Total Eclipse of the Fart

Pantload’s really outdone himself with this latest (not-)gotcha:

Questioning the Patriotism of High School Drop-Outs [Jonah Goldberg]

This is an intriguing passage from last night:

And dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It’s not just quitting on yourself, it’s quitting on your country – and this country needs and values the talents of every American.

What to make of that? On the one hand, it shows one of Obama’s great strengths and innovations as a liberal that he can invoke patriotism in a way that doesn’t seem affected.

Above: Turn around, bright ass


But I thought invoking patriotism came naturally to fascists! Ein volk, ein reich… you know. Now Pantload’s saying it’s all affect and Obama just does it with less transparency. But then the only thing worse than a real Liberal Fascist is a pretend one, amirite? I imagine a conversation between like minds:

Otto from A Fish Called Wanda: It’s just as our fellow intellectual, Nietzsche (who was, like Aristotle, a Belgian) said: “What? A Great Man? I see only the actor of his own ideal.”

Pantload: Totally! And Obama’s ideal is, like, FASCISM!

N.Y. Post Cartoonist: I gotcher Nietzsche quote right here. “The disappointed man speaks: ‘I sought great human beings, I never found anything but the apes of their ideal.'” Neener neener!

Pantload: Exactly.

And.. scene. But I digress. Back to Pantload’s post, from which comes a punchline of sorts:

On the other hand, why is it okay to question the patriotism of high school drop-outs when it’s just about the worst thing in the world to question the patriotism of people in other circumstances?

Uh, because urging, even if in the negative, high schoolers to better themselves and their country does not equal smearing political opponents by calling them traitors.

Moreover, I think it says something telling about the current state of liberalism — and the political culture generally — that doing your part to sustain economic growth is a patriotic duty. This may seem normal and natural to people, but this notion is in fact a fairly recent development, with roots in the Progressive era but culminating with JFK’s Cold War liberalism, when outperforming the Soviets economically became a national imperative.

He means, of course, that it’s part and parcel of Liberal Fascism. (Actually, what he’s talking about started in the late Reconstruction Era, if not before. And it is neither liberal nor fascist in and of itself, but then you knew that.)

Update: From a reader:

Mr. JG:

Maybe I’m being too generous to Dear Leader, but I found his reference to the unacceptability of America’s high school drop-out rate to be a remark directed mostly (though subtly) toward black America where that problem is most severe. I would welcome more tough talk to the African-American community, especially coming from someone to whom they’re inclined to listen.

Me: I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my points. But I don’t think that’s all it’s about either.

Yeah, it can’t be all bad: consider its potential utility in getting the Negroes in line! But that point plus the points before it are merely central to Doughy’s point which has a point, should you decide to take his point (which you surely won’t if you’re a pointy-headed Liberal Fascist Poindexter who typically misses the point, which, the point being, that’s exactly what you are, though you will pointlessly deny it, even when Doughy’s pointing his points right at you.)

 

Comments: 45

 
 
 

See, Jonah, I wouldn’t really call ‘failing your country’ patriotism, because I’m not Stalin, but some might disagree.

 
 

[s/patriotism/treason, as per usual from us liberal fascists.]

 
 

Methinks Doughblob Spongepants is disturbed by the ideas of more talent in the workplace.

Me: I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my points.

Translation: I don’t pay attention to any of the shit I write either.
Alternate Translation: That never crossed my tiny mind because I was too busy freaking out over the brown guy in the White House but since you brought it up, I will gladly take credit for having thought it up first.

But I don’t think that’s all it’s about either.

Telling kids to stay in school is bad. Unless you tell black kids to stay in school. Except maybe we don’t want them to stay in school. Schools are in the grip of islamocommiefascists. Do we want armies of heavily educated black people roaming the land? Wait, he should have just said “Hey black kids, I’m talking to you. White kids can go ahead and drop out. I have no right to tell you what to do anyway.” Except that might give the black kids some advantage over the white kids … MOM, I NEED MORE CHEETOS!

What an abysmally stupid little man.

 
 

…with this latest (not-)gotcha:

Or “notcha”.

 
 

Me: I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my pants.

Fixed.

 
 

Jonah pooped his pants.

 
 

Jonah pooped his pants.

He believes this is central to his butt, but it’s low and way out to the right.

And the poop’s off-center too.

 
 

Der Pantload is desperately seeking a Hippy chick to make him squirm.

 
 

Uh, because urging, even if in the negative, high schoolers to better themselves and their country does not equal smearing political opponents by calling them traitors

But it does equal Jonah smearing his poop on the wall.

 
 

Never mind that the passage had nothing to do with patriotism but was all about civic responsibility…if there is any such thing. Oh, riiiiighhht. Wingnuts absolutely detest ideas like civic duty. Everything must be motivated by the accumulation of goods. Mybad.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

Telling kids to stay in school is bad.

This reminds me of the famous quote from the interview the New Yorker had with Darth Rove in 1999:

“The tax cuts will make the economy grow. As people do better, they start voting like Republicans – unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing.” – Karl Rove, New Yorker magazine, Feb 19/26 2001 (combined issue), page 78, interview.

This quote reminds me of Permanent Shorter Republican: “Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts. Tax cuts! TAX CUTS!!!!”

Thus we face the sad possibility that all repigs are just crude humanoids made by the Roomba Corporation with a 10 line program governing their actions.

Global Short Int (I_*);
10 I_Wake_Up;
20 I_Eliminate_Waste_Product;
30 I_Look_For_Females_To_Rape;
40 I_Call_For_Tax_Cuts;
50 I_Ingest_Food;
60 I_Listen_To_Rush;
70 I_Rant;
80 I_Hit_Wife;
90 I_Sleep;
100 GOTO 10;

Yeah, I know, I had to invent a variable called a Short Int. But it kinda describes repigs to a tee. And I know the language looks like some kind of bastard child of BASIC and C and PL/I but I haven’t written 3GL code in 15 yars SO SUE ME!

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

Sorry, 2001. My ability to have internal consistency in my posts is going to hell as well.

 
 

I think they should move Jonah’s column a little bit each day, but not so much that it’s noticeable. Until one morning , when it’s discovered in the comics section instead of the opinion section.

 
 

Never mind that the passage had nothing to do with patriotism but was all about civic responsibility…if there is any such thing. Oh, riiiiighhht. Wingnuts absolutely detest ideas like civic duty. Everything must be motivated by the accumulation of goods.

One is reminded of John McCain whining about various DC vote proposals that the bare-minimum level of funding the federal government technically gives it to operate a high minority of its real estate tax-free was good enough for those wogs – the idea being that people should by all means trade their right to vote for federal cash.

God knows they spent the last six years trying to.

 
 

Ladies and gentlmen, I do believe I have found the quintessential Pantload post.

Please try not to think about how he is paid for shit like this. Your computer monitor will thank you not to put your fist through it.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

>blockquote>Ladies and gentlmen, I do believe I have found the quintessential Pantload post.

The interesting thing about this Pantload Post is that is shows where he spends his surfing time – at sites like triggur.com, which seems to be nothing more than one big fart joke.

Sheesh. Remind me to never underestimate just how stupid repigs are.

 
 

Jonah is just a little sensitive of being reminded what it feels like for a parent or parental figure to tell you how you’ve failed them, let them down, a complete boob, a failure, you’d be no where if your momma hadn’t used her strings to get you a job…

 
 

Doughy Pantload graduates! Doughy Pantload graduates! Doughy Pantload graduates!

 
 

What, wait a minute. These assholes spend every waking moment castigating people who’ve experienced so-called “failure” along the lines of – mortgage foreclosures, job loss, divorce and single parenthood, getting AIDS, homelessness, getting sick without having health insurance……

And now they’re outraged – outraged! – that Obama says dropping out of high school is unacceptable?

 
 

Man, if Stoopid was stretch pants, Jonah’d be a Texas Wal-Mart

 
 

On the other hand, why is it okay to question the patriotism of high school drop-outs when it’s just about the worst thing in the world to question the patriotism of people in other circumstances?

Gabwhat? I’m sorry, Johan, but you lose some serious points for failing to be properly vague. Properly phrased, it should have been:

On the other appendage, why good thing now not good thing do other way, mean hate islamofascist questionmark?

Then we’re not just dealing with a singular Obama quote, but confronting the crass politicization of all statements made anywhere by anybody. You’ve got to think big.

 
 

Update from a reader:

Dear Not-Really-An-Aspiring-Obergruppenführer:

Probably what’s going on is a manifestation of demons in Obama’s vocal chords as befits the Antichrist we know he is.

Me: I think that’s mostly correct and I meant to say that but the dog was yipping and so forth. There are other scary things to consider once I make them up.

 
 

Ladies and gentlmen, I do believe I have found the quintessential Pantload post.

I wonder what he searched for to find that page.

 
 

Me: I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my points. But I don’t think that’s all it’s about either.

God damn it, that’s vintage Doughy right thurr.

 
 

Otto from A Fish Called Wanda: It’s just as our fellow intellectual, Nietzsche (who was, like Aristotle, a Belgian) said: “What? A Great Man? I see only the actor of his own ideal.”

Pantload: Totally! And Obama’s ideal is, like, FASCISM!

N.Y. Post Cartoonist: I gotcher Nietzsche quote right here. “The disappointed man speaks: ‘I sought great human beings, I never found anything but the apes of their ideal.’” Neener neener!

Pantload: Exactly.

I’m so totally assigning this as an improv at the Studio next week…

 
 

Moreover, I think it says something telling about the current state of liberalism — and the political culture generally — that doing your part to sustain economic growth is a patriotic duty.

George W Bush c. 9/12/01

 
 

Shorter Confederate Goldberg:

Literacy? Why, that is an outrage! Who does this uppity feller think he is? Say, does this mean we can bring back literacy tests for voting? Oh, erm… never mind, still a bad idea.

 
 

Track #2 on Jonah Goldberg Sings Bonnie Tyler’s Greatest Hits:
“I Need a Hero . . . Sandwich”

 
 

Me: I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my points. But I don’t think that’s all it’s about either.

Is Pantload channeling Jermaine from the Flight of the Conchords?

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

I think this is largely right. I meant to make this point and somehow let it drop from my points. But I don’t think that’s all it’s about either.

Splunge!

Jonah’s writing often reminds me of bullshit I tried in junior high school when I hadn’t done the reading for the day – this is a great example of the form.

 
 

You know, there are a lot of folks on the web whose level of scholarship is just as shitty as his – but at least most of them aren’t dim enough to say so … let alone GET PAID to say so.

“The words I put in Obama’s mouth & the arguments I invented for him prove that he’s taking America on the road to perdition!”

Mean, ugly & moronic is no way to go through life, son.

 
 

…with this latest (not-)gotcha:

Or “notcha”.

“snotcha”

 
 

This “don’t insult the patriotism of dropouts” stuff is just the 624,392,836th variation of one of the most tiresome wingnut tropes:

If blank is wrong when a white man does it, then why isn’t blah blah out of bounds for blacks/women/gays/liberals?

To wingnuts, this is devastatingly unanswerable logic. To the rest of humanity, it’s whining.

 
 

Bitter Scribe, I wonder if that could come back to bite them in this case; after all, if it’s OK for fat, old, rich white dudes to harp on personal responsibility, why isn’t it in bounds for a black dude to do it?

 
 

Moreover, I think it says something telling about the current state of liberalism — and the political culture generally — that doing your part to sustain economic growth is a patriotic duty.

God, we just had the biggest terrorist attack on American soil ever. People are confused and upset and don’t know where to turn.

I know! Let’s tell them all to GO SHOPPING!

No, our society doesn’t have fucked up priorities, the memory of a goldfish, or lack of cognitive dissonance AT ALL.

 
 

This quote reminds me of Permanent Shorter Republican: “Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts solve every problem. Tax cuts. Tax cuts! TAX CUTS!!!!”

Stupid Republican Jokes (ambiguous adjective intentional):

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Tax cuts!

Why did the Republican cross the road?
Tax cuts!

Why do Republicans wear red suspenders?
Tax cuts!

Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Republicans!
Republicans who?
Tax cuts!

 
Leon Trotsky, Exile-in-Mexico
 

Three Republicans walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Tax cuts!”

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Oh, riiiiighhht. Wingnuts absolutely detest ideas like civic duty. Everything must be motivated by the accumulation of goods.

Hey, I didn’t sign a social contract!!!

WOLVERINES GLUTTONS!!!

 
 

I don’t see the point of the point Doughy was trying to point out

 
 

that doing your part to sustain economic growth is a patriotic duty
Apparently this expectation says something about “the current state of liberalism”. Except it is also telling of “the political culture generally”… in other words, it doesn’t actually say anything specific about anyone.
Buggerybollocks. You might as well try to argue with the great Boyg.

We all know that it would be easy to round up passages from right-wing rhetoric about the patriotic requirement to sustain economic growth, and about the worth of the individual being measured by his or her contribution to economic activity, but we also know that
“Individual as a cell in the body of the economy” = organic paradigm = part of Fascist worldview;
Fascism = Liberalism;
=> anyone who has ever advocated sustaining economic growth as a patriotic duty is a Liberal by definition.

 
 

Point: well, I think his point is he’s paid not to get the point.

 
 

And with that, BBBB wins the internons.

 
 

jonah goldberg really is one of the worst writers ever. it is amazing.

 
 

People kept sending Jo-go links to the Bacon Explosion and he professed to not understand why. It would be wrong to not speculate.
1) It seems to be extremely bad for one
2) He does know enough to not talk with his mouth full.

 
 

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