Renew America… Fuck Yeah!

I’ve only been away for three days, but in that time, Renew America posted a ton of extra-kooky columns. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, so let’s start with R.A.’s hottest new columnist, Tom Kovach!

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Since Tom’s the new kid on the block, he’s trying extra hard to show that he belongs in the same class as wingnut heavyweights like Kaye Grogan and Justin Darr. And to prove his worthiness, he’s written this super-zany column about the minimum wage:

Minimum wage: “new deal” vs. “square deal”

Tom Kovach
August 30, 2005

The political Left is at it again. There are new rumblings ? mostly from Democrats, with their Socialist allies ? about raising the minimum wage. They claim that American workers are “economically oppressed,” and need relief from those greedy capitalists. You know, the ones that pay the taxes that the Left likes to spend on midnight basketball, and other “strategies.”)

Ah yes. We all know how crushing the tax burden on the rich has become. (Seriously, hiding your money in overseas shelters is hard work!)

When I was in the military, I heard a story that helped to broaden my perspective. A friend that had been stationed in England explained why people in some other countries downplay the American viewpoint.

Because we’re loud and obnoxious and we like to tell people how much better we are?

He said that, in America, if a building lasts for fifty years, people hold a big ceremony and erect a historical marker. By contrast, in England, people drink beer every night in pubs that are five hundred years old, and they think it’s quite normal. I used a similar viewpoint in a previous column, when I explained that most Americans don’t remember how many days our hostages were held during the Tehran embassy crisis. Unfortunately, it seems that many Americans have rather short memories. And, it is this failure to grasp our own history that enables the Left to twist the facts to suit their own tyrannical purposes.

So basically, the Left is planning to take over the world by tearing down old, abandoned buildings. I don’t mean to question the wisdom of my fellow comrades, but isn’t there a better way to gain power? Insurrections, coups, and subversion would probably be far more effective than tearing down a crappy old hotel that’s only being preserved because Glenn Miller and his band once took a shit there (yes, I stole that joke from Heathers, no I don’t care).

Most Americans have been taught that President Franklin D. Roosevelt (FDR) “saved” America by getting us out of the Great Depression of the 1930s. And, we’ve been taught that he did this via the big-spending, big-government programs of his Leftist political agenda: the “New Deal.” But, the reality is that the New Deal was designed to help destroy America by turning its economy into one resembling a Communist country. And, FDR’s goal has largely been reached.

Yes, the government has taken control of all major industries and is making production decisions based on a series of five-year plans. Meanwhile, the American people are being made to stand in bread lines and are haviing their toiletries and nylons strictly rationed. Worst of all, the government has placed tight caps on the amount of rubber cement citizens can buy, forcing Kaye Grogan to turn tricks on the black market to get her fix.

(This is a difficult thing for a patriotic American to write; but, it’s true.)

And it’s an even more difficult thing for anyone with a basic understanding of economics to read.

A communist economy is one in which the government controls the means of production and distribution. The primary means of controlling production is taxes, plus minimum-wage laws. The primary means of controlling distribution is regulation, such as the FDA, EPA, SEC, etc.

Because there’s nothing more American than polluting the environment or letting children die from taking unregulated, experimental drugs.

Our next columnist is… the, “aforementioned” Kaye Grogan:

Voter fraud is certainly nothing new, but stopping the abuse in its tracks can go a long way in helping to clean up fraudulent behavior at the voting polls.


In other words, the best way to stop voter fraud is by stopping voter fraud. That’s quite a thesis you got there, Kaye.

It seems somewhat archaic that a fail proof voting machine has evaded the modern high-tech industry.


I didn’t know it was possible for high-tech industry to be both modern and archaic, but that’s why I read Kaye’s columns- to learn the things that other pundits are too smart think of.

(And incidentally, can anyone think of any machine that’s fail proof?)

After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.

Nice agreement between the verb tenses in that sentence, Kaye.

When several computer scientists brought to the forefront that the Diebold Accuvote-TS voting machines made it easy to manipulate the votes by transferring votes to favorite candidates without a manipulation trail to indicate a surreptitious deed had occurred ? the machines were discontinued.

For some reason, that last sentence reminded me of an old blues song that never existed, and it goes something like this:

“The Manipulation Trail”
by Blind Johnny McBrad R.

Oh, you know my old lady,
She done me wrong
Caught her messin’ around
Where she don’t belong,

And I’m thinkin’ as I sit here,
As I cry and wail,
My woman done led me down
The manipulation trail.

OK, back to Kaye:

Can democracy as it is right now continue to survive in America? My guess is democracy went out the window a long time ago.

So democracy as it is right now can’t survive for long, even though it went out the window a long time ago.

Kaye, do you actually read these columns before publishing them?

Once we have cast our ballots-how much trust can we put in those who count the ballots? Probably about as much trust (in some), as you can in a bank robber deciding not to rob a bank after all.

OK, this is getting too stupid to make fun of, so let’s move on to Adam Graham, who was last seen commenting on one of our very own threads!

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Feigned love

Adam Graham
August 29, 2005

I was having a discussion on the issue of ex-gays recently.

Oh dear. I don’t like where this is going…

One man on Red State.org made this observation…

On second thought, let’s not review Adam’s piece. Certain things are so painfully idiotic that they’re liable to induce brain aneurysm. And while I normally don’t have a problem with giving my readers dilated blood vessels now and then, debates about ex-gay ministries at RedState.org are just beyond the pale. Seriously, they’re so stupid that reading about them will give your aneurysm irritable bowel syndrome, and that’s something I refuse to take responsibility for. So check out Adam’s article on your own if you want to, but we’re gonna move on to Ben Thompson, who’s written a column denouncing whatever moderate conservatives are left within the Republican Party:

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The republican party has so compromised away its founding principles that it has become lukewarm, as proven by the actions of its leaders, on many issues. Some still talk the talk, to keep their naive base happy, but they don’t walk the walk- actions speak louder than words.

What does the Lord say He will do with those who are “lukewarm” about true principles- “spew them out of His mouth.”

So if all you RINO’s out there don’t turn into raging wingnuts by the time you die, God will totally kick your ass.

Even though the 2008 election seems far away those of us who are truly concerned about the moral nose-dive that this country is in need seriously to consider supporting a third party or independent candidate.

Say, that sounds like a brilliant idea! Look at how well it turned out for all those Nader voters in 2000! Please, please encourage more wingnuts to write in a third party candidate, Ben!

 

Comments: 53

 
 
 

After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.

Not just verb tenses are wrong with that sentence. Class, who can tell me the other mistake Kaye made in this sentence?

I’ll give you a hint. It was not the voting problems themselves that spent the millions.

Don’t tell anyone, but I can’t actually remember the name of this error; I just know it’s wrong.

 
 

“It seems somewhat archaic that a fail proof voting machine has evaded the modern high-tech industry.”

No kaye, it’s more like rain on your wedding day.

 
 

That Kaye Grogan flag pic has an odd, decoupaged, Terry Gilliam animation look to it.

 
 

*raises hand* Teacher? When will these nutzoids stop pretending that the Left side of the political spectrum is a big boogeyman that’s out to get Republicans and conservatives, and actually start cooperating with other human beings to make the world a better place? (For that matter, are they even capable of it?)

 
 

Oh, Kaye. Voter fraud and Diebold? Not the first topic I’d expect from the Leopard Queen of the Wingnuts.

Luckily, she manages to “find” a way to salvage democracy for the oligarchs. First, of course, what seems to be setting her off is the resistance to photo IDs for voting, and to having papers at the ready, and poll taxes, etc.

But when she gets to Florida 2000, oh, heavens. It seems that the real victim of that debacle was, yes, George W. Bush.

The ones overseeing the voting fiasco in Florida, in the 2000 presidential election ? had to know how the “unfairness” of grabbing a bunch of half-punched, dimpled, hanging chad ballots scrutinizing them under magnifying glasses to try and decipher the intent of voters would generate hostility and animosity toward George W. Bush if he won the election. These people are the ones who set up the (whether it was intentional or not) voting discrepancies that produced the worst conducted presidential election in modern history, especially in the state of Florida.

Lesson: Stealing an election is not the source of hostility to GWB. The attempts to count the votes were.

 
 

After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.

Ack, a dangling modifier.

 
 

A communist economy is one in which the government controls the means of production and distribution. The primary means of controlling production is taxes, plus minimum-wage laws. The primary means of controlling distribution is regulation, such as the FDA, EPA, SEC, etc.

Someone flunked Econ- the primary means of controlling distribution and production in a Communist economy is **drumroll** owning all aspects of production and distribution from the farm to the grocer, from the factory to the furniture store.
Now… do we qualify for that? Hell no- and thank God, because it didn’t work… because Communism is a combination of a socialist economy with an authoritarian government.
We like one, but not the other.

Ya see,Tommy-boy, here in the US of A, we’ve got what normal people like to call a “mixed economy”- a mix of free market capitalism and socialism.
While I’d like to see that shift a bit more towards the “socialism” side, the system is quite effective and doesn’t screw the consumer as much as either extreme or “pure” economic system does/would.

 
 

Ah, Ben, Ben, surely you jest. Lincoln’s Republican party was anti-State’s Rights, anti-free trade(favoring protective tariffs, no level playing field crap for them), pro-labor(free labor versus slave, natch), pro-free-homesteads(“projects on the prairie?”), and pro-railroad(federal subsidies for public transportation, heavens). Teddy Roosevelt was a progressive and a massive reformer, an environmentalist and anti-capitalist who created welfare programs and began government regulation of industry. I can’t imagine how anyone can actually believe the Johnny-Come-Lately Reaganites are the “real” Republicans. Unless they’re completely ignorant of the very party history they invoke, that is.

 
 

but we’re gonna move on to Ben Thompson

OMG what is that?!?

 
 

Nurtz, I should have said “Ronnie-Come-Lately”. And is it just me, or does Kaye look like she belongs on a Psychic Friends commercial?

 
 

Not just verb tenses are wrong with that sentence. Class, who can tell me the other mistake Kaye made in this sentence?

Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!

Dangling participle!

 
 

tigrismus,

i don’t believe that a republican voter might actually know the history of anything, let alone the party. on two other occasions in our nations history have the republicans had this much control in dc. the first resulted in the civil war/reconstruction, and the second brought on the great depression. lincoln was a railroad lobbyist personally profitted from legislation he wrote.

 
 

“(And incidentally, can anyone think of any machine that’s fail proof?)”

Sure–a wingnut’s brain. It never fails to fail; it’s the easiest thing to do.

 
 

I’m such a sucker for the mocking Kaye, “Grogan” kind of punctuation. Tee hee! Even the name Grogan is starting to sound like a goof to me.

 
 

splat, no, I don’t really expect correct historical context, but dang that article was worse than I expected even with the preternaturally low expections I do have. I will *never* understand Reagan worship, nor anyone who thinks all regulation is bad, no matter what. My dad worked for the USDA for a long while, you do not want to know how meat quality faired under Reagan.

 
 

Hold on: Where the hell are all of our socialiast allies? Wingnuts are scared shitless of them but they never show up.

 
 

“Fail proof” sounds odd to me. Isn’t it either “fail safe” or “fool proof?”

…oh well, nevermind. I’m unusually pendantic.

 
 

Roy Moore in 2008!

 
 

I used a similar viewpoint in a previous column, when I explained that most Americans don’t remember how many days our hostages were held during the Tehran embassy crisis. Unfortunately, it seems that many Americans have rather short memories. And, it is this failure to grasp our own history that enables the Left to twist the facts to suit their own tyrannical purposes.

While 42 may be the answer to life, the universe, and everything, 444 is apparently the answer to [l]eftist tyranical control.

 
 

woo ee. Dude’s hat is definitely on too tight.

 
 

Apologies to Kaye, but Tom Kovach (rhymes with “watch” — not with “patch”, nor with “pack”) is my new favorite RenewAmerica columnist. He really said that the minimum wage is a secret conspiracy to cripple America’s economy so that the communists can take over the world. I gotta give him props for still living in 1952.

Also, to his credit, he is one of the few reamaining cowboy poets (.doc), and quite the Renaissance Man of Wingnuttery. (Would that make him a Dark Ages Man, possibly?)

 
 

Dangling participle!

Nah.

After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.

She’s clearly stating that voting problems spent millions to create “the technique” of touch screen voting.

Brad, you’ve heard it a million times, but you are a treasure for reading this stuff so we don’t have to.

 
 

Oops. Pardon the redundancy of my post above, except for the last line.

 
 

OMG, somebody get a guitar and write the song!!! I see Grammies in your future, Brad! :o)

 
 

OMG, somebody get a guitar and write the song!!! I see Grammies in your future, Brad! :o)

I actually play guitar, and I sing better than Dr. BLT to boot!

 
 

“The primary means of controlling production is taxes, plus minimum-wage laws. The primary means of controlling distribution is regulation, such as the FDA, EPA, SEC, etc.”

Ooh, let me have a try!

The best way to squeeze a lemon is to inject it with highly pressurized air. The best way to skin a cat is to dip it gently into luke-warm chocolate syrup.

 
 

Dangling participle!

Nah.

Hey, I said dangling modifier further up.

 
 

“After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.”

Wow, this is a textbook-perfect example of the dangling modifer (good work, Anne)–the specific modifier in this case being a participle phrase (points to notheory for identifying the specific type).

As for the rest of the sentence:
The syntax implies that the spender and the creator are the same person (not bloody likely); “touch-screen” should at least be hypehenated, and…and…well, I’m having a great deal of difficulty with the idea of a voting “technique” (much less one that is “created” by “spending millions”).

This sentence doesn’t need editing. It needs therapy.

 
 

People who complain about how FDR turned this country into a bastion of Communist skullduggery should take a look at how close this country came to either an actual Communist insurrection (closer than you’d think) or even a fascist insurrection (closer than almost anybody realizes – one was organized and funded in ’33) before FDR’s reforms helped stabilize the economy.

I would go so far as to argue that FDR did an enormous amount to head off some sort of serious attempt to forcibly overthrow the American government. The elements were all there for a takeover attempt from either the left or the right. The memory of the IWW’s heyday still burned strong in alienated workers everywhere, and the only thing more dangerous to a stable government than desperate people is desperate, radicalized people. And as much as I may be a hellbound pinko commie at heart, I can look at the wicked twists taken by the twentieth century iteration of communist setups and be glad that we didn’t have a similar fate inflicted on us here in the U.S.

Conversely, a lot of Americans were in love with fascism in the thirties. Business leaders adored the Hitler miracle, and we had more than enough populist xenophobes to be able to put on a real good three minutes hate. Anybody remember Father Coughlin? We also had plenty of homegrown fascist groups with charming names like the Silver Shirts who would have been more than happy to serve as a Schutzstaffeln for any two-bit, tinpot dictator with delusions of grandeur who would’ve wandered down the pike.

If you like American style democracy, you should be burning joss sticks in front of a picture of Franklin Roosevelt. Without him, it wouldn’t have survived the middle of the twentieth century.

 
 

All I have to say is:
What Part of Right-wing Don’t You Understand?
http://www.drblt.com/music/what%20Part%20of%20Right.mp3

That’s a crazy link, and I hate to make things more complicated then they have to be for left-wingers, so to make it easier just go to
http://www.drblt.com/freesong.htm and scroll down a few numbers.

 
 

Just in case any of you right-wing trolls out there, get the idea to steal the song (not that I don’t trust members of my own kind), I forgot to add the copyright notice to the link. It should read like this:

What Part of Right-wing Don’t You Understand?
words and music by Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. BLT, Right-wing Records, (c) 2004, 2005
http://www.drblt.com/music/what%20Part%20of%20Right.mp3

 
 

So, what, are the astounding number of additional hits on your site diminishing??

Need to boost them a bit more so you can “get that record deal”?

“Great plan!”

“Boss, he likes your plan.”

Here’s and idea, write a song about how Katrina was simply God’s wrath, and those people in New Orleans got what they deserved. Jonah and Rush would love it, and, dare I say, Rush would play it on his program every day for the next month — Now there’s some real exposure!!!

 
 

“After spending millions to create the touch screen voting technique, voting problems intensified instead of lessening.”

“Nice agreement between the verb tenses in that sentence, Kaye.”

Actually, the sentence is even dumber than that. That participle is dangling like a motherfucker.

 
 

I lived in a house in Germany that was built in 1764. The bunker on the hill behind my house was built around 1939. Yeah, so what? Now, I can “write” for Renew America.

 
 

Actually, Jeff, the numbers of hits on my site are continuing to grow by leaps and bounds. It’s not because I’m such a great artist, it’s because somehow I struck a chord with folks at “Sadly, no,” cacophonous though that chord may be. I’ll have to pass on your hurricane-as-God’s-wrath concept. First of all, I can’t get behind the idea on an ideological basis. Second, even if the view was one I readily adopted, I don’t think even Rush would buy it. I know Jonah would not, though he was initially recalcitrant in response to the voice of God. The God I serve is a God of love. He does not take pleasure in watching folks suffer. As for the notion that I may be seeking to drum up even more hits on my site, and even more downloads of my songs, I actually released What Part of Right-wing Don’t You Understand to all of you with the belief that I may go from being a one-man band, to one man, banned. While the song has received a modicum of airplay, What Part of Right-wing Don’t You Understand? is even too conservative for many conservative radio stations to play. In all honesty, I doubt if the folks here have the stomach for it. It is my prediction that folks here will ultimately request that my songs, (and perhaps all further entries of mine) be banned from “Sadly, no.” Why would I bite the hand that feeds me if I am that eager for fame and fortune.? You guys are my biggest “supporters.” I once wrote a song called, I Can Count My Fans on One Hand. That was before “Sadly, no.” Sadly, you guys are my only fans. I’m not seeking to be banned, and would miss the company of all of you, but I’m willing to take that risk at “Sadly, no.,” because I believe it is more important to be honest about my beliefs (and not try to pretend to be someone I’m not), than it is to continue to watch the traffic pile up at my website.

 
 

BLT, shut the fuck up and donate money to the Red Cross at http://www.redcross.org, then pray to whatever excuse for a sky god you worship to forgive you for using this hurricane to feel better about yourself by writing a song. And do not, I repeat, do not try any psychologizing on me. You’re out of your league. I live in Baton Rouge and I’m hurting about what’s happening in New Orleans. I would love to take out that anger by humiliating you in an intellectual fight. So please, go ahead, write some pathetic shit about Piaget to me, you half-wit. You wouldn’t last three exchanges.

 
 

Midnight basketball? How is it when these wingers recite even minor demons that they manage to pick things that were successes?

 
 

John, I don’t know the depth of your pain, and I am sorry that you “hurt” about what is going on in New Orleans. You obviously believe that I don’t feel any of that. If it feels better for you to express it as hatred towards me, it’s OK, I can take it. But if you don’t deal directly with what’s really going on inside you, one day you’re going to take out your hostility on the wrong person, someone who is not going to give you a pass for being disrespectful and hateful in your comments simply because of your own personal anguish (and I’m not diminishing that angiuish in any way). I suggest you take a self-defense course for when that day happens, and it willl happen.

 
 

Bruce, you really are a buffoon. I’m the one who thematized that I’m taking out my anger on you. Your “diagnosis” consists of repeating what I told you, until you stupidly and self-centeredly turn the attention back to you. I don’t “obviously” feel anything about your feeling about the hurricane other than your trying to use it as a pretext to feel better about yourself by writing your little song instead of helping get money to the Red Cross. You write above about how your song is an attempt to help people. Okay, let’s be concrete about it: how, exactly, is your song going to help? Are people on rooftops in New Orleans going to log on to your website and have their spirit lifted by listening to it? Or is it aimed at the rescue crews dropping on cables from helicopters?

 
 

Oh, and Bruce? Let’s continue. the wrong person, someone who is not going to give you a pass for being disrespectful and hateful in your comments simply because of your own personal anguish … I suggest you take a self-defense course for when that day happens, and it willl happen.

Are *you* that “wrong person”? Are you saying I would need a self-defense course in dealing with you? I challenge you to an intellectual fight, PhD to PhD, and you respond with an imaginary scene of physical confrontation? Hey, Bruce, let’s play your brand of blog psychology: is this a projection on your part? Is it that you’d like to physically confront me, because you know your intellectual gifts and training aren’t up to the task of an intellectual fight, but you can’t bring yourself to admit that to yourself, so you invent this delicious scenario of me meeting the “wrong person” some day? Is that it, Bruce? Do I get a PhD from your alma mater for that?

 
 

Let’s consolidate these threads. Here’s a repeat of the other one: Bruce, you are a buffoon. I tell you I’m mad at the hurricane and want to pick a fight with you and you tell me I want to pick a fight with you because I’m mad at the hurricane! Brilliant. I’m hostile and disrespectful to you because you’re so stupidly proud of yourself for writing a song about the hurricane. That and all your posts here are simply attempts to demonstrate to the world your talents and your bravery in posting those songs at S,N as well as the nobility of your spirit in caring enough about the victims to write a song about them. Who wouldn’t be enraged at such crap?

 
 

John, you’ve taken down your rage just a notch, and I do appreciate that. But you’re still resorting to name-calling and ad hominem attacks. I’ve given you no diagnosis. You’re not paying me enough for that. A little sensitive about shrinks are we? Well, you’re not paying me enough to try and analyze where that’s coming from either. Seriously, if you are hurting from what’s going on in New Orleans, and I have no reason to doubt you, I shouldn’t respond to your hostility with anything but empathy and understanding. I know that when you’re in the midst of grief and worry, you don’t need some shrink spouting off about Piaget. I apologize, John. I should know better as a shrink, not to take the bait. I’ve been cosidering using my song to raise money for victims, but, based on the feedback from all of you, the lyrics are fundamentally flawed and folks believe my motives are opportunistic at best. So far, nobody I’ve known has been moved in any way by the song, and moving them emotionally is what it would take to get them to donate money.

 
 

Address my point about projection before we continue.

 
 

I’m sorry, John, but I won’t reward entries phrased like Gestapo commands.

 
 

Please address my point about projection before we continue.

 
 

I’m sorry, John, but I won’t reward entries phrased like Gestapo commands.

Can I get a judges’ ruling on Godwin’s Law violation here?

 
 

Thread over.

Burnt bacon, limp lettuce and spoiled tomatos lost.

 
 

I second Jeff and agree with Dan Someone. The thread has been Godwined (Godwin-ed? Godwinned? They all look wrong to me) and is now dead.

The thread is dead. Long live the thread.

 
 

Yes, John, now that you’ve toned down the demanding nature of your initial bait, I’ll take the bait this time around. But these comments are not intended as an attempt to assign a formal diagnosis to you, or to even suggest that you’re suffering from a mental health condition. Yes, I project, you project, we all project. It’s human nature. If you’ll pardon the psychobabble, if I am interacting with a patient in the context of a profession psychologist/patient relationship, that would be referred to as transference/countertransference. That’s not the case with you and I. We’re just a couple of blokes blogging here. The scenario I proposed of you meeting the “wrong” person someday, someone less capable of excercising restraint in the face of open disrespect and hostility, did not represent projection on my part. Rather, I see it as simply looking out for your best interest. It’s reality, John. If you’re hostile to the wrong person, you’ll get a very tactile form of hostility in return. I just happened to be the right person. I prefer the cerebral boxing ring. So, there you have it, I’m denying the projection hypothesis as you’ve presented it. Now I may simply be in denial, John, but that’s how I see it, plain and simple.

 
 

Note to self: Note the typo, “profession” (above). It should read “professional.” Watch out for the typo/grammar/geography Gestapo.

 
 

It’s much better if God doesn’t spew you out of His mouth, but holds you softly under His tongue til you dissolve.

 
 

hi mike moran

 
 

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