double? wtf?

LOL!

He defends Roger Clemens in the same vein as Andy Pettite, implying his reputation is pristine?

Roger “Anger Management Fail” CLEMENS?????

The Dodgers will win the shitty division that is the NL West without Manny.

and he’ll be back over two months before playoffs start.

so…he basically got himself a nice vacation for the next couple months.

WIN!

Well, a nice vacation and a loss of seven million dollars in pay. now he’ll only get 18 million dollars this year! You gotta feel bad for the guy.

I admit, I don’t follow baseball much before the All-Star break, and only then when my beloved Yankees are in the hunt, so maybe this is a bit of special pleading, but can we perhaps come up with a better acronym for Performance-Enhancing Drugs? At first sight, I thought Ramirez was in much worse trouble than he actually is.

‘O HAI BAT BOI. U LIEK PEDO BEAR?’

The fag asks, who the fuck are these people? Never heard of them.
Oh, it’s baseball. Is “Manny” a big time quarterback or something?

Is “Manny” a big time quarterback or something?

He swings a hot bat.

Interested yet?

Is “Manny” a big time quarterback or something?

Yup. He’s got a wicked slapshot.

Manny Ramirez was busted for PEDs

I realize those damn milk caps were annoying, but I didn’t realize you could get arrested for them…

All I do is put up great season after great season. Want to promote roid-free beisbol? Cover me, ESPN.

Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs? Looks like ManRam’s numbers were a ShamSham, if you know what the Cool Coach is sayin! You might think you liberals would realize that your own favorite son- with his hippie hair and lazy ways- was a freaky fraud, but Sadly, No!, the SPREAD of BLINDNESS was all over you on this one!

The Cool Coach realizes that steroids are wrong! Ain’t no Gator on those taters! Badoodle-boo-yeah, loony libs! Urban out.

@ Agi

True about the division, but that vacation is gonna cost him about $8 million, and probably more in the long term. Given how long held out for this new contract, I don’t think that’s gonna make him too happy.

Want to promote roid-free beisbol? Cover me, ESPN.

Still banging cocktail waitresses two at a time, Chip? 😉

He swings a hot bat.

Wow.

You can get rabies from those, I hear.

Ain’t no Gator on those taters!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And I don’t just mean cuz the rhyme is funny…

PEDs

Like walks? As in bases-on-balls?

Heh. I said balls.

Yeah, Manny, with his long hair and hispanic name, just must be a hero to all of us hippy libs! Curse you Coach, you’ve foiled us again!

Do all athletes love those drugs? That is, are they all PEDophiles?

you liberals would realize that your own favorite son- with his hippie hair and lazy ways- was a freaky fraud

Yeah, we just idolize people whose names we don’t even freakin’ recognize.

Manny Ramirez? Sounds like the proprietor of Taco Joanie’s All-Kosher Mexican Cuisine or something.

I swear I didn’t see Chris Lepore’s comment beating me to it. I swear!

I think of PEDs as the credit default swaps of the sports world. Manny was just shorting NHB* securities like everybody else at the time.

*Not Having Backne

with his hippie hair

1966 called. It wants its outrage back.

Sounds like the proprietor of Taco Joanie’s All-Kosher Mexican Cuisine or something.

Actuall, I think that was Juan Epstein

Manny Ramirez? Sounds like the proprietor of Taco Joanie’s All-Kosher Mexican Cuisine or something.

That’s short for “Manuel” as in RTFM.

Yeah, we just idolize people whose names we don’t even freakin’ recognize.

That is a pretty tired wingnut trick – I think of it as the Ward Churchill Gambit.

Yeah, Manny, with his long hair and hispanic name, just must be a hero to all of us hippy libs! Roger Clemmens and Andy Pettite with their short hair can be forgiven. IOKIARDI… or someone who looks like he could be a repug.

I think the moral, if there is any, is that when you get caught cheating, you’re more likely to be forgiven if you were a decent human being up until then than if you were a moody, surly jerk. That’s why I, for one, didn’t shed any tears for Clemens or Bonds.

the only franchise on earth that was willing to overlook his potholed past

Actually, no. My own precious Giants were definitely trying to get him. Bullet dodged. (No pun intended.)

“The Manny sucks but we can forgive Pettite” argument sounds quite familiar to those of us in SF. See, Barry Bonds, we were told, was worse than Clemens or Giambi or whoever because he was a jerk to the media and he’s never admitted to juicing and he has the home run title. I actually bought into that. But, I’m starting to wonder if there weren’t racial undertones.

Side note: the Giants flagship station has already produced a song re Manny. It’s to the tune of Benny and the Jets, but goes, “M-m-m-manny and the juice.” Clever, right? And, by that I mean not at all.

Sign at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, circa 1991:

Tommy’s pennant chances are getting Ultra Slim, Fast

BS,

No disrespect to Pettite, after all, he is a pretty decent human being and all that, but I wonder why that is? Breaking the rules is breaking the rules, and it seems to me if you’re a “good guy” you wouldn’t even be involved in that shit.

Take A-Rod, as an example. Here’s a guy who is a bit of a jerk, but whose jerkitude was never fully revealed until after the steroid allegations were made.

Which of course leads me to suspect the Steinbrenners planted some of those stories about the hooker in Toronto to bust up his marriage, after they learned he had tested positive in the 2003 testing.

Two years ago, people probably would have forgiven him, even if privately he was still a jerk, because his public image was still pretty clean.

Now, he’ll be booed mercilessly every time he steps to the plate this season (starting tonight).

It can’t be a tribute to Lasorda if doesn’t have the word “cocksucker” in it somewhere.

Take A-Rod, as an example. Here’s a guy who is a bit of a jerk, but whose jerkitude was never fully revealed until after the steroid allegations were made.

I don’t know. A-Roid was pretty well confirmed as a douche as early as 2003, before the steroid talk really started (our phasers were set for Big Mac and Sammy back then).

A-Roid was pretty well confirmed as a douche as early as 2003, before the steroid talk really started (our phasers were set for Big Mac and Sammy back then).

You’re telling me! I remember when the Mets went after him and rather than just say “Not interested” his agent (Bore-ass?) wrote up a lengthy list of demands, including not riding the team bus, a suite of offices plus a secretary on staff, private dressing room…

We chalked it up to Boreass’ being a jerk, but now I wonder if A-Rod had really asked for that stuff.

Still, you didn’t see him in the gossip columns and you didn’t see photos of him kissing himself in the mirror, which is the crap people remember.

I think Manny should be shunned just for being an idiot or, in the alternative, for going to a doctor who is such an idiot. The substance they found is a favorite amongst steroid users.

I think I need to go find a sports blog somewhere. I just like it here, because everyone (trolls aside) is so smart and articulate.

“Now, he’ll be booed mercilessly every time he steps to the plate this season (starting tonight).”

Until he goes 3 for 4 with a couple of bombs. The new Yankee stadium can’t hold Derek Jeter; A-Rod is going to own the place.

Boreass (nice) is Manny’s agent, too, right? Let’s blame him!

True dat, Legalize.

Personally, I think they should just legalize steroids and be done with it. The owners look the other way (I always think of Claude Rains in Casablanca when I watch Selig talk about roids), the players feel they have to take them, and the way I see it, if you’re stupid enough to spend five or ten years of your life (the average ballpalyer’s major league career span) injecting yourself with a dangerous and lethal drug to make yourself incrementally better than the next guy, and be dead by forty or sixty for it, be my guest.

…it seems to me if you’re a “good guy” you wouldn’t even be involved in that shit.

I suppose, but let’s not forget that it’s an insanely competitive lifestyle and guys will always look for every edge.

That’s why regulations on drugs in sports are as necessary as environmental regulations in business. Businessmen pollute, not because they hate Bambi, but because doing do cuts expenses and gives them a competitive advantage. By the same token, ballplayers pollute their bodies with drugs not for the sheer joy of it, but because they think they need the extra edge. No ballplayer should have to choose between wrecking his body and giving away a competitive advantage, which is why sports have drug policies in the first place.

No ballplayer should have to choose between wrecking his body and giving away a competitive advantage, which is why sports have drug policies in the first place.

In this instance, I am a Galtian. They’re adults, they know what they are doing to themselves. If they need some learning, we can show them clips of Lyle Alzaado.

Ain’t no Gator on those taters!

See ya later, masturbator!

After a while, coprophile…

… and be dead by forty or sixty for it …

Really? Is this even happening? Or is just the karmic retribution that some people really want to be true? Even though there is absolutely no study that has shown using steroids or HGH causes people to die 15 to 35 years ahead of the average person’s lifespan?

Don’t care. Fuck ‘im.
Just yet another example of people holding up the wrong people as role models, only to be crushingly disappointed in them.

They’re adults, they know what they are doing to themselves.

Unfortunately the little leaguers who emulate these “heroes” don’t fall into that category.

don’t talk that way about Epstein.

Signed,

Espstein’s Mother

The ban on performance enhancing drugs has been, is, and will continue to be a sham. With guys like Bonds, Giambi, Pettit, Clemens, and now Manny it only shows that banning PEDs is as effective as the War on Drugs, which is NOT.

Let them juice up. I wanna see musclebound freaks with shriveled up balls, roid rage, and exploding hearts. They’ll do it cuz there’s millions involved in destroying their bodies. I’ll watch cuz it’s fun to see people destroy themselves for money. Ain’t that what entertainment is all about?

Sports has become a freak show. It’s not about guys playing the game, it’s about freaks who’d do anything for that bit of an advantage. Bring on the freaks and take your ideas of purity and shove ’em up your glory hole.

Unfortunately the little leaguers who emulate these “heroes” don’t fall into that category.

I used to think this was a lot of bull, until I had to start writing anti-steroid and PED testing policies for my school district clients.

I’m not sure if users are dying early, but they certainly have a lot of health problems. For example, I heard this morning that Jose Canseco got popped about six months ago for bringing HGC (the drug they got Manny for, interestingly) into the country from Mexico. His claim was that he needed it to jump start his testosterone production, because the steroids had made it stop.

I’m almost inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt pending a statement from his doctor, but if he never gets around to making that public, it’s a nolo contendere as far as I’m concerned.

Anyway, there are three words that explain everything if you’re a Red Sox fan: “Manny being Manny”. That’s all you need to know.

Chipper Jones said,

All I do is put up great season after great season. Want to promote roid-free beisbol? Cover me, ESPN.

Sure, Larry. Don’t go getting a big head now. Oh, too late.

DEAR GAWD AMIGHTY CAN WE HAVE A NEW NON-BASEBALL THREAD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?

The only thing more boring than baseball is talking about baseball. And NASCAR. The only two things more boring than baseball are…

Let them juice up. I wanna see musclebound freaks with shriveled up balls, roid rage, and exploding hearts.

This reminds me of an old Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update” skit about the all-drug Olympics, where competitors are not only allowed, but encouraged, to take performance-enhancing substances. It featured, IIRC, Kevin Nealon as a weightlifter who literally tore his arms off trying to break a record.

That Girl, as a former little leaguer, and Babe Ruth leaguer and high school ballplayer, believe me, the kids look at everything these big leaguers do and try their best to emulate. As early as 11 years old I watched some of my contemporaries get stared on chewing tobacco. And even the dumbest of those kids were aware that tobacco did not enhace performance. So now we’ve got drugs that the “heroes” are using that will also help you play better. That’s got to be more appealing to these kids than tobacco ever was.

See, there’s just one teeny-tiny drawback with letting pro jocks get juiced willy-nilly … when they see these “freaks” making third-world-GNP-sized salaries after going on it, lots of naive little kids think it’s hella cool, start getting – & abusing – bags of dicey street-roids (without the benefit of annual blood-changes or pricy detox), & quite a few of them then wind up in prison, psychotic, missing limbs or dead before they’re 30. It’s all good lulz until it’s YOUR kid on a fucking slab, or his best friend.

This reminds me of an old Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update” skit about the all-drug Olympics

Which reminds me of the bit I saw on I believe either Colbert or Daily Show about 2 months after the Tour De France when they went live to Paris to cover the finish for the drug-free competitors of the race.

I’m not a sports fan, so I don’t know what I’m talking about, but that’s never stopped me before so:

Do steroids really confer that much of an advantage in baseball? I can see it in football, where you want to have the largest sides of beef you can grow slamming into each other, but what’s the upside in baseball?

I know the level of fielding in the modern game is such that it’s almost impossible to get a base hit if it isn’t a home run; are the steroids so you can run fast enough to get to first base before the ball? Here’s a solution: make the sides of the diamond 80 feet instead of 90, like they are in Japan. Or go back to the soft ball they had before 1920 (yeah, I know they switched because a guy got killed with one, but that was a freak accident.)

Or better yet, if keeping the fans interested is the goal, kick up the score by six each time, like they do in football, to give the illusion that there’s more going on than there is. That’s the main reason football fans say “soccer is boring.” Score each goal six points and that would go away.

OK, fine. In hopes of finding something more entertaining, I’ll head off to see the new Kert Rats flick.

Yes, stop talking about boring old baseball. Let’s talk about what we’re making for dinner tonight or some lame coworker or whether Amanda Marcotte would want to fuck us. Exciting stuff like that.

Yeah, I’m sure Chipper’s not on the juice. I mean it’s not like he always gets waylaid by bizarre muscle injuries or anything, just two or three times a year.

The hyperventilating over Ramirez by white reporters — I thought Bill Platsche was going to have a stroke last night on Baseball Tonight — was rich. The guy, who I like, dogged on the Sox last year and the Dodgers picked him up for nothing — and the LA media was fine with that, especially after he “magically” started crushing the ball. What’s the difference between cheating your team out of a decent effort and cheating the sport on steroids? Who, really, gives a fuck, at long last? It’s all situational ethics.

If Andy Petite gets to slide, why can’t Manny? I’d rather have Manny on my team for the sheer entertainment value (not to mention he’s better than Petite). And if he comes back and still hits the shit out of the ball, these assholes will shut the fuck up.

I think to spice up sporting contests one member of the losing team should be sacrificed to Ba’al Zebul at the end of the game. They can cast lots to pick the honoree. I also think the America’s Cup race would be more interesting if the ships were fitted with cannons, and you earned extra points if you successfully capture another ship and make the crew walk the plank.

I also think sport fucking should be in the Olympics, but I don’t know if it should be round-robin or double elimination. I also think I need to get out more. I’ll just go back to lurking before I do any more damage. Good day.

Sorry Jim, that’s not a good reason to ban. Kids see adults do a whole lotta shit and try to emulate it. What makes Sport so different? That they’re heroes? Sorry but all heroes have foibles.

It seems you mistakenly believe there was a time, not too long ago, where Sport was pure and folks didn’t do something to get them through the game. There never was such a time.

As soon as you realize that you’ll understand that being honest, both with the adults who play the game and the youngsters, is the way to go. Kid wants to hit roids? Show them Lyle Alzado and the hundreds of other guys who, in the interest of keeping the game pure, are kept off of the screen. Kids don’t get to see what twenty years juiced up does to a body. But to keep on like these guys are outliers instead of the norm is doing a far worse disservice to those kids.

Sport is fucked up and it’s better to leave it that way and use it as a lesson. “Here’s the lengths to which people will go to achieve fame and fortune. All the fame and fortune, is it worth it to totally waste your body?”

Let’s explain why.…What word would we use…We get the picture.…Our first inclination, on first glance, is to…We’d all love to believe that Manny’s…We’d all love to believe that his…

Does Stark always write like this, using the royal we so smugly? He isn’t the head of government or state, he isn’t royalty, and he sure as hell isn’t the Pope.

I see the Onion has also covered the drug free Tour de France.

I think to spice up sporting contests one member of the losing team should be sacrificed to Ba’al Zebul at the end of the game.

YESH!

Bring back the Mayan ball game! Losers get their hearts ripped out on national TV. “AND it’s still beating, Ken! This is great television!”

Wouldn’t cause a bit of trouble as long as the chicks kept their tops on.

Does Stark always write like this, using the royal we so smugly?

It’s not the royal we, it’s the editorial we.

There’s a Mark Twain joke that goes something like, “Only editors, kings, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the first person plural.”

He doesn’t speak for me.

I’m really, really good at Wii pinball.

Just got 1,100,000+ on Jive Time. BEAT THAT!

Hell, yeah, Pere Ubu! All these manly men with their manly macho sports would piss themselves just listening to a description of the Mesoamerican ballgame. Plus, Manny Ramirez’ ancestors used to play it!

Do steroids really confer that much of an advantage in baseball?

I’ve always been under the assumption that steroids help more with the recovery from effort than the effort itself.

Jayson Stark wrote:

They were guys like Andy Pettitte, whose prior reputations were pristine to begin with. Who then stepped forward and told their story in a way that people could relate to.

Yes — by lying and saying he had never done PEDs, and making character assassinations against his good buddy Roger Clemens who had claimed that Pettitte had done roids.

Then Pettitte got caught and “stepped forward”, admitting to having done it only once, and he was sorry about it, and it was only that one time, and gosh, I’m just a good old Texas boy.

Then he got caught having done it multiple times, and he “stepped forward” again with another lie about how he only did it those few times he got caught, but never ever any other time.

That’s telling your story “in a way that people could relate to.” And by “people” I mean idiot Yankee sycophants like Jayson Stark.

I think we need to keep in mind that he only has a clean reputation because the assholes who cover sports never press the Yankees on anything, because their coverage of the Yankees is always as worshipful as possible.

1. I’d be surprised if most ballplayers over 30 aren’t doing something illegal. For an athlete, that’s old, There’s a reason the Yankees have so many steroid cases — they’re fucking old!

2. I think we can just assume anyone who has that “rounded balloon muscle” look is on something.

Really? Is this even happening?

Take a long look at the list of dead pro wrestlers, and that’s before you even look at the list of pro wrestlers who have been killed in acts of violence.

Unfortunately the little leaguers who emulate these “heroes” don’t fall into that category.

That’s a different, parenting issue. There are plenty of bad behaviors, like drinking, that gets revealed daily, and yet, you never hear sports commentators up in arms when Joba Chamberlain gets busted on a DUI.

That Girl, as a former little leaguer, and Babe Ruth leaguer and high school ballplayer, believe me, the kids look at everything these big leaguers do and try their best to emulate.

I’m a former athlete too, in five sports. Six, if you count epic failing in soccer.

I don’t recall that I ever chewed tobacco. Sunflower seeds, yes. Tobacco, no.

I need a REAL man, like this rock star.

I’ve always been under the assumption that steroids help more with the recovery from effort than the effort itself.

I think that’s right. FP Santangelo, a former player for several teams (who wasn’t very good) and former radio personality in Sacramento (he does TV for the Giants now, I think) was named in the Mitchell report. He said he did it to recover more quickly from an injury which would get him back on the field more quickly.

Interestingly, re the drug found in Manny’s system: “HCG is used to re-stimulate the testicles, primarily in men with a history of steroid use.” http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Also, I remember people claiming that, beyond bulking up for power, Bonds could actually see the ball better because of the steroids. I don’t know if that was ever scientifically proven.

I also think the America’s Cup race would be more interesting if the ships were fitted with cannon

I’d be a yachter in a heartbeat. Call me Dread Pirate Carl, they do.

This is the first time I’ve read comments at a sports blog and … wow. Maybe Politico isn’t that bad after all. Although one smarty-pants came up with:

“Manny being Tranny.” Not bad.

I think I’m just going to stick with open-wheel racing where drugs are more a hindrance than aid.

I don’t recall that I ever chewed tobacco. Sunflower seeds, yes. Tobacco, no.

Do kids want to get testicular cancer because Lance Armstrong, John Kruk and Nene had it?

Sounds like the proprietor of Taco Joanie’s All-Kosher Mexican Cuisine or something.

There’s a restaurant in the Greek part of Denver called Adolph’s Mexican Kitchen…

Somebody had to be on something when they came up with the idea of the figure-8 race, though.

Do kids want to get testicular cancer because Lance Armstrong, John Kruk and Nene had it?

How many kids do amphetamines?

Cuz you want to talk about drugs in sports, guess what’s an even bigger problem than steroid?

I’m a former athlete too, in five sports. Six, if you count epic failing in soccer.

I don’t recall that I ever chewed tobacco. Sunflower seeds, yes. Tobacco, no.

You are probably somewhat younger than I. Baseball banned all forms of tobacco for minor league players in 1993, all tobacco advertising at ballparks had already been banned. As the minor leaguers of the last 15 years have made their way to the majors you rarely see a tv camera zoom in on someone as they are spitting tobacco. Sunflower seeds became the replacement for the tobacco. So it is not unusual to see the camera zoom in on a player spitting sunflower husks. That’s what you and the kids today are emulating. BTW I never chewed tobacoo either. Not every kid who played baseball chewed tobacco. But a lot of kids I know started chewing tobacco speciffically because they saw it at the big league ballpark.

The problem with officially condoning steroid use, is that as soon as it’s “legal”, it becomes “mandatory”. “You wanna become a major leaguer, kid? Here, take this, and this, and three of these. Put some of this in your Gatorade, and get someone to give you ten units of this IV, twice a day. What’s that? You’re worried about the long-term health effects? Tough titty. There’s no way you ill ever be able to compete at the professional level unless you juice, because absolutely everyone else in the sport does. Now run along to recess.”

I’d be a yachter in a heartbeat. Call me Dread Pirate Carl, they do.

If ye come up against me and my crew we’d soon be callin’ yer DEAD Pirate Carl! ARRRRR!

You are probably somewhat younger than I.

I was around before the Mets were. Old enough for ya?

If ye come up against me and my crew we’d soon be callin’ yer DEAD Pirate Carl! ARRRRR!

HARRRRRRRR!

Yer a foony lad, lassie.

Steerpike said,

May 8, 2009 at 20:28

Yes. I agree. It will become mandatory.

Until…

I have a friend who owned a bunch of bakeries.

He never stopped anyone from eating their fill. They could take as much cake and cookies, even take them home.

He never suffered more than one percent shrinkage, because people got tired of them quickly.

When some kid sees his balls fall off, I can guaran-damn-tee you he’ll stop, his brothers will stop, his friends will stop, their friends will stop, their friends’ friends will stop and soon, no more problem.

When some kid sees his balls fall off, I can guaran-damn-tee you he’ll stop, his brothers will stop, his friends will stop, their friends will stop, their friends’ friends will stop and soon, no more problem.

Not when there is so much money involved. People have a tendency to see only the upside and believe that the bad things won’t happen to them.

Shut up, thats who said,

Yes, stop talking about boring old baseball. Let’s talk about what we’re making for dinner tonight or some lame coworker or whether Amanda Marcotte would want to fuck us. Exciting stuff like that.

Yeah!

Not when there is so much money involved.

I dunno. When they have a major league crack-dealing league, let me know.

I’m vaguely surprised at the passionate reactions to such a painfully dull topic.

If we must have competitive team sports, I suggest laser tag. Or dance-offs.

It always astounds me that people are surprised by the fanaticism to team sports or sports in general, when the entire history of humankind suggests that competition, like sports or war, is an integral part of human development.

But actor – athletes have been using steroids and whatever other PEDs they could get their hands on … for decades. There’s a Sports Illustrated cover story from like 1969 that talks about steroids in pro sports, including baseball.

This shit may have been going on since the 1940s or 50s even.

Where are all these people whose balls have fallen off or dropped dead at 40? Where are the brothers and friends and friends of friends of all the kids whose balls have fallen off, who have stopped doing PEDs, which are still widely used?

Where are all the medical studies that directly and unequivocally link steroids to early death? Even animal studies?

I dunno. When they have a major league crack-dealing league, let me know

There is a major league crack-dealing league in my county. And I hear that in the big cities even more so. People go to jail for it, some even die at an early age in this league, but they are willing to sign on for it because they see the money and don’t believe the bad stuff will happen to them.

I suggest laser tag. Or dance-offs.

Dance-offs with lasers! Not those low-powered disco lasers, but the ones they use to carve stone.

Not when there is so much money involved. People have a tendency to see only the upside and believe that the bad things won’t happen to them.

And how is that doping’s fault or even just restricted to doping? By banning it you only drive it underground. Man, it’s like nobody ever heard of prohibition or the War on Drugs. How many people you know who try to cheat out drug tests so they can get a job that pays a thousandth of pro athletes?

Oh, but it’ll work in Sport!

a bitt off topic but one of my favorite the press and baseball stories and how they cover the players.

It’s the 1920’s – teams traveled by trains then – the Yankees are on their way somewhere and the beat reporters are in the club car playing cards when at one end the door flies open and a naked Babe Ruth runs through the car pursued by a women carrying knife.

After the Babe had exited – one of the reporters says “good thing we didn’t see that, we’d have to write about it then.”

I don’t really know if this is true but as with most baseball stories – it doesn’t matter a whole lot.

the entire history of humankind suggests that competition, like sports or war, is an integral part of human development.

It’s more the topic of performance-enhancing drugs that I consider painfully, pointlessly dull, rather than sports in general.

Still…baseball? To watch? Something fast-paced and strategic like basketball is at least mildly interesting.

Laser-tag with the losing team sacrificed to the Sun God.

Still…baseball? To watch?

I kind of like baseball as a game, but as a spectator sport it’s definitely as the old saw goes: “A 30 minute game that takes 2 hours to play”

as a spectator sport it’s definitely as the old saw goes: “A 30 minute game that takes 2 hours to play”

Yup. Could be worse – could be cricket.

This Day in History, according to Wikipedia:

1886 – In Atlanta, Georgia, American pharmacist John Pemberton first sold his carbonated beverage Coca-Cola as a patent medicine, claiming that it cured a number of diseases.

“The Manny sucks but we can forgive Pettite” argument sounds quite familiar to those of us in SF. See, Barry Bonds, we were told, was worse than Clemens or Giambi or whoever because he was a jerk to the media and he’s never admitted to juicing and he has the home run title. I actually bought into that. But, I’m starting to wonder if there weren’t racial undertones.

Wonder?!? I knew it from day one. Barry’s an ass, but considering the other, lighter hued athletes who did it (and lied about it as well), I knew right away there was a strong racial motivation. It didn’t hurt knowing someone who knew Kevin McHale in college and his chemical peccadillos, and how everyone looked the other way for ol’ Kev. Things that got black athletes bounced off athletic programs.

Where are all these people whose balls have fallen off or dropped dead at 40?

We can start with Lyle Alzado…

And go on to this list.

I also think the America’s Cup race would be more interesting if the ships were fitted with cannon

That is soooooo yesterday.

Now the America Cup syndicates have giant, long, courtroom fights.

To racing sailors (I am one), he America’s Cup is interesting to watch, but has little to do with any real aspect of the sport.

Professor Fate said,

May 8, 2009 at 20:54

The basis for The Natural.

1886 – In Atlanta, Georgia, American pharmacist John Pemberton first sold his carbonated beverage Coca-Cola as a patent medicine, claiming that it cured a number of diseases.

The first disease cured: sobriety.

I was around before the Mets were. Old enough for ya?

Deep down, aren’t weren’t we ALL around before the Mets were?

(trying to segue the topic from sports to painful metaphor-filled psuedo-philosophy)

The first disease cured: sobriety.

The second and third: the lacks of tooth decay and obesity.

The second and third: the lacks of tooth decay and obesity.

Tooth ecay and obesity can be addressed by a dance-off with high-powered lasers.

Toothe Cay, halfway between Miami and Key West.

N_B – that’s true, but neither lasers nor dancing had been invented in 1886.

Still…baseball? To watch? Something fast-paced and strategic like basketball is at least mildly interesting.

Watching baseball is like fishing, it sounds better than “sitting around all afternoon drinking beer with my buddies/family/self.” It’s an excuse to do nothing, but at least fishing involves pointentially having the scale a fish if you do it wrong.

neither lasers nor dancing had been invented in 1886.

Neither had teeth nor obesity. That was the golden age of the rail-thin dentured Uncle Sam.

N_B – that’s true, but neither lasers nor dancing had been invented in 1886.

That’s what THEY want you to think, man! That’s why THEY’RE covering up the lasers built to launch that ship to the moon! Jules Verne, man? He tried to get the message out but they stepped on him! WOOO! Now where’s my damn tinfoil, those orbital mind-control lasers are at it again…

This is for Brad and Righteous Bubba:

http://www.creed.com/feeds/tickets.asp

Watching baseball is like fishing, it sounds better than “sitting around all afternoon drinking beer with my buddies/family/self.”

To me, there’s not a lot better than sitting in the sunshine at AT&T Park drinking beer, eating garlic fries and watching Tim Lincecum unload pitches at 96 miles per hour.

He tried to get the message out but they stepped on him! WOOO!

I thought that was Nikola Tesla.

I don’t think Jules Verne had been invented yet.

WOOOO! Verne and Tesla? SAME PERSON, man!!!

if you know what the Cool Coach is sayin

Nope.

WOOOO! Verne and Tesla? SAME PERSON, man!!!

Heh. This sorta makes me miss the alternative-energy sites I used to hang out on before I realized I’d get a lot more achieved by building a solar oven out of cardboard and foil than reading stuff like that.

I’d love to read an environmental impact statement on one of Tesla’s power stations that was supposed to pound so much power into the ground that you could draw it off anywhere in the world. Even his small prototype had earthworms boiling out of the ground for hundreds of feet around.

Kid wants to hit roids? Show them Lyle Alzado and the hundreds of other guys who, in the interest of keeping the game pure, are kept off of the screen. Kids don’t get to see what twenty years juiced up does to a body. But to keep on like these guys are outliers instead of the norm is doing a far worse disservice to those kids.

Yeah, because kids never start smoking or take heroine or do anything dangerous. They always think about the repercussions 20 years down the line.

I need to marry That Girl.

I’ve always been under the assumption that steroids help more with the recovery from effort than the effort itself.

That’s how I understand it, too. The Yanks announcers used to slobber over Clemens’ exercise program and how he was such a “workhorse.” Somehow, they never seemed to follow that up with, “hey, he’s not on the juice, is he?” Even when the dude hit 40 years old.

Yeah, because kids never start smoking or take heroine or do anything dangerous. They always think about the repercussions 20 years down the line.
I don’t get how banning makes it all better, that’s all.

Yeah, because kids never start smoking or take heroine or do anything dangerous.

The ones who get decent parenting do not, unless you’re about to make the claim that ALL kids do stupid shit that risks their lives.

16% of teenage women smoke, for example, and cigarettes are really easy to come by. I’d bet that, even now, 15% of male teen athletes take steroids and they’re illegal.

There’s a reason baseball announcers have to sit there and spout statistics at each other all the time –

It’s because there’s usually absolutely nothing happening down there on the playing field.

The ones who get decent parenting do not, unless you’re about to make the claim that ALL kids do stupid shit that risks their lives.

That’s some bullshit right there in the first clause. I wouldn’t make the claim in the second, but I’d make it for the subset of “everyone I know”.

RB, I’m not suggesting that every kid who has decent parents don’t do dumb shit. What I am suggesting is that the kids who DON’T do dumb shit tend to have better parenting AND that the number of kids who do dumb shit, legal or otherwise, is relatively small.

That’s reasonable.

Would steroids be seen as kind of useless if JD Drew were on them? Conversely, if he weren’t on them, is that a testimony for roidless players also being sackless?

Or rather the first part is reasonable; I think the “dumb shit at least once” category is awfully awfully large.

When some kid sees his balls fall off, I can guaran-damn-tee you he’ll stop, his brothers will stop, his friends will stop, their friends will stop, their friends’ friends will stop and soon, no more problem.

The “kid” won’t see his balls drop off–the washed-up, has-been at 40 will. And the reporters and fans who flocked around him in his prime won’t see it either, because he’s no longer news. Lyle Alzado is a very rare exception, in that the press actually did cover his demise. In the meantime, some desperately poor kid from the Dominican Republic, even if he is aware of the consequences, will weigh the cost of possible, distant health effects against immediate wealth and fame, and will roll up his sleeve without hesitating for one nanosecond.

In the meantime, some desperately poor kid from the Dominican Republic, even if he is aware of the consequences, will weigh the cost of possible, distant health effects against immediate wealth and fame, and will roll up his sleeve without hesitating for one nanosecond.

True.

They do it already. And the stuff is banned.

So I’m not sure what the argument there is.

Kids will stay away from steroids when they see pictures of abusers drawn by Chris Muir.

Kids will stay away from steroids when they see pictures of abusers drawn by Chris Muir.

Everyone’s happier staying away from Chris Muir.

Chris Muir’s drawings never stopped contortionists from horridly painful positions. Or lead scoliosis sufferers to treatment. Or stopped fappers from fapping.

I need to marry That Girl.

::blushes::

You’d be surprised at how many guys find the fact that I want my ashes scattered at AT&T Park unattractive. I guess they like to compartmentalize their lives and don’t want to do things with their significant that they could do with their buddies?

You’d be surprised at how many guys find the fact that I want my ashes scattered at AT&T Park unattractive.

Just explain that they’ll have five minutes warning to cover their beers before the ashes-bearing plane flies over and that problem should go away.

“When some kid sees his balls fall off, I can guaran-damn-tee you he’ll stop, his brothers will stop, his friends will stop, their friends will stop, their friends’ friends will stop and soon, no more problem.”

Ahhh, the magic hand of the free market will provide huh?

Stand by…

The Fool is in the house!!!

Why did the punk cross the road?

Because his music sucked ass.

Duh.

Stark claims he’s not a racist, but then explains why only the white guys should be forgiven for cheating.

Nice.

Ahhh, the magic hand of the free market will provide huh?

It’s not really a libertarian argument if the phrase “simply choose” doesn’t appear in it somewhere, e.g. “Anyone who witnesses the kid’s balls falling off will simply choose to stop using the substance.”

I’m here because I got sick of dating my right hand.

Okay, who forgot to hang the “No-Pest Strip” this morning?

Baseball is the sin eater for the rest of professional sports. Jesus Christ, the NFL largely escapes scrutiny on steroids and all that other bullshit — as if the demented freaks who play it are somehow normal.

Football players die young, infirmed and often braindamaged. They play for mostly un-guaranteed contracts, often for short money and the league they play for makes more money than any other. I’ll stop just short of saying they are “exploited”, but football players are compromised in ways that should shame a thinking population I enjoy the sport, but for all the handwringing about the “integrity of the game” with baseball cheating, football’s largely and purposely ignored legacy is infinitely worse.

Football players die young, infirmed and often braindamaged.

The way many of them live, eh?

What about the Magic Fingers of the free market?

What do you call punks who learn how to play their instruments?

Sell outs

From MSNBC.com:

Boo-hoo: Foreclosure wave hits the rich

O MAH HART IT BLEEDZ

(BTW, that baby on the “front page”? CREEEEEPY.)

What do you call trolls who have wanked themselves raw?

I want my ashes scattered at AT&T Park

I have arranged for my ashes to be strewn around the aisles at Archie McPhee.

I want my ashes ground into the rug so well it takes days to vacuum them out.

O NOES! The movie was better than I expected – it wasn’t *really* a Star Trek movie at all – but you limpdicks are still talking about baseball. Criminy. I’ll go putter in the kitchen.

I want my ashes ground into the rug so well it takes days to vacuum them out.

You think that’s funny, but someone spilled some of my grandfather’s ashes on the rug of the restaurant we went to after his memorial service. So wrong on so many levels.

it wasn’t *really* a Star Trek movie at all

No, wait. Care to expand on that observation?

Somebody around here has a masturbation fetish…

Knock yourself out, bro

How can baseball be worth a fig when George Will is one of it’s most ardent boosters? George Will fer chrissake!

The only sport more boring than baseball is car racing.

The only sport more fun than beating up punks is punking Sadlynaughts.

I am not familiar with these ball bases of which you speak.

You think that’s funny

Only if the rug belongs to someone I dislike. So the grandfather/restaurant situation is just sad.

Unless it was a Denny’s, in which case it’s heeeelarious.

The used book store stopped accepting trade-ins of Wills’ baseball books. They were so overstocked they had no chance of ever selling the ones they already had.

It was a spacey-fi action movie that used some ST characters and settings. It was James Bond in the 25th and a half century. It was Star Wars. ST always had (or was supposed to have) some sense of social realism, social movement. At least, that was the original theme and it took even whatztheirnutzes…umm, Berman and the others, quite a while to completely poison the franchise.

The flick I saw today wasn’t about the struggles of any one or a few characters, it wasn’t about social struggle. It was just an action pic using some familiar (sketch) characters.

The flick I saw today wasn’t about the struggles of any one or a few characters, it wasn’t about social struggle. It was just an action pic using some familiar (sketch) characters.

AAAAAhhhh, donchaknow scy-fy ain’t about SOCIAL stuff, it’s about spaceships & lasers! BOOM! kpow kpow zowie

Welcome back,
Your words were your ticket out.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome back, Fool. We really missed you around here. No, let me rephrase that: we really needed you around here!

Free to comment at last! Free to comment at last! Thank Jerry Almighty, The Fool is free to comment at last!

Granted, Roddenberry had a strongly progressive point of view that got baked in to the ST universe– racial equality, Teh Federation is basically an inter-planetary U.N., etc– but its not like it was freakin’ Upton Sinclair, or anything.

Coach Urban Meyer Sez:
You might think you liberals would realize that your own favorite son- with his hippie hair and lazy ways- was a freaky fraud

I thought us hippies only cared about baseball when Doc Ellis was pitching.

I lost the hippie manual years ago. Someone help me out here.

Quick — where’s Rigghteous Bubba?

Let him know I’m around so he can activate the phone tree!

I’ll just sit here and talk to myself and another alias I use friend I have here called “Welcome Back, Fool”

What about the Magic Fingers of the free market?

The trouble with the Invisible Hand is you don’t know where to slap when it plays Magic Fingers.

Magic Dick has Magic Fingers, and he uses them on his sax.

Although he’s more widely known for what he does to his mouth organ.

Its not just me and Welcome back. There’s also that dude that likes to fantasize about The Fool masturbating. Plus Righteous Bubba and many other Sadlynaughts who have stalked me all over the intertubes. And all my many other fans here at Sadly, Blow.!

It’s good to be home, bitchiz!

I know all you punk bitchetz were waiting for me!

Now excuse me for a second while I squeeze one off.

Dude, if you send me $50 I’ll send you some pictures, so you can finally get some “satisfaction”.

In the meantime, maybe this will help:

8=====D

That’s actual size, BTW. I’m very proud of my pencil-hood.

You just can’t stop talking ’bout my johnson, can you, bro?

I call my wee-wee “johnson” and address people as “bro” because I think it makes me sound cool.

You really think so?

“it makes me sound cool”

Now that you mention it, I guess you’re right!

But dude can you go by a gay porn mag or something because I’m getting kind of creeped out about being the constant object of your endless masturbation fantasies.

Yeesh, who put a nickel in fuck-knuckle here? I couldn’t fit ’em all onscreen to grab ’em!

Sport is fucked up and it’s better to leave it that way and use it as a lesson.

I like Gore Vidals’ quote on the subject: “Professional athletes, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.”

To the extent that you really care about this, it’s only to get your precious Barry off the hook.

Jayson Stark is racist =>All objection to Manny is racist =>All objection to St. Barry the cheating fuckface must also be racist => Your precious baseball Jesus is resurrected.

Nice try.

I suggest waiting a few years. When Cheating ARod demolishes St. Barry’s dishonestly-gotten records… well, then it’ll still be transparent fanboyism on your part, but it’ll look more seemly.

Ha ha … this entire post and thread was just a ruse to get you to comment, HTML. Howzabout some front-page eviscerations of wingnuts, now that you’re out of bed?

But to address your point – no, all objection to Manny (or Barry) is not racist. But objection to Manny while giving a free pass to Pettitte, while it may not be racist, it’s certainly odd.

I love baseball. I absolutely love pretty much everything about it. I can think of few things better than watching my beloved World F. Champion Phillies. I suppose either you like it or you don’t. But I am incredibly sick of the steroid hoopla.

People like Jayson Stark act like baseball is a perfect game that has never been tainted or had any kind of problems before, ever. This is not true. If the game was not tainted when it was segregated, when the hell was it tainted? Stark seems to think that people like Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi are the devil incarnate for having juiced. Ty Cobb is in the Hall of Fame and he fucking stabbed a black night watchman once for being “uppity.” Segregation excluded many fine black players, so how are the numbers from that period of time not tainted? How many major leaguers would Satchel Paige have struck out if he hadn’t had to play in the Negro Leagues for so much of his career? Segregation meant that there was no equal playing field, which is pretty close to cheating.

I think what pisses me off the most is that the Jayson Starks and Buster Olneys of the world simply cannot recognize that we as fans bear a great deal of responsibility for all of this. Baseball was teetering on the brink after the 1994 strike. No one was showing up for games. And then suddenly two supermen named Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa started belting home runs. We didn’t ask how they were doing it. Brady Anderson mysteriously hit 50 HR one season, which was more than twice his single season career high to that point and something he never did again. Barry Bonds gained like 50 pounds of muscle and murdered the ball at one of the biggest parks in the country, breaking the all-time HR record in the process. Baseball revenue skyrocketed, and we just sat there and demanded more until one day the moral arbiters of the world decided that all this was due to steroids, and that steroids were baaaaaad. And baseball fans decided to turn on our baseball players all of a sudden. No one wants to face up to the fact that we enabled these guys. By paying attention, going to games and by giving money to MLB, we encouraged these guys to juice. It’s incredibly hypocritical, and until we face up to it, this mess won’t really go away.

“To the extent that you really care about this, it’s only to get your precious Barry off the hook.”

What does Barry Zito have to do with this???

What does Barry Zito have to do with this???

I thought he meant Barry the Talking Sprout.