The Mating Habits and Rituals of Wingnuts
It’s September, and that means WorldNetDaily’s Whistleblower Magazine has just published its annual “sex issue!” The theme of this year’s edition seems to be that most people never think about sex (or even know what sex is) until they reach college, where they’re forced to take golden showers from their professors while copulating with gay potted plants.
Here’s WorldNetDaily’s EXCLUSIVE summary:
BRAINWASHING 101: Indoctrination and sexual corruption on America’s college campuses
Fall registration, the first day of class, and another crop of America’s high school graduates have left home and hearth to attend college in the hope it will prepare them for life and career.
But instead, they’ll just be having lots of sex. The poor souls.
But from Harvard to UCLA and thousands of colleges and universities in between, what awaits them is non-stop leftist indoctrination, pervasive sexual anarchy and ? if they’re not careful ? loss of their values and innocence.
“And even if they are careful, they could still turn into dweebs like Ben Shapiro, so they’re probably better off taking that potted plant with them into the shower and…”
What many parents have suspected and feared has been documented first-hand in the latest edition of WND’s famed Whistleblower magazine, in a stunning edition titled “BRAINWASHING 101: Indoctrination and sexual corruption on America’s college campuses.”
It takes a lot to gross me out, but the thought of Joseph Farah documenting the sex corruption of college students “first-hand” is more than enough to do the trick.
“Hey there, li’l lady! Why donchu come back to my place and let this mustache freak u!”
“In true Whistleblower fashion,” said Managing Editor David Kupelian, “we decided to tell this incredible story in the most compelling, ‘insider’ way possible ? by letting college students themselves expose what really goes on in the closed society of the college campus.”
Uh-oh. I hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to get yet another lecture on the evils of sex from…
Young people featured in this issue include Ben Shapiro…
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
…Abby Nye (a student at Butler University and author of “Fish Out of Water: Surviving and Thriving as a Christian on a Secular Campus”) and Hans Zeiger (author of “Get Off My Honor: The Assault on the Boy Scouts of America” and a student at Hillsdale College).
Ah yes, Hans Zeiger, the hottest young Eagle Scout virgin on the planet. Here’s an excerpt from Hans’ finest columnm, called “Bumping, grinding and freak dancing”:
The contemporary lexicon of dirty dancing includes such terms as freaking, slamming, moshing, spanking, humping, bumping, undressing, grinding, and so on. Dancing fascinates cultural anthropologists because it seems that dancing is an almost universal expression of love without actually lovemaking. But for American high school and college students in 2004, dancing has become nothing short of group sex.
So as you can see, WorldNetDaily spared no expense in finding only the hippest, trendiest young folk to write about sex.
OK, let’s get back to the summary:
Meanwhile, the “older generation” ? in the persons of WorldNetDaily Editor Joseph Farah and Managing Editor David Kupelian, plus Jim Nelson Black, public policy analyst and author of “Freefall of the American University” ? round out Whistleblower’s look at the unrelentingly subversive agenda that dominates most American colleges today.
OK, so the older guys like Farah aren’t researching sex “first-hand,” they’re just sitting back and watching (and likely videotaping). I still feel dirty.
Together, this month’s team of whistleblowers prove conclusively that, while sky-high tuition costs have more than doubled since the 1980s, the level of sexual corruption, anti-Americanism and radical political and cultural indoctrination at America’s colleges has increased even more.
Yes, this team of whistleblowers, who all happen to be writers for WorldNetDaily, prove that colleges are forcing young people to have sex against their wills.
“Very simply, if you have a child in college or who may soon be headed toward college, you owe it to yourself ? and to your child ? to read this issue of Whistleblower,” said Kupelian.
And very simply, if you’re a teenager going to college and you find this issue of Whistleblower in your mail box, you owe it to yourself- and your younger siblings- to set it on fire.
Highlights of “BRAINWASHING 101” include:
-“What are we teaching, anyway?” by Joseph Farah, demonstrating the persecution on campus of believing Christians for attempting to stand up for traditional morality.
Yes, Christians on college campuses are routinely strapped down to foutons and flip-and-fucks and made to drink months-old bong water.
-“Sex in the classroom” by Ben Shapiro ? a mind-boggling first-hand account of sexual anarchy on the typical campus. As Shapiro summarizes: “Homosexuality is perfectly normal. Pedophilia is acceptable. Bestiality is fine.”
I’d always kinda figured Ben had a thing for animals. Really, it’s not surpr… oh, he means that professors are teaching people that “beastiality is fine!” Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t think I’ve ever taken a course in furry studies, so I have no idea what Ben is talking about.
“How Western culture has been turned upside down” by David Kupelian, showing what’s really behind multiculturalism and political correctness…
“Could it be, mmmmmmmm… SATAN???”
“Hindsight: Advice to other Christian students at secular colleges” by Abby Nye.
I bet I can summarize her article in one sentence: “Don’t socialize with anyone who’s not a member of Campus Crusade for Christ.”
“This is one of those issues that you just can’t put down,” said Farah.
“And Ben Shapiro’s essay on beastiality will give you stroke material for months!”
So, by the sound of this, all you need to know about the evils of every college in the United States can be extracted from three dirty old men and a handful of self-cloistered students (one of whom seems to believe, quite sincerely, that students in co-ed dorms walk around naked and have casual sex in the halls)? I bet that’ll be an eye-opener.
Personally, I’ve never seen the mandatory coupling seminars or roving grope squads (or even the hook-up parties every college conservative has heard of but never actually attended), and I’ve never heard a professor say that pedophilia or bestiality are OK (and my guess is that Ben hasn’t either: dollars to donuts says that he drops that quote and immediately moves on without explaining). I bet if I rounded up a few of my friends at other colleges, they’d say the same thing. We could be an anti-Farah squad . . .
I see only two alternatives for these people: extensive homeschooling, and admission to Bob Jones U (sure, it’s not accredited, but it’s righteous and conservative! That’s what matters!).
I’d like to know where all this “rampant sex” is coming from because I’ve been in college for about three weeks now and it’s been study, study, study. I must be missing out somehow. Plus, I don’t think I’ve heard professors state in the middle of a lecture that pedophilia and beastiality are okay.
How does Ben Shapiro function again?
Good to see they’re blowing the cover off that hotbed of sexual anarchy known as Hillsdale College.
I remember when MY professors started with that.
then they realized I was a Unitarian, nothing they could teach me, so we went on with class.
Unlike wor(l)dnet.
MikeS.
“I don’t think I’ve heard professors state in the middle of a lecture that pedophilia and beastiality are okay.”
it’s in the Biology 101 book, right after the “evolution” chapter.
Wow. That takes me back. I fondly remember my first experience with a gay potted plant. It was a ficus.
I fondly remember my first experience with a gay potted plant.
I was more of a sporophile and was thus into ferns.
Again with the bestiality.
I’m getting a chastity belt for my dog.
Quick, hide this magazine from your teenagers and never EVER let them read it!!! Because if they DO…
…real college life is going to be one hell of a disappointment.
A word of friendly advice to those thinking of experimenting with floraphilia – steer well clear of pineapples.
The ironic thing here is that there *are* organized brainwashing groups active on college campuses: the WWP, the LaRouchies and various evangelical Christian groups being notable ones.
Pedophilia is acceptable. Bestiality is fine.
Someone was only half paying attention in sociology class…
Is Armstrong Williams on the list of authors? (Sorry, I can’t actually bear to look myself.) After all, s.z. exposed (ha!) him at WOC when he wrote a column about police officers and pizza delivery guys being accosted by bored housewives. Then he asked his readers to send him examples that they knew of or had experienced. Maybe he passed along some of those Williams’ Forum letters to Farah?
Like VBen’s book, this sounds a lot like wishful thinking on the part of the authors…
Heh heh…
“WhistleBLOWER”.
man these people are delusional… I wonder if I should write an article about being a persecuted secularist on a christian campus… and how much drinking and sex go on here.
It’s obviously a plot by conservative christians to destroy youth and America by forcing them to have sex and do drugs!
See! I can write for WND too!
Get thee to a nunnery, Benji!
What’re the roots of multiculturalism?
Maybe it’s the fact that we live in fucking America which has only been part of the “traditional west” for about 200 and it’s full of people who also have NON-PROTESTANT value systems what go a lot farther back the your WASP upbringing and we are SICK and TIRED of you Johnny-come-latelies SHITTING ALL OVER US ALL THE FUCKING TIME and so we’ve banded together to make sure that people understand that sometimes WE HAVE GOOD IDEAS YOU NEARSIGHTED FUCKHEADS.
That’s just my theory though.
Oh, and incidentally, dancing in Native American cultures tends to take on an explicitly ritual, non-sexual character, sometimes including chaperones to make sure no young dancers snuck off to have sex and defile the ritual.
So, in point of fact, dancing has not been an expression of sexuality in all cultures.
Heh Heh Heh,
Thinkin’ ’bout changin’ ma name to Whistle and goin’ over to WND and askin’ fer a ‘job!
Yeah with all the colossal fuckups blowing up all over the place, fucking is what we should be focusing on right now. I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes about a gov’t official who was legislating against homosexuals.
“His position is understandable, how can he focus on the pressing matters of state with the constant sound of butt-fucking ringing in his ears”
Is it just me or do these “hip” “ulta-cool” young columnists sound like bitter losers that were not invited the the party all the cool kids go to so they go home and whine on their livejournal.
Brad, I’m truly shocked. Ferns are extremely ancient plants. That’s like–ergh, I can hardly stand to say it–fucking someone’s great-great-great-great grandfather.
Good Lord. Have you no sense of decency, sir? Next you’ll be telling us that you were really in love with that little thallus, so it makes it perfectly all right.
Pervert.
That said, I’m looking for a t-shirt for your birthday that says “Ferns Do It Where It’s Wet”.
That said, I’m looking for a t-shirt for your birthday that says “Ferns Do It Where It’s Wet”.
Hee-hee it’s funny cuz it’s true đŸ™‚
Only one way to master a semester of Differential Equations, Organic Chemistry, and English Lit … yes, you’ve guessed it: only by fucking animals can you earn a degree in the sciences.
Recently I saw a rerun of CSPAN’s Booknotes with Tom Wolfe promoting I am Charlotte Simmons. He told this story that he reported as true but I could smell the bullshit coming through the TV. It seems a daughter was taking he father on a tour of the campus and showed him the co-ed shower room. It was the kind of shower room we’re familiar from highschool gym class with just a wall with shower heads sticking out of it. She explained that if you take the one nearest the wall the steam makes a kind of screen for privacy. I don’t care how progressive your college is, no college is going to risk lawsuits resulting from harrassment or assault.
rat terrier: Was that an option? Because if so, I studied _way_ too hard in Analog Electronics.
Do you get your choice of animal, or do you have to choose from a list, like GE courses?
I went to the wrong fucking schools.
Sexual anarchy? I’m not sure what that means.
Sexual anarchy? I’m not sure what that means.
I’d guess it means no one’s on top.
I finished college a virgin*! I want my parents’ $120,000 back!
*Well, not quite, but she wasn’t a fellow student and I met her most of the way through my junior year
Er, senior year
“dancing has become nothing short of group sex.”
So I guess that when I danced with you and all my friends to that OutKast song at my wedding, we were actually all having group sex, in front of my new husband, parents, grandparents, the priest, and everyone? Wow.
Sadly, No!
You are sad indeed. Pathetic.
oooh did the truth ruffle a few feathers here? Lord have mercy, am I the only father who wants the best for his daughters?
“oooh did the truth ruffle a few feathers here?”
There wasn’t any truth to begin with, so… no?
” Lord have mercy, am I the only father who wants the best for his daughters? ”
The best for your daughters would be to submit to my vile lusts
as prescribed!