Hello? Everyone knows it’s all about the gay creches this year…
Conservative humor site Six Meat Buffet offers holiday gift ideas for liberals.
Whether your ?progressive? friend or family member has a crippling case of alcoholism or simply can?t swim – have no fear! With this bathtub playset, the odds of them suffering an alcohol-related drowning fatality are slim-to-none. But don?t count on ol? Teddy to save you if you get into to trouble! He?s busy doing the peoples? business in the nation?s capital! Go get ?em, Teddy!
Ooh, the burn.
Say, that reminds us.
Item 630-41-319 ‘Holiday Yule Log’
Ho-ho-ho! Yule be the one laughing when you spark up a cheery blaze with one of our logs of bundled Conservative Book Club overstock. Yes, Mellon-Scaife and other wingnut billionaires* buy up mass copies of gaping howlers like Malkin’s ‘Unhinged’ and John O’Neill’s ‘Unfit For Command’ to make them seem popular and mainstream (also note the telltale † in the NYT bestseller list to mark sneaky bulk orders from retail stores). And the billions they spend comes out to mere pennies-per-dollar on the other end — all to help subsidize the right-wing propaganda machine your Holiday heating bill!
All Holiday Yule Logs are guaranteed unread, and come attractively bundled and scented with a sticky aromatic pine resin.**
Also available (see inset): Item 630-41-322 — ‘Holiday Bible Yule Log.’
*As Neil Diamond sings, “Sun Myung Moon/ Everybody knows one…”
**Or specify cat urine.
What is extra romantic is when you and your life partner rip off one sheet at a time. Of course when you get extra frisky and accidentally do it on your John Hinderaker Brand? polar bear throw rug in front of the fire, be careful that the dust jacket from Porn Generation doesn’t get caught under you thrusting bodies. I kind of picture horrified Ben to be able to see out of the Author’s Picture on the back. I would want him put into that stress position.
God damn, I love the phone on the mantle.
Also, if I may while I’m here, not that I’m equating the two incidents, but how would Six Dicks Meat Buffet feel if some ‘bagwipe came out with the Laura Bush Teen Driver playset? I personally would prefer a White House themed Mirror/Razor Blade set, strippers ass/benjamin not included.
Did you catch the Yosef stocking, hung with care?
Laura Bush Teen Driver playset
Oh no.
I can’t steal this; it rightly belongs to you.
Oh golly…
The Monkey Business playset, complete with “Cheap Floozy Barbie” and moralizing douchebag whoremonger Gar- Ken, *cough* yes, that’s right, Ken?
The Duke Cunningham prison set. He cries real crocodile tears (Harvested from real Crocs in Australia! Replacement tear pouches sold seperately) and comes with orange jumpsuit and restraints.
Perhaps we can interest you in “Thailand Neil” Bush dolls- his life-like herpes sores ooze, just like real! Comes with Bangkok business attire and bottle of wine with a snake in it. Buy the deluxe “divorce kit” and have a good time arguing with “Pissed-off Ex” Barbie about exactly how much “Thailand Neil” fucked around!
Or perhaps they’d prefer the “Tricky Dick” brand phone tap. Fun for the whole family when you learn the often embarressing contents of one’s personal phonecalls. Great for the on-the-go teen’s cell phone!
G, it’s yours, I have Geenie Cola to think of, her world view would be shattered. “comes with chatty girlfriend and hard to miss stop sign!” Only if you think it is a teaching moment for 6 Meat. Those guys get 3000 hits a day for their cobaggery. “Hey look Bill Clinton is teabagging Monica!” “Uh, 6 meat, that’s just you guys wearing Bill and Monica masks”
Is that little Yosef’s stocking behind the inset picture of books? I’m glad you are using his Christian name, he has been only responding to THYCWOTI lately. And you have to say it in that backup singer chant/whisper like your talking abotu Shaft or some such bad motherf******
What? Where’s the “Dr.” Frist Medical Diagnosis/Vivisection Kit? I know all my friends and family (especially the cat lovers) are gonna want one!
The Tricky Dick Playset comes with Ratfucker Liddy and black bag, right? (Containing a tiny rat, a tiny candle, and a tiny roll of duct tape.)
Can we also get Total Recall Reagan and his sidekick Out Of The Loop George? Contra Ollie sold seperately with cake and bible, some assembly required.
How ?bout the George H. W. Bush / Jennifer Fitzgerald combination Dream House and Love Nest? Your children will have endless hours of Traditional Family Fun playing with these strikingly realist replicas of our 41st President and his mistress.
“What? Where’s the “Dr.” Frist Medical Diagnosis/Vivisection Kit? I know all my friends and family (especially the cat lovers) are gonna want one!”
celticgirl, tune in on Monday. That is day 2. You’re ahead of us…
Obviously, we sit on the opposite sides of the political fence. But that fireplace is classic.
Shouldn’t it be the Dr. Frist Remote Diagnosis Video Series?
Y’all, please ask the Six Meat Buffet site about the availability of those much more recent toys. I’m really interested.
It’s worth noting an exception to this — as with any other noxious waste effluent, all Bill O’Really titles should be properly disposed of according to approved materials handling procedures.
Dan Someone: Of course, you’re right. The Vivisection Kit is a bonus!
Yead, ridiculing Kennedy sure makes us massachusetts liberals LESS likely to vote for him…
ayuh.
You in the market for a bridge?
…and thanks Sadly Claus for my Blue-State Holiday(TM) Bluestocking – I LOVE it!
Oh Cranky.
I just love the idea of using the Christmas season as an opportunity to send your friends presents that smear their beliefs. Because, you know, it’s the season of giving.
I just love the idea of using the Christmas season as an opportunity to send your friends presents that smear their beliefs.
Hey, now. I’m sending my brother’s six year old daughter a copy of Stellaluna because he thinks bats are creepy and I want her to learn otherwise. She’s getting a copy of The Lorax in the spring because he’s loud on the subject of treehuggers, too.
On the other hand, I don’t really like him that much, but I do kind of like her, or at least think I might once she grows up, assuming she doesn’t absorb her entire personality from him.
Besides, bats and trees are cool, and based on how last year’s presents went over, you’re never too young to learn to like snakes and vampire squids, even if your parents say “Gross!”
Possibly especially if your parents say “Gross!”
Hmm, it’s like they were fired by Mad for being too behind-the-times in 1973, and haven’t changed.
But I can’t wait until the next day, when they really sock it to Adlai Stevenson!
Okay seriously…if you’re younger then 30, do you even know what Chappaquiddick is?
Alexander – Well I am, and I do. But I’m pretty sure that’s only becuause people like Anne Coulter and Michelle Malkin bring it up whenever someone talks about kennedy, y’know to avoid a real debate about something…
Anyway, what about the full scene, Polish basement, rendering fun for the whole family. Comes with realistic fake menstrual blood, chains, whips, electrodes, bamboo shoots, everything you need to teach that naughty terrorist the true meaning of “freedom”!
Dick Cheney dominatrix figure sold seperatley.
I know you liberals have trouble getting into the Christmas spirit and into the patriotic spirit, so here’s my gift to you. I know it’s not as funny as those other gifts you linked me too, but you folks always manage to find something humorous in my songs. This one’s for all fans of my songs, but haters of my voice. The melody is traditional, the new lyrics are by yours truly, and it’s performed by Dr. BLT cover artist, Monique, lead singer of the band, All About Me.
What Land Is This?What Land is This?
Performed by Monique
New words to “What Child is This” by Dr. BLT ?2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/whatLand.mp3
Holy fuck, conservatives need some new material. Chappaquiddick? I guess they were all out of “sock it to me” Laugh-In jokes.
I would think that a group that can keep a straight face about supporting torture would have a wicked sense of humor. Sadly, the Internets keep proving otherwise.
Shall I be a Grinch and point out the fire danger from putting that much paper ash up your chimney (I’m NOT speaking figuratively, dammit! Get your head out of the gutter!)? Paper, when burned, coats the flue with creosote (to a much higher degree than does good firewood). Creosote buildup is bad, and can cause fires, fires hot enough to burn through the flue and ignite parts of the house above the fireplace. Not good.
If you decide to burn these books for heat, count on having a chimney-sweep clean your flue at least twice a season (instead of once every other season or so with wood fires).
Besides, aren’t some of these items subject to hazardous-waste-removal laws and regulations? I know many landfills that would reject them out of hand.
Ed
strikeout
big
small
blah
1968
“Defense Department, and Defense Department intelligence agencies. It summarized the bureau’s Communist party charges against King and went much further. According to – Assistant Attorney General Burke Marshall, it was a personal diatribe . . . a personal attack without evidentiary support on the character, the moral character and person of Dr. Martin Luther King, and it was only peripherally related to anything substantive, like whether or not there was Communist infiltration or influence on the civil rights movement…. It was a personal attack on the man and went far afield from the charges [of possible Communist influence].”by Morton Halperin, Jerry Berman, Robert Borosage, Christine Marwick
“Martin Luther King was never himself a Communist?far from it. But the FBI’s wiretapping of King was precipitated by his association with Stanley Levison, a man with reported ties to the Communist Party. Newly available documents reveal what the FBI actually knew?the vast extent of Levinson’s Party activities
On October 10, 1963, U.S. Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy committed what is widely viewed as one of the most ignominious acts in modern American history: he authorized the Federal Bureau of Investigation to begin wiretapping the telephones of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. Kennedy believed that one of King’s closest advisers was a top-level member of the American Communist Party, and that King had repeatedly misled Administration officials about his ongoing close ties with the man. Kennedy acted reluctantly, and his order remained secret until May of 1968, just a few weeks after King’s assassination and a few days before Kennedy’s own. But the FBI onslaught against King that followed Kennedy’s authorization remains notorious, and the stains on the reputations of everyone involved are indelible.” by David J. Garrow
2005
“President Bush has personally authorized a secretive eavesdropping program in the United States more than three dozen times since October 2001, a senior intelligence official said Friday night. ” The disclosure follows angry demands by lawmakers earlier in the day for congressional inquiries into whether the monitoring by the highly secretive National Security Agency violated civil liberties.
“There is no doubt that this is inappropriate,” declared Republican Sen. Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee. He promised hearings early next year.”
Friday, December 16, 2005 Associated Press
The left gets up everyday to re write history. I’m feed up with it! You are endangering American lives.
Marie Jon’
http://www.MarieJon.com
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2005/12/20051217.v.html
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