This Just Might Be the Worst Advice Ever

Michael Gaynor must be suffering from a particularly severe leprechaun attack this week, because his latest column is actually called (I’m not making this up) “Mr. President, heed the call of Marie Jon’ and Chris Hartsock (America’s future).”

“Laddy! Tha’s th’ dumbest a’vice I ever heard! Marie’s e’en madder than Mdhatter! What should anyone listen t’ her fer?”

I agree, Mr. Demonic Leprechaun Hallucination, but sadly, it’s even worse than you think. Check out the column’s conclusion (emphasis added):

Marie Jon’s battle cry: “I’ll fight back for our president, but it’s time he kicks butt himself with all of us right behind him.”

Added incentive for you, Mr. President: After you do it, then Marie Jon’ will help you with grammar and spelling and perhaps Mr. Hartsock will have you do a cameo appearance in his film.

Hey, now all he needs is for Kaye… “Grogan” to help him with punctuation and the Swank Pastor International to help him with syntax, and Bush’ll be on his way to becoming a poet laureate.

(Mr. President, I also strongly recommend you purchase a PeoplePolitical classic thong– it’d look damn sexy for your cameo appearance in Mr. Harstock’s film!)


Comments: 18


PLEASE tell us he’s spoofing them.

If my four-year-old writes something (or dictates it), and I post it on a website, does that mean she will replace those two as “America’s future”?

I expect that after that, in Gaynorville, she will become Hegemon, following the footsteps of the bed-wetting, animal-maiming, fire-starting Peter in Ender’s Game.


it’s time he kicks butt himself with all of us right behind him.

When everybody is standing behind you, kicking butt gets pretty damn difficult.


Marie’s only 22?


Your political opponents are doing to you what Hitler did to Germany’s Jews before World War II: scapegoating and demonizing them for his evil purposes.

Does Godwin’s Law apply to wingnut web publications? If so, Gaynor loses.

I also love the embedded wingnuttery, as Gaynor reprints all or most of Chris Hartsock (is that even a real name?).

I doubt that the late Chief Justice Rehnquist, a mentor of now Chief Justice Roberts and the husband of an ardently pro-life feminist lawyer, would have been looking forward to serving with Chief Justice Roberts unless he was confident that Chief Justice Roberts would join him in his faithful and vigorous efforts to undo the judicial travesty referred to as the Roe v. Wade decision and to undo the secular extremism judicial coup that led the Supremes to declare that government must be neutral as between religion and irreligion and governmental support of religion generally is unconstitutional.

Huh? Oh yeah, that “secular extremism judicial coup” that looked in that pesky First Amendment and found the words “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion….”

And I love that Gaynor is channeling Rehnquist. “I’m seeing an R. An R and a W, and Chief Justice Rehnquist seems unhappy. Does that mean anything to you? Is there a Robert? Roberts? And W, could be the president. Maybe you’re going to start on a long journey, or take a new job? Chief Justice Rehnquist is standing right beside you, and he’s not smiling. I think he’s afraid you’re going to make some kind of mistake in your next venture.”


I’m not heeding any call from Marie Jon’ unless it’s “Get over here and have rough, angry, revenge sex, doggystyle with me.”


I’m not heeding any call from Marie Jon’ unless it’s “Get over here and have rough, angry, revenge sex, doggystyle with me.”

Oh dear…


You went too easy on that one.
What about “Inspire Marie Jon’, before she gags”?
Can’t you just picture it?


I can’t believe that MJ has only been drinking for a year.


How do you know she even drinks? Given the pent up rage and repressed sexuality, I’d guess she was a teetotaler.


Actually, I think W is going for poet lariat. Fits the cowboy image better.


The future of America lies in Marie Jon’-‘s hands, huh?

Can I just stop time right now and demand a refund? Because this universe is defective, and it’s still under warranty, dammit!


To steal a line from John Carpenter’s The Thing, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” Speaking of movies, this “Chris Hartsock,” Gaynor implies he’s in film somehow (a director? an actor?). I didn’t read the column per se, as Marie’s nonsense tends to render me unconscious. But I’ve never heard reference to this Hartsock fella before. Think we can lure him over here to troll? I’m bored with our pet trolls, marie included.


I’m just glad that I’m not the only one seeing the damn hallucenogenic leprechaun. For a second there…


Marq, according to the Internet Movie Database, Chris Hartsock is an actor. He’s appeared in 6 movies, mostly bit roles (5 of them didn’t have names), and had various guest roles on a handful of tv sitcoms. There wasn’t a picture, so I’ve got no idea what he looks like.


Google Image search might not have had anything on him either. There were pictures of a (bad) superhero drawing, three assorted kids, a sailor (possibly cute), and the image of what looks like a tennis/base ball mutilated into a pac-man, titled “Patriots.” Hmm.


For some reason my conscience will not allow me to visualise Marie Jon’ with a ball gag. I can manage this with mAnn Coulter, but somehow my weak kneed compassion stops me from managing it with MJ’. Maybe it’s because she is so young. And defenseless. Not like Da mAnn.


Yes.. I agree ..8


Yes.. I agree ..8


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