@humanevents: ZOMG WFT1!!2
Hey again Senator. If you remember, the Alfred S. Regnery Spring Fellowship started on Monday, so we have a new gaggle of interns until June when the Carthage Foundation kids come in. They seem very bright this time! Anyway the AS Regnery Editorial Fellow is named Jennifer and your column will be her first. Go easy on her! Kidding, seriously, if you need to find me shoot me a tweet tagged #grassrootzuprising …note the spelling, Mr. Sajak said the regular way looked like “grassroot surprising” and what can I say the man knows his letters. kthxbai
PS say hi to the black guy okthxbai
——-Hi Mr. Senator, hope I did a good job with these! @jenmonster———-
Destroying Both Jobs And Energy Security
By NEWT GINGRICH AND ROY INNIS
March 03, 2009 4:20 PM PT
Who is really in charge of our public lands and resources? The American public [oil industry] — or the radical left [so-called Bureau of Land Management]?
The recession continues to worsen. Stores and companies are closing their doors. Millions are unemployed. Families are struggling to pay for homes, food, cars and fuel.
President Obama just signed a controversial [wrongly popular], pork-laden [non-porkless], trillion-dollar [$787 billion] “stimulus” package. We’ll spend another $350 billion [definitely a lot of money again] this year on imported oil.
And with the stroke of a pen, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar canceled 77 Utah oil[-shale] and gas leases that had gone through seven years of studies, negotiations and land-use planning [were rushed through no thanks to the MSM on George W. Bush’s last day in office]. In an instant, he eliminated hundreds of [imaginable] jobs, terminated access to vital oil and gas deposits [speculative $48.50 average per acre R&D leases], and deprived taxpayers of millions in [imaginable] lease bonus, rent, royalty and tax revenues [that he threatens to increase].
The canceled leases represent one-third of the acreage estimated to contain enough oil to fuel 3 million cars and enough natural gas to heat 14 million homes for 15 years. They were rejected because temporary [long-term] drilling operations might be “visible” from [so-called “harm” wilderness near] several national parks more than a mile away.
Secretary Salazar is supposedly a moderate on land use and energy development. But this decision, after one week [five weeks] in office, suggests that he actually has strong anti-energy attitudes — or is too easily “persuaded” by environmental pressure groups [compared to Dick Kempthorne.].
They’ve [The Liberals] already eliminated logging and mining in most of the West. They’re now going after oil, gas, coal, and uranium — and after that ranching and [will take away your] snowmobiling[e].
Anti-energy zealots [and geologists] always say these areas only have three weeks or, at most, a few months of oil, [or no oil]. But by this [so much for] logic, why conserve, recycle or reduce pollution? Your personal contribution is trifling. Why plant corn or wheat? Your fields won’t make a dent in world hunger.
Obviously, it’s the cumulative impact that matters.
According to a 2008 Interior Department “inventory” [spinventory (hehe)] of federal energy resources, 163 million acres of public lands are off-limits to oil and gas leasing. That’s more than the total area of Montana and Wyoming combined.
These land drawals[holdings] [do not] make 62% of the oil and 41% of the natural gas in our nation’s onshore public lands unavailable — along with the jobs and revenues that developing these vital resources would [not] provide. Another 65 million acres are severely restricted — for an additional 30% of our onshore federal oil and 49% of our gas [accessible with some kind of restriction].
That’s right . [Not a]n area the size of Texas and Oklahoma, 92% of our onshore publicly owned oil, and [nor] 90% of our onshore natural gas — are off-limits to Americans [oil companies] suffering through this recession.
This [A possible] precedent to cancel leases (or never issue them), because drilling rigs might be visible from park and wilderness areas, threatens to make millions of additional acres off-limits [for all anyone knows]. Such shortsighted actions will [would] destroy jobs and drive up energy prices and the cost of everything we eat and do [make the baby Reagan cry].
Offshore, Secretary Salazar has stalled oil and gas drilling yet again, by extending the comment period of the current leasing plan another eight [six] months. Americans [I] rose up [apparently un]successfully during the summer of 2008, to end the decades [27 years]-long congressional offshore drilling ban, because it was bad policy [that’s how I roll]. Salazar’s actions suggest we might be headed toward new anti-[Gingrich] policies.
Protecting the environment is crucial. And most [If some] people understand that, thanks[.] to modern technologies, we can be pro-energy and protect the environment simultaneously.
For instance, while the left incites fear about offshore oil spills, the facts clearly show that current drilling techniques are enormously successful [spilly] and incredibly safe [spilltastic]. The same is true onshore [dat] .
In fact, three-fourths [at least 64%] of Americans want[ed] more drilling [last summer when we told them that it would immediately reduce gas prices.] not[.] less. They want [voted us] out of this recession [office]. They don’t want it prolonged with anti-energy, anti-job, anti-revenue policies imposed on us[.] by the radical left.
In the current economic gloom, there is no reason to revert back to the destructive policies that gave us $4-per-gallon gasoline and record-high heating bills.
Every American who supports a pro-energy agenda should contact the Department of the Interior (http://www.doi.gov/contact.html or 202-208-7351) [Rush Limbaugh show 1-800-282-2882] and tell Secretary Salazar [that we the people will rise up in a furious fist of pitiless freedom] that [because] developing all of our energy resources is the only reasonable option, if we want to create American jobs, improve the American economy, and support American national security [plus he should eat a big bowl of dicks hehe].
[Senator Newt] Gingrich is a former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives [successful film director] and chairman of American Solutions for Winning the Future [Together We Can Win the Future].
Innis is chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality and author of “Energy Keepers — Energy Killers: The New Civil Rights Battle.”
From: newtgingrich@amsol4.wtf.org
Date: Wed Mar 4, 2009 4:01 pm
Subject: Out of Office Notice
I will be out of office until monday march 9.
If you have an emergency please tweet
#totallyunplannedteaparty
or #secretgopplans
Lol! Kay thaxby! @fignewton
WOLVERINES!!!!
Truly a labor of love.
You are one crazy mofo, Gavin.
Trike force is gogogogogogo!!!
classic
and thanks to whoever it was that left the link for ‘funstufftosee’ two threads ago, ducks crossing a pond.. Think it was you Jennifer and you should know that I managed to waste my whole morning on that site. better than working, anyway….
Rush does not appreciate being dissed like that, fellas.
Just because the American people repudiated the goop and their policies by voting them the bestest FAIL group, and out of office, doesn’t mean that the goop are not full of shit. In their defense, many of them are pederasts. Others are merely addicted to drugs and visions of manimal sex. The remainder are simply crazy.
I’m trying to remain ignorant about twitter, but I guess once again I’ll be dragged kicking and screaming into the present.
twitter (n): a communication medium for twits.
Insert incoherrent rage RE: twitter in particular and SMS in general.
A little piece of trivia about Newt’s movie activities.
His exciting and thrill-packed Rediscovering God in America was produced by Dave Bossie. Back in the 90s, when Gingrich was Speaker of the House, Bossie was a congressional aide for legendary sleazebag Dan Burton of Indiana and an investigator for the House Oversight Committee. Bossie got fired after being implicated in some especially slimy leaks during the Impeachment Crisis. Even Gingrich was disgusted, telling Burton “I’m embarrassed for you, I’m embarrassed for myself, and I’m embarrassed for the [House Republican] conference at the circus that went on at your committee.”
And then ten years later he hires the creep responsible for the scandal to produce his God movie. Time heals all embarrassment.
Isn’t it “Tweeter?”
From the pajama people:
gavin
at some point the fact that you don’t get paid for this becomes confusing. what the fuck is your business model? is this web 4.7? i’ll do amazing work that takes time and then give it to my customers for free–in fact for them to disseminate to others for free…then PROFIT!!!
unless this is some kind of labor of love? or hate. labor of hate. either way dude, you really should be hitting us up for money so you and html and the shorter crew can go full time all up in this bitch.
from the PJ link above:
I submit to you the reason that Joe the Plumber is elevated by conservatives to the degree that he has been is because the rank and file of the party have been ignored for too long by the leadership. The base is latching on to Joe as a drowning man does to a life preserver. Joe’s instant celebrity should have been a red flag waving in the face of the Republican leadership, warning them that something was seriously wrong with the direction of the party. Alas, that warning has been ignored thus far. And at CPAC, we saw people reacting negatively to those waving that flag.
Oh please keep moving in that direction, “Palin/Plumber ’12”, they will be out of power for a generation.
Didn’t Newt direct that pr0n flick “Teabaggers: The Moistening”?
and I had to click on the Roger Simon link as well; his new book ;”Blacklisting Myself”. Self parody doesnt’ quite do it……..
Funnily enough all the reviews on Amazon give the book 5 out of 5, I wonder why?
For those of you not following along at home, here are the four paragraph/sentences left untouched by Gavin:
Heh. Indeed.
Truer words have never been spoken by that toad, Newt.
Personally, I think the one good thing the repubs are doing these days is ruining twitter’s public image.
Why was there an extra e in snowmobiling?
Welcome to Gingrich Productions.
Take a walk through our Nation’s Capital with Speaker Newt Gingrich and his wife,
JackieMarianneCallista Gingrich. From the National Archives to Arlington National Cemetery, this film illustrates the importance ofmarriage as a holy bond between a man and a woman until death do them partour Creator to our nation’s founders and their successors. Based on the New York Times bestseller, Rediscovering God in America, this documentary reminds us that America is indeedin great need of laws against adultery in order to maintain the sanctity of marriage and preserve it as an institution“One Nation Under God.”Amen.
Isn’t it “Tweeter?”
Woof.
Bow wow wow yippi-yo-ti-ay.
Twits.
Twits.
Stupid twit.
Why was there an extra e in snowmobiling?
It’s a test to see if you’ve read every sentence thoroughly.
The base is latching on to Joe
Anyone would think the Base’s collective voice had actually been consulted. I had a mental image of the Pajama-Media people cutting a hole in the astroturf and digging downwards, to reach the Base and tell them what opinions they were supposed to have, but then I realised that this was actually a scene from Beetlejuice.
I gave up on Amazon reviews after they deleted the Earth-shakingly awesome review of The Pantload’s pantload by Jesus’ General.
Exclusive pic of Newt and Roy.
Anyone would think the Base’s collective voice had actually been consulted.
Listening to the loadmouths in the base has got the silly fuckers where they are today. If Joe is your only potential savior, then you are way beyond help, only pity.
I gave up on Amazon reviews after they deleted the Earth-shakingly awesome review of The Pantload’s pantload by Jesus’ General.
That was superb, I’d love to see a copy again.
I’d just like to see that this post was brilliant, perhaps the best I’ve ever read. Must have taken forever!
Hooray! Time for another purity purge!
You should hear what’s leaking out of the woofer.
Other Twitter feeds Newt follows are
#manufacturedoutrage
#liars4hire
#johnboltonhairclub
#pompousgasbagsrhawt
#wrongabouteverythingnstilltalkin
#picturesdontlie_jonahismyson
#astroturfforthetruth
Newt used to be my Congressman. Note that he no longer resides in GA, nor does he have any dealings in GA any longer.
There’s a reason for that.
Yes, good point OB-GYN, Newt was a congressman and not a senator as he is referred to in the parody. Which is how you can tell that it is a parody! In real life, they would refer to the man with the honorific “Hey dipshit.”
Show us your Twits!
Twit to who?
In real life, they would refer to the man with the honorific “Hey dipshit.”
Many people in Newt’s old district do, in fact, use that name for him.
How long has Gingrich been out of office — 10 years at least? So the guys who are in charge of this limping senseless party are a disgraced former House Speaker who hasn’t held office in a decade, and a gargantuan bloated-ego hatebag radio talk-show host?
Sweet.
That’s right, them 77 oil leases might only represent a month of oil, but if we had 77 more oil leases in every state – we’d be looking at four more years of oil!!! That there is a brilliant play for any American preznit – don’t cut back on your usage, we’ll just stick new money holes in the ground, and money will come spraying up to heat your homes!
How long has Gingrich been out of office — 10 years at least?
Well, the Republican party is the party of new ideas, isn’t it?
How long has Gingrich been out of office — 10 years at least?
Well, the Republican party is the party of new ideas, isn’t it?
And to them, it’s still 1979. 1999 would be futuristic!
Tonight they’re going to party like it’s 1685.
The Reptilian party should totally bring back more luminaries from yesteryear. How ’bout Tom DeLay? Oh wait — still under indictment, I think. Dick Armey? YEAH! Whatever happened to that guy? Or Trent Lott, that front-porch guy who resigned just in time to become a lobbyist. Now there’s a forward-thinking leader.
[Thanx — thr isn’t anymor.]
[rushing through things g-]
The base is latching on to Joe
The let-down from that boob will be huge! Oh yes, I did go to the lactation joke.
#walrusmoustacheoffreedom
#blartblartblarttaxcutsblart
#obamabirthcertificatelol
#joetheplumber2012
#permanentgopmajorityamirite
Is this post satire? Is it supposed to be humorous? I am confused. I know this is satire because it says so in the title.
#divorceURcancerstrikenwifewhileshesstillinthehospitalrecoveringfromsurgery
Seriously though, as Robert Green says, you should be getting paid for this stuff.
I think Gavin gets his life-force from laughing as wingnuts froth.
“In the current economic gloom, there is no reason to revert back to the destructive policies that gave us $4-per-gallon gasoline and record-high heating bills.”
So… ‘Twas GWB’s staunchly pro-environment ideology that smashed the US economy! Huzzah!
*head hurts. need drink now*
1. Excellent work, Gav, but you can click Accept All Changes and the strikeout stuff will go away. Save under a new name if you want to preserve the draft.
2. What Robert Green said.
Shoot, anyone can play this game!
@notashleytodd*: Hey, I he scratched his initial on my cheek again and this time I he got it right! Honest! Would show you but I lost my camera while picking up trash on the side of the highway for community service lol. Tweet #thatwassolastoctober or #itookonefortheteamnowwheresmyfuckingbookdeal for details or if you want to buy me a brewski or something.
*I know, but it never gets old, really.
Aha! Proof that liberals love censorship!!1!1!
Real Americans don’t do the math! It’s just like you leftoids to quibble over a mere $213 billion! Why, back when the GOP was procuring those no-bid contracts & sweet sweet desk-warming gigs at DHS, that was petty cash! Donald Rumsfeld announced that the Pentagon had completely lost track of $1.5-2.5 trillion on the day before 9/11, & nobody even noticed that he couldn’t come up with a number any closer than the nearest trillion – THAT’s how well off America was when Bush was the President! See how far America Teh Beutiful has already fallen now that you’ve elected a
black guyDemocrat??/????Not to mention sullying Americans’ beautiful minds with your subversive “facts” & “data” – or clouding their judgement with your crypto-Leninist “reality” – when they could be betting on who’ll win American Idol, playing Powerball or engaging in other such good wholesome family-values-oriented activities.
OK, the regular s strikethrough tag works on preview, but not in the comments? Bah.
strike, not s
The base is latching on to Joe
Yeah, those eleven or so people who showed up at his book reading.
When it comes to the oil companies, this president is a niggar
d.I just want to see if the strike works for me.
Damn, no it didn’t.
A
niggard?Never mind. You clever people talk amongst yourselves.
NIGGARDS!
Niggar D? I thought Jack Black was ironically named.
Bravo, Gavin. A virtuoso performance.
As long as we’re editing…
…shoud be:
I mean, should be: “Salazar’s actions suggest we might be headed toward new anti-energy[Gingrich] policies.
Dammit, I’m trying strike “energy.” FYWP.
Use the term “strike” to cross out words.
American Sollutions for Winning the Future. ASWF. Ass-whiff.