Ad Praesens Ova Cras Pullis Sunt Meliora1


Shorter Ramesh Seamus Ponurru, S.J., O.P., J.D., PhD, O.B.E., America’s Shittiest Website™
Torture and Abortion

  • Embryonic stem cell research is far worse than torture because philosophers like St. Thomas Aquinas2 condemned baby killing but said nusquam nunquam3 about torture, meaning that stem cell research is clearly wrong, while torture is not always clearly wrong. Also, all embryos are innocent human beings.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

1“Eggs today are better than chickens tomorrow.” – Latin Proverb

2 A little known fun fact about St. Thomas Aquinas is that he said this: “Since forgers and other malefactors are summarily condemned to death by the civil authorities, with much more reason may heretics as soon as they are convicted of heresy be not only excommunicated, but also justly be put to death.”

3 “Nothing ever”


Comments: 45

The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

Right! Those “detainees” were only going to be thrown in the garbage anyway, so who cares if we torture them? Say, are you going to eat that fat?


Right-wing Jesus supports capital punishment, tax cuts, torture, and bombing foreigners.

Not to mention, He enjoys reading the works of Ayn Rand.

Gary Butthurt

The fact is, John must sleep on the wet spot.


To badly mangle a Terry Pratchett saying, perhaps Ramesh could introduce his scribble to the concept of nullus illumintus*

* Put it where the sun don’t shine.


The poster boy for nasty brutish and short.

Clearly, though, the Party of Death is too weak-willed for torture.


In the photo, has he got a rat coming out of his left ear? Jesus that would hurt.


The Corner is in my comedy folder, and I happened to read Ramesh’s gem before encountering your summary.

It is still a wonder to me that you can read this shit all the time. All I could think when I read Ramesh’s apology to torturers everywhere was, “Wow, he’s digging deep, and is clearly one of those overeducated fuckheads who can articulately rationalize his tortured (!) logic like the wingnut pro he is.”

I still don’t get it. Why can’t we waterboard these people to see what their real attitudes and opinions are? Surely whatever they said would be completely reliable.

Sean Hannity, step up like a Man!


So, we’ve got Punuru forming a cute little ‘O’ with his mouth, while Charlie McCarthy tries to push out an ‘F.’

Maybe we can develop a new game. Let’s call it Wingnut Semaphore.

Line up pictures of a series wingnuts, and try to decipher the words based on the letters formed by their purty little mouths. As an example, Punuru + McCarthy = “Of.”


Suggested caption: “Not pictured: John Derbyshire’s erect penis.”


Rightwingsnarkle, you remind me of a recent South Park episode, in which all the young girls invited backstage to meet the Jonas Bros. spend a little time bemoaning the idea that the JB’s want the girls to blow them, only to open their mouths in perfect cartoon circles when the JB’s show up to talk to them.

Comedy gold. And that’s not even counting Mickey Mouse as a sadistic greedy mofo.


Oh God. “They believe in a talking dead guy!”


Dear wingnuts.

Reason attests that there are objects of the human act which are by their nature “incapable of being ordered” to God, because they radically contradict the good of the person made in his image. These are the acts which, in the Church’s moral tradition, have been termed “intrinsically evil” (intrinsece malum): they are such always and per se, in other words, on account of their very object, and quite apart from the ulterior intentions of the one acting and the circumstances. Consequently, without in the least denying the influence on morality exercised by circumstances and especially by intentions, the Church teaches that “there exist acts which per se and in themselves, independently of circumstances, are always seriously wrong by reason of their object”. The Second Vatican Council itself, in discussing the respect due to the human person, gives a number of examples of such acts: “Whatever is hostile to life itself, such as any kind of homicide, genocide, abortion, euthanasia and voluntary suicide; whatever violates the integrity of the human person, such as mutilation, physical and mental torture and attempts to coerce the spirit; whatever is offensive to human dignity, such as subhuman living conditions, arbitrary imprisonment, deportation, slavery, prostitution and trafficking in women and children; degrading conditions of work which treat labourers as mere instruments of profit, and not as free responsible persons: all these and the like are a disgrace, and so long as they infect human civilization they contaminate those who inflict them more than those who suffer injustice, and they are a negation of the honour due to the Creator”.

Veritatis Splendor, Pope John Paul II

Now shut up.


You’re not the bossa me, Andrew! I’ll just convert AGAIN to Red State non-denominational evangelicalism and start calling the Pope the Antichrist! Nyah!


I would say that there’s something very very wrong with these people, but I would need to use a word much more like “everything” instead of “something”.


Pope JP II was a pussy, and Pope Nosferatu will clean his shit UP.


So he hates torture and all, he just can’t be bothered to devote a whole column to it because there are just so many more important things to write about… like say, a wandering narcissistic piece on how torture leaves him feeling kinda meh. Yeah, too bad he doesnt have the time or the column space, or he would definitely get around to denouncing torture one of these days.


Just for posterity’s sake, Chuck “The German Hammer” Krauthammer’s medical license is most desperately in need of immediate revocation.

The man is psychotically violent and extreme.

Just for the record, I feel the same way about torture that I do the death penalty. Either is OK only if *I* get to decide when either is appropriate. Someone else doing either in my name is unacceptable.

And completely unworkable in RealityLand.


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RB, you’re clearly more creative and educated (drunker?) than me.

That was funny, I think.


It’s all soulless unfunny machinery, John. I hit a button and I get 20 more.

Herr Betsy’s Weatherfish Terrine
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Intrinsic gibbons are the cutest ones so PETA is all over that.


Hilarious, RB.

One of these days I’m going to have to figure out how to work these Intertoobz.


Good lord, the JanusNode home page is gone.


In the photo, has he got a rat coming out of his left ear? Jesus that would hurt.

I am more concerned about the pickled baby godzilla in a jar, up in the top left corner of the picture.


Well, if that’s the one you’re getting all those funny…whatever they are, it’s probably your fault.

I’ve heard that the Toobz can get clogged.


Off to go night-night.

You are all a boon to society. Have a great weekend.


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I am more concerned about the pickled baby godzilla in a jar, up in the top left corner of the picture.



Chuck “The German Hammer” Krauthammer’s medical license is most desperately in need of immediate revocation.

The American Psychiatric Association has an ethics code. Hard to believe, but true.
Somewhere in that code is a clause that enjoins the members of the APA not to abuse their Godlike Powers or damage the brand by throwing around diagnoses of mental illness willy-nilly, e.g. without actually meeting the person being diagnosed. This way psychiatrists can convince themselves that they are more ethical than their Breshnev-era Soviet counterparts, who were prone to have dissidents committed for the mental illness known as ‘dissidence’.

Section 7, that’s it:
However, it is unethical for a psychiatrist to offer a professional opinion unless he/she has conducted an examination and has been granted proper authorization for such a statement.

Krauthammer’s membership was not revoked for coming up with the diagnosis of “Bush Derangement Syndrome” and applying it to a large sector of the US population. More honoured, breach, observance, etc.


“I am more concerned about the pickled baby godzilla in a jar, up in the top left corner of the picture.”

That’s not Gojirra, that’s a fetus.

Research, y’know.


Condaleeza Rice:
“And so by definition, if it* was authorized by the president, it did not violate our obligations under the Convention Against Torture.”

* “It” = any action, but waterboarding in this case.
I am not sure whether this applies to <i.all statements from the president or only to those that are issued ex cathedra.


And so by definition, if it* was authorized by the president, it did not violate our obligations

Does not apply to the Transnational Intern Blowjob Prohibition.


“And so by definition, if it* was authorized by the president, it did not violate our obligations under the Convention Against Torture.”

If the president jumped off a bridge, it would be our solemn obligation to jump off as well.

hypothetical intellectually honest wingnut

If enhanced interrogation techniques used against John McCain may have provided any useful information that could have saved one life. Certainly it was worth it.


abortion works. isnt that the new standard of whats moral these days?


I’m just trying to imagine the future applications of Rice’s Dico-ego-est argument-by-redefinition.
“And so by definition, if victory was declared by the president, subsequent movements of our troops were a timely demobilisation rather than a retreat.”
“And so by definition, if an economic boom was announced by the president, we are not currently in a depression.”


Smut Clyde: That’s no baby godzilla in that pickle jar! That’s … that’s Kermit the Frog!!! Oh My GOD what have they done now, those bastards!

Sirius Lunacy

Since we’ve brought Terry Pratchett into this thread, I must now quote Commander Sam Vimes’ postion on torture. Yoo! Listen up!

“If you are willing to do it for the ‘right’ reasons you will be willing to do it for the wrong ones.”


Obese Panther Nog? I hope the people force-feeding the panthers get all their fingers bitten off.

So, is abortion OK if the fetus tells us everything it knows?

Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico

Condaleeza Rice:
“And so by definition, if it* was authorized by the president, it did not violate our obligations under the Convention Against Torture.”

I believe I remember this… was in a movie just recent… Frost/Blitzen? Frost/Vixen (how is that not a porno yet)? Something like that, where the guy with a ‘x’ in his name says that if a president does it, it’s not a crime.

Based on a true story, apparently! Maybe from one of those crazy dictatorships in Latin America.


if a president does it, it’s not a crime.
Yes, but Nixon was claiming the power to over-rule the law-book. Rice was claiming that Presidental statements over-rule the entire dictionary.*

Nixon: Certain acts defined as torture aren’t illegal if the President says so.
Rice: Certain acts defined as torture aren’t torture if the President says so.

* Possibly including ‘the’ and ‘and’.


See those books on the shelf in back of this poorly educated Princetonite? Those are display books whose sole function is to impress the foolish. My guess is that Ramesh lifted those from Pat Robertson.


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