that will inevitably result in more natural disasters. What a bunch of fags.

I am not saying that we shall be spared more global warming gibberish in the years ahead, but I do think we have turned some kind of invisible corner on it.

See, this is what I love about the folks at the Rant– they literally rely on invisible evidence to make their case.

Energy-loving Americans will not be denied. We have places to go, things to do, people to see! And the vast majority of us have quietly concluded that global warming is a crock; that global warming is a crackpot, half-baked notion that totally ignores the role of the Sun, the oceans, volcanoes, clouds, the total chaos we call our planet?s climate.

So to sum up, here is why global warming doesn’t exist:

1.) Because Americans want to drive SUV’s.

2.) Because climatologists are liberal elitists who want to wreck the world economy and force everyone to get gay married.

3.) Because Alan downed a bottle of scotch and started ranting about clouds and volcanoes.

Oh, but wait! Here’s the best part!

Advocates of global warming claim, of course, that they have little to do with climate change while ?greenhouse gases? such as carbon dioxide are the culprit. In case you were asleep in science class, CO2 is what every human being and other creature on earth emits after taking in a good lungful of oxygen. CO2 is also produced when we burn various energy sources and so what?

Yeah, it’s not like anyone can die from taking in too much carbon dioxide or anything.

In earlier eras, such as the Jurassic, there was far more CO2 in the atmosphere than now. More CO2 today would insure healthier forests and greater abundance of food crops. Is this a bad thing?

Hey Alan, do you know what the climate was like during the Jurassic period? That’s right, it was warmer. A lot warmer.


Comments: 48


Whoa! Talk about denial! I love how this and this and this are all just liberal plots to keep the writer from driving an SUV.


Good old Alan Caribou always good for a laugh. He should be cultivated and kept as a cute little troll for our enjoyment.


You know, maybe I’ve just been reading too many examples of delusional crap like this, or maybe it’s because we’re at the end of the year, but I’m starting to find the rantings of the Alan Carubas of the world to be more depressing than funny.

Please … can anyone cheer me up?


With apologies to Black Francis:

I write pure shit
And call it gold
Give gold to me
For writing this
Don’t take my car
My big fat car
My phallic crutch

Caruba! Caruba-ah! Carubaa-ah-ah-ah!


Give me more
Column space
And foregone
Lets me spew
Like volcanoes
I will get
A new car

Caruba! Caruba-ah! Carubaa-ah-ah-ah!



Thanks, Auguste. I feel a little better now.


“It might be that global warming as a viable notion died…” when a reporter wrote an article on a fact actually observed in nature, and included the global-warming-related hypothesis of actual scientists? Ding-Dong, “Alan Caruba has any credibility whatsoever” has now ceased to be a viable notion.


Auguste- I think that’s the first time anyone’s ever altered the lyrics of a Pixies song to be about a Rant columnist.

Congratulations. I think.


At least he believes there was a Jurassic Period. Although probably only from seeing the movies.


Alan’s idea that CO2 used to be more prevalent than today is, (surprise!) flat-out wrong. Air bubbles trapped in amber show that the oxygen content of the air was once much higher than it is today–30% vs 20%. Probably had something to do with the no-internal-combustion-engines-65-million-years-ago thing. And the greater land masses at the equator–today’s arctic and antarctic regions were equatorial rather than polar at the time, and covered with green, oxygen-producing plant life.


Advocates of global warming claim…

WTF? If there *is* such a thing as an “advocate of global warming”, I think the description probably better suits jackasses like Alan than climatologists.

And what the hell is that “World” thing in the byline? Is this the equivalent of “New York” or “Tokyo”? And if he *is* declaring himself Global Reporter, is it appropriate to be mocking the UN?


It’s too hard to understand, so…. you MUST be lying to me.

god bless america,

where banks leave the vault open and chain down the pens.(stolen quote)


The UN is behind this, I see…

Let me help Caruba out with his argument: the earth is actually going to *cool* as the swarms of black helicopters wash the ground in chilled air. It’ll be penguins in Phoenix before the oughts are out.


What we really need to do is constuct millions and millions of windmills. That should help cool things down.


Well really, whom are we going to believe — malevolent aliens and Earth sceintists, or Alan Caruba?


Did he really say “from whence it oozes forth”?

Is there any hope of the ghost of William Shakespeare rising up and beating his ass?


He is more dong than ding. He would have been more believable if he said global warmning was a scam to sell hybrids.

I am an energy-loving American. That’s why I want to make sure we conserve energy so that I have electricity for my future XBoxes and my children’s XBoxes.


Damn! He’s on to us.
– The giant liberal conspiracy to create the illusion of global warming.

– The giant liberal conspiracy to rid the world of Christmas.

Those liberals are a dastardly bunch, aren’t they?


Damn! He’s on to us.
– The giant liberal conspiracy to create the illusion of global warming.

– The giant liberal conspiracy to rid the world of Christmas.

Those liberals are a dastardly bunch, aren’t they?




By Caruba’s “logic,” I guess we should conclude that AIDS is a fictitious disease devised by socialists to undermine magic markets around the world. After all, the UN has held meetings about it.

Speaking of being asleep in science class…I think someone missed a few things about carbon dioxide absorbing infrared radiation (and why Venus is so different from Earth).


This is more or less the right’s entire argument against environmentalism. It doesn’t matter if the facts are correct, just that taking action would involve spending money for no economic return. And that’s downright SATANTIC!


One of our local wingnuts called today to tell the newspaper that a local utility’s wind power plan is “a watermelon, green on the outside, but RED on the inside.”

Sooo . . . wind power is a commie plot.

How do people think this shit up?


It’s scary that part of his resume is that he’s a “science writer.”

A science writer who can write 5,855 words about a scientific issue without using a single speck of science.

Caruba is a poop-head. There; now I can put it in my resume that I’m an author on brain chemistry.


Caruba doesn’t want his world to change one iota, and doesn’t want to believe that it’s a factor in global climate change and the nasty, extreme weather that will result. So he sticks his head in his ass and screams “la la la, I can’t hear you!” as loud as he can, and tries to get others to join in. He hopes that he never has to hear about the issue again, so that he can sleep easy, knowing that he doesn’t have to make any sacrifice at all nor have any responsibility for the future.

I know it’s evil, but after reading his ignorant screed I hope he has children and grandchildren so that they can suffer for his laziness, willful stupidity, and cowardice.


As an Advocate for Global Warming — unlike Alan, who just thinks it’ll be good for plant life (except for the fact that he really thinks it’s an UN plot that ignores volcanoes) — I’d like to clarify a few things:

1) I fucking hate Greenland, so anything that harms it and the people there is good enough for me!

2) I can’t wait until Manhattan is under enough water that I can waterski down 5th Avenue, because that would be the balls!

3) And those faggot penguins will get theirs!


It’s not evil, man. It’s fact. The more we fuck up the environment in our lifetimes, the more our descendants will have to suffer for it.

BTW, I’m pro-windmill in general. It’s just that, like the alien Morbo (and the writers of _Futurama_), and unlike the current administration, I believe in the scientific method. Windmills produce energy, but they don’t cool down turtles, which was the gist of the joke. And to continue the _Futurama_ references, there’s always:

Fry: “Thank goodness global warming didn’t happen.”

Leela” “It did. Fortunately, nuclear winter cancelled it out.”

Do you want the year 3000 to be a sitcom? If not, now is a good time to start preventing it.


I dunno. I think 2000 would have been a good time to start preventing it. At this point, I believe we’re just screwed.


Yes, the National Academy of Science has an agenda to destory our ecomony; the oil companies? No agenda, none at all.


Do you want the year 3000 to be a sitcom? If not, now is a good time to start preventing it.
Oh how I try, Oh lord how I do try…


I always wondered what happened to the kids who failed science in high school…


I have no problem accepting the hypothesis that global warming presents a real threat. It seems like a reasonable hypothesis to me. However, there is an even greater threat than global warming, and that threat is, you guessed it: LIBERAL GROUPTHINK! So, I’ve issued a musical GLOBAL WARNING!

Most of you don’t listen to much right-wing radio, or you may have heard my New Years song, MY RIGHT-WING RESOLUTION. Well, my resolution is to change the minds of liberals in ’06—to get them to give up their liberal groupthink, and the cyanide of cynicism that fuels it.

Before I drop this song on you, please note, the lines:

“…I’ve bin to “Sadly, No!”
Where the left-wingers go
When they feel hateful…”

don’t apply to Brad R., or Gavin, or Mr. x, or Pinko Punko, or mmm….lemonheads, or Dan Someone, or the more level-headed lefties among you, or to the silent majority of you who love me, or at least have evolved into having a love/hate relationship with me and/or my music.

Now, having proclaimed that disclaimer, I give you:

My Right-wing Resolution
words and music by Dr. BLT (c)2005


To Dumbass Blows Liberal Trout- Go home and blow the other Trotskyite Bush supporters and leave us alone! (If any of our gay friends were offended by that, please accept my apologies.)

After reading the Hi Carmba article I had to say something-here’s what I sent him.

That article was just a joke-right? With the disappearence of glaciers, drowning polar bears, polar ice pack reduction, is it really possible that a scientist could deny the possibility that our planet is getting warmer? Oops, I forgot that you are not REALLY a scientist, just another fucking Republican schill. Fuck off and die, assuck- or better yet, enlist in the military so you can fight in the war that you morons support.

Sorry, just googled you and you really are the uneducated, farther right than Stalin, right-wing syncophant that I imagined you were. How in the fuck do you live with yourself? Do all your lies, half-truths and distortions ever bother you? Or is it because the other wingnuts give you money that it’s okay?


Such ire on this New Years Eve, bronco214! Now, as I was saying before being so rudely interrupted:

Of course, since Power Line has been graciously posting and even endorsing every song I’ve been sending them of late, the vocal minority of haters at “Sadly, No!” (you know who you are) have now been openly exposed. It’s payback time! Of course, you hateful, vocal minority of “Sadly, No!” bloggers pay me with hate, and I pay back with tough love—tough lyrical love, that is.


BLT: “level-headed lefties”? Ouch! Someone just stepped on my feelers. Please pass the ointment. BTW, feel free to lump me in with any group you see fit. After all, if you can’t figure out where someone stands politically how can you function?


mr. x, I would “pass the ointment,” but I’m the fly in the ointment, remember? While you’ve been decidedly ambiguous in the presentation of your political views, I am deeply troubled that I have apparently prematurely labeled you. I take it back, and offer my heartfelt apologies for stepping on your “feelers.”

Let’s just say you appear to be more kind, benevolent, and reasonable than the average member of the vocal minority at “Sadly, No!”


BLT, I have told you before that I am an independent thinker. I side with some on some issues and others on other issues. I did not bristle at the “leftie” but rather the “level headed” part of your label. (just kidding) As to politics I tend to rail against whoever happens to be in power at the time. To me all politicians are equally worthless. But hey, what is it someone said once, something about we have the worst system in the world except for all the rest? I am glad that we can all disagree and discuss and get disgusted and not be killed for it here in this country. A Happy New Year to you and yours BLT, and to everyone here at Sadly, No! as well!


When climatologists resort to such subjective notions as “higher” and “lower” you know they are desperate. Everybody knows that when you hang upside down, the peaks of Absaroka range seem to be below the surface of Yosemite Lake, not above. Thus what appears to some as “upward movement” may well be a downward movement in another perspective.

(Not to mention that when a species moves to a colder place, it may mean that the species evolved to be more cold resistant. Humana keep moving to Florida and Arizona in any case.)

I would say “down with global warming”, except that it may mean “up”.


mr x., it’s good to have you aboard. You have not fallen prey to liberal groupthink and that is refreshing.

Happy New Year everyone! And to all, a good night!


“In earlier eras, such as the Jurassic, there was far more CO2 in the atmosphere than now. More CO2 today would insure healthier forests and greater abundance of food crops. Is this a bad thing?”

Ok, so Mr. Caruba has switched from debating whether global warming is occurring to debating whether it’s a bad thing, although he seems to dim to realize it. Of course it might seem like some phenomenon is not a bad thing if one steadfastly ignores any possible bad consequence.


“Let’s just say you appear to be more kind, benevolent, and reasonable”

What would an asshole like you know of such attributes?


“I can’t wait until Manhattan is under enough water that I can waterski down 5th Avenue, because that would be the balls!”

That reminds me of the Jaywalk All-star (for those who don’t know — who said that global warming would be neat because of all the beach parties.


Just to remind everyone here, BLT (above) is not Dr. BLT, but an apparent imposter, and a Dr. BLT wannabe. Sorry, BLT, but you could never be me, especially not with that attitude!

The dead identity giveaway would be my trademark refusal to resort to cursing and ad hominem attacks to make my point, even if I were to be arguing against myself. I hate nobody, not even myself that much.


Hey, moron, it says “to BLT”. And to call you an asshole is not an “ad hominem attack”, it’s an accurate description. OTOH, your talk of “liberal groupthink” to invalidate what people say is ad hominem. There are plenty of blogs where you can play with your own kind — asshole.


Oh, so you would have us engage in “The battle between Dr. BLT & BLT” just to ride my admittedly short, and rather tattered coat tails. Well it’s not going to happen, BLT!

Give it up, you’re no match for Dr. BLT. Your bread is stale and moldly. There’s no fresh bacon, so I wonder, could he be a beef, lettuce and tomato sandwich? But no, I find no fresh lettuce or tomato either. Then, when I look inside the sandwich you offer, I have to ask myself:
Where’s the beef? I offer food for thought. You can’t offer what you ain’t got.

And BTW BLT, I reserve the term “liberal groupthink” for those who actually now seem much more intellectually advanced in their manner of communication than you. If I were one to engage in ad hominem attacks, I’d probably call you a churlish troglodyte.

Now, if any of the rest of you were having trouble telling which ‘wich was which, I hope I have made that diacritical distinction abundantly clear.


Um, I don’t think anyone else was confused, because we read the part where the name said “TO BLT.”


Thanks, everyone. Had to search for this quack Caruba and could only find his unsupported, ignorant, and biased articles. And he calls himself a journalist? Sadly, I now know who the Heritage Foundation is, too! Shame both Caruba and the Heritage Foundation can’t get their facts straight. I would love to meet Caruba on a debate platform, but I reckon he stays away from the educated and informed so he can pilfer his nonsense to the uneducated who might believe him. Keep trying Caruba, but please be honest about who you are before you misinform people. Maybe they will be more able to discern your bullshit from the reality that is.

And it would be nice iof Caruba would keep all posts on his site, but alas, his arguments are too weak to stand up for themselves.


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