We Nomiwon The Sandbox

ABOVE (l-r): Charlie Smith, Whoopsie O’Walkback


Ding-dong, who’s there?

Hi [comedy pseudonym],

I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is the deadline for nominating a young, conservative activist for our College Republican of the Year award. Have you taken the time to nominate a deserving College Republican?

Why no, why no we haven’t.

So far, we’ve received 85 nominations from supporters like you. But we know, there are more exemplary students working hard to spread our conservative message that need to be identified by their peers and community. Can you help us?

Why yes! Why yes we can!

Please take a few minutes to recognize a young leader today:

http://crnc.org/activist-year

We greatly appreciate your role in our nationwide search for the College Republican of the Year.

Hooray!

Sincerely,

Charlie Smith
National Chairman
College Republican National Committee

 

Comments: 63

 
 
 

damn you, charlie smith! why must you be so ruggedly handsome?

 
 

I’m going to go with Michael Steele. Sure he’s green and has a lot to learn but that young hip hop energy he’s generating is huge. Yep, Steele all the way. Watch out!

 
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism
 

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

-Gandhi

“First they laugh at the GOP. Then they laugh at it again, because it’s pure comedy gold!”

-White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism

 
 

Damn Gavin, I’m not sure whether I should be concerned about you. I didn’t have this much energy when I was 5, or those times that I did lots of blow. Whatever’s firing your engine, I at least hope it’s healthy.

 
 

Sure he’s green

Or one of them thar “colors.”

 
 

I didn’t have this much energy when I was 5, or those times that I did lots of blow. Whatever’s firing your engine, I at least hope it’s healthy.

See, this is weird, because I stopped gulping handfuls of Adderall last week, and now everyone’s like, “What, are you on speed?”

 
 

What about that 14 year old from CPAC? Can he be an honorariaristic nominee?

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

“First they laugh at the GOP. Then they laugh at it again, because it’s pure comedy gold!”

True enough. But it occurs to be that the Redoublechins have done the anti-Gandhi:

First, they won. Then, we fought them. Now, we laugh at them.

I don’t know if it’ll ever be safe to ignore them, though.

 
 

Gavin M: National treasure.

 
 

OK, I’d like to nominate Ashley, but maybe I’m dense about the questionaire, like whose information to provide at the end. I mean, she never gave me her phone number.

Agree with Sarah. But he wasn’t the guy who, you know, tried to provide a bit of stimulus to some of his dozing Republican friends, was he?

 
 

Oops, quick clarification needed. When they say “College Republican” does that require being home schooled through one’s early 20’s?

 
 

Charlie Smith speaks.

Here’s two quick ways you can help us out. One is right now you can sign up for email updates from the College Republican National Committee.

It looks like that’s already been done.

And two, if you can, please consider donating 5, 50, or even 500 dollars to the College Republican National Committee.

Yeah, right.

 
NutellaonToast
 

See, this is weird, because I stopped gulping handfuls of Adderall last week, and now everyone’s like, “What, are you on speed?”

I think that that means that you have ADD. That’s that.

 
 

Ah, fuck. I just learned that my former boss’s 26 year old only son died in his sleep Monday night. She is devastated.

Fuck. So sad to learn a good one is gone.

 
 

I’m still stuck on [comedy pseudonym].

I’m pretty sure [comedy pseudonym] is the most upright, rigid, stiffest, rock-hard young Republican I’ve ever known.

If modesty prevents [comedy pseudonym] from nominating himself, maybe he could use a fake name as a cover.

 
 

I’d like to see a karaoke singoff of Sister Christian before I make a decision. Is this doable?

Also, what are their thoughts on #tcot?

 
 

I nominate myself. I’ve spent literally minutes vaguely hassling internet strangers on a liberal comedy blog. Who can say, candidly, that they’ve done more?

 
 

Every time I see #tcot I try to remember what it is.

Ususally it’s Two Conservatives One Teacup, but the options are massive. Swollen, even.

 
Henry Holland
 

damn you, charlie smith! why must you be so ruggedly handsome? have that cold, dead stare common to serial killers?

FTFY.

 
Henry Holland
 

Well, fuck you S!N preview function for indicating that my strike through was going to work.

 
 

[strike] for the win [/strike], Henry.

[s] and [/s] are fickle preview mistresses.

 
 

and now everyone’s like, “What, are you on speed?”

Gavin is enlivened with energy.

 
 

No problem. Just strip the suit, shirt, bikini briefs, socks and shoes off him and he’ll have no trouble getting all 17 votes from the Log Cabin boys…

 
 

We gunna organdise a BIG vote for Bristol Palin or even Levi? Theys worth it.

 
 

First entry on Charlie Smith’s CV is his membership of well-known astroturf grouping, ‘Highschool Students for the Responsible Use of Steroids”.

 
 

Is “Charlie Smith” his porn name?

 
 

Well, it’s certainly, my pr0n name.

 
 

isn’t every college republican involved in a fake “liberals beat me up” scandal?

 
 

We all know that I am slow, but what am I supposed to do when I get to that link?

 
 

t4toby: Well, you could ridicule the spelling:

“What goals has he nominee set for the year ahead? *

How will you continue to be a succesful activist on your campus or in your community going forward?”

 
 

I’m with you t4, I’m waiting for a good ratfuck candidate.

How ’bout that purty Mixx California?

 
 

Oh Jeez, the answer was staring me right in the, er, face all the time: Ashley Todd.

Okay, a write-in deluge for dear Ashley:

Name: Ashley Todd
State: Texas
College: Texas A&M
Position: bottom
Leadership roles: Political organizer. Canvassed for McCain in Pittsburgh.
Activism: Creative storyteller. Draws people in.
What makes her a Pubbie: Her devotion to truth and justice
Goals: To work closely with police and mental health workers.
Email: mike.hunt@aandm.edu

 
 

A Pubbie???? Ewwwww.

Ew.
Ew.
Ew.

 
 

Oh, g, sorry to hear that – 26 is way too young to die.

Although if Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh had died at 26, the world might be a nicer place.

 
Michael Rotch
 

Yeah, you guys think you’re so funny with your fake names.

 
 

I too, submitted the young Miss Todd for College Republican of the Year:

Name: Ashley Todd

State: Texas

College: Texas A&M

Position: Scribe

Leadership roles: Ashley’s always willing to go the extra mile, and stand up for truth, even in the face of ad- and “di-versity.”

Activism: Unwavering truth-teller, hands-on activism.

Republican qualities: Impeccable penmanship.

Goals: To show that no court-ordered psychologist can stop a dedicated College Republican from exposing, or inscribing, the truth.

Email: info50@davidduke.com

 
 

Yeah, there were so many stellar candidates, but in the end I had to go with Ashley too.

(717) 231-3828 is a good number, I’ve always felt.

 
 

I believe in Harvey Dent.

 
 

I just like to show up at College Republican meetings dressed as a military recruiter and watch them all run.

 
 

Recent tweets from CR blogger Tierra:

Soccer practice on the National Mall in an hour. #motorcade!
about 15 hours ago from web

Slapping the interns around. [!!! – j]
about 22 hours ago from web

Back at home after a day at Liberty University. Winding down to LOST.
8:06 PM Apr 29th from web

http://twitpic.com/47o9i – Taking the necessary precautions against the swine flu.
9:24 AM Apr 29th from TwitPic

Always fan of free breakfast. [! – j]
7:54 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

Finally going to bed. Big day tomorrow. My uniform is prepped. My crocs are ready. Showtime in t-minus 8 hours.
12:01 AM Apr 29th from TwitterFon

47 more miles until Lynchburg, VA.
7:17 PM Apr 28th from TwitterBerry

PEACE OUT Specter!

It’s like they live in this culture – Lost, crocs, staying outside the gravitational boundaries of Lynchburg – but not. At the same time.

But wait hold on. After my initial amazement at the amount of announcing-mileage-to-conservative-stronghold devices the Republicans are funding, I noticed this ominous tweet:

Prepping for Operation Waiting Game…
4:10 PM Apr 27th from web

To which “hard-working, independent Republican” RobbieChampion responds:

@TierraBeara goin to the post office?
4:34 PM Apr 27th from web in reply to TierraBeara

Oh well. No, wait…

@robbiechampion hahaha nice guess! It’s actually a new project we are putting together….
5:10 PM Apr 27th from TwitterFon in reply to robbiechampion

What is this “Operation Waiting Game” the nefarious College Republicans have planned, and I wonder what the time horizon is on that? Also, these conventions are biennial, which iirc means they happen nine times a month…so whatever it is, I’m sure we won’t have to wait long.

 
 

Is Moran McMoran of Moran State nominated?

 
 

I nominated William Ayers, University of Illinois at Chicago.

I sure hope they give him due consideration…. I listed that he deserves this high honor due to the fact that he fits the highest & most noble Republican position of being willing to bomb his political enemies into oblivion.

On that level alone, he is one with them.

 
 

Once upon a time a long time ago in a place far away from where I live now, but not wholly disconnected from reality, a fellow freshman and I dropped in on an ROTC class in Ann Arbor, just to see what they did. Of course, we were non-male outsiders, and security was called, and stern men stared at us very sternly, and we probably got on a list that still exists to this day.

But I haven’t even considered dropping in where I’m not wanted in ages. Major Kong, I like that military recruiter gig. I could never go as one, being older and frumpy and non-male, but surely there’s some gentle havoc to be wrought in some other way. Street theater. It’s all coming back to me now. Ooh. I also remember I was really, really obnoxious. I’d better make some tea and think about this.

And g: I’m so sorry to hear that sad news.

 
 

College Republican of the Year
Ashley Todd

Pennsylvania

Position in College Republicans:

Mascot

Tell us about leadership roles the nominee has taken on campus:

Ashley has served bravely as GOP mascot, despite having a serious learning disability (dyslexia) -her loyalty and dedication to the party is #1!

Tell us about succesful activism on campus:

Most notably, bravely fighting off a negro-attacker-breast-fondling-maniac…with her FACE!!!11!!!1

What makes your nominee a Republican?:

Her meticulous attention to detail; high level of ingenuity coupled with a razor edge intelligence

What goals has (t)he nominee set for the year ahead?:

The nominee has set many goals ahead for the coming year, just nothing that can be discussed in a public forum at this time. Meet her at the coffee shop on the corner across from the Walmart for details. Do not wear a wire.

 
 

>First, they won. Then, we fought them. Now, we laugh at them.

This is quite brilliant. I would only slightly amend it to say “Now, we laugh at them, but eventually we will get bored and start to ignore them.”

 
 

I almost pity young Goopers – right about now they must feel like Hitlerjugend in Berlin circa April 1945, about to go plink at Soviet T-34s with their Daddy’s rusty old Mauser while the next artillery salvo comes to greet them. Sucks hard to be you, kid.

I just like to show up at College Republican meetings dressed as a military recruiter and watch them all run.

That is cruel, vicious & sadistic – I know it is, because it made me LOL like a motherfucker.

 
 

The Craig’s List Killer was a member of the college republicans…ima nominate him.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

47 more miles until Lynchburg, VA.

No sleep ’til Lynchburg!

 
 

Sucks hard to be you, kid.

That’s OK. Young Goopers are trained to suck hard.

 
 

No sleep ’til Lynchburg!

NO SLEEP AT ALL!!

 
 

Is Charlie Smith secretly the last Hapsburg? Non-speculation, irresponsibility, etc.

 
 

Looks more like Ann Coulter with a bad dye-job.

 
DICKERSON3870
 

OMG! Guys who wear those English-style contrasting white collars (like Tony Blankley and Charlie Smith) get me so hot. Be still my heart! (LOL)

 
 

It’s almost like your tempting us to click on that link and make a joke submission.

How do you submit the damn thing.

 
 

yeah, someone nominate Markoff – he was a College Pub, before he branched off into killing.

 
 

Ashley, dear Ashley, got my vote. And I’m loving that bit of Forum-esque crap writing on redstate citied above. All I needed at the end was a little bit about how the three of them went down on each other in an orgy of cock-snortling glee, right there in the middle of Borders.

 
 

I thought it was pretty obvious we were supposed to nominate Ashley, so that’s what I did. Told them she was a shining example of the sort of leadership provided by College Republicans everywhere, her strong points were her honesty and integrity, etc.

I laid it on pretty thick. Think they’ll buy it?

Oh, and I loved this from Warner Todd:

One was a perfectly representative slacker type. Baseball cap on backwards, sports jersey, reedy mustache, and the newest sports gym shoes revealed his personae. His friend was a backpack sporting, ponytailed wearing, be-speckled type with sandaled feet poking out of the bottom of his torn jeans.

Possibly the least likely characters since Tom Friedman’s cab driver. They certainly put plenty of detail into their imaginary friends, I gotta give ’em that.

 
 

Is Charlie Smith secretly the last Hapsburg?

Nah. That’s Norm Coleman.

 
 

Barry is a funny guy, why not go around his zone. dofus power leveling

 
 

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