We Few, We Brave, We Battered
Manning the ramparts against the appeasement of black-mustachioed tyrants in far-off lands, not to mention the impudent do-as-ye-please-ism proffered by domestic race-baiters who would tax up to several percentage points more of our hard-inherited wealth, we present Victorious Delphan Hessian hisself, VDH for short:
I am meeting a few battered Americans these days. There are not many left, but those that are seem to sound alike.
It’s true — the work of folks like this has improved the lot of many victims of domestic violence … I’m sorry, that’s not what you meant by ‘battered’? Pray carry on.
Yes, I think I am beginning to understand Mr. Battered American, and he sounds tired and a bit like this.
‘I’m sorry Mr. President, but we are just not dictatorial in the Middle East. You said the Saudis, not America, showed courage over there. But, Mr. President, the Saudis, they live under Sharia law! And my God! — they once engineered crippling oil boycotts against our nation.’
Well, yes, but that was way back in 1973 — at the very beginning of history itself! As scientists have shown, it was a mere tenth of a millionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a second following the Big Bang that the universe had cooled off sufficiently to allow the formation of OPEC. Must we really venture so far back in the musty past of US-Saudi relations just to prove a point, Mr. Hessian?
‘And wasn’t it they who produced 15 of the 19 killers on 9/11? So no, Mr. President, those Saudis — they simply are not courageous.’
To be fair, some have argued that more than half of the citizens of Saudi Arabia (pre-9/11 population: 31) did NOT participate in the events of that tragic day, so it is wrong to tar them all with the actions of the minority. But as VDH might counter — this just highlights the cowardice of ALL Saudis, seeing as how the dissenters had numbers on their side.
‘Now Mr. Biden, there is no reason to set the reset button on foreign policy, as you promised all those Europeans. None at all. Tell that resetting stuff instead to Ahmadinejad, Chavez, that Korean nut, Putin, and all the other thugs who kill and cause misery, but not to our America that saves and feeds and helps.’
There’s a bumper sticker slogan in here somewhere. Perhaps: ‘Speak softly and carry a big reset button.’ Or: ‘The sun never sets on the American reset button.’ Better still: ‘We have to reserve the right to set the reset button on the niggers.’ Even better: ‘Hey world! Go fuck yourself!’
‘Mrs. Clinton, it’s now your turn. We are not impulsive as you told the world. So you can stop apologizing for America’s recent behavior — unless you think the world would be a better place with the Taliban, and Saddam and his two boys in power.’
Fucking suffragettes. Does their molly-coddling know no bounds? There was nothing ‘impulsive’ about the so-called ‘rush to war’ with Iraq — why it took the better part of a year of fear-mongering and misinformation to get the likes of Hilary Clinton to greenlight it! How soon we forget!
As he thinks about this apology business, the battered American always gets a little angrier, ‘And another thing. Mr. Holder, I’ve never said or done a racist thing in my life, not one. Always supported equal opportunity, always will. So don’t call me a “coward” or my countrymen “cowards,” not when you’re my Attorney General.’
Indeed, Mr. Holder. How many illegals did you put to work tilling the soil at your ancestral estate? Hmm? Or conversely, how many did you NOT hire when it became politically toxic to do so? Double-hmm!
‘When I was in high school I was taught that name-calling like that might be what they said was “projection”.’
Ah, yes — Mr. Battered Amercian remembers that lesson well. Unfortunately, he came down with mono and missed the the following week’s course on ‘irony’.
Our battered American I noticed gets even more riled up and would say to our new energy secretary, ‘And another thing Mr. Chu, California isn’t going anywhere. What’s this dry up and blow away nonsense? You’re our Energy Secretary, not Jimmy Carter in his cardigan sweater or Al Gore doing interviews on that private jet.’
And when did those two charlatans ever come within sniffing distance of higher office? For shame, Mr. Chu! Incidentally, we’d put a huge dent in ‘global warming’ if Jimmy Carter and Al Gore joined forces and tried jetting around at 30,000 feet in a cardigan sweater. BWAHAHA, heh, etc.
‘So Americans aren’t going to “vanish” in rural California. We’re proud that we created, by blood, and hard work, and suffering, the richest agricultural valleys in the world.’
And tortillas, we might add. Blood, hard work, suffering and tortillas. Sometimes we even went without the tortillas. So screw you, Mr. Chu! You weren’t there in El Valle with the campesinos when the shit went down with the right-wing Anglo oppressors!
‘They won’t disappear soon — at least not if you allow us to have the water that our great-grandfathers tapped and brought down from the Sierra, instead of letting it run full blast into the sea so that Speaker Pelosi’s mice can live more nicely in the bay than we do on our farms.’
And by ‘mice’, asshole, we mean ‘salmon’ — which are like rodents with gills.
Finally, Mr. Battered American would snap back to Mr. President: ‘I played by the rules, and put a little away in my 401(k). I knew the risks, not because the broker, the bank, or the firm told me all the risks, but because I never shook hands with any of them or even knew those who took my money and promised it was safe — and so I was never sure it really was. And I lost 30 percent of it. I will live by that too.’
And what’s more, Mr. President, I put all this stiff-upper lip shit at the very end of this column. So you can bet 99 percent of my readers aren’t going to get this far, which is bad for you because this is where I completely lose all the pissed-off rubes who read me, because they’re absolutely banking on a handout just like everybody else in this toilet bowl of an economy. Thus, they get the cake of ginned-up outrage while still holding out hope of eating a fat slice of stimulus, too. Top that, asshat!
Mr. Battered American sounds like the mascot of a brand of onion rings.
Or fish stick. Stock up on fish sticks in these troubled economic times.
Manning the ramparts against the appeasement of black-mustachioed tyrants…
Or ramming the manparts, if you will.
And another thing Mr. Chu…
I defeat Chu!
You have to admit, it takes a hell of a lot of smarmy, hypocritical gall to blubber about Obama’s supposed apologizing for the Saudis, otherwise known as “George W. Bush’s Fuckbuddies.”
Interestingly, I felt like a “battered American” from January 2001 until January 2009. During most of those years I was jeered as an appeaser, a traitor, a flag-burning, anti-American troop hater by those like VDH because invading a sovereign nation with no ties to 9/11 on fixed intelligence seemed like a very bad idea to me. When I asked why enormous tax cuts benefitting the wealthiest Americans and its largest corporations were good for our economy overall, I was accused of engaging in “class warfare” or favoring “redistributionish” policies. When I wondered why we could no longer believe our food was safe, our water was pure and our air was breathable, I was painted as an anti-business crank who ought to decamp for the socialist pleasures of Europe. And when I lamented the shredding of our Constitution, our abandonment of the Geneva Conventions, our abrogating several international treaties, our effort to slip around habeas corpus, I was fingered for being “effectively pro-terrorist.”
In short, I believe I understand this “battered American” syndrome, Mr. Hanson, and I politely and fervently wish you go fuck yourself before you come mewling and moaning around about how your poor little feelings have been damaged by the return of realism and the rule of law.
Venereal Disease Hanson covers a goddamn lot of Angry White Male territory here, you’ve got to admit.
to set the reset button
….
mice can live more nicely in the bay
Is Pelosi funding little SCUBA tanks or something? Mr. Batter-dipped Strawmerican is a crappy writer.
So you can stop apologizing for America’s recent behavior — unless you think the world would be a better place with the Taliban, and Saddam and his two boys in power.
Yeah, it’s pretty great that we don’t have to worry about that awful Taliban anymore. It’d be a shame if we had turned our attention away from them and got distracted by a war against a country that was completely toothless and impotent…
It’s also totally rad that we only had to lose 4,000+ American lives and spend trillions of dollars to rid the world of the awesomely fearsome Saddam Hussein and his huge stockpile of WMDs. That was so totally worth it.
I picture this being performed with hand puppets.
Re: Nancy Pelosi’s “mice” – I wonder if Hanson knows the demographics of salmon fishers and California farm workers. Me thinketh not, forsooth
Get a grip, Victor. It’s ONLY a fucking hang-nail.
Somebody tell VD to get the butter.
I think I am beginning to understand Mr. Battered American
Deep-fried. The other white meat.
I think I am beginning to understand Mr. Battered American
I think I even know what he looks like – an anthropomorphized deep-fried Twinkie.
I think I even know what he looks like – an anthropomorphized deep-fried Twinkie.
Less and less anthropomorphized.
Why is it only Mr. Battered American?
The battered American can just shut up and piss off.
Shut the fuck up if you haven’t been deep fried.
Why is it only Mr. Battered American?
See page 2 for Mrs. BA bitching about her credit cards. Just like a woman! BLAR HAR
I feel your pain.
It’s amazing how tough these battered Americans are after 8 full years of exuberant diarrhea during the Bush Jr. reign.
After 8 long years of hard work sh*tting their triumphalist and fear mongering claims all over the American, nay, the global, landscape, you”d think they’d deserve a moments’ rest to soothe their strained a**es.
But no, not these brave souls, they are willing to work for yet another 4 years of blasting conservativist feces about, picking it up and flinging it with disciplined resolve, even willingly donning their oldest, unwashed sh*t-stained trousers to increase the patriotic noxicity of their offerings.
It’s amazing how tough these battered Americans are after 8 full years
Yes, it’s been what, some 32 days since Bush was out of office, and they’re already whining about what they’re being forced to endure.
Shed by people like Juan de la Cruz, Nagi Daifallah (scary name!), Rufino Contreras, and Rene Lopez (pdf).
I eagerly await VDH’s future columns addressing other long-neglected demographics within American culture.
Dear Mr. Anal-Leakage American
Dear Mr. We-Can-Put-A-Man-On-The-Moon-But-Goddamnit-Why-Can’t-We-Produce-Quality-She-Male-Porn American
Dear Mr. Bigmouth-Billy-Bass-Enthusiast American
Dear Mr. Eagerly-Awaiting-the-Publication-of-The-Complete-Writings-of-Mary-Grabar American
How does this “Mr Battered America” competition work? Is there a state-level contest first of all, to select a Mr Battered Alabama and Mr Battered Wisconsin and Mr Baked Alaska to compete at the national level?
how ’bout wingnut fouette?
Smut Clyde, Mr. Baked Alaska was disqualified – he tested positive for marijuana.
What Bordo said, with much awesomeness, at 22:07.
How does this “Mr Battered America” competition work?
Yes, there is a swimsuit competition. The one who gets laughed at most wins.
Wait a minute. When did The Clap get a degree in climatology?
Doesn’t Gawd “create” all that shit? Or did The Clap slit his wrists open, & where his blood fell to earth, a garden grew? Wasn’t it migrant workers (see previous post concerning “slavery”) who did all the fucking work?
No, the Americans just stole all the water they could.
Tempura?
Yes, there is a swimsuit competition.
The Speedo is made of sprayed on KFC batter.
Shorter VDH: Where does literally getting physically battered in an American secret prison rank on the ‘battered’ scale? I don’t know, but it’s a lot lower than being forced to apologize for doing same.
Finally, Mr. Battered American would snap back to Mr. President: ‘I played by the rules, and put a little away in my 401(k). I knew the risks, not because the broker, the bank, or the firm told me all the risks, but because I never shook hands with any of them or even knew those who took my money and promised it was safe — and so I was never sure it really was. And I lost 30 percent of it. I will live by that too.’
Wonderful! “Mr. President, I’m not very bright, but if someone steals my lifesavings, I’m not going to complain!”
Why are they so few battered Americans that Victorianus Decimus Hansenus In Extremis Alea Jacta Est, meets? Maybe he should realise that battered food isn’t good for him and start meeting crumbed Americans
Wonderful! “Mr. President, I’m not very bright, but if someone steals my lifesavings, I’m not going to complain!”
The authoritarian brain (can’t really call it a mind) at work & play.
To be fair, some have argued that more than half of the citizens of Saudi Arabia (pre-9/11 population: 31) did NOT participate in the events of that tragic day,
Likewise, and fortunately for America, most of the rest of the world understands that not all Americans voted for the worst president ever in 2000 and 2004.
Finally, Mr. Battered American would snap back to Mr. President: ‘…I lost 30 percent of it. I will live by that too.’
You can cover a sock-puppet with tempura batter, and Pinko Punko would probably eat it, but it is STILL A SOCK-PUPPET.
‘And wasn’t it they who produced 15 of the 19 killers on 9/11? So no, Mr. President, those Saudis — they simply are not courageous.’
Perhaps Mr Battered Sock-Puppet should have been saying these things a few years ago when the Bush administration decided to invade everywhere except Saudi Arabia.
Dear Mr. Battered American,
As you may know, we were recently released from nearly 10 years of servitude to an insane ideology which servitude prevented us from doing any work. This letter is to inform you of results of newly completed tests of your coating.
It is unfortunate that your composition – melamine, lead, mercury and peanut butter – has been determined to be toxic to all known life forms.
Please return yourself to your manufacturer immediately.
Yours,
The Eff Fucking DA.
I knew the risks, not because the broker, the bank, or the firm told me all the risks, but because I never shook hands with any of them or even knew those who took my money
Huh, I knew the risks because I actually did some research and didn’t rely on some sort of hand-shaking juju. What’s this guy’s real name, Mark McMuggins?
OT (But fun!): “Alleged” goat-blower Kaus must be “intensely” disappointed:
That guy is bestially stupid.
I’d understand him better if he didn’t keep making two conflicting points in every sentence. What is he for or against? I didn’t catch that.
Folks, you’re reading this all wrong… it’s a series of typos compounded by cut-n-paste. All along, VDH was was writing about Mr. Buttered American. You know, Selwyn Duke!
The whole column’s about the drying up of wingnut welfare.
We Americans are not going to take a dime of that stimulus money, because there are “Strings”. Strings that compete with quantum physics for top dog explanation of everything. Strings of responsibility. Strings that deny pork. Pork! Mr. Battered Americans have farms with pork, lots of it. So Mr. President you are denying us food.
Strings that do not allow us local battered people to fund pet projects, reward contractors, and make gifts of projects to our acquaintances with money to burn are evolutionary. We all know how evil that is. Mr. Battered would like to know how the president expects to help the economy by burning money.
We will have none of it. Now if you could finance SUVs we can’t afford, or even a few nights out a week maybe we’d have something to talk about, but until than you can keep your strings, because we have smart governors who know we don’t need unemployment insurance, health care and that racist based “public education”. The fantasy of preventing the poor, elderly, and physically challenged from becoming destitute is not affordable, because we have offices to furnish, jets to buy, and necessary junkets to make us feel like we aren’t working for nothing.
Why should we waste money on government buildings that need weather proofing. Mr. Battered knows how to weather proof buildings – board them up, because everyone knows that Americans are waiting in line for the opportunity to be used and abused by big business like they did in the good old days when a few patriotic companies planned to overthrow the governement, because the government would not obey their fascist demands.
Mr. Battered knows who the enemy is – it is him because he refuses to live on nothing or be completely enslaved by people who do not give a damn about him. Get real – no more strings. No one really knows if they are real or not anyway.
Signed,
A concerned Battered citizen
If a whip is made of velvet does it sting less – string theorists are dying to know.
ps. We the battered think that the prison system should be three, four, or five times larger than the largest prison system in the world, because there are going to be rebels who say no to enslavement by fascists. The fools call themselves patriots. Imagine anyone thinking he is a patriot, because he believes in a democratic republic when we all know that is just another sneaky string.
The most important idea to remember in all of this is that the republicans had nothing to do with anything negative and everything to do with anything positive. It was the fault of those damn string bastards and their anti-American protestor friends who actually believe that freedom was ever a real concept and that a united community in defense of liberty has a thing to do with real life.
The Speedo is made of sprayed on KFC batter.
The secret spice is jock itch.
Maybe he should realise that battered food isn’t good for him and start meeting crumbed Americans
We should introduce him to Panko Punko.
Obama’s supposed to be responsible for some dude’s deteriorated 401K? Seriously? The second G. W. Bush recession started in the fourth quarter of 2007. Incidentally, I posted a comment concerning this on the Pajamas Media web site, which is being withheld, probably forever, for “moderation.”
So if Mr. Batshit-Crazy American had been able to look them in the eye & see their souls while shaking hands, the economy wouldn’t have disappeared?
But what about Mr. Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, and Topped American?
Who will speak for him?
Being liberal and hence frenchyfied (but not frenchy fried), I can at best muster up enough anger to be Mr. Meuniere American.
I never shook hands with any of them or even knew those who took my money
I can’t tell whether he’s proud of this, or whether he’s complaining they didn’t take his calls.
But what about Mr. Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, and Topped American?
Why can’t he speak for himself? Is his mouth full?
Perhaps with a lemon buerre blanc.
Being liberal and hence frenchyfied (but not frenchy fried)…
Mr. Pommes-Frites American?
But what about Mr. Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, and Topped American?
Who will speak for him?
First they came for the Battered, and because I wasn’t battered, I remained silent. Then they came for the Broasted, and because I wasn’t broasted, I remained silent. Then they came for the Flame-Broiled, and because I wasn’t fame-broiled, I remained silent. Then they came for the Cajun-Blackened….
I am willing to provide VDH with quotes in my role as Mr New Zealander with Bechamel Sauce, but only if there is no feckin’ cilantro involved.
Batter my heart, freep-person’d clod.
O tempura! O mornay!
I never shook hands with any of them or even knew those who took my money
I never looked into his eyes and saw his soul.
Don’t even get me started on the borderlaise!
Thanks for the link, B to the 4!
Smut Clyde can be the effete Mr. New Zealander in bechamel (surrender monkey) sauce. I shall proudly be Mr New Zealand whitebait fritter
Golden battered Hansen. Can I get fries with that?
I think I’d like to be Beer-Battered. that would be OK.
or I should say “freedom fries” mmmmmmmm
Hokey Smokes, AK, I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it w/ my own eyes.
Not to mention all those fish-eyes.
This thread had had me thinking fish for dinner. But no longer.
How would you go about photoshopping a battered VDH? White or whole wheat flour? Free range eggs or factory farmed?
B. Bouffant, I live to serve.
Now, between the soul food lecture I attended, and this thread, I think I must go to Popeyes.
FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
I’d like to be Beer-Battered
Don’t forget to remove the brew from the bottle before battering. Certain households leave it in the bottle while battering, & that never works out well.
BatterD’OH! I was referring to a comment in the previous thread (followed up by tig at 22:02).MB yes, them little staring eyes do nothing for me either, not to mention that one eats the Gastro-intestinal tract and all. However if sacrafices most be made for the good of western civilisation, and that, I’m your fritter
that Korean nut, Putin
Putin’s Korean? That explains a lot.
Sheesh, Bouffant. You aint nebber heerd o white bait? The only thing odd to me in that pic is they’re all fried in one big mass. I’ve never had white bait that wasn’t each little fishy separate from t’others. Like this.
Mmmmm, white bait. Used to catch and eat ’em by teh hunnerts on family vacations in the UP.
‘And another thing Mr. Chu
…just because you make really nice shoes doesn’t mean you know the first thing about energy policy,’
Shorter VDH: a feminazi, a negro, and a chinaman walk into a cabinet meeting…
RB must be doing something worthwhile as I have yet to see a real recipe for Battered American.
We demand our recipe! It’s our god given right god fucking damnit. Those uber-powerful sneering shop girls are to blame, I’m sure of it.
I’ve always found it best to use a beer batter on americans, plain batter just doesn’t quite get rid of that depleted-uranium aftertaste.
Snort.
You know, this sort of thing loses its power when you can ask “Do you think the world would be a better place if Team Bush had died in a trained-weasel attack moments after inauguration?”
What is it with right wing asshole pundits and quoting made-up people?
Then, of course, there are the poor, battered Bushies. Unemployed, and looking likely to stay that way.
At least Gonzo has company now.
Some things are best with schadenfreude sauce.
Just think what they’d have to say if they quoted actual people.
My attorneys will be in touch.
Jeebers man have you ever tried to train weasels? If they had taken over, the world would be a much better place. Especially if they rode bicycles and such.
Did I not fucking say “beer battered”?
“You rang?”
the world would be a better place if Team Bush had died in a trained-weasel attack moments after inauguration
I would have preferred TEH FUCHING FERRETS.
Sorry, but here in the Pacific Time Zone we generally fish for trout & salmon. As I’m sure you’ll eventually discover in Portland.
Did you catch the little suckers w/ a net or something?
Peej. Is that Whitebait? They look about sardine size. Our whitebait are about 3-4 inches long and about as thick as a match.
Yes they look like intestinal worms. We are simple folks down here.
That is one of the least necessary sentences ever.
It occurs to me that America’s 28%-ers are just now really starting to understand that they are out of power and those which beat them are actually governing and fully intending to do so further.
I think they somehow thought it would all just go away, or that Obama would resign within days because a bunch of wingnuts said mean things about him and liberals.
They’re really now just starting to get it: they are not in power any more.
There are not many left, but those that are seem to sound alike.
VDH’s next column will be inspired by the similar appearances of a number of people he met while wandering around a mirror maze.
Jeopardy contestants miss oddly-worded clue = END OF AMERICAN CIVILIZATION
In completely OT news, Frederik Pohl has started blogging.
You guys do realize there’s a reason it’s called “bait” rather than “food”, don’t you?
In the US – as far as I know – whitebait means any baby edible fishies. The pic I linked was smelt, which, as I said, I’ve eaten and enjoyed. Yes, when I was a kid and the smelt were “running” we simply scooped them up from a knee-deep stream with nets. At night, always at night.
Ahh, the wiki informs me that in Europe whitebait generally means herring. Interestingly, the first section is about whitebait in some place called New Zealand. Where the fuck is Zealand, anyway?
Also, I’ve been salmon fishing. In Michigan for the Coho. In Nevada for the steelhead trout (damn close to salmon) and I’ve pulled both King and Chinook salmon out of the Columbia. Mmmmm, salmon.
Tonight, I will dream of Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and W himself being savaged by weasels and ferrets and perhaps, just for good measure, wolverines eating Antonin Scalia’s face. Gentlemen, I owe you a debt of gratitude.
sweet dreams!
El Cid: I’ve seen this lately as well. Today at brunch, as a friend and I exchanged significant glances across the table, a woman whose daughter works for a nonprofit that focuses on “abstinence only” “education” bemoaned Obama’s election as a harbinger of drying-up grant $$ for said work. Yessssss! Also, looks like my state’s share of stimulus $$ may mean that our university won’t be facing $75-$100 million in budget cuts after all. Great news for many folks I know who were/still are afraid of imminent layoff. It’s making our Rethug Senators and Congresscritters, all of whom voted against the bill, look like the fuck-faced obstructionist jackholes that they are. HAHA! So let’s have another cup of coffee and let’s have another piece o’ pie.
Woopsy! That was me.
Actually around here in Georgia a bunch of my white male conservative friends and colleagues are convincing themselves that since Obama-Pelosi are about to give all their hard-earned money away to black lazies and mortgage welchers, they’s about ta be a pop-liss revolt!
I almost want to encourage them so that the a**-kicking they receive from all the rest of America shuts ’em up a good while.
Holy shit! I didn’t know he was still alive! I just kind of assumed the opposite on account of his being so fucking old and all, y’know?
Thanks, SC.
Ahhh, good old FP. His description of 17 days of Fox News is worth a read. excerpt:
Herr Doktor Smut, not off topic at all, as I have seen a “Frederik Pohl” (perhaps a relative, or maybe he just sent them a good answer) credited as a researcher/writer on “Jeopardy,” mentioned directly above you there.
This is just the sort of information I need, ’cause I seldom search for new blogs by people I keep thinking are ex-people. But no, ninety in November. Hope he makes it.
George Bush shopping at Walmart. Also, he’s “lookin’ for a job”.
He’s not qualified to be a store greeter, but maybe he can fill in on one of those gate crasher sale days where zombies stampede over the staff to get to the cheapest shit.
Awreet, PeeJ revealed to be as unknowing as I about Pohl’s continued existence. I don’t feel so dense now, FP being pretty much my fave in the skiffy biz, besides Cordwainer Smith.
(How old am I, anyway? Jeez!)
the a**-kicking they receive from all the rest of America shuts ‘em up a good while.
There will not be a mere ass-kicking this time. They will be bulldozed (It will be immortalized as “Caterpillar’s March to the Sea.”) into the Caribbean & Gulf of Mexico, where they will be set adrift on their pool air-mattresses, & given every opportunity to swim for Mexico or Cuba.
As one who is approaching “fucking old”, I’m offended by whippersnapper PeeJ’s remark.
Personally, I hope to live to be 135. I want to milk that guaranteed indexed lifetime pension for all it’s worth.
Actually around here in Georgia a bunch of my white male conservative friends and colleagues are convincing themselves that since Obama-Pelosi are about to give all their hard-earned money away to black lazies and mortgage welchers, they’s about ta be a pop-liss revolt!
The schadenfreudiest thing ever is the cognitive dissonance: Okay wait now, Bay-rack Obomber is a nigra SOCIALIST! … but there’s that money and maybe we won’t be losin’ our jobs, and … but … he SHOULDN’T BE TAKIN’ THAT MONEY! It’s got “strings attached,” and stuff! But … house … car … school fer the young uns … food … aaa oww my haid
I suspect that the critical thing for a lot of conservatives and ex-conservatives is going to be the Republicans’ continued insincerity in throwing Bush under the bus. Deep down, they still seem to believe that Bush’s only failure was being disliked by DFHs – whereas the vast majority of the public saw his policies slashing regulations for the sake of slashing regulations, producing a grim tide of dirty and dangerous foreign and domestic goods and the credit institutions that form so intimate a part of their day-to-day lives shifting and crumbling under their feet.
The dead-enders might be able to convince themselves it’s Obama’s fault the FDA didn’t have the resources to test spinach for e coli, the CRA caused everything wrong with the economy ever, and Katrina was a roaring success, but that’s why they’re dead-enders – they believe what they do not because of what they observe but because the Party tells them to. And the Party’s efforts aside, there’s just no fucking defending the Bush ideology right now.
Good news about Mr. Polk, alright.
In Nevada for the steelhead trout (damn close to salmon)…
IIRC same species as Rainbow trout in the East, difference being that steelhead are anadromous and rainbows aren’t.
It depresses me that the only fish I’ve ever caught are rainbow trout, which were introduced to Lake Mead deliberately after we completely destroyed the Colorado’s native scum-and-mud-based ecosystem.
It depresses me that the only fish I’ve ever caught are rainbow trout, which were introduced to Lake Mead deliberately after we completely destroyed the Colorado’s native scum-and-mud-based ecosystem.
Good eatin’, though!
Mmmmm, white bait. Used to catch and eat ‘em by teh hunnerts on family vacations in the UP.
Peej, I laughed out loud, no lie. Here in the Boston area, the little herring-oid baitfish are called “alewives”. In the best all-American irony-free tradition, the railway terminus now standing atop the wetland where the alewife once shoaled in their millions is, of course, Alewife Station. When we first moved out here 20 years ago, the Boston tourist bureau sold actual alewifes that had been plasticizined & turned into novelty pens, letter-openers, and even jewelry. I offered to send a boxful back to my Michigander inlaws in the Grand Traverse Bay area, just to see the horrified expressions as their native politeness warred with their fear that I might NOT be kidding.
IIRC same species as Rainbow trout in the East, difference being that steelhead are anadromous and rainbows aren’t.
My understanding as well but also the Steelhead have adapted to living in salt water. Haven’t studied taxonomy in over thirty years but IIRC that would make them conspecific but of two varieties.
Anne Laurie, that’s teh funnay. I can see them cringing. Michiganders do that sort of thing.
Geert Wilders and the ‘Koran Ban’
By Andrew G. Bostom
Dutch Parliamentarian Geert Wilders will be in the United States this week, arriving direct from Italy where he received the Oriana Fallaci Free Speech Award.
During his acceptance speech, Wilders implored the audience in Rome to protect our most fundamental Western freedom, freedom of speech. Wilders expressed this commitment-contra the willful media distortions of his views-in this pellucid formulation:
That is why I propose the withdrawal of all hate speech legislation in Europe. I propose a European First Amendment. Freedom of speech is the keystone of our Western civilization, it is the keystone of our democracies and the keystone of our freedom. That is why freedom of speech should be extended instead of restricted. Salman Rushdie’s ‘The Satanic Verses’, Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s and Theo van Gogh’s film ‘Submission’, Kurt Westergaard’s cartoons and my documentary ‘Fitna’ should never be banned, but should be protected. As George Orwell once said: “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear”.
Earlier, while calling the Koran hate speech with specific reference to the Dutch Penal Code, Wilders was simply asking for consistent application of the Dutch law. And, like Winston Churchill (who wrote that Mein Kampf was “…the new Koran of faith and war: turgid, verbose, shapeless, but pregnant with its message”), Wilders compared the Koran to Mein Kampf, and called it hate speech according to the Dutch Penal Code.
Wilders’ demand for consistency, recalls the Calcutta Quran Petition of the 1980s. Like his Hindu predecessors, Wilders was fed up with Muslim abuse of similar Indian laws, and simply saying if one bans hate speech, in accord with existing Dutch Law, then the Koran is hate speech. The Calcutta Quran Petition chronicled how it was the abuse of hate speech laws by Muslims seeking to impose Sharia mandates on non-Muslim majorities that was the source of the problem.
As described in the Calcutta Quran Petition, two Hindus were arrested — under Indian penal code sections exploited by Muslims to prevent public criticism of Muhammad or other aspects of their creed — for publishing a poster which simply cited 24 Koranic verses (see them below*), with a caption, “Why riots take place in this country.” In this landmark case, the Hindus were eventually acquitted by a sober magistrate who opined,
…a close perusal of the Ayats [verses] shows that that the same are harmful and teach hatred, and are likely to create differences between Mohammedans on one hand and the remaining communities on the other.
Geert Wilders is opposed to all hate speech laws, as he stated explicitly on February 19, 2009 in Rome, and previously, here: “Everything should be possible except to issue calls for violence.” It is well past time for the media-across the political spectrum-to stop their grotesque mischaracterization of Wilders’ unequivocal defense of free speech. But demonizing Wilders, and imposing de facto limitations on his free speech criticism of Islam-not matter how reasonable his concerns may be-is a task for which our craven, lemming-like media elites are far better suited.
* USC-Muslim Student Association Compendium of Muslim Texts, Pickthall Translation
(9:5) Then, when the sacred months have passed, slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take them (captive), and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush. But if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then leave their way free. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.;
(9:28) O ye who believe! The idolaters only are unclean. So let them not come near the Inviolable Place of Worship after this their year. If ye fear poverty (from the loss of their merchandise) Allah shall preserve you of His bounty if He will. Lo! Allah is Knower, Wise.;
(4:101) And when ye go forth in the land, it is no sin for you to curtail (your) worship if ye fear that those who disbelieve may attack you. In truth the disbelievers are an open enemy to you.;
(9:123) O ye who believe! Fight those of the disbelievers who are near to you, and let them find harshness in you, and know that Allah is with those who keep their duty (unto Him).;
(4:56) Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. Lo! Allah is ever Mighty, Wise.;
(9:23) O ye who believe! Choose not your fathers nor your brethren for friends if they take pleasure in disbelief rather than faith. Whoso of you taketh them for friends, such are wrong-doers.;
(9:37) Postponement (of a sacred month) is only an excess of disbelief whereby those who disbelieve are misled; they allow it one year and forbid it (another) year, that they may make up the number of the months which Allah hath hallowed, so that they allow that which Allah hath forbidden. The evil of their deeds is made fairseeming unto them. Allah guideth not the disbelieving folk;
(5:57) O Ye who believe! Choose not for guardians such of those who received the Scripture before you, and of the disbelievers, as make a jest and sport of your religion. But keep your duty to Allah if ye are true believers.;
(33:61) Accursed, they will be seized wherever found and slain with a (fierce) slaughter.;
(21:98) Lo! ye (idolaters) and that which ye worship beside Allah are fuel of hell. Thereunto ye will come.;
(32:22) And who doth greater wrong than he who is reminded of the revelations of his Lord, then turneth from them. Lo! We shall requite the guilty.;
(48:20) Allah promiseth you much booty that ye will capture, and hath given you this in advance, and hath withheld men’s hands from you, that it may be a token for the believers, and that He may guide you on a right path.;
(8:69) Now enjoy what ye have won [in war], as lawful and good, and keep your duty to Allah. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.;
(66:9) O Prophet! Strive against the disbelievers and the hypocrites, and be stern with them. Hell will be their home, a hapless journey’s end.;
(41:27) But verily We shall cause those who disbelieve to taste an awful doom, and verily We shall requite them the worst of what they used to do.;
(41:28) That is the reward of Allah’s enemies: the Fire. Therein is their immortal home, payment forasmuch as they denied Our revelations.;
(9:111) Lo! Allah hath bought from the believers their lives and their wealth because the Garden will be theirs: they shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain. It is a promise which is binding on Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur’an. Who fulfilleth His covenant better than Allah? Rejoice then in your bargain that ye have made, for that is the supreme triumph.;
(9:68) Allah promiseth the hypocrites, both men and women, and the disbelievers fire of hell for their abode. It will suffice them. Allah curseth them, and theirs is lasting torment.;
(8:65) O Prophet! Exhort the believers to fight. If there be of you twenty steadfast they shall overcome two hundred, and if there be of you a hundred (steadfast) they shall overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they (the disbelievers) are a folk without intelligence.;
(5:51) O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who taketh them for friends is (one) of them. Lo! Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk.;
(9:29) Fight against such of those who have been given the Scripture as believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, and forbid not that which Allah hath forbidden by His messenger, and follow not the Religion of Truth, until they pay the tribute readily, being brought low.;
(5:14) And with those who say: “Lo! we are Christians,” We made a covenant, but they forgot a part of that whereof they were admonished. Therefore We have stirred up enmity and hatred among them till the Day of Resurrection, when Allah will inform them of their handiwork.;
(4:89) They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them;
(9:14) Fight them! Allah will chastise them at your hands, and He will lay them low and give you victory over them, and He will heal the breasts of folk who are believers.”
WTF is that Jeopardy spewl about, Rusty? The guy is confused because the people on the teevee can’t hear him, so he rings his Gran who probably thinks he should go outside occasionally?
Nabisco should start putting laxatives in their products so that the consumers have to get off the couch now and then.
I’ve wondering what the fuck Victorus Maximus Decimus Ex Libras wa going on about in terms of Pelosi’s mouse so I went to the power of the great google and lawks! these guys say that it ain’t true.
This is backed up by Huffington Post and Taylor Marsh.
Weird huh?
I expect the voice of conservative intellectualism will issue an apology or admission of wrong speaking?
You may think it’s funny, but you try walking through the mall covered in batter and see what kind of response you get!
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I keep hearing all these promising suggestions about Mickey Kaus and I’d like to take this time to voice my complaint that he hasn’t been by my place yet. Not once.
Haven’t studied taxonomy in over thirty years but IIRC that would make them conspecific but of two varieties.
With use of the term “conspecific” you’ve left me in the dust, biology-wise. Even “anadromous” was a stretch for me!
WTF is that Jeopardy spewl about, Rusty? The guy is confused because the people on the teevee can’t hear him, so he rings his Gran who probably thinks he should go outside occasionally?
Pretty much. That and public schools indoctrination liberal communism blah blah blah
I’ve wondering what the fuck Victorus Maximus Decimus Ex Libras wa going on about in terms of Pelosi’s mouse so I went to the power of the great google and lawks! these guys say that it ain’t true.
So the righties are yapping that $30 million for wetlands restoration is ridiculous? Maybe they should talk to the residents of New Orleans.
How many libs on here think someone should be thrown in prison for “hate speech” for saying the Koran should be banned?
The Clap must be the world’s worst “gentleman farmer.” I can imagine him standing in his dust-blown fields, watching as more rocks & sand are revealed each moment, w/ his shotgun cradled in his arms, screaming at the migrant workers returning to Mexico. Not sure whether he’ll be screaming at them to come work for him for board & room, or screaming at them to “git along,” but it’ll be funny either way.
who would tax up to several percentage points more of our hard-inherited wealth
If you knew my family, you wouldn’t talk in that airy, what-the-heck kind of way. The competition was cuthroat, and it was neck-and-neck til I managed to sneak in one night with a pen and a hypo full of morphine.
And my sister thought she could outsmart me by nursing my Mom through the last eight years of her illness. I showed that faker!
You know, something sad just occurred to me.
VDH actually thinks he invented something really clever. And not just in the usual ‘man, I’m a brilliant conservative intellectual, just look at what I wrote this morning’ sense.
He thinks it’s so great it’s going to catch on like ‘ugly American’ did. I imagine him sitting on the toilet, angered again at that impudent phrase’s continued use, unable to piss until he came up with an alternative. First, third, and fifth it was ‘the silent majority’ (with the third time technically being ‘majori-me’, but Lord knows that’s as close as makes no difference). Second, I imagine, was ‘the henpecked Amis’, but that just seemed to encourage having sex with the French, and we must never forget their betrayal of the West to Baathism in Algeria and Vietnam. And then, fourth, ‘beaten white and blue’, which was also sixth, but in passing he realized it was a little much even for him.
Then after leaving a message on his nephew’s machine demanding to know why he hadn’t beaten his dyke wife into shape yet, he realized. Eureka!, he said, his junk flapping in the breeze through the conservative academe’s customary êchappes réversées like a modern-day Socrates. (Archimedes wasn’t in the habit of constantly fucking supple young Athenian boys.) The Battered American!
The movie will happen whenever they finally get through to Liefield.
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Also, the hilarious thing about Hanson is (per the Exile) that, in spite of owing everything he has to the state, he fancies himself an anarcho-ruralist. Really! He has a fucking vineyard and everything!
Good lord, what can one even say about this jagoff?
Gary Condit may well be cleared of the Chandra Levy murder – that would be intensely disappointing, but it’s possible.
Gee, I don’t know too much about this, but that has “actionable” written all over it. When was Condit charged with the Levy murder?
He thinks it’s so great it’s going to catch on like ‘ugly American’ did
Maybe., As you no doubt know, the “Ugly American” was the frickin hero of the book of the same name. The “pretty Americans” were the villians. I hope it catches on just like that.
‘the henpecked Amis’
Is that Kingsley or Martin?
Unfortunately, I don’t actually remember a time in my lifetime when the media practice of coming to conclusions about ongoing cases independent of the authorities or even the available facts was seriously questioned. I was born after they found out Reagan was dying on the outside as well as the inside, mind you, so that might not be saying a lot.
It just seems like every possible thing that could be thrown out to distract from the seriously unsexy story of the Democrats meekly debating the merits of an underwhelming stimulus bill with imaginary bipartisan Republicans, and in the stories they basically act true to form. My favorites are CNBC’s McCain boosters acting like deficit spending and tyranny are suddenly intolerable and Glenn Beck’s worthless Mormon-convert ass inviting slobbery warbloggers on Faux to discuss the US military somehow joining the ongoing RAHOWA.
I heap a lot of scorn on blogging as a practice, but at some points I have to imagine even Pajamas would be preferable to the news-cycle we have.
In completely OT news, Frederik Pohl has started blogging.
This discovery has made my day. 89 years old, and blogging. So awesome.
I guess it’s as good as time as any to mention that reportedly Joe Scarborough is still considered to be cleared of the mysterious death of Lori Klausutis, who was said by a medical examiner (known for fraud in autopsies) to have died by somehow falling backward into the side of a desk when working in Scarborough’s office hard enough to split her head open, and no one should have wasted time on those rumors of an affair.
working in Scarborough’s office hard enough to split her head open
Perhaps I am over-compensating, but this is why I avoid over-work.
You know, this sort of thing loses its power when you can ask “Do you think the world would be a better place if Team Bush had died in a trained-weasel attack moments after inauguration?”
Righteous Bubba is god. That’s all.
No, dammit, that’s not all. Fred Pohl is god too.
And I get a huge, recurrent kick out of the fact that these conservatoids are whining piteously about that nasty Obama government. Have they no shame? Have they no brains? Have they no eyes? And it’s like a coupla weeks into the Oh-bama reign, and already he’s responsible for Halley’s comet and the fall of Alexandria. Not to mention scurvy, scrofula, and scabies.
Whew. Wingnuts – the gift that keeps on givin’.
To be fair, I just came down with shingles and had to listen to Hanson Vandal-izing my proud language. Surely Obama has done enough already.
Heh. The next four years are going to be amusing; if the Clap is any indication, I figure the Waaaahmbulance is going to be working overtime in Wingnutboro with all of those Butthurt types.
What? You say I mispronounce ‘Battered’? Naaah, that can’t be it…
“I am willing to provide VDH with quotes in my role as Mr New Zealander with Bechamel Sauce, but only if there is no feckin’ cilantro involved.”
Well, Mr. Smarty-pants New Zealander (assuming that’s your real name, which I doubt), you just lost my fucking vote. I’ll see you in Mexican-food hell!
(puff, puff, puff…) I ran here as fast as I could. Battered Americans? Am I too late to post that pic of Assrocket with a corn-dog?!
The next four years are going to be amusing.Whew. Wingnuts – the gift that keeps on givin’.