A Chomsky reference by an ignorant homophobe. Go figure.

A gay waiter gave us horrible service at a restaurant a few weeks ago. That’s a valid reason for opposing gay marriage.

I forgot to say Mitch McConnell.

Yesterday a gay barista served me a croissant which pointed to mecca, so I justifiably kicked him in the groin.

Enlarged Colon (front) and Alicia Colon (rear)

by “rear”, do you mean “rectum” or just plain “ass”?

We’re not manufacturing consent for gay acceptance so much as sloughing off the generation that can’t get over their attachment to the blood taboos of an ancient, wandering desert tribe.

Call it addition by subtraction. I’d call it natural selection, but they’re not dying off because of their defect, they’re dying off because they’re old and the young people are too sick of their shit to buy into it.

Yeah. Gay is icky. Just die already, grandpa.
.

I am not going to fucking something in the ass that looks like the Shadout Mapes.

And I have no standards, mostly.
.

This poor woman suffered the indignity and shame of receiving lewd greeting cards.

I am not going to fucking something in the ass that looks like the Shadout Mapes.

Now why do you have to be so mean to Gary Bauer like that?

Oh you meant Ms. Colon. Sorry.

BWAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHA

From the model she’s holding, you can see that a colon looks like, what? That’s right, a crescent.

So clearly Alicia is a seekrit Mooslim!

Q to the E to the D, motherfuckers.

That is one dilated cutaway bright pink transverse colon she’s holding upside down there. Somebody’s not evacuating on a regular-enough basis.

In other words, she’s full of shit.

Somebody’s not evacuating on a regular-enough basis.

That explains why she was drawn to American Thinker.

I understand the impulse to make fun of this woman’s name, especially since she’s so full of it, but the name is pronounced cologne and is a perfectly respectable hispanic name.

Perhaps I’m sensitive to this because a large branch of my partner’s family is named Colon, and they’re not assholes. But wait, come to think of it, a couple of them are extremely conservative ex-Marine inhabitants of Texas, so maybe the name is appropriate in the lower intestinal way.

Hmmm . . . (withdraws to ponder)

What is really interesting is that at one time she apparently had an art career. I’d like to see what her idea of art looks like.

“I am prepared to be vilified once again for having said so.”

A submissive homophobe. So basically this is all foreplay.

What is really interesting is that at one time she apparently had an art career. I’d like to see what her idea of art looks like.

In keeping with Sadly, No!’s high standards of customer care, your wish is our command:

http://www.geocities.com/~aliciacolon/gallery.html

“When longtime ABC radio newsman, George Weber, was found murdered in his Brooklyn apartment on March 23, the shocking news was reported widely in the press. Once it was learned that he had been slain by a 16-year old he recruited for sex via craigslist the story was dead by March 25th.”

So, when the local radio guy was killed it was a story because it was an unsolved crime. Two days later the killer confesses. No mystery, no story. This former reporter for The SI Advance really knows how news works.

Thanks Tintin

Exploding flower head lady seems autobiographical to me.

I’d like to see what her idea of art looks like.
————————————————————————
In keeping with Sadly, No!’s high standards of customer care, your wish is our command:

Aiieee! Psychedlic Islamobabes!

Oddly enough, googling “George Weber” returns as the second link a story from the 25th, updated on the 26th. The news page has more recent articles, including one from yesterday. I say “odd” because she mentions the internets in regards to the case, so you’d have thought she knew how to use it.

The sammich picture may have been usurped.

Certainly any murder is one too many but this number pales in comparison to deaths in “the hood.”

Also, Black people are more violent than heterosexuals.

Yeah I saw that Snorghagen. Exploding cottage and exploding flower vase plus the psychedelic doodles.

Dr. Freud is going to need several sessions I think.

I didn’t know it was Alicia Colon who did that first Thirteenth Floor Elevators album cover.

Candy: Yes, so stipulated re: pronunciation of Colon. But still, ya gotta admit it’s irresistibly risible.

Also, we don’t know how she pronounces it.

Also.

Christobal Colon would be rolling in his grave – or rather, having gangs of slaves roll him, with a new shift stepping in each time the previous one succumbed to plague.

Yes, MzNicky, it’s hard to resist indeed, like Mark the Stain.

Yesterday a gay barista served me a croissant which pointed to mecca, so I justifiably kicked him in the groin.

Did you go Galt on him as well?

I think it’s pretty sick, the way Alicia tries to impugn all gay men with a few unrepresentative examples. The most recent draft of The Agenda is very clear:

1) Infiltrate the arts, education system, and news media, befriending artsy-type women along the way and convincing them to neuter their boyfriends.

2) Invent AIDS for sympathy

3) Use our control of the media and the schools to propogandize for special rights, not granted to other deviants

4) Infiltrate Republican Party and humiliate conservatives with numerous sexcapades.

5) After decades of struggle, convince everyone to let down their guard and treat us with complete equality, so that they never expect us to…

6) RAPE AND MURDER ALL THE HETERO MENS!!!

See, WAY out of order. At the next meeting of the Executive committee, they are sure to be stripped of their sexuality ex post facto.

Also, Black people are more violent than heterosexuals.

Therefore, black homos = the worstest. ?

Grand Moff Texan–

Get this: I was watching Lynch’s Dune a few weeks ago and wondered who played Alia, Paul’s kid sister. The one who says, ludicrously at the end, in a kiddie lisp: “And how can thith be? Because he ITHH the Kwithath Haderach!”

It was the (then younger, as we all were) Alicia Witt, who partnered with Chris Noth on a season of Law and Order: CI. Ya coulda knocked me over w/ a feather.

Just for chops:

the phrase, “the manufacture of consent,” was coined by the father of the public Relations industry, Freud’s favorite nephew, and the propagandist who atught Goebbels all he knew, Edouard Bernays…

http://www.geocities.com/~aliciacolon/gallery.html\

Tintin has made us all suffer through a colonoscopy.

The delicious Alicia Witt was featured on 1980s tv show “That’s Incredible” when she was five. She showed off her photographic memory by reciting shakespeare ad infinitum. I think that’s how she came to the attention of David Lynch.

What’ she doing with a life-size model of Elvis’s intestine?

What’s, too.

Why Mr. Wonderful, I too noticed Ms. Witt the last time I watched Smithee’s Dune. She was also amusing as Cybill Shepard’s daughter in that sitcom.

And hawt. (For someone young enough to be alive long after I’m gone.)

And photographic memory smart! Whooo!

At least Alicia (Not-Witt/Nit-Wit) didn’t title her site “A Colon Unleashed.” Or “A. Colon Unleashed.”

Enlarged Colon (front) and Alicia Colon (rear)

I think that should read:
“Enlarged Colon (front) and Enraged Colon (rear)”

Theme from “A. Colon Unleashed.”

If that has an error message, this one may work.

I first read it as “Enraged Colon (front).”

That’s a heckuva bong that crazy lady is holding.

What is really interesting is that at one time she apparently had an art career.

That not art, that’s painting.

I am not going to fucking something in the ass
See also “coming to a sticky end” in the previous thread.

That’s a heckuva bong that crazy lady is holding.
Worst novelty saxophone ever.

That’s the biggest polyp I’ve ever seen growing out of that colon.

I understand the impulse to make fun of this woman’s name

Speaking of names and whether or not one should make fun of them, this woman does good work. I am a bad person.

Not even painting, mere illustration. And self-admitted doodles.

The baby looks like the father.

I am totally not going to by that flavor of bubble gum.

buy

That is a rather poorly structured argument. Judging by the title, I expect the thesis to be: Progressives are manufacturing consent for the gay agenda. So I expect to find a list of items on the gay agenda with an explanation of whether she derived them from some group’s behavior or whether they are a widely acknowledged list of goals taken from an activist’s speech or whether they come from some other source. And then I expect to find instances where activists have engaged in manufacturing consent.

Instead I read that “Gay marriage is in,” and movies about gays are insufficiently factual, unlike movies about straight people. In fact the “data” in gay movies is skewered, probably after being marinated in some fancy ass mixture of elite olive oil and vinegar, preparatory to grilling it over mesquite.

Then I read there has been insufficient media coverage of an unsolved murder of a heterosexual man where the main suspects are three gay men. (Although you do get 65,500 hits on google news for ‘robert wone Swann Street’ and all three men have been charged with obstruction of justice.) And there was a murder of a gay man by a teenager he hired for sex that was solved right away and we don’t hear enough about that either.

And then the columnist informs me that ten years ago she got insulted and received lewd mail after writing that the Boy Scouts should be able to discriminate against gays. Luckily she got nice emails from the “good” gays. I learn that it is unlikely that a gay American will end up beaten and tied to a barbed wire fence to die.

In the last paragraph there is an attempt to round up the wandering “facts” into a “conclusion.”

Facts can get in the way of marketing geared to amp up emotional rage to influence legislation benefiting the gay agenda. Advancing liberation for a homosexual lifestyle is only legitimate if truth is not sacrificed.

I must infer for myself that “manufacturing consent” is the same as “. . . marketing geared to amp up emotional rage to influence legislation benefiting the gay agenda.” But danged if I’m not still completely uninformed as to what the gay agenda IS! So how can I tell if the “facts’ get in the way or not? I can guess that it’s “Advancing liberation for a homosexual lifestyle” but that still leaves it kind of vague. Where do murder investigations of straight men by gay men fit in? If there were more murders of women by their heterosexual partners would that be a truth worth considering in the marketing geared to amp up emotional desires in women for weddings costing at least $30,000?

The last three sentences are baffling but rather heartening.

The majority of gays in America are not homeless, unemployed or living at a poverty level. Their individual civil rights are protected under traditional human rights provisions. The political pressure for gay rights legislation is a quest for political clout not for essential needs.

At this point I haven’t been presented with any evidence to prove that the majority of gays are prosperous, nor have I been informed as to what gay rights legislation Ms. Colon objects to manufacturing consent to. Still, I’m pleased to hear that Ms. Colon would support legislation to provide essential needs to any group of poor citizens. We can look forward to her help in getting a universal health care package passed.

Alicia Witt is/was teh hott, but she is probably the worst actress in America. Also.

The majority of gays in America are not homeless, unemployed or living at a poverty level.
Thass right bitch, we be livin da good life! Well, we would be if we had equal rights. In other words, what the fuck does our economic status have to do with our rights, you hateful shitpile?

Their individual civil rights are protected under traditional human rights provisions.
By which she means that many places can kick you out of your apartment for being gay. You can be fired, in many places for being gay. Hospitals are free to exclude long term partners not only from making care decisions, they can block all access. (This shit actually happens.) Doctors can refuse treatment to gay people. For being gay. I so enjoy all the protections I get from traditional human rights provisions. In other words, that’s a complete falsehood you font of flaming feces.

The political pressure for gay rights legislation is a quest for political clout not for essential needs.

Whereas your quest to right a sentence that makes any fucking is an essential need for someone to be a writer. In other words, eat shit. Dying would be a nice touch.

^sense

Please insert it between “any fucking” and “is an”. Thank you. I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused.

I’m pretty sure Bo Derek is not dead and lives in America, TKK, and the future award for worst actress will be named after Bo

And who says “political clout” isn’t an “essential need,” especially in a fucking democracy?

just did an internship where my fellow intern was a seemingly nice lady who hailed from Minnesota and had had her own radio talk show. I found out right off the bat that she was very conservative, which made her stand out like a sore colon at our poverty law clinic. At any rate, we all worked together plesantly enough with only a few sticky spots – one was where I told her I was an atheist, HAHA! – until the Iowa Supreme Court ruling on same sex marriage came down. This pushed her over the edge, and she revealed a lot.

It’s a theme I return to again and again, that of monsters with normal people masks on. She holds all of the colon’s beliefs about gays and then some. Honestly, it’s not like I’ve not been exposed to homophobes before, but they’ve mostly been of the snickery schoolkid joke variety, which of course does its own form of damage. This woman was something else again. Her ideas were just ugly.

But when it came out that her stepson is gay, that is when I began to have a hard time controlling myself. It went a long way to explaining why, at 17, he’d dropped out of school and moved out of the house. She would preface the things she’d say with, “I love my ‘son,'” and follow it right up with, “but he’s living this dirty unnatural lifestyle. He’s not really gay, because no one is. ‘Scientists’ have proven gays can change through the power of Christ.”

By the way, Sister Christian is in the third year of her third marriage. She’s never had any kids of her own. She met this unfortunate child’s Rush-addicted dad through E-Harmony. Apparently she didn’t waste any time getting rid of the kid. I feel so sorry for him. What a hell his home life must have been. Fuck’s sake. Oh, dad works at a hospital where he “sees all these filthy gays come in raddled with disease, which they just spread around to the whole community.” This is a guy in the medical field, he’s supposed to help people. Just effing great.

This shit just makes me so angry. But one of the things that struck me in her tirade was that, “Gays are just pushing for special rights so they can get our tax money.” When pressed, she couldn’t explain what she means by that, but she’s damned sure that somehow they just want to “stick their hands in my pocketbook.” What the fuck? This seems to tie in to this concept of the “gay agenda”, but it doesn’t make any sense. At all. Except it’s typical of conservatives in that everything always comes down to not wanting to share the wealth and the fear somehow, somone is going to take their precious money away.

Sorry this is so long. I’ve been so stressed by this woman. She was sneaky and underhanded, trying on several occasions to suck up at my expense. Her last day was Thursday and I hope with all my heart that I never set eyes on her sorry ass again.

Alicia Witt is/was teh hott, but she is probably the worst actress in America. Also.

Absolutely central to my point.

I learned from watching the fine classic 50’s documentary Perversions For Profit on TCM last night that the moral decay homosekshuls are spreading in America weakens our resistance to the Communist menace overseas. So there’s that.

font of flaming feces
As used in the holy sacrament of craptism.

This revelation about Alicia Witt in Dune has blown me away. By the time the movie got to that point, I was contemplating the best method to blow up the theater, so I didn’t remember what the kid looked like.

We named our basset hound after her…well, her character in Cybill. My girlfriend and I said to each other: “Zoë, that’s a good name for a basset hound.” They can’t all be named Cleo.

There was a period in the show where every conversation with her ended with “Go away, Zoë!” Therefore our dog’s full name is “go Away, Zoë.”

She’s still a fucking goddess, by the way, she was recently on Two and a Half Men.

Whereas your quest to right a sentence that makes any fucking

My own quest to right sentences involves enough fixing already.

But one of the things that struck me in her tirade was that, “Gays are just pushing for special rights so they can get our tax money.” When pressed, she couldn’t explain what she means by that, but she’s damned sure that somehow they just want to “stick their hands in my pocketbook.”

She may have heard of this lawsuit and interpreted it as “Gays wanna take my money.”

Wow. I got so steamed I wrote something so stupid it could have come directly out the Colon.

[writefully hangs head in shame]

J-

Maybe, but I get the distinct impression she thinks they’re going to get some sort of reverse wingnut welfare just for being gay, Or maybe she thinks Soros is going to fund Teh Ghey Agender.

although I guess if Soros funded it it wouldn’t take any money from Sister Christian directly. D’oh.

I’m a little tipsy.

El Cid said,
I am totally not going to buy that flavor of bubble gum.

[ files line away for the next time I meet someone carrying a giant pink transverse colon ].

There is one way to deal with a malignant Colon. American Thinker needs a colostomy.

And who says “political clout” isn’t an “essential need,” especially in a fucking democracy?

Apparently the same people who whine endlessly about how persecuted they are when they lose an election or someone wishes them happy holidays. You know, douche bags.

When pressed, she couldn’t explain what she means by that, but she’s damned sure that somehow they just want to “stick their hands in my pocketbook.”

1. she obviously keeps her PENIS in there.
2. you didn’t press her nearly hard enough if she could still talk.

This one is a walk-in colon.

Alas, for Colon I should have said cobags.

Video.

“The Gay Agender” name kind of appeals. Masked crime-fighter character, or a super-villain?

This one is a walk-in colon.
Needs more disturbing posters on the walls (pissing horses, that kind of thing).

tigrismus, you have no idea how much I wanted to press her flat. I’m proud to say that in a class we shared she and one other person were the only ones against the ruling, and they got purely trounced in the discussion, which I very vocally contributed to. Couldn’t do that at the clinic. I’m about to get my degree.

Thing is, these sorts of people always do themselves more harm than good. She let loose in a class we shared. Although the teacher is a Republican, she’s one of the few remaining sane ones. Anyway, Sis Xtian basically told the instructor that she wasn’t a true Christian.

The instructor was saying that she has gay friends and wants them to be happy. She pointed out the obvious parallel between interracial marriage and same-sex marriage.

Says Sis Xtian: “Well, this isn’t what Christians should believe. In fact, I don’t call myself a Christian anymore, I call myself a “follower of Christ.” All these wishy-washy churches that tolerate this are not following Christ’s teachings, and they call themselves Christians, so I won’t.”

This was after the instructor pointed out that her church has been performing committment ceremonies the last couple of years, and although the oldsters in the church were horrified at first, everyone calmed down and the world hasn’t ended although they’ve had several ceremonies.

It was an exquisitely delicious moment. I don’t think ms. wingnut realized what a stunningly nasty thing she’d said.

By ‘her pocketbook’ I’m sure Mrs Christian meant the fact that she pays 5% less taxes than same-sex couples. (probably more, since she gets to claim her step son as a dependent)

somehow they just want to “stick their hands in my pocketbook.” What the fuck?

This seems to be the Great Conflation Du Jour: Because the economy sux and people have lost jobs, homes, health insurance and retirement funds, anger (at someone, or something) is flaming out of control and someone must be blamed. Well, how about the usual handy targets, the Negroes (= welfare cheats) and the GAYS (= special rights, somehow, not sure but still!). “Special rights,” like so many other abstractions these days, translates automatically and knee-jerkily into “someone’s in my pocket! My tax moneh!! Must hate someone!!”

Candy, you have all my sympathy. The monsters with human masks I have worked and lived with all my life. Sites like this help me realize and continue to understand that it’s NOT ME, it’s THEM!! Also, congratulations on getting shent of the wretched nutbag.

font of flaming feces

Is this a True-Type font? I was thinking of using something like this to spruce up my resume, but I’m not sure if this would help or hurt my chances of landing a second inteview>

PeeJ: Sounded coherent and reasonable to me. ‘course, I’m drunk.

“The Gay Agender” name kind of appeals. Masked crime-fighter character, or a super-villain?

The Gay Agender surprises people on the street and does a makeover on the spot. Sort of a masked Queer Eye hit and run.

“Who was that masked man?”

“I don’t know, but don’t you look fabulous?!”

It’s pretty funny* to consider a woman on her third marriage saying pro-gay-marriage Christians are not followers of Jesus’ teachings like she is. Jesus said zip about homosexuality, but divorce, well that’s another story.

*not really funny.

Hey Smut, did you see there’s an availability calendar and rental rate sheet?!!!

Thanks, MzNicky. She was the only flaw in my ointment, so to speak. The rest of my internship was great. Liberals and leftists all ovah the place. I’d like to stay there as a regular employee, but alas, hiring freeze.

For extra verisimilitude, before people walk through that giant colon they should dress up in tapeworm fur-suits.

It looks to me like that colon has a number of suspiciously Islamic crescents in it; I am unsure of their direction, given the photo, but an analysis of kerning and light may yield vital info.

Are tapeworms furry? The stray cat we took in last fall had tapeworms and they looked more slimy than furry. Ugh.

A tapeworm fur-suit might attract Cigar Skunk. Again, ugh. And so forth.

That gives me sufficient excuse to repeat this comment from an earlier thread:

In Cigarskunk-related activities, RB links to the Wiki fursuit page, where we can read that Costumes can include makeup and reflect the wearer’s personality.

This is why I attend furry conventions dressed as roadkill.

Also, would it be too obvious to make jokes about “Life, liberty, and the fur-suit of happiness”?

Ms. Paglia answered: “The 11th commandment of the liberal mainstream media is that no evil shalt be spoken of any gay persons, who have been sanctified by their precious victim status, without which liberalism would implode.”

Yeah, that Jeff Dahmer guy’s story was BURIED by the librul media.

Yeah, that Jeff Dahmer guy’s story was BURIED by the librul media.

No liberals ever made fun of Mark Foley, either.

Smut Clyde, I adore your clever brain and quick wit. I lift my beer to you, sir.

No, I’m not going to get maudlin.

TEH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZE

It’s pretty funny* to consider a woman on her third marriage saying pro-gay-marriage Christians are not followers of Jesus’ teachings like she is. Jesus said zip about homosexuality, but divorce, well that’s another story.

Fundies are just big wads of cognitive dissonance with feet and hands and pointy little heads.

Ms. Paglia answered: “The 11th commandment of the liberal mainstream media is that no evil shalt be spoken of any gay persons, who have been sanctified by their precious victim status, without which liberalism would implode.”

Yeah, that Jeff Dahmer guy’s story was BURIED by the librul media.

And nobody EVER makes fun of Paglia’s atrocious writing either, for that matter.

They can’t all be named Cleo.

I remember those (re-runs).

P. S.: Thought for a second your meant your hound had been on 2.5 Men. Or is that what you meant? Hard to tell who’s a goddess these days.

“The Gay Agender” name kind of appeals. Masked crime-fighter character, or a super-villain?

“I don’t know, but don’t you look fabulous?!”

I dunno. It may be that the Gay Agender more closely hews to Lewis Black’s vision.

I think Pamille Caligula just forgot to qualify her statement as “any leftist or non-political gay persons.”

“I don’t know, but don’t you look fabulous?!”

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Masked Man’s a fag!

Is there a Fire Camille Paglia, or Paglia Watch? Somebody do it. You’ll never lack for material. And no, I’m not volunteering. I’m an idea guy.

Jennifer, thanks for that Lewis Black link. Made me laugh.

Oh, and Colon ends her column with:

“I am prepared to be vilified once again for having said so.”

Uh-huh. If by “prepared” she means, “eagerly anticipating.” Como se dice “disingenuous” en Espanol?

Lenny Bruce!! W00t! Kingnubu!

Is it wrong that I want to knock Colon’s and Paglia’s heads together? I imagine it would sound like a couple of empty coconuts making brisk contact.

“Font of falming feces” makes me think of the bonnacon.

or “flaming feces” even.

Hey, I have an idea. I think it’s actually a pretty good one.

If there was ever any reason to hit the streets in protest that was more important than the prospect that people who tortured others in our names will not be investigated or prosecuted because that amounts to a “political vendetta” over “policy differences”…if ever there was a scarier idea than that we will move forward under the legal precedent of torturers being allowed to skate with no consequences…then I don’t know what the fuck that reason or idea might be.

We need some goddamned outrage in the streets. Because allowing this to pass amounts to agreeing that the government has the right to do whatever the fuck it wants to do to any of us.

Compare that to a handful of weak-ass teabaggers holding pity parties because they lost. Those dumb motherfuckers go out there and whisper of their dark fears of Dark Lord Obama while defending the right of known torturers to evade justice, by whining that it’s a “political witchhunt” over “internal policy decisions”…as if there wasn’t this thing called the law.

My humble suggestion would be for the rest of us to turn out in the millions the next time the teabaggers stage one of their little kabuki productions. I mean, seriously. While they’re doing their teabagging, we can drown them out with numbers and noise demanding accountability for the torturers.

Anyone else think that’s a reasonable idea?

Eminently reasonable, Jennifer. Sign me up.

Ok Candy, you suppose I ought to start by setting up an anti-torture protest day blog or something of the like?

I just noticed she really really looks like the Duchess in the Tenniel Alice illustrations.

The nose is different, but the vibe is there.

We could send wingnuts to our congrefcritters.

Don’t worry, everyone, I’m sure Republicans will be so shamed by their exposure for torture involvement and journalists so chastened by their lack of emphasis on the story early on that it will just be completely impossible for the next hypothetical Republican regime to bring torture back.

You know, like how those nasty people caught out in Iran-Contra were shamed away from the public eye, like Elliot Abrams, or John Poindexter, or John Negroponte, or Otto Reich…

Candy: wanted to add that I grew up around such, and it is hard to take. They have a certain flatness in their face and speech, even as they are telling you about horrible things they have either done or think it’s great to do…

On top of that, bizarre eHarmony parodies will now haunt my brain for a while.

The moment our eyes met, I knew I had found someone to burn crosses with.

you suppose I ought to start by setting up an anti-torture protest day blog or something of the like?

Yes. And yours would be an actual grass-roots movement.

Speaking of grassroots, a district court judge has ordered the Iowa Pharmacy Board to consider medical marijuana. I’m liking my home state better and better.

Charles Johnson is a dangerous Dan Rather!

The moment our eyes met, I knew I had found someone to burn crosses with.

That’s almost exactly what I thought when she told me how she met her husband!

Funny, when she wasn’t on the subject of her nutty religion or evil gays, she was actually pretty bright and could even have a laugh. It was when she’d start on her crazy ideas she’d get that glint in the eyes. It’s scary to see that. I don’t know how they can live with all that shit crammed into their craniums

You know who else failed in their artistic career?

To be fair, he was a buttload better than that Colon.

Now that we have a Swine Flu,
Maybe liberals see them? outbreak, maybe loberals see

Now that we have Swine Flu, do you see them?

This one is a walk-in colon.

Lol, I think I know who built that thing, or at least its precursor. I’m thinking some years back, but I don’t suppose there’s all that much wear and tear on a portable giant colon. Could be the same one. Sure looks like it.

And yeah, it was the first thing I thought of when I saw this post.

You know who else failed in their artistic career?
Thomas Kinkade?

Teabagger, tweets, threats, arrest.

Funny, when she wasn’t on the subject of her nutty religion or evil gays, she was actually pretty bright and could even have a laugh. It was when she’d start on her crazy ideas she’d get that glint in the eyes. It’s scary to see that. I don’t know how they can live with all that shit crammed into their craniums

Because I am an ubergeek, the first thing that popped into my mind was this passage in Gene Wolfe’s Book of the New Sun describing a public execution junkie:

But I can’t think of Hethor except as I saw him once from the scaffold, with his mouth open and his eyes…”
She stirred uncomfortably. “Yes, those eyes-I saw them tonight. Dead eyes, though I suppose I shouldn’t be the one to say that. A corpse’s eyes. You have the feeling that if you touched them they would be as dry as stones, and never move under your finger.”
“That isn’t it at all. When I was on the scaffold in Saltus and looked down and saw him, his eyes danced. You said, though, that the dull eyes he has at most times reminded you of a corpse’s.

I’ll do it, but only if I have some indication that the turnout won’t be pathetic like the teabagging. I mean, it’s not just the numbers, but if there aren’t enough people out there as outraged by this, who see the danger in this as I do, then it would be a bit pointless, wouldn’t it?

You know who else failed in their artistic career?
Thomas Kinkade?

First one to criticize Bob Ross will incur my wrath!!!!!

WOLVERINESHAPPY LITTLE TREES!!!!!!11!!!

HREF FAIL!!!

Uhh… ignore the man behind the cretin….

Bob Ross’ hair is indictment enough.

The moment our eyes met, I knew I had found someone to burn crosses with.

The moment I saw her undulating in her furry tapeworm costume, I knew she would grow attached to me and absorb my nutrients.

I miss Bob Ross. Really. On one show he had a baby squirrel in his pocket.

Uhh… ignore the man behind the cretin….

I’ll be helping myself to this line. A thing of beauty.

Teabagger, tweets, threats, arrest.

Twitter’s really arrived now.

You know who else failed in their artistic career?
Thomas Kinkade?

Hee hee

Good old Kinkade, mashing up the Impressionists and P.T. Barnum. And a territory-marking tomcat, for good measure.

justme – that memorabilia site is crazy. They have Der Fuhrer’s hairbrush! We know for a fact that thing was cursed.

Male angler-fish seeks female, with object of nutrient-absorption.

with object of nutrient-absorption.

Dating is much simpler in the Marianas Trench.

Uhh… ignore the man behind the cretin….

Y’know, we could have really used that line a lot from 2001-2008…

mashing up the Impressionists and P.T. Barnum. And a territory-marking tomcat

I prefer my tomcats unmashed, thank you very much.

I learned more than I ever wanted to know about tape worms treating my kitteh. Fortunately, although kinda pricey, the cure was effective immediately. Getting the cat to swallow the pill, though, that was the hard part.

Me: Open your mouth.

Cat: Fuck you.

Me: (sqeezing side of cats mouth) Open wide, kitteh.

Cat: I’ll rip your eyes from your head in your sleep if you don’t take your fingers out of my mouth.

Me: Ow! Ow!

Cat: (Laughing, accidentally opens mouth wide) Gah!

Me: I win! I win!

*FROM THE THIRD SENTENCE OF “Manufacturing Consent for the Gay Agenda”: “Hollywood and Television films on gay martyrs win awards even if the factual data is slightly skewered to invoke sympathy.”

SKEWERED
Main Entry: skewer
Function: transitive verb
1 : to fasten or pierce with or as if with a skewer
2 : to criticize or ridicule sharply and effectively

SKEWED
Main Entry: skew
Function: transitive verb
1 : to make, set, or cut on the skew
2 : to distort especially from a true value or symmetrical form, i.e. skewed statistical data

Speaking of nutrient absorption, Pere Ubu’s Medieval Bestiary site informs us that

The weasel is a dirty animal that must not be eaten. It conceives at the mouth and gives birth through the ear (though some say it is the other way around).

A weasel’s hole can be easily found because of the foulness of the ground around it. If a basilisk is thrown into a weasel’s hole, the stench of the weasel will kill the basilisk, though the weasel will also die.

A trip to the weasel’s local public health department to get some antibiotics would get that little problem fixed right as rain.

Well, Libs, do you finally see the need to secure our borders now that Third World immigrants have imported swine flu as part of their “multiculturalism”?

I fully support the rights of swine flu Americans.

I’d like to see how hard you’re laughing when it turns intp a massive pandemic!

What will you say when thousands are dead from open borders with Third World hordes?

What will you say when thousands are dead from open borders with Third World hordes?

Well, Libs, do you finally see the need to secure our borders now that Third World immigrants have imported weasels as part of their “multiculturalism”?

do you finally see the need to secure our borders now that Third World immigrants have imported weasels as part of their “multiculturalism”?

Damn, it was bad enough when they brought horses.

I liked the commenter who whines, somewhat ruefully, that gays get to wear nice designer clothes, because obviously the stores won’t even sell them to you if you’re straight.

What will you say when thousands are dead from open borders with Third World hordes?

Wow, this funeral hall is big!

Good thing the last 8 years of conservatism secured the borders so well with their typical Republican efficiency — the same way they kept us safe from terrorism!

T. H. White did a really nice translation of a bestiary. I always liked the bit about bears.

The bear cub is born as a shapeless and eyeless lump of flesh, which the mother bear shapes into its proper form by licking it

I also like the fact that white has alzabo listed as an alternate name for the leucrota or crocuta.

Have I mentioned that I am an ubergeek? I also have to confess that I had a big blond afro of Rossian proportions before time and genetics caught up to me.

The bear cub is born as a shapeless and eyeless lump of flesh, which the mother bear shapes into its proper form by licking it

I can understand why nobody would want to get close enough to a new mama bear to find out the real situation.

I disagreed with George W. “Amnesty” Bush on the border.

As I disagree with Barack Hussein “Super Amnesty World!” Obama.

You know, I was just reading as of five minutes ago the World Health Organization’s web site about this alarming swine flu. It never occurred to me to start ranting about the evil immigrants importing it to ‘murka. What the hell is wrong with you?

You fucktard, a virus doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your border fence bullshit anti-immigration spew. Hell, an American business person going to Mexico to oversee a factory or to meet with officials could easily contract a virus and bring it back with him or her. You want to halt commerce? A swine flu could get going here in the US at one of our lovely hog confinement facilities and that same businessperson could bring it to Mexico, for that matter.

In the meantime, the WHO, which I’m sure you hate, will continue to do its job to make sure your pasty ass stays safe.

Flu

The Government of Mexico has reported three separate events. In the Federal District of Mexico, surveillance began picking up cases of ILI starting 18 March. The number of cases has risen steadily through April and as of 23 April there are now more than 854 cases of pneumonia from the capital. Of those, 59 have died. In San Luis Potosi, in central Mexico, 24 cases of ILI, with three deaths, have been reported. And from Mexicali, near the border with the United States, four cases of ILI, with no deaths, have been reported.

Of the Mexican cases, 18 have been laboratory confirmed in Canada as Swine Influenza A/H1N1, while 12 of those are genetically identical to the Swine Influenza A/H1N1 viruses from California.

The majority of these cases have occurred in otherwise healthy young adults. Influenza normally affects the very young and the very old, but these age groups have not been heavily affected in Mexico.

Because there are human cases associated with an animal influenza virus, and because of the geographical spread of multiple community outbreaks, plus the somewhat unusual age groups affected, these events are of high concern.

You’re a friggin’ weasel, aren’t you? Just admit it.

white has alzabo listed as an alternate name for the leucrota or crocuta.
One of Gene Wolfe’s sources, then? (along with Teh Book of Imaginary Beings).

You’re a friggin’ weasel, aren’t you?
The test is whether he gives birth through the mouth if you impregnate him through the ear.

Answer THIS! said…
… “Super Amnesty World!” Obama.

I like the repeated use of exclamation points; it’s very Broadway, like “Oklahoma!”

Do you do jazz hands?

The test is whether he gives birth through the mouth if you impregnate him through the ear

Well, I’ll have to take a pass. Maybe PZ Myers would undertake such an experiment, in the interest of biology.

Oops, forgot to de-saint myself.

One of Gene Wolfe’s sources, then? (along with Teh Book of Imaginary Beings).

I imagine Borges and White were riffing off the same sources, alzabo being the Islamofacist name for the hyena. Wolfe being so well read, I imagine he read White as well, but have no concrete evidence.

Hey, how about dropping the term troll, and using bonnacon? Spewing a three-furlong stream of shit, which inevitably leads to a whole lotta flaming…

Can I haz n00 tradishun?

What goes up the chimney down but can’t go down the chimney up?

What goes up the chimney down but can’t go down the chimney up?

A weasel!

Weasels…is there nothing they can’t do?

What goes up the chimney down but can’t go down the chimney up?

A burning duck?

An umbrella?

I’m surprised no one has brought up the badger yet.

The test is whether he gives birth through the mouth if you impregnate him through the ear
Well, I’ll have to take a pass. Maybe PZ Myers would undertake such an experiment, in the interest of biology.

I will kiss the girl from Venus fuck the trollwad’s earhole- FOR SCIENCE!!!!

Do you do jazz hands?

Swine flu -> jazz trotters.

I still can’t stop being amazed at the common wingnut debating technique of “indignantly bring up a complete non-sequitur that is supposed to prove how evil we are according to some assumption about liberals! Ha! Gotcha now!” And this proves what, exactly?

My kid brother used to pull this shit all the time when we were still on speaking terms. We’d be talking about something completely unrelated and he’d suddenly say something to the effect of, “Oh yeah? What about Andrea Dworkin?” and then proceed to misquote some outrageous pronouncement of hers he read on some right-wing website. When you responded “who cares about Andrea Dworkin’s opinions and what does she have to do with the conversation anyway?”, he’d go off on something else. Baffling.

white has alzabo listed as an alternate name for the leucrota or crocuta.
One of Gene Wolfe’s sources, then? (along with Teh Book of Imaginary Beings).

Back in the 80s, Gene Wolfe wrote a small book of essays (exclusively for the SFBC, I think) called The Castle of the Otter, after a fanzine revealed that as the title of the last volume of The Book of the New Sun. (The Citadel of the Autarch in reality, for non-dorkish among you.)

One chapter was an exhaustive list of the unusual words in the first few chapters of The Shadow of the Torturer and where they came from. My favorite was:

ONEGAR: My spelling of “onager.” I should really look this stuff up.

When he revealed that for him, as an aspiring writer, “The Book of Gold” (if you remember the scene in the library) was The Dying Earth, I knew why I liked his writing so much.

P.S.: I gave up charades after my girlfriend’s family got the book title The Death of Doctor Island and Other Stories and Other Stories. Damn you to Hell, Gene.

What will you say when thousands are dead from open borders with Third World hordes?

What are you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!

The test is whether he gives birth through the mouth if you impregnate him through the ear

Well, I’ll have to take a pass. Maybe PZ Myers would undertake such an experiment, in the interest of biology.

I’m surprised this was in a medieval bestiary. Since Mary was a “virgin” because she got fucked in the ear instead, isn’t this blasphemy? Or something?

ONEGAR: My spelling of “onager.” I should really look this stuff up.

I thought it was a donkey-infused salad dressing.

TCotO was re-released with “Book of Days” in an omnibus, Castle of Days.

Jack Vance is the cat’s ass. Back when I still worked in a cubefarm, my screen saver was a scrolling quote from The Killing Machine:

“Only the inept are deweaseled, your organization is sounder for their loss.”

Those crazy weasels again!

The Medieval Bestiary is a gas. Thanks for that!

I remember Woody Allen had some spoof bestiary in a book – one of the creatures had “the head of a lion, and the body of a lion, but not the same lion”.

Fucking Pelicans live in Egypt. There are two kinds: one kind lives on water and eats poisonous animals like crocodiles and lizards; the other kind, with a long neck and beak,1 makes a sound like an ass when it drinks (this kind is called the onocrotalus).

1 For eating honey

I just got a fax from the Soros compound. We are to send flu-exposed ammunition to gun shops throughout the nation. The heading was “Flu for the Swine”.

WOLVERINESPATHOGENS!!!!1!!!

Baldanders (whose name we may translate as Soon-another or At-any-moment-something-else) was suggested to the master shoemaker Hans Sachs (1494-1576) of Nuremberg by that passage in the Odyssey in which Menelaus pursues the Egyptian god Proteus, who changes himself into a lion, a serpent, a panther, a huge wild boar, a tree, and flowing water. Some ninety years after Sachs’s death, Baldanders ‘ makes a new appearance in the last book of the picaresque fantastic novel by Grimmelshausen, The Adventuresome Simplicissimus (I669). In the midst ofa wood, the hero comes upon a stone statue which seems to him an idol from some ; old Germanic temple. He touches it and the statue tells him he is Baldanders and thereupon takes the forms of a man, of an oak tree, of a sow, of a fat sausage, of a field of clover, of dung, of a flower, of a blossoming branch, of a mulberry bush, of a silk tapestry, of many other things and beings, and then, once more, of a man. He pretends to teach Simplicissimus the art “of conversing with things which by their nature are dumb, such as chairs and benches, pots and pans”; he also makes himself into a secretary and writes these words from the Revelation of St. John: “I am the first and the last, ” which are the key to the coded document in which he leaves the hero his instructions. Baldanders adds that his emblem (like that of the Turk, and with more right to it than the Turk) is the inconstant moon.

Baldanders is a successive monster, a monster in time. The title page of the first edition of Grimmelshausen’s novel takes up the joke. It bears an engraving of a creature having a satyr’s head, a human torso, the unfolded wings of a bird, and the tail of a fish, and which, with a goat’s leg and vulture’s claws, tramples on a heap of masks that stand for the succession of shapes he has taken. In his belt he carries a sword and in his hands an open book showing pictures of a crown, a sailing boat, a goblet, a tower, a child, a pair of dice, a foolscap with bells, and a piece of ordnance.

The beaver entry is to funny forever.

White’s bestiary

ah 5, 6, 7, 8

HELLL-AHH-000000000000, FRAH-RISSSSSS-COOOOO, HELL-OOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like to belt it out to the balcony, libs. Take that!

What are you libs gonna do now that water vapor has been found being ejected from black holes?

Wait a minute, that just doesn’t sound at all like the 100% true astronomy story it was meant to represent. This is totally unfair. My wingnut outrage has been totally interrupted by unintended innuendo. And yes I got that last one too. Stop it!

The beaver entry is to funny forever.

The glum look on the animal’s face as he bites off his own nards is priceless.

Even better than the look on the beaver’s face is this nugget:

The beaver is hunted for its testicles, which are valued for making medicine.

This is the Republican Party’s health care proposal in a nutshell.

TCotO was re-released with “Book of Days” in an omnibus, Castle of Days.

Thanks for the tip, B^4. I lost all my old sci-fi books in a semi-involuntary move about 20 years ago, so I’ll have to try to find that.

Jack Vance is the cat’s ass. Back when I still worked in a cubefarm, my screen saver was a scrolling quote from The Killing Machine:

“Only the inept are deweaseled, your organization is sounder for their loss.”

In religious discussions, I like to quote Lodermulch from The Eye of the Overworld:

“Bah! Notice this rent in my garment. I am at a loss to explain its presence. So much more am I puzzled by the existence of the universe!”

I live to serve Rev. I need to order TIoDDaOSaOS, “Seven American Nights” is one of the most haunting things I’ve ever written.

I always get a hoot out of:
“So now, be off! Or I inflict upon you the Spell of the Macroid Toe, whereupon the signalized member swells to the proportions of a house.”

Best threat AY-VURRRR!!!!

URK! Of course I meant “read”. It’s been a long, bizarre day, and I’ve gotten a little punchy.

You libs won’t be laughing when the USA is changed into ¡SUPER NAFTA LAND!

When you responded “who cares about Andrea Dworkin’s opinions and what does she have to do with the conversation anyway?”, he’d go off on something else. Baffling.

cf. Ward Churchill. Nobody I know had even heard of the guy until the Wingnuts declared him an Intellectual Pillar of Teh Left.

30 years of Wingnut Welfare have left them in a state where they spend all their time constructing arguments to counter their tribe’s fantasy stereotype of what a Liberal is rather than, you know, the ones used by actual Liberals. They simply don’t get that we’re not just their mirror image; that organizationally, intellectually, tactically, we’re way different, and so are our goals.

What makes it tragic (by which I mean, fucking hilarious) is that they’ve also baked in the notion that any evidence that contradicts their Fantasy Liberal– the shit that might make a sensible person stop and rethink– is all part the Teh Plot.

I used to be a liberal until I was mugged by zombies and I was forced to throw them my frontal lobe to distract them during my escape.

Illegal immigrant zombies at that.

Do you do jazz hands?

Holy Christ on a biscuit, this made me LOL.

Illegal immigrant zombies at that.

Since zombies are so slow, I used to think that I would open a taxicab company for zombies, and I could just pull up to a zombie and he (or she) would say “RRRRRRRRGGGH” or “BRAAAAAIIINS” or something and then I could start the meter and we could speed after the zombie’s intended victim.

But then I realized that that was a preposterous idea.

It’s much more efficient ($$$- and profitable- $$$) if you sell a zombie his (or her) own vehicle. So now I’m thinking of opening a Segway dealership… for zombies.

I would pay good money New Zealand currency to watch a zombies-on-Segways advertisement.

Also, zombie Daleks.
bring-me-the-brains-of-the-one-they-call-the-doctor...

Well, Libs, do you finally see the need to secure our borders now that Third World immigrants have imported Elmo pull string piñatas as part of their “multiculturalism”?

I’m surprised no one has brought up the badger yet.

lies, all lies.

though i have been dragged off a few times when i was loaded.

fucking egyptian pelicans

no one has brought up the badger yet

A few more rounds & someone’s bound to.

Candy said,
April 26, 2009 at 1:43
[…]
Fundies are just big wads of cognitive dissonance with feet and hands and pointy little heads.

At 3:15 AM, in pain and waiting for the vicodin to take effect, this made me LOL. Thanks Candy.

Also, your description of ‘pilling’ a cat is spot on.

By the way, Sister Christian is in the third year of her third marriage. She’s never had any kids of her own.

Why, it’s almost as if she really has no long-term interest in intimacy with men!

…they just want to “stick their hands in my pocketbook.”

Yes, those lesbians want to open her most private places. She worries about it constantly. She wonders all of the time about which queer girl’s hands will first infiltrate. Will it be a bull-dyke? A lipstick lesbian? Will the sex-crazed wench first tie Sister Christian to a four-poster bed, then slowly and methodically open her purse? Oh, no, the horror, the horror! No wonder she simply cannot stop thinking about it, worrying about it, having hellish nightmares dreaming about it every long, lonely night.

‘Scientists’ have proven gays can change through the power of Christ.”

Did you ask her how well this worked for her many times it has failed her?

PeeJ said,

April 25, 2009 at 23:17

That’s the biggest polyp I’ve ever seen growing out of that colon.

You win teh Internets!

Elmo pull string piñatas
OMFSM worst case of tapeworms since Candy’s kitteh story.

Ah 5, 6, 7, 8

OHHHHHH!!!!!! EYEEEEEEEE GOTTAAAAAAAAAHHH FEEEEEELLING THAT LOOOOOVE IS HEEE-AHH-TA STAAAAAYY1111!!!!!

What will you say when thousands are dead from open borders with Third World hordes?

I’d say if they unrestrainedly lodge in third-world cat houses, they get what they deserve.

I’d say if they unrestrainedly lodge in third-world cat houses, they get what they deserve.

No, no, no! Not bordellos – Borders! You know, those guys who write about how bipartisanship is the only thing that matters, and it consists of doing everything the Republicans want. Those things spread disease all over through newspapers.

No, I know it was talking about borders, but people who bord with skanky hordes are bound to encounter some personal dis-ease sooner or later.

And open borders are the worst! Every sordid detail they feel they have to tell you.

No, I know it was talking about borders, but people who bord with skanky hordes are bound to encounter some personal dis-ease sooner or later.

Oh, right. Right. I forgot about the hordes.

We iz in ur bordellos!

We iz in ur bordellos!

“thrillin’ ur duds”

T. H. White did a really nice translation of a bestiary.

Yeah, I snagged that at a library sale; it’s very fun to read.

I also have to confess that I had a big blond afro of Rossian proportions before time and genetics caught up to me.

The singer for the Serbian Eurovision contest entry sports an impressive Serb-fro.

I also like the kickin’ accordion track and the Spider Jerusalem-esque backup singers.

Well I liked her art anyway. The article was trash of course.

Yeah, she failed when she cited Paglia, aka The #1 Reason Not To Give Cash Money To Salon. Also, of course, ignoring legions of gay-bashing cases to focus her gimlet gaze on the one “gay” murder she could find.

The article was about media bias which none of the posters seem to address. Why is it that when we disagree with someone, we issue personal insults and name call instead of debating with logic?

This Alicia Colon is still around? I remember her from the S.I.Advance colum back in 1999-2000 when she attracted much attention for being an ignorant, mindless and fanatic ant-gay moron that was convinced giving gays and lesbians any kind of tolerance and respect would surely have the sky fall in on us any day !!!!