This Here’s a Genuine Kaye Klassik
This is the best column Kaye’s written in quite sometime (and by “the best” I mean “the most hilariously inept and illogical”):
Border control is simplistic . . . so just do it!
Kaye Grogan
October 21, 2005There is a simple way to control the borders.
Before we go any further, I’d just like to point out that whenever someone like Kaye thinks a problem is easy to fix, there’s a 99.99999999% chance (with a .00000001% margin of error) that their proposed solution is going to be fantastically ill-considered and devastatingly stupid. Let’s see if Kaye’s idea meets this standard:
Just put 100,000 volts of electricity on the fence the illegal immigrants use to climb over into America.
It sure does. Kaye, you realize that illegal immigrants don’t have to climb over a fence to get into America, don’t you? Or has all that rubber cement you’ve been huffing led you to believe that Pat Buchanan was actually elected president back in 1992?
But first issue a warning to other countries that the fence is lethal. Post warnings on the fence in all languages ? so everyone will know if they touch the fence, they do so at their own peril.
That’s very compassionate of you, Kaye. I personally can’t wait to see the charred corpses of illiterate children strewn across the U.S.-Mexico border.
It is getting beyond ridiculous when our government informs us that the porous borders can’t be controlled, especially when we know better.
For goodness sakes! …what is our military for, if not to protect our country from an invasion by those entering America illegally who may pose a serious threat to the citizens?
But why do we need the military when we have the electric shocks installed in the non-existent border fence?
Can we really feel more secure and regain trust in our government after Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff promised that all illegal immigrants will be rounded up and deported without any exceptions within a year? Many think the effort to start trying to control ? the out-of-control illegal immigration population is too little too late.
And why should we be forced to build more prisons to house illegals until a decision can be made about what to do with them? Just send them back to their country and be done with it!
That’s pretty much what they do, Kaye.
America should not be a land of diversity to the point of endangering the lives of native-born Americans.
Honestly, the Lakhota Sioux probably should have followed that advice.
Since the population is already wall-to-wall in proportion, how much sense does it make to keep adding millions of people to the already congested assemblage?
Pastor Swank couldn’t have written better.
And incidentally, our population density is absolutely tiny compared to, say, China, Japan, India and most of Europe.
Just imagine what a problem breeding deer without thinning them out poses, and you have the same situation concerning overpopulation.
Kaye, I tried to imagine it, I really did, but your analogy makes no sense.
I think the following statement says it best about what should be required of foreigners before they become U.S. citizens:
Wait, weren’t we just talking about illegal immigrants? Or has the discussion moved on to trashing brown people in general?
“In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man’s becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American. There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language . . . and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.”
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Yeah, we’ve noticed.
Kaye, here’s the thing: the vast majority of immigrants really do want to become Americans. I know that WorldNetDaily and NewsMax are scaring you with tales of brown sneaking into this country and growing rich by stealing sub-minimum wage jobs away from God-fearing white Americans. But unlike a certain Renew America columnist who lives in the boondocks of Virginia, I actually reside in a diverse neighborhood with a large number of immigrants from Spanish-speaking countries. And y’know what? They don’t bother me at all. Most of them are nice, hard-working people who are trying to provide for their families, just like everybody else.
(Also, I love Cuban sandwiches and fried plantains, and that’s just as good a reason as any other.)
Thinning the herd? What the? I can’t speak for Kaye, mostly because my “authentic frontier gibberish” skills aren’t up to the task, but when I want to eat Mexican that is not what I have in mind.
Just put 100,000 volts of electricity on the fence the illegal immigrants use to climb over into America.
Well there you have it, a solution that’s humane almost to a fault. You know what would be even better though? Anyone ever read that sci-fi book where they used nanobots called “cookie-cutters” at border crossings that would invade the bloodstream, latch on to bone and other tissue and explode on command, rendering the victim a quivering heap of gellatin?
We could even have Kaye host a show “America’s funniest exploding illegals” or something, she could make hilarious Bob Saget-esque comments before hitting the detonate button.
what is our military for, if not to protect our country from an invasion by those entering America illegally who may pose a serious threat to the citizens?
Silly Kaye, the military is for invading sovereign nations in resource grabs, This is the Bush presidency remember?
Is cheap labor for farmers, textile, and furniture industries worth the overall risk to Americans? Emphatically . . . NO!
Walmart begs to differ.
It’s obvious Komrade Kaye is talking right out of her ass and wouldn’t know an immigrant from an arby’s sandwich.
Border control is simplistic. . .
Kaye apparently thinks that “simplistic” means “really, really simple.” Instead, the word exactly characterizes her Readers’-Digest-level solution.
We could even have Kaye host a show “America’s funniest exploding illegals” or something, she could make hilarious Bob Saget-esque comments before hitting the detonate button.
I just want Kaye to have her own show, period. She could have a brilliant political roundtable featuring Marie and Pastor Swank.
“But first issue a warning to other countries that the fence is lethal.”
Yes, all other countries besides Mexico, right Kaye?
Yes, all other countries besides Mexico, right Kaye?
No, I think those hockey-playing Canuckazoid fucksticks up north are included too. But there ain’t no way we’re putting FRENCH on our security fence, so those homos from Quebec better not come within 50 yards!!! (Or roughly 50 metres for you pansies who insist on using the Satan-endorsed Metric system!!!)
I saw this site because my brother sent me a link on “Prussian Blue” and I then decided to look at the web site for today, and saw this Kaye Klassik woman and her tirade and y’all’s “answers” to it. I’m a bit conflicted since I love not only Mexican food but Ethiopian, Peruvian, Lebanese, Persian, Turkish, Indian, Thai, Chinese, and (if I’m ever in NYC) Burmese (you can get all the others right here in Dallas, by the way). I used to have an Albanian Moslem green card fiance and then a Brazilian green card lover and a perfectly legal Turkish immigrant girlfriend, but now live with an AM-UH-Ri-kan! girlfriend – of Mexican-American descent who speaks fluent Spanish and eats menudo (uggh). Since only SOME of my ancestors were here originally via the Bering Strait and the rest came as recently as the 1700s to escape being used by the British in Northern Ireland, I’m fairly sympathetic to allowing loads of immigrants to come here. Hell, I’m a Libertarian. On the other hand, I was in two accidents in 12 days with Spanish patronymic folks, the first of whom was clearly an illegal (barely spoke any English, no driver’s license, no insurance, drunk as a skunk, and who then fled the scene of the crime), and the second of whom was only legal-by-Republican-subterfuge (basically, I was in Tampa and a scumbag Marielito was trying to do insurance fraud, but I was found not guilty with no points). Thus, we want SOME controls to keep life forms like this out of the nation in the first place, and SOME form of identification to be able to nab them and hopefully execute them if they are drunk drivers, doing insurance fraud, etc. While I DON’T want charred bodies of illiterate kids (who speak Nahuatl anyway) who were trying to escape their drunk, sexually aggressive dads, I also don’t see any other way of stopping illegal immigrants at least at the borders with Canada and Mexico other than an electric fence, what I’ll call Jonah’s wall (after Jonah Goldberg). In fact, the militia would be the ‘good’ cops here, stationed every mile or so and would try to WARN potential fence climbers to stop before getting fried. Given that 30% of our Federal prison inmates are illegals, what other answer is there? I’m also not all that wild about actually allowing any of these folks to VOTE for a while, and hence might prefer a 20 year gastarbeiten program after which time they and their kids would probably be right wing enough that they’d be good Americans instead of future Democrats or LULAC or La Raza members. What do you all think?
“the first of whom was clearly an illegal (barely spoke any English, no driver’s license, no insurance, drunk as a skunk, and who then fled the scene of the crime)”
Hey, that was my brother/uncle Jethro from up back of the holler.
“nab them and hopefully execute them if they are drunk drivers, doing insurance fraud, etc.”
Harsh penalties for drunk driving. Dude, you have some issues.
“I also don’t see any other way of stopping illegal immigrants at least at the borders with Canada and Mexico other than an electric fence”
there’s that little matter of all those unfenced beaches on the east, west, and gulf coasts, but never mind, call the Fence Factory! I’m sure they’re dying to lay a couple hundred running miles in the Okanagon.
Mr. Johnson,
Taking Kaye seriously makes the Baby Jesus cry.
Taking Kaye seriously makes the Baby Jesus cry.
No kidding. If we followed Kaye’s policy, we’d have our entire Army guarding the border, we’d have a giant electric fence set up along Mexico, and we’d be doing bizarre experiments involving breeding deer.
Can you electrify an attractive white picket fence?
That was some Kay-rrrrific nonsense, but I do wonder
if there’s anyone out there pushing a sensible immigration plan, maybe something between “let ’em all in” and “let ’em all fry?”
According to the Center for Immigration Studies, a pretty anti-immigration group, illegal aliens only make up 17% of the prison population.
Can you electrify an attractive white picket fence?
That was some Kay-rrrrific nonsense, but I do wonder
if there’s anyone out there pushing a sensible immigration plan, maybe something between “let ’em all in” and “let ’em all fry?”
Part of the problem is we just have a very large demand for people who want to get into the country, and we don’t allow enough of them in. I think a guest worker program would be a good idea, as would expanding the number of people we let in legally. And yes, we need to better fund the border patrol to intercept actual criminals like drug dealers.
She just stopped short of calling them Tonks.
I heard that orental de cuba burned down? : ( that was such a good place to eat
Dear Bob Johnson,
You are an asshole.
Signed, Me
I heard that orental de cuba burned down? : ( that was such a good place to eat
Sadly, yes. But the community really chipped in and it should be rebuilt by the Spring.
Derek J – yes, the place was torched. Officialdom has not yet found who or why. But I hear the owner intends to rebuild.
Buffao Gal- whoa you eat there? Wow small world. You from JP?
First, a little historical background:
Teddy Rosevelt’s quote was about “radical leftist” imigrants, primarily Eastern Europeans. The very same radical immigrants who agitated for unions, the 8 hour workday, food safety regulations, and product labeling requirements. You know, the reason why you weren’t put to work in a factory 14/7, for pennies a day, at age 14, so you could buy week-old, maggoty, pig intestines sold as fresh hamburger.
Johnson:
If the “illegal” part is truly what bothers you, why not simply open the borders and allow anyone who can pass basic health screening, an English-competency test, and a violent-felon search become citizens? You know, like they did for Europeans a hundred years ago.
That way, they can actually get insurance and a drivers license, so they don’t have to flee the scene — though really, “fleeing the scene of an accident” is not an undocumented migrant problem, it’s an “Oh fuck, I’m drunk and just hit somebody” problem.
If the rumors (and there’s plenty of bullshit on all sides when drugs get mentioned) about the drug cartels leading people across the border in exchange for their smuggling of drugs, then their “mule” population just dried up, as all those people that would’ve humped rucksacks full of coke can now come here legally. Assuming drug interdiction is a valid use of taxpayer dollars, you just made it that much easier to accomplish, because you no longer have to sort through the desperate majority to find the criminal minority.
Look at it from the migrant’s perspective: hump it through the Arizona desert and spend your life on the run from the most openly violent, militaristic, police force in the “First” world, or take a few courses in English and come here legally, complete with benefits? No question which option I’d pick.
On crime, an illegal immigrant cannot report crimes because they are afraid of being deported. Lose your job, your possessions, and get shipped back to square zero after a tour through the no-questions-asked INS detention center, or just ignore the rape in the alley. Restrictive immigration policy simply means that when someone is in a position to be a potential “upstanding member of the community,” they’re apt to lose their ability to be a member of the community if they want to be upstanding.
On wages, an illegal immigrant working for $2/hr harms “your” wages far worse than someone here legally working for $8 — the legal one, BTW, can also demand higher wages, take action against bullshit firings, and all the other things that help workers but require paperwork.
And while it might be a radical departure for this administration, a more-open border policy doesn’t involve dropping billions into Halliburton’s lap to build a “Charged at the Hague”-worthy electric fence to electrocute poor people who just want to work for a decent living.
i think she meant simplicated.
mdhatter, I disagree; she clearly meant to type “simplistical.”
Really, Kaye? All languages?
Even ignoring the issue Brad raised of the illiterate, does she have any idea exactly what a task that would be?
Of course, considering this comes from a Swedish website, it’s probably all just commie propaganda.
But no, really, I love the idea of putting an electrified fence around our border and surrounding it with fifteen thousand different signs – it’s got such a stylistically Neue Auschwitz feel to it. I’m sure all the hot designers will be picking up on this new trend any day now.
…and the second part of her plan is to shoot down the commuter planes used by 40% of the illegals that come into the county without bothering to walk across the border…hey let’s just pull a bill o’reilly and militarize the border. i mean, the army’s not doing anything important right now…
…and the second part of her plan is to shoot down the commuter planes used by 40% of the illegals that come into the county without bothering to walk across the border…hey let’s just pull a bill o’reilly and militarize the border. i mean, the army’s not doing anything important right now…
They’d still be taking out brown people… win-win!!! š
The…fence…
The fence…I can’t stop laughing. I really can’t. She really thinks there’s a fence.
“good Americans instead of Democrats”
Bob Johnson, that’s just *such* an American sentiment.
Why don’t you go back to (Putin’s) Russia?
Jillian, the real solution would be to use international symbols or pictures. The problem that Kaye inadvertenly touches on here reminds me of the studies on how to label nuclear waste disposal sites so that future civilizaions would know to keep away from them, presumibly speaking languages that we cannot possibly visualize at this time.
Also, wouldn’t a fence that was electrified use a lot of juice, like to the tune of 50 to 60% of a generating stations’ output?
And then there’s the problems of maintaing it, and cleaning up the inevitable dead fauna that would accompany a fence even if the voltage was low so only as to ‘shock’ humans.
Bob Johnson just HAS to be a meta-troll, folks.
Stand down.
Add to that, Jilliam, the fact that the signs would all have to be legible AND large enough to read. To say nothing of the amount of space they’d take up; how long would it take for a person to find the one in their language? And is she planning on putting an electric fence along the Alaska border too? And what about Hawaii? Would there be an electric fence surrounding each island, or maybe one giant fence surrounding all of them?
The problem with these fences is that some disgruntled employee will turn off the power just as a hurricane approaches and then the Mexican T-Rexs will all escape and try to eat our lawyers. Well, ok, the part about lawyers is ok, but still…..
A massive electrified fence stretching across the border. That’s just an open target for bored, drunk teenagers in small towns. Why go cow tipping when you can short out a massive security system?
I lived a in an Arizona border town for a couple of years. I don’t think most people realize how big and how remote much of the border is. People will always find a way to cross if their need is great enough. We can continue to up the ante by making crossing more and more difficult but that isn’t going to have any real impact on the number of crossers just on the number that die while crossing.
100,000 volts? But what’s the amperage? Without that information 100,000 volts is meaningless I tell you, meaningless!
Does this woman have no shame?
0.0000000001×10^-10mA
I disagree about the troll thing, Bob Johnson seems like a genuine retard who stumbled on our site and failed to recognize the sarcasm and snark in comments like the one I made about blowing up would-be immigrants.
Simply putting up an electric fence wouldn’t do much good. All you’d need was a wooden ladder or some rubber gloves.
You’d have to build it really fucking high.
Why is it that these people are so concerned about overpopulation when it comes to illegal immigration, but argue that God wants us to “be fruitful and multiply” when it comes to such contriversial issues as abortion and women leaving the house without their husband’s permission???
Hey…I’ll support this fence thing…on one condition…
We use Kaye as a test subject…just to make sure it works and all….
First I havta say that Ms. Grogan is a stunning womarn and I am sangle…in 6 months
Next, I like her idears and such, but a electrified fence would be way too fancy and use science and the like…
What we need is one of them thar ditches that’s real deep. My buddy Hoss gots one of those Backhoes….We would do it fer a few cases o’ Pabst Blue ribbun…
Then we fill it up with them thar electric eels..
jes’ let them Illegals try it!
They’d be like “Whoo boy that freedom shore does hurt!” while they’s a jumping outta that thar water…
But a electrified fence would be OK too I reckon…