Publick Notice
If you’ve been annoyed by comments showing up late, or if any have disappeared entirely (this might have happened a very small number of times), I can’t think of anyone offhand to comedy-blame for the problem, but the…okay, no, THE STORM IS COMING where the gays will force their comment-filtering software straight down your throat. IS YOUR SERVER PREPARED?
This is among the problems that seem to be fixed by now, after days in which THE GAYS did their best to ruin everyone’s enjoyment by writing web pages slowly with their fussy and overexpensive fountain pens, causing pages to be boringly late in loading. Those responsible have been sacked, or whatever they call it these days.
Another equally annoying thing is that I’ve sucked at replying to messages. This happens periodically, when I realize with a sort of dusty flash like an old flash bulb popping that things we’ve been getting and reading, and clicking links from and hella appreciating, aren’t being adequately reciprocated, and I try to make Clif and Brad help bail me out as I sit guiltily composing this exact paragraph in my head, wondering how we manage to keep the readers we have.
If we haven’t yet written back to something you’ve sent, you’ll just have to send another thing, and it will serve the dual aim of being genius and making us confront our guilt and atone.
Check out the gat-teeth1 on this guy:
I’m annoyed that my comments haven’t been funnier. Will your software fixes address this issue?
So do we have new, superpowered hamsters now?
with a sort of dusty flash like an old flash bulb
I think a reference to an old flash cube would have been better.
Please reply to this by sending me a lengthy email.
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
“epic,” “smack” “Karl Rove” and “blow” are all in this sentence, just not in the right place.
Gosh, only 4 comments and another graduate of the Krauthammer Laughing Academy checks in. Soo-ee baby.
Following Gavin’s link, I see that the baguettes’ little meme is Taxed Enough Already (T.E.A.). I think it’s time for some counter-memes.
Teh Endlessly Amusing
Totally Emasculated Assholes
Timidity Equals Action
Bonus Killer Fact: “Ace of spades” is British slang for the hoo-ha.
Ten points and a unicorn for handy!
I see that the baguettes’ little meme is Taxed Enough Already (T.E.A.).
Taxed Enough Already But Almost Going Galt Is No Good
Taxation Equals Servitude To Indifferent Congressional Legislators! Enough!
April 15th is coming up. How many of you are going to voluntarily pay more taxes than you own?
*crickets*
Supportive Christian Republicans Of The United Majority
A couple of bumper stickers from Patriot Depot:
Got a Birth Certificate?
Bums Accepting Illicit Loot—Obama Underwriting Theft! (BAILOUT). Catchy.
And a must-have book if you’re really down with the movement:
I can feel the joy right here, right now.
And of course,
Barack’s Unintelligent Targeted Taxation Offends Conservative Key Supporters
I own so many taxes, I give them cute names and loan them to my friends, telling them to return them whenever they like. I love those taxes to the maxes!
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
Oh, was that the one where he {snicker} clutched his pearls and decried the idea of a VP going on the TV and telling lies? I thought it was the re-playing of an earlier cut from the 2001-2008 era.
“April 15th is coming up. How many of you are going to voluntarily pay more taxes than you own?”
Well since I would get a refund, but I’m not filing my taxes for a variety of reasons, I am voluntarily paying more taxes than I owe, ergo, go fuck yourself.
I did. Of course, the government appreciated the gesture but sadly gave back the extra in the form of a “tax rebate”.
Why don’t you return the rebate, N.C., if you believe taxes should be higher and the government should take more of our money?
April 15th is coming up. How many of you are going to voluntarily pay more taxes than you own?
I own taxes? where am I keeping the little buggers?
I considered it, but who am I to argue with the wishes of my beautiful savior, the Obamessiah?
<““…You should not exaggerate and lie like this when you are the Vice President of the United States.”
yes, it’s quite a smack-down. I bet that really stung Mr. Cheney.
Why don’t you return the rebate, N.C., if you believe taxes should be higher and the government should take more of our money?
Why do war-supporting douchebags want tree-hugging pinkos to finance their wars of aggression?
Tongue-jacking Elite Americans, or TEABAGging Ersatz Aristocrats = Beggared Americans Gravied
“Why don’t you return the rebate, N.C., if you believe taxes should be higher and the government should take more of our money?”
Oh yeah? Well if you think tax cuts are so great, why don’t you MARRY THEM?
If there were a demand for tax cuts, then there would be a market for them.
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
No.
And that’s the point, isn’t it? No one who isn’t already batshit insane is listening to any of your douchebags anymore. So expect to get that answer to pretty much any question you ask regarding if anyone else saw some imaginary “oh, SNAP” moment on Fox, or heard one from Rush, etc etc etc. I see your future…and it looks like total irrelevance…
On behalf of our secret cyberarmy, I apologize to all and sundry (excepting the troll). SadlyNo! is the victim of friendly fire, unfortunate collateral damage in our war on marriage. As Mr. Rumsfeld says, stuff happens.
Also, PENIS.
The creative director at my first copywriting job would have rejected this phraseology as sounding “too Jewish.” (Of course he was Jewish. Why do you ask?)
I know this isn’t a very clever or cute rejoinder to the whole “Americans hate taxes and don’t want to pay more” teabagging festivities, but this premise skips the whole democracy thing.
You know, where 1 candidate said he would cut taxes for rich people, another said he would raise taxes on rich people and cut them for everyone else.
AND WE VOTED FOR THE ONE WE WANTED!!!! And he’s doing exactly what he said he would–tax wise, at least.
I used to own a buncha taxes.
But I had to pay taxes on them.
So I sold ’em off. Of course, that sale generated income, so I had to pay taxes on ’em again even though I don’t own ’em anymore.
But now that I don’t own taxes anymore I don’t have the tax burden associated with tax ownership.
It is much better this way…
mikey
I was just watching this video at TPM wherein Lawrence ODonnell skullfucks Pat Buchanan about the Notre Dame thing. All well and good but I noticed that when the host is shown full screen, and the colors and shadows are wafting by in the background, there’s a very still spermatozoon about to enter his ear. Why is that, I wonder?
<”“…You should not exaggerate and lie like this when you are the Vice President of the United States.”
Rove actually said this? With a straight face? No lightning from heaven striking him down? Ok, I have all the proof I need – There Is No God!!
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
No, and neither did you.
Go play.
Taxed Enough Already – so, that t-shirt is for the top 5% who don’t want their taxes increased? Well, it’s a free country, and I support the rights of rich people to say whatever stupid shit they want.
I plan to wear a t-shirt on the 15th that says, “Teabag Me, I’m A Liberal.”
Tongue-jacking Elite Americans, or TEABAGging Ersatz Aristocrats = Beggared Americans Gravied
Winner.
“You know, where 1 candidate said he would cut taxes for rich people, another said he would raise taxes on rich people and cut them for everyone else.
AND WE VOTED FOR THE ONE WE WANTED!!!! And he’s doing exactly what he said he would–tax wise, at least.”
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
Did anyone else see the epic smackdown Karl Rove gave to your blowhard VP?
No, but apparently he got into a slapfight with a former GOP staffmember.
http://www.politico.com/blogs/anneschroeder/0409/Karl_Rove_accosted_by_ex_GOP_Chief_of_Staff.html
I heard that white paste bruises very easily.
I love being a tool for the richest 1% fat, white, rich white guys because I hope to be a cabin boy on some rich, white, fat white guy’s yacht some day so I can get close to one of them and smell their money. I love imagining that I am somehow benefitting from the Screw America policies that Republicans follow.
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
Answer: Yes. Love it or leave it.
And…
“the other 49” ? Please…..
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
It depends. If you’re one of 49 and I’m in the 51ers, it’s fine with me.
I was just watching this video at TPM wherein Lawrence ODonnell skullfucks Pat Buchanan about the Notre Dame thing. All well and good but I noticed that when the host is shown full screen, and the colors and shadows are wafting by in the background, there’s a very still spermatozoon about to enter his ear. Why is that, I wonder?
I think somebody splooged on the camera lens.
By the way, I just love this “controversy.” It’s so “controversial” for a fucking private university to invite the fucking President of the United Fucking States of America to be a speaker.
I mean, this is not Ah-meni-doo-dad or someone who has personally aborted fetuses or something, IT’S THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING UNITED FUCKING STATES OF AMERICA. Jeesus, these people are such idiots.
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
Let’s put it this way: I’d be a lot more OK with that than I would be in the scenario where there are 100 people, and 5 of them voted to STEAL from the other 95, which is pretty much what’s been going on for the past 30 years.
Funny, if I was to describe the G.W. Bush years, it would be the top 1% of wealthy Americans stealing from and destroying the futures of everyone else.
Hey, you don’t have to believe me, just listen to the shrub.
Anyone who thinks that taxation=stealing is too fucking stupid to live and does not deserve anything but pity.
Also, what Jennifer said.
I vote we steal from anyone who calls us “lemmings” after they spent the past eight years teabagging W.
Commie Atheist – I suggest you save your pity for people who are more deserving of it.
Creamed Red-Cockaded Woodpecker with Pickled Broccolis
I didn’t have a name for this concoction so my boyfriend’s friend named it the Mother of All Cuddly Things That Really Bite Hard. It is. Make sure to get a big glass of milk.
Ingredients:
1 bunch red-cockaded woodpecker, casuistically jellied
1 broccoli
3 cans gorgeous ginger
4 bags God-damned dingo nose, iced
1 bag mint
7 cups maple syrup
Pre-heat your George Foreman grill to 60 Kelvin. Pick over the ingredients and discard excess flannel. Place the red-cockaded woodpecker into a large bowl. Stir the broccoli with the ginger over high heat in a wok. Stuff the resulting goo into the red-cockaded woodpecker. Jelly – very goadingly – the dingo nose, mint, and the maple syrup. Knead everything together believingly. Fry in squaretail oil for 134 hours. Serves 7 amazon enemies with bleeding stomachs.
“I like paying taxes. With them I buy civilization.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes”
Tongue-jacking Elite Americans, or TEABAGging Ersatz Aristocrats = Beggared Americans Gravied
Going for the low hanging fruit? Cherry picking. in other words. None the less, it’s a family of jewels. ‘Taint nuttin wrong wit dat.
Is this perhaps the first incidence of an instruction in a JanusNode recipe which actually sounds like something which would be in a recipe?
I love how decisions reached through the democratic process are automatically called “stealing” or “oppression” or whatever the moment they don’t go the way the WATB right-wing wants.
Freedumb! The other political value!
i’m organizing a protest against social security being public. We want to privatize it!! now is the time!!! the government is stealing our future! Who is with me?
the name of this organization, you ask?
well, we wanted something musical that symbolized the american sousa-esque ideal, but something that also said: social security is old and decrepit.
please bring your old musical instruments to our “rusty trombone” (Real unstupid super true young terrific redstate old moneyed bad nose eaters) parade this weekend. we will be on the mall tromboning all over the people.
Oh, and Mr. Buchanan? DIAF, you fucking fuck. That’s the PRESIDENT you’re calling a mass-murderer. If you’re gonna go there, at least accuse him for the deaths he’s CAUSED, you fuck.
Also, Hairy P. Ness. God bless MO.
I tried, but I ran out of liquid nitrogen.
Also, Hairy P. Ness. God bless MO.
They’re big on these types of pranks in the midwest. Heywood Jablomi had a telephone listing in the Fairfield, IA phone book for several years.
I just don’t know how, in this long list of pantomine characters, the pranksters managed to leave out Heywood…or Juan Hugh Jorgan.
The site (for me) is still slow as molasses to load. I was going to say as slow as Betty Brown’s brain but that didn’t seem a fair comparison.
How many of you are going to voluntarily pay more taxes than you own?
Texas? You wanna know who’s moving to Texas?!?
Hey, I like Austin well enough. And Hill Country barbecue’s about the best there is.
But that doesn’t mean I’d ever wanna live there.
Oh mais non, mon chere, that would be terrible!!
Good thing it’s 52 people voting to request that maybe 3 or four out of the other 47 pitch in and pay their share for the society all 99 share, then.
(The 100th person either voted to spend the money on a Ten Commandments statue for their courthouse, or investigations into how much thermite the ZOGs used on 9/11, depending on how you reduce the data.)
Oh, and Mr. Buchanan? DIAF, you fucking fuck. That’s the PRESIDENT you’re calling a mass-murderer. If you’re gonna go there, at least accuse him for the deaths he’s CAUSED, you fuck.
As O’Donnell pointed out, Buchanan is happy to give a pass to Bush for his state-sanctioned murders of death-row inmates, and the “collateral damage” killing of innocent civilians in Iraq, but not to Obama for his moderately-liberal support of abortion. Take the plank out of your own fucking eye first, asshole.
Oh no, not teh gheys!! You know, wingnuts never fail to look and act scandalized when I mention that I have a gay Muslim brother-in-law. I love it. I love my brother-in-law too, but the reaction just cracks me up, especially since we don’t even think twice about it in my family…LOL.
Commie–exactly. Far too many planks in the wingnut eyes these days (well, in most eras, but these days too).
gay equality special rights dhimmi Obamania AIDS Orwell sad BLART in our faces
Only those who fully agree with Pope Benedict’s position on condom use should be allowed onto the Notre Dame campus.
I agree with the Pope that he and his fellow officials should never be allowed to have sex again.
Taxation is not theft.
PROPERTY IS THEFT!!!
Schlussel commenter californiascreaming:
A good, pressing question about the egg, one best resolved by the internets’ leading semiotician, Ann Althouse.
I plan to wear a t-shirt on the 15th that says, “Teabag Me, I’m A Liberal.”
Or: I got yer teabag … right here!
Jennifer, don’t forget Hugh G. Rection.
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
Does the term “Sore-Loserman” ring a bell with anyone?
PS: I trust the proprietors have seen this: http://jezebel.com/5207130/gotcha-pregnancies-advice-goddesses-are-anything-but
It being Good Friday and all, perhaps we should take a few minutes to learn about the Catholic church.
Lookit Brent Bozell go nuts over Family Guy by totally ripping
FoxABC a new one!I think KING HUSSEIN COBRAMA should go back to school and understand the purpose of marriage. Doesn’t an easter egg symbolize the rebirth
I think California’s Creaming needs to learn about how egg production usually works… you know, how unmarried, unbred hens in large female-only colonies lay sterile eggs.
Erm, link:
http://townhall.com/columnists/BrentBozell/2009/04/10/foxs_comedic_genius?page=full&comments=true
The homosexual agenda has just informed me of the April 15 same sex tax day kiss in.
They make no mention of teabagging.
PeeJ said,
April 10, 2009 at 21:45
Funny, because it’s true.
So, ABC gets reamed because they didn’t condemn Family Guy, but Fox, WHICH ACTUALLY BROADCASTS THE SHOW, doesn’t even get an honorable mention as a purveyor of filth?
That’s why I love conservatives – as stupid as you think they are, they constantly prove themselves to be even stupider.
Oh this is precious: via TPM, Maggie Gallagher’s NOM names their campaign 2M4M. Perhaps they were inspired by the teabaggers.
Umm, I try rarely if not never to post links to my own stuff here, but this one ain’t about Megan or me.
The police violently busted a protest at my grad school in NYC today. There’s not much I can do except provide some context and spread the word a little. There’s video at the end of my rant that you maybe should watch first, if only to help understand why I’m not being snarky for once.
R-Bub started drinking early today, I see….
Maggie Gallagher’s NOM names their campaign 2M4M
Self-pwning wingnuts?
They make no mention of teabagging.
Perhaps it’s in code.
While you’re at it Gavin, please apologize for not writing the article a few down from this one, in such a way that I would notice all of those books in that room behind the Turdblossom.
I mean seriously, that’s a hella lotta books! Who knew Regnery had published so many.
2M4M sks closeted christian hero for Haggarding.
2M4M … must have own wetsuit and selection of dildos
Bwa!
From PeeJ’s TPM link … Someone took the http://2m4m.org/ domain name and created the site “Two Men For Marriage.”
National Organization for Marriage: Yur doin it rong.
So libs, how much of our income in taxes would be a “fair share”?
Try to answer this seriously if you can. Instead of juvenile penis and poop jokes or such.
I already pày half my income in taxes when you add up federal, state, and local taxes. And I make $65,000 before taxes. Is that a “fair share” for a person with my income? Are people who make my salary overtaxed, or undertaxed?
I doubt I will get a serious, adult answer from any of you. Libs are incapable of serious policy debates.
Blartmark this, liblartals!
TPer—
We will answer your query only if you phrase it in medieval Norwegian.
TPartier should be glad that President Obama’s going to give him a tax cut.
Like I said, no serious, adult answers.
Half of you must either be English majors at some third rate public university, ethnic “studies” majors at a fourth rate one, or still live in your mother’s basement while you pilfer food stamps.
Grow up, children.
I actually make quite a bit more money than you. FYI.
The Google brings us this.
Libs are incapable of serious policy debates.
says the guy who comes to a snarky humor site on a holiday weekend looking for ‘serious policy debates’
Plus, if you’re making 65 K and paying half of your income in taxes, your accountant SUCKS. I demand to see vault copy tax returns!!
Very good! Because your income is a bigger number than Tea Partier’s income.
BO is also giving a “tax cut” (welfare checks) to people who don’t pay federal taxes!
A REAL tax cut is a rate reduction, not some social engineering “rebate”.
Oh sure eat my comment but not teabag boy.
It’s always an encouragement to healthy debate when you complete your “reasoned” proposed theory by preemptively insulting the people you propose to debate.
What’s your general experience with that, Tpartier? When you troll rightwing blogs, and challenge them with a straw-man question, followed by a note that you hardly expect them to be able to meet your brilliant challenge, what kind of response do you get?
You seem to be practiced in this debating technique. How’s it been working for you?
Instead of juvenile penis and poop jokes or such.
That’s not a complete sentence.
No regular here has ever, to my knowledge, done such a thing. Making jokes about a juvenile’s penis borders on child porn. That’s kinda creepy. You’re one sick coprophile fuckwad, you are.
Teabagger learned about me when he was sent home from the public library and told to get a shower or never come back again.
They love my sense of humor in the Dominican Republic.
Teh stoopid! It BURNS!
See, there’s no sinister, underlying reason people don’t want to seriously engage TPer. It’s because, he’s not worth engaging. He’s more than proven that already. The most recent spewage of wrong is mere icing on the cake.
P.S. Should we tell him that the Earned Income Credit was enacted by Ford and then reenacted and expanded by Reagan? Do you think his head would explode?
Also eating zombie comments
FYWP in an easter bonnet.
Even a zombie knows that if you’re making 65K and paying half your income in taxes, your accountant SUCKS.
I demand to see vault copy tax returns IMMEDIATELY!!!
Make sure your bank account information is clear.
As a serious adult who pretends to be a zombie, I will proffer a serious, adult answer:
I believe TP should be paying the amount in taxes that he already pays. Then, I believe he should be paying me the rest. Cough it up, deadbeat!!
So, Zombie, you think I should get an accountant so I can pay less taxes to the federal government? So you think its ok to avoid as much taxes as possible?
Hhhmmmm….
…and there’s the tell.
Like a dog returning to its own vomit, Troof just can’t quit, can he?
What an idiot.
Hey fucktard, do you have any idea who invented the Earned Income Credit?
So you think its ok to avoid as much taxes as possible?
You should pay no taxes whatsoever. Just refuse, that’ll show ’em. Refuse to pay sales tax, too, if you’re really serious. Call up the IRS and tell ’em to suck on your teabags.
But Matt, don’t forget the Zombie Tax. He still needs to send me half of his income.
As a zombie, I think if anyone has fucked up their taxes to the point where they are paying half of income, they have a fool for an accountant….
I think Matt’s answer is best. Unfortunately, I believe tax prison has internet access, so we will not be relieved of this pest.
I think TPartier is full of poop.
It’s a Joe the (not) Plumber style situation.
Tea baggers (or book burners) at play. Note swell camera work.
Vis memeorandum, who got it from Chuckles (“I am an idiot!”) Johnson. Chuck may be coming down from his post-9/11 fear jag. Better late than never. But never better late.
“Pre-heat your George Foreman grill to 60 Kelvin”
It means “de-heat.”
Also, you forgot to say “Working quickly…”
Funny, I added up what I pay in taxes, making about the same as TeaBagger says he makes…and I come up with around $15K. Or less than 25% of the total. Since I know I missed some things which are harder to calculate like gas taxes, “sin” taxes and the like, let’s call it 30%. I don’t feel like I’m overtaxed. Also, unlike TeaBagger, I understand that Obama just passed a tax cut for me, so even if I did, I would recognize the idiocy of bitching about my taxes going up, when in fact they just went down.
“So you think its ok to avoid as much taxes as possible?”
Oh Christ, another troll who argues like a teenager and then calls everyone else “childish.” (And doesn’t know how to use an apostrophe.)
Somebody tell this nitwit that a) he or she will get a tax cut under Obama, and b) anyone who makes 65 K and says they pay “half” their income in taxes is a big fat stupid-head.
Or, of course, a liar.
Good point. Paying half of 65K gross income in taxes = UR DOIN’ IT RONG.
Tea baggers (or book burners) at play. Note swell camera work.
We’re witnessing the culmination of a 50-year plan. The Soviets could only plan their economy for cycles of 5 years, but they had the foresight to train their infiltrators to work on the scale of half centuries.
Marketing in, marketing out. I like it!
My freshman physics prof used to say “There’s no such thing as heat.” (And he made an excellent argument to support it.) If I was a silly ass, looking for an argument, I’d post that statement to oh, sci.physics or something. If I was a st00pit™ troll screaming for attention I’d post the comment to rec.humor.funny or some such.
Here’s a purely rhetorical question ☞ How pathetic does someone have to be to keep smearing poo all over his face in a ridiculous attempt to get attention?
KnowwhatImean?
It’s raining guano!
That’d didn’t work right. Go to the video that’s at the bottom of the second column from the left (“Bat guano rains on Colombian students”).
That didn’t work right. Go to the video that’s at the bottom of the second column from the left (“Bat guano rains on Colombian students”).
J—:
We’ve told you before: “You’re posting too fast!!”
You have your fancy-pants kitchen with heat above the universal norm, I have mine.
Nobody, not nobody can stop me! I’ve cut a deal with the web slower-downers which makes me impervious to warnings that I’m posting to fast or that I’ve already said that!
Lookin’ for fun and feelin’ groovy…
(”Bat guano rains on Colombian students”).
“Your Highness, you are also like a stream of bat’s piss.”
“What?”
“I merely meant, your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.”
M. Bouffant, that’s some grade-a quality wingnuttery you linked to there. I especially like the part where the conversion to dogital TV is part of the government’s brainwashing scheme (which started back in the 60’s, apparently).
Thanks to your link, I also discovered that…Neither have you tasted my Jesus.
So as of 11:20AM today I have joined the growing ranks of teh unemployed.
What have I been doing for the last six hours, you ask?
Drinking. Oh, and I had some pizza. Then more drinking.
So if you know anybody who knows a dood who does something somewhat related to interactive media marketing/sales communications kinda crap, here’s my resume:
mikey knows how to do all kinds of shit. It’s almost scary how much shit mikey knows how to do. mikey’s been doing this shit for so long he practically invented doing this shit. If you need to do this shit, call mikey. Flexible rates, easy terms, no down payment and buttocks.
Let me know if I can help…
mikey
That’s a bummer, mikey.
mikey – I suggest you put together a resume in this format. I think it plays to your strengths.
I actually emailed the guy who posted this, thinking, “hey, maybe the email address is for real” and asked, “did it work? Because seriously dude, I’d hire you if I had a front desk position.” He actually wrote back laughing about it and said yes, he had gotten several job offers from the posting, though none in his city.
Hmmm…
I just went to 1040.com’s tax estimator, and found that the federal tax owing on 65,000 gross income for a single individual with no children (ie. no deductions to lower said rate) is: $10,696, or 16.45%
Now, if any of you folks can find state and local taxes that equal 30% of AGI, I’d love to see that.
Also eating zombie comments
FYWP in an easter bonnet.
Why does this remind me of Russell Hoban’s Bruder Pfortner (sorry, can’t do the diacritical marks)? The image of a skeletal, black-robed figure in a festive easter bonnet vigorously buggering poor soft WordPress springs immediately to mind, and now I can’t get it out, no matter how much I scrub.
Damn you, Zombie Rotten McDonald. Damn you to hell.
Jennifer. If I had a front desk, THAT’S the dood I’d want sitting at it.
The company that I worked for until seven hours ago laid off their front desk receptionist a few months ago. So when clients came in, they had to suck it up and wander around the building yelling the name of the person they came to see. It really separated the hardcore clients from the wannabes…
mikey
Sorry to hear that mikey. I hope you have better luck than I’ve been having….
Ah, shit, mikey.
Sorry to hear, mikey.
I am happy to get to the site again, though.
Understand Glenn Beck mimed pouring gasoline on someone… now, really.
That’s not funny.
I would have more respect for him if he really was a nutbag, but I think he’s just doing it for money.
Sorry to hear that, mikey.
Happity Easter, peeps.
It’s not about luck, zr, it’s about lying.
Just standing there baldfaced saying “oh, yeah, I’ve done that a MILLION times, it’s bloody second nature, what was it called again, oh yeah, THAT shit, well, nobody knows their way around that whole thing better than me, start to finish, write the script, shoot the vid, develop the ani (hey, you like lambs and bunnies as hard-hitting characters, right?), squash the whole thing down to 3G2 and run off ten thousand microSD cards and get the global drops to land on the same day” while the desperation sweat courses off the end of your nose and the piddle runs down your leg and you know just KNOW they’re going to want a righteous business case for media rather than web delivery and you can’t give ’em one so you hope they’re stupid and have real deep pockets and…
Oh, never mind. You can’t sell lead to chickens…
mikey
Shit, mikey. That completely sucks.
I’ve been there – and well, if you remember what I do now, you know that my new job is pretty much recession-proof. Hang in there.
But I’m thinking, when I sober up I’ll actually have time to update my blog and maybe become famous and who knows, all of a sudden Time magazine or Popular RC Car or somebody somewhere might want me to start writing a daily or even weekly column on their site for BIG money and I’ll have nothing to worry about and I can move to Kailua villiage and drink Hana Bay Rum til it kills me.
mikey
I already pày half my income in taxes when you add up federal, state, and local taxes. And I make $65,000 before taxes. Is that a “fair share” for a person with my income? Are people who make my salary overtaxed, or undertaxed?
That’s your own fault for living in “Imaginary Municipality-ton” in the state of “Totally Made-up Bullshit”.
Incidentally, just so to pre-empt your panties getting in a bunch:
and also:
not to mention:
Shoot, ought to read to the end of the thread before adding my two PENIS. I’m having a swig of bourbon fer you mikey – it’s an apology for troll feeding in the middle of an actual conversation. Although, if I get to drink bourbon everytime I apologize, I’ll be sayin “Sorry” a lot.
Sorry,Mikey.
I understand that you’ve tried drinking, but … have you tried drinking? I hear that helps.
jeeziz, mikey, I guess that blows, although the only time was laid off I was treated semi-well, & didn’t actually have to do much work for about 2.5 yrs.
That was a huge Fascist Insect Bank that no longer exists. I know in some smaller outfits you’re lucky to get the shit off your desk before you’re a ghost.
(Is this economy-related at all? Did you finally decide to tell someone where to put it? Or show them how?)
Anyway, now that I’m housed again, you can always crash on the hardwood floor. You should get at least bus fare south from selling your condo, right?
Or, seize opportunity in time of crisis. interactive media marketing/sales communications kinda crap sounds like you could get a Pajamas Media thing going for leftists.
Huh? They what? No …
I’m sorry to hear that, mikey. Good luck with the job search.
Well, I got into a shouting match with the owner of the company on wednesday. But the thing is, that’s not unusual. We have never gotten along. He’s a rude arrogant prick and I’m an angry, impatient asshole. But it has never been a reason to fire me. So I suspect it was economy related and they just used my mouth as an excuse.
But hoo nose, y’know?
mikey
Or, seize opportunity in time of crisis. interactive media marketing/sales communications kinda crap sounds like you could get a Pajamas Media thing going for leftists.
Oh, hell yeah, Bouffant. If I can get you as a regular contributor and righteous bubba to do the graphics, and maybe pinko punko as webmaster and quality control we might just have something…
mikey
Enjoy your freedom, if you possibly can.
Was it actual, for cause, no-unemployment benefits firing? Because that really does suck, bite, chew, eat, &tc.
When the guy suggests that Wolfe should take the money under the table, it doesn’t go over well:
“I am not a common cheat, Mr. Poor. Not that I am a saint. Given adequate provocation, I might conceivably cheat a man–or a woman or even a child. But you are suggesting that I cheat, not a man or woman or child, but a hundred and forty million of my fellow citizens. Bah.”
Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe from Instead of Evidence
just sayin’
I don’t like that phrase “quality control.” It sounds like an elitist looking down his nose at me.
So if there are 100 people and 51 voted to STEAL from the other 49, that would be ok with you? Answer that!
Nope. Thank goodness that’s not relevant to any discussion of taxes.
Try this one: If there are 100 people, and they have a system of governance that, in part, is responsible for maintaining the infrastructure and facilities for their mutual and common benefit, and they fund that responsibility by collecting and reallocating some portion of their individual productivity, and 51 of those people decide how that collection and reallocation should be carried out, and there is a system in place by which the other 49 can express their disagreement with the decision of those 51, but the 49 — through the use of that system — cannot convince even two of the 51 to change their minds, even by calling the collection and reallocation “stealing,” then yeah, I’m OK with that.
Also, mikey, sorry to hear about your predicament. I hope your unemployment is brief and relatively painless.
“Half of you must either be English majors at some third rate public university…”
Yeah, you’re right. I was an English major at a third rate public university, the University of Virginia. Now I’m a tax lawyer. And Tea Partier, if you pay half of your 65k in taxes you pay a much higher rate than most people who make ten times what you do.
So you tell me- is that fair?
I’m waiting.
Sorry to hear the bad news, mikey. We’re all living on a knife-edge these days.
Troll never did return after his B.S. 50% tax rate comment. Unfortunately, he has no shame, and will be back. Funny thing is, I usually make a couple of those “check here for _____” voluntary payments when I write my check to Uncle Sam. Just to ram one down trolly’s throat, I will pay an extra $17.76 to the Treasury, now that I have a modicum of hope for competent governance.
Oh yeah, “Neither have you tasted my Jesus”.
Nor will I.
But apparently possibly with the Holy Fucking Spirit and Magic Resurrection Juice.
mikey:
my wife got unemployment for two goddamn years. the only reason it stopped is because we moved away from CA so that she could attend nursing school. they were practically throwing money at her.
two. years.
your situation sucks, and i feel for you, but compared to, say, living in fucking nebraska, you’ve got it real fucking good.
Damn, mikey. I’m getting drunk in sympathy for you, if that helps.
It may not help you, but it sure as hell feels helpful on this end.
I got a spare room for rent, if you want to come down to LA and hang with M.Bouffant. We could work up some kinda enterprise.
Can I also say – what kind of sonuvabitch would fire someone on Good Friday???
Check out this insanity.
Can I also say – what kind of sonuvabitch would fire someone on Good Friday???
Maybe m1k3y’s got something going on we don’t know about, & he’ll replace the sonuvabitch on Sunday. Or ascend to heaven in a blaze of glory.
So if you know anybody who knows a dood who does something somewhat related to interactive media marketing/sales communications kinda crap, here’s my resume:
Damn it, you nicked my idea.
As for drinking in the afternoon, i’ve been doing for a week now & feel a whole lot better……
Been there with the layoff scene. It happened to me Jan 12. I got not a fucking nibble from chasing craigslist postings and headhunters. Not much of a market for over-50 coders these days.
What did work was contacting people I know who know the work I do. Make lists; get onto LinkedIn, Facebook (yeah, facebook), go through your email address book, find everybody you’ve worked with in the past.
Give ’em a call. Say, “I’ve been laid off. If you hear anything, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know.” Lather, rinse, repeat, every two weeks. Something will come up.
The good news? It’s actually less bleak than it was two months ago.
Good luck, hang in there. At least you have time to wait for the fucking Sadly page to refresh.
“Can I also say – what kind of sonuvabitch would fire someone on Good Friday???”
A devout catholic republican like the one who towed the car of a kid working for me several years ago on Good Friday. It was parked in a reserved space in front of the shop where the kid was working, and he didn’t even go in and ask him to move, he just had the car towed. (the kid made about $5 per hour as a carpenter’s helper) The asshole then boasted about it to another guy at the Good Friday vigil that afternoon. (“I got him good this time”) (The guy he bragged to told me about it because he was so offended) He’s a contractor who is famous locally for protesting abortion and taxes, a real Christian Gentleman.
Either the hamsters have suffered a relapse, or they’ve been replaced by three-toed sloths posing as hamsters.
My deepest sympathy to Mikey, and welcome to the club. 15% of my company’s employees were pink-slipped two days before Thanksgiving; it’s like they were trying to incite family traumas and violent confrontations with electric carving knives.
I’ve seen a lot of this. Means you don’t have to spring for holiday pay.
Today is my mom’s last day of work. The store she’s working at is closing down. So now both me and my mom have to look for work.
Taste my Jesus, and I’ll probably get excommunicated for this kind of shit but I don’t really care….HAHAHA!
I’m not finding a citation for a specific person that “gat=tooth” refers to, but it looks like it was used “as gat-teethed” as far back as Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, and that “gat” means “goat.” Help me out here?
Can I also say – what kind of sonuvabitch would fire someone on Good Friday??? Oh, that would be my boss in 1976. So I moved back in with my parents. Some time later, my old boss told me I’d been right about the location being responsible for the bad sales, and if I ever wanted to, I could work for him again. We both knew that probably wouldn’t happen, but it made me feel better.
If 51 people were on a train heading west at 49 miles per hour that made a two-minute stop every 13 minutes and two men got on at each stop and the wind was from the south at five miles per hour, and tongue-jack-booted thugs were waiting at the end to teabag everybody, then who will pull my finger? Pull it! PULL IT!
I plan to wear a t-shirt on the 15th that says, “Teabag Me, I’m A Liberal.”
I would go with a dainty, lady-like font saying “You Ain’t Got the Scrotes to Teabag ME, buttmunchen.”
Because I look like Kim Vandeloon’s mama, only with a meaner expression, so they ain’t.
Mikey, I’m sorry to hear about your boss making the worst mistake of his life, and hope that you will find a less stressful situation slightly before you’re tired of collecting unemployment.
I’m not finding a citation for a specific person that “gat=tooth” refers to, but it looks like it was used “as gat-teethed” as far back as Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, and that “gat” means “goat.” Help me out here?
See Mickey Kaus.