Wingnutty Music That Wasn’t Written by Dr. BLT
So I was trolling around The Rant this morning, when the following advertisement caught my eye:
I think this ad is trying to depict two patriotic Americans vigilantly patrolling our borders to ensure that shifty brown folk can’t get in, but it really just looks like a coupla drunken hobos hanging over a fence.
At any rate, their promise of getting “a great CD” really got me excited. I totally love shitty music, especially when it’s written and performed by right-wing crazies. So I clicked on the link to see the bad-ass tunes they were sellin’, and boy, I wasn’t disappointed.
The link took me to the official homepage of a group called the United American Civil Task Force. They’re apparently selling this super-kewl music to raise money both for themselves and the Minutemen:
One way to assist UACT is to purchase the music C.D. below ?Wake Up America?. Proceeds from the writer/producer also go to the Minutemen to help support their efforts at securing the border and the nation. This C.D. has been reviewed by professionals in the music industry who feel it is a great work with great songs and one entitled ?Thank You America? which has definite Hit Potential. ?Thank You America? is also in a music Video format that is available for reviewing and sale. Watch for it on various music video networks.
You can watch the video for “Thank You America” by clicking here. The song itself sounds like Nickelback parodying a satire of Creed singing on a Budweiser or Chevy truck commercial. For your enjoyment, I’ve transcribed some of the brilliant lyrics:
Today I don’t have to speak German,
And live under the Third Reich,
Heeeeeeey… Thank you, America!
Because speaking German would obviously be the worst thing about living under the Third Reich, far worse than, say, having your skin peeled off and made into a lamp shade.
And today I don’t have to speak Russian,
And live under that red flag,
Heeeeeey… Thank you, America!
During this part of the video, an image flashes on the screen of two Commies kissing:
So not only will the Ruskies seize your property and ban English, but they’ll make you GAY! I guess they don’t call ’em “Pinkos” for nothing!
OK, here comes the rousing chorus:
Thank you for everything,
Thank you for all my dreams,
Thank you, yes I’m free,
Thank you, America!
This sort of thing actually does make me kinda patriotic- the fact that I have the freedom to make fun of these guys really goes to the heart of what this country’s all about.
OK, onto the second verse:
And if my wife doesn’t have to hide her face,
And she can live like a woman (like a woman!),
Thank yooooooooou-AH! Thank yoooo-AH! America!
And if today I can drink a beer!
And celebrate life with no fear!
WHOOOOOOO-OOOOOOA-OOOOOOA!!!! THANK YOOOOOU AMERICA!!!!!!!
“Y’see, in America, my wife can live like a woman, which means she can bring me a beer when I ask her to. *Sniff* I’m getting all choked up just thinking about it… HEY! BITCH!!! WHERE’S MY BEER!!!!!”
Anyway, here are the front and backcovers of the “Wake Up America” CD:
Wal-Mart is apparently selling this album via download on their website. You can listen to samples of the songs by clicking here. My personal favorites are “Boycott France,” an angry anti-Gaul rap-metal ditty; “Pancho Villa Stops Here,” an anti-immigrant number containing the lyrics “If you hate this country / You’re gonna stop right here / We don’t need your beans, we don’t need your beer!”; and “Get Us Out of the United Nations,” featuring ingenious lyrics like “Get us out of the United Nations / Get us out, we are a free nation!” Rhyming “nations” with “nation?” Mmmmmm-wuh!
I did a Google search for the Minutemen Project Band to see if they had an official homepage. Happily, they did:
“THANK YOOOOOUUUU AMEEERRRRRRICAAAAAAAAAH!!!!”
While the website isn’t all that special, it does allow you to hear “The Minutemen Song” in its entirety. As usual, the lyrics read like poetry:
We’re the Minutemen, we’re common people,
We’re just women and men, but our borders we’ll defend,
Against invaders, against traitors,
Against Vicente, the Mexican dictator!
Vicente Fox, the democratically-elected dictator of Mexico. I love it.
May I suggest a cover of Dylan’s “Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues.”
Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else,
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Jesus Christ, buy those idiots a rhyming dictionary.
(I think the people in the photo are meant to be the Mexicans not the uber patriotic Caspar’s defending our border).
I was going to make a joke about those pants being on fire, but then I realized that they’d probably lynch me for that.
Greg- you may be right. They look sufficiently shifty.
I also love how they think that Mexicans have to climb over a fence to cross the border.
They also must think mexicans are particularly small and incapable of jumping.
That fence might keep the africanized killer rabbits out, though.
We’re the Minutemen, we’re common people,
We’re just women and men, but our borders we’ll defend,
Against invaders, against traitors,
Against Vicente, the Mexican dictator!
Compare and contrast, boys and girls!
that bass player is left-handed! Obviously a pinko fellow-traveler.
And they call themselves patriots!
really just looks like a coupla drunken hobos hanging over a fence.
Seriously.
I like the higly encoded “she can live like a woman.” I’m sure those who advocate the “face coverings” would disagree on that, by the way.
Today I don’t have to speak German,
And live under the Third Reich,
Heeeeeeey… Thank you, America!
Oh, for fucks sake. The Republicans in 1939-1941 were isolationists so while the British, French and Russians were getting slaughtered by the Wermacht, cunts like these guys were living easy. Same deal in the Great War–the US sits on the sidelines while others get slaughtered and then waltz in and take all the credit. I’d like to see these assholes say that shit in a working class pub in the North of England; they’d be picking out shards of the pint glass that was smashed against their skulls for weeks.
Henry Holland – not only living easy, but some of them cutting deals with the Krauts
I found the rhyme of “nations” with “nation” to be particularly disappointing in light of the fact that they missed the opportunity to work “Hatians” into the song. After all – they’re poor, they’re dark, and they want into our country.
Of course, they don’t eat beans or anything like that, so it’s hard to develop the really gripping imagery you’d need.
A couple of years ago I bought a bunch of old records at a garage sale. Included in the stack was an old 78 from circa the 1930s called “If You Don’t Love Your Uncle Sam, Then Go Back From Where You Came From.” Since it had nicely rhyming lyrics and a catchy tune, I suggest the Minute Man Band do a cover of it,
We don’t take kindly to musical observations ’round here. Take yer damn fancy “rhymes” and just geeeeet out!
“Today I can say what I want without looking behind my back.”
Sadly, no.
I like the treat at the end:
“Distribuite Free for not commercial purposes”.
The allusion to my songs isn’t an illusion, but it is a bit of a stretch, especially considering that my newly released cover of the Guess Who’s
“American Woman”
http://www.drblt.com/music/AmericanWomanP.mp3
(featuring my 4-month-old baby), has actually sparked rumors that I’ve joined Cindy Sheehan’s anti-war crowd, all because the song contains the line: “I don’t need your war machine.” By the way, I’ve been trying to find a line to replace that line with. Any suggestions from any of you Minutemen-music bashers?
Umm, “American Woman” doesn’t sound like a very patrotic song anyway.
Oh, and what’s the context behind that Russian kissing poster? I wonder if the message is actually “Decadent Captalist Are Girly Perverts” or something.
Yeah, Gregor’s right: those are supposed to be the much fabled and feared prospective day-labor messicuns.
Yeah, Gregor’s right: those are supposed to be the much fabled and feared prospective day-labor messicuns.
They look like the Mario Brothers after downing a case of scotch.
Ahhh! Ugly kissing Commies! Haha, that’s great. Anybody else catch the “Liberal Advisory Warning” on the CD case?
We don’t need your beans, we don’t need your beer!
Hey. Corona’s good.
Yeah, I’m also a big fan of bean burritos. As a commie, pinko faggy vegetarian, It’s getting harder and harder to find protein sources…
Why does this remind me of Styngerr’s attempt to go political?
Why does this remind me of Styngerr’s attempt to go political?
You mean when we sang songs about boinking Nancy Reagan and Maggie Thatcher? Yeah, those were the days…
It’s a famous poster but I don’t remember the whole story. I think its Honecker of the DDR and Brezhnev; some commentary about satellite relations.
I think Darryl Worley would pull an “O RLY?” with these cretins.
Wake up America I got a problem
Venom flowing thru my veins
I see families town to pieces
By crystal meth and crack cocaine
Some of those sworn to provide us with protection
Just turn their backs and cut a deal with the infection
VS the equivalment of:
Freind of fatherless!
Fountain of happiness!
Lord of the swill-bucket!
Oh, how my soul is on
Fire when I gaze at thy
Calm and commanding eye,
Like the sun in the sky,
Comrade Napoleon!
No contest.
D. Boon must be pissed (and doing the obligatory gymnastics in his coffin).
Oh thanks Brad, now I’m picturing a three way with Nancy and Maggie. And the two of them making out with each other.
Hey if I’m gonna be forced to have that image in my head, I might as well take the rest of you there with me…
Professor Pastrami on Rye: American Woman? A song written by a Canadian band protesting American militarism? That doesn’t sound like your kind of thing.
Oh well. How about “I don’t need your whore routine”?
Aren’t those pants actually illegal (desecrating the flag, etc.)?
Dr. BLT and/or the Minutemen Revue might next want to tackle “Fortunate Son,” but only the first two lines, like that jeans commercial featured a few years back did. “Born in the USA” might be a good choice as well, but just the chorus.
So, the MexCommies want to get into America really badly, so they can make us not free? That just makes my head hurt.
Did the Editors just rip sadly, no?
Well, to each according to his own tastes I suppose, but, bleeecch with or without lime)!! Dos Equis, on the other hand, is yummy,
Aw, hell no. Tecate, however, is da bomb, dawg.
Negra Modelo.
So this post has been up for the better part of the day and no Mike Watt/Minutemen/We Jam Econo references? WTH?
Gregor, someone has:
D. Boon must be pissed (and doing the obligatory gymnastics in his coffin).
Admit it, dude. You only know Mike Watt because of that song he did with Eddie Vedder.
THE KIDS OF TODAY SHOULD DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST THE MEXICAN IMMIGRANTS!
Self-nailed! And then externally nailed by Auguste!
So painful. So harsh! I love it!!
Modern Major-General, one never wants to become a cliche.
Anne, if I’m going to indulge in a guilty pleasure, and contradict myself in the process, a chorus here and there will not do.
If you’re suggesting that the Minutemen and myself team up in the studio, that would be the ultimate contradiction. Without my wife’s grandfather crossing the border illegally back in the day, I would have never met my lovely wife, and I would have never been the father of our prrecious little 4-month-old Mexican/Mennonite daughter, Kassidy, with a voice that I’m sure you’ll agree is much better than mine (if, of course, you happened to have heard either “American Woman” or the Vanilla Ice parody, “Nice, Nice Baby” we recorded together when she was a mere 5 days old),
In reference to your apparent reference to the Gipper’s adoption of The Boss’s trademark song, Reagan (may he rest in peace) apparently didn’t wholly grasp the cynacism in Born in the USA. I am painfully aware of the sentiments behind “American Woman.” That’s what puts the “guilty” in guilty pleasure–that and the fact that I was not content to leave well enough alone, but had to add military sound effects to the line, “I don’t need your war machine…” I’m bracing for a backlash from my pro-military fans, who, until you folks joined the party, were some of my biggest fans.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz!!! Boringest troll eva and 4eva!
Well, golly, Miss Ditis, if you want to be all classy about it…Sheesh.
Mr. l4m3 – Why pick on me? At our beer store all those mexican beers cost about the same (except Tecate, that is less because it only comes in cans) I think Dos Equis might even be more expensive than Modelo
PS, that’s Mr. Ditis…
“Because speaking German would obviously be the worst thing about living under the Third Reich, far worse than, say, having your skin peeled off and made into a lamp shade.”
uh, just for your future reference, Brad, the lampshades story is now known to be, like the human soap stories, an example of what Honest Abe Foxman would call “a canard”.
uh, just for your future reference, Brad, the lampshades story is now known to be, like the human soap stories, an example of what Honest Abe Foxman would call “a canard”.
Yeah, the soap story doesn’t wash.
Brad R.:
Umm, do you mean like they look after they down the scotch, or after you do?
Bill S:
Well, if the rest of us are going to be there, then it’s not exactly a three-way anymore, is it?
These guys are lame. Give me some of that real racism, Prussian Blue.
uh, just for your future reference, Brad, the lampshades story is now known to be, like the human soap stories, an example of what Honest Abe Foxman would call “a canard”.
I beg to differ here, although there’s been quite some confusion over this. There’s some powerful evidence showing that experiments were made with human soap, and some may well have been produced (albeit in very small quantities,) and some slim threads suggesting that Ilse Koch really did have a couple of lampshades made out of human skin – it was never conclusively proven whether they were made of goat or human flesh. It certainly wouldn’t have been the most gruesome thing she did – for instance, she really did keep tattooed flesh from inmates who had been killed. They’re not quite canards, but the latter in particular will probably never be conclusively proven.
-Schmitt.
Dang, tECHIDNA, you beat me to the punch with the D. Boon reference.
I wonder how they feel about Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.”
If you’re suggesting that the Minutemen and myself team up in the studio
Nope; “and/or” doesn’t necessarily mean “together.”
If you’re suggesting that the Minutemen and myself team up in the studio
Nope; “and/or” doesn’t necessarily mean “together.”
Are we talking about threesomes again?
Sigh. I’m not smart.
Whether it’s an urban legend or not, I think saying that the worse thing about the Nazis taking over is that we would have to speak German is really stupid. Yeah, the genocide and fascism isn’t bad, it’s saying those really long words.
Goldurned Germanic compounds…
Those pants are a crime against humanity.
Didn’t Abbie Hoffman get arrested for wearing a shirt made of an American flag?
And now it’s patriotic to make them into PANTS?
Yes, if speaking German were so bad, why is it taught in so many schools? Public schools! Paid for by the government! Thank yew, America.
Well-! You’ve certainly made that mental image… not better! Oh, yes, yes, I’m sure many of you are decent-looking people. Attractive, even. But I know what I look like. ‘Course, I’d do me way before I’d touch “Just Say No To” Nancy Reagan, and Maggie “Iron Snatch” Thatcher, and have. If there were a porn tape of some “hot” Nancy-on-Maggie action, though, I have to admit, I’d probably watch five or six minutes of it out of sheer, horrified fascination–or until the projectile vomiting starts, whichever comes first.
Today I don’t have to speak German,
And live under the Third Reich,
Heeeeeeey… Thank you, America!
Thank you, Russia – asshole.
And don’t get me started about “aid to Russia” – the Germans were thrown back from Moscow before any American aid reached the USSR.
Today I don’t have to speak German,
And live under the Third Reich,
Despite the best efforts of my President’s grandfather
About whom the best that can be said is that he stopped dealing with Nazi Germany just as soon as it became illegal but after they invaded Poland,
And the Bush family oil fortune was apparently purchased with the proceeds from one share of UBC,
For which he was reimbursed $1.5 million by the government,
Heeeeey… Thank you America!
Hell, if they aren’t worried about scansion, why should I be?
one thing about us mexicans: you won’t see us wearing one pink and one aqua chuck taylor. cos that’s gay.
or american flag pants. however, we are not against a huge mexican flag painted on the hood of our car, with matching red, white, and green rims.
Although I gotta hand it to ’em. No photo of any pinko autoloader, the true American Handgun is a revolver!! Yay, wheelguns!! That’s true blue american marketing…
mikey
Dunno about lampshades, but I read about the small quantities of soap too. I also saw a diary bound in human skin. It belonged to a Waffen SS obersturmbahnfuhrer (or whatever) in Bulgaria. The guy in the museum told us there had been apparently a boom in human-origin products some time in late 1944. Belts, pouches, wallets and that sort of stuff.
I felt like a gringo – the real,/i> minutemen
a ton of white boy guilt, that’s my problem –
obstacle to joy (one reason for drugs)
slept on a mexican beach, slept in trash
(american trash) thinking too much can ruin a good time.
I asked a mexican who
ran a bar for americans “who won”
I said “the election?” he laughed and I felt
like a gringo – we paid for a song and they had fun with us.
why can’t you buy
a good time? why are there soldiers in the streets?
why did I spend the fourth
in someone else’s country?
That man is wearing our flag as PANTS!
Why does he hate our flag/country?!?!
Thanks guys, but that is exactly what I mean by “canard”, as in “I met a guy once …”
I think the shot of Niagara Falls is of the Canadian falls, shot from the Canadian side.
I don’t know about the soap or skin, but do know they used to harvest the hair and weave it into broadcloth for uniforms. I’ve seen the cloth and the hair.
Damnit! The last post was #69!
Someone asked about the Russians kissing; that’s actually a mural on the Berlin Wall. It’s of Honecker and Breshnev and translates to, “my God, help me survive this deadly love.”
I believe it’s meant to be a wee bit ironic, given that it was on the West side.
At least SOMEONE is doing SOMETHING for our country, unlike you losers who just sit in front of the computer and WHACK OFF while the beaners invade our country.
Do something for your country…like join the Marines. Sempi Fi!
“Uncle Sam said,
November 30, 2005 at 6:19
At least SOMEONE is doing SOMETHING for our country, unlike you losers who just sit in front of the computer and WHACK OFF while the beaners invade our country.
Do something for your country…like join the Marines. Sempi Fi! ”
Great parody!
But in case it wasn’t: How about following your own advice?
Cheech Marin? What the fuck?
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