Media/Whores Offline

Photojournalist Jim Lowney accidentally crashes the Open Source Media™ launch party:

Fuming, I bitched to Blair about the self-important clown while pulling on a Marlboro. Blair told me to forget about it. The guy probably had too much wine. Whatever, he wasn?t worth the energy. Besides, the beautiful Filipino woman who asked for a light was far more worthy of attention.

Blair and I talked much nonsense with the beauty as we smoked. He said we were in business together.

?What kind of business?? she asked.

?Big business,? he lied.

?Oh, I like big,? she smiled.

I don?t think Blair caught that and I let it pass but I was a little concerned when he invited the beauty to join us for a drink. One Gray Goose Sea Breeze with a splash of orange for her, and I moved to scotch.

?So, would you like to come back to my hotel?? she quietly asked me as we stood in a group of bloggers.


No, it couldn’t be. As we know, Michelle is away from home on a book tour this week, and… Um. Yes. Uh-oh.

Soon Blair and I were chatting with the beauty again.

?So what do you do?? he asked her.

?Anything,? she smiled

?No, I mean how do your earn money??

?I believe she already answered that question,? I piped in.

She just smiled, still looking for a ride back to her hotel, and for the first time ever I saw Tim Blair speechless.

Once he was able to talk again, Blair and I went outside once more for a smoke. The bloggers faded away from the bar and the beauty thanked us for the drink and said good night. I watched her walk away up Lexington alone and realized she was the only person I had meet at the Open Source Media after-party who was truly open and who had a solid business plan.

To get to the bottom of this shocking tale, we tried that ‘Just Google It’ thing that Michelle’s little substitute blog henchlings are all excited about.


You’re supposed to click on it, and it does a Google search for the words, ‘Clinton,’ ‘Iraq,’ and ‘1998’ — proving for certain that Bill Clinton is bad, and George W. Bush is good, as many have long suspected. Apparently, Bill Clinton said that Iraq had WMDs back in 1998, during his whole inspections-and-bombing thing that apparently destroyed all the WMDs that weren’t there in 2003. And voila, there you go. (We leave the rest of the logic as an exercise for the reader.)

Anyway, since this Googling-it method has proven so effective, we changed the search terms to ‘Malkin’ and ‘prostitute.’

And the following popped up right at the top of the page. The English language is a wonderful thing. Who knew that ‘malkin’ was even a word?

–MALKIN, “untidy female, slut, lewd woman (1500), woman of lower classes, name of a female demon” (1200). MALKIN TRASH (1698), “one in a rueful dress”. Cf. Skt. MALA, “moral or physical dirt, impurity, original sin”. This same word also refers to a dirty garment or kind of brass. Also consider Skt. MALIMLUCH, “thief, a particular demon”; it seems that the two Sanskrit words have merged together into English, most likely via more-modern Hindu languages.

So there, that proves it. We’ll be sure to link to the divorce papers when they’re filed.


Comments: 13


He said “beautiful”. Can’t be her.


Jim’s got some problems, man. Serious. Fucking. Problems.


I thought it meant “cat,” as in “grimalkin.” They all fit.


Auguste knew it was a word. And for that matter, so did I.


I’m astonished that she didn’t find business there.


MM is beautiful…if you’re into REALLY rough sex.

“Whips and chains m’dear?”



hot like an iron


I went to college with Michelle but somehow I never met her.

Now, Liz Phair I did meet once at a party – much hotter!


I thought it was just “merkin” with a funny accent.


Auguste knew it was a word. And for that matter, so did I.

Seriously. Quit calling attention to my clever tagline.


Moonie Times headline, “‘HO Discovers That Bloggers Have Little Pocket-Change for Sucky-Sucky.” Photos, page 6.


Malkin just completely blew her stack. She is PISSED.


What, at us?

So the standard throwing-Michelle-into-a-concentration-camp jokes never hit home, but this one did?


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