They Won The Sambox
Wonder what’s up with the Sam Adams Alliance. Oh.
The 2nd Annual Sammies: Win $40,000 in Prizes
Fighting big government is hard work. So why not get paid for it?
A partial list of questions never asked by conservatives during the Bush administration:
- That.
The Sammies is a contest recognizing bloggers, filmmakers, open records champions, and other government watchdogs committed to advancing individual and economic liberty. We’re awarding $40,000 – divided among nine different categories – to exceptional activists who live by Sam Adams’ notion that, “all might be free if they valued freedom, and defended it as they ought”. With prizes ranging from $1,000 to $10,000, the Sammies seek to inspire more people to stand up for good government practices in their communities.
In other words, if you’re a right-wing activist working on one of conservatism’s core helping-rich-people issues, and not one of the rube-attracting bait-and-switch issues that nobody cares about, like gay abortion or civil liberties or whatever, then hey, three guesses what we’ve got for you — and don’t bother guessing, because it’s a commemorative plate. Ha ha, don’t be ridiculous; it’s money.
Best Video: Produce a video (drama, satire, documentary, etc.) about economic and/or individual liberty in relation to an issue at the state or local level. Video must be under 5 minutes and already be uploaded to Youtube: $5,000 cash prize!
Winners (l-r): the Bronze Medal; the Silver Freedom Helmet; the 1-900-BUY-GOLD Cup with 50-State Benjamin Strategy:
Sunshine Award: Use your state’s open records laws to uncover government corruption, waste or malfeasance. Hint: FOIA is your best friend: $5,000 prize!
Tea Party Award: Organize a grassroots event that makes a strong political point – that initiates a public discussion, that earns media attention – on an important state or local issue. Something like the Boston Tea Party: $5,000 cash prize!
How eerie. It’s like this Chicago astroturf foundation saw that whole Tea Party thing coming way back in January, when Eric Odom left their employ to, um, work independently founding the grassroots Tea Party movement because of the spontaneous Rick Santelli rant that would take place in Chicago on February 19th, and also at the tie of a conference call shortly before, after, or during that event, when Odom and two dozen other Republican operatives and right-wing activists accidentally butt-dialed each other, and then hung up before saying anything about the tea parties which they all simultaneously started putting together, except didn’t.
That is, let us not espouse the crazy leftist conspiracy theories projected onto the grassroots Tea Parties by leftist crazies, for such would be to invite carefully worded ridicule from Glenn Reynolds and a glass-shattering war squeal from Michelle Malkin. But, you know, it’s a wide world out there, is all we’re saying.
[…]
Blogivist of the Year: an award for the most influential, consistent, and popular blogger using Blogivists: $2,500 cash prize!
Hey, isn’t that the thing Eric Odom invented that’s just like blogs, only with extra Eric Odom? I mean, out of things like that, isn’t it the one that sucks the least? That is, we mean to say that it’s the place where you can get a WordPress blog for free, and where the penalty for not knowing that WordPress blogs are free at WordPress.com is that your blog actually belongs to Eric Odom.
Voter Watchdog: an award going to an individual or group who helped prevent voter fraud during the November election: $2,500!
The fact that there was no documented pattern of voter fraud means a strong field of contestants, for evidently they prevented huge amounts of it, thwarting even the colossus that is ACORN. Either that, or we got away scot free, whatever ‘scot free’ actually means, besides being an excellent punk rock name.
Third option: What if it was just more of this kind of [spoiler alert] thing?
It is in this spirit that we announce our Batman Godzilla Watchdog award, for the individual or group whom help, or rather that helping, or helpst, prevent attacks by Godzillas wearing Batman costumes. The prize is $5,000.
Double that amount is offered for the Tax Day Pee Party award. Everybody grab a bucket, we’re going up to Jerry’s.
Oh, here are this year’s actual winners. And here’s the expected lineup of usual suspects and whoever Vicki McKenna is, with Joe the Plumber still hanging on as an opening act:
Guest presenters include:
* Michelle Malkin
* John Fund
* Stephen Moore
* Paul Jacob
* Mary Katharine Ham
* Jonathan Hoenig
* Vicki McKenna
* Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher
* and more!
There should always be a punchline, and here’s this one.
Oh, poor widdle Odom. Hoist on his own iPetard. (A bargain at $10,000!)
You have to admit, contest-based wingnut wellfare is much more cost-effective than just paying some slobs to post this week’s blast fax. Many of the rubes will work for free in the hopes of reward. This is another case of innovation on the right.
Blogivists: Taking the “act” out of activists.
I’m wearing an invisible Batman costume right now. Also, no Godzillas have attacked Bloomington since I decided to wear it. I’d like my $5K in cash, please.
Unless you meant a Godzilla that wore a Batman costume, in which case we are all screwed.
The Sammie Award looks like Kelsey Grammer
Can I get a hat tip here? I’d try to crash the event, but I happen to know Paul Jacob personally. While he tries to act moderate, he told me (after I was bitching about the guy) that he basically agrees with David Horowitz and only objects to his presentation.
I have no video camera, so if anyone wants to go ahead and film this, you have my blessing: A video in which going Galt is presented a la the classic ’70s Rapture film “A Thief in the Night.”
Since I have started wearing my Godzilla costume, I would like to proudly say that NO goddamn invisible Batmans have attacked Seattle.
I would LIKE to say that, but alas, the entire Northwest is infested with goddamn invisible Batmans. I would have to say that we are on the verge of Peak Batmans.
Maybe my Gamera costume would scare them back to Canada where they belong…
Blogivists: Taking the “act” out of activists.
Golden.
I’ll enter their little contest if they throw in a case of beer – say, maybe, the Honey Porter?
Is that statuette a bobblehead Sam Adams? I, um… wow.
I’ll enter their little contest if they throw in a case of beer – say, maybe, the Honey Porter?
Hell, you’ll be lucky if they serve Sam Adams at the awards dinner, much less give away cases of it.
I have no video camera, so if anyone wants to go ahead and film this, you have my blessing: A video in which going Galt is presented a la the classic ’70s Rapture film “A Thief in the Night.”
That’s so cool! So Galt could come in the night and rapture away all the Real True Capitalists, leaving the unsaved to live in a world without the captains of industry. Then later, the anti-Galt will emerge and start some sort of one-world socialism? But who are the horsemen of this apocalypse? Where will the final battle occur?
As a card-carrying member of the Rogue Nation,* I sneer at your prissy little east-coast beers.
* Attempts to leverage my Rogue Nation card into a false identity and new passport have not yet succeeded.
Funny, this is in the same building in which the Chicago Mercantile Exchange used to be located. How much would anyone like to bet that they don’t pay a market rate for that office? There’s some sort of black GOP front group located in the Harris Bank building that I suspect has a similar arraignment.
Whoops, Civic Opera Building, but I still have my suspicions.
accidentally butt-dialed each other
Please spare me further details about this activity.
As a card-carrying member of the Rogue Nation,* I sneer at your prissy little east-coast beers.
As an erstwhile Oregon resident I can say with confidence: Rogue will fuck your shit UP.
Also, gimme it.
Just came back from a local tea party.
100s of regular people–Republicans, Democrats, and Independents–rallying to take back our Republic (this IS a Republic, not a Democracy!)
Those who favor big government must be pissing their pants in fear now. I love it!
why not shoot for the middle and enjoy a nice Goose Island, Three Floyds or GLB?
You libruals are just jealous because all of America is rising in defiance of your Kenyo-Indonesian Luo messiah.
why not shoot for the middle and enjoy a nice Goose Island, Three Floyds or GLB?
When possible, I’m an extremist.
Those who favor big government must be pissing their pants in
fearlaughter now.Fixed.
this IS a Republic, not a Democracy!
You mean Republic with, like, elections to choose our representatives? Like the one a few months ago? That kind of Republic?
I’ve been waiting for the good shit to show up and it’s starting to pour in.
From CNN, via C&L:
Wingnut: He’s a fascist.
Roesgen: Why do you say he’s a fascist? He’s the President of the United States. Do you realize how offensive that is?
Wingnut: I think he’s a fascist.
Their erudition is astonishing.
Roesgen: Why?
Wingnut: Because he is.
I was born…with a wanderin’ eye…
What? Sorry. Something tomatoes Jones free trade Smith Texas Kansas Eddie Bauer gahhhhhh.
“You mean Republic with, like, elections to choose our representatives?”
One that follows THE CONSTITUTION with a LIMITED GOVERNMENT, the one given to us by The Founders.
Attention, Has Fascism Come to America?:
Putting your NONSENSICAL ARGUMENTS in CAPITAL LETTERS does not make them any more PERSUASIVE.
Boy, way for the wingnuts to ruin a decent beer.
One that follows THE CONSTITUTION with a LIMITED GOVERNMENT, the one given to us by The Founders.
Oh, OKAY now I KNOW WHAT you MEAN
this IS a Republic, not a Democracy!
Always a tip-off that someone is a Bircher.
this IS a Republic, not a Democracy!
Always a tip-off that someone is a Bircher.
Or a sixth-grader.
Doop-a-doop-a-doo, here I am in town visiting my grandparents and staying at the Renaissance Chicago North Shore Hotel and I get on the elevator, and– ohmigod– it’s stuck! And the repairman says it will take hours to get out of here. So, let’s just see who’s in here with me…
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Wowee Zowee, I’m both!
Boy howdy!
Wyatt is in for some serious teabagging!
Boy it SURE IS liberating to JUST YELL things and REALLY PERSUASIVE too oh man I CAN’T STOP someone help OH GOD what’s going ON NO OH please what WHAT
Mars tax cut!
I can’t STOP YOU guys just RANDOM SLOGANS coming out of my MOUTH HELP
One that follows THE CONSTITUTION with a LIMITED GOVERNMENT, the one given to us by The Founders.
I hope you’ll join my protest march against the ILLEGAL and UNCONSTITUTIONAL boondoggle that is the US Air Force. The constitution clearly, clearly states that congress has the power to create and maintain an army and a navy, but no air force.
Plus the air force is maintained by the military-industrial complex, an anti-competitive gay-marriage of public money to private profit that gets in the way of armed militia defense. (If the government buys F22’s to fight, it’ll put the handgun manufacturers out of business). The MIC is just like that old Krupp-Nazi connection in fascism. Which is what this is all about, right?
no TAXATION without REPRESENTATION musket gonsalves CRISPUS ATTUCKS
I think there’s probably still time to really pound the teabag joke into the ground.
Just go to the nearest rally with a “Gay conservatives for tea-bagging” sign and thank everyone there for being so supportive of conservative man-on-man fellatio.
Just came back from a local tea party.
Did you do a lot of teabagging while you were there?
“Plus the air force is maintained by the military-industrial complex, ”
I agree with the abolition of the air force. Make part of the Navy or Army.
But the Constitution clearly gives the government the right to raise and mantain an army and navy. Spending on this is constitutional, unlike the “stimulus” or Federal Reserve.
THERE WERE NO AIRPLANES IN THE SEVETEEN HUNDREDS
By the way, troll, the lefties have been way ahead of you on the whole “no tax dollars for things I don’t support” whine:
http://www.warresisters.org/pages/piechart.htm
I agree with the abolition of the air force. Make part of the Navy or Army.
It was that fascist Truman who created the Air Force. Prior to that it was the very constitutional U.S. Army Air Forces which was itself preceded by the U.S. Army Air Corps.
Raise and maintain, eh? As a matter of fact, the Constitution says the Congress has the power “To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years;” So yeah, they can be maintained, for up to two years. You can also google “standing army” to get a sense of what the founding fathers thought of them as a concept.
So what?
You renew it every two years.
What about the Fed? It’s at the root of this Big Government disease.
You can also Google “Thomas Jefferson” and “flee” for the concept in action.
It’s important to remember that, unlike a decadent Marxist democracy, we can declare war 50% of the time and don’t give a shit unless a lot of troops are sent far from home.
I mean, doubtless things would be even better if the presence of our glorious troops made us doubly happy, the real America had no more to worry about from government waste than the capital’s fat-cats, and our special forces could achieve what was best for America without the need for fancy-pants diplomacy. But you know, baby steps.
Samuel “Joe ‘the Plumber’ ” Wurzelbacher?
Hey, teabagger, is this you?
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/gallery/2009/04/tax-day-tea-parties.php?img=2
Not-Joe the Not-Plumber.
So you’re willing to shrug off our having a permanent standing army, a thing literally disallowed by the Constitution and with which the founding fathers explicitly disagreed, but tut tut about a central banking system, which is not only not disallowed, the first one was chartered in 1791 by one of the founding fathers? And we should take you seriously as a defender of the Constitutional Republic because…?
“a central banking system, which is not only not disallowed, the first one was chartered in 1791 by one of the founding fathers?”
The Bank of the United States was public.
The Federal Reserve is a PRIVATE CORPORATION!
BTW, the First Bank of the United States only controlled 20% of the money supply.
The Fed controls it ALL!
I have to say that my favorite part about all of this is the idea that this is the Randroids’ Woodstock.
Getting together, performing a ridiculously contrived and corporate-sponsored act of protest that’s simultaneously homoerotic and infantilizing, and then whining about a scary black man wouldn’t even be an improvement on Woodstock ’99. But I imagine they’re quivering with the naughtiness of it all, patting one another’s indefatigable backs for one-upping the dirty fucking hippies.
It’s not a party if you have to pay to see a boob. (See also Odom’s precious little Sam Adams dinners.) Shit, I’ve got the social life of a Chinese wino and I know that.
0:51
0:53
This is the time duration it took him to look it up on Wikipedia.
No respondin’ to the twoll without ‘St.’ in front of your name. It makes baby Black Jesus cry.
Looks more like Bob Dole getting a blowjob.
The invocation of John Galt is what rules for me. “That guy that was supersmart and went off and did his own thing with the other smarty pantses until the world collapsed without his genius? Me and my teabaggy friends are totally like that!”
Good comments from around the intertubes:
“Teabagging Day – the Festival of the Testicle”
“Republican Teabaggers: Rabble Without a Cause”
“I’ll bet they’re wishing they had a COMMUNITY ORGANIZER now.”
FreedomWanks issues a “warning” to protestors: “DON’T BE DUPED! The term “teabagging” has strong sexual connotations. Be wary of anyone with a camera asking you if you are a “teabagger” or if you enjoy “teabagging” or similar leading questions – they are trying to make a fool of you.” (Emphasis mine, though hardly needed.)
And then, from me, a request for a collaborative work on the part of S,N! bloggers and commenters: this epochal event should not go unmemorialized. I keep thinking how sad it would be if the only music commemorating this day ended up being that dreck from Lloyd Marcus. So, I humbly suggest that we collaborate on a more appropriate song, something to the tune of “The Green Berets”. And here’s a suggested first verse:
Whiny babies, still obsessed,
With the idea, that they’re oppressed,
Supine white males, some real tail-waggers,
Proudly proclaim they’re all tea-baggers.
You guys pitch in and let’s see what we can come up with. And feel free to improve upon the suggested first verse or chuck altogether if it doesn’t fit.
NONPARTISAN ALL-AMERICAN TEA BAGGING
The question remains why anyone should take you seriously as a defender of the Constitution when you pick and choose your outrages? Or care about your opinion at all?
this is the Randroids’ Woodstock.
Wadstock?
It’s not a party if you have to pay to see a boob.
If I may reprise my comment from yesteday, SHOW US YOUR TETLEY’S!
Oolong marchers brought by bus
Fearless men hitch up their truss
Men who mean some things they say
The brave men of Teabag Day
this is the Randroids’ Woodstock.
Wadstock?
Wankstock?
Home-made buttons upon their chest
Men who wheeze and take a rest
One hundred men teabag today
One hundred came on Teabag Day
Hmm.
As regards this “Sammie” event, wouldn’t they make more money if they charged people for NOT attending?
Trained to live off noodles canned
Trained to march, to marching bands
Weighty men, the scales must say
Earn Nutty Wings on Teabag Day
Back at home a young wife waits
On Teabag Day, a bitter fate
Her man has tried another way
Leaving her on Teabag Day
Nice additions, RB. Only three more verses and we’ll have it.
Mouths agape in howls of rage
O’er higher tax on higher wage
Faithful dupes who’ll gladly gag
To get a taste of rich douche teabag.
Right wingers do that all the time. Even when they’re not trolling, like say in the comments section of a centrist newspaper. It’s really weird.
See also Darwin’s seminal work —
On the ORIGIN of SPECIES by Means of NATURAL SELECTION!!,or the Preservation of FAVOURED RACES in the STRUGGLE for LIFE!!1!
“Put Nutty Wings on my son’s chest
Have him foul America’s nest
Make him a man of whom they’ll say
‘I want him!’ for Teabag Day”
Looks more like Bob Dole getting a blowjob.
Thank you very little for that. No doubt the award is furious ugly, tho – it doesn’t help that the whole big-head caricature thing is a special unfavorite of mine.
RB – love the first two lines…for the second two, I suggest:
Make him a man who wears the tag
Of a guy who’s proud that he teabags.
My apologies, Jennifer, for taking your more political idea in an entirely juvenile direction.
Apologies? For what?
The more juvenile the better is what I always say. I particularly love the bit about “have him foul America’s nest” and perhaps even more, the line “one hundred came on Teabag Day.”
I have to say that my favorite part about all of this is the idea that this is the Randroids’ Woodstock.
Especially funny since at one point I stumbled across an essay Rand wrote on Woodstock (“Apollo and Dionysius”, sadly not online) and the impression was that the very concept of the Woodstock Festival caused her to froth at the mouth (and quite possibly other orifices).
—Meely LaBauve
What is the story behind the exposed “44 deceased Oregonian voters”? Are these people who died after mailing in their absentee ballot?
Wait a second- technically in a few of those awards a person could obey the rules and still basically crank them- and what would a Randian admire more than a person who doesn’t let things like rules defeat their uncomprimising vision- except you know have the strength of will to rape a woman into loving you (seriously for some reason my Fountainhead Essay on how Objectism is a philosophical justification for sociopathy didn’t win me a Scholarship).
Wouldn’t video short about how the War in Iraq and the Bloated Defense budget is driving us in to debt- fit the criteria to the letter. Or better yet a Tea Party on a Local Issue- seriously that’s so unrestricted you could plug any protest imaginable in there- no specifics at all- heck you could read the Speech everyone skips in Atlas Shrugs aloud and probably win.
Loving the videos.
I made it through :45 of the first offering. I just couldn’t take it. It was like watching a retarded chimp trying explain doctorate-level calculus using nothing but the words “like” and “uh” and “because.” Our children is most definitely not learning.
The second video is deceptive, thus the 1:45 tolerance — the first :30 or so was just the sound of a furnace in need of a tune up. A decade ago. And I love how the background music had to stop every time another random sound came on. Nice touch, that.
The last one was … well, dear fucking lord. What the fuck was that? I just … I don’t … uh … just … fuckity blartfuck. That lasted :32
Although, now that I think about it, Borg Thad and Asimo Amy are actually the perfect modern American conservative: lifeless forms ready to repeat whatever they’re told, lacking all sense of irony and self awareness, clueless about anything us living, breathing people consider reality, and quite happy just to live in it’s own little world.
Damn … they may actually have something there.
(Sorry for the thesis. Sheesh … )
How many bags would a teabagger bag, if a teabagger could bag tea?
Sorry…
Elizabeth Crum of Las Vegas, Nevada, won the $2,500 Blogivist of the Year Award for successfully embodying the “Say Something, Do Something” spirit of Blogivists.com
The guy who twitters his flatulence should have won.
What the hell is that Austro-hungarian dude talking about? Radical primitivists? Teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to read philosophy!
I really adored the collective “Ballad of the Green Beret” parody, but my question is: is the Sam Adams brewery involved with this mess? Not that it would disturb my own drinking habits if they were–I live on the left coast and can name like a dozen breweries I’d patronize first–but I do travel, and sometimes Sam Adams is the only thing you can get that’s remotely like actual beer at airports, restaurants, etc.
Do not mock Australopithetarian!
After all, there is a secret Judeocommunomuslim world government (comprised of NATO, the CIA, the UN and Media Matters) running the world, so the laws that apply federally and across the world are exactly the same. Therefore FREE TRADE.
“Teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to read philosophy!”
Philosophy’s fine. Any Random’s another matter, unless they have to write an essay trying to illustrate how it would work with (relevant) references.
#
Has Fascism Come to America? said,
April 16, 2009 at 0:51
““a central banking system, which is not only not disallowed, the first one was chartered in 1791 by one of the founding fathers?”
The Bank of the United States was public.
The Federal Reserve is a PRIVATE CORPORATION!”
So the Fed should be nationalized? Sounds reasonable to me, but are you sure your GOP News Carny pals will be happy with that?
I’m so behind the times, I honestly thought the Sammies was a food award from Rachael Ray.