Today’s War on Christmas Column
Today’s War on Christmas op-ed comes courtesy of Jason Carlson, a Christian Worldview Network columnist who is also “the Vice President of Christian Ministries International, an organization which trains and equips the local church to deal with the challenges of the cults, world religions, and Christian apologetic issues.”
In other words, this is gonna be extra, extra wingnutty. Let’s take a look:
Why the World Rejects ?Christmas?
By Jason CarlsonThe Holiday season is in full swing.
Oh my God! He said “Holiday season,” without adding the obligatory scare quotes! What a secularist fag!
Thanksgiving is recently behind us and Christmas is just around the corner. The malls are full, the ovens are baking, and the trees are being lit. And yes, once again, amidst all of the holiday cheer, the Secularists of our world are desperately trying to distract us from the true meaning behind all of the merriment… ?Merry Christmas? has given way to ?Happy Holidays?; Christmas trees are now being sold under the label of ?Holiday? trees; Santa is sitting in the manger and Rudolph?s nose has replaced the Star of Bethlehem.
Yeah, fuck Rudolph. Y’know why I hate that story? Because its underlying message is that we shouldn’t hate people who look different than we do. I say, screw that shit. ‘Cause you just know that if we let Rudolph play in the reindeer games, then we’ll have to allow the gays to get married, which will inevitably lead to the legalization of cannibalism.
The best way to handle such renegade reindeer would be to lop off their noses, pike them on top of toothpicks, and display them all around the gates of Santa’s village. This will send a stern warning to other reindeer not to let their genes mutate. At least, that’s how we used to handle it back in the good old days, before the pansies at P.E.T.A. said that ritualistically maiming animals wasn’t “politically correct” anymore.
Christmas is no more, but don?t fret, ?Happy Holidays? are here! ?Santa Claus is coming to town!?
And it just figures that Benny Goodman was the first guy to record one of the all-time worst anti-Jesus songs ever written ever. You know how “those people” are- I hear they don’t even celebrate Christmas!
Yes friends, Christmas is under its annual attack from the Secularists…
Damn straight!!!
“BURN, YOU CONIFEROUS SON OF BITCH!!! BUUUUUUUURN!!!!”
Why? Because ?Christmas? is about Christ; and that?s just too religious for a scientifically enlightened, postmodern, pluralistic, multi-culturally sensitive culture. Don?t bother us with religious meanings and all of that stuff about Jesus? birth, shepherds, and wise men; it?s the ?Happy Holidays? season and we?ve got presents to shop for!
No, the world is not interested in the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.[i]
And since the majority of the world isn’t Christian, I’m not sure why they should be.
And the Secularists are doing everything they can to erase the entire Christian basis for this holiday season. However, no matter how much they try to deny it, ?Jesus is the reason for the season.?
The reason we celebrate Christmas is to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ, God incarnate who came to save the world from sin and death. Before Christ, humanity was lost in our sinfulness, without a savior, without hope.
Yeah, and humanity’s done such a bang-up job since then.
But not now, now God has provided a way for His beloved creation to be saved. This is why we celebrate Christmas!
Yet, the true meaning of Christmas is just too much for the Secularists to handle. For as soon as we recognize that the only reason for why we have a Christmas season is because of Jesus Christ, then suddenly we are faced with a whole host of profound questions, questions that the Secularists would just assume avoid: Who was Jesus Christ? What was Jesus? life mission? Why did Jesus willingly die on the cross? What is so unique about Jesus Christ in a world of religions? Etc?
Dude, honestly? We don’t care. I really, really, really don’t care if you’re Christian or if you celebrate Christmas. At the same time, I don’t see why you should get all uppity if people feel like saying “Happy Holidays,” singing songs about Santa Claus or buying their children presents.
So, rather than face the reality of why we even celebrate the Christmas season (and the profundity that comes with it), the Secularists push Christ aside and attempt to keep the celebration going without him… ?Happy Holidays?, but ultimately find the season to be unfulfilling, too expensive, and lonelier than you?d think, even when surrounded by family and friends.
OK, man, I can sympathize with the argument that Christmas has become too materialistic. But guess what? It’s not the liberals who are pushing Christ aside. It’s the corporations who want to sell lots of stuff. Please, go bitch at them. We liberals have exactly zero power. Start holding your own damn party accountable if you’re so upset.
Christmas is more than shopping, more than presents, more than food, even more than spending time with family and friends. Christmas is the celebration of the greatest gift ever given to humanity, God come in human flesh as the perfect atoning sacrifice for our sins. Without recognizing Jesus Christ, everything else that comes with the Holiday season is ultimately meaningless.
And if you don’t spend the holiday worshipping JEEEEEEEEEE-ZUS-AAAAAAAH!!!!, you deserve to be lonely and miserable. So nyah, nyah, nyah, assholes.
And in our recognition of Jesus Christ, suddenly the Christmas season, the presents, the food, our family and friends have meaning, real meaning, and ultimate meaning.
Ah, so rampant materialism isn’t so bad as long as you include JEEEEEEEEEE-ZUS-AAAAAAAH!!!! in the mix. Glad to hear it.
Also, I love this little note he leaves at the bottom of his column:
Don?t bother writing me to tell me all about the Pagan origins of Christmas, Christmas trees, December 25, etc. I?ve heard it all before and I?m not interested. For the Christian, Christmas is about Jesus Christ and Christ alone.
Yeah, don’t waste your time telling this guy facts- he just doesn’t want to hear them.
So the question begs to be asked ” So if Christmas is the domain of Christians alone, why do you give a shit how we spend our Holiday Fucking Season?”
Death to Christmas! Wait, I mean America. Or both, actually. Fuck it, pass the hashish.
The liberals are oppressing us by not asking “how high?” when we say “jump.”
questions that the Secularists would just assume avoid
For “all intensive purposes,” one supposes.
Wait a minute, did that dude really say:
questions that the Secularists would just assume avoid?
What? Was he transcribing this to someone while drunk and slurring his words? How do you make that mistake?
I can’t even focus on the rest of the wingnuttery now…that really threw me off.
Umm…yeah…what FlipYrWhig said.
pwn3ed!
(Only without th3 e.)
I think we might have to call that one even.
The best way to handle such renegade reindeer would be to lop off their noses, pike them on top of toothpicks, and display them all around the gates of Santa’s village. This will send a stern warning to other reindeer not to let their genes mutate.
What an excellent message (and it’s exactly what Rudolph deserves for both being different and for trying to lead people away from Christ by existing during the month of December). I really hope all those teens who are thinking of turning gay pay it close heed.
I think we should track down all these loons at the weekend and abuse them for not celebrating Gaudete Sunday in the appropriate manner. I’m not sure what the appropriate manner is, but I bet John Gibson et al don’t either, so we could bluff it out. I suspect Christmas is the only day in the Christian calendar these clowns have heard us.
I explain more in my book, The War Against Quinquagesima….
I don’t know what the hell Rudolph has to do with jesus, but that “just assume avoid” thing caused some sort of chain reaction mental breakdown for me.
I guess that’s what you get when you don’t read, and rely on spoken word for your vocabulary.
Heard of, even.
But not now, now God has provided a way for His beloved creation to be saved. This is why we celebrate Christmas!
Sounds to me like SOMEONE is declaring war on Easter. I mean, I personally don’t get it (or the “Good Friday” thing) but I always thought the big deal was Christ’s death for our supposed sin of being the product of a sperm and an egg. Why is he abandoning Easter to be picked apart by bunnies and peeps to defend Easter’s bastard half-brother – Christianity’s most shamelessly obvious remnant of paganism?
One thing that bothers me about the “war on Xmas” trumped-up BS is the focus on what people say to you as a greeting when you go shop in their stores. Why are these Freakazoid-Christians (as opposed to normal Christians) so incensed about this? It’s a STORE, it’s not (by their own supposed rules) a standard-bearer in the secular-vs-holy Battle for Christmas. If they think that the “Happy Holidays” imprimatur of Target Corporation makes all the difference, then they have their priorities screwed up. Hey, come on, people, Christmas is about the birth of the Baby Jeebus, isn’t it? Don’t REALLY fundie Christians shun the celebration of Christmas beyond going to services and such? I think these people should hold themselves to a much more restricted celebration of the day, particularly eschewing shopping, and then maybe they wouldn’t care so much about what the benighted employees of the commercial world say or what people call their heathen evergreens.
My husband is Jewish and he’s also a devout Buddhist. I’m a stone-cold atheist. He always had a tree and gifts as a kid (as did I), and we always have a tree and presents. We both love the pagan aspects of the holiday season, and could give a shit about Christ. For us, Xmas is all about just plain fun. These wingnuts sure get off telling people what to do. They’re even trying to take the joy out of Christmas. Fuck em. In the immortal words of Bart Simpson, I do what I want. These nuts want not only my womb, but my friggin tree, too!
Shorter Lucy: If the birth of Christ is really what’s most important to you about Christmas, then stop worrying about what people in stores do.
I love how all those American wing-fuck-nuts always talk about the world, e.g. the Secularists of our world.
Somebody buy this guy a ticket to say Munich, Vienna, Madrid or Warsaw. Let him take a tour of all the Betlehems here and let him see how the secularists destroyed Xmas in Europe.
Pass the sheesha, Osama.
Here’s some war-on-christmas nuttery digamma sent me:
http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/BurtPrelutsky/2005/12/08/178211.html
tear it apart, brad! it’s clownhall! it’s *taunting* you!
I’m a secular humanist, and I celebrate Christmas. I even say ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘pass the eggnog’ and ‘what a thoughtful gift!’.
Mr. Carlson, go stick your head in a pig.
Whenever I read a column like this, all I can picture is Mr. Garrison from South Park singing “Merry Fucking Christmas”. It makes me laugh and shake my head sadly at the same time.
Holiday Fucking Season
Merry Fucking Christmas
You know, I thought something was missing from our December celebrations, that certain je ne sais quoi. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Thanks to gogglespisano and Charlotte Smith, I know now what tradition to start, but we’re going to be exhausted by the 12th day of Christmas!
Shorter Jason Carlson:
Nonreligious people are nonreligious and should not be allowed to have nonreligious holidays.
If you line these two quotes up:
So, rather than face the reality of why we even celebrate the Christmas season (and the profundity that comes with it), the Secularists push Christ aside and attempt to keep the celebration going without him.
and
Don?t bother writing me to tell me all about the Pagan origins of Christmas, Christmas trees, December 25, etc. I?ve heard it all before and I?m not interested.
It’s EXTRA nutty. This guy both acknowledges the pagan origins of Christmas AND insists that Jesus’s birth is the ONLY reason we even celebrate in December.
Wow. Save the hashish, man: we gats to get us some of what this guy is smoking!
Lucy, I’m with you, and what amazes me is that these fools get ANGRY about how other people wish them well.
Is that fucked-up or what?
“Goddamn it, you’ll wish me well in the words of MY choosing!”
You’d think he’d love the poem to conformity that is the Rudolph story..
Re-arrange the letters in Santa and you get Satan.
It’s in Revelations, people!
Don?t bother writing me […] . I?ve heard it all before and I?m not interested.
Can I write him and tell him that he shouldn’t bother writing articles like this because I’ve heard it all before and I’m not interested? I think I will.
Without recognizing Jesus Christ, everything else that comes with the Holiday season is ultimately meaningless.
Just in case we missed it, here are those things Mr Carlson finds meaningless without Christ:
shopping … presents … food … spending time with family and friends.
Secularists are trying to ruin Christmas because we are not paying attention to what truly matters. Keep up the good work Mr Carlson.
-The Rev. Schmitt.
Yo, “g,” I forgot about that point. It is really funny (not to mention rude and petty) that they demand to have friendly greetings said to them in just the words they want to hear. There’s no pleasing some people. So, what if we just all switch to, “Fuck you, God-botherer?” as they enter the consumerist temple of their choice? We’d just be voicing what I think anyway.But doesn’t it just go along with the right-wing-Christian-fundie trend of trying to force the rest of the world to behave in a way that accords with their personal principles? “No, rape victim, you can’t have morning-after drugs because I am not comfortable with it. Too bad you got fucked against your will and possibly impregnated with the child of a violent felon. It’s a much worse thing if a one-day-old cluster of cells possibly gets chucked down the pan. Jesus wills it.” Pardon my unwonted vulgarity. Some situations (apparently I’ve identified two of them, above) seem to require the F-word.
Can I write him and tell him that he shouldn’t bother writing articles like this because I’ve heard it all before and I’m not interested?
I did e-mail him to rattle his cage about that particular piece of lunacy. (I was bored and had nothing better to do.) He responded by inviting me to Christmas dinner if I’m in Minnesota on the holiday.
Festivus is gonna be AWESOME this year! 😀
As for me and my family, shelly, you can take the “us” out of Festiv(us). We’ll be celebrating the reason for the season: The virgin birth.
“Mary” Christmas!