XTREME Preach-Off Smackdown II: Wieland v.s. Swank

Yes, it’s time for another round of XTREME Wingnut Peach-Off, where I scour the Internets for columns by the world’s craziest on-line ministers and pit them against our reigning champ, Pastor Joseph Grant Swank. This week’s challenger is Carl Wieland from AnswersInGenesis, America’s premier creationism “research” institute!



We’ll start off with Carl’s column, which is about how mutations in the avian flu virus prove that evolution is a myth. DING-DING!

[I]t?s not surprising that bird flu has featured in some ?digs? against creationists and intelligent design supporters. That?s because the bird flu virus has clearly changed, so they fear that a pandemic could occur if the virus changes further so it can be transmitted from human to human (so far all the humans that have been infected have caught it directly from birds).

So is bird flu evolving? In a sense, this is a semantic trap. If ?evolution? is defined to mean ?change? or ?genetic change within a population?, the answer is a clearcut ?yes?. But most people hear the word ?evolution? and think that it means the fullblown story?molecules to mathematicians, and so on. And it simply does not follow logically that demonstrating that organisms can change shows that they are capable of the sort of change required to turn microbes to microbiologists.

If I’m understanding this right, Carl is saying that evolution must be false because the flu virus has never mutated into a human.


At the risk of sounding trite, all ?change? is not equal. For example, I can change clothes.

The less said about Carl taking off his clothes, the better.

I can also change nationalities. But it does not therefore follow that I can change into a dragonfly, or a hobgoblin?such a proposition would require separate demonstration.

Or a whole lot of LSD.

The issue is not only with the amount of change, but with the type of change (e.g. the direction of change), as shown in our article on AIDS some years ago?see Has AIDS evolved? The answer depends on the sense in which you mean to use the word ?evolved?. Unfortunately, evolutionists often equivocate with the meaning of ?evolution-words?.

Plus, evolutionists have never evolved into hobgoblins. Fucking hypocrites.

OK, Pastor Swank, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you. Can you top a column about biologists transforming themselves into imaginary monsters? We’re about to find out.


By J. Grant Swank, Jr.

In a Mennonite community near our Canadian home, there is much that is strange.

Indeed- they chose to live near Pastor Swank. They must be out of their minds.

As I drive through those rural scenes, taking in God?s lush beauty and the large farms spread over acres and acres, I note humans in fields. Some of those humans stop, look up at my passing van, and stare. Some of those humans look imbecilic. I?m not being mean. I?m just relating what I see.

Pastor Swank looks like he was lobotomized with a Taco Bell spork:

I’m not being mean. I’m just relating what I see.

When I get up close to some of those humans, I note that they look at me oddly. I am looked upon as an alien.

That’s probably because you poked your head out of your window and said, “‘Attention humans! Your human stares are imbecilic!”

“Bzzt! Take me to your womb babies!”

I also know that most of these humans don?t use deodorant. Most of the women never shave their legs or armpits. That does not make them evil.

No, only unshaven and stinky.

I also know that when some of the Mennonite men in the rural community came to do some carpentry work in my relative?s home, the body odor was so severe that my relative had to ask the workers to take baths and put deodorant on before coming into his house. It was not that my relative was being discourteous for he is a most mannerly Christian. It?s just that what he requested had to be.

OK, Pastor Swank, we get it: Mennonites smell. Is there a point to this column?

All this came to mind when reviewing 60 Minutes? presentation, “Amish Plagued by Genetic Disorders” as reported by Vicki Mabrey.

She focused in on illnesses within the Amish community, many times such unfortunate situations hidden from the public. Yet the documentary delved into the facts and what was surfaced is very similar to what I believe can also be found in some of the isolated, intermarrying Mennonite communities worldwide.

The nub of the problem is intermarriage ? both for Amish and for Mennonites. Intermarriage can yield some very sick humans and devastating existences.

Yet Amish are so exclusive in their differences from non-Amish that they gravitate toward one another for marriage. The same with the more isolated Mennonite mindsets. It?s marrying within one?s own community or suffering in the soul. It can come down to just that.

Oh my God. We’re more than 12 paragraphs into this column, and the most substantive insight you’ve given us so far is “INCEST IS BAD????”

OK, that really pisses me off. Let’s see if the Swanksta can redeem himself with his second column, called “ILLEGALS COULD SABOTAGE MILITARY BASES, ETC.:”

When I was in a local hospital, I noted a number of cleaning women who are Muslim. That is unusual in our southern Maine area. We don?t have that many persons from other countries living here, that is, compared to large metropolitan areas.

However, as soon as I saw those Muslim women going in and out of hospital rooms, I thought: What if these persons were attached to a sleeper cell? What if they turned on patients, even in the most subtle of plots? Who knows?

Yes, it’s al-Qaeda’s most devastating plot yet: having Muslim women pose as nurses so they can infiltrate hospitals and kill a couple of people in rural Maine.

OK, folks, I think we might have a real contest this week. Does Pastor Swank retain his crown, or does this round go to Carl Wieland?


Comments: 97


Maybe I’m just Swank-jaded* but I’d have to give Carl the edge for cramming viruses, hobgoblins, dragonflies and “equivocating evolutionists’ evolution-words” into an otherwise run-of-the-mill anti-science Jeebuscreed.


(* yes, skippy didn’t coin that phrase)


Pastor Swank’s resemblance to a Match Game era Charles Nelson Reilly makes him the winner forever, as far as I am allowed to judge.


I dunno…….that “horrors of the terrible evilutionists” tirade was pretty tame from where I’m sitting – I see way wingnuttier screeds from Krazy Kamp Kreationism on a weekly basis.

The best one of all had to be on the old Dr. Dino site, where in his FAQ section, the good Dr. Hovind had to explain to his faithful flock that no, the government can’t actually watch you through your TV set.

You have to stop and think for a moment about the type of internet traffic this guy must be generating to have to put this in an FAQ. Just don’t stop and think about it for too long, or you’ll cry.

So, I suppose my vote is still with the good Swank. Besides, how classic is this line?

Being a Christian, I do not give away that I appear to be trying to analyze these people. But I can?t help but notice.

Translation: It’s okay for Christians to judge other people, as long as they don’t get caught doing it.

And he said it sincerely, with a straight face! Surely that’s gotta count for something.


Well, I’ll be hand swanked! I have to give it to Carl this time. Grant is all wet. Harrison Ford never would have hid out with these guys if they smelled that bad. Not only that, they would have found the kid in the toilet stall in a heartbeat. End of movie.


Swank all the way. I was on the fence untill I realized the good pastor thinks invalids in Maine are the main target of the Mujahadeen.


Swank on!


oh god – carl all the way. swank is downright readable compared to that shite.


Wait.. Pastor Swank lives in Canada? Does he know that some of those Mennonites might turn to teh gay marriage if they can’t have incest anymore?

Swank wins by default in any case.


Pastor Swank AND Benny Hinn? Say what you will about our neighbors to the north, they sure know what it takes to remain competitive in the cutthroat world of bughshit crazy wingnuttery.


FYI- Swank lives in Maine most of the year. He has a Summer home in Canada.


Gah, don’t make me choose!


wieland gets points for hobgoblins, but his main argument is the usual anti-evolution macro-micro tripe. swank’s true genius is his creativity: he would never write something as predictable as that. until someone comes along who can match swanks’s originality (grammatical as well as topical), he has to remain the winner.


Agree with Willie, it’s Swank by a landslide.


if it was the anti-evolution against the smelly inbreeding, I’d say the anti-evolution wins. But I think the muslim sleeper nurses clinches it for Swank


Heh. You said “peach-off.”


That’s a bit unfair, two Swank columns piling on one measly Weiland! Weiland has the advantage of rank dishonesty, while Swank is just the common clay of the new west. Still, that second Swank column is the Poppycock of preacher columns, “It’s The Nuttiest!”


I can’t even believe that anyone would ever vote against Swank, ever.


Alls fair in love and wankery.


Although writing about how incest is bad may sound simple and trite to us “edumacated” folk, you have to take into consideration Pastor Swank’s audience. Is it not possible that a significant portion of his readership HAS to be told that incest leads to genetic defects?

“lurleen! Honey, Pastor Swank says our marriage gonna lead to mutants! Shee-it, you think little Bobbie Jean’s gonna get some a them lazer beams shootin’ outta her eyes? Bet its that satan again, like when he made you get that third abortion.”

Think about it.

(my vote goes to el swanko, by the way)


The Swankster is the clear wiener!


I don’t know folks, I think we should take a tip from Olympics judges and factor the difficulty of the piece into our final scores. Sure Swank’s second article was a slam dunk, but “Muslims are scary” is one of the easiest positions there is. My 10-year-old nephew could give a gold medal performance with that one, and he doesn’t even froth at the mouth.

Wieland on the other hand set himself a real challenge with “Why genetic changes over succeeding generations in response to enviornmental factors could never be described as evolution.” Ok, he didn’t exhibit Swank’s flair, but to even attempt a contortion like that shows a lot of heart and a fair level of proficiency as well.

Jones the dolphin

Full-on for the Swanker! Any preacher-man spends his time putting down people who are prolly a lot closer to following the Christ than he is, then jumps on the Muslim clean-ahideen, got to git it. Shee-it.


Wait…wouldn’t incest only be bad if evolution were true? I mean, if Adam and Eve were the only two people, then wouldn’t the human race inbreed itself out of existence before Abraham?

And..pssst! Pastor Swank! A “Muslim” is a member of a religion, not a country. Those “Muslim” candy stripers you saw cleaning bedpans could have been American. (And how did you know they were Muslim? Were they wearing the hijab? Or were they just brown? Can you tell the difference between “Hispanic” and “Lebanese”?)


Longtime listener, etc…

Carl does offer some inspirational “whoa, dude” material for your next mind-altering drug occasion, but you just have to admire the artistry of a man who can so fluently shine a light on a little-known but crucially important issue: Amish body odor. We all owe a debt to Pastor Swank.

I mean, have YOU ever been downwind of a Mennonite?


I have to go with Swank, if only because he compares body odor to incest, and can’t quite decide which is worse.


Y’all are downwind of a Mennonite right now. I know a lot of crazy stuff about my crazy people, but I’ve never been told that we smell. Heck, I’ve been to our conventions–that’s thousands of us all packed into an arena in Kansas, and I didn’t notice an odor. Oh, and we don’t commit incest either.



Doesn’t he remember that “the smeller’s the feller”?


Jen, if you really are a Mennonite, shouldn’t your last name be “Yoder”? I call shenanagins.

(Just kidding – Quaker here. Little inter-historicpeacechruch ribbing.)


Hands down Swank.


Carl is a lunatic, whereas Swank is just a hypocrite (at least on this occasion). Carl wins.


Ahh, the old “mirco-evolution doesn’t prove macro-evolution”. I wonder if the people who believe that don’t scream everytime the sun sets.


another mennonite checking in, and yes, my grandpa’s were first cousins (they were both amish at the time of their nuptuals).

But i can tell you from first hand experience during my summers on the farm, that Mennonite girls do shave their legs, do smell of sugar and spice, and if you tickle them in just the right spot and promise not to tell anybody, act like a south mississippi road whore, hell, they’re better cause they’ve spent 18 years watching the farm animals copulate.

So, I’m voting swank all the way.


Wait.. Pastor Swank lives in Canada? Does he know that some of those Mennonites might turn to teh gay marriage if they can’t have incest anymore?

Posted by: Stacy | October 25, 2005 02:59 AM

Yeah, is that true? I’m about an hour’s drive away from the heart of Amish/Mennonite country here in Canada. Is Swanky really in my neck of the woods?


Maaaan, that Swank with his smelly imbecilic hooomans standing in a field — couldn’t you just see some FarSide comic?


Sadly, Wieland loses, because he has inadvertently said something that is true:

So is bird flu evolving? … If ?evolution? is defined to mean … ?genetic change within a population?, the answer is a clearcut ?yes?.

As it happens, ‘genetic change within a population’ isn’t terribly far off a decent working definition of evolution. It would have been more precise to say ‘change in the relative frequencies of variants of given genes within a population’, but Wieland is close enough.

What Wieland can’t fit into his head, of course, is that (given enough time) such changes can indeed turn microbes into microbiologists.


Pastor Swank looks like he was lobotomized with a Taco Bell spork.

Is there a difference between performing a lobotomy with a Taco Bell spork and a regular one?


Incest causes body oder!

Tha winnah, and stiillll champeeeen….


Swank by a nose. Carl was just flat out lying, but the Swankster managed to find a totally new issue that makes no sense whatsoever, mennonite insest body odor!!!


I’m going to have to give it to Carl. “Evolutionists believe that mold can turn into unicorns! They’re stupid!”

Swank lost it when he actually had some first-hand experience to write about. Carl obviously used whole cloth when he stitched up his column.


This one goes to the Swankinator, with three falls out of three.

First off, Carl’s piece is just more of the tired anti-evolution drivel we’re seeing every day in the Dover “intelligent design” trial. It may show a disgustingly poor grasp of facts and science, but there is nothing out of the ordinary about it.

Second: Muslim nurses in southern Maine as part of a terrorist plot? That’s at least a 4.5 on the Wingnut Richter scale. Turning on patients in “the most subtle of plots”? It would have to be pretty damned subtle.

Third: Mennonites smell bad? Amish working in the fields look like imbeciles? But of course, he’s a Good Christian, so he doesn’t judge, but “I’m just sayin’…” And the connection between body odor and genetic disease is masterfully drawn.

By the way, Pastor Fazool, you keep using that word, “intermarriage.” I don’t think it means what you think it means. “Intermarriage” is when members of two distinct religious or ethnic communities marry, and it’s discouraged in some isolated or orthodox communities. Get a fucking dictionary.


Ew. Remind me to leave my home and native land next summer… it’ll be too swank-y for me.


Beth sees Swank as merely purveying the lame and generic “Muslims are scary,” but I read that column and hear a voice crying in the wilderness, declaring “I saw a Muslim! For real! In person! And she was working! At a job! Where there were other people! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!” I have to go with Swank for that.


Hobgoblins? With All-Hallows Eve just around the corner? C’mon, not only is he loony, but he’s also topical! I think we have a winner!


Is there a difference between performing a lobotomy with a Taco Bell spork and a regular one?

Yes- the Taco Bell spork has special sauce on it.


I have to give my vote to the Swankster.

I picked up on Mrs. Tilton’s point – Wieland all but concedes that his argument is incorrect. From that point forward Wieland lost me. He needs to work on the suspense; you know, woo us into ever more wingnutty places. And really, how much staying power do you think Wieland has? In the long run, he could never out-Swank the Master.

Plus, I’m discounting Swank’s second column. That Muslim plot in the woods o’ south Maine makes it too easy to call.

But Swank’s first column is classic because his main premise – which he holds us in suspense about – is based on … mis-defining “intermarriage”. When I first saw him use that word, I though the point of his column was going to be how the Menonites are diluting their stock by mixing with Catholics or some such. But S,N! And this is just classic: “Now I have other Mennonite friends in New York State.” This, after dissing all over them.


But Dobby, some of his best friends are Mennonites! And he’s not being discourteous or mean in pointing out the fact that they’re all stinky, imbecilic and inbred, he’s just telling it like it is.

But one definition of intermarriage is marrying within a group – endogamy is the first defintion in your link.


I think I’ll have to vote Carl. Leaping off of Beth’s Olympic analogy, I think Carl wins for pure efficiency of action combined with degree of difficulty. Swank takes a hell of a long time to get to a payoff of “incest bad and you smell funny.” There simply isn’t enough payoff on that money shot, even adding in the sleeper cell domestics in a second column. Call the Mennonite piece a foot fault, and a safe if unimpressive jump on the second attempt. Carl leaps free and clear well ahead of the line and with flair.


swank should lose the crown.

it took him 12 paragraphs to get out “incest is bad”?


and the entire rural maine al qaeda sleeper cell in a hospital, christ. give me a break.


Ew, I think I’ll sit this one out. It really fucks with my mind to try and rank people like this by ability and sheer wankery.


When I was in a local hospital, I noted a number of cleaning women who are Muslim. […] However, as soon as I saw those Muslim women going in and out of hospital rooms, I thought: […] What if they turned on patients?

And that, my friends, was how the “Muslim Hospital Cleaning Women” series of fetish pornos came about. Watch these hot babes turning on patients in ways you have to see to believe!


I can’t turn on the Swankster yet, not when he give us a paragraph like this, with these two sentences back-to-back,

“She focused in on illnesses within the Amish community, many times such unfortunate situations hidden from the public. Yet the documentary delved into the facts and what was surfaced is very similar to what I believe can also be found in some of the isolated, intermarrying Mennonite communities worldwide.”

Both sentences display that strange inimitable faux-archaic Swank style. He never should have escaped 4th grade with writing skills like that. Your garden variety wingnuts might toss off one such sentence in an entire column, but here old Grant blithely casts them like were peanut shells. Consistently writing on just the far side of coherence is not a skill for us to take lightly.


Wow. I grew up in rural PA, so I’ve got more than a little experience with the Amish and Mennonites. While endogamous relations (yeah, not intermarriage, moron) are common in the Amish community, I don’t know that they’re as prevalent in the Mennonite.

Moreover, wtf is up with his body odor complaints? I swear to god, this guy gets off on this type of shit–if he’s not saying his parishoners tried to kill him, then he’s complaining about his grandmother being a gossip, or whatever. And now bitching about b.o. and unshaved legs?

BTW–I never met an unshaved, smelly Menonite. (And I wasn’t checking the leghair on the Amish girls, either, and can’t remember any bad smells). However, my mainstream Christian redneck neighbors, on the other hand, probably never took a bath more than once a week.

Finally–what the hell was the point of that column? Huh? Really, I read it three times, and I still don’t see what the point was. Amish smell bad? Amish commit inscest? And what’s your missing conclusion, Pastor Swank? You don’t have a conclusion! As a journalism major–hell, as a reader–this fucking pisses me off.


Oh no – I think the Pastor retains his crown. He wrote about incest and killer Muslim women in Maine. Carl tried (in a stupid yet satisfyingly funny way) to defend pulling mankind out of a hat. At least Carl stayed on topic.

All Hail the Pastor!


Swank by a long shot!
Round 1: Imbicilic-looking “humans” watching him drive by. Not cows, mind you….humans. If he hadn’t moo-ed at them….
Round 2: un-shaven, smelly Mennonites. He’s so Christian!
Round 3: “It?s marrying within one?s own community or suffering in the soul. It can come down to just that.” Wha-HUH?



Carl was teeth-grittingly dishonest, but the predictability of his argument and the coherence of his writing count strongly against him.

Swank, on the other hand, displays an excellent grasp of hypocrisy, small-minded insults, fear-mongering, and 3rd grade writing skills. Swank is champion once again.

Really, the only person I can think of who ought to be a contender here is Kaye Grogan.


Really, the only person I can think of who ought to be a contender here is Kaye Grogan.

And she’s not even a minister, so she’s disqualified from competing.

I realize this contest is like sending some 90-pound white dude to box Mike Tyson in his prime, but whatever. It’s still fun 🙂


Whaddya mean people can’t evolve into hobgoblins or vice-versa? I’m sure I read somewhere that hobgoblin DNA is 96.3% identical to human DNA, so it’s not much of a stretch. And insects? Well, what about Gnat Lileks?

I’ll vote for Swank. (You can’t spell ‘swastika’ without ‘Swanksta’.)


If it hadn’t been for the Farside comment far above, I would have voted Carl. Its hard to twist your mind 360 degrees and scream Voila! to an audience of the kind that just don’t care. But once I thought of the Far Side with the cow leaning out the window screaming “Yak Yak Yak Yak” to humans in a field, I just have to go with the Swankster


“Whaddya mean people can’t evolve into hobgoblins or vice-versa? I’m sure I read somewhere that hobgoblin DNA is 96.3% identical to human DNA, so it’s not much of a stretch. And insects? Well, what about Gnat Lileks?”

Lileks is a hobgoblin?


It may be a tough call at first glance, but clearly Swank is just as batshit as ever.

Take the leap of faith from “I watch 60 minutes and have seen a Mennonite (and think them as a group to be smelly and imbecillic)” to “Mennonite communities are intermarrying [sic? isn’t intermarrage marriage between groups?; also see Dobby’s comment] to their detriment”. Wow. Illogical AND classic misuse of terminology.

And then he goes on in the second column to admit outright that Muslims make him nervous. Mighty Christian of the Pastor. And American. And brave. Isn’t he the man that fought demons in his parish or something? Some Muslim cleaning ladies shouldn’t worry him.

…Sadly, The Pastor has not lost his edge.


I’m sorry, but if Robert Novack isn’t proof of human-to-hobgolin mutation, I don’t know what is. And then there’s Dick (big) Cheney…


Lileks is a hobgoblin?

Sure — the Hobgoblin of Little Minds (And High Foreheads).


Pastor Swank was off his game this time…

Carl Wieland takes the 1-2-3 victory in this one to claim the title belt as the wingnuttiest preacher around.


It’s the phrase “the most subtle of plots” that really pares back the deep, lurking paranoia inherent in all wingnuttery. Think of it; it’s not enough that they actually kill these patients, but they may be doing it in a undetectable, unprovable way. Like with radio waves and shit. Only Jesus can protect from the sly and unseen hand of Muslim deviltry. Maybe Swank should start a ministry teaching good Christians to take these jobs, ya know, caring for the sick. I know it’s not like them to normally do that kind of thing…
Swank fer sure.


Auguste–you caught me. I totally intermarried with a Lutheran and lost my good Mennonite name.

We need to have more anabaptist threads around here. It reminds me of my Oma (who is hard-core one of those Canadian farm Mennonites, and always smells like roses)


Gotta with the master of swank on this one…


FYI- Swank lives in Maine most of the year.

What?! You mean I share a state with the wignutty Swank? Lord, have mercy!

Anyway. That evolution column was full of all kinds of stupid shit; but Swank’s smelly Mennonite one takes the cake. Tons of crazy talk!


versus is not abbreviated v.s.


Carl’s column was just too predictable to be a winner. If you’ve spent any time at all debating creationists, you’ve refuted his arguments a thousand times. Swank, however, comes from outer space to warn us of the scourge of Mennonite incest-induced body odor.

The Swanksta by a long shot.


anonymous was hilarious. I think it was pastor swankuation.


Ugh! Did you have to put a really, really bad image in my mind? What image, you ask? This one:

Yes, it’s time for another round of XTREME Wingnut Peach-Off […]

Immediately, this pops into my mind: Swankie and this Wieland fella up on a stage wearing only g-strings made from canned peach slices strung together on dental floss, both of ’em preachin’ up a storm. As they foam at the mouth, a group of capuchin monkeys tear peach slices off the g-strings and stuff their greedy, screeching faces with them. Some of the monkeys randomly toss poo at the audience. Eww, ewww, eeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!
Ya gotta stop putting things like that in my head, man!

Oh, and J. Grant Suh-waaaank remains the victor, mostly due to incoherence and ineptitude.


I gotta go with the Swankster. The proof of his wingnuttery is most obvious in that he complains about the body odor of those out WORKING in the fields. True wingnuts would be unfamiliar with the fact that hard labor produces sweat, and thence body odor. Hard work is a foreign concept to such as he; why work when you can sit in your ivory tower and spout the evacuated remnants of the diet of the uncastrated adult male of domestic cattle to the mindless masses and insult those who actually produce?

Then to top it off with the Muslim sleeper cells cleaning hospitals in Maine… well, it seems a no brainer.


With a name like Swank it has to be good.


Before throwing Mennonites to the lions, you better stop to thank them for opposing all war efforts, and for the shunning technique many of you have adopted from the Amish as a means of extirpating visitors at this site who represent a threat to the liberal groupthink.


Hey BLT, first you missed the point of the post, then you repeated the same tired crap you say Literally every time. How many times do we have to pull the string before you come up with something new?
I bet you got a raging hardon when you saw the post because it would give you an excuse to bring up the shunning thing for only the seven thousandth goddam time.


Jeffrey Kramer said it best. Good ol’ Swankie, defending Amurrica from them smelly people who actually work. I bet Osama’s expanding his plans to sneakily slaughter nursing home patients and thereby destroy Amurrica as we speak.


Timah, it is true that for a musician Dr. BLT seems to hit the same single note over and over ad fatigium.


Timmah, even. *sigh*


And Dr. BLT’s classic “WTF?” trollarity shows why Swank is still champion:
because the (S)wankery spreads to those of equal or nearly equal moronity.

(That might qualify to be a theorem — I ARE TEH RAWK!!)


1. To pull up by the roots.
2. To destroy totally; exterminate. See Synonyms at abolish.
3. To remove by surgery.

McDLT sez:

…and for the shunning technique many of you have adopted from the Amish as a means of extirpating visitors at this site who represent a threat to the liberal groupthink.

And again, I say: WTF?!


This is post #82*. If we generate another 18, we’ll hit 100, a fairly rare thing around here for posts not concerning Marie Jon’ or Nazis.


I’m in, Marq. Remember last month when everyone was doing that de-lurking thing? And most of us lurkers still didn’t say anything? It looks like the way to get us to comment is to call our grandmothers sweaty.


Cool, time to get on my favorite blog site. Now, let’s see if I can position these bottles just right. There we go.
Liberals…..come out to plaaaaaaaaaay!
Liberals……come out to plaaaaaaaaaay!

No, forget it, I can’t make it sound like it did in the movie. Anyway, I’m not out for blood, and I’m a Mennonite, I don’t have the stomach for violence. All I’m asking for is a scholarly debate, and nobody will step up to the plate. Instead of a scholarly debate, I get hate.

tigrismis: Forget the 10-song challenge. I’ve got a new one for you.

If you can sound as intelligent and as eloquent in your criticism of the songs I’ve offered for free at
as Andrew Alexander does at Intellectual Conservative
or as intelligent and eloquent as National Review writer/junkyardblog manager Bryan Preston does in his mostly complimentary critique here:
(scroll down a ways)
I will take your criticism seriously and actually apply it to my songs. Otherwise, I’ll just laugh and write a song about how silly you sound.

The same challenge goes out to the rest of you. As for you tECHIDNA, you might as well give it up. Others have tried it all before—-cheap shots, lame efforts to discredit me, efforts to humiliate me and shame me, Amishesque shunning, making me out to be a pity-seeker and a cry baby, trying to convince folks that I’m arrogant, narcissistic, boring, an blithering idiot and on and on. None have succeeded in getting rid of me. I’ve even tried to get rid of myself —I tried to go from a one-man band to one man, banned, but the powers that be at this site refused to ban me. Do you actually think that after someone revealed their murderous, sadistic wish to smash my head to bits on conrete and then to laugh about it, that anything short of such terror would intimidate me? I’m afraid your stuck with your liberal groupthink being openly challenged. No more hiding in the sanctuary of cynicism and sarcasm. The fact is, I remind you of the rigid, moralistic conservative hidden deep within you that you despise.


I wasn’t critiquing your music, nor have I ever because I haven’t listened to any, I was critiquing your comments here. No matter how marvelous and varied your musical offerings may be, you are the Phillip Glass of commenters. If you think that silly of me, consider me your Euterpe.


tigrimus, whether you’re referring to my music or to my comments, that’s the closest thing to a compliment I’ve received in a long time.


Amishesque shunning

It kinda sounds like a kind of area rug, or a type of drapery.
Also I should give you credit BLT, you hit the big three in that post, Shameless whoring/self-promotion, you brought up shunning, then you whined about that guy wanting to bash you head in again. We should seriously just have the website default to that comment for all future BLT posts, (non-embedded link for shitty music) followed by half-hearted mention of shunning, then throw in a pinch of “Whaaa, someone acted like an internet toughguy at me, which doesen’t happen to anyone else on the internet ever.” And voil?, troll soup.


Timmah420, The old expression is “once, bitten, twice shy,” but I’ve been bitten so many times by left-wingers, that all the shyness in me has taken the last train to the East coast. Still, there’s a side of me that wants to bite back. That’s where my salvation comes to the rescue. I may have been once blind, but thank God, I’ve been twice born. The pre-conversion sinner in me wants to strike back at you for your insults, but the santified me says, “No! Stop! Hatred and hostility may have brought him (or her) to where he (or she) is today, but only love can turn him (or her) around.” How about a truce with old Bruce?


more is less


Can we go back to the part where Dr. BLT is a Mennonite from Central California? Because if that’s true, we’re probably cousins, and I would be very interested in that.


OK, jengould, now you’ve got me curious. Is your name Tiffany Amber Thiessen by any chance?



No deal, get angry, lash out at me, christ at least you’d be interesting for once.


All I can say in response to that Timmah420 is something the Rolling Stones once said, and I repeated in my own modern rock cover of that classic tune:
You Can’t Always Get What You Want:


Though we seem to have somehow gotten away from the hot pastor-on-preacher action for one of our usual side-subjects, I now pont out that we’ll hit 100 comments in 6 more posts.


Dammit, I won’t let that hilariously ironic threadkilling stand. Onward to the century!


Not that I can actually be bothered with another four posts.


Well, here’s one.


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