Holiday Shopping Made Sadly

Is fighting the Liberal War on Christmas cutting into your holiday shopping this year? Relax! Pour a cup of fair-trade hot chocolate and let us do the heavy lifting. Even if you live in a red state, you can have a blue, blue holiday season with these exclusive items from the Sadly Holiday Shoppe!

Item 630-52-107 — ‘Holiday Bluestocking’

Take that, Red State scum! This custom-monogrammed holiday stocking hearkens to the 18th Century, when female intellectuals gathered in Bluestocking Clubs. Open it with joy on Holiday Morning, or simply fill it with rocks and bash a ‘conservative feminist’ into a coma.

Item 552-52-107 — ‘Holiday Man Suit’
Item 553-52-107 — ‘Holiday Man Hat and Beard’

Whatever your Holiday, you’ll be the hit of the party with this red-free Holiday suit — or even just a hat-and-beard Man ensemble.

Item 552-47-107 — ‘Palestinian Flag Ornament’

Do you accept the Holidays’ right to exist? If so, this ornament will liven up your Holiday tree while giving your wingnut relatives apoplexia. Whatever your views on Israel, you’ll say “Yasser!” when this handmade matte-finish beauty makes its Holiday debut — although let it be clear that we unconditionally support a right of return.

Item 989-50-107 — ‘Gay Creche’

“Wait,” your dumb relatives will say, “Is that two Josephs in that creche — or is it a couple of Marys?” This touching nativity scene is a tribute to marriage, and celebrates the miraculous birth of a Holiday religious figure to his earthly fathers. Larry and Joseph figures also sold separately.

Say, is planning your Holiday meal a chore? Worry not, Moonbat! Stay tuned for more exclusive items, only at MichaelBérubé.com here.


Comments: 43


Now I know what to get teh for Winter Celebration (holiday being a word that comes from holy days is offensive. Time to start the war on the holidays!)


At least with the Gay creche we can be certain about the Immaculateness of that conception. I mean, that should make it more orthodox. There ain’t no way Jo’ and Jo’ making no baby except the sky fairy* done making it.

*Norbiz popularized usage.


I love the font on the stocking, it’s as if Teh left a little note for the girls and boys, if Santa Teh had left 1) copy Buck Rogers DVD with “Wilma Deering” crossed out and replaced with “Teh l4m3” 2) a couple of turds and 3) a pack of “Theatre Studs” playing cards with the Tom Wopat King of Clubs mysteriously missing in all the stockings.


I know that second photo was bait to try and get the old sandwich doc to release his rap duet, “Black Santa,” but I’m not ready to release it yet, and though I’ve never claimed to be a hard-core street rapper, I’m still a bit self-conscious about my “shrink” rap. And don’t try to beg me either, I don’t release songs well under that type of pressure.


Doc, you don’t release songs well under any kind of pressure.


maybe not, thedarkbackward, but based on the stats, you folks certainly seem to be recieving them well.


Awesome work, Gav. I can’t wait to see the tree ornament we discussed yesterday! 🙂


Who are you calling red state scum? May a goat fart in your face blue-boy. Fttt.


It’s in the works — it seems simple, but is actually a surprising logistical challenge….


I simply must have a Bluestocking.


I may have to get one of those Gay Creches. They’re sacrilicious!



I want in on some of this. Can you get them to make an Agent RETARDO 007 Swiss Army Abortion kit?

How about self-igniting american flags soaked in kerosene? oh, liability issues? yeah, i understand.

Anyway, thanks for the marketing ideas. Suckers!


I have to say, no lineup of holiday goods is complete without one of those fake rasta hats with plastic dreads.
I’m gonna go put mineo n right now.


Put me down for a dozen of those Palestinian ornaments, but can you make mine glossy? I want to be able to make them seen through the window across the street.


How about a Talking L’il Pastor Swank doll? Pull the string and he says (in an irritating, sing-song, baby-talk voice) things like, “Ha ha! I made poopies in my preacifying pants!” and “If there are HOMO NUPS in Tony B. Liar-land, who’s gonna make all the WOMB-BABIES, GLOBAL?” and “Dingle-dangle-donkey-dong, wuffle-huffle, Dems are wrong!” and “Preznit Buuush is funny–his breath smells like tequila!”


It’s official. Gavin is genius.


I want in on some of this. Can you get them to make an Agent RETARDO 007 Swiss Army Abortion kit?

Oh dear. I don’t even wanna imagine…

Also, I’ma give Marq’s Swank Doll idea a “mega-dittos.”


Hey, you don’t have links and prices so I went over to Berube’s (and no, I don’t use any damn accent marks) site to get some exclusive items and all he has is tired old postmoderist pottery crap and gift cards that refer to some Theory that has no name. He SAYS he’s writing two books that we should be excited about, but I don’t hate anyone on my gift list that bad. How he got in the 250-500 elite is beyond me.
How much for the crech?


Alright, you talked me into it. As promised, here’s

Black Santa:
words and music by Dr. BLT (c)2005
performed by Dr. BLT & Michael C.

(cut and paste link below to hear & download the song for free):


maybe it was adam and steve.


also, Gavin, great post.

Is it sweeps around here week or something?


This post makes your site the Republican Palace Headquarters in the War on Christmas!

“Is that two Josephs in that creche — or is it a couple of Marys?”

That’s one of the funniest lines I’ve ever seen!


Mdhatter, “Sweeps week” that reminds me of a song I wrote. You can listen to it here. Please don’t criticize me for its incredible suckiness because it’s actually objectively superb in my opinion and in the opinion of MomH and PupH.




Gee, BLT, I’m not gonna download that, just so’s I can’t be accused of being one of “nearly 1000” Sadly, No!ers who “support you in your little hobby, but I’ll bet it’s nearly as “good” as this ‘charming’ little ditty. (views expressed in the linked piece of dreck are NOT shared by yours truly, Marq. BOY are they not!)


Any sarcasm points I have accumulated, I cede to Mr. Gregor Samsa, PE The Bong Slogger. Can we download audio of you gurgling away with your instrument of choice? Dude!


BLT, you owe me any money you make on that song. I’ll shake it out of yo’ ass if I have to.


For enough money, I’ll rap anything you want.


Pop goes the song blogger!


Dr. BLT,

We love that song! It makes us feel happy to once again celebrate Christmas. We are happy to inform you that you have been nominated for Rap Song of the Year and would like for you to be present at this year’s Source Awards Show.

The Source Awards Selection Committee


Suge, you can shake anything you want, but it goes down like this: You snooze, you lose! You weren’t there when P. Diddy and I signed the deal, and now you’ll have to collect the royalties in your dreams.

Marq: What can I say? That song you linked me to made my day. It looks like you’ve raised the bar for the old sandwich doc.

Fiddy, to be able to gain street credibility, you have to be into rap for more than money. You have to have a passion to be a gansta, and not a fake one either. More than anything else, you have to have a passion for cussing poetically, and being in videos in which you are determined to show the whole wide world that you finally made it by flashing around all of your gold, your fancy cars and your hundreds and hundreds of fine ho’s.


Shit. Don’t come talk to me until you got your own video game.


Is this evidence that I won’t be getting coal in my stocking???

I’m honored and blessed.


Oh, I didn’t tell you about my video game, did I? It’s called RightWingRoadKill. It’s kind of like a retro right-wing rappers version of the old Packman game. You lie on a Freudian-like couch with the controls in your hand as you watch a big screen. The voice of Rush Limbaugh prompts you to begin. Then, a Dr. BLT cartoon figure comes out rapping. You try to run the rappin’ right-wing rock doc off the road and make road kill out of him before he completes the song, and you win. The prize? The key to Dr. BLT’s entire collection of free mp3s from his free mp3 jukebox accessed via


Sigh. I’ve got nothing left. There is no snark left within me. I reach deep down into the well, and I find it dry.

Dr. BLT, you are the most pathetic kind of whore.


Dr. BLT, you are the most pathetic kind of whore.

There are whores in my video game.


Well, ACG, if I’m such a whore, why haven’t you “hooked” me up (pun intended) with any holy ho’s so I can more adequately pimp my faith?


Well, ACG, if I’m such a whore, why haven’t you “hooked” me up (pun intended) with any holy ho’s so I can more adequately pimp my faith?

I can’t understand what you’re saying.


Great, Shannon, then you’d make the perfect candidate.


Um, that’s tres un-christian. Just sayin’!


Doc, a little FYI about that song I linked to. I’ll be worried about you if you still love it after finding out that: it’s by a drag queen who does his act in “blackface,” you know, like Al Jolson in the Jazz Singer. No, really. His “professional” name is Shirley Q. Liquor, and yes, he is, in fact white. When you consider that combined with the lyrics about “gangstaz” and “fried chicken” and “collard greens”, you know, stuff like this line:

On the third day of Kwanzaa…
I went out to the store. I needed beer and cigarettes
but they was closed, so I smashed out the windows, did
a drive-by and cursed em all out.

…it puts things in, how shall I put it, an interesting light. Of course, none of this points to abominable, hateful racism, right? All in good fun! You should do a cover to prove how un-PC you are! I’m sure it would be “cute.” But, don’t forget the greasepaint. It isn’t authentic without it. The dress is optional, though.


I think I’ll pass, Marq, but thanks! It’s too much of a risk, even for a risk-taker like myself. I may lose half of my fan base, and when I can count my fans on one hand, well, you can understand why I would be fearful of taking such a risk.


Although I didn’t go out of my way to be PC with either song, I’m curious to know if either Black Santa (linked above) or Brown Santa (aka James Brown is Comin’ To Town)is PC enough for you.

Brown Santa
(James Brown is Comin’ To Town)
words and music by Dr. BLT

You see, Marq, I’m not against being sensitive to those who don’t share the same values as myself, and I’m not against being PC, if its in moderation, but some left-wingers take it just a bit too far.


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