I Really Can’t Say I’m Surprised
ABOVE: Uncle Jimbo (center) and fellow platoon members on deployment in New Jersey
I mean, really, did anyone expect that the right-wing bloggers would take the hostage rescue this weekend lying down? They didn’t have any choice but to construct some fictive explanation that would be consistent with their deeply-held notion that Obama is a liberal wussie who could never bring himself to do anything bad to his fellow Muslim jihadists. Certainly we could predict that these explanations would be delivered with lots of snorts, snuffles and other barnyard noises, as well as with the obligatory references to Obama’s crazy preacher and his terrorist BFF, all the better to distract everyone’s attention from the sheer and utter lunacy of whatever their central premise was to explain away Obama’s role in the rescue.
Nor was it really surprising that alleged milblogger Uncle Jimbo would be leading the charge. But even I was surprised at what Jimbo concocted to take the sting off this 90 mile-per-hour face slap to Jimbo’s world-view. So before reading further, please remove all sharp or blunt objects in your vicinity (or anything else that you could use to deliver a crushing blow to your monitor or, worse, your own forehead). Have you done that yet? If so, venture below the fold, if you dare.
The AP is reporting that President Obama gave the order to use military force to rescue the hostage, that is misleading. … He did affirm the military’s authorization to use force if the captain’s life was in danger, but they already would have had that authorization as part of their standard rules of engagement. If there are innocents about to be slaughtered the same reasoning that authorizes self defense also covers an imminent execution unless the ROE specifically forbid it.The AP is making it sound like there was an active rescue ordered by the President. It was not, there was an imminent threat and the local commander gave the order to fire.
Okay, stop hitting your forehead with the heel of your palm. It won’t make Jimbo’s stupid go away and will just leave an embarrassing red blotch on your face that you’ll have to explain by making up a bar brawl or something. Now, unlike Uncle Jimbo, I haven’t been a sergeant in the National Guard arranging food service, or whatever the fuck he was, but I think I’ve still got a better handle on the ROE than he does. Because, you see, what Jimbo doesn’t tell you is that the ROE in question didn’t allow for the use of deadly force in this situation if there was a possibility of civilian injury. In other words, these ROE didn’t permit accidentally killing the hostage to save him. Duh.
But Jimbo only spins further out into orbit with this:
Since I already explained that Obama’s part in this was apparently to reinforce the authority already possessed by the on scene commander. Matter of fact if there was a second communication with the President it nay have been because his first order actually restricted them from taking action i.e. why nothing happened when Phillips made his escape attempt. Regardless, Obama did not order a rescue and I kinda doubt he would have.
“And I kinda doubt that he would have [ordered a rescue].” Obviously, Barry X Mohammed Hussein Ahmed Obama wasn’t going to endanger his Muslim buddies in order to save an infidel. In fact, if he said anything during all this it was just to tell the ship’s CO that he was in no circumstances allowed to shoot at any Muslims. And all the press reports saying that Obama approved the rescue operation are simply lies concocted by Muslim-loving press lackeys who would blow themselves up in a kindergarten if Mullah Obama told them to.
I think we can now safely conclude that Uncle Jimbo’s only relevant military experience was his participation as an orc in an LOTR-themed live-action role playing game in a field behind the mall in Lower East Ratdropping, New Jersey.
I get the feeling Jimbo was out in the woods near Woodcliffe Lake shooting paintballs and pretending he was a Navy SEAL…KA-POW! KA-POW! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap! PTWING! PTWING!
AWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
(that was Jimbo lighting his celebratory fart)
If Sarah Palin was President she would have immediately given the order to nuke Somalia as soon as it was reported that a vessel named Alabama was going near Somalia, you know, preventativelaciously.
President Palin would have shot the pirates herself. She can see Somalia’s coast from Alaska.
From Wasilla, you can see Somalia – and the head of Putin rises up over the Gulf of Mexico. Seriously, when them pirates start stealing ships, where do you think those ships are? In the ocean. You know what state has a lot of ocean around it?
HawaiiAlaska – youbetcha!If Sarah Palin was President, she would have threatened the pirates with marriage to her daughter.
If you’re such a big shot, mister Chicago elitist, what do you think that wet stuff in Illinois is? It’s fresh! They call it a “great” lake, but the only truly great lakes are in the real America.
Seriously, I’d call this one a pretty neat distinction between ‘actual militarists’ and ‘right-wing cunts with an authority fetish’. The anti-piracy operation was as close to a model success as you could get without building a trillion-dollar destroyer fleet primarily to police China’s backyard.
My favorite thing, as usual, is their running around squawking about how Obama lost the firefight, and then after it turned out we won it squawking about him being so uppity as to win it. This little fantasia is a neat way of having both be true at once.
Obama obviously wouldn’t have ordered the shot because he’s a liberal coward. You know, just like every other person the Democrats ever vaguely suggested running since 1950.
If Sarah Palin was President she would have…
Waitasecond, she’d need to run down to Sacks and get one of those cool jackets with the buckles and epaulets that look all tough and martial – CHARGE it!
mikey
A little off-topic, but: stay classy, Poland.
Ooooohh. Someone put red bull in the hamster’s water bottle.
She’ll also need the best assless field marshal outfit they have in Todd’s size. You know, because real Americans are war heroes too.
U.S. rules of engagement prevent the Americans using their vastly superior fighting power to engage the pirates if there is any danger to civilians.
Yep. Nothing to change there. That would explain why DefSec Gates suggested the change in ROE: because there wasn’t one needed.
This is why I don’t trust theology. There are always going to be idiots like Jimbo who will tell the same story no matter how many times they are struck by lightning.
Shorter wingnuts: Goddammit, I compiled all this stuff about the failed helicopter rescue under Carter … now what am I supposed to do with it?! *Sulks away, plays with poop*
“…stay classy, Poland.”
And I thought today was going to go by without my normal Great Big Laff. Well done, alec.
#El Cid said,
April 14, 2009 at 21:17
If Sarah Palin was President she would have immediately given the order to nuke Somalia as soon as it was reported that a vessel named Alabama was going near Somalia, you know, preventativelaciously.
Arbusto #41 invaded panama on a slimmer pretext than that. Iirc, the proximal casus belli was the report that a (blonde) American woman had been detained at a Panamian checkpoint…
This chair would go with Jim’s war room decor.
That is not a sharp stick and I’m not sticking it in my eye. OWWWW
That is not a sharp stick and I’m not sticking it in my eye. OWWWW
That is not a sharp stick and I’m not sticking it in my eye. OWWWW
That is not a sharp stick and I’m not sticking it in my eye. OWWWW
The Poles have much more important things to worry about than whether some wogs will be offended.
Yea, but the Chinese have us beat with anti-pirate technology: http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2009-04/14/content_11184581.htm
Thousands of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden, the China Radio International reported on Monday.
The Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China’s fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China’s.
The suspected pirates ships stopped and then turned away. The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins.
“We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.
I could have gotten him a non-gay elephant for 20 million zlotys, tops.
Self-described conservatives really are idiots world-wide, aren’t they?
Dude, you can just get a straight elephant drunk for 100 zlotys. It’s not like they’re gonna know if you’re giving them shitty wodka.
I could have gotten him a non-gay elephant for 20 million zlotys, tops.
Well, d’uh. All them zlotys were for decorating the elephant house, and you know how oblivious straight male elephants are to their surroundings. Ninio, however has absolutely fabulous taste in decor.
Qucik, call my agent – I’ve got a great new book idea:
Ninio, the Gay Polish Elephant
Let’s face it, Bible Spice would have choppered in wearing an eyepatch and one of those big Captain Morgan coats, and then said, “Wait–which side are we supposed to be on, again? I thought pirates were cool!” And then she would have squeezed out another twatwaffle.
” If there are innocents about to be slaughtered the same reasoning that authorizes self defense also covers an imminent execution unless the ROE specifically forbid it.”
I think he’s referring to the ROE v. WADE.
The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins.
I can sympathize. I’ve seen dolphin erections.
It’s like the Stupid Meter got filled under Jimbo there, and he had enough Stupid to pull off a Stupid Combo.
Even better:
Gaybar’s Picnic
Best of all:
Gaybar the Queen
I’m beginning to realize that these sort of people will look for any little thing that could be construed as a negative for Obama. Case in point:
Actually, I’d like to train the current president to avoid the personal pronoun. His announcement yesterday about the resolution of the pirate kidnapping on the high seas was full of “I’m proud of the Navy and its . . .”. All previous presidential speechwriters and . . . well, yes . . . presidents soon learned to avoid the ego pronouns a bit and say things such as “The American people have reason to be very proud of . . .”
Obama tends to speak to and about everyone as if he’s the father and they’re the children, awaiting his every morsel of praise or censure. (But I’m sure the U.S. Navy is very relieved that HE is proud of them.)
At this point all I’m hoping for is that whichever wingnut these guys will endorse in upcoming elections will never come close to being in power.
Those Polish teachers ought to start with independent light bulb installation before they move onto drowning Turks.
Careful readers of the Chinese article on the dolphins may also note that 3 Chinese warships were escorting the vessel, and they too may have had a somewhat discouraging effect on that day’s pirate venture.
Mission accomplished, one might say.
PS: Important to remember that what the President thinks is meaningless to the military, because unlike us civilians, he’s not their commander in chief.
If Staff Gunnery Sergeant Major Colonel General Field Marshal Commodore Jimbo or any of those other fools had been running things, that captain’s wife would be buying her dress for the funeral right now.
Look, we got nothing to do with this guy, OK? Stop giving our town a bad name.
So, basically, y’all think McCain would be ‘indisposed’ and Palin would be preznit by now, had they won? Hmmm….
I’m beginning to realize that these sort of people will look for any little thing that could be construed as a negative for Obama. Case in point:
To add to that, from Ewick the WedStater’s Twits:
Who named the dog? And whose dog is it, again?
Also from Ash Wing League’s find: If Mr. Obama’s not your Prez, you should be happy he’s not speaking for “all” the American people.
“The current president.” Heh indeedly-dilley-diddley-boo-yah, LOOOSER!!
If Brian Boitano were president
Deep in the pirates’ lair
He’d use his magic fire breath
And save the captain fair.
Cos Brian Boitano doesn’t take shit from an-e-y-body.
Is there anywhere conservatives won’t go to make themselves look stupid? (I know, dumb question.) For the numb fuck in Poland who’s got his panties in a wad about the gay elephant:
**********************
The life of the adult male is very different. As he gets older, he begins to spend more time at the edge of the herd, gradually going off on his own for hours or days at a time. Eventually, days become weeks, and somewhere around the age of fourteen, the mature male, or bull, sets out from his natal group for good. While males do live primarily solitary lives, they will occasionally form loose associations with other males. These groups are called bachelor herds. The males spend much more time than the females fighting for dominance with each other. Only the most dominant males will be permitted to breed with cycling females. The less dominant ones must wait their turn. It is usually the older bulls, forty to fifty years old, that do most of the breeding.
******************
Man as Nature’s last word, indeed. Jeebus on toast points. Where’s the fucking Tylenol?
i do not condone turk drowning.
but, i wanted to be sure that you all saw the name of the competition for which the turk drowning math problem was written: “International Mathematical Kangaroo competition.”
huh?
Well, I _do_ condone turk drowning (unless they’re young and lovely turkesses, of course, but that goes without saying), but when it comes to the name of the competition, let’s not jump to conclusions (get it? eh? oh, I kill myself!)- it probably refers to a competition similar in nature to those well-known Liberal Fascist-Communist “Kangaroo Courts” wherein the verdict of “Gay or Death” is pre-ordained. Where was I again? Oh, yes – thank you Jeffrey Cartman, for a bright spot in an otherwise pretty miserable day. I’m playing the soundtrack now, thanks to you.
You know, I keep looking at the picture above, struggling to hold my silence, and I just can’t do it anymore.
I used to be a LARPer. Under the right circumstances of time and money, I probably would be again.
The big difference between Jimbo and LARPers is that LARPers have a better grasp on reality.
Cycling female elephants . . . Cool.
Well, it beats the math question from last years International Mathematical Kangaroo competition:
How many Turks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The answer of course is two. But it has to be a very large light bulb and if they are of the same sex they won’t be allowed in the zoo.