I’m Gonna Make This the Gayest Christmas EVER!

I’ve decided to take a quick break from my Christmas festivities to bring you this article about gay television from AgapePress:

Officials with the American Family Association say they expect a massive public outcry to erupt over the recent announcement that two homosexual cable networks will soon be widely available, compliments of some major cable carriers that provide services to millions of American homes. As a result, homosexual-oriented programming will be available around the clock for the first time.

“One o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock- GAY!
Four o’clock, five o’clock, six o’clock- GAY!
Seven o’clock, eight o’clock, nine o’clock, GAY

We’re gonna GAY around the GAY toGAY!”

“Creating a network specifically for the LGBT community is something we’ve wanted to do for a long, long time, and it’s an idea we feel is overdue,? Tom Freston, chairman and CEO of MTV Networks, said in a 2004 press release. “Despite our nation’s progress on civil rights and the growing visibility of gay people in business, society and even in television programming — what has been missing is a full-time home for this important and influential audience on television.”

Apparently Freston is neglecting to take into account another important and influential TV audience: parents.

Good point. They need to make a show about hot lesbian moms.

Ed Vitagliano, a researcher for the American Family Association, says he is hopeful concerned parents will make themselves aware of the prospect of homosexual-oriented programming coming into their homes.

“Vitagliano also said that parents should go a step further and prevent their children from ever seeing homosexuals anywhere. ‘Try to keep them indoors as much as possible,’ said Vitagliano. ‘Make sure you get their hair cuts at barbershops instead of salons. And for God’s sake, don’t take them to any women’s golf tournaments.'”

He says even though LOGO is claiming there will be no pornographic programming, parents are still due for a shock.

“It’s going to come as a shock when their children are scanning or flipping channels on the way to Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel and run across LOGO,” the researcher says. He anticipates children happening across programming that “will probably [depict] two men kissing — or at least having the kind of sexual content that you can get on the regular networks, like NBC or CBS, except that it will be of the homosexual variety.”

And will therefore be far, far worse because watching two dudes kiss is icky to the max.

According to the LOGO website, series in production include one titled “My Fabulous Gay Wedding” — and another (“Noah’s Arc”) that features a group of African-American homosexual men living in Santa Monica. A documentary called “Momentum” will feature stories on homosexual rugby players, transgender actresses, and teens with same-sex parents. LOGO says it is even planning to team up with CBS News “to cover LGBT stories and headlines in a professional and authentic voice.”

Tim Wildmon, AFA president, says he sees the potential for late-night programming on the new networks to turn pornographic as it targets individuals who define themselves by their sexual behavior. “The very nature of homosexuality is based on eroticism and the infatuation with sex,” he says.

Unlike heterosexuals, who apparently never have sex with anyone.

“[Therefore] one can expect the gay networks to follow the trend in offensive late-night programming such as we saw with NYPD Blue — only in a more deviant homosexual content.”

So what does that make it, NYPD Pink?


Comments: 48


Sounds like Vitagliano left his cake out in the rain…And he’ll never find that recipe…again [sob, sob].


Oh, this is HORRIBLE! If only there were some way for parents to prevent their innocent children from accidently running across this invasive, subversive gay-agenda-promoting, sodomite-recruiting programming! What we need is some method whereby parents can block certain channels that come in on the cable channels….

Hey, what’s this “block” button on my remote?

And this “Power” button on my TV?

And this “cancellation” phone number on my cable bill?

Will no one, NO ONE come to the aid of helpless parents, caught in the grasp of liberal HollyWEIRD, without a SINGLE WAY TO BREAK FREE?

(Two guys kissing. EWWWWW. In my head, that was Rush and Pastor Swank. I need to stop reading this blog now.)

Solstice Solicitations!


Absolutely outrageous! Especially since there are absolutely no other channels on TV, anywhere, and there’s no way to turn off the TV, and peole are bolted into chairs in front of the TV with their eyes forced open, with amphetamines pumped into their systems, making them stay awake to watch this radical homosexual propaganda!

When did the US turn into the country of the whining bitches?

Oh, and congratulations on your grades. I’m still finishing up my last project.


My favorite part is that the article contains that bold red Agape warning about descriptions unsuitable for young readers–by which they seem to be referring to Ed’s comment about two men kissing.

Oh, the horror! The horror!


So these morons haven’t heard of Bravo (pre, during or post is dissolution into a mere TBS clone), TCM, the Food Network or ESPN?

(ESPN’s always the one you least suspect.)


And will therefore be far, far worse because watching two dudes kiss is icky to the max.

OTOH, being one of the two dudes is, well, fun.
Oh, and a bit OY, did you guys know that S,N! is really damned slutty? Yow–nearly 3/4 slutty! You whores! I mean, you’re 3 times sluttier than P.Z. Myers! Jeepers!


Holy shit! World O’ Crap is even way sluttier than Sadly, No! How the hell did that happen? s.z., you got some ‘splainin’ to do!


Well, it’s past midnight here, so Merry Sex Mess, everybody!


It’s only 10:30 here but merry fuckin christmas anywway assholes. 😀
As a side note, I hate to keep playing this “Canada’s better than you guys” card, but we’ve had a gay TV station for almost 2 years now. It’s called PRIDE. I never watch it, but that’s just because it seems to just have a bunch of gay talk shows on all the time.
Seriously can we please get past this gay thing? Like what fucking kind of medieval fucking parallel universe are we living in? Even south africa has accepted it, Elton John is married. Just give it up.
Now I’m off to wrap presents at the last minute. Merry Chrismahunikwannzika everyone!


This MUST be stopped!!!! Why, if I accidentally view this deliciously perverted, forbidden lifestyle of sin… I may be TURNED GAY!!!!!

Man, I’m so sick of these repressed homophobes.

I hear you can see people eating shrimp on TV, too.


HAPPY CHRISTMAS! WAR IS….still going on…



In my experience, it’s always the liberals who cancel their cable, and smash their televisions in disgust.

I guess the Pastor wants it done for him.

how… liberal… of him


y’know, when I had cable in the US, I had five Christian networks. And I couldn’t make any of them go away.

Here in Britain, I have the option of subscribing to something that calls itself the GOD network. It would cost me an extra ?2.50 a month, same as if I signed up for the GAY channel.


The broadcast airwaves here in Ioway are often so lame we get infomercials and god-TV to fill in the ponderous gaps in the boring network line-up. Yes, surprise folks, the answer is that damn power button. I know it’s scary, but you can do it. Just like grad school: you think it’s all encompassing and you can’t get away, but then it’s simply over and you haven’t died or anything. And happy Festivus or whatever to you all!


I hope they’re not still showing Flintstones reruns on the cartoon network!

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, They’re a modern stoneage family.
From the, town of Bedrock, They’re a page right out of history.
Let’s ride, with the family down the street, Through the courtesy of Fred’s two feet.
When you’re, with the Flintstones, Have a yabba dabba doo time, A dabba doo time, You’ll have a gay old time!


I wonder if these nutters are aware that there’s already a gay-oriented channel out there? It’s called Here!; but–like all the adult channels–it’s pay-per-view.

Anyway. God’s probably up there like, “There’s wars and all kinds of other shit goin’ down on your planet, and your tightie-whities are in a wad about gays having a television channel that isn’t pay-per-view?! Oh my Me.”


This channel is probably subscription-only, making the outcry even more stupid.


I must agree that all shows and channels that promote a homosexual lifestyle are inappropriate for public viewing. Similarly, all channels and shows that promote a heterosexual lifestyle need to be censored too. What’s good for the goosers is good for the ganderers.


Ooo ooo …will they show the gay cowboy movie?


Dorothy: And this “cancellation” phone number on my cable bill?

It’s easier than that and it always was. You literally don’t have to do a thing. It takes effort for you to pay your cable bill; it takes no effort at all to not pay it. Do nothing and, thanks to the underlying mechanism of free enterprise, in a short time your home will be entirely free from any interference from those sex-mad villains in Hollywood. The same thing applies to that stream of smut pouring through your internet connection.


happy gay solstice kwanzaa eid, everybody!

may the gay magi have visited you on yesterday, and shared with you the brokeback mountain spirit of the season.

and to blogwhore: first comprehensive wingnut all-star is up

my gift to thee!

hark the herald fucktards sing, they’re batshit to the last man/ peace through war, hatred toward man, glory to, nuts of wing!


MTV is doing this channel, huh? Holy crap, this is the worst possible news… for gays.


And do these people even know what agape means? Here’s a hint to those bugwits, hatin’ on gays is out of the range of acceptible definitions.


I prefer that they don’t get their own channel. What makes that group of sinners and more special than the rest of us sinners?


“…and more special” should read “…any more special?”


“And do these people even know what agape means?…”

One thing agape love does not mean is that to show agape love, you have to agree with everything the person you love says, or does.


It also doesn’t mean every time the person comes up, even obliquely, you make a point to say how much you disagree with them, how wrong their lifestyle is, and how treating them the way everyone gets treated equates to special treatment. And “getting” a channel of their own doesn’t mean they’re “more special” than other groups(like Christians, Latin Americans, black folks, women…um, nevermind), it means someone thinks they will be a profitable group to market to.


I’ve had LOGO for a couple of months now on DirecTV. I don’t watch it, because, well, I’m not that interested in it. But what really bugs me is the half-dozen televangelist channels. I want a pro-rated discount on my bill, dammit!


It’s interesting that nowhere in the Agape Press article is there any sort of information about how one could call one’s cable company and ask them to block that specific channel, or ask about a package that doesn’t include it, or how many cable systems allow you to lock out channels and programs with your remote control, or anything like that.

One might almost think that the point of this article is less to help actual parents keep their actual kids from seeing gay TV channels (which thus far seem to consist of talk shows and old sitcoms, which is why I can’t be bothered to watch) and more to stir up general outrage about those people and their special rights and how they insist on forcing their way into your home. (Just like, as tigrismus points out, Christians, Latin Americans, African Americans, teenagers, women, hunters, news junkies, animal lovers, DIYers, compulsive shoppers…)

Everybody distracted? Everybody angry? Everybody ready to dash out and vote for who we tell you to because who else will protect you from those people?


“It also doesn’t mean every time the person comes up, even obliquely, you make a point to say how much you disagree with them, how wrong their lifestyle is…”

I have to agree with you, tigrismus, at least on this part of your statement.


But, but, what about the War on Christmas? Who won?


Well, soon Dr. BLT will be able to have a ‘family-friendly’ tier of channels from his local cable provider.

The cable providers are attempting to stem to movement toward a-la-carte programming, where you’d just subscribe to the channels you’d actually find interesting enough to watch.

This would end the current practice of cable operators throwing in cheaper channels to offset the cost of the more expensive channels that they carry on their service.

I have the Dish network, so pass the popcorn, this will be fun to watch.


I actually consider paying for all those channels I don’t watch to be the price of having the channels I *do* watch, like the Discovery Science channel and the National Geographic channel. I’m only speculating, but it seems unlikely to me at least that enough people would be willing to pay for those channels individually to make them viable, and then I wouldn’t be able to get them even if I personally *was* willing to pay.

So I figure my neighbors are subsidizing my Prehistoric Monday habit in exchange for me subsidizing their Golf Network habit.
I worry the whole thing breaks down if we go a la carte, and we all just end up with channels that can suck in massive herds of demographic sheep.

But, hey, I’m a liberal and I’m all about the communal good and that sort of thing.

Although, there’s also enlightened self-interest: who the hell wants to call the cable company and change your channel lineup every time a channel you don’t get suddenly starts running some show you like?

And I dunno who won the war on Christmas, but the crucifix-wearing woman in the Hallmark who’s been wishing me Merry Christmas since the first week of December turned pink and apologized for saying it again today. Apparently, on the twenty-sixth, you don’t get to say “Merry Christmas” anymore.
Who knew? I wonder when she thinks the twelve days of Christmas *are*?


Well, Sidhe, Boxer Day is now over, and I don’t believe you are from Canada, or else I’d wish you Happy Boxer Day. And, much to my chagrin, I’m not sure when the “twelve days of Christmas” actually begin and end, so I’ll wish you a Happy New Year.

One of my New Years Resolutions is to single-handedly save you from the cyanide of cynicism. I know that this is kind of like asking a young child to give up his/her warm, cuddly “blankie,” but believe me, Sidhe, this in your own best interest.


C’mon, Sidhe, hand it over. Would you believe me if I told you it hurts me more to ask you to give it up, than it would for you to simply give it up?

Wait! Let me rephrase that:
Knowing your predilection for persecuting me, it’s going to hurt me a lot more. The future tense applies here, and because of what I’ve asked of you, I’m now getting very tense about that very future.


In response to Doc’s quote,
“I prefer that they don’t get their own channel. What makes that group of sinners any more special than the rest of us sinners?”
There’s a funny thing about sin. It’s subjective, and, well, completely subjective. What’s that got to do with the price of anal beads in China?


“There’s a funny thing about sin. It’s subjective, and, well, completely subjective.”

That may be true to a certain extent, mmm…lemonheads, but most of the time we (including myself) simply use that to rationalize what we know in our hearts to be wrong.

The one thing that is not subjective is that we all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. So, mmm, if the human condition were the lemon, God, by sending us his son to die on the cross for our sins, turned our lemon into lemonade. But instead of charging us 5 cents a glass, He offers it for free (kind of like my songs, only some of those may not be as sweet). The problem is, most of us are either not thirsty enough, or we ignore our spiritual thirst, and so it can never be quenched.


Wow, Doc, you never fail to miss the point, and in this case, even your own. Your comment insinuated that gay people, by having their own channel, might consider themselves “more special sinners” than the rest of us. First, anyone’s reading on the Sinmeter(TM) is irrelevant, as sin is subjective (and for some the concept doesn’t even exist). Second..aww hell, there is no second. You’re a rather harmless troll, Doc, but if you can’t focus on the topic (a gay TV channel) it just makes you a rambling troll.


As I look upon my blog entries, they do seem to take on a bit of a circumlocutory quality. I stand corrected mmm…lemonheads.



My New Year’s resolution is to ignore the trolls, particularly those who invariably address me as “People”.


Sidhe, I don’t recall addressing you as “People,” but if you think that’s bad, how would you like to be addressed as “troll” or, worse? Anyway,the New Year hasn’t even begun, and you’ve already broken your resolution. That gives me more hope that mine will not be broken.


My problem with all-gay television networks is that they will probably suck, and not in a good way. Look at Lifetime and Spike.


Your mea culpa is duly noted, Doc, although I expect the same inanity in the coming year. And I sincerely wish you a happy one, as happy conservatives are slightly less annoying.


mmm…..and allow me to add this:

A less persecuted conservative equals a happy conservative equals a slightly less annoying one.

In other words, mmm…lemonheads, you are what you eat.



It depends on WHAT they’re happy about, lemonheads. I mean, I certainly don’t wish for anything that would make Michelle Malkin happy.


Ha ha – I like the one about going to barbershops instead of salons.

The barbershop I go to has 5 female barbers, and only one male barber. I refuse to state whether some of the women are (quote) “butchy”.


i hope this channel isn’t subscription only that’ll suck. ill still be forced to watch straight sex 24/7. like kink on showcase and all their other half baked shows. but wait if this channel is free ill be forced to watch lesbian and gay sex.. well im glad im bisexual i guess.




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