“Bush vs. God on Israel ? guess who’ll win?”
The above caption is how WorldNetDaily chose to promote its exciting new book on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, called Eye to Eye: Facing the Consequences of Dividing Israel. Its thesis is that America should have let Israel evict every last Palestinian from the West Bank and Gaza, because stopping them only made God really mad and forced Him to smite a bunch of innocent people. Let’s check it out (empasis mine):
What do these major record-setting events have in common?
-Nine of the ten costliest insurance events in U.S. history
-Six of the seven costliest hurricanes in U.S. history
-Three of the four largest tornado outbreaks in U.S. history
-Nine of the top ten natural disasters in U.S. history ranked by FEMA relief costs
-The two largest terrorism events in U.S. history
Well, I don’t know what they all have in common (other than being really bad), but I’m gonna guess that “nine of the ten top natural disasters in U.S. history” are ranked in nominal dollars and aren’t adjusted for inflation. Ditto “six of the seven costliest hurricanes” and “nine of the ten costliest insurance events.”
All of these major catastrophes transpired on the very same day or within 24-hours of U.S. presidents Bush, Clinton and Bush applying pressure on Israel to trade her land for promises of “peace and security,” sponsoring major “land for peace” meetings, making major public statements pertaining to Israel’s covenant land and/or calling for a Palestinian state.
Geeeez, guys, don’t you know God that hates it when you call for a Palestinian state? It’s his second-biggest pet peeve, right after children who make fun of bald people.
Are each one of these major record-setting events just a coincidence or awe-inspiring signs that God is actively involved in the affairs of Israel?
Y’know, if God really had the welfare of the Jews in mind, don’t you think He could have selected a wee bit safer location for them to live? A nice Carribean island, perhaps? Or at least some place without quite so many hostile Arabs?
In this book, Bill Koenig provides undeniable facts and conclusive evidence showing that indeed the leaders of the United States and the world are on a collision course with God over Israel’s covenant land.
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!! This coming Sabbath, watch as the ULTIMATE DEMOLITION DERBY unfolds! Yes, it’s the United States… VERSUS GOD!!!
“Hey America… YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!”
“And it shall come to pass in that day, that I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.” -Zechariah 12:9
By this logic, shouldn’t Syria be, like, a giant smoldering hole by now?
Bill Koenig is the president of “Koenig’s International News” (http://watch.org).
OoooooOOOOOoooo! You gotta be pretty prestigious to have your own international news service posted on the Internets! Personally, I long for the day when I can write, “Brad R. is the president of ‘Brad’s Intergalactic News.’ Offices can be found by pulling them directly out of his ass.”
The daily news service has readers in 50 states and 79 countries.
And if we assume one person per state and country (U.S. excluded), that’s a grand total of 128 readers!
Bill co-authored “Israel: The Blessing or the Curse in 2001.” Bill and his wife Claudia reside in the Washington, D.C., area where he is a White House correspondent.
How is it that grade-A lunatics get to be White House correspondents, while I’m stuck here, blogging about grade-A lunatics being White House correspondents? Life just doesn’t seem fair.
I have a question; why didn’t Mr. Big do this sort of thing to the Germans during WWII? Telling Israel to pull out of Gaza seems pretty tame in comparison to that stuff.
Oh wait, they’d probably claim that the Allied victory was divine intervention, wouldn’t they?
So God is this totally psychotic guy who kills a ton of innocent people whenever he doesn’t get his way, hmm? And just to prove how totally whacked he is, he doesn’t even TELL anyone why he’s killing a ton of innocent people!
That there God feller is one seriously not-well individual. Kind of brings new meaning to “God fearing,” doesn’t it?
would that be the same “g-d” who is reputed to have approved the idea “justice, justice shalt thou seek!”? or is that only for jews, it is hard to tell with hebrew writing what they mean by ‘people’ sometimes.
Rowan- are you kiddin’ me? The Jews don’t get no justice! Look at their history! They’re just pawns being put in place to set the stage for JEEEEEEEE-ZUS-AAAH’S return.
The current plotline of Stargate SG-1 contains a very interesting philosophical discussion:
The cosmically-powerful bad guys are going around demanding that people worship them. If you don’t, they’ll kill you, but they don’t say that up front. One exchange goes something like:
“Do you doubt their power?”
“I don’t question their power. I question their purpose.”
Perhaps some of these people ought to consider this question: Do you worship God because he’s the baddest dude in the ‘hood and you’re afraid he’ll beat you up and take your lunch money if you don’t?
Cause, you know, some of us would never pay homage to an psychotic, murderous asshole, no matter how powerful he is.
“The Jews don’t get no justice! Look at their history! They’re just pawns being put in place to set the stage for JEEEEEEEE-ZUS-AAAH’S return.” ya think so, brad?
sorry, don’t mind me, I’m in one of my ?I see together with Lovecraft the potting around of enormous foul masses, moving in endless waves, stepping over the last remaining crystal structures of resistance of spiritual elites; I am gazing, in extatic powerlessness of my hallucinatory awakening, at the shimmering black foam, the foam of black disintegration, terror of democratic stench and frightening organs of these convulsing corpses, which – in the makeup of dirty whores with a deceitful smile, with the California beach smile of European anti-fascists, with the smile of mannequin whores in flickering windows(so I would define it) – are preparing our final defeat, leading us to a destination which they themselves do not know, or, more precisely, know it too well, on the way there with relish sucking out our bone marrow; this is the hallucinatory leaden mantle of Human Rights, this faecal-vomitory discharge of Hell, although by saying so, I am insulting Hell.? moods
Dust off your history books and check out what happened to the world empires of the Babylonians, the Asyrians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the French (Napoleon), the Nazi Germans and even the British. All were mighty world empires who at some time in their reign dealt harshly with the Hebrew people. It is “the times of the Gentiles” and God will allow or even use nations to dominate His chosen people but that does not change the covenants He made with them nor does it lift His curse on any nation that “curses them”.
Dust off your history books and check out what happened to the world empires of the Babylonians, the Asyrians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the French (Napoleon), the Nazi Germans and even the British. All were mighty world empires who at some time in their reign dealt harshly with the Hebrew people. It is “the times of the Gentiles” and God will allow or even use nations to dominate His chosen people but that does not change the covenants He made with them nor does it lift His curse on any nation that “curses them”.
Ah. So basically, because all Empires fall, and because all Empires (and just about EVERY society, for that matter) treated the Jews terribly, they MUST be connected.
You gotta give it to God for the irony of causing the two biggest terrorist events as retribution for the US: “You love Muslims so much, let’s see how you love them NOW, bwahaha.”
Back to lurking now.
Didn’t you know that taking a principled stand against radical right-wing Likudniks is exactly the same as anti-Semitism, you Nazi!?!
All of that stuff happened within 24 hours or on the same day?! That must have been a bad day!
Personally, I don’t remember any day when 6 hurricanes hit the US.
I’m sure you all want to know what the hell I was quoting from, but are too cool to ask. It was the character Tony S’Antremont in Jean Parvulesco’s ?Star of an Invisible Empire?.
Take this: So now you’re going to keep going out with her, for spite?
And replace it with this:
“Brad R. is the president of ‘Brad’s Intergalactic News.’ Offices can be found by pulling them directly out of his ass.”
“Dust off your history books and check out what happened to the world empires of the Babylonians, the Asyrians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the French (Napoleon), the Nazi Germans and even the British. All were mighty world empires who at some time in their reign dealt harshly with the Hebrew people. It is “the times of the Gentiles” and God will allow or even use nations to dominate His chosen people but that does not change the covenants He made with them nor does it lift His curse on any nation that “curses them”.”
Nice! Did you also know that one day soon, when the inherent inequalities of a system that forces the majority of humankind to toil for the benefit of an elite class cause its collapse, the oppressed people of the earth will rise in revolution and rebuild a society of peace and justice on the ashes of bourgeois society? Seriously! I mean, poor people are pissed off, right? And, oh yeah, some Jewish guy wrote it a long time ago, so it has to be true.
Alexander Dugin comments : “During one of our conversations, when I was explaining the meaning of the term ?ours? in Russian political terminology, Parvulesco lit up and showed me the place in one of his early novels (mid-1970?s), where he providentialy uses the same term in an amazingly similar fashion. ?Ours? for his were members of the ?conspiracy of Being,? secret network of agents of influence, who are united by a common occult goal to the other side of political disagreements and which resist the cosmopolitical and profane civilization being established on the planet. More than that, my Italian friends sent me a copy of Parvulesco?s article from the late 1960?s, in which he talked about ?eurasianism,? geopolitical project of the Continental Bloc, about the necessity of a Russian-German alliance (reanimation of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact), and even about the necessity of rapprochement between the reds and the browns in a united, revolutionary, antimondialist front! How strange that the texts of this amazing man – popular only as literary works and provoking a condescending smile in ?academic? traditionalists – with an almost prophetic clairvoyance, describes with a warning that, which became political fact only in the last few years far from Europe, in Russia… All this suggests uneasy thoughts concerning the true nature of this literary genius. In the end, who are you, Mr. Parvulesco a.k.a. commadore Altavilla? Whoever he is, he is unquestionably ?red-brown,? if only because all of his sympathies were on the side of a mysterious feminine figure, called by some really existing initiatory societies the ?Red-Brown Unicorn,? Licorne Mordore. But it must be noted that the French word ?mordore? means, more precisely, ?red-brown with gold or a shot of gold.? Besides the disdainful and pejorative term ?red-brown,? which has long been used to label the most interesting political forces in Russia, there exists a royal shade of this color – as a final eschatological coronation with Alchemical Gold of the great continental Eurasian Revolution, which ?ours,? secret and obvious ?agents of Being? are preparing and implementing today. Another character of the sacral tradition is represented by this color. We are talking about the Hindu god Shiva, liturgically called ?red-brown? and ?frightening.? The personality of this god is close to the element of our red-browns.”
Bill Koenig’s criteria for selecting events seem a bit odd, don’t they? For starters, what is an “insurance event”? Why is he ranking hurricanes by cost rather than, you know, death toll or power? For that matter, why are the hurricanes ranked out of seven when most “top (whatever)” lists are in multiples of 5? What exactly is a “tornado outbreak”, and more importantly, how are they classified? Is it by property damage like the hurricanes, or is it by the number, intensity, or area covered by the tornadoes? Doesn’t God cause earthquakes or floods anymore? And what counts as “pressure on Israel”, anyway? How many 72-hour periods did this cover? And since we all know that Europe is filled with anti-Semitic Israel-haters, why haven’t they been hit?
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a classic example of shoehorning. Going by the same criteria that Koenig used, I could “prove” that God hates Celine Dion because there was a natural disaster within a 72-hour period of each of her shows.
I could “prove” that God hates Celine Dion because there was a natural disaster within a 72-hour period of each of her shows.
Actually, that sounds pretty damn plausible. I’m surprised he hasn’t wiped Canada off the map yet.
We should all get our betentacled cephalolawyers to pop a jus cogens cap in God’s ass, yo.
I guess the Chinese, Japanese, Aztec and Mayan empires fell for some other reason.
What about the Abbasids, Fatamids, Umayyeds and Ayyubids, who were historically quite fair and tolerant of the Jews?
GuinnessGuy: Those were probably from homosexuality or lead poisoning. Or general smiting. God has to keep those genocide muscles in shape somehow. If He goes from lazing about the throne to full-on Armageddon, He could strain something.
GuinnessGuy: Those were probably from homosexuality or lead poisoning.
Definitely homosexuality. I don’t know how God feels about drinking lead, but we definitely know that He hates…
“since we all know that Europe is filled with anti-Semitic Israel-haters, why haven’t they been hit?
Rub out the word Jew, and you rub out the word Hitler.
The answer comes before the question.
— William Burroughs
A little known fact: In 1784 the Emperor of China received a chain letter from a Rabbi Noam Soloman of Danzig and failed to forward it to at least 3 people. 100 years later the Chinese Empire was an empty husk.
Why is he ranking hurricanes by cost rather than, you know, death toll or power?
Duh, what one thing do we all know about Jews? They’re all about the money. So if you’re a spiteful and retributive God, and someone’s hating on your Chosen Jewish People, what are you gonna do? Hit ’em where it hurts — the pocketbook! See, what Koenig didn’t tell you is that the “cost” of all those hurricanes was actually a redistribution of funds into the coffers of the International Jewish Conspiracy, as recompense for whatever pain Bush I, Clinton or Bush II caused to the Jews. Damn, this is so obvious! I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.
Speaking of which, special secret message to the IJC: Ere-whay is-yay y-may eck-chay?
A little known fact: In 1784 the Emperor of China received a chain letter from a Rabbi Noam Soloman of Danzig and failed to forward it to at least 3 people. 100 years later the Chinese Empire was an empty husk. wow, that is how to do post hoc ergo propter hoc ad absurdum!
wow, that is how to do post hoc ergo propter hoc ad absurdum!
That’s my personal favorite logical fallacy.
I have a question; why didn’t Mr. Big do this sort of thing to the Germans during WWII? Telling Israel to pull out of Gaza seems pretty tame in comparison to that stuff.
Oh wait, they’d probably claim that the Allied victory was divine intervention, wouldn’t they?
Oh, Modern Major-General, they already did:http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/001781.html#more
I’m sure you all want to know what the hell I was quoting from, but are too cool to ask.
I’m actually a little disappointed to learn that you were quoting, Rowan. I was hoping to steal it from you.
yeah, I am totally with the Celine Deon thing. I mean, come on.
Man, I LOVE your blog. You really do have a talent for picking the coolest, weirdest and most absurd stuff, analyzing and linking it quite cleverly and coming up with kickass sarcasm. Rock on!
THere are litk e50 things in this thread that I can’t top, so I’m just going to say
WORD.
And of course
COD.
Stupid comments bullshit
I meant
GOD
Dust off your history books and check out what happened to the world empires of the Babylonians, the Asyrians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans
Oh, yes, that horrible, heathen Roman empire. That was very much Christian by the time the Visigoths decided to drop in.
I would say the trolls aren’t even trying, but I know that they’re doing their best. Which is even sadder, really.
All of these major catastrophes transpired on the very same day or within 24-hours of U.S. presidents Bush, Clinton and Bush applying pressure on Israel to trade her land for promises of “peace and security,” sponsoring major “land for peace” meetings, making major public statements pertaining to Israel’s covenant land and/or calling for a Palestinian state.
If you look on Koenig’s website, the “major public statement” given recently was Bush giving a speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars at the Salt Palace Convention Center in Salt Lake City, Utah on Aug 22, in which he mentioned some things relating to the Israeli withdrawl from Gaza. Katrina was upgraded from a tropical storm to a huricaine on Aug 24. Not that anyone needed to verify that this guy was stretching to make his point… just sayin’.
the Nazi Germans and even the British. All were mighty world empires who at some time in their reign dealt harshly with the Hebrew people.
That’s odd. One of those pair seems to have finished itself off as an Empire as a consequence of its efforts to defeat the fascist and murderous tendencies of the other. God’s priorities are perfectly reasonable.
And sure, us Brits may live in an extremely prosperous nation with political power all out of proportion to our nation’s size and population, but God’s will was so tepid that century, as 30 million innocent people; ‘chosen’ and otherwise, could attest.
-Schmitt.
P.S. Everyone who died during Hurricaine Katrina died within 24 hours of someone contesting the impartiality of an entry on Wikipedia. God and free content web sites are on a COLLISSION COURSE!
P.P.S. Are tornadoes conatgious?
A) I am a sociopath made in his image.
or
B) He is a sociopath, made in my image.
hmmm. B.
Yosef, You I don’t remember any day when 6 hurricanes hit the US??
You haven’t seen enough films by Bruckheimer, nor read enough Crichton. Clearly.
Now, clap harder, and imagine Bush at your BBQ.
and turn the TV back up.
Holy Shit!
God’s a terrorist.
If we obey his will, then the terrorists have won…..
wow, that is how to do post hoc ergo propter hoc ad absurdum!
No, I’m pretty sure that only applies when the argument wasn’t absurd to begin with.
Or maybe not. Think about it, what do these major record-setting events have in common?
-The costliest insurance event in U.S. history
-The costliest hurricane in U.S. history
-The largest terrorism event in U.S. history
They all occurred during the presidency of GW Bush. Are each one of these major record-setting events just a coincidence or awe-inspiring signs that God is s actively involved in the affairs of America? The message is clear: if you love God (or if you just don’t want to get smote), vote Democrat!
Now, Brad–you know that a fair percentage of his readers don’t know which state they live in. “Fuckin’ ‘Murika, dude!!1!!”
Dust off your history books and check out what happened to the world empires of the Babylonians, the Asyrians, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the French (Napoleon), the Nazi Germans and even the British. All were mighty world empires who at some time in their reign dealt harshly with the Hebrew people. It is “the times of the Gentiles” and God will allow or even use nations to dominate His chosen people but that does not change the covenants He made with them nor does it lift His curse on any nation that “curses them”.
That, my friends is not a fruitcake, that is a Dispensationalist )that’s what the “time of the gentiles” refers to and it’s NOT in the bible) and every last fundie you see with a Bush sticker on the back of their car believe exactly that and that’s exactly why they got so big behind the attack Iraq nonsense.
Ha! Say, Brad, attempting to “straighten” up the bog, hmm? Ah, well–Gawd may hate me, but I refuse to consider the possibility that “he” even exists, so ::nyaaahhh!::
Pinko,
I think I like your suggestion better.
In cod we trust. Cod Dammit.
According to the incredibly boring Cod: A Biography of the Fish That Changed the World by Mark Kurlansky, “cod” is a time-honored euphemism for human genitalia, both male and female.
So, okay, I could almost go with “In Cod We Trust”, but on the other hand, it was a really boring book. I’m pretty sure I’m still traumatized by it. And it could have been interesting, too. That’s the truly sad thing.
smitten, Beth, smitten. D.Sidhe, the dubious merit of novelists like Jean Parvulesco is that they can make their characters say things that they would not be able to say in propria persona. This is also true of Umberto Eco, who actually uses much the same material as Parvulesco, but ends up as a sort of ‘civilised social democrat’. Since these men choose to express their views deniably, via didactic fiction, I don’t feel too bad quoting them without attribution. The real point I think must be that mercantile imperialism, which is what all modern empires fundamentally are, is not driven by any sort of spiritual idea pro or con biblical, but by an internally inconsistent and constantly changing web of rationalisations, some pseudo left and some pseudo right. I am watching hitchens versus galloway at the moment and one can really see this in hitchens. What a fraud he is!
smitten, Beth, smitten.
I prefer “smitified” or “smotificated.”
That, my friends is not a fruitcake, that is a Dispensationalist )that’s what the “time of the gentiles” refers to and it’s NOT in the bible) and every last fundie you see with a Bush sticker on the back of their car believe exactly that and that’s exactly why they got so big behind the attack Iraq nonsense.
Here ya go Ed.
And they shall fall by the edge of the sword, and shall be led away captive into all nations: and Jerusalem shall be trodden down of the Gentiles, until the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled. Luke 21:24 King James version
let me unwind this conundrum here : the Dispensationalists purport to believe that it is necessary for the Jewish Messiah, i.e. the Antichrist, to come and set up a third temple in Jerusalem – because only when this has happened can Jesus return and kill the Antichrist. OK?
wait a minute, let me add to that the idea that according to the Dispensationalists, Jesus will rule on earth via the Jews, until the end of the world, when all the Jews will go to hell for not having given up their desire for worldly power, and Jesus will rejoin his real friends the Christians, who have been waiting in heaven since the Rapture. Morally confusing, I grant you. Does anyone know whether John Nelson Darby was a Freemason?
Oh, yes, that horrible, heathen Roman empire. That was very much Christian by the time the Visigoths decided to drop in.
My my, how utterly terrible. They were almost as bad as the Greeks, who viciously persecuted the Jews by… ignoring them?
Not quite Rowan. Antichrist will not be of the Jews but out of the revived Roman empire. File this under European Union and keep your eyes on world news.
Bistroist, not even close. Alexander dies, Generals take power, one of whom is Antiacus who “ignores” the jews by slaughtering priests and desecrating temple with sow sacrifice.
The Jewish tradition, to which you appear to cleave, ‘watchman’, calls the antichrist ‘armilus’ (derived from romulus) – but historic Christianity, including those sources which are appealed to as patristic authorities for dispensationalism and the rapture doctrine, say that he will be a Jew, of the tribe of Dan.
If when you say “historic Christianity” you’re referring to those brightly colored fellows in Rome, I can see where the problem lies. I try to keep it scriptural and base this particular question on Daniel 9:26 And after threescore and two weeks shall Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary. The prince is antichrist, the people who destroyed Jerusalem and the temple were the Romans (the people of the prince that shall come)
Bistroist, not even close. Alexander dies, Generals take power, one of whom is Antiacus who “ignores” the jews by slaughtering priests and desecrating temple with sow sacrifice.
Ooo-kay. It’s just, when you referred to the Greeks, I thought you meant the, you know, Greeks. I assume you’re referring to the incident from Maccabees with the Seleucid king Antiochus IV Epiphanes? So you’re saying that the Hellenistic empire crumbled because of an incident that occured almost two frickin centuries after Alexanders death? How very prescient of them.
The Greeks, in fact, didn’t give a whit about the Jews. I don’t think there’s a single reference to them in Greek literature until Theophrast in the 3. BCE, although Herodotos does mention Palestine a few times, if I’m not mistaken.
Bistroist, Yep, I sure enough butchered the spelling, but you’re right, it was the “madman” that I was referring to.
Be it Alexander, or Seleucus, or Antiochus, divided or renamed it’s still the same. Talk about being prescient, the book of Daniel (chapters 8-11) tells the whole story a mere two and a half centuries before Alexander was even born.
The Book of Daniel, which most non-crazy scholars agree was probably written during the rule of Antiochus Epifanes.