Yousta-Beeism is so 2003.

Why dn’t y lnk t sm fk Rsh qts gn, y bg cwrd?

The barista had to say that to distract him while he drank a latte that was full of employee fluids.

A minimum wage employee of a megacorporation believes in an ideology that supports his economic interests? Go figure! What kind of moron doesn’t advocate for tax cuts that benefit other people and deprive him of opportunity, government services and a functional society. Fucking selfish baristas.

Bahahahaha. It never gets old.

Well, Breitbart is a well known treasonous terrorist sympathizer as well as a huge anti-semite. He really does want the US to fail and totally cheers when US troops get killed. But I wouldn’t dare call him a racist.

Fake stories to illustrate a point are somewhat forgivable. Fake stories to make yourself look cool are just incredibly sad.

And how was the whole Clarence Thomas thing about race? It’s fairly obvious that the media loves a juicy sex scandal, regardless of race or ideology. It’s just unfortunate that this one was never proven.

Tll – s hw bt Tntn’s fk qts bt Rsh n hs lst rtcl n ths?

Qck, mngl ths pst, Tntn! Myb nt vryn hs sn t yt!

The barista also said that Andy’s haircut was awesome.

Sure. Sure he did. And he was totally serious.

OMG I saw it!

Don’t give a fuck though. Bring on the disemvoweller.

So does disemvoweling have to be done thread by thread? Or is there a way to designate the IP addresses from which nothing but boredom is generated?

Look out! There’s a scary black person behind you! Run!

What kind of pathetic twerp writes a column praising his own performance on a talk show?

Starbucks barista is to Breitbart as ethnic cabdriver is to:

A. Ross Douthat
B. Amy Alkon
C. Thomas Friedman
D. Colin Powell

And on Friday night at the same time, I got a booty calls from Brad Pitt and Stephen Moyer

Why couldn’t this have been the focus of the article?

Breitbart bleats: Pretty much everyone I respect in media and politics recommended I not go on HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher.” But on Friday night, I defied that wisdom and had the time of my life.

So, Andy followed the advice of the people he had no respect for, all of whom said, “do it, man, you’ll totally kick ass!”

Huh.

What kind of pathetic twerp writes a column praising his own performance on a talk show?

Ah, but he’s not… he’s merely relating the totally truthfully true stories of other totally real people who do exist and their praise for his performance on the talk show. Do you see what he did there? Oh, the twisting, turning, Machiavellian machinations of the wingnut!

“I’m not saying I’m like Jesus – that’s for other people to say…”

Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy! Whoa! Liberal Hollywood hates the troops! Ha ha ha! I win times eleventy!

Hey Blart, was the barista’s accolades pre or post tip? I thought so.

The Breitbart Robort never malfunctions. He merely operates within unconventional parameters. And he totally knows like a thousand liberal robortics experts who agree.

Stop hitting myself! Stop hitting myself!

“I’m not saying I’m like Jesus – that’s for other people to say…”

Comedy gold.

The next morning, the Starbucks barista recognized me and said he was a liberal. Go figure! Yet he also said my critique of Professor Dyson’s knee-jerk use of the race card struck a chord. He also complimented my on-air demeanor.

And also my Canadian girlfriend.

No way GaltBlart tipped. Tips are charity that disincent minimum wage workers from becomming captains of industry.

a MoveOn.org audience from hell

Points for pulling the gratuitous Moveon.org reference out of his ass! Oh, and Al Gore is fat! Soros!

As I’ve said before, the wingnut’s primary mantra seems based on the phrase “Declare victory [regardless of actual outcome] and get out” – except, as evidenced daily by the resident trolls, they can’t seem to get their fucking heads aroung the “get out” part.

So I guess it’s “Declare victory, stick around, get defeated again, declare victory, repeat”. It’s quite a strategy. No wonder the US is in such great shape.

Who put this public hair on my Coke?

noen – fair disclosure: that one belongs to UK comedian Richard Herring.

The fact is, liberals fail and conservatives win all the time. In this economy, only the free market principals of Reagan will get us out.

…only the free market principals of Reagan will get us out.

Would those be the ones who run private for-profit schools?

I too became a conservative when the awful media hounded Clarence Thomas. But when they went after Bill Clinton, I switched back to liberal. It was at that time I decided to stop watching the news, lest I have to change my affiliation again.

BTW, the new Richard Cohen column is priceless. He finds Jon Stewart’s attack on the financial media very distasteful (while using a strawman of saying that Stewart was alleging a cover up by CNBC). Cohen accuses Jim Cramer of exhibiting Stockholm Syndrome (in his Daily Show appearance), although Cohen admits he lost thousands on his AIG investments (but his column has to focus on defending CNBC). Then he drops this turd: “As with the war in Iraq, for which credulous media should take some responsibility, the sins are blown out of proportion.” The man is a national treasure, we should bury him.

So our economy was destroyed by sub-prime-loan-defaultin’ negroz and our culture was decimated by this nefarious “black studies intelligentsia”?

Wow. I mean, WOW! I never knew.

…a MoveOn.org audience from hell…

Holy fucking shit, Breitblart, that’s soooo 2006, dude.

Don’t ya know we’re all soldiers for ACORN these days, dumbass?

Sheesh. These wingnuts.

Actually, to self-indulgently add to my post above, today’s wingnuts are so pathetic that they can’t even manage “Declare victory”. Instead, it’s “Declare victory, well kind of victory, but did you see that hostile audience, and liberal media liberal media, and I did a lot better than anyone expected me to, so technically, victory”.

Who put this can of Coke under my pubic hair?

But seriously: “The man is a national treasure, we should bury him.”

We have a winner. Permission to steal, repeatedly? Tough. I’m so stealing.

Reagan…name sounds familiar…wasn’t he the guy running the illegal shadow government which was funneling aid to terrorists in central america? That Reagan? Yeah, he’s a principled guy.

I won the Cold War despite liberal whining.

I’m sure that the lurkers support him in emails too.

Time to face the Cool Coach’s music, loony libs: Awesome Andy rocked the hizzy on Real Slime! You could see the loony libs in the audience ready to shoot down his free speech, like you crazy commies always do, but Awesome Andy won the argument! Take that to the bank and smoke it, Sadly, D’oh!

Awesome Andy served up a SPREAD of TRUTH! It isn’t just me who does it! Urban out.

Hey, SPREAD OF TRUTH, if you have to glom a football coach’s name for your babbling, couldn’t you use someone who’s decently dead and won’t mind, like Vince Lombardi or Bear Bryant?

Bitter, I think it’s all about the initials.

Heh, he said Coach Urban Meyer.

Forgive me for nit-picking, but where did people who’ve never met Breitbart dig up his email address? I’ve looked for it, God knows, and I haven’t been able to find it.

Clearly, you’ve never been to Spago’s men’s room. Or the Larry Craig Memorial Stall at the Minny Airport.

Awesome Andy served up a SPREAD of TRUTH!

Goatse!

CUM is not a member of the “humor studies intelligentsia.”

I won the Cold War despite liberal whining.

And failed to learn the lesson of the Soviet collapse, which was — Stop Running Up Huge Deficits Or You’ll Suffer Economic Collapse Just Like The Soviets Did.

Still, batting .500 is purty good for a dead guy.

I regularly told people I had personally photographed Nazi death camps when I, in fact never left America during WWII.

I find it particularly offensive that he cites Clarence Thomas’s ‘mistreatment’ as the seed of his conservatism. Thomas was ‘mistreated’ at his hearings like Rudolf Hess was mistreated at Nuremberg. That is to say, he was held accountable for his mistreatment of others.

Now, I would have liked the hearings to be more about Thomas’s complete lack of qualifications for the job, but his conduct towards Anita Hill was a legitimate issue, and I still believer her. Clarence Thomas’s faux outrage about the accusations (as far as I remember, he didnt’ explicitly deny their truthfulness) probably helped to get him confirmed, but it was dishonest and manipulative.

The fact that Breitbart was swayed by that false display of outrage says quite a bit about his gullibility and lack of integrity as a human being.

More like, “I used to be a liberal until I found out all the racists became Republicans.”

You’d think conservatives would have some hesitation to bring up Clarence Thomas. Ex-movement conservative David Brock wrote a book apologizing for his role in smearing Anita Hill.

Upon walking off the stage after Friday’s show, I felt like I had gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson Chicken Breast Tenders and RobertoDuran Duran.

Fixed.

Having something happen only in the wingnut’s mind may be pathetic. If he tells people it happened, and other people believe it, then it’s really like it happened!

And if he writes a column saying it happened, and lots of wingnuts believe it, well, that’s close enough to actual reality, isn’t it?

With wingnuts, there really is no spoon.

I remember watching him blubber about his “good name” being sullied by Hill’s lies–the “High Tech Lynching.” He started in on the “Who steals my purse steals trash…” quote from Othello (the one about the black guy that gets done wrong); But it was IAGO (the fucking bad white guy) who said this.

Alicia is a member of the “humor studies intelligentsia.”

With wingnuts, there really is no spoon.

“Instead, try to realise the truth – it is the spoon that is racist.”

Whatever happened to shoelimpy and annie_angel anyway?

Not sure about limpy, but annie still gots it. Whatever it is.

So other than being booed and showing myself for a complete idiot, I totally won because I got emails from unidentified people and praise from a barista at Starbucks.

Take that, libruls!!!

Whatever it is.

It = tertiary syphilis.

..a MoveOn.org audience from hell that booed my sentences before they were completed.

Perhaps they had heard all of your wingnut tropes before and didn’t need to wait for the punchline?

Dan D.: And as you probably know, David Brock was so mortified and contrite he founded “Media Matters.” I was so glad he made his decision for Christ and came into the light. After calling Anita Hill “a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty,” he had some powerful karma-negating to do.

Woah! That guy is madly in love with his reflection, his image on TV. Tho it is strange, very strange (!) that no liberals complimented him on his unbuttoned collar! How could they miss that? And dig his Bella Lugosi hair!

I had sex with a gay and it turned me into a priest.

Did I mention my totally awesome SAT scores?

FUCK YOU! Breitbart isn’t fit to smell my shit! That wingnut cocksucker can rot in HELL for all I care!

Let’s hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.

Have sex with a gay and you, too, may be ordained into the priesthood.

CUM/PUMper – That is the ordination,

Hey, you HAVE to take what Andy Butthurt says seriously – after all, he cites serious intellectuals like John “Fuck You, That’s Why” Ziegler, ergo you’re all a bunch of troggs who’ve never even SEEN anything on Fox News! In conclusion, neener neener neener, you eat beans & weiners.

It was the tag team of entertainment (Tina Fey) and news (Katie Couric) that worked to take Sarah Palin down.

More like the tag-team of Palin’s upper & lower lip, too in love with their dulcet tune of bullshit-balladeering to realize that DC isn’t quite the same as Wasilla … but shucks, if only there’d been a few more meth-labs around the Capitol (& a few more pundits willing to try the free samples), she’d be a heart-murmur away from those launch-codes today, damn it, also.

Winning just by showing up? So when does he rip off the mask & reveal that he’s really Dubya in disguise?

Re: Steven Moyer … hey, I’m straight as a laser-beam & I’d hit that like the fist of an angry god. 10 out of 10 for taste there.

I mourned Waffen-SS murderers at Bitburg & then got upset when others were disgusted by my total lack of common sense or human decency.

I identified myself with the rapist, mass-murdering, torture-loving Contras & compared them to those who fought the British in the War of Independance – while I was using them to subvert the Constitution with a criminal guns-for-drugs scam.

I didn’t just fund the bin Laden organization to the tune of billions, thereby aiding the 911 terrorists – I actually FOUNDED al-Queda. I am the reason 911 happened!

You lucky duckies are still alive to google “reagan created al-qaeda”.

I gotta say, my early attempts to destroy America (one of the Core Principles of being a Republican) pale before my success with 911.

Yeah MzNicky, I was just thinking about that. Lefties need to work that fact into our talking points more often. The fucking founder of our best media watchdog group was actually a bona-fide member of the right wing noise machine. It’s not as if we’re inventing shit out of thin air.

Wingnuts should never get away with bashing MM without being reminded of that.

Tintin you’re a baaaad baaad boy. You need to start sharing those booty calls.

Er, PeeJ, would you share Stephen Moyer? I thought not.

Uh, I think that picture is not Stephen Moyer, but Aussie Ryan Kwanten, who plays Sookie’s brother on Big Love. Moyer plays Bill Compton on the show and although he’s pretty handsome, I don’t think that’s him.

In case you haven’t seen it, the White House fountains are green today at the request of Michelle O’bama.

Way to go, Michelle!!

Someone please tell the adorable people at Nice Polite Republicans that Ronnie Raygun didn’t come up with “Facts are stubborn things,” he ripped it off from John Adams without attribution. K thx.

Then maybe we can get started “tearing down that wall” on the Texas border to Mexico.

Stephen Moyer … note to self: in future, no beefcake references before first cup of coffee. Whew, just in time – I can hear the sublime bronchitis of my espresso machine now – & oh that smell.

Omm nom nom nrmmmmm!

Well, I used to be a liberal, but after 9-11, I realized Kennedy’s behavior at Chappaquiddick really bothered me…

My favorite moment from Friday’s show was the look Bill’s face when he realized he booked a complete moron to fill a seat on his panel. That happened about 10 seconds after Breitbart spoke.

Well, I used to be a liberal, but after Jon Stewart’s unbelievable rude “interview” with Jim Cramer, I decided that Rush Limbaugh was right about everything after all…

Well I was a total left-wing, commie pinko until Nancy Pelosi’s rudeness made me appreciate Ayn Rand

I bet Andy is in Mensa. When is someone going to compliment him on that?

I used to be a woman, until Sarah Palin ran for the vice-presidency. Totally convinced me to be a man.

Used to be a liberal, until Obama’s lack of respect for Cheney drove me to accept all of his ideas about government.

Also, there is too much light in this bunker, please turn it down.

Hee! Get a load of this:

“,,,[O]ne can’t necessarily say that what Romney believed yesterday represents what he believes today, or that what he believes today represents what he will believe tomorrow (witness his incredibly well-timed flip-flops on abortion, gay rights, gun control, and a whole host of social issues). Yet the fact that this unprincipled political chameleon is being offered as ‘the last, best hope for conservatism’ (to steal a phrase) speaks volumes about the intellectual and political wreckage on the Right at the moment.”

This new Jerry Taylor guy is fun. Too bad he won’t last, but then, who does? Poor K-Lo must be in a state of collapse.

I used to be a liberal, until I realized it involved giving a fuck about someone other than myself.

I used to be a Starbucks barista, but putting laxatives into the lattés of pompous asses wasn’t doing it for me and now I’m not a plumber…

Used to be a liberal until I determined that I could make a go at a career as a race-resenter. Fame and riches are sure to follow.

My trajectory from left to right began with a similar seed of doubt.

You see, I used to be a too bemused roustabout, but I’ve Gone Galt, a generic genius gulching gaily with guns and gold (gone are the graven gods of glamor and glomming off government!).

And it’s all because Barack wouldn’t release his vault-copy birth certificate.

I used to a liberal but then I grew up and became a PENIS.

Update: I only said that in order to use PENIS in this thread before Dragon King PENISchuck .

Hw cm dn’t xst nymr?

Someone please tell the adorable people at Nice Polite Republicans that Ronnie Raygun didn’t come up with “Facts are stubborn things,” he ripped it off from John Adams without attribution.

Facts may be stubborn things, but a Republican with Reagan priapism is more stubborn.

I used to be an immature brat who shouted PENIS all the time, but after that swimming guy, with the bong and the photo and the gold medals – I… I…

Argghhh!!!! I can’t do it. I can’t quit PENIS.

PENIS.

“Yet he also said my critique of Professor Dyson’s knee-jerk use of the race card struck a chord.”

If true, that barista should be slapped for mixing his metaphors so egregiously.

I used to be a liberal, but that was before Michelle Obama had the audacity to wear a sleeveless dress in the Capitol Building. Now I spend every waking moment obsessed with illegal Mexicans and Muslim sleeper cells.

h h h…!

Jennifer: That reminds me of a song!

who plays Sookie’s brother on Big Love

(You mean True Blood.)

/pedantry

My trajectory from left to right began with a similar seed of doubt.
Coincidentall, my trajectory from down to up grew out of a MAGIC BEAN.

Coincidentall, my trajectory from down to up grew out of a MAGIC BEAN.

Never heard a PENIS called that before.

My trajectory from left to right began with a similar seed of doubt.
Was it a seed called Nick Cave???

Was it a seed called Nick Cave???

A particularly Bad Seed, if so.

I seed what you did there.

Never heard a PENIS called that before.
OK, truth is that it was really a mustard seed, which grew into a mighty tree, and the birds of the air came and sheltered in its shadow.
Magic beans belong only in foolish childish fairy tales, whereas magic mustard seeds are a matter for serious theological thought.

Sadly, No!

Still sucks. Did Brad ever rent his room in his shitty apartment? Did Gavin ever admit he’s Brad? Did Jennifer ever get rid of those crabs she picked up in Brazil?

Who knows. Who cares.

Princesss Annie waxes nostalgic as well.

St. Paddy’s Day: Get Maudlin!!

Passive-defensive as it gets. For the master of the literary style, see Goldberg, Jonah.

BOO!

“I was a liberal when I thought it would get me laid, and then I became a republican when it became clear that NOTHING would get me laid, even a hundred-dollar bill in Phuket”

In my day, you know, it didn’t count as a road-to-Damascus conversion unless you were actually on the road to Damascus at the time of betraying all your principles and going over to the ideological side that was holding out a better offer. How standards have slipped since then. It’s like grade inflation.

…a road-to-Damascus…

Isn’t that the one where Hope and Crosby have to wear dresses to escape the authorities?

The lurkers support me in email.