Inanimate Slab of Plastic Promotes Abortion, Lesbianism; Wingnuts Scream

The American Family Association is upset:

‘American Girl’ Assailed for Teaming with Pro-Abortion Charity

By Mary Rettig and Jody Brown
October 13, 2005

(AgapePress) – The spokesperson for a pro-family group says she was disturbed to find that a toy manufacturer esteemed by Christians has joined with a pro-abortion, pro-lesbian group. And a Chicago-based pro-life organization is hinting at a boycott against that toy maker if the partnership is not dissolved soon.

Y’know, I’m not sure why they’re so angry about this. After all, promoting lesbianism inevitably reduces abortions, right?

Kathryn Hooks, director of media and public relations for the American Family Association, says American Girl has long been treasured by Christians for emphasizing traditional family values with their dolls. But now, Hooks notes, American Girl has partnered with a charitable group called Girls Inc. to sell a bracelet known as the “I Can” Band. Under the arrangement, American Girl is donating 70 cents of every bracelet purchase ($1) to the charity, as well as a $50,000 lump sum.

The AFA media spokesperson says the problem is that Girls Inc. promotes a social agenda that is distinctly contradictory to that of American Girl. “Girls Inc. has clearly stated support for Roe v. Wade and ‘every young woman’s right to choose.’ They are pro-abortion, pro-choice without a doubt,” the media spokesperson says. “That is made clear on their website.”

Of course, the AFA really shouldn’t be surprised by such treachery- just take a look at this picture posted on American Girl’s official website:


“American” girl my ass- that little bitch is a crepe-eatin’ Francophile!

How much of a threat is this pro-France abortionist lesbian doll to America’s moral character? Let’s hear some thoughtful, rational analysis from Pastor Joseph Grant Swank, Jr.:

By J. Grant Swank, Jr.

The doll, American Girl, is owned by Mattel.

Way to establish the facts right up front, Pastor Swank. You’ve got the journalistic instincts of a Sy Hersh.

Gearing up for Christmas sales, Mattel is pushing the doll for today?s little girls.

The problem is that American Girl partners with Girls Inc. This corporation sells bracelets that read “I Can.” Moneys from these sales support Girls Inc. For every doll bought, seventy cents goes to Girls Inc.

On the American Girl website, bands are marketed. There?s also a link to Girls Inc. On the American Girl site, it reads that $50,000 is given to Girls Inc.

The problem?

Girls Inc. states on its site that they are in favor of killing womb babies.

I found this claim dubious, so I checked it out for myself. And sure enough, Girls Inc.’s mission statement reads, “In addition to empowering girls to achieve their goals, Girls Inc. has a long, proud tradition of killing womb babies.”


Comments: 36


Well, here’s your problem right here:

Girls Incorporated is a national nonprofit youth organization dedicated to inspiring all girls to be strong, smart, and bold.

Keep that kind of crap up and pretty soon, them strong, smart and bold girls will grow up into uppity women, not content to stay barefoot in the kitchen and bareass in the bedroom for the greater glory of Gawd and Man.

And look at their programs, fer chrissakes: media literacy; financial literacy; avoiding adolescent pregnancy. I mean, what’s that all about?

I wonder if the AFA and the other wingnuts know that Girls Inc. is the new name for Girls Clubs of America.


Where can I buy Stacy: The Womb Baby Killing Doll?


Clearly that suitcase is full of wire coat hangers.


I recommend writing to American Girl at the address the AFA is using to send a message of support.


There’s even a Girls Bill of Rights? Oh NOES!!1!1

Girls have the right to be themselves and to resist gender stereotypes.

AFA: Get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich. While deep-throating me.

Girls have the right to express themselves with originality and enthusiasm.

AFA: That’s LIEberal Demon-cRAT edumaca … eddum … edu … SCHOOL!

Girls have the right to take risks, to strive freely, and to take pride in success.

AFA: Yeah…MY success. And no risking sticking yourself with that plastic thing you call a “dildo”…liberal terrists put AIDS and bird flu on those!

Girls have the right to accept and appreciate their bodies.

AFA: No problem, as long as they ask God and Pat Robertson for permission. And ready to fuck when I say so.

Girls have the right to have confidence in themselves and to be safe in the world.

AFA: …by staying your ass at home where you belong. And I’ll give you all that damn “confidense” you need.

Girls have the right to prepare for interesting work and economic independence.

AFA: Yeah…you ain’t spendin none of my money or credit ’cause you ain’t gettin’ none. Where’s that fuckin’ sammich?!


What’s this about “killing womb babies” anyway? Is the good pastor suggesting that somebody is putting babies back into the womb so they can kill them? That doesn’t seem very efficient.


Joseph Grant Swank, Jr. I think I’m in love with you!


Oh, sure, everyone cares about the womb babies, but nobody cares about the sperm! Do you realize that a sperm, if its natural and God-intended purpose is not interfered with, will become a baby someday?

If fetuses are now the “preborn”, I suggest that sperm be referred to as the “preconceived”, and that we all start lobbying for protection of pre-conceived babies. After all, who else will speak for the voiceless sperm?

We need an eyecatching symbol, something along the lines of the tiny feet people use to symbolize the womb babies. Perhaps a tiny flagellum? Motility=life, damnit!


Save the Pre-Conveived…ban masturbation!


You know, I’ve often found the fixation upon American Girl dolls by the distaff members of my family to be rather lame.
I think I’ll be getting them some outfits for their dolls this year for the Martyrdom Of Bill O’Reilly And Some Other Ostensibly Religious Holiday That Nobody Remembers To Mention Anymore.
(BTW, my fellow liberals, if we’re going to destroy Christmas, I suggest we start putting together committees now. We could hold our first set of meetings on Satan’s Birthday, Oct 31.)


I say we get one for Grampa Roberts. And in consideration of the sensibilities and sanity of those who read here, I deleted the rest of my comment.


By the way, American Girl dolls are made in China.


Hey butter, if you can adapt the rest of the tootsie roll song to the good Pastor we owe you a coke.

In other news, suspiciously ethic American Girl Marisol was heard to mutter “MMMM, that’s some good womb baby.”


John Schweddy Womb Babies!

I think that’s my second favorite after Vera Drake-Os (queasy-making shapes in red sauce).


Womb babies? As opposed to say, ass babies or spore babies?


So, when does womb baby season open? Gotta bag my limit again this year!


Why do American Girls hate America?


“Girls Inc. states on its site that they are in favor of killing womb babies.”

So what? God kills most of the ‘womb babies’ who die prior to birth through ‘spontaneous abortion’. Sounds innocent enough, doesn’t it? Like no one’s to blame? But God did it! We have to stop this genocidal omnipotent killer! Impeach Jehovah!


I’ll bet those people hoard gold.


Yeah, just too bad its those gold-foil chocolate coins from the 70s…..


But after the armageddon when you’re jonesing hard for cheap, stale chocolate they’ll have the last high-pitched maniacal laugh.


AFA: Get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich. While deep-throating me.

But-but–but—THAT would be SODOMY!!!!


Save the Pre-Conveived…ban masturbation!

Dear, sweet criminey!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!


Actually Marq, sodomy is when you put it in the other end…


Were I the trustworthy type, I’d say, “Trust me.” But since I’m not, let’s pop into my dictionary…

sodomy |?s?d?m?| noun sexual intercourse involving anal or oral copulation.

Emphasis mine.
Whoops! Looks like I stand by my original statement.
(as an aside, certain phonetic symbols didn’t cut-and-paste correctly in the dictionary definition, and the comment engine doesn’t seem to recognize them-so they show up as question marks)


banonanism is the new assholery


“Oral sex” has been included in the “sodomy” category for decades now.
I assume because they had to put it somewhere once it stopped being, you know, sex. (Which, actually, may have happened before Clinton was even born, so you can’t blame it on him.)


The legal definition of “sodomy” in a number of states used to be (until Lawrence v. Texas, 2003)

sodomy: That act which is too horrible to be mentioned amongst Christians.

I have always gotten a kick out of imagining how a trial on such a charge might take place….

DA to witness: Sir, did you see the accused engaging in an act of sodomy?

Witness: Yes, sir, I did.

DA: Please describe what you saw.

Witness: But…but…I can’t!!

DA: AHA!!! PROOF!!! This is proof, I tell you – proof he did it!


We need an eyecatching symbol, something along the lines of the tiny feet people use to symbolize the womb babies.

How about a used Kleenex?

I think we should start calling sperm something similar to womb babies … how about Testy Babies?


Or “ball babies?”


Nad Nippers? Testicle Tots? Cullion Kiddies?


Ball babies!!! I LOVE it!!!! It’s just classic. Now, all that remains is to spread it to the masses. We’ll have to pen serious sounding studies that show things like –

1.) Asia Carrera is the leading cause of ball-baby death in America today.

2.) Nearly 100% of death row inmates are regular murderers of ball-babies.

Most men in America have murdered ball-babies at least once by the time they’re thirteen.

And then, after the scare statistics, we solicit donations. If we word it right, we’ll all be rich in a matter of months.


I commend to you the General’s coinage: Spermatozoan-Americans.


So what? God kills most of the ‘womb babies’ who die prior to birth through ‘spontaneous abortion’. Sounds innocent enough, doesn’t it? Like no one’s to blame? But God did it! We have to stop this genocidal omnipotent killer! Impeach Jehovah!

Good point, VMK. I wonder if we should start bringing that up more often when these whiny people start railing on about abortion?…

I sense some head ‘sploding to come!


I sense some head ‘sploding to come!

Naah. They’re utterly impenetrable. They can twist themselves around literally any argument as if they’re made of pipe-cleaners, and when it’s necessary to do a 180? turnaround, BAM! No thought required. The White House has been floating a new reason for having invaded Iraq about every two weeks since the war was started, many of which contradict each other, and yet the wingnut can segue from one to another without blinking. And, somewhere in that wingnut’s alleged “mind,” all those contradictory rationales exist simultaneously without the frenzied clash of antithetical ideas even causing the wingnut to break a sweat. It’s an amazing thing to see in action-my head would explode it I tried to contain so much contradictory bullshit in it!


That is the Fruit Loop you are describing, Marq, as defined by Gerard Holmgren:

“it should be noted that one of the curious characteristics of conspiracy theorists is that they effortlessly change their so called evidence in response to each aspect which is debunked. As soon as one delusion is unmasked, they simply invent another to replace it, and deny that the first ever existed. Eventually, when they have turned full circle through this endlessly changing fantasy fog, they then re-invent the original delusion and deny that you ever debunked it, thus beginning the circle once more. This technique is known as “the fruit. loop” and saves the conspiracy theorist from ever having to see any of their ideas through to their (il)logical conclusions.”

Watch Out For Mad Conspiracy Theories


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