I couldn’t believe your Shorter, so I clicked through.

Damn me, damn me, when will I learn?

Because that’s what J’Onan would do, right?

This “narcissism” (or even “malignant narcissism”) thing is getting old fast. Well, not that the world-view of these fools isn’t already ancient, but you know what I mean.

Maybe it’s a dog-whistle pitched too high for most of the curs even to hear. I don’t get where they think they’re going w/ it.

I wonder how hard it would be to convince the right that Sotomayor is lesbian, too, just for the fun of it. In looking at her bio it does seem she’s been single since getting a divorce in ’83. I should email Ace.
Also, that would mean, by the transitive properties of Jonah’s infallibility, that Obama is the homogay.

Oh, also, Pam Atlas did this.

Oh okay, well I suppose Jonah must have thought Cheney was a total narcissistic douchebag for selecting himself as Bush’s VP.

Wait a minute, that can’t be the same Jonah Goldberg who said “I’m a long time member of a pretty select group: the Dick Cheney Fan Club.”

mmkay.

In other news, unintentional lolz from the Times Opinion Page:

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/opinion/index.html

TODAY’S HIGHLIGHTS

Maureen Dowd and Thomas L. Friedman are off today.

Goldberg shows all of the nuanced intellectualism and deep understanding of a flatworm. Womaen and brown people can be Judges, fartbrain. Fuck off if you don’t like it.

God forbid that a President pick a justice that may reflect his own or his party’s ideological leanings. After all, Alito was a centerist, ‘kay?

Gosh, all of those “rare WWII photos” of not-WWII but before WWII. They reminded me of just how similar Obama & Hitler are, what w/ Obama’s new super-socialist party coming from nowhere & purging the entire gov’t., the stars & stripes replaced w/ the Pepsi “O,”etc.

Jo-Load’s asterisk:

*Why not cut out the middlewomen and just name himself? Okay, maybe that would be unconstitutional, but he could resign with expectation that President Biden (shudder) would appoint him. Of course, this would also mean that Obama would have to step down as CEO of GM and Chrysler, as well as the majority shareholder in our biggest banks. And he couldn’t give primetime press conferences every couple weeks either. That is a lot to ask.

Look, I like alternate history/sci-fi as much or more than the next humanoid, but if are we going to be seeing nothing but “what ifs,” “it won’t surprise me when The Usurper usurps something,” & “look, this is proof that Martians have the Megalomaniacal Messiah under their control,” it will be less & less worth the effort even to mock this crap.

Alternate even shorter Johan Lodedhosen: They All Look Alike!

Any bets on which fReichtard will declare that if Sotomayor is appointed, the borders will be opened to every baby eating, job stealing, drug dealing Messican before 2010?

Maybe it’s a dog-whistle pitched too high for most of the curs even to hear. I don’t get where they think they’re going w/ it.

Uppity Negroz!

From a ‘conservative’ law professor writing in the New York Times:

IN nominating Sonia Sotomayor to fill Justice David Souter’s seat on the Supreme Court, President Obama chose someone similar to himself in experience and intellect. What may surprise those who have read criticisms of Judge Sotomayor’s personality on the bench — largely, descriptions of her by anonymous detractors as imperious and a “bully” — is that she also mirrors the president’s measured temperament.

Great, now Obamessiah’s imposing temperamento-fascism on us all. Soon the temperament police will be calmly forcing your door open and sending you to a re-education camp if you happen to be a crazy impulsive right winger. This is just like hell.

A 54 year old Latina from the Bronx has you shitting yourself Jonah.

You have no idea how fucking pathetic you are, do you?

I think Republicans love SCOTUS nominations because they get to truly showcase how much hypocrisy they are capable of AND how shamelessly they can whine.

Shorter entire right-wing blogosphere:

She turned me into a newt!

Her pronounced Bronx accent (sounds just like my father, she does) is a sign of her untermenschenness. Real Americans have southern accents to honor the Confederate cause.

Or is the correct word “untermenschenosity”?

Think about it, Dough tells us, Obama “sees all sorts of major issues through the prism of Obama.”

Attaboy, you tell him! We all know real men see major issues through the prism of their mother.

The real problem is how a female ethnic nominated by Obama can match the sort of noble objectivity as practiced by white male Republican Oklahomans:

In the months ahead, it will be important for those of us in the U.S. Senate to weigh her qualifications and character as well as her ability to rule fairly without undue influence from her own personal race, gender, or political preferences.

Thank goodness we have such figures of objectivity as Senator Inhofe above whose grand objectivity lets him know when to accuse Al Gore of testifying on global warming because he’s making money from it, when that shrieking harpie bitch Barbara Boxer isn’t using her crazy communist California ultra-feminist gavel powers to unfairly silence Inhofe from insulting the former VP.

Obama…sees all sorts of major issues through the prism of Obama

So if Jo’butt says that Sotomayor is a copy of Obama, that means that with just Obama, white light can be broken out into a rainbow, but if you put Sotomayor next to him the rainbow can be refocused into white light?

We all know real men see major issues through the prism of their mother.

Some mothers are more parallelepipeds than prisms. Depends on their diet.

He allegedly wants someone charming and bipartisan solely so they will seduce conservative members of the court to more liberal positions (I say “allegedly” because you often hear this ascribed to the White House, but never actually stated outright).

There isn’t a long enough *facepalm* for this. The justices that Republicans nominate are the sort of intellectual stalwarts that lose all ideological grounding when a colleague bats his/her eyelashes? THEY WERE TRICKED INTO IT

Maureen Dowd and Thomas L. Friedman are off today.

Try the fish instead.

Bill Kristol was, of course, right again.

Really, that man must have come from the future, because no one could have such a record of predictions by accident.

So Pam Atlas links to this which I Babelfished on the assumption that hey crazy. Not crazy. Worse. I guess maybe all the pictures of Hitler should have been a clue. Really though, the translated bitching about the extinction of the mammoth? After which the “Indians” turned on each other in a cannibalistic frenzy. Do people who take her seriously just not read the things she links to? FFS

Jonah sez:

After all, it is hardly news that Obama thinks very highly of himself,

In which, he links to three pieces:

1) a NY Sun article about reaction to a Ron Fournier AP piece saying Obama is arrogant

2) One of Jonah’s own missives at the NY Sun where he says Obama is arrogant

3) A weekly standard piece by Kristol where he says Obama is arrogant.

Yeah, I know, “extra extra, wingnuts use dubious wingnut sources to back their claims” – but I guess the trick is that Jonah has linked to things when he claims we “know” Obama is arrogant! Multiple links! Must be a slam dunk case, there are so many citations!

It must have sucked being a TA marking Jonah’s essays in college. Bibliography a mile long, but all the sources pure dreck.

“Soon the temperament police will be calmly forcing your door open and sending you to a re-education camp if you happen to be a crazy impulsive right winger.”

…while reading your Miranda rights from a teleprompter…

Pez and my comments are strangely complimentary. Jonah has a lot to learn from Atlas. Link to foreign language dubious sources which don’t actually prove your claim! This is an important wingnut innovation, rivaling kerning, and the invention of the Cavuto-mark.

Jonah Goldberg is a pig-fucking cretin.

It’s hardly news that Jonah Goldberg is a pig-fucking cretin. See, for example, this link:
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/21554.html/comment-page-1#comment-924492

This contrasts with reports of Jo’berg being a cretin-fucking pig.

You got cretin in my pig! You got pig in my cretin!

Pig-fucking cretin – two great tastes that taste like shit together!

Link to foreign language dubious sources which don’t actually prove your claim are central to your point!

Fixxed.

Think about it, Dough tells us, Obama “sees all sorts of major issues through the prism of Obama.” Attaboy, you tell him! We all know real men see major issues through the prism of their mother.

Thank you, Ted the Slacker, for making me laugh out loud this morning.

Really, there’s just nothing else to do but laugh at these evil soreheads. I bet even they don’t take themselves seriously anymore. At what point will they realize that all they’ve got not is “I know you are but what am I!!!” I-I-I-I-I-I!!!! [echoing down a long, long abandoned canyon]

I really got the feeling yesterday that the wingnuts had their columns and posts already written days ago with the terms “most left wing activist result oriented judge ever nominated in history” and just wiated to insert the name of the nominee, with multiple choice selections for “hispanic” “black” “woman” “homosexual” ready to select or delete as appropriate. They would have written the same thing if Obama had nominated Bertie Gonzalez.
The “illegal alien” thing is just a bonus. These fucking idiots haven’t noticed that Puerto Ricans are citizens, let alone New Yorkers.

dammit. “all they’ve got NOW.” coffee plz.

Chief Justice of what? Of the supreme fart, you say?

Uh-oh, hold Cid back. He loves that shit. Run, doughboy, run!

Honus: Yes, they had their memos ready, but they had prepared specific sheets for individuals they thought were on Obama’s short list. The Sotomayor blast fax was ready and got blasted as soon as word got out.

You have to hand it to Huckabee:

Huckabee: “Maria” Sotomayor Comes From “The Far Left”

Everything the Huckster knows about P.Ricans he learned from watching West Side Story.

Shorter Dough-hole: Any Black, Latino or other minority who is competent and confident is arrogant.

-G

It is indeed shocking that a man who wants to be president has a lot of self confidence.

Jonah cites three sources to show that Obama “thinks highly of himself”: The Weekly Standard, the NY Sun, and…himself!

By the way, how can one be narcissistic and also have empathy?

Agree that “narcissism” needs to be retired. My brother-in-law, a psycho-therapist, did say, though, that Bush and Cheney were narcissists.

One more observation: Chief Justice Roberts seems to have a lot of empathy for corporations.

Well now, **drum-rollllllll**… here is Doughy’s extended missive:

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NGM1Y2U0NTAzMjhkM2NlMGEyNDg2NTQwNzFiNzYxYWQ=

Empathy vs. Impartiality

When they conflict, the Supreme Court must choose the latter.

File next to other Doughy classics:

>Cat Poop vs Dog Poop

When you have time to clean up only one poop, Liberal Fascists will force you to step in the other.

>Dijon vs Arugula

When liberals aren’t eating, they should still be insulted.

D’oh’ey Pantload really outdid himself this time.

Maybe as a reward his mommy will suckle him for old times sake.

Shorter Dough-hole: Any Black, Latino or other minority who is competent and confident is arrogant.

Well, there’s Alan Keyes and Alberto Gonzalez…

oh, wait, you said “competent”, too? Whoops. Nevahmind.

BTW, from Pammy’s linken-gescheissen:

Everywhere in the world, also in Europe, enclave-politiek conduct Islam: Moslem ghetto’s make and then join tightly. Marcouch cut up in an Amsterdam for example relatively ghetto and Turkey becomes after accession to the EU complete very large

Rude pundit says everything that needs to be said about the subject of “empathy” in SCOTUS nominees.

Every Jonah shorter is: “Uhh! Uhhh! Aaaah… Mommy, come wipe my bottom!”

BTW again, doesn’t this nugget from Mr. Crazy Pammy Link sounds a lot like a Holocaust denier, i.e. “oh some people in the camps were killed but most of them died of cholera”=type stuff:

By inter-Indiaanse wars and epidemiën indeed many Indians died. Some treasures that after contact with the blanken survived only 10%. That does not mean however that the blanken assassinated 90% of the Indians.

Oh, no, of course not. Just a mere coincidence that the Europeans got here and all of a sudden the natives are all either dead or in “reservations: going all “What the shit just happened here?”. Hell, I bet if Martians had colonized North America all those filthy cannibalistic poo-eating illiterate non-dolmen-builders would have died anyway, so there, nyyyah!

(Oh, BTW Mr. Crazy Link Guy – no, the Native Americans didn’t erect dolmens and standing stones, but they were indeed known for a few of their own projects.)

It is indeed shocking that a man who wants to be president has a lot of self confidence.

It’s as if Obama is up on himself…his uppishness is just too much to bear for decent civilized folk.

Jonah cites three sources to show that Obama “thinks highly of himself”:

He just misses that humble, self-effacing fellow who preceded Obama. The guy with the Preznitial seal embroidered on his socks.

Great. I have a troll stalker.

The “decider” was the epitome of humility.

Don’t let the name change Fool ya – I still really, really, really hate women!

El Dic:

Not a stalker, a responder. Take responsibility for your actions.

It’s the Lex Talionis and The Fool believes in the rule of law, my brother.

Dale Huckabee has an important point with which liberals should deal.

Everything the Huckster knows about P.Ricans he learned from watching West Side Story the pool scene from The Young Savages.

FIXXerbated.

Just like when I go around hating on women, I’m merely ‘responding’ to their evil, whorish ways! Why do they bring it upon themselves?

The General is a feminist.

The faux General sounds like one of those feminazis that give real feminists a bad name. You know, the kind of feminazis who think that all heterosexual sex is rape and what not.

He’s the one that you love to hate!

You know, the kind of feminazis who think that all heterosexual sex is rape and what not.

Yeah, all three of them.

inevitably creates a Supreme Court Justice in His own image. Really. I mean, how typical.

So that’s how Clarence Thomas got nominated to the Supreme Court.

Barack the Megalomaniack, congenitally and hopelessly narcissistic

Sung to the tune of “Barack the Magic Negro” undoubtedly.

Three? Nah, there’s loads of those suppurating cunt bitchez out there. They should all be proper feminists, like The Fool, who really, really doesn’t hate women, no sir!

Worse than that, the stalker weaves stories around his issues. I hope someday he finds a community that accepts him for who he is, as difficult as it may be for him to believe.

How do you like my ‘performance art’, bitchez? I’m like Andy Kaufmann, only I’m a total fucking dickhole!

the pool scene from The Young Savages

Goddamnit, you link the words “pool scene” with the concept “Hispanic” and it isn’t a link to young hot Latina chicks capering in wet bathing suits? Dammit, I want my money back, you false-advertiser!

It’s the Lex Talionis

There’s an anal cream for that.

I’m like Andy Kaufmann, only I’m a total fucking dickhole!

I knew Andy Kaufman. I worked with Andy Kaufman. Andy Kaufman was a friend of mine.

You are no Andy Kaufman.

Hmmm, I thought linking “pool scene” with “Hispanic” was supposed to conjure images of Raoul the pool boy in an illicit dalliance with a bored middle-aged housewife.

Dammit, I want my money back, you false-advertiser!

Aw, sorry…

See the movie, kind of noir-meets-social realism-meets-late 50s youth culture, Frankenheimer-style. More rumbling greaseballs than capering Latinas, though.

Hello, my friends! Why ALL my friends are here except Bubba. What a joy it is to be surrounded by such boon companions! So what do you all wanna talk about today?

P.S.: Actor

I knew Lloyd Bentsen etc. etc.

conjure images of Raoul the pool boy in an illicit dalliance with a bored middle-aged housewife

Not with a title like “Young Savages”! Here I was hoping for tawny lil’ girls catfighting, even though I have no idea what the appeal of catfighting is other than bikini tops getting ripped off. *shrug*

Oh The Fool is awesome!
Oh The Fool is great!
He’s the one that
You love to hate

All the little punk bitchiz
They get all pissed
They just can’t accept that
The Fool’s a feminist

You CAN’T love women
as much as me
cause you called some asshole
a little pussy!

We are the PC police
and you’re under arrest
Cause when it comes to The Fool
We’re totally obsessed!

At The Fool, El Cid was tiltin’
He thought he’d won at last!
But the only prize he got
Was some jelly from Fool’s ass

Oh The Fool is awesome!
Oh The Fool is great!
He’s the one that
You love to hate

O YES ISSUES SOMEON HAZ TEM

How does ass jelly relate to deontology?

bad poetry is theft!

@N.C.

Well the deontological absolutist would say that it is wrong always and everywhere for El Cid to suck jelly farts out of The Fool’s ass, whereas a consequentialist would say it depends on the circumstances.

Some non-absolutist deontologists might ask questions like, “Has The Fool consented to have El Cid suck jelly farts out of his ass?” While the consequentialist would ask questions like, “Does the pleasure that El Cid gets from sucking jelly farts out of The Fool’s ass exceed the cost to The Fool of having to smell El Cid?”

My penis is pencil-like.

And I’m not talking about one of those big novelty pencils.

Meanwhile, the rest of us would just ask questions like, “where the hell is the disemvoweller?”

I don’t have issues, as long as you don’t count the body of the shrink my mommy insisted I go to after she caught me trying on her used tampons. I had to get rid of that shrink!

And I’m not talking about one of those big novelty pencils.

Oh, you mean like one of those *miniature* golf pencils?

Have you ever noticed The Fool only shows up in threads about Jonah Goldberg?

Have you ever noticed The Fool only shows up in threads about Jonah Goldberg?

…y…you don’t think…?

Well…I’m not saying, but let’s try a test….

Hey! Fool!

“Clang, clang, clang…”

@Faux Fool, the one with the tampon jokes:

Dude, your comedy needs work

@Faux General:

In all honesty, The Fool’s johnson is 25% longer than average and, according to his old lady, above average in girth as well. Which makes him fully equipped for that up-on-the-backstroke action that the ladies* can’t get enuf of!

*except those 3 ladies who say up-on-the-backstroke is rape.

tiresome.

So according to Jonah, empathy = fascism?

Well, just look at his parents. Clearly, if they had any empathy, they would have staked baby Jonah out for the vultures at birth. And they claim to be “freedom fighters” of a sort, to the point that his mom would rather tie up this country in a sex scandal than have us defeat our enemies before they could kill 3,000 of us on our own soil.

tiresome.

Agreed. It’s not even a troll, f’god’ssake, it’s just… boring issues.

Hell, at least Pwafda pretended he was interested in arguing.

if they had any empathy, they would have staked baby Jonah out for the vultures at birth

You mean they didn’t?

Then why does he look like that?

Dude, your comedy needs work

It’s working for me. The bit about the novelty pencil made me laugh out loud.

Pere Ubu comes on here and tried to smack down The Fool repeatedly but when The Fool rises above and proves himself Ubu’s comic superior, Ubu suddenly feigns disinterest. Dude, you are transparent.

@Nom de Plume:

Dude if you think this is funny or clever in any way:

I don’t have issues, as long as you don’t count the body of the shrink my mommy insisted I go to after she caught me trying on her used tampons. I had to get rid of that shrink!

…then you are obviously someone with the kind of taste it takes to enjoy punk music.

Let assholes like Goldberg whine and pout. What matters is whether the Republicans gear up a filibuster, which I don’t think they will.

Dude, you are transparent.

Cool, I’m invisible!

Pardon me while I go sneak into the girl’s locker room.

but when The Fool rises above and proves himself Ubu’s comic superior, Ubu

Ah, the declaration of victory. Remind me again what trolls do next.

Dude, you’re just dull.

What matters is whether the Republicans gear up a filibuster, which I don’t think they will.

It’s going to be hard, and made even harder by the nasty rhetoric I’m seeing from right wing bloggers, calling Sotomayor the “Spic chic” (sic) and calling her out on illegal immigration, issues the Republicans are trying hard to downplay since the Latino vote will be key for them in 2010 and beyond.

The heart and soul of the GOP is at stake, finally. Great pick by Obama. Practically challenges Rush Limbaugh to come out of hiding.

I recall that in another thread The Fool said that he got kicked off a lefty blog for Jack(Bauer)ing off over the ‘ticking time bomb’ scenario. So I think that, rather than being a pussy and rambling irrelevantly on an on and fucking on about some musical genre that hardly anyone here seems to give a shit about, The Fool should regale us with his views on torture. I think that’d be really special.

C’mon all my friends here at Sadly Blow, just take a step back and bracket your ostensive hatred for The Fool for just a moment and honestly ask yourself, your wounded feelings of pride aside, “Isn’t The Fool kind of funny? Doesn’t he show flashes of spontaneous wit whose cleverness you can’t honestly deny?”

You know you can’t deny it! The Fool is funnier than the vast majority of you are. Undoubtedly, this comment will be followed by a series of pro forma denials, but your obsession speaks volumes. And its pretty obvious right on the face of it.

Oh The Fool is awesome
The Fool is great
He’s the one that
You love to hate

kiki:

You couldn’t handle my arguments about torture. Trust me on that one, sweetcheeks. They’re way over your head.

OH NOES PLZ DONT BLOW MY MIIIIIIND

Thanks for reinforcing my “Fool = pussy” theory.

The Fool should regale us with his views on torture. I think that’d be really special.

With demonstrations, we should add.

@Jenny, Jenny:

darling, you doth protest too much

kiki:

I’ve had the torture argument at length on 3 different blogs. If you’re really interested, go check out the archives on Salon (Greenwald), Lawyers, Guns, and Money, and Yglesias.

The bottom line is many of my fellow anti-torture liberals subscribe to an unexamined form of moral absolutism that doesn’t hold up under scrutiny and which is counterproductive from a message strategy standpoint. Unfortunately, they also get too emotional about it to have a rational debate.

Cool, I’m invisible!

Pardon me while I go sneak into the girl’s locker room.

Remember that your clothes aren’t invisible, though…

kiki:

Did you call me a “pussy?” I guess I’m not the only one who “hates” women around here, huh?

Tig, if he’s sneaking into the girl’s locker room, clothes are irrelevant.

It’s nice to have a kind of circular reinforcement of one’s perceptions every now and then.

Torture apologists are fucking assholes.

The Fool is a fucking asshole.

The Fool is a torture apologist.

All is right with the world.

many of my fellow anti-torture liberals subscribe to an unexamined form of moral absolutism that doesn’t hold up under scrutiny

TICKING TIME BOMB FAP FAP FAP FAP

Tig, if he’s sneaking into the girl’s locker room, clothes are irrelevant.

Central to mah point this is!

Pere, excellent point. Moral absolutism works both ways, particularly when some torture-defending asshole plays the fear card.

Tig, if he’s sneaking into the girl’s locker room, clothes are irrelevant.

Central to mah point this is!

I got your back, bud.

Only, you know, wrap it in a towel first, K?

kiki:

That is beautiful! Speaking of reinforcement of one’s perceptions!

L-O-fucking-L.

I could never have predicted that you would transform opposition to moral absolutism into “torture apologist”. Hahahahahahaha. I sure didn’t see that one coming!

For the record, I hate torture and I have worked against it on a high level with the ACLU. What else have you done other than maybe photoshop a LOLCAT making a joke about it?

For the record, I hate torture and I have worked against it on a high level with the ACLU.

My two wives, Jessica Alba and Beyonce, reliably inform me that nodoby would ever lie about their life on the internet.

yeah kiki, that’s your standard response but it just makes it all that much sweeter to know that its true and that its truth gets your panties all in a bunch. I take your pro forma skepticism as a deeply sincere, if unintentional, compliment.

The ACLU kicked me out, too.

Why won’t anybody talk to me? How come the phrase “you’re an obnoxious asshole” always gets said to me?

Just making sure before I get the camera set up so he doesn’t get caught.

It’s like an even duller Annieangel with a rectal fixation and Jeff Goldstein’s thesaurus.

oh well. better go find someplace else to visit this morning, this one’s ruined.

For the record, I hate torture and I have worked against it on a high level with the ACLU.

Smoking five doobs is not “working against it”, dood. You’re just another Cheeto munching fat troll.

Like I said, Jonah.

The most prominent feature of torture-haters who hate torture and donate their time and efforts to working against torture on high levels is their moral relativism with regard to torture when we’re the ones doing it.

@Jenny

No, I’m a consequentialist, not a relativist. But the odds that you understand that distinction are vanishingly low.

I wonder how many torture-apologists have memberships or donate to Amnesty International so they can think they’re cool and put those silly little decals on their guitar cases and minivan windows?

actor:

Thanks for the compliment! A compliment of the sincerest kind possible!

I wonder how many torture-apologists have memberships or donate to Amnesty International

Torturer-guilt!

Like, I imagine John Yoo probably even tried to wrangle tickets to the benefit concerts back in the 80s, but here he is, thinking he’s all “empathetic” (PRO TIP, John, drop the “em”) just because he occasionally watches Peter Gabriel sing Biko on YouTube.

Well, The Fool apparently thinks the overriding ethos of the entire hippie culture was “PUNK SUX LOL”, so presumably his view of human rights is equally nuanced and perceptive.

I would imagine Jerry Garcia would be firmly against torture, and Fool would probably be so as well, since he’s just a bootlicker.

Torturer-guilt!

Precisely.

Pretty pathetic. It reminds me of all those Catholics in the Middle Ages who purchased indulgences from the Pope, thinking that somehow made them better people, rather than the base vicious sick bastards they really are.

Saint Sebastian. For some reason this thread is making me think about Saint Sebastian.

No, I’m a consequentialist, not a relativist.

No, you’re just a jackass.

But what about the FIAT:Obama link? How much money did FIAT give Obama to destroy Chrysler for them? There’s anecdotal evidence!

Oops. Wrong thread. So siorry. Please imagine I made that comment in the previous thread. That is all. Go on, back to your homes. Nothing to see here.

Well ok, bring it.

I stiipulate: There’s a ticking time bomb that will kill 15 million innocent New Yorkers. We’ve tried every non-torture method in the book and they’ve all failed. We know the guy we’re holding knows the location of the bomb and we can check any information he gives us as to its location by sending agents there to confirm or deny his claims.

Do you:

1) refrain from torturing the captive and allow 15 million people to be incincerated

OR

2) Torture him to save the 15 million

Those are your only 2 options in this carefully crafted hypothetical scenario*. Which one do you pick?

*Just be a good little punk bitch and play along and pretend those are the only 2 options. I could spin it out in much more detail and you could think up lots of pragmatic objections and then I could make adjustments to my scenario to mee those pragmatic objections but let’s just skip all that and get straight to the point. Out of those two options which one would you pick?

Fool,

We don’t care.

Really. Your made up straw man arguments are meaningless and only intended to terrify the unknowing.

You are your name.

You can “prove” anything, given the right choice of thought experiment.

Ya know, in politics as well as community, you have to persuade your peers to see your viewpoint sometimes, educating them on the logic of your position and/or reaching compromise.

The troll commonly assumes that it’s strategery of “if I’m the biggest fucking asshole on the planet, especially to the regulars here, they will eventually come to see my view as the correct one”.

What could possibly go wrong with that strategery I wonder? It is, after all, the same strategery used by his idol, Bush, and the world stands in awe today at Bush’s ability to be a Uniter Not A Divider at home as well as stopping terrizm through his humble foreign policy chock full of freeance and peeance.

Your made up straw man arguments are meaningless and only intended to terrify the unknowing.

No they are not atrw men and that is not the motivation. They address crucial questions in ethical philosophy. Its not about apologizing for torture. Its about using what has long been the strongest argument against the essentially religious form of ethics known as deontology and replacing it with a secular, rational form of consequentialist ethics that is also far friendlier to the aspirations of the political left.

You can “prove” anything, given the right choice of thought experiment.

No. You really can’t. But you can make absolutist positions look as absurd as they really are.

Because, you know, if torture really worked, seeing as we’ve indulged in it, Osama bin Laden would be a prisoner already.

Somehow, that thought never occurs to the beasts who defend torture.

So moral relativism is obviously wrong in this instance. Torture = wrong, always.

You are your name.

hahahaha — I never fail to get a kick out of that attempted insult.

Torture = wrong, always

So you’re saying that you would allow the 15 million in the scneario to die just to preserve the rights of their murderer who has the power to end his torture at any time?

Then you are a moral monster.

The scenario makes a lot of big assumptions: that the bomb is perfectly undetectable and the police have never heard of Geiger counters, explosives-sniffing dogs and surveillance cameras, that the information obtained through torture will be correct and timely, that there is no attempt to evacuate the city or protect any of the 15 million vulnerable people even though the authorities know that one exists, and that the time bomb can be deactivated or neutralized at all.

It’s always intrigued me that moral relativists get their kicks out of setting up straw arguments involving moral absolutes.

Very interesting, as if to defend their own flawed characters, they have to create a dynamic in which everyone behaves as irrationally as they do, like the entire world revolves around their OCD.

Interesting.

Stupid, but interesting.

NC, from Progressive.org, in support of your post:

Number one: In the real world, the probability that a terrorist might be captured after concealing a ticking nuclear bomb in Times Square and that his captors would somehow recognize his significance is phenomenally slender. The scenario assumes a highly improbable array of variables that runs something like this:

—First, FBI or CIA agents apprehend a terrorist at the precise moment between timer’s first tick and bomb’s burst.

—Second, the interrogators somehow have sufficiently detailed foreknowledge of the plot to know they must interrogate this very person and do it right now.

—Third, these same officers, for some unexplained reason, are missing just a few critical details that only this captive can divulge.

—Fourth, the biggest leap of all, these officers with just one shot to get the information that only this captive can divulge are best advised to try torture, as if beating him is the way to assure his wholehearted cooperation.

The scenario makes a lot of big assumptions

Yes, the scenario is one big assumption.

Actor: your “arguments” are weak. But I’m not getting sucked back into this. Check out my voluminous comments on Glenn Greenwald’s site a week or two ago for a comprehensive schooling.

In percentage terms, how believable would the coerced information be, in this scenario. Like, ZERO?

Cretin.

Of COURSE he’d lie. It would be INTEGRAL TO HIS PLOT TO DO SO.

Yes, the scenario is one big assumption

And the poster is one big ass.

Well let’s just shoot a few of the fish that are flopping in the barrel:

how believable would the coerced information be, in this scenario. Like, ZERO?

FAIL. Objection already anticipated. See the part of the scenario about, “we can check any information he gives us as to its location by sending agents there to confirm or deny his claims.”

Fool, I don’t have to.

I know who you are, and therefore I know the arguments are irrational, illogical, undermined by any reasonable construct of facts, even to the simplistic and retarded extent you’ve posted them.

Better minds than yours, like, say, mine, have thought all this through already and blown holes in your pathetic little arguments like cats tearing at a screen door.

And the poster is one big ass.

Remember when I said at the very outset that people get too emotional about this to carry on a rational debate?

Look at the comments already. See what I mean?

Better minds than yours, like, say, mine, have thought all this through already and blown holes in your pathetic little arguments

coulda, woulda, shoulda

It doesn’t get any weaker than that actor.

I mean, the terrorist will simply lie about half the time, knowing he’s making you waste your limited resources investigating each and every “lead” he feeds you, meaning that all he has to do is give you just enough information to keep you tantalized, yet not enough to actually uncover the bomb before it goes off.

You stop torturing him with every revelation. He wins, either way.

Fool = Fail.

No, dipshit, YOU fail — it’s a TICKING TIME BOMB by your own definition. There’s NO TIME TO SPARE to send agents out hither and yon based on the LIES the terrist will produce over and over. Cretin. Go play with your Wii.

See the part of the scenario about, “we can check any information he gives us as to its location by sending agents there to confirm or deny his claims.”

“The bomb is in Yonkers, in a bus station locker on the second floor.”

“oops, it’s empty!”

[somewhere in Brooklyn] BOOM!

You’d do better flipping a coin to figure out where the bomb is, since that’s actually a more accurate result than torture.

I pity you, man. All these straw men in your head, and not enough room for even half a brain.

Pay attention to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

You know what?

When we investigate and prosecute the guy who tortured the dude who knew where the ticking time bomb was and got the information out of him, via torture, which allowed him to save 15 million people, then we can discuss whether or not his actions were acceptable. I’m guessing he will not be convicted.

In the meantime, the discussion is about whether or not it was acceptable to torture people to get them to say things that would justify starting a war.

Real cases deal with real facts, not your imaginary masturbatory what-if scenarios.

Guys: as I have done on other sites, it is easy to spin out a scenario in which the fuse on the ticking bomb is arbitrarily long: days, weeks, months, even years. So appeals to the shortness of time FAIL. For the details check Greenwald’s archives.

But why don’t you stoopid punk bitchiz just play along?

If the two choices I laid out were the only two choices you had because of some complicated but possible scenario, which choice would you make? Quit trying to avoid the choice and just make one. Pretend you are in another possible world where an omnipotent being has rigged the circumstances so that you are 100% certainly faced with those two choices. Which one do you choose?

Yes, yes its far-fetched but that misses the logical point. See if you can figure out why.

Well, I was wrong. This isn’t special at all. Just bog-standard wingnut troll “debate” tactics.

Keep declaring victory, Fool! We’re all buying it!

I find it interesting that some people want a rational discussion about an irrational and emotional straw man they’ve made up.

Very interesting. Practically the definition of schizophrenia.

@Jenny

When we investigate and prosecute the guy who tortured the dude who knew where the ticking time bomb was and got the information out of him, via torture, which allowed him to save 15 million people, then we can discuss whether or not his actions were acceptable. I’m guessing he will not be convicted.

Yes, exactly! That’s the system I support too.

In the meantime, the discussion is about whether or not it was acceptable to torture people to get them to say things that would justify starting a war.

Well that’s NOT what this discussion was about but on that extremely important other question, I am 100% for putting Bush and his co-conpsirators on trial for war crimes, including torture. Because they didn’t face a ticking time bomb scenario.

The terrists are smart enough to make a nucular device but not smart enough to ensure that no one has enough pieces of the puzzle to ensure torture does us no good no matter who or how many we capture.

You know, kinda like how if the Soviet’s captured the dude who held The Football for Reagan while he was on vacation in the Bahamas and tortured him, he’d give them the info to allow them to actually nuke the USA with our own nukes!!!111!

Ayrab terrists = Schoedinger’s Cat. Simultaneously omnipotent and incompetent.

Do you guys find it interesting that the Fool pops up on a thread about “chronic self-love”?

@actor:

I find it interesting that some people want a rational discussion about an irrational and emotional straw man they’ve made up…Very interesting. Practically the definition of schizophrenia.

Far from it. Its a widespread form of argumentation among academic philosophers. VERY widespread. You are simply philosophically naive.

Some people just don’t appreciate the logic of the logically possible hypothetical scenario as a method for testing universal, exceptionless, absolutist claims.

Kids these days! We really need to do something about education in this country!

basically: pick one of the two choices or shut the fuck up.

You all are afraid too because then your absolutist views will be shown up for what they are.

I guess you people have never seen me in action.

Its a widespread form of argumentation among academic philosophers.

Particularly those who write their theses on boxes of Oatie O’s

actor:

You’re embarrassing yourself. Really.

So torture is sometimes acceptable in the case of one specific scenario created by the confluence of authorities who are simultaneously incompetent and clairvoyant, a time bomb courteously set to explode six months from now, 15 million potential casualties who are completely ignorant of said time bomb and won’t/can’t evacuate within that generous timespan, and a single conspirator with all the information and no other evidence like his home computer, who’ll accurately spill the beans the moment someone Tasers his nutsack. Okay.

So torture is sometimes acceptable in the case of one specific scenario created by the confluence of authorities who are simultaneously incompetent and clairvoyant, a time bomb courteously set to explode six months from now, 15 million potential casualties who are completely ignorant of said time bomb and won’t/can’t evacuate within that generous timespan, and a single conspirator with all the information and no other evidence like his home computer, who’ll accurately spill the beans the moment someone Tasers his nutsack. Okay.

It’s central to his point.

You’re embarrassing yourself. Really.

No, I’m mocking you. Really.

@Fool – put down that bag of cheetos!!! Step away from the computer!!! I will not ask you again!!!

Oh, NC, you forgot that said law enforcement outlet somehow has enough man power to check out each and every statement the torturee makes, but not nearly enough to launch a full-scale search for the device.

But why don’t you stoopid punk bitchiz just play along?

That’s the question you should spend some time pondering. Come back when you have an answer.

OK, Fool, tell you what:

I’ll agree that torture is OK in the absolutely impossible scenario you propose, but ONLY in that scenario, and that means adding seven million people to the population of NYC for starters, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmK?

Happy now?

Ya see, jackass, you don’t argue in good faith and everyone knows it. If you weren’t a fucking asshole, some people here might say, “sure, whatever, torture away in that fuckingly obviously impossible scenario because it’d never go down like that in reality but you, being a fucking asshole, would then just do the Snoopy Victory Dance til the Sun burns out, so fuck off, what you really want is a slippery slope you can use to justify your desire to torture people when you know it doesn’t work worth a shit and will put our military at future risk as everyone else on earth follows your shitty ‘absolutist’ logic”.

Her pronounced Bronx accent (sounds just like my father, she does) is a sign of her untermenschenness. Real Americans have southern accents to honor the Confederate cause.

Or is the correct word “untermenschenosity”?

No, it would be “Untermenschheit” or “Untermenschlichkeit”.

(All nouns are capitalized in German.)

I love it. It’s a TICKING TIME BOMB to provide the urgency necessary to justify torture — except when it’s NOT urgent (when he arbitrarily waves his hand to say it isn’t — after all, it could go off _six months from now_).

In other words, the setup is meaningless. Of course, that’s the object of the game.

Nothing to see here folks, move along, move along.

If the sun rose in the west would it be OK to change the lyrics of songs celebrating the sun setting in the west?

Well, punk bitchez? Is it or not? ANSWER MY QUESTION, you stupid ignorant bitchez!!!!

Any man that can say something like that in public, after Harriet Miers, could gargle runny diarrhetic shit and sing “I’m A Lonely Little Milkmaid” at the same time. In fact, wait until the next NRO cruise–scheduled for a bass boat on lovely Lake Taneycomo in Branson, MO–and ask for it when he starts taking requests.

So torture is sometimes acceptable in the case of one specific scenario

I’ll agree that torture is OK

Thank you. Thank you. So we agree that the absolutist position is out the window. That’s the beauty of logic!

So now its a matter of empirical questions. I happen to think that you all are being much more willfully skeptical than the reality warrants. The scenario is highly unlikely but in the era of suitcase nukes and al-Qaeda, it is unfortunately possible. Its 9/11 with different technology. if our intelligence and security agencies are not looking out for this kind of thing, then they are incompetent.

But because I wasn’t lying about working with the ACLU etc. we also agree that this does not excuse Bushco in any way. And THAT is the point it is important to stay clear on.

Strategically, you don’t want to shoot your mouth off making morally absolutist arguments, like many of you did here already, that will seem totally counterintuitive to many people . Then they will think you’re an idiot and you will lose credibility when it comes to making your far stronger arguments against Bushco on other grounds.

Likewise, the scenario is really not as impossible as you all have gone out on a limb to suggest. Lots of people will easily detect that you’re pretending to be way more confident than you really are that this could NEVER EVER happen. You will lose crediblity with them as well.

Far better is to understand and acknowledge the power of the Ticking Time Bomb scenario but make sure you simultaneously don’t get faked out by that scenario in situations where it doesn’t hold, while maintaining your credibility by not rejecting the plausible hypothetical.

School’s over for today, my st00pid punk bitch friends!

It’s really easy to say yes to the ridiculous, isn’t it, Fool?

Like, gee, The Grateful Dead really suck moosecock can play those instruments!

@Gult Gulch

TICKING TIME BOMB to provide the urgency necessary to justify torture — except when it’s NOT urgent

Well, no. You’re letting your emotions cloud your reason again.

ANY ticking nuclear time bomb is an extremely urgent matter, no matter what the time frame, don’t you think, bro?

There’s a ticking time bomb that will kill 15 million innocent New Yorkers. We’ve [Don’t ya just love how trolls always say “we” as if they are actually part of the process and not just hiding in Mom’s basement with a lifetime supply of Cheetos and Yohoo] tried every non-torture method in the book and they’ve all failed. We [Here’s that “we” again! One wonders why Osama bin Laden is still on the lam if so many “we’s” are on the case!] know the guy we’re holding knows the location of the bomb and we can check any information he gives us as to its location by sending agents there to confirm or deny his claims.

Let’s say this terrorist is gay and would willingly divulge the information if a straight, Jesus-loving, patriotic, right-wing-ding-a-ling wingnut troll on Sadly, No! does one of the following:

a) Fellates the terrorist to completion and swallows.

b) Go bottoms-up and takes the terrorist bareback in the bunghole.

In each case the straight, Jesus-loving, patriotic, right-wing-ding-a-ling wingnut troll on Sadly, No would save 15 million lives by going gay with the terrorist.

So homo up, trolls, and save America from teh evil doers!

Ned FTW!

Allow me to present my card…Wyle E. Coyote….Soooooper Geeeeeenius!

@Bigby:

you don’t argue in good faith.. what you really want is a slippery slope you can use to justify your desire to torture people

No. I really DO argue in totally good faith. My willingness to make extended logical arguments proves that. You’re inability to control yourself and listen to what’s being said proves that YOU are the bad faith arguer.

Re the slippery slope that I suposedly desire: I agree with the slippery slope argument in this case. I think Abu Ghraib proves it. That’s why I oppose Dershowitz’s torture warrant idea and think we should leave it illegal so that it will only be done in truly justified cases (hopefully) as an act of civil disobedience. Jennifer and I already had this discussion above.

You people are quick to try to force me into the torture-lover pigenhole but that has nothing to do with any political posiiton I’ve ever expressed anywhere and merey reflects your emotions about The Fool.

“He’s the one that you love to hate”

I stipulate You in Magic Ponyland. The ponies have access to cream buns, the only food available. Without these cream buns, you will die. You have tried other methods, but the only way to get the cream buns is to fuck the ponies.

NOW ADMIT YOU WILL FUCK THE MAGIC PONIES FOR CREAM BUNS!

Answer the question, Fool…you’re quick to pull the torture trigger, so what about going gay to save your fellow citizens? Are you ready to do your part for America and suck on some hairy terrorist balls?

Homo up or shut the fuck up, you silly goof.

Uncle Ned: your scenario is far less plausible than mine.

Plus, there really would be NO way to know that if you got your gay mojo working that the terrorist would then give up the information. My scenario is different. We’re forcing him and won’t stop until he actually DOES divulge the information.

Unless he is Super Terrorist who can withstand all pain, I would have to think there’s a good chance that he would crack once you tore off his fingernails, wired up his balls, and stuck needles in his eyes. I know I would, and if I would, so would you, my stoopid punk bitch friend.

You people are quick to try to force me into the torture-lover pigenhole

Oh, you’d like us to force something up your pigeonhole!

But Ned: if we were in another possible world and the local deity contrived that scenario, all of us here at Sadly, No would be morally required to get our gay on — because otherwise 15 million people would die and that would be far worse.

Hell, dude, look on the bright side: you’d probaby enjoy it.

Bubba: in that scenario I would make the moral choice and fuck me some righteous pony pussy! Up-on-the-backstroke, baby! For Jesus!

but in the era of suitcase nukes

Except that we’re not, you know, in any such era.

Unless he is Super Terrorist who can withstand all pain, I would have to think there’s a good chance that he would crack once you tore off his fingernails, wired up his balls, and stuck needles in his eyes. I know I would, and if I would, so would you, my stoopid punk bitch friend.

And this is coming from the person who claims to be the rational one, calling everyone else here irrational because they won’t play his cribbed-from-a-shitty-TV-show hypothetical scenario game?

FAIL.

once you tore off his fingernails, wired up his balls, and stuck needles in his eyes

You can just tell The Fool didn’t enjoy typing that at all.

FAPFAPFAP

@The Tragically Flip

I hope you’re right, bro. I’m just not that confident that you are. I had a conversation with a high-ranking CIA guy one time who works on these issues and he was absolutely convinced that one would be detonated within the next 20 years. I don’t know if he is right either but I think it is certainly possible. And if not a suitcase nuke, just imagine the Talban take over Pakistan and give a cargo container nuke to bin Laden.

I had a conversation with a high-ranking CIA guy one time who works on these issues and he was absolutely convinced that one would be detonated within the next 20 years. I don’t know if he is right either but I think it is certainly possible. And if not a suitcase nuke, just imagine the Talban take over Pakistan and give a cargo container nuke to bin Laden.

Yeah, sure you did…you legend-in-your-own mind.

FAIL.

FAPFAPFAP

The argument of choice when rational argument utterly fails to support your position.

I’m surprised that no one has yet accused me of being stoned. At least your arguments would be more reality-based then, though still off-point.

@St. Bina

No. I really did. If you ever live in the D.C. area, especially McLean, you are quite likely to meet lots of CIA people. No legend required.

I had a conversation with a high-ranking CIA guy one time who works on these issues…

LOLZ * 1,000,000,000,000

Fool, your reality is getting mixed in with your Boob-tube watching.

It reminds me of a funny Simpsons schtick when Homer is waxing nostalgically about hanging out at Arnold’s with Fonzie, Richie, Potsie, and Ralph Malf, and Marge replies, “Homer, that was ‘Happy Days,'” to which Homer replies, “Well, Marge, some days were happy, others were just sad.” Or something like that.

Ned:

Yeah, that’s very humorous. But I really did.

Man, you boys are so, so provincial. You just can’t imagine that anyone ever works inside the Beltway or meets any of these people or does any of this stufff, huh? They’re all like tv characters and movie stars to you, aren’t they?

Dude: let me let you in on a secret:

CIA people have families, friends, and neighbors. There are 1000’s of CIA people with many, many hundreds of thousands of family members, friends, and neighbors.

Yeah, that’s very humorous. But I really did.

I believe you. Why, just the other night I was schtupping a green Vulcan chick and she said Spock was a liberal commie fascist Obama-loving hippie. AND she said I had a bigger weenie than that douchebag Jim Kirk.

My life rules.

@St. Bina

No. I really did. If you ever live in the D.C. area, especially McLean, you are quite likely to meet lots of CIA people. No legend required.

FAIL.

Ahem, FYWP. Let’s try this again…

@St. Bina

No. I really did. If you ever live in the D.C. area, especially McLean, you are quite likely to meet lots of CIA people. No legend required.

Yeah…sure you do. I believe you, Mr. Mitty. (yawn)

FAIL.

Really, Bina? You think everyone who works at the CIA is deep cover like Jason Bourne or something? lolololol

I guess you imagine that even their wives and children don’t know either? And their lifelong friends and long time neighbors? They never suspect a thing right? They’re never told anything?

You know jack shit about what you’re talking about, my st00pid punk bitch friend.

Thank you. Thank you. So we agree that the absolutist position is out the window. That’s the beauty of logic!

So there’s one scenario where it’s acceptable and an uncountably infinite number where it isn’t.

I’m just an engineer, so I’m going to use the approximation of 1/infinity ~= 0.

But what if the terrorists threatened to set off a nuclear weapon in New York City unless all TV and radio stations started playing punk rock round the clock?

And what if alien reptilians landed and said they would vaporize the USA unless we agreed to tear the heads off of any toddler and fuck their bleeding neck wounds on live TV?

And what if God appeared and said he’d take us all to heaven but only if we first agreed to send everyone’s grandmas to hell for all time?

And there was a giant 5 mile high ticking clock that right wingers could all jack off to?

Fool, I just want to remind you that when we play “Wolverines!!” in your Mom’s basement next week, I get to be the C. Thomas Howell character this time. You’re always hogging that one, you selfish prick. It’s your f***ing turn to be Lea Thompson. And don’t you go thinking Jonah Goldberg’s gonna let you EVAR be Patrick Swayze. Over his dead fat body, dood.

You know jack shit about what you’re talking about, my st00pid punk bitch friend.

I do, you do NOT. As is clearly evidenced by your repetition of that juvenile phrase you love so much whenever your sorry ass is grass and someone else has just mown it. (I do so love to watch you salving your fragile ego. Your anger makes me happy.)

Another thing I know is that the CIA makes up lies, spreads them around through the media (right-wing channels are especially susceptible), and then believes its own lies and uses them to justify wars, invasions, coups d’état, etc. Oh, and TORTURE. Which of course is not effective in obtaining actionable intelligence, as the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Trials, and an infinite number of other nauseating historical examples should have made clear to you by now.

But that’s okay, Mr. Mitty. We believe you. (yawn)

Oh, and:

FAIL!

I’m not an a total moral absolutist, and if some bizzarre confluence of unliklihoods happens that makes some nominal atrocity seem necessary to avert a much greater harm, I can live with the person raising necessity as an affirmative defence. If you can convince a jury of your peers that your crime was necessary to prevent some great harm, fine.

We do not need to pre-emptively legalize torture in law. The law already recognizes affirmative defences like duress.

I think that knowing you will certainly face zealous prosecution for any use of torture is a pretty good way to ensure if it is ever needed, it is only used as a truly last resort. It also leaves torture as a crime.

None of this is what the torture ‘debate’ is really about since the right has been pretending you can bob and weave around torture statutes by having a doctor present or using saline water to drown your victim so he doesn’t overhydrate. They’re simultaneously arguing what they were doing wasn’t torture and that torture is ok anyway because of ticking bombs. Fuck their sophistry. If you are using pain or discomfort in sufficient quantities that a person complies with your wishes in order to stop the pain or discomfort, it is fucking torture. I don’t care if it is only noogies or birthday paddywacks. Anything is torture if done long enough.

None of this is new, recent or even surprising. The right has been salivating over Dirty Harry torturing Scorpio and mouthing off to the politicians that he’s “all broken up over that man’s rights” for decades. They’ve always thought torture was just dandy. It’s because they’re shitty human beings who don’t recognize the humanity of others. It’s why they’re shocked that anyone would consider empathy an asset.

@N.C.

Well no. There is an entire family of scenarios where you accept torture and their frequency is in dispute.

The philosophical point against absolutism — a very widespread position in ethics BTW — is made by even a single counterexample, much as the claim that “All swans are white” is disproven by the existence of even a single black swan.

And now that you understand that and agree with it, you understand how important it is from a strategic communications standpoint, not to unwittingly adopt the extreme pacifist absolutist rhetoric that will cost the anti-torture side credibility.

I had a conversation with a high-ranking CIA guy one time who works on these issues

And did he speak with a French accent? And how much did the wine cost? What kind of wine was it?

I know CIA guys, I know more about philosophy than you do, I am smarter than you, and I realize that when I say that I win, it means that I win!

I WIN!!!!

Suck on it, stoopid punk bitchez!!! I RULE!!!!

(coming, mommy)

The right has been salivating over Dirty Harry torturing Scorpio and mouthing off to the politicians that he’s “all broken up over that man’s rights” for decades. They’ve always thought torture was just dandy. It’s because they’re shitty human beings who don’t recognize the humanity of others. It’s why they’re shocked that anyone would consider empathy an asset.

Yep…so shocked that they have to dress up as phony liberals (who worked high up in the ACLU, yet!) to try to convince REAL liberals (and us few socialists) that they might be right in denying others their basic human rights, even if there’s a chance that those others might NOT be criminals and/or scumbags, and that therefore–GASP!–the torturer and his supporters are dead WRONG.

Of course, empathy means being able to put yourself in the shoes of the tortured, and realizing that you would say anything–even an outright lie, such as “I saw Goody Sibber with the Devil”–to make the torture stop. Which, in turn, would lead to the realization that torture is, at the very least, an ineffective means of obtaining actionable intelligence. Which, in turn, means that the ticking-time-bomb scenario is…

EPIC FAIL!

Empathy: It’s a bad thing because it proves wingnuts invariably to be full of shit. And absolute shit stinks absolutely!

And yes, I would willingly suck Muslim cock to keep 15 million people from dying!

I can say anything now, because … I WIN!!!! You punk bitchez drool, but I RULE!!!!!!

(yes, mommy, I’m coming, I just have to finsh my game)

Thanks for all the unintentional compliments, my stoopid punk bitch friends. And enjoy life out there in the provinces!

PS to the Fool: You may stoop and kiss my ring, my st00pid punk bitch.

I gotta come clean to you stoopid punk bitchez.

I am actually James Bond. I am also the president of the ACLU. Plus, I sit on 5 tenured chairs at 6 Ivies (don’t ask me how, I’m too busy philosophizing to figure it out).

I RULE!!!!! You punk bitchez DROOL!!!!!

(coming right now mommy)

PPS to the Fool: Nobody gave you any compliments, intentional or otherwise. You’re not worthy.

In other words: FAIL, as per usual.

Why, my best friend graduated from the CIA, and while he knows lots about cooking, I am not sure how this makes him an expert on portable nuclear weapons and shit.

Oh, you don’t mean the Culinary Institute of America?

Carry on…

Lemme guess, Uncle Ned…The Anarchist’s Cookbook was the main course text?

LOLz…

Oh, I’m also president of the CIA, and King Of The Universe, too.

I RULE! You stoopit punk bitchez drool!!!!

Keep those unintentional compliments flowing, bitchiz! I luvz it!

Fool, your spelling is getting worse. Is the acid kicking in? Or are you having trouble maintaining?

If suitcase nukes were feasible, the US would already have made them. Neocons have managed to pour tens of billions into their moronic missle shield MIC welfare program for decades now. Think they couldn’t drum up some pretext to develop a suitcase nuke? They’re not well known for their dedication to realistic plans.

When you insult me, you are actually complimenting me!

That is because I am KING OF THE WORLD, and I RULE!!!!

No. I really DO argue in totally good faith.

Yes, listen to Torquemada! He makes so much sense and he’s such a faithful Catholic!

Uncle Ned: your scenario is far less plausible than mine.

Actually, I bet we’d get more info faster with sex than with torture. Ask Mata Hari.

So Fool? Go get some Chapstick. I’ll even make sure they raise a statue to you.

It’ll be penis shaped. Small, but penis shaped.

I had a conversation with a high-ranking CIA guy

Oh really?

Who?

And keep in mind, I can check…

You liberal pussies need to grow a pair about this torture shit.

Why, just the other week Mistress Helga was sodomizing my tuckus with a power drill and I forgot the safety word, but did you hear me whine afterwards when I had to wear adult diapers for week? Fuck no!

So stop bitching, you little weaklings.

Well no. There is an entire family of scenarios where you accept torture and their frequency is in dispute.

Countable infinity / uncountable infinity ~= 0

Countable infinity / uncountable infinity ~= 0

Intersting theory. So if someone sys “100% of all swans are white” and I produce a black swan, they are still right because they’re right most of the time?

Damn, it seems to have left the building. All that remains now is its ghostly spoof. I guess I frightened it off.

Real, unemotional, no-ticking-time-bomb logic has a funny way of doing that, sometimes.

(Mockery isn’t bad either.)

@Flip

How about cargo container size nukes, then?

Oh crap, it’s back, and it’s just pulled a black swan out of its anus.

Figures that it would misunderstand the math, too.

Bina: you’re not nearly as triumphant as you think you are. You’re the little dog barking at the big dog. At first, the big dog has to check it out but once he sees how small the little dog is, he forgets all about it.

How about cargo container size nukes, then?

This is almost too simple. Same logic still applies, O aptly-named Fool! If good ol’ all-Amurrican logic hasn’t produced one yet, what makes you think some guy who lives in a cave will?

Bina: you’re not nearly as triumphant as you think you are. You’re the little dog barking at the big dog. At first, the big dog has to check it out but once he sees how small the little dog is, he forgets all about it.

Wrong again. I am a woman; you are a moron. You didn’t address any of my arguments above.

Therefore, YOU are not as triumphant as YOU think YOU are. But you sure are one hell of a projector, except maybe for that hallucinatory dog shit.

Oh, and:

FAIL.

And yes, I would willingly suck 15 Million Muslim cocks

And only, what, 12 million to go?

So if someone sys “100% of all swans are white” and I produce a black swan, they are still right because they’re right most of the time?

If there are an infinite number of swans and a finite number of black swans, then, yea, pretty much. Did you actually have math in your home school?

And yes, I would willingly suck 15 Million Muslim cocks

And only, what, 12 million to go?

Actually, more like a billion.

Amazing, isn’t it? There are so many of THEM, and so few terrorists!

(And worse, all of the terrorists have CIA connections. Just as our self-deluded troll claims to do. Hmmmm…)

And yes, I would willingly suck 15 Million Muslim cocks

I’d convert just to make him suck my dick like a good troll should.

According to the Nuclear Threat Initiative:

The gun-type uranium bomb dropped by the United States on Hiroshima in August 1945 was about 10 feet long and 2.5 feet in diameter, weighed some 8,000 pounds, and contained about 60 kilograms of weapon-grade HEU; it yielded between 12 and 15 kilotons. The plutonium-implosion bomb dropped on Nagasaki a few days later was egg-shaped, about 5 feet in diameter, weighed about 10,000 pounds, and contained about 6 kilograms of weapon-grade plutonium; it yielded about 20 kilotons. By 1951, the United States had been able to reduce the weight of a plutonium-implosion bomb in this yield range to under 2,000 pounds.

Unclassified “model” calculations carried out in 1990 to estimate the composition and weight of relatively simple implosion designs based on plutonium and HEU came up with diameters in the range of 18 inches and weights in the range of 300-400 pounds.[22] Estimates of the weights of modern thermonuclear warheads for US ballistic missiles and aircraft-delivered bombs fall in the range of 400 to 800 pounds,

I think we could squeeze those into a container on a container ship, sweetcheeks.

O Fool, are you going to address any actual, unemotional arguments I made? Like, for example, the following, reposted for your benefit?

Of course, empathy means being able to put yourself in the shoes of the tortured, and realizing that you would say anything–even an outright lie, such as “I saw Goody Sibber with the Devil”–to make the torture stop. Which, in turn, would lead to the realization that torture is, at the very least, an ineffective means of obtaining actionable intelligence. Which, in turn, means that the ticking-time-bomb scenario is…

Empathy: It’s a bad thing because it proves wingnuts invariably to be full of shit. And absolute shit stinks absolutely!

Well? I’m waiting. Don’t disappoint me, Jonah–er, Mr. Mitty. Or whatever your real name is.

I think we could squeeze those into a container on a container ship, sweetcheeks.

Now try doing it FROM A CAVE, lardass.

actor 212 is on the record saying, “I’d convert just to make him suck my dick”

Say no more!

From a cave. In the Hindu Kush. Don’t disappoint me, Lardy!

Well? Timebomb’s ticking. We’re waiting…

extreme pacifist absolutist rhetoric that will cost the anti-torture side credibility

Misogynist prog-rock CIA-buddy torture-apologist ACLU nihilist hippie troll is also CONCERNED.

Bina, my stoopid, stoopid punk bitch friend:

O Fool, are you going to address any actual, unemotional arguments I made? Like, for example, the following, reposted for your benefit?

Of course, empathy means being able to put yourself in the shoes of the tortured, and realizing that you would say anything–even an outright lie.

This objection was anticipated in the original scenario, sugar plum! Doh!!

If the terrorist say the nuke is at 200 W. 86th St, Apt. 201, we can send agents there within minutes to check his story out.

Moreover, we could warn the terrorist that lies will lead to increasingly intense torture.

From a cave

Oh they’ve managed to procure weapons from caves in the past, sugar plum. And if the Taliban take over Pakistan then they can do it from the preisdent’s office in Islamabad.

Moreover, we could warn the terrorist that lies will lead to increasingly intense torture.

Whingnut logic: If it doesn’t work, we’ll do it even more.

kiki:

I luv you too!

This objection was anticipated in the original scenario, sugar plum! Doh!!

No it wasn’t, my little projectionist dogshit-under-the-shoesole. The original scenario was lifted from a bad TV show. MY work was drawn from life and REAL occurrences.

Therefore,

FAIL.

Whingnut logic: If it doesn’t work, we’ll do it even more.

Huh?

Example:

If I need to go 70 mph and pushing the accelerator half way to the floor only gets me up to 50 mph, then — maybe its just my wingnut logic talking — I’m thinking if I push the accelerator even more I might hit that 70 mph mark! But call me a wingnut!

BTW: I know you got this from the normally reliable Tom Tomorrow but it just doesn’t make sense, bro.

Oh they’ve managed to procure weapons from caves in the past, sugar plum.

They have? When? Name a specific incident. And make it a good one. Timebomb’s ticking…

And if the Taliban take over Pakistan then they can do it from the preisdent’s office in Islamabad.

If they do that, it will be because they had help from your beloved CIA, just as they did when they were just a bunch of lowly mujahideen. Who the fuck do you think financed and trained them, my aptly-named bootlicker? It’s called blowback…st00pid punk bitch.

Therefore,

FAIL.

Quoting the Fool:
The scenario is highly unlikely but in the era of suitcase nukes […]

Last suitcase nuke was built in ’68. They have a yield equivalent between 10 and 1000 tons of TNT (yield was selectable.) A 1KT explosion might take out a block or two of NYC. No way are 15 million citizens in danger.

The scenario is not at all probable. Try again.

(Tragically Flip is on the same trail.)

Moreover, we could warn the terrorist that lies will lead to increasingly intense torture.

LOL! Yeah, like that’ll work. Worked great in Spain, too!

Actually, increasingly intense torture leads only to more lies. And possible death.

Maybe we should torture YOU so you’ll see that light, eh? You know, the one at the end of the long, dark, vaguely vaginal tunnel?

(We all know that patronizing sexist ‘winger trolls are secretly scared of VAGINAS. Therefore, by my calculations, he should be just about ready to blow in five…four…three…two…)

Hey, if it was so easy to procure suitcase nukes in your cave that could blow up half of Manhattan, how come Al Qa’ida didn’t do that instead of just knocking 2 buildings down and damaging a wall of the Pentagon? Seems like nuking the city would have been even more terroristy.

Huh?

That’s the most only sensible thing you’ve said all day.

actor 212 is on the record saying, “I’d convert just to make him suck my dick”

Say no more!

My friends in Alabama say you have a purty mouf.

Moreover, we could warn the terrorist that lies will lead to increasingly intense torture.

Marvelous thinking!

And when he lies after that?

FOOL! These are people who are willing to die for their jihad!

You really do live up to your name. Or down to it.

My friends in Alabama say you have a purty mouf.

I’d like to hear it squeal like a pig. Can we make it do that, pretty please?

I think we could squeeze those into a container on a container ship, sweetcheeks.

Be awful tough hiding a shipping container in NYC so no one would find it, idiot.

After all, our crack law enforcement team can find the ONE MAN who holds the key to the bomb plot, but can’t locate a twenty by six by ten freight container nowhere near a dock….

I’d like to hear it squeal like a pig.

Scroll up. We did already.

Why do the terrorists hate us? Because of our freedom, in W’s simpleton formula? No, it’s because they knew that American Randian Supermen are actually such craven, principle-free pussies that if they were ever threatened they’d abandon all their high-blown pretenses immediately and fall all over themselves to beg Daddy Dick to do anything, oh please anything to make them feel safe again from the scary monsters. And destroy everything they claim to hold dear, democratic values and all, in the process. And instantly letting the terrorists win. They hate us because they see through us. Wingers make starry-eyed blart about freedom and democracy and are the first to demand that they be suspended when they’re frightened. And they’re so easily frightened. Big strong manly pussies, enemies everywhere all the time.

Big strong manly pussies, enemies everywhere all the time.

Careful! You might scare it away again. It’s deathly afraid of VAGINAS.

Careful! You might scare it away again. It’s deathly afraid of VAGINAS.

Well, if you were the corrupt love child of two men, one of whom had to crap you out, you’d be afraid of anything womanly, too.

Bina: I know torture wouldn’t work on you because you are like Daniel Craig in Casino Royale and you woudl just spit in the torturers’ eye and call their mothers whores and beg them to scratch your balls, wouldn’t you?

But most of the rest of us though are merely human and would give in.

Actor:

Dying is a lot easier than being tortured, bro.

Dying is a lot easier than being tortured, bro.

Please go test that theory and get back to us.

Try the “dying” part first.

I know torture wouldn’t work on you because you are like Daniel Craig in Casino Royale and you woudl just spit in the torturers’ eye and call their mothers whores and beg them to scratch your balls, wouldn’t you?

No, because (a) I don’t have testicles, I have a VAGINA (which you fear!) and (b) I’m not a character in some shitty movie.

Look, toots. Can you at least TRY make a point without referencing shitty fictional characters and scenarios from pop culture, or is that beyond your scope? Don’t make me get out my strappado, dude.

Don’t make me get out my strappado, dude.

Your thoughts intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

PS: Dying is a logical outcome of “more extreme torture” taken to its logical extreme.

Or, as the old joke goes:

An English exploration party in Papua New Guinea was taken prisoner by headhunters. The prisoners were each offered the following options: Death, or Bunda?

The headhunter chief grinned. “Hey fellas,” he exclaimed, “DEATH BY BUNDA!!!”

And so it goes.

Bina: you strike me as the kind of “woman” who would have balls

Let’s see, you argue morality is not absolute?

Thanks for the newsflash, Tom Brokaw. Go pedal your wares to the Christians, they are the ones that disagree with you.

That does not make the atrocities committed to avoid a more horrible fate less horrible. It simply justifies those atrocities in some impossible situation that you dream up and will never exist.

As far as your situation, as a thought game, I would simply invent a time machine and travel back in time to prevent the situation. Simple, no torture.

Bina: you strike me as the kind of “woman” who would have balls

Thus we have Aesop’s inspiration for the story of the Fox and the Sour Grapes…

I am the smartest bestest greatest guy evah!

I school all you punk bitchez during the little spare time I have haning out with all my CIA friends and grading stupid papers from the dozens of grad students whom I teach philosphy to.

I RULE! YOU PUNKS DROOL!!!!

Wait until tomorrow, when I give you more hypothetical scenarios to prove that I AM KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!!

Here is an advance teaser of tomorrow’s brain-twister for your PUNK BITCHEZ: If a hypothetical person is the smartest bestest greatest guy ever, why doesn’t he have any friends?

I RULES!!!!!

Only metaphorical ones.

And they are, in any case, bigger than yours.

Bina: You know — if not your own balls, at least the ones you cut off of every dude you ever met in your entire life.

Bina: You know — if not your own balls, at least the ones you cut off of every dude you ever met in your entire life.

I’ll bet you say that to all your wives.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, my st00pid punk bitch friends.

Back to rewrite for you actor. Come back when you have something at least slightly funny.

Bina: You know — if not your own balls, at least the ones you cut off of every dude you ever met in your entire life.

Thus spake the Fool, He Who Fears the Vagina Dentata.

Actually, every dude I met liked me. Even the wingnuts. Which is what frustrated them the most.

Thanks Bina: for making me look humble.

I think the Fool’s problem is that he hit up some punk girl in some club who was really drunk, thinking it would be an easy score (based on his complete lack of any knowledge of the way real humans interact), and she threw a drink in his face, causing the entire bar to laugh at him as he slinked away.

Now he is pissed at punks, women, and people in general.

Back to rewrite for you actor. Come back when you have something at least slightly funny.

It’s OK, honey. The last two showed them to me. I understand.

I mean, seriously, how could you miss them that much. Kinda shriveled up, weren’t they?

Thanks Bina: for making me look humble.

Looks are not the point. The point is for you to BE humble and admit that your ticking-time-bomb scenario was cribbed from “24” and is therefore a crock of shit.

Is it so hard to do that?

I think the Fool’s problem is that he hit up some punk girl in some club who was really drunk, thinking it would be an easy score (based on his complete lack of any knowledge of the way real humans interact), and she threw a drink in his face, causing the entire bar to laugh at him as he slinked away.

Now he is pissed at punks, women, and people in general.

I think you may be onto something there.

But then again, he probably needed a fake ID to get in, which no doubt explains a lot.

Oh, man! I’m so embarrassed now!

For you!

So Bina: are you pushing 60 or way past it?

cause I’m getting crone vibes from you, IYKWIM

cause I’m getting crone vibes from you, IYKWIM

Your hearing aid probably needs a tune up.

See, those nuclear howitzer shells (removed from the arsenal long ago) were deliberate duds, and enormously inefficient even at that because they had to be gun-type devices to fit in the bore. Terrorists are not going to have enormous quantities of fissile material to squander on any such stunts, and what would happen if some sub-kiloton abortion were set off in Manhattan anyway? Sure, it’d be a hell of a mess, but it wouldn’t kill any 15 million people, even if there were 15 million people in Manhattan to kill.

To kill a large fraction of the people in Manhattan you’re going to need a two-stage thermonuclear; and not one of the small ones like a cruise missile warhead (270 lbs, ~170 KT). You’re going to need a multi-megaton bomb, which believe me, is quite heavy and hard to conceal. Yes, you could hide it in a cargo container. But where the fuck are you going to get it in the first place? Design and build it yourself? Take over Pakistan? Heres an unfortunate fact: They don’t have any, either! In the real world of nuclear weapons, the days of such dinosaurs is long past.

Even at that, if North Korea, with many very competent scientists, has had two failed nuclear tests in a row, trying to duplicate even 1945 technology, what chance do your uneducated terrorists in a cave in Tora Bora have? Please read and thoroughly absorb even this popular account of nuclear weapon design before you embarrass yourself further, Foolie/Troofus.

So Bina: are you pushing 60 or way past it?

Sadly, no. To both of the above.

But you’re giving your own age away, if you know what I mean.

And you SHOULD be embarrassed…but only for yourself. You made a royal ass of yourself in here today. And you still haven’t tried to do anything with a real argument drawn from life! At your age, that’s a real shame.

PS: I guess Lipstick on a Repig, who sussed out that punk-girl-in-the-club thing, was right, eh?

I mean, you haven’t exactly made even a feeble slap at trying to DENY it…

really, Pakistan doesn’t have any nuclear weapons?

Somebody call Obama and the UN stat!

Even at that, if North Korea, with many very competent scientists, has had two failed nuclear tests in a row, trying to duplicate even 1945 technology, what chance do your uneducated terrorists in a cave in Tora Bora have?

K, see, they get these dinossaurs, right, ones who know how to pull up on the backstroke, and…

Pakistan’s nukes were a GOVERNMENT project, O aptly-named one. As were India’s, the US’s, Israel’s…I could go on…

I mean, you haven’t exactly made even a feeble slap at trying to DENY it…

It would be irresponsible not to speculate that The Fool has a criminal record for pedophilia.

Bina: no, but lots of guys areound here like to tell themselves that so they won’t feel so inadequate.

As I have explained before, I have boned several punk chicks in the past though they are my least favorite kind of bitch to share my fuck stick with. But it makes me happy to see their eyes light up when I use the old up-on-the-backstroke technique on them that makes them squeal like stuck little piglets. I would have probably porked more punk chicks but they carry more diseases than average and tend to be uglier.

I would have probably porked more punk chicks but they carry more diseases than average and tend to be uglier.

So there you have it, folks. The Fool has just admitted that he’s a disease ridden desperate old man who fucks anything that will give him the time of day.

Pakistan’s nukes were a GOVERNMENT project

And? So if the Taliban, like, take over the government…

I would have probably porked more punk chicks but they carry more diseases than average and tend to be uglier.

Projecting again? No wonder you have no luck with them. (Your fantasies are very telling, though…)

More likely, they’re more skeptical of you and your silly claims. “Hey, baby, I know a guy who’s in the CIA. Wanna fuck?”

Yeah, I can see where the dumped drink comes in. And the bitterness against women. Especially that.

TheFool said,
May 27, 2009 at 22:19

really, Pakistan doesn’t have any nuclear weapons?

Somebody call Obama and the UN stat!

Reading comprehension fail. As anyone with more brains than you could tell, I said Pakistan doesn’t have any of the multi-megaton monstrosities you need for your impossible scenario. As I further said, the “days” of such dinosaurs “is” long past. What, couldn’t jump on my typo to disprove my argument? You’re slipping, Troofus!

Pakistan’s nukes were a GOVERNMENT project

And? So if the Taliban, like, take over the government…

You mean, like your beloved CIA allowed them to do in Afghanistan, the better to keep the godless commies out?

Read a little history, O Aptly-Named One.

Hey, baby, I know a guy who’s in the CIA. Wanna fuck?”

You mean that doesn’t work? Thanks for the tip! I’m gonna change my rap now and get more punk pussy than ever!

“Bina: You know — if not your own balls, at least the ones you cut off of every dude you ever met in your entire life.”

So that is what the punk girl did to our poor Fool. Now I understand where he is coming from.

Battleass:

Its hard to believe this needs saying, but, dude, my scenario doesn’t hinge on 15 million dead. However many a nuke detonated in Manhattan would kill is more than sufficient to drive the example.

Dumb ass. Did you really think anybody was going to be impressed with your posturing as some kind of weapons expert?

What a dumbass.

You mean that doesn’t work? Thanks for the tip! I’m gonna change my rap now and get more punk pussy than ever!

Your rap won’t matter. They’ll take one look at your pizza face and you’ll still be an Epic Failure.

So that is what the punk girl did to our poor Fool. Now I understand where he is coming from.

I’m sorry, if he’s missing his balls, you’re going to have to explain it to me.

Its hard to believe this needs saying, but, dude, my scenario doesn’t hinge on 15 million dead. However many a nuke detonated in Manhattan would kill is more than sufficient to drive the example.

What a dumbass.

My, what a lot of emotional irrationality I see before me. Strange how it took an unemotional FACT CHECK from the Very Reverend to bring it out!

However many a nuke detonated in Manhattan would kill is more than sufficient to drive the example.

How about, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, zero, since you made the shit up?

Its hard to believe this needs saying, but, dude, my scenario doesn’t hinge on 15 million dead.

Umm, no. Your post from above:

“I stiipulate: There’s a ticking time bomb that will kill 15 million innocent New Yorkers.”

Game, set, match, yadda yadda yadda.

Ahem…FYWP. Where was I again?

Its hard to believe this needs saying, but, dude, my scenario doesn’t hinge on 15 million dead. However many a nuke detonated in Manhattan would kill is more than sufficient to drive the example.

What a dumbass.

Oh yeah, this is where I say:

My, what a lot of emotional irrationality I see before me. Strange how it took an unemotional FACT CHECK from the Very Reverend to bring it out!

Fixed!

Sorry Bina but it was just the amazingly annoying juxtaposiiton of some gameboy pretending to be all expert on nuclear weapons while simultaneously making an obviously piss-poor just-doesn’t-get-it argument about the number of victims that excited my gag reflex.

You’re right, I should have been more sympathetic to the little retard.

(I also note in passing that the aptly-named troll is a fine one to accuse a regular of posturing as an expert on anything. What has HE been doing here all this time? Using BAD FICTION as the basis of his logical “expertise”, at that?)

@Lipstick

Yes, you are right that I said 15 million. I pulled a number out of my ass. But for the sake of the argument just substitute “a buttload” for “15 million”. The exact number doesn’t really matter, tard.

Bina: the Ticking Time Bomb scenario has been discussed in countless articles in leading philosophy journals. No TV necessary. You are revealing your ignorance.

(I also note in passing that the aptly-named troll is a fine one to accuse a regular of posturing as an expert on anything. What has HE been doing here all this time? Using BAD FICTION as the basis of his logical “expertise”, at that?)

Personally, I’m still waiting for him to name this mythical “CIA” agent (and I wonder if he meant the Culinary Institute of America) that he speaks to.

Sorry Bina but it was just the amazingly annoying juxtaposiiton of some gameboy pretending to be all expert on nuclear weapons while simultaneously making an obviously piss-poor just-doesn’t-get-it argument about the number of victims that excited my gag reflex.

You’re right, I should have been more sympathetic to the little retard.

Another short, sad ride on the failicopter for you. He cited fact. You used bad fiction. AND you were pwned by another regular quoting your exact words back to you, misspellings and all. You DID say 15 million.

If you’re gonna make shit up, can’t you at least do a little research first–GAMEBOY?

the Ticking Time Bomb scenario has been discussed in countless articles in leading philosophy journals.

Link, please. I’d like to see if they actually did quote me.

The exact number doesn’t really matter, tard.

OK, so you’re moving the goalposts of your totally fictional scenario.

What is that, some kind of fantasy-squared or something?

Please rename yourself to “fantasy-boy”. Ironically, that will reflect the reality of your existence much better than even “Fool”.

Bina: the Ticking Time Bomb scenario has been discussed in countless articles in leading philosophy journals. No TV necessary. You are revealing your ignorance.

What “leading philosophy journals”? Anything to do with Ayn Rand isn’t leading. It’s lagging behind.

The National Review isn’t a philosophy journal, either. Although it likes to pretend it is one, hilariously.

Bina: the Ticking Time Bomb scenario has been discussed in countless articles in leading philosophy journals.

“Countless” is an awfully big number, even for you, Fantasy-Boy.

I’m still waiting to hear how we can spare a few ten thousand cops to sift thru all the *koffkoff* leads torture would bring out, but can’t manage to find a fucking shipping container in the middle of Manhattan that no one, no surveillance camera, no homeless person, no one walking to their job at any particular hour of the say, saw being installed under a city street or what have you?

Fool, you failed in stirring up fear.

Personally, I’m still waiting for him to name this mythical “CIA” agent (and I wonder if he meant the Culinary Institute of America) that he speaks to.

Her name was Valerie Plame.

God, you people are beneath me.

Why do I bother? I guess its just because I’m so dedicated to enlightening the masses. It take great dedication to stick with it when dealing with retards like these though. That is for sure.

God, you people are beneath me.

Only on the “Living In A Fantasy World” scorecard.

Why do I bother?

We ask the same question with respect to you and breathing.

TheFool: I pulled a number out of my ass…

Oh never mind. Too easy.

You know, guys, we’ve been begging a question here…

Fool, given your scenario:

Prove that torture will work and uncover the specific information needed in order to stop the bomb from detonating.

God, you people are beneath me.

Why do I bother? I guess its just because I’m so dedicated to enlightening the masses. It take great dedication to stick with it when dealing with retards like these though. That is for sure.

Where is thy philosophy now? Where are thy well-thought-out, unemotionalistic arguments?

I would say you disappoint me, but that would be lying. On the contrary, this is precisely the response I expected from you. You see, you’re a simplistic, wingnutty troll. When people (especially those with VAGINAS) don’t bow down to your imaginary superior intellect, you going all huffy is par for the course.

In short, You = Douchebag. And your bag is now empty of water and full of wind.

But then I look at people like Bina and actor and Lipstick and I see that there is such a need, such a crying need for education to help these poor semi-retarded cretins try to understand things that are far beyond their comprehension.

And having seen that desperate need, it just makes me want to redouble my efforts and come back here day after day after day and spread the word about how punk rock sux ass or whatever topic it is that they need help understanding that day.

Don’t worry my little st00pid punk bitch friends! The Fool shall not forsake you!

I pulled a number out of my ass…

That ain’t all you pulled. Be honest, now, or I break out the strappado.

Bina: the Ticking Time Bomb scenario has been discussed in countless articles in leading philosophy journals.

“Countless”, is it? Well, you’ve displayed your ignorance of “countably infinite” and “uncountably infinite” above. Of course, the number of philosophy journals, the number of black swans, and the number of white swans, even if you multiply them together and raise them to the power of the number of bad spy novels you’ve read, are just as far from even “countably infinite” as your IQ is.

But then I look at people like Bina and actor and Lipstick and I see that there is such a need, such a crying need for education to help these poor semi-retarded cretins try to understand things that are far beyond their comprehension.

I can’t yawn loudly enough when I read stuff like this.

And having seen that desperate need, it just makes me want to redouble my efforts and come back here day after day after day and spread the word about how punk rock sux ass or whatever topic it is that they need help understanding that day.

Don’t worry my little st00pid punk bitch friends! The Fool shall not forsake you!

Dude, get a clue. You have no friends here, much less stupid punk bitches (and other women who won’t give your three-millimetre peter the time of day).

Please, DO foresake us. You won’t be missed, and neither will your hilariously futile efforts to drag us down to your level!

Hey, wasn’t the Fool bragging earlier about how he beat down the hordes at Greenwald’s with his superior logic and shit?

Hey, Foolie?

Who’s yer dady, beeyatch?

See, what you fail to understand is that you can’t win.

No matter what you say, my superior intellect will allow me to turn your fail into win.

Hey, wasn’t the Fool bragging earlier about how he beat down the hordes at Greenwald’s with his superior logic and shit?

I believe this thread needs to be bookmarked, as the last few posts seem to have been enough Troll-B-Gone spray to get rid of Fantasy-Boy.

Hey, wasn’t the Fool bragging earlier about how he beat down the hordes at Greenwald’s with his superior logic and shit?

Actually, what he meant was that he beat his meat over there, and was too busy reaching orgasm to realize he’d been pwned a googolplex of times over.

(I will be referring to Fool as Fantasy-Boy from now on)

Hey Fantasy-Boy, do you have any other brilliant philosophical arguments to show us? FETCH, BOY!

Bookmark THIS:

Once he finally masters autofellatio, we’ll never hear from The Fool again.

See, what you fail to understand is that you can’t win.

No matter what you say, my superior intellect will allow me to turn your fail into win.

Dude. Catch a clue: YOU FAILED. All your imaginary intellect will not convert that into a win for anyone but US. Which, of course, is what YOU fail to understand.

See how this projection thing works? You’re not man enough to admit defeat, so you project your failure onto us. Only, of course, it doesn’t work here, where no one pretends to be anything (except for purposes of comedy, and the better to pwn the likes of you.)

I feel your pain, my st00pid punk bitch brothers and sisters! While I can never actually KNOW what it is like to be as retarded as many of you are, nevertheless I can empathize. I can still get a pretty solid understanding of what it must be like to be you.

Ahh, who am I kidding? I have no idea what it would be like to be so stridently stupid as someone like Bina or lipstick. Nevertheless it is my duty to lend a helping hand. As long as there is even one retarded Sadlynaught anywhere, then The Fool cannot be free. Which means The Fool will not be free for quite some time!

Why doesn’t anybody want to be friends with the bestest smartest greatest guy in the world???

I’m such a victim!!! But, at the same time, I RULE!!!

VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA

Is he running away, scared shitless?

Is he running away, scared shitless?

I know I am. Two at once is my record, so far. How about you, Foolie?

I feel your pain, my st00pid punk bitch brothers and sisters! While I can never actually KNOW what it is like to be as retarded as many of you are, nevertheless I can empathize. I can still get a pretty solid understanding of what it must be like to be you.

Ahh, who am I kidding? I have no idea what it would be like to be so stridently stupid as someone like Bina or lipstick. Nevertheless it is my duty to lend a helping hand. As long as there is even one retarded Sadlynaught anywhere, then The Fool cannot be free. Which means The Fool will not be free for quite some time!

You’re right about one thing–you’re not fooling anyone. Well, except maybe one person: YOURSELF. The rest is just sheer projection. The stridently stupid one here is YOU, as is evidenced by your utter failure to address any solid point that was leveled against you.

It must really hurt to be you. Scared of women, yet desperate to lose your virginity to one, and driving them further away with each futile yip and yelp about what stupid bitches they all are.

I would say I felt your pain, but I’d be lying. Just like you.

vagina? I luvs me some vagina!

battleass

Yes I once had two at once. BTW: they were both strippers and one of them was a former punk.

I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!

vagina? I luvs me some vagina!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. …

Yes I once had two at once. BTW: they were both strippers and one of them was a former punk.

Poor boy. Has to pay cash to get laid.

Yes I once had two at once. BTW: they were both strippers and one of them was a former punk.

Pay-for-play (in yer dreams, yet) doesn’t count, fantasy-boy.

Yes I once had two at once. BTW: they were both strippers and one of them was a former punk.

That’s two, give or take 15 million.

YOWZA! Fantasy-Boy gets pwned again!

No, I didn’t pay. One of them was my girlfriend. She quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out. True story. I know you’ll get all worked up in outrage over my lies. But its a true story, my st00pid punk bitch friends.

She quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out.

She was that ugly, huh?

he quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out. True story.

I love those “true stories” from Fantasy-Boy.

One of them was my girlfriend. She quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out.

Keep telling yourself that if it comforts you. But be warned: We do not believe a word you say.

I think by “punk” the troll means “homeless” — i.e., he’s trolling for old homeless ladies to sleep with him and not laugh at his wee wee while he’s practicing his “back on the upchuck” technique.

Fool still hasn’t answered whether he’d slobber a terrorist knob or not in order to save 15 million people in New York. The bombs ticking, Fool, tick-tock, tick-tock…it’s either balls across Fool’s nose or adios, New York City, and it’s all Fool’s fucking fault.

Oh, why do these wingnut trolls hate America so? Why, why, why?

She quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out.

She must have been wearing a lot of layers.

By the way, when you “hang” out wif a lady for money, there’s a name for that.

All true stories:

I have CIA friends, I have stripper girlfriends, I have super-high SAT scores, I am smarter than you, and my fictional scenarios are the BESTEST fictional scenarios you’ll ever see!

I’m telling you they’re true! REALLY!!!

No, she was actually the prima donna titty dancer at the club she danced at. It wasn’t the top titty bar in town but being the top titty dancer even at a mid-level titty bar still makes her far hotter than any chick you ever hung out with my st00pid punk bitch friend. She had been dancing for 6 years and she quit almost immediately after going out with me. Don’t hate me for having lived an interesting life!

Will somebody here be friends with me?

PLEASE? Remember that I am the bestest guy in the world, have stripper girlfriends, CIA friends, and super-high SAT scores! I am smart! Come on, be my friend! PLEASE???

I am such a victim! But, at the same time, I RULE!!!!

By the way, when you “hang” out wif a lady for money, there’s a name for that.

Yeah. In the trade, they call it the Girlfriend Experience. Which blithely ignores the fact that a REAL girlfriend doesn’t take cash for it, nor does her “agency” take a cut.

PS to the Tool: Your life isn’t interesting. The Cheeto stains on your zits don’t lie.

No, she was actually the prima donna titty dancer at the club she danced at. It wasn’t the top titty bar in town

Like I said, she was that ugly.

She had been dancing for 6 years and she quit almost immediately after going out with me.

Oh, that makes it sound even truer than true!

Haw haw! Self-pwnage by virgin Fantasy-Boy.

actor:

Dude, trust me. The girl turned heads everywhere she went. And I didn’t pay her.

Plus, women whose breasts consist mainly of silicone aren’t that desirable as girlfriends. Unless you’re a wank who’d pay for the illusion that she’s not still “dancing”, as you call that shit they do.

Let me tell you who are complete losers — guys who ‘date’ strippers. God, it’s pathetic, especially when they get all mopey ’cause the chicks ditch them when they run out of their spare cash to buy the chicks coke & shit. The saddest, awfullest, losers ever.

And yet for the rest of their lives, they’re convinced they achieved something by being allowed to hang out with one of these skanks, because in their miserable little shit crowd, that’s like a big accomplishment, to be fooled into thinking one of these fake tit skanks really likes you.

She must have been wearing a lot of layers.

El Cid wins the diznay.

And I didn’t pay her.

No, of course you didn’t, li’l woogums. You paid her “manager”–Guido, I believe his name was? That’s SO romantic!

Lipstick et al:

I can’t tell you all what a kick it is that you all find my life so, well, larger than life! I’ve been meaning to write that great American novel for a long time, but Ive been too busy living it to write it. I may have to start writing. There are obviously a lot of people who would be blown away.

Don’t worry, Fantasy-Boy has never dated a stripper. The Tell is when he said “she stopped stripping right after starting to date me”.

Pure, complete lie. I spent enough hours talking to enough dancers over the years to know that he has absolutely no clue. He self-pwned himself on that post.

Cid: actually I married her.

Bina: she doesn’t have silicon titties. They aren’t gigantic but they ARE perfect.

Okay. I call fake troll.

One of you is trying to set up, once again, someone to play the character of an ultra-loser right winger.

Why would anyone do this? Yeah, now we got the ultra-secret speshal agent CIA friend, the dating the stripper routine, and now we even get the ‘great American novel’ line — practically a plea, begging for people to please realize “fake troll”.

Shitbag.

My brother-in-law “dated” strippers until his mom took away his credit card.

Cid: actually I married her.

God, if you were real, I’d feel sorry for her.

Cid: I understand how all this must make a guy like you feel. But its all true. I swear.

LOL, you guys are hilarious.

Let me tell you who are complete losers — guys who ‘date’ strippers. God, it’s pathetic, especially when they get all mopey ’cause the chicks ditch them when they run out of their spare cash to buy the chicks coke & shit. The saddest, awfullest, losers ever.

And yet for the rest of their lives, they’re convinced they achieved something by being allowed to hang out with one of these skanks, because in their miserable little shit crowd, that’s like a big accomplishment, to be fooled into thinking one of these fake tit skanks really likes you.

No shit.

And of course, the “she quit dancing” thing was also hilarious, because shit, what skank wouldn’t take a break from that tiresome crap if she found a sucker to mooch off of? A few BJs, a few fake moans and groans–hell, that’s what a skank refers to as “easy money”, compared to having to “dance” on a sticky floor or wrap herself around a pole that’s seen the infected juices of I don’t know how many other VAGINAS…

Lipstick: dude you don’t shit about it just because you went to a few titty bars. There are a helluva lot of women in this country who have danced at one time or another. Lots of them for lots of different reasons. You don’t know what they’re ALL like.

actually I married her.

…the better for her to get half of whatever pathetic shit you own when she tires of you, loser.

You don’t know what they’re ALL like.

Neither do you, unfortunately.

Oh Bina, you’re such a feminist! All titty dancers are “skanks”?

Bina: I know what several of them are like. I bet you know what zero of them are like.

Lipstick: dude you don’t shit about it just because you went to a few titty bars.

I’ve been to about 15 million more titty bars than you have.

OHHHH, that’s gotta hurt!

She quit stripping about 2 weeks after we started hanging out.

That’s when she started cutting.

Bina: I know what several of them are like. I bet you know what zero of them are like.

You bet wrong. “What several of them are like” has a name–it’s called an ACT, dopey.

That’s when she started cutting.

No, that’s when the rubber started wearing out on the inflatable “stripper” he was dating after meeting her at the Adult Novelty Store.

+1 on the fake troll thing. Whoever it is, though, really does have serious issues with teh females, so maybe that narrows it down some.

Well Bina: we’ve made it way into double digits together and she hasn’t left me yet.

(Probably watches a lot of Demi Moore movies, too.)

Well Bina: we’ve made it way into double digits together and she hasn’t left me yet.

$10 instead of $5 for a BJ? Well, that keeps the crack supply up to a steady trickle…

Well Bina: we’ve made it way into double digits together and she hasn’t left me yet.

When your imaginary stripper/wife “talks” to you, do you use a voice synthesizer on your computer or just your MAD ventriloquist skilz, Fantasy-Boy?

BTW Bina: she had much more lucrative offers than me. I was dirt poor when she met me, scraping by on grad student wages. She had truly rich fuckers after her whom she blew off once she met me.

Ain’t love grand?

Demi Moore is one of the worst titty dancers ever. Great body. No feel.

Ain’t love grand?

It is. But not if you bought it in a titty bar. Sorry.

You certainly do have a very touching penchant for fictional scenarios, though.

I knew a guy who married a stripper after meeting her at a titty bar. We all knew him as a big-time loser in relating to people.

I also knew a guy who fantasized about marrying a stripper after imagining meeting her at a titty bar. We all knew him as a big-time loser in relating to people.

Amazing coincidence!

Demi Moore is one of the worst titty dancers ever. Great body. No feel.

Aha! I knew it. BUSTED!

Just fucking stop it. It isn’t funny. No one cares about your fake troll act, and it isn’t hard to imitate jackass right wing shitbags.

She had truly rich fuckers after her whom she blew off once she met me.

Were any of them CIA agents, or terrorists with suitcase nukes, by any chance?

Anyone who claims that there is more than one troll is objectively pro-troll, and needs to be waterboarded.

Bina: I didn’t buy it in a titty bar. First of all, That’s not where I met her. I’ve hardly ever gone to titty bars because I’m not a big fan of paying high prices for blue balls. Second, I never bought anything. I went to see her one time, didn’t enjoy it, and then she quit about a week later.

Lipstick: Dude, knowing CIA agents is really not any amazing thing if you ever lived in Northern VA.

Bina: I didn’t buy it in a titty bar. First of all, That’s not where I met her. I’ve hardly ever gone to titty bars because I’m not a big fan of paying high prices for blue balls. Second, I never bought anything. I went to see her one time, didn’t enjoy it, and then she quit about a week later.

Yeah, right. First you say two weeks, now it’s down to one? Your story stinks to high heaven. Go away.

I went to see her one time, didn’t enjoy it, and then she quit about a week later.

Oh, now I believe your story. I doubted you when you said that she blew off rich guys for a starving grad student, but your latest elaborate fantasy story has convinced me.

Now, tell us about all the CIA agents you are buddies with. I’m sure you must have fascinating stories. Does your stripper/wife serve finger sandwiches when you have them over for tea?

Actually, not to defend the fool, but I actually dated a stripper once–well, we called them “topless dancers” in that primeval era. It was a nice friendly local place. We’d sit and talk and took a liking to each other, and went out a few times.

She was a very nice girl–from…Philly, I think, originally. Her husband had died in an apartment fire and she moved out here; had some dance training and put it to use. We dated for a while but no, I didn’t marry her.

Some of her colleagues were “skanks” but most were not. Of course, this was 30 years ago, before fake tits and crack whores took over the business.

Bina. I knew her for several months while she was going out with a friend of mine. He was a good dude but a total fucking drunk who liked passing out drunk more than he liked her. So I felt compelled to steal her away from him, which I did — with his later blessing I might add. That’s the only time I ever stole a woman from a friend.

Anyway, we started going out openly. After about a week I went to see her dance. A week after that she quit.

Lipstick: Dude, knowing CIA agents is really not any amazing thing if you ever lived in Northern VA.

That was another “tell” of Fantasy-Boy lying. I knew a married couple who were both CIA agents, but they didn’t tell anybody. Their cover story, even to their closest friends, was that they worked for the USDA. However, when they got posted to Italy, they bought guns with them. I’m not sure how ordinary citizens or USDA employees can get guns on an airplane, but they weren’t worried about it.

Have I ever told you guys about the time when me and the neighbor kid built a whole underground lair and we had a Batmobile and it went a million miles an hour and then we went back in time and I was a King and we had to fight all the way across the bottom of the ocean and then…

Please stop this shit. I hate the shit out of actual right wing dumbasses, but for someone to pretend to be a little annoying right wing fucker just to get response attention is just god damned pathetic. Stop this shit, you fucking dweeb.

End of thread troll evaluation form: TheFool

Overall Rating on the Absolute Scale of Trolliness: 6 (Vanderleun exemplifies maximum rating at 11)

Strengths:
persistence
ability to use multiple cliches (i.e. ticking time bomb, torture works, CIA connections, my girl firend is hawt–you’re not)
prolific-troll is able to post on multiple threads and beyond number of postings of average troll.

Opportunities
need for ego validation sometimes interferes with cliche selection; always seems to default to cliches that bolster troll’s opinion of himself. Would like to see more thematic variety in future selection of cliches.

While most arguments are admirably specious and have little or nothing to do with subject at hand, there are perhaps too obviously specious. More targeted response might appropriate in future.

Conclusion
To really hit the next level (rating 7-10), troll will need crazier arguments and more wingnut code words. Notably lacking in present posts: conflation of fascism with socliasm, re(n)education camps, single world currency. Also.

Now, tell us about all the CIA agents you are buddies with

Dude, I have some family friends who were CIA and did some amazing shit that would knock your socks off — one in particular was quite famous and whose life you could easily make a movie out of. But I’m not going to say who they are to protect my identity.

Bina. I knew her for several months while she was going out with a friend of mine. He was a good dude but a total fucking drunk who liked passing out drunk

Contrary to what you think Fantasy-Boy, more details make your story sound less believable. I know this is contrary to what neophytes might think, but it’s basic to us long-time Internet users who wade through mountains of “some of my best friends are CIA agents, and my SAT score was 1610” posts.

IMHO teh troll has been humored far beyond reason, and it’s really not worth the effort you guys are putting into it. Let him hang. In every sense.

I knew a married couple who were both CIA agents, but they didn’t tell anybody.

It all depends. Are the agents or analysts? Are they active or retired? Some of them have nothing to hide. I know a guy who was a station chief and he doesn’t hide it. They definitely don’t go out of their way to tell people and they often have some fake job while they’re active. But their family all knows, including their kids. Their kids tell their friends. Their neighbors and their own friends end up finding out. For many of them its no big secret. There really aren’t that many of them who are doing any Jason Bourne shit anyway. I knew one guy like that but only long after he was retired Most of them read newspapers all day from the country they’re assigned to or whatever.

Dude, I have some family friends who were CIA and did some amazing shit that would knock your socks off — one in particular was quite famous and whose life you could easily make a movie out of. But I’m not going to say who they are to protect my identity.

Like I said before, your stories just get more and more believeable! Who coulda thunk it?

Do you work on secret spy plots with all your CIA buddies? Come on, tell us one more adventure yarn! They’re great! And they don’t sound like a Grade-Z imitation of a Clancy novel at all!!!

IMHO teh troll has been humored far beyond reason, and it’s really not worth the effort you guys are putting into it. Let him hang. In every sense.

True, true. Fantasy-Boy was funny at first but now he is just boring. I second your motion.

Lipstsick: I know, I know. My life has been far too interesting for you to ever to believe it. The thing is I leave it up to you to believe it or not, and don’t care that much which way you go. I”m just telling it like it is, brother. You either appreciate it or you don’t.

Yeah, and a guy who seriously believes a suitcase nuke could be constructed by a dead guy in a cave in the Hindu Kush and shipped over in a shipping container is real grad school material, too.

Well, maybe at a diploma mill in Panama. Here, however, believing in any of that Jack Bauer shit would get you kicked out of undergrad.

In short, I do not believe anything this troll says.

CIA agents sometimes write interesting books.

Their family friends, not so much

As I said before, my life is really interesting and I have lots of really high-powered friends.

That’s why I spend so much time getting pwned at Sadly, No!

Why? Because it is central to my point!

Bina: my academic record is quite impressive. So you’re barking up the wrong tree. You, on the other hand, obviously know jack shit about academic philosophy because hypothetical examples like the ticking time bomb are de rigeur in ethics. They are used ALL the time. if you dispute that, it is proof positive that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

TheFool, we have much to discuss.

I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!
I RULE!!!!!!!!!
Nobody will be my friend. I’m such a victim!!!!!!!!

Bina: my academic record is quite impressive. So you’re barking up the wrong tree. You, on the other hand, obviously know jack shit about academic philosophy because hypothetical examples like the ticking time bomb are de rigeur in ethics. They are used ALL the time. if you dispute that, it is proof positive that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

I call bullshit.

In the first place, anyone with a REAL university education would know that the proper phrasing is “you don’t know jack shit” (which may also be capitalized, as in Jack Shit.) If you have an “impressive academic record”, which given your history here is HIGHLY implausible, man up and post it or STFU about it, because no one here is going to concede an inch to you unless you do (and even then, we’ll suspect you lifted it, just as you do everything else you’re not bright enough to do on your own).

In the second, the ticking time bomb scenario is only taken seriously on “24”, which I’ve already explained to you about a dozen times is FICTION.

In the third, you are not a philosopher, or you would realize that your simplistic faux scenario doesn’t even pass the sniff test.

In the fourth, you are a patronizing shit towards women, getting unduly familiar with those who want none of your lip. No one, even the neglected soon-to-be-ex-stripper girlfriend of a drunk, would give you the time of day, let alone stick with you “into the double digits” unless she were paid. And even then, she’d have a hard time waiting to get rid of you.

No, you don’t lead a fantastic life, except in your dreams. Which leads me to my fifth and final point:

FAIL.

My life has been far too interesting for you to ever to believe it. The thing is I leave it up to you to believe it or not, and don’t care that much which way you go.

I’ll give him bonus points for the awesome self-pwn4ge.

For the troll’s benefit, if your life were interesting, you wouldn’t be begging a bunch of strangers on the interducks to interact with you.

Awesome, awesome own goal there, st00pit bitch punk.

You stupid Sadly Naughts! I can come here for abuse, even though I have a high-powered career, hot wife, and lots of high-powered friends because I have also mastered cloning.

One day, while discussing terrorist/torture scenarios with all those stupid people who are beneath me, I was idly playing with a chemistry set, and due to my tremendous intellect, I invented cloning. Nothing too amazing for a super-genius like myself.

So, my clone is actually doing all the interacting here at Sadly No, while I have lengthy discussions with all my CIA buddies about what to do with the aliens they have at Area 51. Yes, they told me about them because they realize that only my super-genius brain can figure out what to do with them.

Now I give you back to my clone.

My stripper girlfriend lives in Canda, so you wouldn’t have met her. Also, the high-ranking CIA guy who routinely shares intelligence estimates with me is working in Canada too, on something super-secret.

And plus, in Canada I drank a whole beer by myself!

Dammit, The Fool, stop name-stealing!

my life is really interesting and I have lots of really high-powered friends…That’s why I spend so much time getting pwned at Sadly, No!

Well, yeah!

But if you live where I’ve lived and do what I do, you’d have lots of high-powered friends too. It doesn’t mean much and I’ve made myself as much of an outsider to it all as possible.

Time pwning tards at Sadly, Blow? I did a full day of work today in between pwning you st00pid punk bitchiz, although I do think the boss thought I was getting a little slow at some points. It really ain’t that hard.

I’ve lived a double- or triple- life all my life so its fun to come here anonymously and fuck with the punk bitchiz’ little minds by laying it all on the line.

Oh, I forgot to tell you guys something.

My stripper/wife was also diagnosed with the most extreme case of nymphomania on record. But this condition didn’t exist in her until she met me and blew off all the rich guys she could’ve had.

In fact, and this one really sounds made-up, but I SWEAR it is true – she was a virgin when she met me. Yep, it sounds like a lie, but I SWEAR ON A STACK OF BIBLES it’s true!!!!

Today I was talking to Obama and I had to put him on hold for 1/2 hour. When I came back on, he was humming a song. He told me he had waited the whole time, since anything I had to tell him would be so important that he shouldn’t miss a second of it.

My buddy Barack gets my advice on a daily basis. He tells me that I am so smart and my ideas are so good that the world would end if I didn’t tell him what to do.

@Faux Fool:

She was no virgin. But the thing is about her — she’s one of the most faithful wives anybody ever had. yeah its counterintuitive but people’s intuitions aren’t always right. Another funny thing — she’s actually very shy about nudity. When those chicks dance, they are playing a role and are usually fucked up out of their minds. She used to drink like 10-15 mixed drinks a day when she was dancing. Its not necessarily what they are like in real life.

Oops, I forgot one more little thing about myself.

Whenever the Galactic Federation needs to find out what is going on on Earth, they call me. They have such a humorous name for me – Ewutoqgklqweruqi. It’s really hard to pronounce unless you say it in the original Sirian (as in Sirius, duh).

A language which I mastered in just a few minutes, due to my super-brainpower, after being taught by their ambassador Eujwejqifopjieqwop.

Faux Fool – I have no contact with Obama but you are far closer to the reality than your little punk bitch mind could ever conceive.

Wait, just ONE MORE little fact.

I talk regularly with God. Yep, God himself. Although he has a real sense of humor, and will occasionally appear as a hot stripper when he wants my advice on something.

In fact, as we speak, I am trading emails and phone calls with someone whom you’ve all probably seen on tv several times. We are working out how to influence some major legislation on the Hill.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Self-pwn, whatever. But it happens to be true.

“In fact, as we speak, I am trading emails and phone calls with someone whom you’ve all probably seen on tv several times. We are working out how to influence some major legislation on the Hill.”

Ahh, now we know why things are so fucked up.

I call bullshit.

No. Really?

Galt’s Gulch:

Actually you would probably like most of causes I work for. But if you’re blaming Congress, then go ahead. I agree. The Republicans are evil and the Democrats are pussies.

You see that’s why I come here. I can call the Dems on the Hill, many of whom are my clients, a bunch of pussies. If I say that in most places, it gets me fired.

Fool, stop trolling the innertoobs and get back to mopping the fuckin’ floor. And quit bothering the crack-whores girls — they’re depressed enough already.

I can call the Dems on the Hill, many of whom are my clients, a bunch of pussies.

Oh, so TheFool dances in a titty bar and hooks on the side. Explains everything.

I note that the Tool still hasn’t manned up and addressed anything I said. After about an hour. That’s pretty pathetic, considering how much time he spent spinning tall ones.

Bullshit call still stands, troll. What have you REALLY got? Vault copies, now, or it ain’t valid. And then, out comes the strappado…

Ah, Jesus God, what happened to the disemvowler? THE DISEMVOWLER!

This is the LAST little thing I’ll tell you stupid people who are so far beneath me my brain gets cold every time I think about how far above you all I am.

I created the universe.

Yes, me. I am the one. You can blame me for that lousy punk music I hate so much, since I created that too.

Gimme an “L”! (“L”!)
Gimme another “L”! (“L”!)
Gimme another “L”! (“L”!)
…
Gimme another “L”! (“L”!)

What’s that spell?

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

What the hell is “Sadly No”? My janitor has been using up all our allotted Internet connect time. I’m going to fire that asshole. I sure hope he can find another job, although none of the Quick Oil Change places in the whole county are hiring.

Drag, looks like the original LLLLL comments were deleted from their thread. Those were a hoot.

Bina: man up? OK

99th percentile or higher on every standardized test ever taken, including SAT, GRE, and IQ.

Grad Fellowship at Ivy League school

Grad Fellowship at rspectable non-Ivy League School

3.9+ GPA in grad school

How bout them apples, bee-yigh-ahtch!

Still unsubstantiated. Name, student number, year of graduation, etc. required.

No wussing out, BITCH.

PS: Ivy League don’t impress me none. Dubya had a gentleman’s C and was a legacy, remember?

PPS: Care to address any SUBSTANTIVE points, instead of PRETENDING to be above the heads of us all? I’m still waiting for THAT, too. Toodly-pip…

This one time, at band camp, my high school girlfriend let me put her flute up her pussy.

It was breathtaking.

99th percentile or higher on every standardized test ever taken, including SAT, GRE, and IQ.

Grad Fellowship at Ivy League school

Grad Fellowship at rspectable non-Ivy League School

3.9+ GPA in grad school

And ends up paying for sex with desperate strippers. A true Renaissance man.

Bina: well, darling, that was Ivy AND a 3.9 GPA, which I believe works out to a gentleman’s A.

Bina: I addressed all the substantive points. I can’t help it if they’re over the heads of you st00pid punk bitchiz.

Faux Fool — did she queef out “Yankee Doodle” on that flute you were asssaulting her with?

Bina: I addressed all the substantive points. I can’t help it if they’re over the heads of you st00pid punk bitchiz.

And you can’t fucking spell.

And you wonder why I call bullshit on you? Name, student number, institutions and years of graduation, please, or the bullshit call continues to stand.

Grad Fellowship at rspectable non-Ivy League School

R-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it to me

R, R, R, R, R, R, R, R, Spect! (Just a little bit)

PS: And you’re not a gentleman either, by any reckoning. Do I need to spell out again what you are?

I’m busted! I cop to the typo. On a blog comment. lol

You boys and girls are downright desperate now.

The reason that I am simultaneously a brilliant academician and constantly use words like “retard” to describe people who pwn me is because all the top-secret CIA agents who I give advice to are hot strippers.

Or something like that, anyway. Which is central to my point.

Not a gentleman?

Even though my all-time favorite love ballad is the poignant “Fuck Her Gently” by Tenacious D?

Madam, I challenge you to a duel! I would make it a duel of wits, but I never duel with an unarmed lady!

OK Bina, here it comes, but you aren’t going to believe me.

My real name is Neo. A movie based on my life starred that idiot Keanu, who is so far beneath me that I have to get 3 blow jobs from hot strippers every time I think about it.

I was the only guy in history to have hot stripper professors give me 4.0 grades at Ivy League colleges.

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don’t always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that’s not right, to do
Sometimes you’ve got to make some love
And fuckin’ give her some smoochies too
Sometimes you got to squeeze
Sometimes you got to say “Please…”
Sometimes you got to say “Hey…”

I’m gonna fuck you, softly
I’m gonna screw you gently
I’m gonna hump you, sweetly
I’m gonna ball you discreetly

And then you say “Hey I brought you flowers”
And then you say “Wait a minute, Sally”
“I think I got somethin’ in my teeth, could you get it out for me?”
That’s fuckin’ team work!

What’s your favorite posish
That’s cool with me
It’s not my favorite but I’ll do it for you
What’s your favorite dish?
I’m not gonna cook it
But I’ll order it from Zanzibar

And then I’m gonna love you completely
And then I fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I fuckin bone you completely
But then I’m gonna fuck you haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!

Just found this website. Thanks for the entertainment for a few minutes! But I’ll move on now. The screeching hatred and the potty mouth stench quickly overwhelm. Ta ta.

The other day an IQ test I was taking lit itself on fire because I was filling in the (correct, natch) answers so quickly that the friction between the pen and the paper caused ignition.

Hey Gagaw, don’t leave! Will you be my friend? Are you a super-secret CIA agent or a hot stripper by any chance????

I hope I hope I hope I hope I hope you are!!!!!

Faux Fool – you really need to work on your material. You obviously want to be funny, but you just aren’t pulling it off.

Aw, Gagaw’s made me miss Bruce all over again.

Faux Fool – one more tip. Use more fictional stories to liven up your posts, and make yourself sound more important than you are.

I am sick of you guys making fun of me. I am going to get my crack team of CIA agents and hot strippers (in many cases the same person) to track every single one of you down!

Look you retards, because I am smarter than all of you and have so many CIA agents for close friends means that you should all shut up. I mean, like, you guys are so far beneath me and my stable of hot strippers that its like, ridiculous and stuff.

Faux Fool — seriously, dude. Maybe you should let someone else spoof me for a while who does it better. It should be easy to score a few direct hits as spoofer, but at best you’ve landed one or two glancing blows. Helll you probably land more glancing blows than that every time you go to the neighborhood gay bar!

Dude, comedy is like music — it takes a really good ear. Some people have it. A lot more wish they did. You are clearly in the latter category.

Quit making fun of me, you retards!

I’ll have you know that right now I am fighting satan for lordship over the heavens. If you keep making fun of me, causing distraction, I might lose the battle. So shut up and stand in awe of my super-duper high IQ and stuff.

Faux Fool – another tip. Make sure you declare yourself the official “scorer” in the super-important intellectual battle of commenting on a blog.

All of us super-high IQ, super-important academics find it very important to “win” on blog comments. It is because we are so very important to the very functioning of our democracy that makes it imperative that we spend lots and lots of our time “winning” blog commenting flame wars.

Faux Fool: here, let me help you out. OK, you’ve got the CIA thing and the strippers and the intellectual superiority — all the elements of some serious signifyin’. But you can’t just artlessly keep throwing them into different comments without doing anything with them but changing their order! You have to use those as your building blocks and make something funny out of them.

OK, you retards. I’m leaving now. I have a herd of hot stripper CIA agents to go score with.

And the best part is that they’re all nymphomaniacs! But don’t worry. They only tell me National Secrets when they need my advice on what to do.

Oh look, it’s talking to itself.

Looks like you don’t need me to do battle with a half-wit (which I am not, at any rate), because you’ve already got YOU.

you don’t need me to do battle with a half-wit (which I am not, at any rate)

C’mon, give yourself more credit, Bina! I’m sure you’re at least a quarter-wit — even if half-wit is a bit, er, aspirational in your case…

Dying is a lot easier than being tortured, bro.

Like you would know.

and torture is only effective with the threat of death behind it.

How many hours have I been here today, utilizing my awesome intellect?

torture is only effective with the threat of death behind it.

Idiot. If you really want to terrify your victim you threaten to keep him alive, not to kill him.

Definitely can’t let Honus be the torturer in the ticking time bomb scenario. I can hear Honus now, “Ok Bin Laden, you better spill the beans or else its going to be painful for an entire instant before I take your life! Oh sure, Osmaa, I’m sure you’d just love for me to drag it out and take it slow, but no, no, no my friend. Why it’ll be over before you know it!

Honus: one more thing. You are a fucking idiot. Torture is effective because of the pain it causes. Threatening death I’m sure adds a little soupcon of extra, added fear to the procedings, but unless you’re Super Terrorist who can withstand all pain, Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, or the Mighty Sabrina, the pain is going to be what does the trick.

Get a clue numb nuts. That’s why in movies the secret agents have the suicide pills planted in their teeth — because they’ll do anything to avoid the torture.

The screeching hatred and the potty mouth stench quickly overwhelm. Ta ta.

Somehow even concern trolls can’t make me nostalgic for 2004. That was a shitty year.

cyntax said,

Overall Rating on the Absolute Scale of Trolliness: 6 (Vanderleun exemplifies maximum rating at 11)

While I appreciate your effort I am surprised that you used the Earnest Troll Evaluation Form. Please go to the shared drive and find the file labeled “parody_time_waster_disturbed.xls” and then resubmit your work paying careful attention to the criteria found in that file’s index tab. This was a virtuoso performance. The Fool generated hundreds of comments, wasted hours of several commenters’ lives and even baited one into issuing his own grandiose declarations of CIA connectedness. All this despite dropping several hints that he is not to be taken seriously. Your evaluation needs to reflect these realities.

fool,
sure I’m an idiot. And experts on torture who are friends with lots of high ranking CIA guys up in McClean blog endlessly on humor sites about their knowledge of torture, philosophy, actionable intelligence, suitcase bombs etc.

fool,
I also really like the fact that you cite secret agent movies as the source of your knowledge about the effectiveness of torture. Get a clue numb nuts indeed.

And experts on torture who are friends with lots of high ranking CIA guys up in McClean blog endlessly on humor sites about their knowledge of torture, philosophy, actionable intelligence, suitcase bombs etc.

And titty bars. Don’t forget the titty bars.

Fool,
You might also want to ask your high ranking CIA buddies about the IRA sometimes. You know, the guys who refused anesthesia when they underwent surgery so they wouldn’t reveal information. Just because you wet your pants over the prospect of pain doesn’t mean it’s universal. But then those guys weren’t secret agents in movies.

he’s an expert on titty bars? His mom takes him to work with her?

Just because you wet your pants over the prospect of pain doesn’t mean it’s universal

Yeah, tough guy. I’m sure you’d just sit there and spit in their eye and call their mothers whores and ask them to scratch your balls for you, wouldn’t you?

Wow, your machismo just oozes out of your keyboard, bro.

All this despite dropping several hints that he is not to be taken seriously.

It all looks like pie to me.

Commenting in a King Motherfucker Behemoth thread!

It’s pretty ironic – & fitting – that the troll-of-the-month appears on a post about Pantload whining about Obama’s alleged narcissism, eh? Chronic Self-Abuser indeed. Squickier still, it just KEEPS appearing – for more than 14 hours of videoless camwhoring of the ugliest kind.

Someone REALLY needs to get out more.

No wonder the poor thing keeps coming back: you keep generously feeding it, even though all it ever has to offer is juvenile invective & faux-intellectual tripe wrapped in bad jokes. It considers ANY response you give to its yowling for attention as yet another win for Team Dipshit … & is it wrong? Sadly, NO.

Mocking such an inane asshat can be fun – but arguing with one? Yeah, not really.

Just killfile the fucking thing & move on – it deserves neither your precious time nor your wit … y’know, I sure do miss that disemvoweller right about now.

I am not by any means posting a comment here because nobody, but nobody, will ever read it. So there.

You guys!

Do you see the consequences of your stupid flamewars with trolls? Gagaw *finally* found this website, read the comments, and decided to move on!

DAMMIT, PEOPLE, *THE* GAGAW!!!!1!

We had the opportunity to have him or her or it join this community, but we SQUANDERED it by being too focused on making fun of a Thurberesque music critic who probably is just a bored fat guy.

PLUS, you’ve got Concern Troll all concerned.

I hope you’re satisfied.

Attention The Fool and General Smelly Buttsecks: Your triumphs mean nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it, and rotate! This is Nascar McHeartland. I fear no reprisal. Extension 5170.

Good chreebus.
Just ban shoelimpy, already.

I attempted to visit your community for elevated discussions but I find instead the sort of filth which gives me the vapors. Thus, I take my leave.

Wow, what a session with the hot stripper CIA agents last night. I had 8 of them crawling all over me! Some of them were about to divulge top secret secrets to me, and so I had to torture them to make them shut up!

What an important presence I am to the functioning of the USA, the world, and indeed, the universe itself.

The Fool is awesome!
The Fool is great!
He’s the one that
You just love to hate!

I like coming to Sadly, Blow because it gives me a chance to get in touch with the heartland of America.

Sadly, Blow is a p[lce where Joe and Jane Six Pack come to hash out the details of their little democracy and get a few working class laughs in the process. Just everyday people who get up in the morning, get their 2.5 kids out to school, and go to their jobs as nurses, firemen, grocery clerks, etc.

Sadly Blow is such an epicenter of the heartland that the idea that a guy went to an “Ivy League” school (oooooh!) or has an attractive wife is simply incomprehensible. For the Sadly Blots, that kind of thing only happens in movies. You’d have to be a movie star to have an attractive wife and they’ve never met any movie stars.

Likewise with politicians or even — shhhhhhhhh! — CIA employees! Those people only exist in movies after all. No one could possibly know one of those people! And if they did, they couldn’t possibly come here. Because this is a haven in the heartland where only the mediocre would possibly want to be.

I have posted 100 times on a thread whose title begins with the words “Chronic Self-Abuser”. Only a punk bitch would find that ironic. Oh, and I’m a leftist blues guitarist who reveres the 60s, but I watch “24” so I believe that torture is acceptable. Peace and love, bro!

Jeebus. Fake troll never stops begging for attention.

Jeebus. Fake troll never stops begging for attention.

And El Dic just can’t stop himself from checking on the troll’s latest and commenting on it.

Hey listen, I’m lonely! I need some love, you all. C’mon. I need some good time lovin’, sweetheart, love me, c’mon. I can’t… I can’t take it without no good love, love. I want some love, lova’lova’lova’lova’-love! Love me sweet, c’mon. Ain’t nobody gonna love my ass? C’mon.

I need ya! There’s so many of you out there. Nobody’s gonna love me sweetheart, c’mon! I need it, I need it, I need it, I need ya, I need ya, need ya, need ya, need ya, need ya, hah! AAALRIGHT! Hey, there’s a bunch of people way back there that I didn’t even notice! Hey, how about about 50 or 60 of you people come up here and love my ass, c’mon, yeeahhh, I love ya. C’mon!

AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS!

MAYBE YOU LOVE GETTING PUSHED AROUND! YOU LOVE IT, DON’T YOU?! YOU LOVE IT! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SLAVES! BUNCH OF SLAVES! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SLAVES! LETTIN’ EVERYBODY PUSH YOU AROUND. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

HEY, I’M NOT TALKIN’ ABOUT NO REVOLUTION!
I’M NOT TALKIN’ ABOUT NO DEMONSTRATION!
I’M NOT TALKIN’ ABOUT GETTIN’ OUT ON THE STREETS!
I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT HAVIN’ SOME FUN!
I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT DANCIN’!
I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR, TILL IT HURTS!
I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT GRAB YOUR FRIEND!
I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT LOVE, I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT SOME LOVE, I’M
TALKIN’ ABOUT SOME LOVE, I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT LOVE, LOVE,
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! GRAB YOUR …
FFFFFFUCKIN’ FRIEND AND LOVE HIM! COME ON! YEAH!

And El Dic just can’t stop himself from checking on the troll’s latest and commenting on it.

Strangely enough, there were other people here before you came along with the fake trollery, and there will be other people here after you, like all the other fake trolls, leave. Maybe if your imaginary skank paid you more attention you would find something else to do.

Hey Faux Fool: I’m digging The Doors quotes. Thanks bro. Right on!

@El Dic

Dude, you can bitch and moan like the little punk bitch you are all you want, but the fact is you can’t stop coming back and reading my latest. Of course then you have to make the obligatory noises about how much you hate it but face it, bro — I’m your guilty pleasure. You just can’t quit me, baby.

What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

Dudes and Dudettes, have I told you how awesome I am yet?

Duh! Well of course I have!

But I mean in the last few seconds.

Faux Fool – If you really want to make people think you’re me, be sure to brag about how smart you are, how hot your bitchez are, and how many CIA agents you know.

What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

What on Earth do you mean? I read blogs for entertainment. There are other people on here I find entertaining.

No one can prevent you from being a jackass if that’s what you really want to do.

What do you mean “WHUTR U GONNA DO ABOUT IT”? Why, nothing. Not in your most fevered fantasies are you ‘pushing’ anyone ‘around’. Are you now also under some delusion that you’re tough or skeery?

You’re a jackass. When it entertains me to call you a delusional jackass, I will. I’d rather read the actually interesting people here, but you have to keep your dweebish little attention whoring on because, I dunno, you get bored of your fantasy life. I don’t care.

None of it makes you intimidating or threatening any more than the tech geek libertarian with awful halitosis who attaches himself to people at parties who don’t like him and proceed bore them to death with his conspiracy theories.

Faux Fool can’t get enough of me either. I luv it! You boys love me! You really love me!

You guys think you’re mocking me by posting under my name, but what you punk bitches don’t know is that every time you do that I win more money in a long running bet I have with my fellow Halo players.

Keep posting! Remember that all my claims are completely fictional, and just designed to keep you guys posting to me!

That way I WIN!!! I RULE!!!!!!

I’d rather read the actually interesting people here, but you have to keep your dweebish little attention whoring on because, I dunno, you get bored of your fantasy life. I don’t care.

Not very convincing, bro. Is there some reason why you can’t get your blog jollies on some other thread? Yet, you seem to feel compelled to keep coming back here to this one even though you know exacrtly what you will find here. Curious, isn’t it?

Its like Brokeback Blog and you just can’t quit me, can you?

And dude, I was just quoting the Doors that Faux Fool posted above. Didn’t mean to “intimidate” you. But I do get a chuckle out of the idea that you were intimidated. lol

Boo!

DO YOU WANNA SEE MY COCK???

Yes, please.

Oh gees! My mommy wants to find out who all my new friends are. She’s worried about cyber stalkers.

Will you guys please list your ages? I’m not supposed to talk to anybody older than 15.

What a bummer my old lady is!

Hey Faux Fool – You know you can get arrested for that in Miaimi. But I think the answer ro your question is that El Cid does in fact want to see my cock.

Come on guys! Tell me your ages! My mommy will take away my computer if you don’t!

Hello, I am looking for Mr. Fool. I have been told that he is a super secret agent that we can confide all our secrets to.

Mr Fool, please contact me on channel 45345 of your secret decoder machine. We have information that you have so many hot strippers that you may be cornering the market on them.

We are looking for Mr. Fool. We have been told he has loads of hot strippers, and we need to hire some.

This thread would be so much more interesting if Dr. BLT showed up. Maybe the Fool could critique his music for us.

Fake troll, do whatever you want. Just remember, I was posting here, and then you have to show up and start stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex. That’s you.

If it bothers and frightens you that I write on a fucking blog that you’re a fake troll and delusional jackass, then go somewhere like your fantasy Ivy league CIA strip club and annoy the help again, since they will pretend to like you for money.

If it means that much for you to go to a blog where people read and write what they like and just be a jackass because you’ve got time and the internet, do it. Keep doing it. Become the mascot fake troll if you want. That way you can pretend to have friends whom you don’t have to pay.

Everytime you guys mock me, I WIN!!

I RULE!!!

But I’m joking about all that. On a serious note, will any of you guys be my friend? I read on the internet about how hard it is to make friends when you are like 60, but I’m only 15. Why is it so hard to make friends at my age?

@El Dic:

If it bothers and frightens you that I write on a fucking blog that you’re a fake troll

No, it doesn’t bother me, and of course it hardly frightens me.

I just find it flattering that you can’t stop coming back for more of The Fool! Well, bro, you came to the right place!

I RULE!!!!

Please, will SOMEBODY be my friend? My mommy says I need to make some friends or else I will to keep going to that shrink doctor.

Marv: why, what kind of music does your buddy play?

Faux Fool:

Dude you’re really wearing it out. Your “jokes” really were never funny or clever to begin with but now you’re starting to just come off like a dork. Just some friendly advice, bro: Give it a rest.

You’re like the overeager highschool boy who tries to join in on the ritual hazing of some other poor kid, just thankful that for once he is not the target himself.

I was posting here, and then fake troll shows up and starts stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex.

@El Dic:

We got off the topic of your taste for jelly farts a long time ago, why are you bringing it up again now, several hundred comments later?

I have a theory…

What had happened was, I was posting here, and then fake troll shows up and starts stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex.

——————————————————————————–
The Fool I’m gonna tell you this one time, El fuckin’ Cid, an’ I ain’t foolin’. What I don’t know – all them things that I don’t know – could get you killed if I come to know them. I ain’t jokin’.

El Cid: Yeah well try this one, and I’ll say it just once!

The Fool: Go ahead!

El Cid: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin’ real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn’t want it, Fool! So what we got now is Brokeback Blog! Everything’s built on that! That’s all we got, boy, fuckin’ all. So I hope you know that, even if you don’t never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on – and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you’ll kill me for needing somethin’ I don’t hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I’m not you… I can’t make it on a coupla high-altitude jelly fart sucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Fool, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you.

The Fool: [crying] Well, why don’t you? Why don’t you just let me be? It’s because of you El Cid, that I’m like this! I’m nothin’… I’m nowhere… Get the fuck off me! I can’t stand being like this no more, El Cid.

This thread would be so much more interesting if Dr. BLT showed up. Maybe the Fool could critique his music for us.

I might consider unkill-listing to see the first few rounds of that exchange.

My important job is so important that I need to spend time posting in a vain attempt to win blog comment flame wars.

In fact, I spend so much time on this blog that my various stripper bitchez are threatening to leave me, but don’t worry! I will waterboard them to make them stay.

I’m so happy on this blog! It is the first time I have had friends since I killed Timmy’s dog. He was the last kid on the block who would talk to me!

But it was an accident! Really Timmy!

I RULE!!!!!

Please. Can we get a better Faux Fool? Somebody. Anybody.

Go ahead and mock me — I can take it — but can we please get someone in here who can do it and be at least a little bit funny?

I consider “jelly fart” the height of wit.

All my Ivy League professors told me this fact as they admired the extremely high grades I got in all the classes I took.

Now my CIA agent friends are telling me the same thing!

And I bet you that the many hot strippers I know will echo their sentiments!

I RULE!!!!

Bring on your champion, sir. I’m sure Dr. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato will be a worthy opponent. And I promise to only let the pwnage go on for so long before I give the poor brute quarter.

Let the schooling begin! The Fool is at the lectern!

Most genuine big shots don’t have bosses.

Just sayin

As usual, I was posting here, and then fake troll shows up and starts stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex.

I will never understand why the mods let threads like this continue.

@El Cid:

You can run Cid, but you can’t hide. We all know why you’re here. It’s completely voluntary after all. You could be anywhere else on the internet you wanted to be. But here is where that happens to be. You really doth protest too much.

But it’s cool, Cid. I find it very flattering. But I have to be up front with you, Cid. It’s totally Platonic. Don’t get any crazy notions that it’ll go any further than this.

I will never understand why the mods let threads like this continue.

I will never understand why people like you feel the need to censor a thread like this. Is there somebody forcing you to be here?

You Sadly Blots and your very guilty pleasures. I find you all amusing.

As long as I get the last word, I WIN!!

I RULE!

Since I win AND I rule, will one of you guys be my friend? PLEASE???

@Rusty:

Most genuine big shots don’t have bosses.

1) I never said I was a big shot. It’s my fan base here on Sadly Blow which thinks of me that way.

2) When you get in the Big Leagues, you often do have a boss who is a big shot. If you all think that makes me a big shot, well I can understand your heartland way of thinking and I don’t worry about it much.

If you guys knew how important I was, you would probably want to be my friend!

How important am I? I’ll have you know that I have lots of hot stripper CIA agents as close, personal friends!

Now, will at least ONE of you guys be my friend?

Pretty please???

The girl turned heads everywhere she went.

Followed by vomiting noises, I get it.

I never said I was a big shot!

I just said this: “In fact, as we speak, I am trading emails and phone calls with someone whom you’ve all probably seen on tv several times. We are working out how to influence some major legislation on the Hill.”

And this: “I have no contact with Obama but you are far closer to the reality than your little punk bitch mind could ever conceive.”

So, no, I never called myself a “big shot”.

I just called myself “loser”, although I needed a lot more words to do it.

Well, my boss IS a big shot.

Don’t let my constant uses of the word “retard” and the phrase “jelly fart” fool you!

I am a super-genius! All my Ivy League professors said so!

I RULE!!!

I did a full day of working the fry machine today in between pwning you st00pid punk bitchiz, although I do think the boss thought I was getting a little slow at some points. It really ain’t that hard.

actor:

I’m serious bro. She’s a little older and heavier now, but still doing very well. But back in the day? Holy shit!

My boss is a Real Big Shot! He has a checkbook and everything!

Keep it up, kid, and I’ll bust you down to emptying the outside garbage cans. Working the fry machine is a privilege, not a right.

And shine my Kia, jam-band bitch.

The odd thing for any CIA stripper lover academic philosopher who works on Capitol Hill out there, I was posting here, and then fake troll shows up and starts stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex.

When I use the word “bro”, it means that you’re my friend!

Finally! I have friends! Can we all, like, hang out with a beer or something? You’ll have to buy. But I’ll tell you lots of neat-o stories about all my hot strippers!

Please kill me.

Cid:

OK your obsession is getting kind of creepy now. The past is the past Cid. We had fun. We did what we did. But you got get over it now.

You gotta quit me, Cid!

Our host may die, but we survive forever even in the cemetery environment.

BTW, I am imaginary.

Cf: hot strippers, CIA agent friends, big shot bosses, Ivy League, etc etc etc.

I contain multitudes.

I was minding my own business, fucking all the Penthouse Pets from the last 3 years while skydiving off of the space shuttle on the way to my secret NSA base, and then fake troll shows up and starts stalking me and demanding people blog about buttsex.

The more impossible you boys find the truth of my life history, the more I actually AM starting to feel like a big shot! I love being here in the heartland! It makes me feel swell!

Unfortunately, you boys are also looking more and more pathetic yourselves. Dudes! Get some self-respect! I can’t feel like a big shot if all of my acolytes are mere piss ants.

Foolie, a man who is impressed by how “hot” his partner was is a fool indeed.

Our host may die, but we survive forever even in the cemetery environment.

That’s never been proven.

Hey, it is true! I’ve read about The Fool’s life in a magazine! Several in fact.

Penthouse…Letters To Penthouse…the Best Of Letters To Penthouse…Letters Even Penthouse Rejected As Too Fictional….

actor: just being honest. She’s still pretty hot. Its just that when she was 24 she would make your jaw drop. Now, you just look at her and say, “That’s a good looking woman.”

You guys lay off TheFool. He did me a HUGE favor, if you get my drift.

I’m not getting any shinier out here while you piddle away on your friend’s iPhone, jam-band bitch.

My god … 500+ comments? I only read through the first and last few dozen, so let me guess what happened:

1. A troll arrived

2. Since the disemvowler is on vacation, someone fed said troll.

3. The troll regaled everyone with massive amounts of hypocrisy, strawmen, fact-free assertions, and/or ridiculous “what-if” scenarios. All of which were interspersed with comments about how great he is, who he knows, how much money he makes, and/or all kinds of insults against general “liberals.”

4. Despite the troll being totally owned, embarrassed, and proven to be rank douche nozzle, he* declares victory. Repeatedly.

5. Despite spending countless hours trolling, declares he has better things to do and goes away, convinced of his superiority despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

So … how close did I get?

(*I have yet to run across a female troll. Probably because, on average, women don’t have the need to prop up their egos and/or win some virtual pissing match the way men do.)

Leave us out of this, please.

Ok whoever the Faux Fool is with the kia jokes: that’s the idea, sport! You are much funnier than that other tiresome Faux Fool.

I agree on the jam bands. I tried to get into them, but none of them have ever even approached doing what the Dead did — and that certainly includes Phish. I had hopes that a genre could be made out of what they did but it just hasn’t worked out. They were a one shot deal.

Kia, I know a way you can get REAL shiny but you definitely don’t want to do it. You have to take a bath in Lysol afterwards.

Can I list all you guys as “friends” on my college application?

My mommy said it would make me seem less strange.

We’d like “bro” back, please.

ok, stripper pole? I’m pretty sure you’re the other Faux Fool. You are just NOT funny, bro. Sorry to break it to you.

Here you are with the easiest target in the world. Everyone hates The Fool — after all he’s the one they love to hate! But even with this incredibly easy target, you’re still just shooting blanks. Just not funny at all.

Finally.

Turns out that the Firefox extension MR Tech Toolkit allows you to over-ride the version compatibility of Greasemonkey so that it is compatible with 3.5b4, for them’s what use it.

You do apparently have to make sure that the desired extension gets downloaded as an XPI file, so go to somewhere like download.com to save the file rather than have Firefox install it.

Then you can bring up the MR Tech Toolkit options, enable the menus, enable the “Install Extensions” etc menus, and then whenever you pull up the “Add-On’s” window for an incompatible extension, look up to the “File” menu and choose “Install Extension”.

As the prompt to install comes up, just check the box for overriding the version compatibility check.

Then you can install and use your Greasemonkey scripts again with 3.5b4. Cool.

@ Mark D

It seems to be some sort of autoresponder bot or program, like Eliza. Maybe it will evolve to the point of trying to get people to send money to a Nigerian bank account.

You guys love me! Finally I have friends!

Can you guys buy me a beer? I can’t yet.

All I have to say is, “thank God for TheFool’s wife.”

By the way — the MR Tech Tookit add-on will allow you to use your Greasemonkey scripts with Firefox 3.5b4. You just have to follow the basic instructions and make sure and download the desired extension as an XPI (by downloading it from somewhere like download.com, and not by having Firefox install it).

After installing MR Tech Toolkit and enable (via options) the different menus (“Install Extensions” etc), and then when you bring up the “Add-On’s” menu in Firefox, look for the menu at top left and under File choose “Install Extensions.” Find the downloaded XPI extension.

When the prompt to “Install’ comes up, there you can check to disable the compatibility checking, and, boom, suddenly those users of Firefox 3.5b4 can use Greasemonkey scripts again, for whatever reasons people might be so inspired to do so.

Okay, bored now. We can haz neu thred plz?

El Cid:

You’re so cute the way you act all like you’re just dying for the latest technology to somehow avoid The Fool.

The Fool is just here on this one spent thread, bro. You don’t need any fancy technology to avoid him. A simple mouse click on another thread will work quite well.

But you just can’t bring yourself to do it, can you Cid?

Truth is, you just can’t quit me. And it’s killing you.

Now, you just look at her and say, “That’s a good looking woman Labrador.”

Fixed!

Now, you just look at her and say, “That’s a good looking licking woman Labrador.”

Really fixed. And a good explanation for all the stripper fantasies.

Haha. Good one.

I love when the hunter is captured by the game.

I get the last comment on this thread!

I WIN!! I RULE!!!

I bet if I put this on those college application forms my mommy keeps bugging me about I’ll get into one of those fancy “Ivy Lege” colleges!

Anyone who needs Greasemonkey compatibility with Firefox 3.5b4 should look into Nightly Tester Tools from the addons.mozilla.org site, it is lightweight and designed exactly for this kind of situation (needed extension as a maxVersion lower than your current browser).

Nice try, bitchiz

Now, you just look at her and say, “That’s a good looking licking woman Labrador.”

Really fixed. And a good explanation for all the stripper fantasies.

Strippers only lick when there’s a real pole involved.

The more you mock and pwn me, the more I WIN!

That’s the rule for super-geniuses like me who get Ivy League degrees and stuff.

Punk rock is awesome, and it saved music.

There ya go, Fool. That should keep you entertained for a couple more hours.

/off to somewhere more entertaining

Good effort, my st00pid punk bitch friends

Punk rock is awesome, and it saved music.

I concur. And no punker ever sold his soul to put his likeness on towels and blankets and his name on silk ties.

OMG! Where did you find that pic of Spittle Beast?