No one likes a quitter.

Outstanding.

Remember: when you feel that dreadful quaking in your chest that says ‘feed me,’ and you think in the back of your mind that that feeling is never going to go away, well, it will. Eventually.

Determination, my friend! It is a fight, and you are either going to win or lose. So what say you?

– a quitter

It makes it easier when I think of all the money tobacco companies send to the GOP. I’m actually using anger to justify quitting.

Let’s hope it makes you extra grumpy!

Let’s hope it makes you extra grumpy!

Ooooh, it will! Steve Kellmeyer’s about to take the brunt of my wrath!

It gets better, really. I quit after over 20 years, and I’m now three years into nonsmoking. Can’t imagine going back to it. Well, I can sometimes, but it seems like an abstraction. For what it’s worth, I found that the patch helped me — if only because I was so buzzed from the nicotine that I felt like a cigarette would have made my head explode 😉

Use the pain as a scimitar of righteousness against thine enemies! Also, GOOD LUCK.

The thing that made cold turkey work for me after 10 tries with the patch was one realization:

I had strong urges about four times a day, and they last about 15-30 minutes each. Once I saw them through for three weeks, I’d won.

The battle is only those four times per day–not constant. If I thought of it as constant vigilance, it was too grueling a task, and what’s more it just wasn’t true.

The battle is only those four times per day–not constant. If I thought of it as constant vigilance, it was too grueling a task, and what’s more it just wasn’t true.

My strategy consists of chewing a lot of gum combined with extra masturbation (like y’all really wanted to know that).

That’s a good strategy.

Masturbation in public is far more acceptable than smoking is.

Why the hell were you smoking turkey?

If you fail, ask your doctor to prescribe Welbutrin. It helps a LOT. Remember that most smokers attempt to quit several times before they finally stop, and the longer you can last on this round, the easier it will be next time.

What a coincidence: today I vowed to stop smoking. We’ll see how it goes.

For headaches, consider cold compresses, icepacks, sticking your head in a bucket of ice water, etc. Or, okay, I suppose you could get some of those stick-on gel pads they make for kids with fevers. If you’re lucky enough to live near a health food store, you can find roll-on vials of mint oil that will do the same thing, though don’t try to take them through security checkpoints.
Caffeine may help. Quitting smoking plays havoc with your brain, but only because you’re so used to the havoc that smoking itself has been for years.
More power to you, Brad!

You too, RSA! Good on you both!
We need to keep as many snarky lefties around as long as possible.

My strategy consists of chewing a lot of gum combined with extra masturbation

My opinion of this blog, heretofore that this was an establishment of refinement, nay, of surpassing elegance, has been altered irrevocably. O, would that I had not learned that you partake of the ignominy of gum chewing.

Good call on the strategy- the gum and extra masturbation (or sex, depending on access) worked for three of my uncles. They, incidently increased their intake of whiskey and rum as opposed to beer- but that may be unrelated (it was a bet, naturally- if you fell off the wagon, you bought the other two dinner).

Good call on the strategy- the gum and extra masturbation (or sex, depending on access) worked for three of my uncles.

Yeah, it’s too bad I can’t have sex with my three uncles… wait a minute, that’s not what I…

Congratulations!

If it helps any, remember that nonsmokers are extra kissable.

If it helps any, remember that nonsmokers are extra kissable.

…Unless they’re having sex with their three uncles. In public.

Good luck, Brad!

You should probably just give in and light up. I would if I had ever started. Quitting is for losers.

Vladi G is a douche and his Angels are gonna choke.

Also, trigrismus- hilarious, as per your usual

drink lots of water

I recall saying this before, re one of d sidhe’s addictions, but I promise I have personally confirmed that this works:

(1) every time you want the addictive substance, whatever it is, smoke some grass instead – neat.

(2) when sufficient time has elapsed for the original craving to subside, you may stop smoking the grass.

Chew the gum. I did welbutrin, plus the patch, plus gum more than a year ago, and haven’t had a cigarette since. i still chew the gum obsessively, but hey, it’s better than smoking (if not cheaper). Confront nic fits with “This too shall pass.”

Yeah, masturbation is key. The hairy palms catch fire when you try to light a cig. That’s just extra deterrence, the waving flaming paws around as you run to the sink to put them out. I now equate cigarette smoking with certain scenes from ‘Young Frankenstein,’ little girl included.

Congratulations on taking the big step. I recently celebrated 3 years of not smoking after 15 years of smoking. I too quit cold turkey. I was a mean bastard for about a month. It does get easier, but every couple of months or so, usually after I’ve had about six beers, I smell a cigarette or see someone smoking one who looks like they’re really enjoying it, and I want a smoke badly. That feeling usually passes in a few seconds. Be prepared for the smoking dreams in which you know that you’ve quit, but in the dream you start again. Be careful when you’ve been drinking. That’s when you’ll be most tempted. I would also avoid old movies, especially Bogart films. Characters in those old movies light ’em up without thinking about it, and they’re obviously enjoying it. Finally, don’t think you can enjoy the occasional cigarette. Once you’re addicted, you’re either a smoker or you’re not. If you fail, don’t feel bad about going back to smoking for a while. Eventually, the time will be right. Best of luck!

If you follow my method you won’t need to drink either. But you may discover that you begin to look like this.

Good luck! Hope you make it. Remember: Dubya is praying for you to fail. Be strong.

To stay quit, I must suggest avoiding me, personally.

I’m also the nicotine fairy.

My strategy consists of chewing a lot of gum combined with extra masturbation

You combine the chewed gum with your masturbation? Doesn’t that get awfully messy? Why don’t you use lotion like everybody else?

I’m also the nicotine fairy.

Like Hell you are- that was Roy Cohn and you know it!

Okay, Mr Mordant and Guiness Guy, I just laughed hard enough at that that I spilled my can of Tab on my cat.
She hates you. I don’t.

To chime in, I was a smoker for many years, until I quit cold turkey 4 (almost 5) years ago.

I’m dubious about the patch since getting all the nicotine out of your system is what eliminates most of the cravings. It’s like an alcoholic doing a shot every 3 hours because he’s trying to quit.

Buck up, man! I quit the first time when I got sent to Saudi Arabia for three months in the halycon days of Summer ’98. A friend asked me if I was crazy since most people start smoking when they get to Saudi.

I say just smoke weed. No need to stop, unless you’re out. In which case, Buy/grow more weed. It’s a nice little system…

[hugs]

Aha! A subject about which I actually have some expertise.

The first step is to fall in love with a brasilian. When it becomes undeniable that she loves you as well, pitch her overboard in favor of the afrikaaner who adores giving head.

The second step is to find a house in Buenos Aires. Guys who can speak fluently about the Structure of Scientific Revolutions are received as Gods in that city. After the Piqueteros spank your *ss back north…

The third step is to become the young guy in a Mainstream Protestant Church. Adored by the choir director, stop sequentially the smoking in your bed and in your car and on your breaks.

Come Lent, flick your last Camel into the dustbin and start drinking heavily.

Uncle Nick will be gone forever.

That’s great! It’s always inspiring to see the support for people who wants to quit smoking. I have been an ex-smoker myself for 15 years. That is why I know exactly how it feels and also how to deal with the withdrawal symptoms and the psychological aspect of it.

I now publish a newsletter to help people quit smoking with ease without the discomfort of cravings.

It is at:

http://www.easyquitsmokingsecrets.com/

Feel free to subscribe to it,

All the best to attaining a smoke-free life!

Obama helped me quit smoking.