It’s Hard Out Here For A Gimp
With friends like these, etc. Townhall’s Mike S. Adams offers his own brand of advice to an acquaintance (possibly not even imaginary!) who is upset that his daughter has returned from her first semester at college with pinko ideas.
Prof. Adams knows a thing or two about co-eds, so he’s going to set the daughter straight, free of charge:
Dear Steve:
Thanks for writing me with your concerns about your daughter’s recent visit home from college. I don’t have a daughter but I can understand the concern you have after seeing such dramatic changes in her after just six months at a public university. After all, you didn’t save money for eighteen long years in order to pay someone to teach her to despise the values you taught for, well, eighteen long years.
Adams kicks off his little spiel with a joke about sexually transmitted diseases — classy — but he’s only getting started. After advising ‘Steve’ to lie to and break promises with his daughter, Adams really sweetens the pot:
3. I’m going to take your daughter and the remaining $2000 – in the form of one hundred $20 bills – to the ‘hood.’ Specifically, I am going to take her to places where crack cocaine is sold here in Wilmington in the middle of the afternoon. This will include grocery stores and actual crack houses.
We have our own advice for Steve: do NOT do this. This will NOT end well. Seriously — don’t do it.
But Steve, if it’s not frightening enough that a whack-job like Mike Adams is hitting you up for two grand in small bills so he can take your teenage daughter on a crack binge, maybe his next words will ‘scare you straight’:
Don’t worry about your daughter’s safety [!!! – ed.] as I will be armed with a .357 magnum loaded with 145-grain silver tipped hollow point bullets [double !!! – ed.]. When I approach a crack head I will first ask whether he paid income taxes last year. If he says ‘no’ I will hand him $20.
Left unsaid is what happens if the crack head says ‘yes’. Makes you wonder what the hollow-points are for, no? That said, we doubt if Adams really has the stones to teach life lessons that involve confronting real live people, .357 or no. He might aim a little lower — perhaps he could straighten out unruly kindergartners by pulling the wings off flies.
Why is she taking silver-tipped hollowpoint bullets? Are they expecting to encounter Ghetto Werewolves?
I’ve said it before: homeschooling is like pedophilia, in that the only people that defend it are the people that practice it.
After all, you didn’t save money for eighteen long years in order to pay someone to teach her to despise the values you taught for, well, eighteen long years.
Poor old Steve, his hard earned capitalist money being used to turn his daughter into a socialist! No one could have seen that coming. Who would have thought they took the liberal part of liberal arts college so seriously?
As for Adams’ proposed deprogramming lesson…that has got to be the stupidest damned thing I’ve ever read on the history of the interwebs (yes, including the Time Cube guy and the Sputnik lady).
His plan is to take her to the hood, show her the living conditions of poor people, the inadequate housing, blatantly unequal schooling, the crime and misery, the people waiting desperately for their next paycheck that probably won’t cover all their bills, and he thinks this will make her less socialist?
But who’s he kidding? No white-collar conservative is going to venture into the hood, gun or no. Despite their masturbatory fantasies of using their handgun to somehow scare away a mugger before getting shot themselves, they’re just as afraid of poor neighborhoods as anyone.
Elitist college professors and their wacky ideas. Imagine if one became president.
Wilmington??? Does this guy live in California?
Suuuuure, he’d go into Wilmington looking for dealers. Riiiight.
This guy is an idiot, and thank Cod he doesn’t have kids.
Ok, I checked and it’s not the Wilmington in California, it’s the one in NC. I am unaware of how bad that neighborhood is, but my earlier comments stand.
the sad really kills the funny, actually. The more boring parts of his rants (i.e. the non crack & STD joke bits) are just otherworldly. He’s going to take the $4,000 he was going to give to his daughter and half it, and tell her he lied, just like Obama, or something. I kind of lost the reasoning at this point.
and why teh fuck can’t these assholes figure out that marxism & Socialism are different. Oh yeah, they are as dumb as a bag of spanners….
and, COCK…..
Yeah, for some reason I suspect the minute a ‘crack head’ realizes Adams is carrying around 2000 dollars on him, he is going to get fucking rolled before he has a chance to put his pathetic gun-fantasy into action.
Then where will Steve be?
Or more pertinent, where will Steve’s daughter be?
What an ass. All the wingers I’m reading today are getting on my nerves – Klavan, Breitbart, now Adams. These guys are apparently well off to the point where they fantasize about handing out $20 to total strangers for a couple hours; why can’t they just go off and be rich assholes somewhere where I can’t see them anymore, so I can get through my day without wanting to punch them?
“Poor old Steve, his hard earned capitalist money being used to turn his daughter into a socialist! No one could have seen that coming. Who would have thought they took the liberal part of liberal arts college so seriously?”
Shoulda enrolled her in a Conservative Arts Program. Instead of learning a little bit about a lot of different subjects, she could have learned a lot about nothing.
Handy said:
My jaw is also hanging low. Adams definitely never raised a daughter or a son. He proposes to counter the not unusual tendency of young people at college to be idealistic by having her father say he was lying to her about rewarding her for good grades and by appealing to her presumed innate greed.
Oh, yes! That’s going to go over well! She’s disgusted by the perceived hypocrisy of the wealthy and powerful, but she’ll fold when told that the father she trusted is a liar and she sees $4000 going to her pathetic addict brother and homeless crackheads. The first thing she’ll think of is that, yes, Obama is exactly like that because . . . . he lied about earmarks and line by line analysis of the budget? But wasn’t it McCain who was obsessed about earmarks?
I think that secretly Adams believes she will get all damp and compliant when she sees his weapon, or his .357 magnum loaded with 145-grain silver tipped hollow point bullets, whichever is exposed first. What a goofy wet dream.
Shimkus’ “plant food” comment gives it a run for its money.
And because my timing is perfect, I mentioned
this in the last thread moments before this one arrived…
Bwaaaaahaahaaahaaaa
and
Mmmgghheeeghhhhhehehehetthhhhhppphhhh
(It looks screwy in preview, but I’ll never know if I don’t try)
White guy takes 18-year old chick into ghetto and asks drug dealers about their W-2s.
Somebody’s going to emergency, somebody’s going to jail.
Also,
Where’s Rugged and his battle rifle when we need him?
Oh, and it’s “Silvertip™”.
Perhaps $4000 dollars worth of abstinence-only education from Bristol Palin would be a better investment.
Here I was thinking I was going to get the werewolf gag before anybody else and the first post snagged it.
Teh wingnuts trying to do humour is like elephants mating.
1) Very obvious
2) Not much result for many months
3) Best not to get too close to it.
4) Maybe would be better underwater.
I don’t know what the crack houses are like in Wilmington, but Mike would be ill-advised to try that stunt in Oakland. As recent events have shown, even fully armed and trained Oakland PD can get taken out by one fucked up individual with a gun.
Actually, I invite Mr. Adams to come over to Oaktown’s flatlands and try out his educational system. With a video camera. I can’t wait to see the results on You Tube.
Curious that “Steve’s” “son” dropped out of college after one year (apparently the STD didn’t take hold) and, archetype that he is, the son is unemployed and now physically threatening the father. But it’s the daughter everyone’s upset about!
Either this is one fractured fairy tale or Steve screwed up big time by not sending his kids to Liberty University.
You could just substitute the word “mud-people” for crackhead and the intended meaning would be the same.
I love thinly-veiled racism.
Justme, those are cool links to the Republican Road to Recovery plan.
And don’t forget this slide everybody. It makes everything clear and simple.
Republican Road to Recovery in a chart
Raised Republican. Off to college. A couple of books later — no more Republican.
Rather than “tough love” in the bad ‘hood, just ban reading.
Shouldn’t we be inviting people like Adams to follow through on their fantasies? When Bernie Goldberg fantasizes about taking a bat and heading over to the NY Times building, shouldn’t the immediate response be “Gosh, Bernie, what’s stopping you?” Maybe if we actually encourage these assholes to follow through on their masturbatory fantasies, they’ll finally show their true colors when they puss out. Either that or they’ll get rolled.
Normally I don’t click those links, no matter how tempting, but today I did. Lordy lordy, what a wankstain. How’s this:
She may well say “But that’s half of the money I was supposed to get.” If so, point out that it is Barack Obama who would like to take other people’s money – at least half, if not more – and use much of it to reward bad behavior. By this time, she will probably hate socialism and the lesson will have saved you a lot of money.
No, doofus, by that time she’ll hate her lyin’ daddy and her junkie brother, and when he tells her it was all your idea, she’ll be over at your house with a baseball bat and a lot of righteous anger.
Wow. Just… wow.
So, here’s the scene: Already jacked up on adrenaline-stoked fantasies, a sweating and twitchy Adams is dragging an 18-year old woman on a tour of prospective… what, exactly? Pimps?
Is he looking for a trade to save his own hide (“But only if I can watch!”), or is he desperately hoping a gang of rough negroes will threaten the young lady with sexual violence, only to have Adams save her the only way he knows how: by offering up his own virginal (to humans) rosebud for them to ravish?
I do believe I know how he wants this story to end…
Ah, Mike S. Adams, one of my favorite wingnuts. A few observations about Mike S. Adams:
1. When I see the name “Mike S. Adams” on the main page of this fine blog, I know there’s about a 99% likelihood that I will be treated to a story about Mike S. Adams terrorizing some liberals with a handgun. This time it’s crackheads…
2. The same “shorter” works perfectly for any Mike S. Adams column: “My dick resembles one of those little pencils you use whilst scoring a miniature golf match.”
3. None of the anecdotes in any Mike S. Adams ever happened, nor will they ever happen.
4. If Mike S. Adams really did attempt this stunt with the girl and the crackheads, he would very likely end up dead, silver-hollow point bullets or not.
So the bear says to him, “You’re not really here for the hunting, are you?”
that mike s. adams. what a superior understanding of human nature he possesses. i don’t know a single father of an eighteen year old girl who wouldn’t find adams’ repeated reference to his daughter’s “STD” high-larious. what a card!
145-grain silver tipped hollow point bullets
Don’t they have to be blessed by a priest, or something?
Bravo, Doc Adams! For any normal wingnut, this:
would be the crowning moment of batshit nuttery. For Mike Adams, though, it’s the most sensible and accurate thing in his entire column. Swank couldn’t do it better.
Dr. Mike is a personal favorite of mine, which is why it’s too bad he hasn’t been showing up lately. I guess it’s because he thinks of himself as a humorist and when humor falls flat, there’s nowhere left to go. (The really earnest stuff is funnier)
Some observations:
1.) I’ve heard the word “socialism” so many times I’m no longer sure what it means.
2.) Dr. Mike is probably really proud of his little “socialism = STD” gag, which is why it’s a shame that it’s been done before and better.
3.) After making a point of how un-Christian socialism is, he includes, as one of the steps in his “treatment,” giving equal money to his fuck-up son. Hmm. So there’s one child who was loyal to the father, another who went out into the world and squandered his money – one might call him “prodigal” – and the father treats them both equally. Wow, that’s so un-Christian that I haven’t words.
Mike S. Adams was born in Columbus, Mississippi on October 30, 1964. While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. He graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. He was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school.
But then he became a conservative and turned into the brilliant speaker and writer he is today, the end.
Did you notice how Adams said “income taxes”as opposed to “federal taxes” or just plain “taxes”? His kind strenuously avoid ever mentioning FICA or Medicare or state sales taxes, because non-millionaires pay those.
That’s all these obsessive assholes care about, the one and only thing they desire in all the world: tax cuts for millionaires. They care about tax cuts for millionaires ten thousand times more than they care for their own children.
The laughable part is that Adams himself is almost certainly not a millionaire, and in fact will almost certainly never be a millionaire.
The fact is, socialism and marxism are the same thing. They are both anti-freedom and anti-USA. Also, Adams understand that if we punish millionaires for working hard and being successful, we will all suffer.
Ah yes, I can see it now. The drug gang members stand there awestruck while Adams draws his .357 magnum, fixes them with his steely gaze, and calmly picks them off one by one with well-placed 145-grain hollow point rounds.
Because presumably DC gang members have no experience whatsoever with firearms nor have they ever encountered someone carrying a firearm while practicing their chosen profession.
Excuse me, but I think this story is crying out for an “undoctored” picture of “Mike S. Adams”.
I’d do one myself, but I’m too busy closing all the pop-up ads from when I clicked on that Townhall link.
By this time, she will probably hate socialism and the lesson will have saved you a lot of money.
By ‘saved you a lot of money’, Mike Adams means ‘cost you the exact same amount of money – $4,000 – only instead of it going to your 3.6 GPA daughter, it’s in the hands of your violent, wastrel son and assorted drug addicts.’
Math being just one of the many, many things Mike Adams is very, very shitty at.
While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. He graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. He was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school.
I just read an antivaccine thread on DKos, so my suddenly-renewed fears of infection are preventing me from clicking on the Townhall link, but…
1. Was he on the soccer team and phrasing it badly or is his life so wanting for praise that he’s taking credit for the team winning while he was enrolled at the school?
2. What adult advertises their high school career of failure?
This is too funny for words and reminds me of a certain redneck who fancies himself as a heroic search and rescue type even though, with his bloated beer gut, he couldn’t run to catch a bus and is the laziest ass I’ve ever met in my life.
What I make of this is that he wants to take his friend’s college-age daughter to a strip-club in the middle of the afternoon. With $2000 of his friend’s money. All of which seemed reasonable last night at 2am.
That won’t help you. Sir, if you are actually fool enough to do this, an addict will very likely walk up behind you, shoot you in the head, take your money and run away. Then this man’s daughter will be left to fend for herself.
Seriously, I thought nothing could be dumber than the “To All My Valued Employees” letter or the missive about stiffing a waiter on his tip in order to B. Hussein’s wealth redistribution scheme. But Mike S. Adams, you have clearly outdone your wingnut brethren. Hats off to you.
*in order to illustrate B. Hussein’s wealth redistribution scheme.* Idiot.
All it needs is some reference to how powerful women are keeping him down with their socialist vaginas, and this will be pure distilled essence of Mike Adams.
Come On. Adams’ idea of a “Hood” is that one block in the suburbs where a black family lives.
And remember, Mike Sadams is a professor of _criminology_.
I’m going to take your daughter and the remaining $2000 – in the form of one hundred $20 bills – to the ‘hood.’ Specifically, I am going to take her to places where crack cocaine is sold here in Wilmington in the middle of the afternoon. This will include grocery stores and actual crack houses.
Is this a letter to a friend or a ransom note?
The father could trust that he’s brought up his daughter well and try formulating an honest, cogent, respectful argument to convince his 3.6 GPA daughter that socialism is morally wrong/won’t work/whatevs, or he could convince her conservatives are morally hinky(if not abhorrent) and dumber than toe nail parings by agreeing to Dr Mike’s oh-so-brilliant plan.
You could just substitute the word “mud-people” for crackhead and the intended meaning would be the same.
I love thinly-veiled racism.
“See how I just gave $20 to a black person? Don’t you think that’s ridiculous? That’s what I thought. Welcome to the Republican Party.”
Mike’s student reviews at ratemyprofessors are amusing. It’s hard to know who to feel most sorry for, students at UNC-W, criminal justice students in general, or the chicks who find Mike hot.
Has anyone checked out the comments:
“Shouldn’t we be inviting people like Adams to follow through on their fantasies?”
Oh, we do, we do. I’ve gone hoarse inviting these fantasists to go Galt already and teach us a valuable lesson.
This Adams thing is an ur-text of wingnut style. The two main themes stand out in relief:
1. Fantasy of authoritarian swagger.
2. Blame everything *in your private life* on Obama.
He could stop there, but this thing is as dense as a sonnet. There’s also:
1. Faulty math re “saving money.”
2. A sigh that all would be well if only the girl came back to Jebus.
3. A thinly-veiled sexual fantasy involving a college co-ed, a big gun, and Great White Hunter Steve ushering the girl through the jungle toward safety and redemption.
“Steve”?
I meant Mike. Apologies to our local community of Steves.
The .357 reference was totally gratuitous and unnecessary to the story. I guess Adams has to mention his penis surrogate.
I’m not sure I’d feel that my child’s safety was enhanced by going to the ‘hood with an armed white guy with an attitude.
These wingnuts worship Churchill but they forget the first half of the famous quote “show me a person at 20 who is not a liberal and I will show a person without a heart” It’s the height of projection that Adams thinks this girl will be motivated by greed and selfishness
How is exposing the young woman in question to the drug dealers’ Extreme Capitalism going to make her hate socialism? Shouldn’t it have the oppositie effect of making her hate laissez-faire capitalism? I’m so confused!
He teaches at UNC-Wilmington? Isn’t that a “public university”?
from what i hear, crack dealers really dig being used as props in the morality plays uptight white-collar douchebags force their hot young dates to watch.
really, just drive up to their place of business, and stare at them. be sure to point at them as often as you can a lot. they love it.
Mike:
Do not speak to, or about, my daughter ever again. Or any other member of my family, for that matter, including me.
Steve
P.S. Remember, it doesn’t matter how big your gun is, or what sort of ammo you have, if the other person draws first.
I’m confused. Although I haven’t been there in a few years, I always thought Wilmington was sort of a resort town. The USS North Carolina battleship is there and two colleges, UNC-W and East Carolina. Probably some working class neighborhoods like here in Charlottesville, but I wasn’t aware of the open air daytime crack markets where college professors had to carry .357s with hollow points. In most places there I’d think that if you are walking around with an 18 year old girls giving out 20s you’d be pretty popular, especially over on the island at Wrightsville Beach.
I delurk to say this. This guy Mike is apparently a university professor. Surely he is aware of the large class sizes, survey-style classes and very little professorial interaction typical to first year university students.
The odds that Steve’s daughter was converted by proselytizing Marxist professors pale in comparison to the odds that Steve’s daughter encountered, possibly for the first time in her life, people with of a different colour/background than she has and it caused her to question some of the basic assumptions on which she was raised.
But, of course, that analysis would take away from Mike the moral high ground of being part of an embattled minority, bravely standing astride the path of progress and crying, “I’ve got a .357!” so that’s out.
Mark F: I’m glad the commenters are keeping people informed about the Gay Family Court system, since there are a lot of misconceptions about it. First, unlike the sharia/Islamic court system that it’s based on, it doesn’t just apply to gay families, or families in gay towns; it’s the court itself that is gay. It will eventually have authority over all families, and then at some point it’ll be extended to cover traffic violations and tenant disputes.
If I weren’t afraid he’d shoot me, I’d like to walk up to Adams and say “I’ve got a three-fifty-eight! Mine’s one-thousandth of an inch bigger!”
Mike knows his hollow points. He makes them all the time.
Honus,
East Carolina U is in Greenville NC, not Wilmington.
Wilmington is a nice little city near the beach. Adams’ continual assertions that Wilmington is 1) An impoverished, Marx-addled wasteland and 2) A crime-ridden post-apocalypse warzone are completely fucking bogus, and so is he. Much like Dr. Mrs. Ole Perf, Adams’ stories are almost always pure fiction.
Wilmington, CA is a rough place but I doubt that he’d be able to buy crack at the grocery store, and I laugh when I think of this idiot trying to talk to a crack dealer there.
I’m guessing Mike says it’d save money by assuming “take girl on tour of black neighborhood > demonstrate absurdity of giving money to black people > convert her to Republican Party > one more vote for low taxes 4eva > FREE MONEY!!!”. At least he’s optimistic.
This guy Mike is apparently a university professor. Surely he is aware of the large class sizes, survey-style classes and very little professorial interaction typical to first year university students.
You don’t understand! These professors stand up in front of their lecture halls and immediately begin preaching socialism. They loudly berate any student who disagrees. They show graphic slides of two men having sex in order to convert students to homosexuality. At the end of each semester, any student who doesn’t kneel before the university’s statue of Marx is subjected to an intense two-week reeducation course where they are repeatedly struck over the head with a burning Bible.
Let me get this straight…this guy’s son is abusing drugs and being violent toward him, and his biggest worry is that his daughter voted for Obama?
It makes you wonder why God granted reproductive organs to some people.
Do all conservatives believe their children should be clones of themselves or obedient lapdogs? I was under the assumption you sent your kid to college to become a smarter, better human than you are and if that involves going head-to-head with world views contrary to yours and your spouse’s, that’s to be expected.
But what the fuck do I know? I am a libtard queer infiltrating college campuses with my “it’s okay to be gay” garbage when we all know a college guy who questions his sexuality should stay in the closet till he runs across one of those “gay for pay” websites like all the others seem to do.
Sorry, I think I just had a fantasy.
Do all conservatives believe their children should be clones of themselves or obedient lapdogs?
Of course. That’s integral to conservative ideology. Note how the idea of, say, discussing their viewpoints doesn’t even occur to Adams.
I was under the assumption you sent your kid to college to become a smarter, better human
Haha. You send your kid to college to increase their earning potential. It’s called an investment, something you socialists wouldn’t understand.
about half way down the comments; “… but libs, its meant to be humour..”, or words to that effect,
and, have some of you guys been fucking about on the comments page…
All of these universities are cesspools of liberal propaganda. Same for the public school system. I don’t know about you, but that’s why I’m keeping my kids home. With me as their teacher, they’ll learn the truth about everything:
The world is 4000 years old like the Bible says. Screw the libs and thier “carbon dating” and fancy science talk.
The current economic crisis is due to too much regulation. We need a man like Phil Gramm to lead us out of this mess, not that wet noodle, Geithner.
Kids aren’t led by their hormones. This is a liberal lie meant to destroy the family. The liberal fascination with sex makes me sick. If God meant for it to be pleasurable, he would have made it last longer than 12 pumps.
Libstains hate the poor, especially minorities. Affirmative action and social programs are just a way to keep them voting demoncrap. They can pick themselves up by the bootstraps like my great great grandaddy did. Don’t cry to me about the delapidated inner- city schools either. You should have home schooled your kids like I’m doing.
fess up
Gaaaagh! I can’t stand that -choke- man, I mean “man”. But, tenderhearted pacifist I am, I’d really like to see that .357 magnum loaded with 145-grain silver tipped hollow point bullets [double !!! – ed.] shoved up his ass by a crack dealer, or maybe the crack dealer’s girlfriend.
I’m going to take your daughter and the remaining $2000 – in the form of one hundred $20 bills – to the ‘hood.’
If it were not for the absence of references to up / downstroke techniques, I would have sworn that this was written by Teh Fool.
You ever get the sense that all these wanky fantasies Mike Sadams has are just a symptom of him wishing he was paid to throw spears at buffalo?
One cannot worship both Jesus Christ and Karl Marx.
Lessee … Jesus: Jewish, preached about a Utopia in which everyone was taken care of (“consider the lilies of the field”) and in which all money was given to the poor and the commons for redistribution. And sought violent revolution (“think not that I have come to bring peace, for I have come to bring the sword …”) as a means to that end.
Marx … about the same.
I guess you can only believe in one Commie-Jew-Revolutionary at a time?
Nah. Primordial Mike Sadams would throw a spear through his own foot and blame deteriorating morals among his horde.
Crazy stupidity worries me more when someone actually might get hurt in the process – as with Mike Adams, or the entire Bush administration.
It’s hard to know who to feel most sorry for, students at UNC-W, criminal justice students in general, or the chicks who find Mike hot.
I’d pick one of the first two – no point in feeling sorry for anyone who doesn’t actually exist.
…These professors stand up in front of their lecture halls and immediately begin preaching socialism. They loudly berate any student who disagrees. They show graphic slides of two men having sex in order to convert students to homosexuality. At the end of each semester, any student who doesn’t kneel before the university’s statue of Marx is subjected to an intense two-week reeducation course where they are repeatedly struck over the head with a burning Bible…
True! That’s all true!
And that reminds me of an old Berube fan club classic that probably needs to be reworked to include Hollow Point Defender of Freedom Professor Mike S. Adams:
http://homepage.mac.com/cclarke3/FileSharing6.html
…no point in feeling sorry for anyone who doesn’t actually exist…
No. While I’m sure some of those comments are fluff generated back when Mike’s tenure was somewhat in dispute, I think a lot of them are real. Yup, future female prison guards and small town parking ticket cops find Mike hot! In a few cases, it looks like one or two future male prison guards also find Mike hot! Now that’s hot! Credit were credit is due and so on.
“Honus,
East Carolina U is in Greenville NC, not Wilmington.”
Well, we used to drive through there on our way to Myrtle Beach from West Virginia, so I thought it was closer.
justme,
I never understood that bear/hunting joke.
Until now!
Yes, it actually is funny. Mike Adams, thanks, and keep it real.
You know what would be cool? If he ran with this and went on a campaign against Christian socialist Francis Bellamy. Why, did you know that many schools in North Carolina have their students recite his writings every morning? Somebody needs to stop this, and I nominate Mike.