Chipmunk Droppings or Raisins? You Decide.

Shorter Tim Graham:

tim_chipmunk_graham_3

Tim Graham, NewsBlusters
Daily Kos Reader Favorite: An F-Bomb-Packed Rant Against Cheney

  • I found someone on Kos who said “Fuck” twenty-three times which is all the proof anyone needs that all liberals are mean, vicious and unreasonable. And what’s up with recipes for green bean salad and nacho dip over at Kos? I’ll bet we’re talking some non-fat, low-calorie, low-sodium crap that I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 159

 
 
 

I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

And thus the problem of pig-ignorant wingnuttery was found to be largely self-correcting over time as their tiny corpulent hearts exploded under the stress of cholesteral and constant outrage.
And the liberals lived happily ever after on salads, chicken breasts and occasional bacon.
The End

 
 

All of that, and no engagement with what Cheney did to provoke such a response.

Also, everyone likes green bean salad except for terrorists. Green bean salad is a non-negotiable part of American life.

 
 

Frist!
And yes, it is a lovely Sunday afternoon over here and I have no life. Fuck me etc.
Also, I was under the impression that an F-bomb is defined as a spontaneous uttering of the word “fuck”, hence it doesn’t really apply to written expression (which is, by definition, the very opposite of spontaneous).

 
 

I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

And thus the problem of pig-ignorant wingnuttery was found to be self-correcting as their tiny lard-clogged hearts exploded under the strain of cholestoral and constant outrage.
And all the liberals lived happily ever after on salads, bran, chicken breasts, a little wine and occasion bacon.
The End

 
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain
 

I’d like to read the Kos article, but I’m not going to NewsBlusters to obtain the link.

 
 

As we all know, if anyone uses profanity ever, they have no valid points to make. Unless it’s Cheney using them, of course.

 
The Tragically Flip
 
 

I’m off today, kid. You’re on your own.

 
 

Maybe Tim Graham has a fucking point. One can hardly fucking read any fucking discourse at all without a bunch of fucking curse-words thrown in. Now, any sane fucker ought to be able to wake up and go read the fucking internet without some unsavory fuck using bad words to talk about some fucker defending torture. Those awful liberal fuckers who use bad language are completely fucking rude and in no fucking way show the sort of respect that should be fucking given to fuckers writing about how awesome torture is.

 
I Cried My Heart Out For Want Of My Love
 

Fuck you, fuck your friends, fuck your family and fuck anyone who knows you.

 
 

H/T to Balloon Juice:

JWWB

Jesus Would Water Board.

It’s likely even Jesus would have OK’d water boarding if it would have saved his Mom. He would’ve done the same to save his Dad, or any one of His disciples. For that matter, He even died to save all humans.

It’s obvious He would not be happy with those who voted for the candidate who kills because it’s above his “pay grade” to know if they’re alive. Checking the Commandments, killing innocents is against the 5th.

 
I Cried My Heart Out For Want Of My Love
 

But torturing innocents isn’t mentioned at all so we’re OK!

 
 

I have no idea whether El Cid’s citation above, about Jesus waterboarding, is satirical or sincere. But that’s not what’s important.

What’s important is the idea that Jesus had a “Mom.” Can’t we re-write the Christian prayer to make it more relevant? To “Holy Mary, Mom of God,” etc.?

Yes we can!

 
 

Mr. Wonderful: the citation was from Red State. It was serious. The ‘auteur’ is seriously arguing that Jesus of Nazareth would have waterboarded people to save his Mother Mary. Also, it’s unclear if by “Dad” is meant Joseph or God. Because if the terrorists can really threaten God, then it’s sort of useless to try and stop them, isn’t it?

 
 

I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

Doan’ youse wan’ the order of snotchos d’ nice man in t’ corner sent over, Missah Graham? Dey very nise.

 
 

I only clicked on the fucking link to find the recipe for green bean salad and then he doesn’t even provide the fucking link for that.

 
 

In a way, I wish there really were a heaven and hell so Jesus could never stop throwing up on the Redstaters.

On the other hand, if the Bible were true, there’s a decent chance that Jesus would be just as maniacal and bloodthirsty as the wingnuts — something like a cross between Attila the Hun, Torquemada, and the UFO nerd in the “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space” episode of “The X-Files.”

 
 

Scott: Do you know how to obtain that Millenium episode where they satirize Scientology as “Selfosophy,” as narrated by Jose Chung? I’ve googled a bit, but maybe if there’s a certain episode # it could be on DVD or something.

 
 

there’s a decent chance that Jesus would be just as maniacal and bloodthirsty as the wingnuts

You know very well his Daddy is, what with all the smiting and slaughtering of pagans and blood sacrifices and fire and brimstone and all that.

 
 

What’s really cool over there is the green button that says “free bias alerts”. Uh huh.

 
 

C’mon, Meester Graham – look this nise Asian man over dere in t’ other corner, he send you this big glass of Coke. See him grin?

 
 

El Cid, Wikipedia says that “Jose Chung’s Doomsday Defense” was from the second season of “Millennium”…

Amazon lists a DVD collection of all three seasons of “Millennium” for a little over fifty bucks…

 
 

It’s likely even Jesus would have OK’d water boarding….For that matter, He even died to save all humans.

Um, yes. He was tortured and then he died.

 
 

Fuck you, fuck your friends, fuck your family and fuck anyone who knows you.
You forgot the George Carlin Ammendment:

… and anybody who looks like you!

 
 

My favorite right-winger comment usually starts out with, “Can you imagine the outrage if any conservative ever…?” because no anonymous commenter on any conservative blog has ever said anything in an uncivil manner when discussing elected officials. Ever.

 
a different mikey
 

Re: droppings vs. raisins:

A friend was a Park Ranger at Denali. I asked him what the stupid questions he had to deal with were like and he said there were two clear winners.

“Who makes the game trails?”

and, from tourists holding up moose turds:

“Are these pecans?”

 
 

Don’t they all start out like that?

 
 

Serious People can Reasonably Disagree about the torture of human beings suspected terrists. Anyone who uses naughty language has no perspective. At least we don’t behead people, etc…

(/drinking a bottle of organic prosecco)

 
 

Ouch, that really hurt. And, please, keep eating the all-american diet of grease and sugar. Your demise will leave more room for the rest of us. And (giggle, snicker) f-bomb you and the f-bomb you rode in on.

 
 

Those aren’t cotton swabs. He’s storing nuts in his cheeks for winter.

 
 

Cheney used the F word too, on the senate floor, to Patrick Lehey, as I, ah, I mean Dr BLT, noted in this song..

Right-wingers Need Love Too
Dr BLT
words and music by Dr BLT © 2009
http://www.drblt.net/music/rightwingers.mp3

The only difference is, Dick delivered the word with style, and he reserved it for the man who really deserved it.

 
 

Are there any Republicans currently holding office? Are Cheney and Gingrich all over the news because every last remaining Republican office holder is insane? Or can the media just not accept that President Obama is running the show now?

 
 

I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

And a diet Coke.

 
 

Nobody is going to listen to your shitty spam music.

 
Shecky McTeabagg
 

How can a reasonable person discuss anything with a potty mouth?

Four republicans are sitting in a urologist’s waiting room. Rush Limbaugh asks Dennis Hastert “Why are you here?” Dennis Hastert says “I’m so fat that my kidneys are being damaged by my weight and pressure of other internal organs.” Rush asks Kelsey Grammer “Why are you here?” Kelsey Grammer says “I was taking so many illegally obtained prescription painkillers that I damaged my kidneys.” Rush asks Marc Foley “Why are you here?” Marc Foley says “I had anal sex with caribbean boy prostitutes and caught a disease that has damaged my kidneys. Why are you here, Rush?” Rush Limbaugh says “Wanda Sykes cast a voodoo curse on me.”

 
 

Jesus would have crucified his opponents after waterboarding them.

Also in the interest of being civil:
Don’t say Jesus Christ, Say cheese & rice

You Sons of a Mother!11!

 
 

Chipmunk Droppings or Raisins?

I know! Thems is Smart Pills!

 
Saint jim, Patron Saint of Bitchslapping
 

I’m going to take a raincheck on taste-testing those particular “raisins” – but thanks anyway.

1,000 free internets to the person that e-mails Graham the biggest, ugliest, most profane Rude Pundit post they can dig up … that guy’s written some stuff that makes 23 “fucks” in one post sound like “The Adventures Of Lassie.”

After seeing one of our trolls the other day saying what a cool bunch of defense-conscious civilization-loving patriotic swells the fucking NAZIS were, seeing a Red State Stroke Force yahoo giving a straight answer to “Who Would Jesus Waterboard?” is just par for the curse – parsing context is not a neocon’s strong suit … “we create our own reality” be damned: if you roll around in your own shit long enough, you may not notice the stink after awhile – but everyone else sure the hell does.

 
 

(lol hagiographical fail @ 19:02)

 
 

Mark 3: 20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

….

31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

33 “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

 
Knights in White Satin
 

In Conserva-world is there a certain number of F–ks one can write or say before it becomes “wrong”?

Or is it another OK if your Repub (because you have a good reason to swear!)

Not Ok for a dirty f—king Liberal, they just like saying f–k all the time.

 
 

Christians were so much more fun when they were the ones being tortured

 
 

Christians were so much more fun when they were the ones being tortured

I agree.

*urp*

 
 

IF Jesus had been the one torturing terrorists, well, it would still be against the law and a war crime.

 
 

Here is the DKos diary for those who don’t want to go to NewsBusters to get it.

Hey Dick, F- YOU!!!!

The votes are:

Dick Cheney

Asshole – 1% – 41 votes
Fucking Asshole – 93% – 3115 votes
Pie – 5% – 179 votes

376 comments so far but it’s pretty old by now.

Tim Graham is also aware of all internet traditions. especially the one where you post recipes in his troll diaries.

 
 

So, torturing people is hunky-dory but using TEH EFFWERD calls a writer’s moral judgment into question.

Huh.

What fucking planet is this, again?

 
 

El Cid

re: Millenium TV show torrents
uTorrent is the best.

 
 

“Get this, fuck that, I don’t owe you fuckers anything & all I’ve got to say is: Fuck yooooou!!”

 
 

“Get this, fuck that, I don’t owe you fuckers anything & all I’ve got to say is: Fuck yooooou!!”

I paid off my credit card this past Friday, and as soon as the payment clears I am going to close the account.

I wasn’t sure how to break the news to the credit card company, but then again I didn’t consult M. Bouffant.

 
 

Chiller seems to be re-running Millenium, if you get Chiller.

All times PDT. Not necessarily on ch. 299 on your system.

Some of us don’t even get WordPress.

 
 

I had to consult Nat’l. Lampoon’s Radio Dinner for that, but I have of course “made it mine.” Not that you can’t use it.

 
 

Some of us don’t even get WordPress.

I often feel that it’s more a case of WordPress just doesn’t get me.

 
 

Tintin: You couldn’t find the “real” (2-D) Alvin? That 3-D, 21st century crap is blasphemy.

 
 

I think we all know what WP can “get.”

 
 

Tintin: You couldn’t find the “real” (2-D) Alvin? That 3-D, 21st century crap is blasphemy.

Yes but, well, so is Tim Graham.

 
 

I was watching The McLaughlin Group – because I’m sick! – and Monica Crowley claimed 100% effectiveness for whatever it was Dick Cheney was defending.

 
 

It’s an “American Original.”

 
 

and Monica Crowley claimed 100% effectiveness for whatever it was Dick Cheney was defending.

60% of the time, it works every time.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

Anybody brave enough to post a comment on this loser’s blog should use the standard excuse the insane repigs use when they insult a Liberal:

“That guy on KOS was just joking! Can’t you guys take a joke? What a bunch of losers you are!”

Cf: Ann The Man Coulter, Limpballs, Hannity, etc

 
 

We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won’t allow them to write “fuck” on their airplanes because it’s obscene! — Col. Kurtz

 
 

Liberals will just have to learn to be more politically correct so as not to upset Tim Graham.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, and fuck you, I’m out!”

 
 

What is it with all these man-of-the-people conservative types who apparently have never been within earshot of a job involving manual labor and/or the military where “fuck” is every other word?

 
 

I am inspired to write a civil reply to Mr. Graham. Here goes:


Dear Sir,

I hope this letter finds you well. Please find the enclosed bag of dicks and eat them.

Yours in Christ,

Michael

encl: Bag of dicks.

 
i'm going goober
 

 
 

Michael G, you cheap -skate! You couldn’t send him a BIG bag o’ dicks?

 
 

Actually, Tim Graham is a pretty impressive guy. In his youth he founded and edited the Bemidji Student Review, which rocked mighty Bemidji State University to its very foundations. He was once permitted to speak to Ari Fleischer. And now, as he enters the middle span of his life, he can look forward to the many more years he’ll spend working for Brent Bozell.

It’s the sort of life most of us can only dream of.

 
 

He’s storing nuts in his cheeks for winter.

If memory serves, Orr used to walk around as a child with crabapples in his cheeks because he wanted to be apple-cheeked.
I can only conclude that when Tim Graham was a child, he aspired to be a dickhead.

 
 

In 1997 he created and served as editor of the Media Reality Check, a weekly blast-fax report on national news stories that are distorted or ignored

I think they meant “should be distorted or ignored” by the Roller Rink Wurlitzer of Wing-Nuttery.

 
 

Goober, just for you:

Wingnut News 1
Wingnut News 2
Wingnut News 3

Address my point, cons.

 
 

I always assumed that the “blast-fax” was a joke about 80’s methods being used to coordinate wingers, but now it all appears to be true.

Maybe for this sparkly new century, they could go the Sirens of Titan route and have antennae grafted to their skulls.

 
 

Oh, that Orr.

Been 40 yrs. in the desert since I read that.

 
 

The Orr the eerier.

 
 

“Get this, fuck that, I don’t owe you fuckers anything & all I’ve got to say is: Fuck yooooou!!”

“…the sky is bluuuuuuuuuu-OOO!”

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I found someone on Kos who said “Fuck” twenty-three times which is all the proof anyone needs that all liberals are mean, vicious and unreasonable.

Shane MacGowan writes for Kos?

 
 

Ok, SadlyNo, it’s over. I must say, I enjoyed occasionally the way you would satirize wingnuts, by slightly distorting their writing make it funnier. I did get a few laughs on a few occasions from your humorous efforts. But, sadly, (hehe) you can’t really compete anymore. From now on I am switching to Weekly Standard’s original prose to get my laughs, fun and entertainment. You are witty guys, and all, but some things just cannot be made funnier…

“This is why marriage between men and women has been necessary in virtually every society ever known. Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood–and sexual accessibility–is defined.’

“This most profound aspect of marriage–protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex–is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage. Virginity until marriage, arranged marriages, the special status of the sexuality of one partner but not the other (and her protection from the other sex)–these motivating forces for marriage do not apply to same-sex lovers. ”

http://weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/016/533narty.asp?pg=2

The Weekly Standard: the standard by which comedy will be judged forever!

 
 

“And Mick Jagger
I think that Mick’s a jerk with all his stupid faggot dancin’
I always did
Wigglin’ his ass you know it’s just a lot of bullshit
And where does he come off sayin’ all those tarty things about the Beatles
When every fuckin’ thing we ever did Mick tried to copy and you and know we even wrote his second fucking record for him, no the stones aren’t in the same fuckin’ class as the Beatles, either music-wise or power-wise,?they never ever were.
Pardon me sir.”

Magical Misery Tour still cracks me up after all these years.

 
 

I never click on the links, so I’m not going to click on krassen’s link, but if some braver soul than I should venture over there, please convey my most sincere response to whoever wrote that article:

Fucking control THIS [picture of raised middle finger], asshole!

 
No-Visible-Means
 

Gotta hand it to the Weekly Standard. That one is a gem! Now I don’t know where Kinsey is buried, but the turbo-charged spinning noise from the coffin is probably waking the neighborhood up.

 
 

controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex
There you go. Monogamy is the new B-&-D. Who’s vanilla now, eh, you S-&-M types?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Appropos of nothing… a friend of mine who is a moderate Republican (he’s the child of a couple who fled Eastern Europe as the Soviets rolled in, and he lived in Europe during the GOP’s descent into the maelstrom of madness, so I’ll cut him some slack for his Reaganolatry) is in town for a few days. Yesterday, he had a small BBQ at his parents’ place, and another guy I’ve known for years (who is now full-on wingnut, so I generally avoid him) was there. Well, moderate Republican and I both worked at the same multinational (rhymes with “May I Pee?), and we started talking about the meltdown, and our former employer’s role in it. Wingnut boy trundles out the same old tired talking points about Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, and Moderate Republican and I just demolished him point by point.

He’d never even heard of the Glass-Steagall Act.

I don’t think he’s Tw00fie, though, he may have become a cobag, but he’s actually a pretty good writer.

 
 

rhymes with “May I Pee?

JIZ?

 
 

As for the marriage thing, out of context it could be the start of a feminist discussion of marriage, where it serves as a cautionary look back at how bad things were, and serves as a mile stone so we can see how far we’ve come. It’d be like starting off a piece on hygiene with a discussion of how doctors would move from autopsy to child birth without washing their hands.

But if that’s the whole conception of modern marriage, its a flimsy thing. Contraception, paternity tests, and modern no-fault divorce neatly remove the issue of sex-control from marriage. Women can avoid pregnancy out side of marriage, so it isn’t so important to be wedded soon. Inside of a marriage, if there is infidelity, a paternity test will sort it out. Moreover, the bedroom politics of affairs, lovers, and mistresses don’t have to become public, as either party may divorce the other without citing reasons.

With sex politics gone, what’s left? Child bearing? All of those tired, thread-bare arguments about running out of kids, or confused kids, etc.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

KIC!

Well, now I am working for a groovy non-profit. There is an adorable rescued cat in the office I am in now. Alas, my stint tonight is drawing to a close, and I am going to go malt. There’s a case of Yuengling in the Stop and Shop that has the BBBB logo on it.

 
 

“My favorite right-winger comment usually starts out with, “Can you imagine the outrage if any conservative ever…?” because no anonymous commenter on any conservative blog has ever said anything in an uncivil manner when discussing elected officials. Ever.”

Forget about an anonymous blog. the “victim” of the putative f-bombs once told a senator, on the senate floor, to “fuck himself.” Sort of sets the bar pretty high for incivility.

 
Who Wrote " Dreams" and Why it Matters
 

While waiting for America’s publishers to find their nerve, I had put my research into the authorship of Barack Obama’s 1995 memoir Dreams From My Father on the back shelf.  But then I heard Chris Matthews.The Hardball host was weighing in on the subject of Sarah Palin’s new book deal.  “Sarah Palin – now don’t laugh – is writing a book,” sneered Matthews. “Not just reading a book, writing a book.””Actually in the word of the publisher she’s “collaborating” on a book,” Matthews continued.  “What an embarrassment! It’s one of these ‘I told you,’ books that jocks do. You know she’s already declared, I mean, why they do it like this? ‘She can’t write, we got a collaborator for her.'” I dedicate what follows to Matthews and those willfully blind souls like him.  It is a work in progress, a collective one at that, aided and abetted by nearly a score of volunteer co-conspirators from Hawaii to Ohio to Israel to Australia.  The thesis is simple enough: Barack Obama needed substantial help to write his 1995 memoir, Dreams From My Father.  Moreover, unlike Sarah Palin, Obama chose to conceal the identity of his collaborator and not without good reason. To admit that he needed a collaborator would have undercut his campaign for president and to reveal the name of that collaborator would have ended it. My involvement in this occasionally harrowing literary adventure began in July 2008, entirely innocently.  A friend sent me some short excerpts from Dreams and asked if they were as radical as they sounded.   I bought the book, located the excerpts, and reported back that, in context, the excerpts were not particularly troubling.But I did notice something else. The book was much too well written. I had seen enough of Obama’s interviews to know that he did not speak with anywhere near the verbal sophistication on display in Dreams.About six weeks later, for entirely unrelated reasons, I picked up a copy of Bill Ayers 2001 memoir, Fugitive Days. Ayers, I discovered, writes very well and very much like “Obama.” In mid-September, after considerable digging, I wrote a few speculative articles for American Thinker and other online journals and discovered that I was not alone in my suspicions.Looking for some scientific verification, I consulted Patrick Juola of Duquesne, a leading authority in the field of literary forensics.  Juola, however, advised me against relying on computer analysis on a subject this sensitive. “The accuracy just isn’t there,” he told me. He encouraged me instead “to do what you’re already doing . . . good old-fashioned literary detective work.”  I took his advice.The first question I had to resolve was whether the 33 year-old Barack Obama was capable of writing what Time Magazine has called “the best-written memoir ever produced by an American politician.”  The answer is almost assuredly “no.”In his bestselling study of success, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell painstakingly lays out what he calls the “ten-thousand-hour rule.”  Gladwell quotes neurologist Daniel Levitin to the effect that “ten thousand hours of practice [in any subject] is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert” and cites example after example to make his case.Obama appears to have lopped about 9900 hours off that standard.  In Dreams, he speaks of writing only the occasional journal entry and some “very bad poetry.”  He does not sell himself short on the poetry. From his undergraduate poem, “Underground”:Under water grottos, cavernsFilled with apesThat eat figs.Stepping on the figsThat the apesEat, they crunch.The apes howl, bareTheir fangs, dance . . .If possible, Obama’s early prose showed less promise than his poetry.  Although the Obama camp has been notoriously shy about releasing proof of Obama’s assumed genius-SAT scores, LSAT scores, transcripts, theses-I was able to unearth three essays in print that predate Dreams.In March 1983, Obama wrote an 1800-word article, “Breaking the War Mentality,” for Columbia University’s weekly news magazine, Sundial.   Five years later, he wrote an essay titled “Why Organize,” which was reprinted in a 1990 book called After Alinsky: Community Organizing in Illinois. In the Sundial article there are an appalling five sentences in which the subject noun does not agree with the verb.  In some sentences, like the following, the punctuation and word selection are as random as the grammar: “The belief that moribund institutions, rather than individuals are at the root of the problem, keep SAM’s energies alive.”Although “Why Organize” seems to be better edited, in neither of these two clunky essays does Obama turn a single phrase that is clever, concise, or even vaguely memorable. In 1990, he wrote an unsigned student case comment for the Harvard Law Review.  The prose here, although reasonably well edited, is even more dull and leaden. It was not Obama’s style but his election as the first black president of the Harvard Law Review in 1990-more of a popularity than a literary contest-that netted him a roughly $125,000 advance for a proposed book.  According to a 2006 article by liberal publisher Peter Osnos, Simon & Schuster canceled the contract when Obama could not deliver, despite a sojourn to Bali to help him write.It was about this time that Bill Ayers entered the picture. “I met [Obama] sometime in the mid-1990s.” he would later tell Salon.  “And everyone who knew him thought that he was politically ambitious. For the first two years, I thought, his ambition is so huge that he wants to be mayor of Chicago.”Obama needed help, and Ayers had the means, the motive, and the ability to provide it.  Unlike Obama, he has a well-established paper trail.  He co-authored the 1974 tract,  “Prairie Fire: The Politics of Revolutionary Anti-Imperialism, in which book, by the way, he misspells Frantz Fanon’s first name as “Franz” just as Obama does in Dreams, and nearly twenty books thereafter as writer and editor. Ayers, we know, provided an informal editing service for like-minded friends in the neighborhood.  Aspiring radical Rashid Khalidi attests to this in the acknowledgements in his 2004 book, Resurrecting Empire. “Bill was particularly generous in letting me use his family’s dining room table to do some writing for the project.” Khalidi did not need the table.  He had one of his own.  He needed the help.  Having no political ambitions, Khalidi was willing to acknowledge it.Dreams  was published in June 1995. That same year, Ayers was busy fueling the ambitions of his young protégé, first with an appointment to the chair of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge grant and later with a fundraiser in his Chicago home.  Ayers admits that his “imagination ran out of steam.” He thought he was launching a mayor that he could exploit, even control, not a president, who would move quickly beyond his grasp.After Dreams was published in 1995, Obama’s typewriter fell silent once again.  He contributed not one signed word to any law journal or other publication of note until his unexceptional and conspicuously ghosted 2006 book, Audacity of Hope.  Obama was not a writer.  As his lame inaugural address proved, he still isn’t.It is possible that Obama actually met Ayers in New York in the early 1980s.  In his brief New York sojourn, he often seems to be channeling the thoughts and experiences of the world weary Ayers who lived in New York the same years as Obama. “Like a tourist, I watched the range of human possibility on display,” writes Obama in Dreams, “trying to trace out my future in the lives of the people I saw, looking for some opening through which I could re-enter.” Re-enter? This seems more the reflection of a soon to be ex-fugitive than that of a Columbia undergrad.  It is in New York too that Obama feels himself living “behind enemy lines,” the exact phrase that Ayers uses to describe his life in the underground.The opening scene of Dreams takes place in the early 1980s in and around Obama’s New York City apartment with its “slanting” floors.  As the scene unfolds, Obama is making breakfast “with coffee on the stove and two eggs in the skillet.”  In Fugitive Days, Ayers inhabits an apartment with “sloping floors.” He too cooks a lot — his books are rich with often sensual food imagery — and uses a “skillet,” a southern regionalism.Obama tells the reader that the buzzer downstairs did not work and that visitors had to call from a pay phone at the corner gas station.  There, “A black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”Fugitive Days opens at a pay phone.  (Unless specified otherwise, all Ayers’ references will be to Fugitive Days and Obama’s to Dreams). Ayers spent much of his underground years waiting at pay phones.   He writes about pay phones with the loving detail art critics reserve for Picassos.  The vivid image of the Doberman almost assuredly comes from his experience.  Obama had no reason to use that pay phone, if it even existed.Obama shared his apartment with a roommate, who would scream “with impressive rage” at “white people” whose dogs pooped on their sidewalks.  Adds Obama, “”We’d laugh at the faces of both master and beast, grim and unapologetic as they hunkered down to do the deed.”Both Ayers and Obama speak of “rage” the way that Eskimos do of snow — in so many varieties, so often, that they feel the need to qualify it, here as “impressive rage,” elsewhere in Dreams as “suppressed rage” or “coil of rage,” and in Fugitive Days as “justifiable rage,” “uncontrollable rage,” “blind rage,” “and, of course, “Days of Rage.”Another note of interest is that all of the distinctive words in the sentence above — “master,” “beast,” “grim,” “unapologetic,” and “deed,” as well as the phrase “hunkered down” — appear in Fugitive Days.In the opening pages, Obama makes an exception to his unlikely New York “solitude” for an elderly neighbor, a “stooped” gentleman who wore a “fedora.”  In Fugitive Days, it was Ayers’ grandfather who is “stooped” and a helpful stranger who wears a “fedora.” One day, Obama’s roommate finds his neighbor dead, “crumpled up on the third-floor landing, his eyes wide open, his limbs stiff and curled up like a baby’s.”  Ayers tells of watching his mother die, “eyes half open, curled up and panting.” In both cases, the eyes are “open” and the body is “curled up.”On the neighbor’s mantelpiece, Obama reports seeing “the faded portrait of a woman with heavy eyebrows and a gentle smile.”  There are seven references to “eyebrows” in Dreams — heavy ones, bushy ones, wispy ones, and six in Fugitive Days — bushy ones, flaring ones, arched ones, black ones.  Who writes about eyebrows?  In the lengthy excerpts that I have gathered from a half dozen other contemporary political memoirs — 150,000 words in all — there is no mention of “eyebrows” at all.  Nor is there anyone or anything “stooped,” “curled,” “crumpled,” “hunkered down,” or wearing a “fedora.”At the climax of the opening sequence, Obama receives a phone call.  It comes from an African aunt.  “Listen, Barry, your father is dead,” she tells him.  Obama has a hard time understanding. “Can you hear me?” she repeats. “I say, your father is dead.” The line is cut, and the conversation ends abruptly.The opening sequence of Fugitive Days climaxes in nearly identical fashion.  This phone call comes from Ayers’ future wife, Bernardine Dohrn. “Diana is dead,” says Dohrn of Ayers’ lover Diana Oughton, killed in a bomb blast.  Ayers has a hard time understanding. “Diana is dead,” she “repeats slowly.” Ayers drops the line, and the conversation ends abruptly. At the conclusion of Dreams’ opening scene, a stunned Obama “sat down on the couch, smelling eggs burn in the kitchen, staring at cracks in the plaster, trying to measure my loss.”  This passage features Obama’s signature rhetorical flourish, the triple parallel without a joining conjunction.  There are scores of such examples throughout Dreams, perhaps hundreds:”…the mixed blood, the divided soul, the ghostly image of the tragic mulatto trapped between two worlds.””Her face powdered, her hips girdled, her thinning hair bolstered, she would board the six-thirty bus to arrive at her downtown office before anyone else.””…his eyes were closed, his head leaning against the back of his chair, his big wrinkled face like a carving stone.”As it happens, Ayers’ signature rhetorical flourish, likely cribbed from Joseph Conrad, is the triple parallel without a joining conjunction. There are scores of such examples throughout Fugitive Days, perhaps hundreds:”He inhabited an anarchic solitude-disconnected, smart,obsessive.””We swarmed over and around that car, smashing windows, slashing tires, trashing lights and fenders-it seemed the only conceivable thing to do.””…trees are shattered, doors ripped from their hinges, shorelines rearranged.”More intriguing still, Obama seems to borrow the one girlfriend in the oddly sexless Dreams from Ayers’ experience. “There was a woman in New York that I loved,” he tells his half-sister years after the fact.  “She was white. She had dark hair, and specks of green in her eyes.” The woman of Obama’s memory evokes images of Diana Oughton.  As her FBI files attest, Oughton had brown hair and green eyes.  The two women shared similar family backgrounds as well.  In fact, they seemed to have grown up on the very same estate.”The house was very old, her grandfather’s house,” Obama writes of his girlfriend’s country home.  “He had inherited it from his grandfather.” According to a Time Magazine article written soon after her death, Oughton “brought Bill Ayers and other radicals” to the family homestead in Dwight, Illinois. The main house on the Oughton estate, a 20-room Victorian mansion, was built by Oughton’s father’s grandfather. The carriage house, in which Oughton lived as a child, now serves as a public library.  It may have already seemed like one when Ayers visited, an impression that finds its way into Obama’s memory of a library “filled with old books and pictures of the famous people [the grandfather] had known-presidents, diplomats, industrialists.””It was autumn, beautiful, with woods all around us,” Obama writes of his visit to his girlfriend’s country home, “and we paddled a canoe across this round, icy lake full of small gold leaves that collected along the shore.”  As can be seen from aerial photos even today, the Oughton estate also has a small lake and is surrounded by woods.Curiously, Obama tells the story of this past love while cutting “two green peppers.” In his 1997 book, A Kind And Just Parent, Ayers specifically links “green peppers” with “saltpeter” and other substances that scare young men with the threat of impotence.  Go figure.Ayers lived a considerably more adventurous life than Obama, beginning with his youthful days as a merchant seaman in the North Atlantic.  “I realized that no one else could ever know this singular experience,” Ayers writes.  Yet much of the nautical language that flows through Fugitive Days flows through Obama’s earth-bound memoir.Although there are only the briefest of literal sea experiences in Dreams, the following words appear in both Dreams and in Ayers’ work: fog, mist, ships, seas, boats, oceans, calms, captains, charts, first mates, storms, streams, wind, waves, anchors, barges, horizons, ports, panoramas, moorings, tides, currents, and things howling, fluttering, knotted, ragged, tangled, and murky. My own memoir on race, Sucker Punch, offers a useful control.  It makes no reference at all, metaphorical or otherwise, to any of the above words save “current” and “tides.” Yet I have spent a good chunk of every summer of my life at the ocean and many a day on a boat.Ayers equates the flow of water with that of language.  “The debates swam above and around and through us,” he writes.  “The confrontation in the [Student Union] flowed like a swollen river in to the teach-in, carrying me along the cascading waters from room to room, hall to hall, bouncing off boulders.”In Dreams, Obama makes the very same equation. “I heard all our voices begin to run together, the sound of three generations tumbling over each other like the currents of a slow-moving stream,” he writes, “my questions like rocks roiling the water, the breaks in memory separating the currents, but always the voices returning to that single course, a single story.”For the one and only time in his career, Obama writes in the language of postmodernism, a language the academic Ayers has mastered.  Ayers describes Fugitive Days as “a memory book,” one that deliberately blurs facts and changes identities and makes no claims at history. In Dreams, Obama admits, some characters are composites. Some appear out of precise chronology. Names have been changed.  Ayers seems consumed with lies, lying and what he calls “our constructed reality.”  The Obama of Dreams says much the same and in much the same language. “But another part of me knew that what I was telling them was a lie,” he writes, “something I’d constructed from the scraps of information I’d picked up from my mother.”  That they both speak of “narratives,” “traps,” “contradictions,” “intimacies,” and “journeys” is not exceptional.  That is standard postmodern patois.  What is exceptional is their shared use of advanced postmodern slang — the “fictions” into which they and others force their lives, the “grooves” into which they have fallen, the “poses” they assume, and even the “stitched together” nature of the lives they or their relatives lead.  More convincing still are those complex tropes in Dreams that appear, only slightly altered, in Ayers’ books.  In his 1993 book, To Teach, Ayers writes, “Education is for self-activating explorers of life, for those who would challenge fate, for doers and activists, for citizens.” “Training,” on the other hand, “is for slaves, for loyal subjects, for tractable employees, for willing consumers, for obedient soldiers.”In Dreams, these thoughts find colloquial expression in the person of “Frank,” the real life poet, pornographer and Stalinist, Frank Marshall Davis. “Understand something, boy,” Frank tells the college-bound Obama. “You’re not going to college to get educated. You’re going there to get trained.”  Both authors make the point that “training” strips the individual of his racial identity.In To Teach, Ayers recounts the story of an ambitious teacher who takes her students out to the streets of New York to learn about its culture and history. These students ask to see the nearby Hudson River. When they get to the river’s edge, one student says, ” Look, the river is flowing up.” A second student says, “No, it has to flow south-down.”  Upon further research, the teacher discovers “that the Hudson River is a tidal river, that it flows both north and south, and they had visited the exact spot where the tide stops its northward push.”  In Dreams, written two years later, Obama takes an unlikely detour to the exact spot on the parallel East River where the north-flowing tide meets the south-flowing river. There, improbably, a young black boy approaches this strange man and asks, “You know why sometimes the river runs that way and then sometimes it goes this way?”  Obama tells the boy it “had to do with the tides.” For the literary left, the fact that Ayers helped Obama would be a less troubling revelation than that Obama needed help at all.  They have built a foundational myth around his genius, a genius that can be located only in Dreams.  The dark side of the Democrat genius mythology, of course, is the Republican dunce mythology of which Sarah Palin and George Bush are the most recent victims.There is thus a logic to the left’s willful blindness.  Why the literary right has accepted this charade continues to baffle me

 
 

I dunno if krassen’s link is Peak Wingnut, or Just About Peak Geezis Nut, but:

The first is the most important: It is that marriage is concerned above all with female sexuality. The very existence of kinship depends on the protection of females from rape, degradation, and concubinage. This is why marriage between men and women has been necessary in virtually every society ever known. Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood–and sexual accessibility–is defined.

Already mostly quoted, but get that “female sexuality” is nothing but “sexual access to the woman” (Chattel?) in question.

Nor has marriage historically concerned itself with compelling the particular male and female who have created a child to live together and care for that child.

But, no, wait, that’s not what Maggie Gallagher or someone says. A lot.

But the duty of virginity can seem like a privilege, even a luxury, if you contrast it with the fate of child-prostitutes in brothels around the world.

There are your choices, bitches!! Hubby’s property or the madam’s property. Make the correct one, ’cause you’re going to hell if you don’t!!
(And “child-prostitutes?” They’re old enough to marry, but were they to be in the sex biz, they’d be “child-prostitutes?”)

Whole thing is worth a read. The “serious, rational,intellectual” defense of tradition, etc., reduces to: Keep the proles down!!

(Not dissimilar to Sanctum Sanctorum’s little “patrimony” rant on FOX a few days back.)

More, more, more of this from the Party Of Ideas, please!!

 
 

Who Wrote ” Dreams” and Why it Matters said

Yeah right. Palin is working on a scholarly tome and the editor of the Harvard law review couldn’t write a book at the age of 33 and has to use a teleprompter because he’s he’s not very bright. Keep trying to sell that, it’s working real good for you guys. Also more Ayn Rand.

 
 

Why the literary right has accepted this charade continues to baffle me

Why losers continue to paste wallpaper (Like Hitler, get it!!) that ends w/ a line like the above (no period) baffles me.

Also baffling: “Literary right?” Tom Clancy? Michael Crichton?

 
 

Why the literary right has accepted this charade continues to baffle me

They’re still trying to guess the first word (four letters, sounds like ‘duck’).

 
 

Can’t help myself:

All agree that any and all opposition to gay marriage is explained either by biblical literalism or anti-homosexual bigotry. This consensus is brilliantly constructed to be so unflattering to those of us who will vote against gay marriage–if we are allowed to do so–

If you aren’t allowed to vote against it, it’s for the same reason you can’t vote against the First or Second Amendment. Voting against SSM is unconstitutional.

And, the evidence that Sam Shulman, at least, is certainly no bigot:

Less than 50 years ago same-sex sexual intercourse was criminal. Now we are arguing about the term used to describe a committed relationship. Is the right to marry merely lagging behind the pace with which gays have attained the right to hold jobs–even as teachers and members of the clergy; to become elected officials, secret agents, and adoptive parents; and to live together in public, long-term relationships?

Sweet Blood of Jesus, they have attained the right to hold jobs!! What more do they want? When will it stop?

Big ups to Google Ads: The banner ad on p. 1 leads to: Gay Latino Dating! Maybe if gay marriage typing leads to more of that, they’ll shut up about it to keep such ads off their sites.

 
 

And, also. Not exactly PENIS, but close.

 
 

OH DEAR GOD NOT UNFLATTERING!!! Holy crap, anti-homo-bigots, sack the fuck up.

 
 

Shorter Sam Schulman…
I don’t oppose gay marriage because I’m an anti-homo bigot or because I’m a religious nut.

Instead, I oppose gay marriage because I’ve concocted a bunch of reactionary pseudo-sociological crackpot drivel, which makes me much more intelligent than the other guys.

 
 

“Nobody is going to listen to your shitty spam music.”

I’m assuming “nobody” means you, so you’ve just contradicted yourself. How would you know it’s “shitty” if you hadn’t heard it?

 
 

How would you know it’s “shitty” if you hadn’t heard it?

When you consider the fact that it’s performed by a shithead, it seems like a reasonable assumption.

 
 

Just one more gem (Honest, I can quit any time. Next wk., maybe, yeah … It’s just that virtually every paragraph has an idiotic assumption, or contradiction, or plain crap. A motherlode. Someone w/ patience & an attention span needs to sink their teeth & claws into this weakened calf that’s separated from the herd.):

Few men would ever bother to enter into a romantic heterosexual marriage–much less three, as I have done–were it not for the iron grip of necessity that falls upon us when we are unwise enough to fall in love with a woman other than our mom.

Three, he says. The iron grip of necessity is the mom of invention.

And “mom?” We’re typing a big ol’ pseudo-anthropological, serious, adult, American Spectator, “intellectual” thingie here, Sam, you think you could bring this above the level of primary school refrigerator art?

Sam Schulman, a writer in Virginia, was publishing director of the American and publisher of ?Wigwag.

Has-been or almost-was?

 
 

One of my favorite parts is…

…gays have attained the right to hold jobs–even as… secret agents…

Yikes! Covert homos!

 
 

Sam Schulman, a writer in Virginia, was publishing director of the American and publisher of Wigwag.

Wigwag? Really?

The natural side-effect of all that teabagging, I guess.

 
 

Ooops, Ich bin Moroner, that should be “The Weekly Standard” up there, not “American Spectator.”

Credit where credit is so richly deserved.

 
 

(four letters, sounds like ‘duck’).

Uhh…maybe you could act it out.

 
 

Few men would ever bother to enter into a romantic heterosexual marriage–much less three, as I have done–were it not for the iron grip of necessity that falls upon us when we are unwise enough to fall in love with a woman other than our mom.

That is HOT.

Seriously, WTF? Gay people can wait until marriage, can stay faithful in marriage, can join families, have natural children, all of the crap he claims they can’t, but frankly his little notions on marriage have nothing to do with whether gay folks should receive the same treatment by and benefits from the government. Hell, they don’t even cover his own experience: does he retain blended family “kinship relationships” with the families of his exes? If they remarry, how did marrying him protect their virginity? Why is it OK to divorce three women in sequence because you no longer felt the “iron grip of necessity” but not OK to have sex outside of traditional hetero marriage? Did he make sure not to marry anyone menopausal so that his “lovemaking” could continue to be “open to life?” Sheesh.

 
 

Boy. Who would Jesus waterboard, terrorists able to threaten God, Dick Cheney disses Colin friggin’ Powell for a drug-addicted, lying hate monger and the Weekly Standard thinks marriage is about one controlling one woman’s vagina. I spent the weekend in New Orleans, and nothing I saw combined was as crazy as what the GOP has pulled in just the past 12-18 hours. Holy cow.

 
 

Who Wrote ” Dreams” and Why it Matters said,

I appreciate the fact that this troll spammed his spam so that it was not separated by breaks, making it ever so easy to scroll past.

One would think that if someone posted something he wanted people to read he would make it actually inviting and easy to read. Don’t you think?

So on the basis of this troll’s spamming, I can only conclude that the trolls really don’t want people to read their shit. What is it? Are they invested in companies that make the little Wheelie thingee switch on my mouse to scroll past their shit? is that why they post their crap, so I’ll wear out my mouse?

 
 

And BTW – like the first thing a 60ish academic involved in local education issues would want to do is ghost-write a memoir by a local pol.

I mean, WTF??? Ayers is a member of a university faculty. These guys have to have a publication record to maintain tenure. Why the fuck would he waste his time writing something he can’t publish under his own name and add to his CV? Who’s got the time to do that?

 
President & CEO of Logitech, Inc.
 

Are they invested in companies that make the little Wheelie thingee switch on my mouse to scroll past their shit? is that why they post their crap, so I’ll wear out my mouse?

We don’t need troll charity, thankyouverymuch.

 
 

“This most profound aspect of marriage–protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex–is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage. Virginity until marriage, arranged marriages, the special status of the sexuality of one partner but not the other (and her protection from the other sex)–these motivating forces for marriage do not apply to same-sex lovers. ”

Was there ever a more cogent argument for going gay (if only that were possible)?

 
 

I just lit off a nuclear weapon.

Thanks for electing a spineless apeaser, America. So much for your new President’s “soft power”.

 
St. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Thanks for electing a spineless apeaser, America.

We’ve elected a new one since him. You know, him, who just sat there and called you part of the Axis of Evil and letting you develop teh bomb instead of like doing anything constructive because stupid = manly.

Pie.

 
 

I just lit off a nuclear weapon.

Fapfapfapfapfapfap.

 
 

What is Hopey going to do if I go nuts and drop the big one one Seoul? Give a speech?

 
 

Why is it OK to divorce three women in sequence because you no longer felt the “iron grip of necessity” but not OK to have sex outside of traditional hetero marriage?

I suspect that the self-reflective contradiction-spotting component of Schulman’s brain was bricked up long ago, like Fortunato, within some unfrequented corner of his frontal lobe.
Still, this argument that “Societies acquire the institution of marriage to protect women from exploitation* by men like me”… give the man some credit for candour.

* Or at least to re-direct the “rape, degradation, and concubinage” along socially-approved channels.

 
 

Oh! I know!

The American left wing would say me nuking Seoul is the result of capitalist American Imperialism, then apologize.

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

I’ll have the three-patty bacon burger, cheese fries and the 64-ounce chocolate milkshake, thank you very much.

Obama’s victory has put these fuckknuckles into disarray I hadn’t even dreamed of seeing – now, to spite us libruls, they’ll be running up their electric bills, inhaling poison fumes, and eating life-shortening junk. Plus lining up to volunteer for torture to establish their manly-man cred.

IT IS TO FUNNY FOREVER!

 
 

Why is it OK to divorce three women in sequence because you no longer felt the “iron grip of necessity” but not OK to have sex outside of traditional hetero marriage?

Hey! He saved those three women from rape, degradation and–what was the other one again?

Damn. Ain’t patriarchy and hypocrisy a grand combination?

 
 

“This most profound aspect of marriage–protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex–is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage. Virginity until marriage, arranged marriages, the special status of the sexuality of one partner but not the other (and her protection from the other sex)–these motivating forces for marriage do not apply to same-sex lovers. ”

So let’s assume that the whole point of marriage is to protect weak, vulnerable women from being forced into prostitution. Let’s assume, as shallow and degrading as it is, that our only reason for caring is that women are needed as baby factories, and whores make terrible mothers. That’s what he is saying, right?

Well, gay and trans youth could use a little protection too. Thousands still end up on the streets every year, and many are forced into prostitution. Now I’m not saying that LGBT people need the government’s stamp of approval to build healthy relationships, because we’ve managed without it for awhile now.

BUT imagine a world where those kids knew that they had the possibility of building a legally secure family, without the risk of being ripped apart by immigration agents, hospital nurses, and bigoted employers? What if they knew that they could have the opportunity to give their children the chances that they never had, and that nobody would be able to take their children away from them? Wouldn’t that make some difference?

His concern for the “weaker sex” is cute and all, but while he is feeling paternal he might give a thought to some of the other victims of sexual coercion.

 
 

Apparently “cramming it down our throats” is passé. PZ Myers reports that atheism “is why our society is sliding down the long, greasy pole”.

 
 

Since I am still the President, if Kim Jong Il drops the big one on Seoul I will waterboard a bunch of Muslims. That will fix the problem.

I kept you safe for eight seven years, so don’t argue with me.

 
Nuclear Carnage
 

I’m nit funny, and not something to masturbate to.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Hey, Kim: was this test a miserable, abject failure like your first one? That didn’t stop the pants-pissing right from screaming that a liquid-fueled missile that takes four days to prepare in plain sight, and might be able to deliver your 100-tonne fail-o-nuke to parts of the Aleutians was the GREATEST THREAT EVAR!!!!!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Or was this test a fake, like the first one probably was? The professional fear-mongers would never allow anybody to draw the obvious conclusion, of course.

 
New Nuclear Test
 

I was a success and created a huge earthquake.

 
New Nuclear Test
 

In fact I was a one megaton blast, many times larger thab Hiroshima.

The heat generated from a 1 MT nuke is so strong it turns a persons eyeballs into melted liquid thirty miles out.

 
 

The heat generated from a 1 MT nuke is so strong it turns a persons eyeballs into melted liquid thirty miles out.

Mmmmm…yeah…. what are you wearing right now? Can you… can you spank your naughty widdle boy?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

“In fact I was a one megaton blast, many times larger thab Hiroshima.”

Jeebus McCree, what a lie! Is this going to be the new wingnut poutrage tomorrow? That North Korea tested a 1 MT device instead of another 100-tonne dud, or fake? Truthie, do you have any conception of the difference between a primitive nuke and a two-stage fusion weapon? I thought not.

 
 

What is “thab”? Does not compute.

 
 

I just lit off a nuclear weapon.
I recommend that you replace your trigger mechanism with something more sophisticated than blue touch-paper.

 
 

… it turns a persons eyeballs into melted liquid thirty miles out.

And don’t forget the terrifying effect it has on wingnuts’ bladder control even thousands of miles away.

 
Carl Gustav Jung Il
 

Ze fuse on my nuclear device is burning low, und all zat fissile uranium vill go to vaste! Unless ve coerce confessions from a randomly-selected group of a given ethnicity!

 
 

WWDD? Dick would, I imagine, ignore the following memos:

North Korea Acquires Missile That Can Reach United States
North Korea to Shoot Missile at United States
North Korea Has Shot Missile at United States
North Korean Missile Exploding in United States Now
Holy Shit Manhattan Is a Giant Fucking Mushroom Cloud

and then immediately Spring! Into Action! by creating a new Department of Figuring Out How To Blame This On a Country that Has Oil. And then he would round up Margaret Cho and Harold from Harold and Kumar.

 
Lame-ass Troll
 

All you libs are a bunch of poopyheads! And socialists! And your president is a socialist! And a poopyhead!

Aww, mom, can’t I stay up another hour?

 
 

We need to invade that Seoul place before they drop a bomb there, quickly.
Fight them over there so that we don’t fight them over here… with the army we wish we had… or something….

 
Releasing an Eldritch Horror from the Deep...
 

I was a success and created a huge earthquake.

 
 

If Obama had committed to maintaining a torture regime from the get-go, N. Korea would have given up the Bomb. Iran, too. In fact, all threats against the US would have magically disappeared.

Bring Torture Back.

Before it’s too late.

 
 

In fact I was a one megaton blast, many times larger thab Hiroshima.

Except, well, no.

The new test registered as a 4.7. The last test registered as a 3.6. As the Richter Scale is a log scale, that puts the new test at about ten times as strong as the last, or around one or two kilotons.

Dipshit.

Also, the very idea that NK could build a megaton bomb is absurd. They are still figuring out how to put together fission bombs. I don’t know off the top of my head what the largest yield of a strictly fission device was, but it was a long way from megaton-land. Megaton yields are the province of thermonuclear devices.

Go piss your pants elsewhere.

 
 

I’d just like to point out that the previous “administration” had eight years to solve the North Korea problem. They made Great Progress but now the N. Koreans have developed, built and tested a nuclear device in just the last hundred-and-fifty days or so.

If Obama wasn’t such a socialistist, those Koreans would still be banging rocks together to make loud noises.

 
 

OneMan,

Get with the timeline there, buddy.

9/11=Clinton’s fault, regardless of the intelligence community repeatedly warning the White House about the possibility for the whole eight months prior.

NK bomb test=Obama’s fault, regardless of the last eight years of posturing and ignoring the threat rather than dealing with it in any meaningful way.

NK bomb test, ca. ’06=Clinton’s fault, because SHUT UP, that’s why.

 
 

Oh, and only Cheney can save us now, what with that giant, North Korean asteroid poised to attack.

 
 

Kim Jung-Il waited until I happened and then claimed to have successfully tested a nuclear device.

 
 

No wonder my assterrhoids are playing up.

 
 

Sadly, Minor, there seems little chance of any natural seismic activity in the purported test area. Likely part of the crazy midget’s reason for choosing it. The depth of 0 is another factor indicating boom rather than shake.

To amend my earlier comment, after a bit of looking into it, the ’06 test was eventually thought to be a 4.2, equating to about 800 tons. 3.6 apparently would indicate 100 tons. There’s some sort of double log going on here relating tons to shake scale, so I’m upping my over/under on this one to about six kT if it winds up clocking in at 4.7.

Also, biggest fission-only boom was the Brits at 700kT. They were trying to bluff an H bomb because they couldn’t quite get one to work at first. Our Mk 18 had a half meg yield as well, though it was highly unsafe due to having so much fissile material in it. So yeah, I suppose you can approach a megaton using fission only, if you have a mature and well funded program that has been testing for a decade or so. It would still show up huge on the seismographs.

Do these clowns (trolly-pants, not Minor) follow each other around grabassing to figure out who has the dampest trousers and then just parrot whatever the wettest one has been spouting?

 
 

Smut, are you having a terrorrhist attack?

 
 

A megaton-class fusion weapon is a huge technological step beyond a fission bomb. You have to inject Tritium into the pit (the middle of the hollow plutonium sphere) at exactly the right time for it to work.

Some of our weapons like the B83 could be “dialed down” so that just the fission trigger would detonate so it could be used as a “tactical” weapon.

 
 

You have to inject Tritium into the pit (the middle of the hollow plutonium sphere) at exactly the right time for it to work.

Thanks, I knew I was forgetting something.

 
 

I just lit off one of my farts.

That’s why I was at the proctologist’s with severe anal damage. And you can’t prove otherwise.

 
 

Kim Jung-Il said,

May 25, 2009 at 5:19

What is Hopey going to do if I go nuts and drop the big one one Seoul? Give a speech?

I would suggest reading “My Pet Goat” on such an occasion. Then attack North Viet Nam.

 
 

“When you consider the fact that it’s performed by a shithead, it seems like a reasonable assumption.”

In my line of work, this would be the a classic, textbook example of projection.

 
 

Oh, that guy PZ linked is murder. “The bell tolls for we?” If there were a God, he’d strike that guy dead for shoving his craptacular grammar down our throats.

 
 

In my line of work, this would be the a classic, textbook example of projection.

You make a living doing a bad impersonation of a psychologist?

Does it pay well?

 
 

BLT does a bad impersonation of a psychologist AND a bad impersonation of a musician: Das Gewerk der Fugue, or Counterpointlessness.

 
 

condecension

Fuck the motherfucker misspelled motherfuckin conde-motherfuckerin-scension, what a FUCK!!!

 
 

You make a living doing a bad impersonation of a psychologist?

Gonna steal a comment from RB’s blog from someone with a Doktorate:

I keep telling myself that the proportion of psychologists with raving lunacy and dead rotting souls is probably no higher than the proportion in other professions; and that there’s nothing about psychology that attracts authoritarians like blowflies to roadkill, or encourages them to express their incipient craziness in the florid form (because they think their training means everything they do must be sane).

Can’t quite convince myself, though.

 
 

I walk the fine line between psychologist and singer/songwriter. It’s always easy to pull off. Folks automatically write me off as a legit shrink simply because I’m writing and recording songs all the time. Other folks automatically write me off as a legit singer/songwriter when they learn that I’m a shrink. The fact is, the two streams actually flow together quite well.

For example where in any Diagnostic and Statistical Manual can you find a diagnosis that describes alcoholism quite the way as Brad Paisley does in his song, Alcohol, or the way I do in this original song of mine?:

The Bottle’s Gettin’ Bigger
Dr BLT
words and music by Dr BLT © 2009
http://www.drblt.net/music/bottle_demom.mp3

BTW, you’re all welcome to visit and make comments at my new blog site:

Psychology Come Alive
http://www.psychologycomesalive.com

I don’t fault any of you for your criticisms. They don’t appear accurate to me, but they’re not mean and vicious either.

 
 

i’m outta here!

 
 

(comments are closed)