Makin’ New Friends!
The best thing about Pajamas Media Open Source Media is that they’ve introduced me to a whole bunch of right-wing bloggers that I otherwise would’ve never read (mostly because they really suck, but that’s another story). So for your enjoyment, I’m going to review some of these new-found treasures and grade them in various categories, including their blind allegiance to President Bush, their paranoid hatred of the media, and their belief that they’re an oppressed minority despite controlling all three branches of the federal government. Bonus points will be awarded for poor spelling, punctuation and syntax. Let’s get started!
Contestant #1: Brutally Honest.
How he describes his blog:”Plain thoughts, delivered roughly.” Sounds kinky! Someone book this guy on O’Reilly’s show!
Who he is: ‘Ricksteroni’ is an Episcopalian defense contractor and former Republican campaign manager.”
I listened to pieces of [President Bush’s Veterans’ Day speech] myself and my immediate response was “it’s about damned time Mr. President”. […] More President Bush… more of this… hammer this home, daily if you have to… take this fight, this honorable and necessary fight, to the moonbats and their accomplices in the Main Stream Media and nail them with the truth. This is long overdue and in my view is part of the larger war on terrorism. The left has dominated the venue, filling the airways and print media with one half truth and whole lie after another and it’s time, past time, that they are exposed and that they are indeed being unpatriotic about it.
And let’s hope that the spineless Republicans in the Senate and the House will follow suit. Yes, I mean spineless. The Republican party has done one seriously crappy job of countering the Democrats on the war, on budget issues, on judicial appointments and on leading this country. They’ve done everything they can do to bolster those who say there’s not a dime’s bit of difference between the parties. It’s time to grow a set of guhnads and take on the loonie left, their moonbat friends and the mouthpiece that is the MSM.
Blind allegiance to Bush? Check. Irrational hatred of the media? Check. Feeling victimized despite controlling all three branches of government? Ooooh, you betcha that’s a “check!”
Bonus points: Misspelled “loony.” Also, he seems indifferent to the fact that this cartoon makes him look like a raging nut bag:
Verdict: Moderate-to-strong crazy. He gets six out of ten wingnuts.
Contestant #2: Swanky Conservative.
How he describes his blog: “Politics, Middle East and current events?with a twist.” And the twist is… actually, there is no twist. He sounds just like all the other mindless drones who get their news from Powerline and LGF.
I?ve sent back my contract to Pajamas Media, or Open Source Media – as it seems to be now called, but I haven?t heard back from them.
I can’t say I’m surprised.
I like the idea of this and I really think we?re just seeing the beginning of real change in the way we get our information.
Oh, it’ll be a change, all right- a change for the retarded.
MSM has no clue what?s about to happen.
Indeed. While the cowardly MSM are risking their lives in Iraq, little do they suspect that a cabal of overweight nerds is fiendishly plotting their demise by excerpting Mark Steyn columns and bravely adding a solemn “Heh” at the end of each one.
Bonus Points: His name is similar to our beloved Pastor Swank. But other than that, nothing special.
Verdict: Run-of-the-mill wingnuttery. I expected far better from OSM. I give him three wingnuts.
Contestant #3: Egoist.
How he describes his blog: “Reason, egoism, laissez-faire capitalism.” Sounds like a Randian to me. And you know what they tend to look like:
“Worst. Objectivist blog. Ever.”
His Winning Entry (this one’s a doozy):
Will McCain Become a Republican John Kerry?
John F. Kerry had the advantage, having been in the military, of being able to pose as a patriot while actually serving as the Democratic Party’s anti-war candidate in the last presidential election. Some recent news about John “F.” McCain seems to indicate that this possible 2008 candidate may have an even better cover: He, too, is a veteran, but he is also a member of the supposedly — based on recent Senate activity — pro-war Republican Party.
If so, why is he proposing legislation that would make it illegal to torture prisoners of war?
Yes, because opposing torture is the most unpatriotic thing an American can do. In fact, the Founding Fathers were so enamored with cruel and unusual punishment that they expressly condoned it in the Eighth Amendment.
I am personally happy to hear that we have imprisoned 83,000 possible terrorists over the past four years and, unlike this reporter, I am unsurprised that so many are Arab males. That is, not coincidentally, what many terrorists are.
Interestingly, the victims of Islamic terrorism were never mentioned, only being alluded to when the phrase “9/11 attacks” was used late in the article. Some, apparently, are forgetting why we’re at war.
Because we want to torture Arabs?
Bonus Points: Does he really need any? The guy just came out an endorsed torture.
Verdict: Everything you could want from an OSM blogger. He gets the max ten wingnuts.
Only three? Woohoo! Golf rules, right? Well I aim to please. I’ll give ya a clink of the martini glass for having a post that references the Chewbacca Defense. Very nice.
Cheers, sir. I’m glad to see you can take some good-natured ribbing, unlike some conservative bloggers out there (COUGH! SONDRA K!! COUGH!).
What’s with making mainstream two words and then captializing them?
Hysterical Woman-
I Dun No.
“guhnads”?
Attention Troll Mates:
Don’t take the bait!
Hi. I’m the founder of
Trollaholics Anonymous, which began way back on November 17, 2005.
So far, there are only 3 active members—namely me, myself, and I. However, while this entry may signal a relapse, I assure you, we’re all on the same page, and all on the road to recovery.
So, the next time you’re tempted to become a victim of this place of vile vitriol and vetuperative venom, think again.
Don’t thread where angels fear to tread!
Booooo, Doc! I was workin’ on getting you some playmates! 😉
This is why Digital Rights Management Media is going to be such a paradigm-altering blowout success. The blue-chip advertisers they’re targeting, all-American brands like Coca Cola and IBM, will be falling over themselves to associate themselves with fine patriotic gentlemen like Egoist. After all, if Coke doesn’t stand for torturing foreigners, what does it stand for?
Just what the fuck is an Episcopalian defense contractor? Does he deal in communion wafers, candles and incense?
Brad, you’ve been my pusher, and you’ve been good at it, but, though I’m presently in the throes of withdrawal, I must give up the trolling. Maybe after being clean for awhile I will be able to handle social trolling, but as for now, I must begin the painful process of abstinence. I must exercise the utmost retraint as it concerns my Appetite for Destruction. I must engage in willful avoidance of this guilty pleasure. I must curtail my second greatest passion. Yes, I may have to face some long, lonely nights, but I want to respect myself in the morning.
Now, back to you troll mates. There is still room in the group for you. Yes, even you! Simply call:
1-800-EXX-TROLL
By the way, I think Jesus’s General should “borrow” Ricksteroni’s logo.
Open Source gold mine?
taunt them. mercilessly.
oh, the duke of sandwich is leaving.
again
you mark his words
he won’t be back.
Sure he will be. He knows where he’s loved 😉
mdhatter is right, though left. If this is love, I’d hate to see hate. Although admittedly, it is a slow withdrawal, it is a withdrawal nevertheless. This sandwich has been bitten one two many times. Once bitten, twice, BYE!
No, don’t leave, Doc! If you leave we will remain forever stagnant in our groupthink! If you leave the troll population will be reduced to occasional drop-ins from idiots like SondraK and CraigC.
Not only is egoist endorsing torture, but he apparently can’t understand why a man who was a prisoner of war would oppose it. Special.
The wingnut scale is a keeper, i think it should be applied to all posts. Pastor Swank would go to 11.
I’m not taking the bait, Big Worm. This is my final comment, and that’s final!
Sondrak and CraigC, if you’re out there somewhere, there is still room for you in Trollaholics Anonymous. Giving it up really isn’t that difficult if you follow this simple rule:
If you get flogged, don’t blog!
The wingnut scale is a keeper, i think it should be applied to all posts. Pastor Swank would go to 11.
I agree. Pastor Swank is the Spinal Tap of right-wing punditry.
OSM: Putting fish in a barrel since November 2005. I’m afraid all these nutters in one spot may deplete our vital snark reserves.
another nut in favor of the withdrawl method, oh boy
Not only is egoist endorsing torture, but he apparently can’t understand why a man who was a prisoner of war would oppose it.
A prisoner of war who was himself subjected to torture, yet!
In my mind, the Egoists get extra points for enthusiastically calling for secret imprisonment and torture on the same page as pornographic blogads and a bodybuilding “book of the month.” But I must also point out that in this case it took three lunatics to achieve the coveted ten wingnuts; individually, they may only be worth seven or eight wingnuts apiece.
And “Swanky Conservative” just lost a wingnut from my personal scorecard for actually showing up and bringing his sense of humor. And I’m considering dropping half a wingnut for having a link to a Kashmir earthquake map and half for noting (in the context of anti-gay-marriage Prop 2 passing in Texas), “Politics and religion mixing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
That’s only one wingnut — that’s not even as mendacious as Andrew “Once Upon an Oakeshottian” Sullivan. Hell, that’s down in Russell Kirk or Hayek territory. Goddamn principled conservatives giving the right back its good name.
More President Bush… more of this…
“More of this”? Unintended irony, given that Bush’s November 11th speech was just a rehash of his previous speeches? Check.
“…pieces…More President Bush… more of this… hammer this home…nail…long…larger…dominated…filled…exposed…”
Oh, Ricksteroni your barely repressed homoeroticism makes my guhnads quiver…
Excuse me but your wingnuts appear to be left-leaning – you really should take care of that.
I feel slighted. :::sob:::
This is great, love the wingnut scale and the style of these take downs. These dudes are mostly hanging curves, but but the commentary knocks them out of the park. Keep it up!
Did you get permission from Pe-Yama Meediaz Mad-Skillz Legil Dood to use their stuff?
Remember:
The Tennessee Cracker is watching you
so he can sue
as their 3.5 mill does the old dot-com
departez-vous.
Word
What’s with making mainstream two words and then captializing them?
It looks like a strange form of reverse etymology. MSM must stand for Main Stream Media.
I think Ricksteroni deserves extra bonus points for writing two full paragraphs on Bush’s speech without once mentioning its subject or contents. I have an uncomfortable feeling that’s because he didn’t notice them. He caught the attitude and a few key words — war, terror, fight, strong, victory, war — and that was all he needed.
elgato, I’d probably disagree with you on, well, almost everything, but I’ve got to admit, you’ve shown a lot of class. If you’re not careful, you’ll take the “nut” out of wingnut. And you’re right, when we’re being non-ironic, golf scoring definitely applies.
Huh. This is at least the thirteenth post since Dr. BLT “withdrew” from here. Maybe this time, he actually means it! Eh, whatever. Even if most of the posts around here fail to surmount 50 comment posts, at least the comments will have more of a tendency to stay focused on the subject matter at hand! Like, for instance, the way I’ve wandered OT here, now.
Oops.
Where were we?
Oh, yes–Little Green Snotballs, jr. AKA, 150 Wingnuts, Lightly Seasoned with David Corn. Yecch. “No, no, we’re neither conservatives OR liberals,” they whine. Let’s give it a few months (assuming it lasts that long), and then do a head-count. Wingnut, wingnut, wingnut, wingnut, wingnut, wingnut… I’m sure it’ll still be …150 Wingnuts, Lightly Seasoned with David Corn. Feh.
Bonus snark:
The cartoon image of wingnut#1 has the unfortunate effect of not-so-much making him look tough, as it has of making him look like “Guhnads, the Groundhog with Anti-Aircraft Weapons,” my new favorite kid-vid show.
And any similarity to Mike Dukakis, circa 1988, is purely coincidental.
Dr. BLT will be missed, but we’ll have the memories: Of his unique musical stylings. His ability to ramble on and on and on about a single bit of minutiae while failing to grasp a relevant point. His uncanny knack for dodging any question he’s too dense to answer. His ability to insult gays (and others) with realizing how. And of course that picture posted here, in which he looks like he was on his way to a zoot suit riot but got lost…at a Chuckie Cheeze.
These dudes are mostly hanging curves,
That’s mostly the point. I’d have to do some actual research if I wanted to take on, say, George Will. And really, there are any so many hours in the day…
filling the airways and print media with one half truth and whole lie after another
Although it’s really the least of his problems, you’d expect a denfense contractor to have a better grasp of fractions.
OSM, the flypaper of wingnuttery.
I appreciate the obituary, Bill, but rumors of the death of this troll have been greatly exaggerated. In short: The ‘wich is back!
Not really. I’ve just temporarily fallen off the wagon. Besides, I wanted to offer this parting gift to some of my fans here (that’s right, I don’t assume you all hate me), some only bait me.
This was inspired by the movie previews for Walk the Line, the new movie about the life of Johnny Cash that will be showing for the first time today. It was also inspired by the few but fierce liberal lions who have viciously attacked me at this site. The song is called “Walk the Lion.” The lion in this song, can be metaphorically applied to anyone or anything that stands in the way of holding to one’s principles and deepest convictions. In my case, this means the liberals who would seek to devour and discredit me, but, instead, discredit themselves with their vicious, vituperative, venemous, vile vitriol. Johnny Cash is my hero because he was able to be friends with both left-wingers and right-wingers. He was a uniter, not a divider. Here is your access to:
Walk the Lion
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/WOK.mp3
While you’re at it, just for today, help yourself to all of the Johnny Cash tribute tunes that are available at my newly designed Free MP3 Jukebox from my forthcoming Blackout CD:
http://www.drblt.com.htm
One day, when you least expect it, I will relapse again, but as for now, I’m hopping right back on the recovering troll wagon.
PS: Just for the record, gays and heterosexuals are sinking in the same boat in God’s eyes, the boat labeled:
“Sinners in need of salvation.” Eternal life jackets are not reserved for heterosexuals. They are given away free, like my songs, on a first come, first serve basis.
So I apologize for my noobishness but is this guy for real?
Rambling, delusional posts?
Songs?
“Sinking in Gods Eyes”?
That’s comedy gold!
Yes, lakema, he’s for real. And “rambling, delusional posts” is stunningly accurate.
As for his claim that people are seeking to devour him, that’s just a case of mistaken identity resulting from his initials.
Dr. BLT, how can we miss you if you won’t go away?
And, frankly (or frankfurterly, to continue the deli-order theme), we have a new source for hilariously clueless wingnut song stylings.
Ladies and germs, I present to you Right March!
(Finder’s fee goes to The Editors at The Open Source Poor Man.)
Dr. sliced pork belly sandwich,
How did you like “SWEET NEO-CON”??
Picture of Charles and Roger arriving at Open Source Media Media for another day of Hard Work!
http://www.lgfwatch.blogspot.com
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Hi guys. Really neat. Nana will get a kick out of it when I show her. http://alprazolam.gottaoh.com
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